# Moria Terrorist Attack



## Wolfshead (Dec 17, 2002)

I got this on The Tolkien List, it's very funny. But if you're drastically affected by terrorism, and it pains you to see a parody of it, don't read on. You have been warned.

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*Moria Terrorist Attack* 

In a terrifying raid last night, 26 innocent orcs were slain in what
Lord Sauron condemns as a "cowardly and unprovoked attack".

Details are sketchy, but the evidently dwarf-led force of five
terrorists, using four children as a living shield, entered via a
previously unknown entrance and disturbed the "Death of the Dwarven
Infidels" exhibit in the upper halls. When challenged by Moria law
enforcement officials the terrorists embarked on a frenzy of death and
destruction, cutting down any who happened near and resisting all 
lawful attempts to restrain them.

FAMOUS MUSICIAN KILLED
Among the victims of the massacre is Gung Dolak, known throughout the
lower halls as the famous "Drummer of the Deep". Gung rose to stardom 
in his early days with Def Oliphaunt before striking out on a widely
successful solo career, topping the charts in recent years with such 
hits as Shoot that Poison Arrow, Rock n Troll Music and Kazad-Doom, ! which 
he performed in concert shortly before the attack. His passing has sent
shockwaves throughout the orc musical community and he will be sadly
missed.

BALROG ABDUCTED
The Balrog, that gentle giant of the deep caverns, is missing believed
abducted after the terrifying attack. "He was just like our mascot" 
sobbed Nak Jukkul, one of the wounded. "Who could possibly do something like
that?" The Balrog, a familiar face to most orcs in the halls of 
Moria, has lived a sheltered existence in the caverns all his life and there are
grave fears for him being taken into the outside world.

RESCUE MISSION UNDERWAY
At time of printing, an expeditionary force is being briefed to follow
the terrorists' escape route in the direction of the elves' accursed
forest. The highly trained special horde not only aims to recover the
Balrog, but also to drive the elves from their network of forests and
gather evidence as to who is behind th! e attack.
"This rescue mission is the first salvo of a major offensive against
the dwarf-led forces" Lord Sauron said in his 'State of the Dark 
Shadow' speech in the Black Tower. "We will not give in to fear. We will not 
stand idly by as victims of those who envy our way of life. We will show 
mercy neither to dwarf terrorists nor the elves who harbour them, and we 
will not rest until we rid the world of these "Axes of Evil"".


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## Aerin (Dec 17, 2002)

*dies laughing*

Where did you find this?! It's absolutely hilarious!


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## Wolfshead (Dec 17, 2002)

It was posted on TheTolkienList, but I shall ask where the supplier got it from, then post the source here.


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## Arvedui (Dec 18, 2002)

What a great piece of parody! 
*dries tears from his eyes*
'State of the Dark Shadow' speech. Oh my!


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## Beruthiel (Dec 18, 2002)

That was hilarious!

Awww, da poor widdle Balrog, all alone in the big bad world....


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## QueenSilverleaf (Dec 18, 2002)

It is I, the wonderous provider of that article. And, unfortunatly, I can't claim it. I recived it by foward from a firend, who got it from a friend, who got it from a friend, and so on and so on. (Repetition is good!)

I particularly liked "Def Oliphaunt" and "Axes of Evil." So entertaining!

~ Silverleaf


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## DGoeij (Dec 18, 2002)

LOL, 'famous musician killed', 'Axes of Evil'. I can just imagine this article stuck on the walls in Minas Morgul and Cirith Ungol.


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## Wolfshead (Dec 19, 2002)

Good to see you finally got round to posting again, Silverleaf 

Yes, she is the one who provided me with article, but it's unfortunate she doesn't know where it came from 

But if I come across the original, I will be sure to let you all know.


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## Wolfshead (Dec 19, 2002)

Lo and behold! I have found the source! Or what may have been the source, it is at least a site with the article on it. I typed _Moria Terrorist Attack_ into Google and the first match I got was

http://www.tolkienonline.com/docs/6733.html

So, it could have been where it was originally posted. That ain't too important, though, I imagine.


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