# My very first short story...the lake



## Dimatron (Sep 3, 2003)

I tried to write a short story and this is what i came up with.
Please have a read...thanks...

The Lake

A weak sun had just come to rest on the horizon.
It was dusk. A full moon could be seen through the dark clouds,
cladding the earth with a gentil,silver glow.
It was raining. Heavy, cold rain.
Deep thunder sounded in the distance. Streaks of brilliant lightning followed,
turning the night into day.
Only for a moment. The darkness was lifted and the moon’s soft glow was overcome.
Now all could be seen...for only a moment...
-
Tall, naked trees grew around a dark, mysterious lake in deciplined lines. The tree tops were reflected in the lakes waters.
So was the full moon and the silver-lined rainclouds.
But, their reflections were brocken by the large raindrops bombarding the lake’s surface. Creating ripples, ever growing and finnaly vanishing.
The lightning then dissapeared. The only source of light was the full moon.
All went dark...


~ ~


A soft wind blew.
The black bare trees made quiet rattleing noises as they moved with the wind.
The sound of deafening thunder, rolled again in the distance.
Lightning then streaked across the strormy sky, lighting the world beneath it.
Again the earth was bathed in light.
For only a moment...
-
The shadows of the tall trees danced across the wet ground.
From those shadows, emerged a dark figure.
Clad in a long, black cloak, a hood covering the persons face.
The figure seemed to float through the trees.
It’s feet not needing to touch the ground. Only two white hands could be seen.
Long fingers with long black nails, the hands were forced together as if in prayer.
The tall, dark figure left the shadows of the trees and came to stand, as still as stone, on the edge of the lake. Its dark water lapping at the black cloak.
The lightning dissapeared. The light dissapeared.
All was left glowing, only with the silver light of the moon again...





The lake mirrored the night sky perfectly. It almost looked as if a piece of the sky had fallen down to earth, between the strict order of bare trees.
By this lake, the black figure stood.
Two hands clasped together as if in prayer. Suddenly, the long,pale hands took hold of the huge hood hiding the persons face in darkness and pulled it back...
Long, pitch blach hair rippled over the figures shoulders. But the soft moonlight was not enough to make the persons face visible. But then...
Then, thunder rolled over the horizon, warning the world of what will follow.
Surely, lightning followed the deep sound of the storm, crashing effortlessly to the ground from the clouds above. The moon was overcome.
All was almost as bright as day.
For only a moment...
-
Long,pitch black hair lay gracefully around the young woman’s head and shoulders.
Big beautiful eyes with a mournfull stare, gazed at the dark lake.
Her skin was as white as snow. As if the sun had never shone on her. As if she had never seen the sun. As if she only knew darkness. She was beautifull.
A beautifull child of night, which the sun envied with greed.
Without taking her magnificent eyes of the lake, she reached inside her black cloak and pulled out a small, silver box. She held it with caution as she carefully opened the small box, still staring at the ripples on the lakes surface.
She held the open box close to her, as if she did not want to let go.
She closed her eyes. She lifted the box into the air. Its silver surface reflecting the moonlight so it looked like she held a white flame in her hands.
A single tear escaped her closed eyes as she slowly tipped the open box forward.
Thousends of small diamonds fell from the lid into the dark water of the lake.
They fell into the lake like a magical waterfall of light. Each diamond a vision of perfection. Thousends of tiny white diamonds, each with a pale inner light fell silently into the lake and were lost from sight.
It was over. The box was empty.
The tiny white diamonds were nowhere in sight.
The beautifull young woman, with the gracefull waist length hair and magnificent sad eyes, knelt down beside the lake, her mouth slightly open, staring in disbelief at the empty box in her hands.
The lightning suddenly faded...Darkness returned...

~ ~

The wind howled in the trees and the heavy rain still bombarded the earth.
The full moon was still reflected in the lake. So were the tree tops.
A deep rumble of thunder shook the horizen once more.
The pale, silver moonlight gave way.
Lightning lit up heaven and earth.
For only a moment...
-
The woman had gone...



Do i suck or what!!!!


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## Aglarthalion (Sep 3, 2003)

Y'know, that isn't bad at all, Dimatron.  The general theme of the story is atmospheric, while remaining somewhat of a mystery, which helps to set the almost surreal setting and mood.

However, I think that it would help if you worked a little on the general flow of events, and also if you work to amend the spelling and grammatical errors.


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## Dimatron (Sep 4, 2003)

Im so glad!!!
oh yes spelling...we just dont get along!!!


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## Zale (Sep 5, 2003)

Read more... The more you read, the better your spelling...
It works because you've seen the words so many times that if you write them down wrong they _look_ wrong. Well, they do to me, anyway.


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## Kelonus (Sep 5, 2003)

Hi Dimatron! I read your short story and the its was very good. I do agree though, you should work on the general flow of events. Your spelling wasn't all bad, but work a liitle on it. I seen a few spelling mistakes. Nothing dramatic. I write books and what you wrote there in explaining what was going on is better than I could. Keep it up!


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