# Lothlórien Rhapsody



## Eriol (Dec 9, 2005)

This is as hilarious as they come!



Lothlorien Rhapsody
Written by Freddie Mercury
(As told by Dionysus, performed by Frodo and the Sweathogs)

(Frodo)
Is this the real life?
Is this High Fantasy?
Caught in a land war.
No escaping my destiny.

(Sam)
Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see...

(Frodo)
I’m just a Hobbit, I need no sympathy.
These Rings are easy come, easy go, Little high, little low.
Anywhere these Rings go doesn’t really matter to me, to me...

(Eowyn)
Mama, just killed a wraith,
Put my sword up to his head, 
Ran him through and now he’s dead.

(Gollum)
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.

(Frodo)
Mama, oooh, Didn’t mean to make you cry,
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on, as if these Rings don’t really matter...

(Sauron)
Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time.

(Bilbo)
Goodbye, ev’rybody, I’ve got to go...
Gotta leave you all behind and face the West....

(Gollum)
Mama, ooooh, [(Frodo) Anywhere the Rings go...] I don’t want to die.
I sometimes wish I’d never found this Ring at all....

(Cool guitar riff.)

(Hobbits)
I see a little silhouetto of a man, 
Saruman! Saruman! What will you do with Frodo? 
(The Nine Wraiths)
Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very fright’ning- me!

(Merry) Gandalf-eo! (Legolas) The Grey Pilgrim! 
(Merry) Gandalf-eo! (Legolas) The Grey Pilgrim! 
(Merry and Legolas) Gandalf-eo, Mithrandir...
(Gollum) Smeagol....

(Frodo)
I’m just a Hobbit and nobody loves me. 
(Fellowship)
He’s just a Baggins, from a Shire family.
Spare him his life of this Ring bear-r-ring. 

(Gollum)
Easy come, easy go. Will you let me go?
(Fellowship) The Stinker! (Sam) No, I will not let you go!
(The Nine) Let him go!
(Fellowship) The Stinker! (Sam) I will not let you go!
(The Nine) Let him go!
(Fellowship) The Stinker! (Sam) I will not let you go!
(Gollum) Let me go!
(Sam and Frodo) Will not let you go!
(Gollum) Let me go!
(Sam and Frodo) Will not let you go!
(Gollum) Let me goooo!...
(Fellowship) No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

(Bilbo)
Mama mia, mama mia!
(Gollum)
Mama mia let me go!

(Frodo)
The Loooord of Mordor has a Ring-Wraith set aside for me...
For Me......
For MEEEEEEE!!!

(REALLY cool guitar riff.)

(Sauron)
So you think you can fool me and spit in my Eye?
(Gollum)
So you think you can use me and leave to die?
(Sauron and Gollum)
Oh, Frodo! Can’t do this to me, Frodo!

(Frodo and Sam)
Just gotta get out! Just gotta get right outta here...

(Even more cool guitar...)

(All)
Oohh Yeah! Oooh Yeah!

(Galadriel)
These Rings don’t really matter, anyone can see...
(Elrond)
These Rings don’t really matter...
(Gandalf)
These Rings don’t really matter...
(Galadriel, Elrond, Gandalf, Bilbo)
To me.....

(Frodo)
Anywhere these Rings go...

***

I found this in

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=138905&perpage=50&pagenumber=1

This is a 41 pages (!) thread with parodies of LotR. Weeks of fun there.


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## Ithrynluin (Dec 9, 2005)

That is very amusing in itself, but I'm only half-laughing because I love the original song and it almost always puts me in a melancholy mood.


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## Eriol (Dec 9, 2005)

*The Sound of Mordor*

Ok, this is more likely to leave you full-laughing then  --

****

*The Sound of Mordor*


_Legolas_: You wait Little Dwarf, on an Empty Plain
To fight the Uruk hai on

Your Axe, Little Dwarf, is an awkward way
which you're as likely to die on
(To di-ie on...)

I'm on sixteen, going on seventeen
And you're still stuck on two
Give it up Gimli
I'm much more nimble 
and better skilled than you
I'm much older, and so much wiser
My features are more fa-ir
The only thing Gimli
That you could beat me
Is in a fight for Hair.
Totally unprepared are you to fight with Elf and Man
Timid and Shy and Scared I bet, of things beyond your clan...

Take the word of someone who's wiser,
Telling you what to do-oo
Dearest Gimli, heeding this tally
I'm far a-head of you.

_(musical interlude while they fight back to back, in a circular fashion.)_

_Gimli_: Your score sixteen, going on seventeen?
You must think I'm naive!
I know elf lads 
Are just fops and cads
And their words I don't believe.
You are older - but not so wiser
Telling me what to do-oo
I'll beat seventeen - going for eighteen!
I will (I swear, Elf!) beat you.

(L: I'll wait a ye-ear,
I'll wa-ait - a ye-ear - or two..)

****

Athelas, Athelas
Kingsfoil, asëa aranion
Small and Fair - 
Somewhere here - has anybody got some?

Blossom of kings may you bloom and grow
-Minas Tirith, weeded?
Athelas - Elessar!
Hard to fi-ind when needed.

****

_The Eye Superior sings_: 

Riders from 'Morgul
Search high and low
Follow every byway
Every path you know

The hobbit has had all the help he will get
Find me the one ring - 
I'll have it yet!

Nine riders, Nazgûl
Ford every stream
WAIT! the river Bruinen....*sigh*
- Stupid Wraiths, 'though keen.

****
_On a hillside..._

_F_:How do you solve a problem like the One Ring
How do you reach Mt. Doom and drop it down?
How do you find an entrance into Mordor?
This sort of thing can really make you frown

_G_: "Precious is ours!" we know we want to tell him
Precious is ours - he ought to understand
We leads them night and day, we does what Master say
But how do we gets rid of nassty Sam?

_All_: How do you solve a problem like the One Ring?
How do you get it safetly through this land?

_F_: When I'm near it I'm confused, I'm distracted and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.
_S_: Gollum's as fickle as the weather, Frodo's flighty as a feather
_G_: We wants it - no we donts - and we hates Sam
_S_: Gollum is a bloody pest and I can't get any rest
He's a slinker and a stinker and a turd
He is wicked, he is wild
_F_: He's a poor wretch Sam, be mild
_S_: He's a danger, he'll cause havoc, mark my word

_All_ - How do you solve a problem like the One Ring?
_F - looking down_: Why do I hold the One Ring in my hand?

*****

(From the same thread linked earlier)


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## Wolfshead (Dec 9, 2005)

*Re: The Sound of Mordor*



Eriol said:


> Ok, this is more likely to leave you full-laughing then  --
> 
> ****
> 
> *The Sound of Mordor*


To the tune of...?


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## Eriol (Dec 9, 2005)

*Re: The Sound of Mordor*



Wolfshead said:


> To the tune of...?



They all are from "The Sound of Music". The first is Liesl and Rolf's song in the garden ("You are sixteen, going on seventeen..."), the second is "Edelweiss", the third is "Climb Every Mountain", the last is "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria".


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## Starbrow (Dec 9, 2005)

Legolas and Gimli dancing around the gazebo. - What a crazy picture that makes.


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## Wolfshead (Dec 10, 2005)

*Re: The Sound of Mordor*



Eriol said:


> They all are from "The Sound of Music". The first is Liesl and Rolf's song in the garden ("You are sixteen, going on seventeen..."), the second is "Edelweiss", the third is "Climb Every Mountain", the last is "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria".


Ah right, _that_ film. The only film I've ever seen where I wanted the Nazi's to win


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