# The Shame of Britain



## Snaga (Feb 23, 2004)

I am deeply ashamed of my country.

Why?

Last night on TV they counted down the all-time top 50 singles selling bands/artists in the UK. As we reached the top 10, there were some predictable but respectable bands up there.... it was looking good. Surely it had to be the Beatles? But no... to our eternal shame as a nation, the winner was Cliff Richard. 

Its just too horrible....


----------



## Ithrynluin (Feb 23, 2004)

I would advise you to leave the country...

Aqua's _Barbie Girl _was allegedly the second bestselling single in the UK (of the 90s) after Elton John's _Candle in the Wind. _Be glad_ that _wasn't on the top ten.


----------



## Confusticated (Feb 23, 2004)

Ah, don't let it get you down too much Snaga! You're not the only who thought the Beatles should be there, or who is ashamed of his/her country! And look at this way: you have more known excellent musicians & singers than the U.S. regardless if you appreciate the right ones or not. 


And ithyn.. speaking of music... how dare you put that song name as your title in reference to a danged cover and not the original arists! 


ps: me dunno who this Crichard is!


----------



## Ithrynluin (Feb 23, 2004)

Nóm said:


> And ithyn.. speaking of music... how dare you put that song name as your title in reference to a danged cover and not the original arists!


Yeah, that cover is _soooo _much better than Pink Floyd's original. I'm sure most people would disagree, which only makes me all the more pleased!


----------



## Rangerdave (Feb 23, 2004)

Could be worse.
You guys could have had Rolf Harris

Anybody remember Rolf? Everybody Sing 



> There's an old Australian stockman, lying, dying,
> and he gets himself up on one elbow,
> and he turns to his mates,
> who are gathered 'round him and he says:
> ...


 

RD


----------



## Confusticated (Feb 23, 2004)

Shucks... that's what I should have serenaded Aule with, instead of ripping off some Italian accordion guy. The song was a good idea accordion to him, but when I told him it failed all he could say was "Did ya digeridoo it right? No, you didn't! You'll have to redo it."


----------



## Snaga (Feb 24, 2004)

Shhh... my theory is that Aule IS Rolf Harris in real life, so lets not offend him.


----------



## Aulë (Feb 24, 2004)

Hush.

Rolf Harris is a cult hero in Australia. I remember him turning up to my school and playing that song with his wobble board when I was a young tacker.


----------



## Snaga (Feb 24, 2004)

Here's the full list.... *cringe*

*The all-time top 50*

*Artist Singles Sales* 

_1 _Cliff Richard 20,969,006
_2 _The Beatles 20,799,632
_3 _Elvis Presley 19,293,118
_4 _Madonna 14,562,856
_5 _Elton John 13,475,063
_6 _Michael Jackson 11,310,958
_7 _Queen 10,334,713
_8 _Abba 10,004,039
_9 _Paul McCartney 9,781,603
_10 _David Bowie 9,392,410
_11 _Rod Stewart 9,046,492
_12 _Rolling Stones 8,348,470
_13 _Kylie Minogue 7,994,130
_14 _Stevie Wonder 7,614,227
_15 _Spice Girls 7,507,213
_16 _Shakin' Stevens 7,108,330
_17 _Whitney Houston 6,993,105
_18 _Bee Gees 6,943,851
_19 _George Michael 6,819,419
_20 _Status Quo 6,727,822
_21 _Boney M 6,587,018
_22 _Slade 6,520,171
_23 _Olivia Newton John 6,493,006
_24 _Blondie 6,456,881
_25 _Boyzone 6,435,711
_26 _Oasis 6,225,785
_27 _UB40 5,997,222
_28 _Tom Jones 5,892,220
_29 _Celine Dion 5,683,264
_30 _The Police 5,617,175
_31 _Madness 5,564,459
_32 _Diana Ross 5,326,780
_33 _Wham! 5,298,431
_34 _Adam Ant 5,296,965
_35 _The Jam 5,094,055
_36 _Frankie Goes To Hollywood 5,008,067
_37 _Robbie Williams 4,973,227
_38 _Pet Shop Boys 4,913,655
_39 _Phil Collins 4,889,059
_40 _Wet Wet Wet 4,877,328
_41 _Duran Duran 4,846,531
_42 _The Everly Brothers 4,827,957
_43 _The Shadows 4,793,537
_44 _Westlife 4,726,116
_45 _Gary Glitter 4,717,834
_46 _Engelbert Humperdinck 4,710,328
_47 _U2 4,663,427
_48 _Bryan Adams 4,614,135
_49 _Frank Sinatra 4,597,630
_50 _The Hollies 4,597,450


----------



## Ithrynluin (Feb 24, 2004)

Snags, what are those? Cumulative sales of all singles (of one artist) combined? Because I distinctly remember that the bestselling singles of the 90s in the UK were
1. Elton John - Candle in the Wind 
2. Aqua - Barbie Girl 
3. Cher - Believe

Shouldn't these artists (well, barring Elton John, he's up there already) at least be *somewhere* on the top 50?

Oh and thank you _so much _for sloppily copy pasting that list, I just spent the last ten minutes tidying it up.


----------



## Confusticated (Feb 24, 2004)

ithrynluin the supermod said:


> ...thank you so much for sloppily copy pasting that list, I just spent the last ten minutes tidying it up.


Don't you have more important things to do... like cleaning up three words posts, going after spammers and hunting down multiple-accounters.


----------



## Ithrynluin (Feb 24, 2004)

Nóm said:


> Don't you have more important things to do... like cleaning up three words posts, going after spammers and hunting down multiple-accounters.


Why would I be going after myself?


----------



## Uminya (Feb 24, 2004)

Who in the name of Zarquon is Cliff Richard?

And I have a copy of the Beatles singing that Rolf Harris song with him


----------



## Ithrynluin (Feb 24, 2004)

Alright, for all you *Sir* Cliff Richard ignoramuses, here's a website: http://www.cliffrichard.org/

I can't believe you don't remember chart toppers like...

like...

like...

Oh I don't care about Cliff Richard!


----------



## Aulë (Feb 25, 2004)

Hmm, that's odd.
Here are the UK Top 10 selling singles of the 90's

_1_ Candle In The Wind 97, Elton John 4.86 Mil 
_2_ Unchained Melody, Robson & Jerome 1.84 Mil 
_3_ Love Is All Around, Wet Wet Wet 1.78 Mil 
_4_ Barbie Girl, Aqua 1.72 Mil 
_5_ Believe, Cher 1.67 Mil 
_6_ Perfect Day, Various Artists 1.54 Mil 
_7_ (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Bryan Adams 1.53 Mil 
_8_ ...Baby One More Time, Britney Spears 1.45 Mil 
_9_ I'll Be Missing You, Puff Daddy & Faith Evans 1.38 Mil 
_10_ I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston 1.37 Mil 

and of all time:

_1_ Candle In The Wind 97, Elton John 33 Mil 
_2_ White Christmas, Bing Crosby 31 Mil 
_3_ Rock Around The Clock, Bill Haley & His Comets 25 Mil 
_4_ I Want To Hold Your Hand, The Beatles 13 Mil 
_5=_ Hey Jude, The Beatles 10 Mil 
_5=_ It's Now Or Never, Elvis Presley 10 Mil 
_5=_ I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston 9 Mil 
_8=_ Hound Dog, Elvis Presley 9 Mil 
_8=_ Diana, Paul Anka 9 Mil 
_10_ (Every Thing I Do) I Do It For You, Bryan Adams 8 Mil

No Cliff at all.


----------



## Theoden_king (Feb 25, 2004)

It was the sale of all singles from every decade, not just the 90's. Thats why The Hollies, Frank Sinatra, Engelbert Humperdinck etc are on the list.


----------



## Gary Gamgee (Feb 25, 2004)

Out of the the top 20 I have only contributed to the single sales of one and thats Madonna. I do own Bowie and Beatles albums but no singles. Anyway I'm glad there was at least one female in the top ten, would have been better had it been someone like Kate Bush but hey ho Madonna's cool.


----------



## Aulë (Feb 25, 2004)

Gary Gamgee said:


> Out of the the top 20 I have only contributed to the single sales of one and thats Madonna. I do own Bowie and Beatles albums but no singles. Anyway I'm glad there was at least one female in the top ten, would have been better had it been someone like Kate Bush but hey ho Madonna's cool.


Abba is 50% female. 

And it's good to see that good ol' Kylie got into the Top 20.


----------



## Rangerdave (Feb 25, 2004)

Snaga said:


> Shhh... my theory is that Aule IS Rolf Harris in real life, so lets not offend him.


Thats funny, because I always thought that Snaga was secretly Bill Oddie of the Goodies. The Master of the ancient Lancastrian martial art of *Ecky* *Thump!*
 


*RD*


----------



## Snaga (Feb 26, 2004)

Harumph! I resent the implication that I have a beard.


----------



## Ireth Telrúnya (Feb 26, 2004)

IMHO, the best British singer is Sting!


----------



## e.Blackstar (Mar 1, 2004)

never heard of Rolf Harris. But...

There's an old Australian stockman, lying, dying, 
and he gets himself up on one elbow, 
and he turns to his mates, 
who are gathered 'round him and he says: 

Watch me wallabys feed mate. 
Watch me wallabys feed. 
They're a dangerous breed mate. 
So watch me wallabys feed. 
Altogether now! 


Tie me kangaroo down sport, 
tie me kangaroo down. 
Tie me kangaroo down sport, 
tie me kangaroo down. 


Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl, 
keep me cockatoo cool. 
Don't go acting the fool, Curl, 
just keep me cockatoo cool. 
Altogether now! 


Take me koala back, Jack, 
take me koala back. 
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac, 
so take me koala back. 
Altogether now! 


Let me Abos go loose, Lou,
let me Abos go loose. 
They're of no further use, Lou, 
so let me Abos go loose. 
Altogether now! 

Mind me platypus duck, Bill, 
mind me platypus duck. 
Don't let him go running amok, Bill, 
mind me platypus duck. 
Altogether now! 


Play your digeridoo, Blue, 
play your digeridoo. 
Keep playing 'til I shoot thro' Blue, 
play your digerydoo. 
Altogether now! 


Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred, 
tan me hide when I'm dead. 
So we tanned his hide when he died Clyde, 
And that's it hanging on the shed. 
Altogether now! 


...I know the song, I love the song, I didn't think anyone else had ever heard of it! Yay! hehehehehe!

(My sister went to Australia and came back with a bunch of souviners, including a CD of Aussie songs.)

I love it! Huzzah!


----------



## Eledhwen (Mar 1, 2004)

I am more troubled that RangerDave knows all the words to 'Tie me Kangaroo Down Sport' than Cliff Richard hitting top of a pop poll. He did have number one hits in five decades (thanks to a clever combination of Auld Lang Syne and The Lord's Prayer in AD2000), which has got to help his ratings. In my opinion, he's good, but not that good. For a start, Chris Eaton, who wrote 'Saviour's Day', sings it much better than Cliff.

It's interesting you mention The Goodies, because it's clear that Cliff Richard's success is largely due to his being able to slough off the curse of the inbetweenies:

"Too old to be a teenage idol
Too young to be a mother's pet.
Are we just the inbetweenies
Everyone tries to forget?"


----------



## Rangerdave (Mar 1, 2004)

I can't tell you how happy I am that Snaga and Eledhwen remember the Goodies.

I was begining to think I halucinated the whole thing.



RD


----------



## Eledhwen (Mar 3, 2004)

Hallucinated! Yes, it seems like that sometimes. Maybe we hallucinated Cliff Richard.

Do you remember 'Black Pudding Bertha'? I think it was a B side - probably to the Funky Gibbon. The chorus goes

By Gum! [echo: By Gum!]
Here she comes [here she comes]
Yum Yum! [Yum Yum]
Shake yer bum [Shake yer bum]
Black Pudding Bertha,
She's the queen of Rock and Roll.

Who says there's no culture anymore?!


----------

