# romantic relationship observations.



## Confusticated (Aug 9, 2005)

Though I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 12 , I often observe and ponder romantic relations between women and men.

I have made the following, little talked about, observations.


1) Men care more about looks not because they are mroe visual but because women have potential to look great, men do not. (They are mostly outwardly unimpressive i find - and I'm not a lesbian so this is quite an observation)

2) A man can win a woman's heart but a man's can never be won. How many countless times have you seeen the man win her over at last when nobody thought he could? Now how many times the woman? At first glance there be some cases, but a deeper look, at least from my experiences, shows that she didn't win his heart over so much as he got comfortable and used to being with her, seeing as how she adores him so much he can hardly resist it at least when there is no other women to be had.


Disagreements?


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## Hammersmith (Aug 9, 2005)

I disagree. Firstly, I have known some simply stunning women, all of whom looked great but none of whom I would have pursued romantically. Some are now friends, but nothing more and nothing sought for.

As for the second one, no. Just no.

In my personal experience and opinion. I think what you have identified may be true in certain cases, even a majority of cases that you have known, but are not necessarily rules or even common.


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## yhwh1st (Aug 10, 2005)

Hammersmith said:


> As for the second one, no. Just no.
> 
> In my personal experience and opinion. I think what you have identified may be true in certain cases, even a majority of cases that you have known, but are not necessarily rules or even common.


 
I agree. But I know many men who are head over heels in love with their wife or girlfriend. You can just see it in the way they act and look at them. Not with lust but tender caring love. I do not see a better way to find 'true love' than to become best friends w/ your spouse or boy/girlfriend. That's where you get a strong and happy relationship. Though I must say that I believe honesty to be a vital key as well.

anyone else?


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## Feanorian (Aug 13, 2005)

In my personal expieriences I have found that while men are harder to win over, women are the more easily scared away. While it took my ex a long time to get me to notice her as anything more then a really good friend, it took her much less time to evacuate the relationship when things in my life started to take a turn for the worse (talk about kicking a man when he's down  ). Nonetheless, love as a force is fading, maybe it is the times in which we live or maybe it is the people who "fall in love". For me I have learned that love is nothing more then an obstacle which one must work around and eventually learn to avoid if you wish to accomplish anything in which you would be truly great. However I feel that if two people succeed at love then that too could be classified as truly great. 

Love is a confusing beast, the likes of which I will not wrestle with again for quite a long time.


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## HLGStrider (Aug 14, 2005)

I haven't noticed the second being true in the relationships around me, but I have noticed that men don't like being caught, and I think that may be what you have in mind more than what men are like once they are caught. 

In other words, men don't like being pursued by women. For a woman, it is a turn on when a guy likes her (In my case and in most cases.). We notice a guy taking effort to get to know us, to get attracted, and we start to play with the idea of them and eventually they may work their way into our heart. 

A man, on the other hand, I think gets uncomfortable if a girl openly likes them. They would much rather have a girl they have to go to odd lengths to get simply for the challenge. 

So you can pursue a guy for ages and really get no where.


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## Feanorian (Aug 14, 2005)

Only pathetic guys who invest no actual emotional commitment into their relationships care about the chase. If a girl openly likes a guy no matter how they react on the outside, it makes them happy and reassures them, same thing goes with as with a girl, if a guy knows she likes him then the good things in that person start standing out more so then they had before.


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## Daranavo (Aug 28, 2005)

Elgee, though that may be the case, I do not think that young guys are the same. The boldness to walk across the room and ask someone out without dancing around the subject. A shoulder rub instead of a kiss. An evening out with friends instead of alone together. The thought of rejection seems to be so prominent that I think a girl almost HAS to chase the guys now. It may not be the case for everyone its just my opinion from the relatives and friends who have daughters.


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## Wraithguard (Aug 28, 2005)

Oh krap I just had to find this! Well might as well go ahead eh? Miss Jackson is my first real "love" (and soon to be bride) since my Senior Year in Hy Skewl. You see, the first thing I look for in a woman (which is odd) is the ability to take authority. If she cannot "crack a whip" (keep your minds out of the gutter!) then it always ends up a friendly relationship and nothing more.

I have always been the kind of guy that if there was something (or someone) I wanted I would go after it. I could care less about rejection because, as my motto says, what happens, happens. I may have more to say on this later.


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## e.Blackstar (Aug 28, 2005)

Engaged, huh Rai?  Congratulations!


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## HLGStrider (Aug 29, 2005)

Daranavo said:


> Elgee, though that may be the case, I do not think that young guys are the same. The boldness to walk across the room and ask someone out without dancing around the subject. A shoulder rub instead of a kiss. An evening out with friends instead of alone together. The thought of rejection seems to be so prominent that I think a girl almost HAS to chase the guys now. It may not be the case for everyone its just my opinion from the relatives and friends who have daughters.


 
In some ways I think you are right, because it seems very few men (American men, at least) are bold flirts anymore. I think it is cultural. I have noticed the hispanics in my town are a lot quicker on the draw with a compliment. 

I don't know if this is because American men naturally grow up with a fear of sexual harrassment suits or because American men expect women to meet them halfway nowadays.


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## e.Blackstar (Aug 29, 2005)

HLGStrider said:


> I think it is cultural. I have noticed the hispanics in my town are a lot quicker on the draw with a compliment.



I agree with you there Elgee. When I went to Costa Rica, everyone was friendly  with EVERYONE, no matter if they knew them or where they were from.


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## Hammersmith (Aug 29, 2005)

We English are naturally reserved and cautious. Fie on you brash and assumption-making Hispanics and Americans!


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## e.Blackstar (Aug 30, 2005)

reserved and cautious, that's you Smitty.


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## Nenya Evenstar (Aug 31, 2005)

The day that I believe you Europeans are "reserved" and "cautious" is the day I'll believe anything.  My friend just got back from Italy. She knows better.


> In other words, men don't like being pursued by women. For a woman, it is a turn on when a guy likes her (In my case and in most cases.). We notice a guy taking effort to get to know us, to get attracted, and we start to play with the idea of them and eventually they may work their way into our heart.
> 
> A man, on the other hand, I think gets uncomfortable if a girl openly likes them. They would much rather have a girl they have to go to odd lengths to get simply for the challenge.
> 
> So you can pursue a guy for ages and really get no where.


Actually, I agree completely with this. I just saw it happen word-for-word with one of my best friends. Who knows!



> 1) Men care more about looks not because they are mroe visual but because women have potential to look great, men do not. (They are mostly outwardly unimpressive i find - and I'm not a lesbian so this is quite an observation)


Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet? I completely disagree . . . but then I just got married. 



> A man can win a woman's heart but a man's can never be won. How many countless times have you seeen the man win her over at last when nobody thought he could? Now how many times the woman? At first glance there be some cases, but a deeper look, at least from my experiences, shows that she didn't win his heart over so much as he got comfortable and used to being with her, seeing as how she adores him so much he can hardly resist it at least when there is no other women to be had.


I disagree with this one too. I think this depends completely on the man and on the level of commitment in the relationship. If a man is completely commited, he will never look away from you, even if you do something very, very mean. The same goes for the woman. (Of course the "very mean" doesn't usually happen.) If both people have chosen to be completely commited, both people's hearts are won forever.


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## Daranavo (Aug 31, 2005)

Though I am no expert, I did read a few psychology books on the subject. Especially when I got really hurt the first time. Though it may be known to many, I am not embarrassed to say that I did not know these 3 things below. Ofcourse, what I wrote below is very watered down with my own personal flare so please do not take offense.

1) A womans brain is very different from a mans brain. It is packed with more nodes and stuff. (I know, real technical ) This is why it may be very difficult to get a woman to shut up long enough to tell her what you want to tell her. Also, this is why women are often known for their chattiness and such. This is also why if you have ever noticed, when you the guy begin to speak, a slight cloudy film begins to coat their eyes and you already know that she is thinking far ahead to what she will say next and what you were saying was heard but she was not really listening. Guys MUST learn to listen or risk great peril down the road. It does not work the other way around. 

2) A woman HATES to be wrong. If she is, it is best to not make a big deal out of it. If she is, she already knows it. She knew it before the arguement began. If you must say something to the effect. WAIT until the two of you are alone before saying something about it. Two wrongs will not make the situation better, and again, to do so is at your own peril.

3) You the guy did, in some cases ALOT, in others not so much, to get her to take interest in you. Long walks, romantic dinners in or out, flowers, a hieghtened sense of regard and courtesy, poetry, the little things etc. However, later down the road, usually in years, failure to continue with these tiny rituals of romance will result in a knumbing relationship. The sparks no longer fly and such. Well, its very simple. Don't stop. These rituals will always remain important all through the relationship. To stop doing what got you the girl again, is at your peril. 

*bows*


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## Wraithguard (Aug 31, 2005)

In what I've seen in my life, it is one of women's internal urges to help men more pathetic than them... aka... me. I honestly had no clue how much I relied on Becky until I tried to tie my tie today! Afterwards I began to think of this thread and about the situation in general. Here are 3 examples of how women have proven themselves more capable of handling situations than men in my life.

1) My Junior year in High School, I volunteered to perform an unusual assignment by a total stranger, fortunatly a young lady I knew took the time to sit and think about the situation, and stopped me from doing it. Turns out the three other _men_ that volunteered (women were given oppurtunity but turned it down) were all killed.

2) Last year I was assisting in a firing range. Before they left they were to dissassemble and reassemble their firearms. I was then asked to discharge the M4's. Corporal Turner came up to me while I was discharging them one after another and started making this small pile. Eventually I asked her what she was doing and she nonchalantly said, "These are poorly assembled. This one has the firing chamber in backwards." In other words it would have backfired and possibly blown my arm off.

3) I was in pre-skewl about 3,658 years ago (healthy living) when I had found an armed bomb inside the building. I began to play with the bomb and try to see how it worked. A girl that was one year younger than me brought a teacher over and had another call the "proper authorities". Turns out I _almost_ pulled the wrong wire.


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## e.Blackstar (Aug 31, 2005)

Wraithguard said:


> 1) My Junior year in High School, I volunteered to perform an unusual assignment by a total stranger, fortunatly a young lady I knew took the time to sit and think about the situation, and stopped me from doing it. Turns out the three other _men_ that volunteered (women were given oppurtunity but turned it down) were all killed.
> ...
> 
> 3) I was in pre-skewl about 3,658 years ago (healthy living) when I had found an armed bomb inside the building. I began to play with the bomb and try to see how it worked. A girl that was one year younger than me brought a teacher over and had another call the "proper authorities". Turns out I _almost_ pulled the wrong wire.


  They were _killed_??? What was it that they were asked to do???


You found a *BOMB* in PRESCHOOL?  Holy cow...


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## Barliman Butterbur (Aug 31, 2005)

Nóm said:


> Though I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 12 , I often observe and ponder romantic relations between women and men.
> 
> I have made the following, little talked about, observations.
> 
> ...



I doubt if you know/have known enough men to make such sweeping generalizations. I further doubt if you have seen any man winning any woman over "countless times." What you say may be true for you at the moment, but certainly not true in general in all cases.

And my wife has indeed "won" my heart permanently — in fact, we won _each other's_ hearts permanently.

A good marriage or a good friendship is like a flower garden: needs constant attention. Without that, people indeed fall into ruts, habits, routines, taking the other person for granted — and then it all starts to go downhill.

I predict that in time as you change, your relationships will change, and therefore your outlook.

I have found it helpful to take a lot of time in considering someone as a romantic "significant other." Specifically: What is his religion? What makes him angry? Does he get angry easily and over nothing? What makes him laugh? How does he get along with his parents? How do his parents get along with each other? _What are his friends like? Does he want to isolate you?_ If he has no friends or bad ones, and if he wants to keep you away from your friends and your parents, that's a bad sign.

If he's habitually cheerful, if he's consistently considerate of you, if he has a lot of nice friends and nice parents, if he's patient, if he's serious about his job or his school, those are all good signs. But you must take the time to observe him this way.

Barley


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## e.Blackstar (Sep 1, 2005)

There speaks the voice of the ages, people.


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## HLGStrider (Sep 1, 2005)

I really don't think men are as hopeless as you make them out to be, Wrai. . . I do think men are more apt to not see the forest for the trees than women, but women are more apt to not see the trees for the forest (both are possible. The second just doesn't make as good of axiom). 

I remember a Reader's Digest article I read back when my grandmother still got RD which would place it at least five years ago, so don't ask me to be exact or quote the author of the study. . .

Anyway, the study was about the differences in male and female thinking. Women and men were given the same problem to solve (I don't remember if it was math or general logic or whatever) while they had wires hooked up to their heads (if I had wires hooked up to my head, I wouldn't be in the mood to answer general logic or math questions. . .). When asked the same questions male brains and female brains differed a lot in response. Male brains would have nuerons (or whatever. . .I told you I wasn't going to be technical) light up in one specifc area of the brain, mainly the left side, I believe. Females would have smaller groups of nuerons light up all over the brain, both right and left .

In other words if you asked a man what one rabbit plus another rabbit equaled a man would pull purely from his math center part of the brain and say, "Two."

A woman would pull from math, imagination, and high school reproductive biology and say, "Probably six, maybe more. . .how long are we keeping these two rabbits together?"

Now, there are exceptions to this. There are exceptions to everything, but I have always admired the task centered way men think, whereas I appreciate my own ability to multi-task (few men can talk on the phone, hot card a customer's debit card, and e-mail a co-worker their coffee order at the same time.). . .


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## e.Blackstar (Sep 5, 2005)

HLGStrider said:


> A woman would pull from math, imagination, and high school reproductive biology and say, "Probably six, maybe more. . .how long are we keeping these two rabbits together?"



 Ah, you make me laugh.


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