# Middle Earth Light Bulb Jokes



## HLGStrider (Oct 14, 2005)

OK. We have all heard light bulb jokes. If you haven't, click the link and you'll find an odd assortment of them (edit removed link because page no longer exists) . The idea is "How many (insert whatever) does it take to change a lightbulb?" and you use it to make fun of oddities associated with any one group. Not very politically correct, but all in good fun. . .and when they are making fun of a non-existant group like "Vulcans" it is less than harmless. 

So, I thought, if they can do Vulcans, why can't we do Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits. . .etc. I am trying to come up with some, but so far the best I have done is
How Many Elves Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Indeterminable. One to build three new light bulbs and then lose them to a Dark Lord. A couple thousand to go over seas to try and get it back in a long series of wars. Two to destroy the light bulbs by casting them into seas or down chasms. One to sing a dark lord to sleep and recapture the light bulb.

There has to be a better on than that. 

How many Dwarves/Hobbits does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one on the others shoulders... 

No, that's bad. . .
gosh. . .Anyone more comedic than me around?


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## Hammersmith (Oct 14, 2005)

For a very very strange reason, that link takes me to microsoft.com...?

How many orks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

An indeterminate number from varying racial groups, one to screw it in and the rest to slaughter each other arguing how best to eat it.


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## Firawyn (Oct 14, 2005)

Q: How many Hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Nine - One standing on another's shoulders to reach it, three ready to catch the second hobbit in case he falls, another three to stand in for the catchers over lunch break, and one more to figure out how to cook te lightbulb when they get it out.



lol, hope you guys get a laugh out of that one!


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## HLGStrider (Oct 15, 2005)

It works for me. . .It must not like you because you are British. . .


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## Gothmog (Oct 15, 2005)

HLGStrider said:


> It works for me. . .It must not like you because you are British. . .


I think that WM sorted out the problem. I had the same trouble with a link I posted in another thread.


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## e.Blackstar (Oct 24, 2005)

> How Many Elves Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
> Indeterminable. One to build three new light bulbs and then lose them to a Dark Lord. A couple thousand to go over seas to try and get it back in a long series of wars. Two to destroy the light bulbs by casting them into seas or down chasms. One to sing a dark lord to sleep and recapture the light bulb.



*applauds*

Veddy amusing


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## Lifeling (Nov 1, 2005)

How Many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb:
Just one but he kills himself after Screaming at it to "Go back!"


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## Noldor_returned (Nov 2, 2005)

Here's my joke.

How many Balrogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but he has to live in a deep pit with no food for a couple of hundred years, then get yelld at by an angry old man and be debated over whether he has a wing or not by everyone who is a member of the Tolkien Forum.

It's not very good, but anyone who's sick of the Balrog-wing debate should like it.


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## Majimaune (Nov 2, 2005)

Noldor_returned said:


> Here's my joke.
> 
> How many Balrogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> One, but he has to live in a deep pit with no food for a couple of hundred years, then get yelld at by an angry old man and be debated over whether he has a wing or not by everyone who is a member of the Tolkien Forum.
> ...


i like it and im also sick of the balrog wing thing
but no im sorry im not a funny guy but heres one anyway that was waiting to be done
Q: How many peoples of middle-earth does it take to change a light bulb in the time of king aragorn
A: None there where no light bulbs there where lantins and thorches though


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## Noldor_returned (Nov 2, 2005)

I feel like putting another one up.

How many beings from Middle-Earth does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
9, but first they have to survive mortal peril trying to get to an elf-haven, lose a few members, get separated and end up getting it stolen by a split personality thing who falls into a volcano with it.


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## Hammersmith (Nov 2, 2005)

Noldor_returned said:


> It's not very good, but anyone who's sick of the Balrog-wing debate should like it.


I'm also sick of the debate. It's perfectly obvious that they _*do*_ have wings. 

How many dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?

*Cracktinkle*

Lightbulb? What lightbulb?


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## Barliman Butterbur (Nov 2, 2005)

Majimaune said:


> i like it and im also sick of the balrog wing thing
> but no im sorry im not a funny guy but heres one anyway that was waiting to be done
> Q: How many peoples of middle-earth does it take to change a light bulb in the time of king aragorn
> A: None there where no light bulbs there where lanterns and torches though



Ha! Excellent!  Which reminds me of: "What did the clam say to the postman?"

Barley


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## Majimaune (Nov 3, 2005)

Barliman Butterbur said:


> Ha! Excellent!  Which reminds me of: "What did the clam say to the postman?"
> 
> Barley


let me geuss the clam cant talk


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## Mirelena (Nov 3, 2005)

Noldor_Returned said:


> How many Balrogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


What are you talking about??? The Balrog IS the lightbulb. 

I can't really hold a candle to Hammersmith's orc joke, but I'll try:
Q: How many orcs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to kill the Gondorian soldier and take his helmet. One to play Martha Steward and make an attractive lampshade out of it. One to kill them both, hang it and take all the credit.


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## Noldor_returned (Nov 3, 2005)

Hammersmith said:


> I'm also sick of the debate. It's perfectly obvious that they _*do*_ have wings.
> 
> How many dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
> 
> ...


 
If you think they do have wings, you should check my post on the sticky poll; go from the back, and work your way forward. If you can't find it, I'll tell you what I said.


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