# What idiot makes a ring?



## Beorn (Nov 22, 2002)

Why would you want to make something very powerful that can be cut off? Well, anything can be cut off, but wouldn't it make more sense to make something that isn't cut off as easily? Like maybe 'The Golden Hauberk' or 'The One Hauberk'?

I mean, the One Ring falls off all the time. Fell of Isildur's hand. It fell of Frodo's. I bet it fell off of Bilbo's at one point to. A hauberk is not going to just fall off...

Hmph. What else could Sauron had made that couldn't be cut off with your normal steak knife?


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## Celebthôl (Nov 22, 2002)

well the ring only falls off ppl who pick it up not sauron himself coz it wants to be with him member, also it kinda goes with the other rings and its easy to take off and put on or u can just plain just leave it on and not have to change/wash it every few days!

Thôl


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## TheFool (Nov 22, 2002)

Maybe an iron crown with jewels set in it  

A ring would be far less conspicuous than a big suit of armour - the ring is pretty plain and boring, isn't it? Remember even Gandalf can't recognise it immediately!

And anyway don't they 'kill' Sauron first, and then cut the ring off?

Celeb are you referring to 'Lord of the Pants'?


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## Celebthôl (Nov 22, 2002)

i am i never read it is it the p|$$ take version??


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## Beorn (Nov 22, 2002)

I was talking with Maedhros just now...he said maybe shoes or boots. Would that make them 'The Golden Butt Kickers'?


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## Anamatar IV (Nov 22, 2002)

you draw a funny picture Beorn.

Trying to throw a hauberk into the cracks of doom. Itd be too heavy for frodo to carry before they got to mordor!


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## TheFool (Nov 22, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Celebthôl _
> *i am i never read it is it the p|$$ take version?? *


it's this thread ; all the best ones have been done though.

I doubt even Sauron could walk with a pair of gold boots on  but they would be harder to chop off


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## Wolfshead (Nov 23, 2002)

> _Originally posted by TheFool _
> *it's this thread ; all the best ones have been done though.*


What do you mean, all the best ones have been done? I keep on coming up with new ones now  

Perhaps there was a reason Sauron made a Ring instead of anything else. There could have been a shortage of gold in Mordor, or possibly he'd used up all his gold the month before to pay the heating bill?


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## Glamdring (Nov 25, 2002)

He should have made it the belly button ring of power. You'd have to cut his whole torso in half.


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## Arvedui (Nov 26, 2002)

I'd guess Bilbo would be in trouble. Even Gollum would have noticed a Golden Hauberk in his pocket


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## DGoeij (Nov 26, 2002)

Just imagine Elrond trying to cope with , 'Shards of Narsil', 'cutting', 'Isildur' and 'the One Pants' at the CoE. 
Besides, everybody knows Rings look cool, especially when it's a powerfull one. You can hold up your hand and let everybody cower in front of you. And the Elves started with Rings, maybe Sauron lacked imagination.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 2, 2002)

The One Thong.
Sleek. Inconspicous. Contemporary.
The choice of Dark Lords since The First Age, the One Thong will make your enemies think twice before going after it.
Availible at Ancalime's Secret stores everywhere.

Ancalime's Secret: Modern Powerwear for Modern Evil.

(I am not even going to make any jokes about the "Crack of Doom.")


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## morning star (Dec 2, 2002)

How about a coat of mail? They did not know Frodo had his coat of mail on, and it saved him. of course it was made of mithril.


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## Mablung (Dec 2, 2002)

He should have made his entire evil fortress into the ruling device lets seem someone destroy that completely or take it down.


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## Ithrynluin (Dec 2, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Glamdring _
> *He should have made it the belly button ring of power. You'd have to cut his whole torso in half. *



Indeed. A nose ring would be pretty clever as well. But maybe then Sauron would have been called "the Noseless" among his other titles.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 2, 2002)

I have a belly button ring...

Anyway...I don't think his "thong of power" would've gone over too well as I doubt people would've been so keen on wearing Sauron's used skivvies.


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## Mablung (Dec 2, 2002)

Would have made the whole Gollum obsession creepier to say the least


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 2, 2002)

And definitively answered the "Did Gollum wear pants?" question as well!!


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## Mablung (Dec 2, 2002)

I always think of him with pants just because its less disturbing than him not wearing pants.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 2, 2002)

Right but if it was a Thong of Power then he would've definitely worn pants cos pants=underwear.


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## Mablung (Dec 2, 2002)

Yeah and would have opened a big debacle on how Bilbo got the thong from him.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 2, 2002)

Not necessarily as it could just have easily fallen off and abandoned Gollum as the Ring did.

Besides Sauron was quite large, I doubt his thong would properly fit Gollum, thereby leaving much room for the thing to fall off!


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## Mablung (Dec 2, 2002)

Bilbo could have also stolen it while Gollum was hanging it out to dry after washing. If he was going to wear it for 500 years he had better wash it once in awhile.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 2, 2002)

But the one Thong is a one-sixe-fits all! And we WERE talking about things that would make it risker to steal...


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 2, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Mablung _
> *Frodo could have also stolen it while Gollum was hanging it out to dry after washing. If he was going to wear it for 500 years he had better wash it once in awhile. *



Frodo wouldn't have stolen it at all...that was Bilbo's job.


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## Mablung (Dec 2, 2002)

Ok I edited it but regardless I think its time for sleep now.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 3, 2002)

Hehe...Goodnight.

I think that maybe as a thong isn't a serious idea...that at least a One Impenetrable Chest Plate would be better, eh?


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## Mablung (Dec 3, 2002)

Ah Good morning it is now.

Though the One Impenetrable Chest Plate would probably be a better item it's just not as fun as the One Thong.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 3, 2002)

It depends on what part of one's anatomy one values the most.


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## Ithrynluin (Dec 3, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *Not necessarily as it could just have easily fallen off and abandoned Gollum as the Ring did.
> 
> Besides Sauron was quite large, I doubt his thong would properly fit Gollum, thereby leaving much room for the thing to fall off!  *



It doesn't matter if Sauron was much larger than Gollum. The One Thong would have the ability to shrink and expand, much as the One Ring.

ROTFL


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## Mablung (Dec 3, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Shadowfax _
> *It depends on what part of one's anatomy one values the most.  *



I meant potential humor wise useful things can't be made fun of as easily.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 3, 2002)

Speakin go what part of the anatomy one values most I think that Sauron might as well have crafted The One Prince Albert, alternatley known as "The Prince Alber of Power"

THAT would've been hard to remove!! *pictures the ring bearers then...and shudders*

Ok...that was just wrong. 
I'm so very sorry.

*waits to be duly flogged*


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## Mablung (Dec 3, 2002)

Yeah lets not go any further with that one there is a line even for me.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 3, 2002)

*wonders where her line went* I KNOW I had one a second ago!!!

*looks back* Ooh...it's way over there....*slowly retreats back behind the line*

So...how about them thongs, eh?


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## Éomond (Dec 3, 2002)

I thought it should have been a boot or tee-shirt, those things can get cut, but you can fix it easily

IC: Stupid Ring, killed me! Came off and..........................

ok, I cried watching the EE of Isildur death


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## Mablung (Dec 3, 2002)

How about the One Sock?


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 4, 2002)

No...I don't like the socks.

I used to be one.


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## Dáin Ironfoot I (Dec 4, 2002)

The one bra? That would be interesting... not to mention Frodo would be in drag thorugout the entire book... and when Sam puts it on he feels like a new man (woman?) 

Not that I men in drag or anything... I just think its funny!


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 4, 2002)

Hmm...the one bra...

The WonderBra of Power?

Hehe...It should have a really clever add slogan...something about enhancing cleavage and such.

*Would bet quite a lot Beorn had no idea the direction this thread would take when he started it*


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## Húrin Thalion (Dec 4, 2002)

I think he should have turned it to something really nasty that Isildur wouldn't let his dead father's sword touch, like some dogsh*t or anything. Or he could have made something very small and put it in his nose, then Isildur would have had a hard time finding out what to cut of! ;´)

Húrin Thalion


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 4, 2002)

In his nose...or other places...


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## Beorn (Dec 4, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *Hmm...the one bra...
> 
> The WonderBra of Power?
> ...




No, I didn't think it would...heh


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 4, 2002)

Hehe..I wish I'd put money on it! I could be rich by now!


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## Mablung (Dec 4, 2002)

I dont think anyone would have taken you up on it.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 4, 2002)

Darn...I never win.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 4, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *In his nose...or other places...
> *



such as the 'crack' of doom...

EEEEEEK!!!!


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 4, 2002)

Oh my god!! I just laughed SOOO loud!! SOOOOOOO loud!!

That's the funniest thing ever!!!

*runs off to tell everyone she knows*


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## Beorn (Dec 4, 2002)

HAHAHA!

I bet the Sackville-Bagginses would have even more displeasure with Bilbo if he stripped and put on a thong and disappeared whenever they came around...


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## Mablung (Dec 4, 2002)

Even more displeased if the Thong changed sizes and slipped off like the Ring was fond of doing.

"Where'd that miserable Bilbo go? OH MY LORD!"


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## Shadowfax (Dec 5, 2002)

heeheehee

Well, down in the Green Dragon they always did say Bilbo was fair well 'cracked'.

*tries to drag mind out of gutter and fails miserably*


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 5, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Mablung _
> *Even more displeased if the Thong changed sizes and slipped off like the Ring was fond of doing.
> 
> "Where'd that miserable Bilbo go? OH MY LORD!" *



I don't even want to THINK of a naked hobbit!! The hairy feet are enough of a turn-off as it is?


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## Mablung (Dec 5, 2002)

Hey Im not the one that thought of the One Thong.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 5, 2002)

No, that would have been me. Just call me "Gutterbrain"!

And hey! I have hairy toes!

But then again I'm a pervy hobbit fancier too...conincidence...?


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## Mablung (Dec 5, 2002)

> But then again I'm a pervy hobbit fancier too...conincidence...?



Probably not.


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## Dragon (Dec 5, 2002)

I wonder if you would be able to put the thong on over your clothes, wouldn't that be like putting the ring on over a glove?

Anyway, I don't know why, but I keep thinking of the "shoelaces of power", except, it can't be "the one shoelace" becuase we all know sauron was a big fashion-hound, and mixing shoelaces is a HUGE fashion-don't (even though I do it all the time....)


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## Shadowfax (Dec 5, 2002)

The one shoelace could become untied on a whim, like the ring could change size and slip off. Imagine Isildur dying because he tripped over the darn thing and fell on his sword.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 6, 2002)

HAH!!! *laughs out loud*

That'd be soo funny!
Why can't I think of things like that!!
*wants to be a comedic genius*


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## Mablung (Dec 6, 2002)

Think on it I'm sure there someplace a stroke of insanity/genius is waiting to come out.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 6, 2002)

nonononononono! I'm Wonko THE Sane, remember?


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## Mablung (Dec 6, 2002)

One has to be in there somwhere.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 6, 2002)

*blushes* would you believe I am actually quite dull in Real Life? At least, my friends always groan when I crack a joke...


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## Mablung (Dec 6, 2002)

No actually I wouldn't as a matter of fact.


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## Dragon (Dec 7, 2002)

you're dull? bring up some of these jokes (if they know what lotr is) and they'll be laughing for hours


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Yeah but also some of the jokes that go on around here are things that you would really need to see for yourself, and can't be told properly in a story.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

Exactly...
I've tried to tell my friends jokes from here and they just stared at me.

That's why it's so cool Snaga is a member here. Cos when I talk to him on the phone I can tell him jokes from the forums, and he still laughs!

Makes me feel like a comedic genius even though I'm not.


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Don't try to even tell your LOTR reading friends the One Thong story... it just doesnt work well.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

I told Snaga the One Thong story over the phone and he'd never seen the thread and he laughed his arse off.

So there! *realises she's proven nothing and stands on her head*


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

No I meant to friends not on TTF they just back away.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

Right...I know you did.

That's why I didn't prove anything and therefore had to stand on my head.


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Ah I thought that was just for fun.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

Nope! Although it is sometimes.

Hmm...what about The One Corset. That'd be soo funny...Imagine the hobbits in corsets!!!


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Yeah but no one would be able to see them in them. But you could have priceless things like Frodo rummaging through Bilbo's things. "Why on Earth does Bilbo have a corset in his locked drawers?" It would also say something about Sauron's self esteem.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

Hehe...That'd be soo funny if Frodo found it!

I can just picture him thinking, "Wow, the rest of the family wasn't kidding when they said Bilbo was a bit odd..."

And Gandalf instead of noticing that Bilbo hadn't aged would say, "Bilbo, here you are on your eleventy-first birthday and you still have that girlish figure! However do you manage it?!"


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Hehe... that would be good.

Boromir tries to take it. "Frodo please let me use it Ive been eating too much like you Hobbits." Ok so that ones not as good.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

Hehe...Sam takes it from Frodo when he thinks he's dead and when it's time for him to wear it he's all, "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that rabbit stew!" as he struggles to get it closed.


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Hehe Galadrial when Frodo offers it to her. "I do not deny that I desire one greatly."


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 7, 2002)

Hehe...he offers it to Gandalf and he's like, "No thanks, I've already got one of my own" and he opens his wizard robes and shows us his corset and then he pulls out some pictures and it's like, "Check out the before and after!" and the one picture has him with a horrendous beer belly...


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## Mablung (Dec 7, 2002)

Now thats just an unwanted and scary though hilarious mental image. 

Bilbo is at his party. 'I regret to inform you that I am leaving now.' Takes 5 minutes to strap on the corset while all the guests file out uncomfortably.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 8, 2002)

The corset reminds me of what I ALWAYS think of when I see that scene in Rivendell where Bilbo is giving Frodo Sting and the mithril coat.

Bilbo: "Now here's a pretty thing..." (holds up lacy corset) "Come, come, let me see you put it on..."

Eeewk!


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## Mablung (Dec 8, 2002)

Gahhhhhhhhh another unwanted mental image.

After being stabbed in Moria they take a look under Frodo's clothes and see the same corset. "I knew there was something more here then met the eye."


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## Dragon (Dec 9, 2002)

I told some of my friends about this thread and they thought it was funny, so we started coming up with other things, in fact, we started chanting one of them:

"a little container, you know, one of those little plastic wrapper thingys that toothpicks come in, yeah, one of those to rule them all"

the only thing is, how would you use it, put a toothpick in it?


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 10, 2002)

You could tape it to your face or something...

Ooh...how about The One Monocle? That way Sauron could still use it in his disembodied form...


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## Mablung (Dec 10, 2002)

But he had no eyelid or anything to hold it in place with so it would keep falling off.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 10, 2002)

Not if he attached a spoiler.

*laughs*


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## Dragon (Dec 10, 2002)

a spoiler? a little strange, but ok


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 10, 2002)

You know...the fins they put on the backs of cars!

And he can add some shiny new rims too!

And a booming bass in the boot!


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## Mablung (Dec 10, 2002)

THAT would be a nice monocle.


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 10, 2002)

He can get little gold and silver detailing on it too...and it can say "The One Ring" and all those things about fire and stuff in raised letters?


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## Dragon (Dec 10, 2002)

I can get the gold leaf lettering and all that, but a spoiler? spoilers are for aerodynamic reasons, was he planning on making the monocle fly or something?

I'm thinking of turbans, now THAT would take a long time to get on!


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## Shadowfax (Dec 11, 2002)

then the turban could come unwrapped from Isildur's head and obscure his vision, causing him to trip and fall into the river...and tangle him up so he can't swim...


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## Mablung (Dec 11, 2002)

Wouldnt make for as cool of an exit at the party though. 
"Im have a suprise for you." *Starts wrapping his head in a turban and 10 minutes later he finally dissapears.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 11, 2002)

All the hobbits would lose interest and go slowly filing out the door...in search of food, ale, and the like...


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## Mablung (Dec 11, 2002)

Yes and add quite a bit of fuel to the old crazy Bilbo stories.


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## Dragon (Dec 11, 2002)

but that's why it would be funny people would talk about him like "at bilbos party, he started this speach that was really confusing and then started blabbering about how he needed a good vacation and it was time to go. then for some stupid reason he started to wrap his head up in a really long peice of cloth, and when he finally tucked the last bit in, he disappeared. I was freakin' out man, that was cool" but of course that hobbit was high off pipe weed (see thread; hat was really in that pipeweed?)


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## Wonko The Sane (Dec 12, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Dragon _
> *I can get the gold leaf lettering and all that, but a spoiler? spoilers are for aerodynamic reasons, was he planning on making the monocle fly or something?
> 
> I'm thinking of turbans, now THAT would take a long time to get on! *



Right...the spoiler is because people put them on their cars cos they look cool, rather than for aerodynamics. You show me a high school student who lives off daddy's credit card and wouldn't know a street race if he was pedestrianized in the middle of one, and I'll show you a kid with a Honda Civic with a fat spoiler. I mean it...they're so unnecessary in like 70 percent of the cases...

Anyway...yeah.


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## Shadowfax (Dec 12, 2002)

I always thought spoilers were for *anti*-aerodynamic reasons? To keep cars from flipping? But I know absolutely NOTHING about cars, please enlighten me.


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## Mablung (Dec 12, 2002)

Unless its a big time race car theyre just for show so it doesnt matter


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## FattyBolger (Dec 25, 2002)

It could be a toaster... yes The One Toaster to rule them all.

You would never lose it... and you could toast bread at the same time.


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## Dragon (Dec 25, 2002)

Mmmmmm......... toast.


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## Gandalf White (Dec 28, 2002)

Some cars don't look good without spoilers, like the Mustang.


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## faila (Dec 29, 2002)

The one cup of power if hes really worred about protecting, well protecting well.........


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## Shadowfax (Dec 29, 2002)

The One Codpiece? but then a female wouldn't really be able to use it...but let's not even go there!


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## Mablung (Dec 29, 2002)

It also tells us what is really important to Sauron.


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## *Lady Aragorn* (Dec 31, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Beorn _
> *Why would you want to make something very powerful that can be cut off? Well, anything can be cut off, but wouldn't it make more sense to make something that isn't cut off as easily? Like maybe 'The Golden Hauberk' or 'The One Hauberk'?
> 
> I mean, the One Ring falls off all the time. Fell of Isildur's hand. It fell of Frodo's. I bet it fell off of Bilbo's at one point to. A hauberk is not going to just fall off...
> ...



that is so true! omg, why couldn't he have made something less visible. i mean, why did it have to be jewelry?


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## Shadowfax (Dec 31, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Mablung _
> *It also tells us what is really important to Sauron. *



He didn't want to risk anyone cutting it off? I'm not even going to mention some of the Lorana Bobbit jokes that are buzzing around my foul little mind...


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## Wonko The Sane (Jan 2, 2003)

I'll bet Isildur would've thought twice about just picking it up and putting it on, eh?


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