# Ways to nearly eliminate the storyline



## Beorn (Jul 2, 2002)

Think up actions that would shorten the storyline greatly. Here are some:

To prevent Frodo from wearing the ring, put a large wooden peg through it so he can't get it off the peg.

Don't tell Frodo how powerful the rings is

Tie Frodo to Aragorn so he can't get hurt

Get Gandalf to move Mount Doom a bit closer to home

Use Anti-Winged Nazgul weapons...

Wear safety cables so no one can fall into great big holes in the ground....


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## Rangerdave (Jul 2, 2002)

And don't forget the Orc spray and the mobile GPS Hobbit tracking transponders.


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## Khamul (Jul 2, 2002)

Give the ring to Sauron, and run away.

Make a movie deal with the Nazgul.

Start a metal band with the Nazgul.

Sell the ring to Tom B.

Stay with GB and TB instead of moving on to Bree.

Not make the Sils.... (When you think about it....)

Make a new earth, and give ME to Melkor.

Give the ring to Gandalf, Gollum, Galadriel, or my personal favorite: The NAZGUL!!!!!!


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## Tar-Ancalime (Jul 3, 2002)

Turn a nazgul to the good side and get him to throw away the ring

wear it

give it to gollum


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## Istar (Jul 3, 2002)

nuke mordor (I know the Hobbits have them, they're just scared to use them).

fly Frodo by eagle to mount doom, where he tosses the ring over his shoulder as he passes over.

Don't release Morgoth after his imprisonment in the Halls of Mandos.


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## Tar-Ancalime (Jul 4, 2002)

good ones!

Deport Frodo and the ring to a galaxy far, far away

Sneak up behind the eye and poke it from behind then he can't see anymore


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## Lorien (Jul 4, 2002)

Be nice to Sauron and help him realise his ultimate childhood dream of playing with Barbie dolls.

Make the Nazgul very jealous by telling them of Sauron's new Multi-colored tie-dyed wardrobe.

Convince Gandalf that he isn't going to become less macho if he doesn't take on the Balrog.

Draw a line in the middle of ME and tell Sauron, "Keep off my half you big bully."

Give Sauron lots of Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera etc. posters so that he can use the eye for gawking while Frodo calmly walks into Mount Doom to drop that ring in.


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## Niniel (Jul 5, 2002)

Have Frodo break his leg while stepping over his doorstep.

Use a horse whisperer on the Ringwraiths' horses.

Let Boromir take the Ring.

Let the boats sink in the Anduin.

Let everybody be killed by a giant dragon before leaving the Shire.


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## Rangerdave (Jul 5, 2002)

Or you could just recruit additional heroes from other science fiction genres. Bring on the Elven Jedi. 

Besides, everybody knows that the Maiar are secretly Vorlons.

"If you go to Khazad-Dum, you will die"


RD


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## ReadWryt (Jul 5, 2002)

1) Make a wooden cube about 4 inches square and open on one end
2) Melt Wax
3) Placing a string for a wick in cube, pour wax in until half full
4) Wait for wax to cool a bit
5) Drop in ring
6)Fill the rest of the way with Wax
7) Camp out at the Grey Havens and give your "Going Away Candle" to the next batch of Elves leaving for the west...

RD,

Oh great, next you will have Bombadil saying "I have always been here...".
(Bah! My "Similarities between Babylon 5 and The Lord of the Rings" thread is gone, demmit! One of my favorite entries was "The Lord of the Rings= TLOTR, The Legend of the Rangers = TLOTR")


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## Beorn (Jul 5, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Lorien _
> *Give Sauron lots of Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera etc. posters so that he can use the eye for gawking while Frodo calmly walks into Mount Doom to drop that ring in. *



Give Sauron Lotr_girl's avatar


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## Glorfindels Gal (Jul 5, 2002)

lol, What about give the ring to Merry and Pippin who are so stupid they they will lose it somewhere where it can never be found again! (No offence to M & P, I am one of their biggest fans myself)


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## ReadWryt (Jul 5, 2002)

Go to Moria and wait for the Balrog to open wide, then toss it down his throat. Let the Nagul try to get it out of THERE!


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## korhall (Jul 5, 2002)

realize that middle earth is on a globe, and that mt. doom is only a stones throw away from the shire and the path is uncontested. 

find another volcano to throw it in and then go off to the nearest pub.

invite sauron to the pub, buy a few rounds, talk this out in a drunken stupor, tell eachother that you love them. wake up in a strange place with a person you don't know, dead, in bed beside you.

send both frodo aqnd sauron on jerry springer with a few stripper midgets and let them work it out.


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## Beorn (Jul 6, 2002)

Mail the ring Parcel Post to Mount Doom...


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## arisen pheonix (Jul 9, 2002)

make elrond take ring him and sauron battle it out no mare problem


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## ReadWryt (Jul 9, 2002)

Put the Ring into a "Big Kids Meal" in a Burger King in east L.A. and watch the fun as Sauron tries to get it out of THERE!


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## Tar-Ancalime (Jul 9, 2002)

skip the exahusting journey to mordor and go to Hawaii where you can throw away the ring and go on a vacation. the fellowship would love that *pictures legolas puting suntan lotion on gimli's back*


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## arisen pheonix (Jul 10, 2002)

nnoo i got it just clone frodo and the ring over and over till theres one for everybody


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## BelDain (Jul 10, 2002)

> _Valquenta: revised_
> In the beginning Eru, the One, who in the Elvish tongue is named Ilúvatar, made the Ainur of his thought; and they made a great Music before him. The Music sucked though so Eru unmade the Ainur and lived in peace forever and ever and ever.


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## Tar-Ancalime (Jul 10, 2002)

there you go!

I have an idea:
Sauron upon creating the one felt so happy he began to laugh uncontrolably. Than an orc approached sauron and in shock sauron threw the ring into the fires of mount doom by complete accident.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 10, 2002)

have Illuvatar commit suicide before he creates the ainur. no living beings. no problems. no earth either. oh well, minor setback.


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## Glorfindels Gal (Jul 11, 2002)

Only a minor hitch tho, and it does solve the problem of ME being in peril from the one ring, as neither would exsist anymore!


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## arisen pheonix (Jul 13, 2002)

sauron falls in luv with hobbit lady gives her the ring for engagment she rules the world no more problems


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 13, 2002)

have illuvatar change sauron and melkor into clowns and make them obsessed with making balloon animals. they wouldn't be evil AND balloon animals for everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Chymaera (Jul 14, 2002)

> *'Well then, look!' To Frodo's astonishment and distress the wizard threw it suddenly into the middle of a glowing corner of the fire. Frodo gave a cry and groped for the tongs; but Gandalf held him back.
> 
> 'Wait!' he said in a commanding voice, giving Frodo a quick look from under his bristling brows.
> 
> ...


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## HLGStrider (Jul 14, 2002)

When Isulder turns away from the cracks of Doom he trips and... Boom. bang. done.

The ring turns out to be a dud. 

When Bombadil puts on the ring to show off he disappears... and doesn't come back.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 14, 2002)

turn sauron into a cute little gerbil and give him to frodo for a birthday present. but frodo gets tired of his pet hamster and flushes him.............................we can all guess the rest.


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## Rúmil (Jul 15, 2002)

> The ring melted onto a small puddle of gold. Gandalf had the decency to look embarrassed.


 LOL, that was great!


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## LadyGaladriel (Jul 17, 2002)

Give Sauron the Ring as a present for being Evil day


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## Chymaera (Jul 19, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Rúmil _
> * LOL, that was great! *


 laughter is the best compliment 

Gandalf then says "Nevermind." then leaves quickly.


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## Legolam (Jul 19, 2002)

Gandalf finds out that the ring is in fact the One Ring, takes it off Frodo by force and then becomes the new dark lord, destroying everything until there is nothing left of Arda


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## korhall (Jul 19, 2002)

during the council of the one ring when the dwarf hits it with the axe, it shatters into golden dust. the guys then all go out for a night on the town and an extremely drunk elrond starts a war with a lamp post.


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## Rúmil (Jul 19, 2002)

Ahem... not bad, but do I denote a certain influence of the movie?


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## korhall (Jul 19, 2002)

just when the dark lord is about to get the ring, beorn walks in takes it, jack-slaps sauron and walks away saying how pretty it is. he then pokes the flaming eye out and goes back home.


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## korhall (Jul 19, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Rúmil _
> *Ahem... not bad, but do I denote a certain influence of the movie? *



what are you getting at loremaster? i can take that alot of ways.


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## Rúmil (Jul 19, 2002)

Just that at the real council of Elrond, no Dwarf attempted to axe the Ring. But don't mind my nitpicking


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## korhall (Jul 19, 2002)

it is A story line not the actual text necessarily but in this case you are correct, no dwarf tried to axe it. but what if it did......?????


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## Rúmil (Jul 19, 2002)

Indeed


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## korhall (Jul 19, 2002)

where did you get the text for your avitar? i can't find a place to get that.


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## Rúmil (Jul 19, 2002)

the Elvish script you mean?


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## korhall (Jul 19, 2002)

yeah i can't find a good translator for it.


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## Rúmil (Jul 19, 2002)

Try Yatt


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## Muffinly (Aug 13, 2002)

What if Isildur just threw th ring into the Crack of Doom to begin with




Or if Sauron never made the ring


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## korhall (Aug 13, 2002)

when gollum had it he acidently dropped it into the lake under the misty mountains it sank from sight into the depths of the world never to be seen again.


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## HLGStrider (Aug 13, 2002)

MY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## korhall (Aug 14, 2002)

> _Originally posted by HLGStrider _
> *MY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *



glub, glub, glub


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 14, 2002)

LOL


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## EverEve (Aug 20, 2002)

OR what if Frodo decided that he didnt want the ring and gave it to Boromir just after the councel?

OR what if bilbo just kept the ring to begin with, and got lost on his way to see Elrond and was never seen or heard from again?


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## HLGStrider (Apr 26, 2005)

BUMP!

These are all classics.


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## ingolmo (Apr 26, 2005)

ReadWryt said:


> Go to Moria and wait for the Balrog to open wide, then toss it down his throat. Let the Nagul try to get it out of THERE!



Good One!  
-Ingolmo


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## Starbrow (Apr 26, 2005)

What if Bilbo lost the riddle contest and became Gollum's dinner instead? Would Gollum find the ring in Bilbo's pocket or would he eat it?


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## Hobbit-GalRosie (Apr 27, 2005)

korhall said:


> during the council of the one ring when the dwarf hits it with the axe, it shatters into golden dust. the guys then all go out for a night on the town and an extremely drunk elrond starts a war with a lamp post.



This is my favorite, LOL!!!!

Well, actually, the plot-shortener itself isn't the best one but the lamp post...

Okay, how bout this. Elrond shoves Isildur and the Ring into fires of Mount Doom.

The Cave Troll smashes the Ring to smithereens with his spear when he attacks Frodo.

Celebrimbor dies of the flu before he can make any rings.

Bill the pony swallows the Ring, the whole world is turned into grain-fields for the furtherance of the equine race.


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## Alatar (Apr 27, 2005)

> The bridge of Khazad dum
> "I am a servant of the secrat fire, weilder of the flaqme of anor. The dark fire shall not avail you flame of udun. You shall not pass."
> 
> Frodo looked out in horror at the gapping chasm if anything fell in there it would never get out. Hmmmmm......
> ...


Or Gandalf flys to barad dur and stands in front of the eye till frodo destroyes the ring .
or at the battle of unumbered tears . the forces of morgoth swarmed across the gaping dust as the eldar and the farthers of men loaded the Automactic sub mechine guns. The orcs are cut doen in waves till melkor gets shot in the other foot he must lye on the flor as he is brutally murdered.


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## YayGollum (Apr 27, 2005)

Poor Mel. 

Anyways, you people know what Eru did for the evil torturer Gandalf after his fight with a balrog, yes? How's about, as an afterthought, the same dude said ---> "Hm. Wouldn't this just be a quicker way to use my omnipotence to save the day?" and sent the balrog back in time just so he can pop up in Moria a little earlier? "Oo! Lots more elf meat this time!"  

Also, contrary to what poor Smeagol suspected, in this crazy version, Shelob does eat the superly boring Frodo, but instead of leaving the One Ring alone, she decides that she deserves more pretty things and wears the nasssty thing. Sure, Sauron might send things after her, but remember that she is Shelob. One of the coolest things around. He was intelligent enough to not mess with her before that for some sort of good reason, yes? She has much fun with invisibly eating much elves. Poor Smeagol has plenty of time to kill a grieving evil sam character, too.


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## HLGStrider (Apr 27, 2005)

Shelob the Spider Wraith. . .now there is an interesting title for a comic book.


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## korhall (Apr 28, 2005)

the best place to put it... right under the black tower itself, but wrapped in a towel. the eye can't see through cloth *otherwise it would have been stairign at arwen and galadriel naked, which i personally wouldn't mind at all* so its not going to see it, not to mention, break the tower break him, and did he ever look down? i think not.


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## e.Blackstar (Apr 28, 2005)

There is a famine in the Shire and Frodo sautees, marinates, and eats the Ring.


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## Alatar (May 7, 2005)

Get a ship.Tye 40 orcs to the deck. Hang up a banner saying"we wagw war on the west".Push it in the derection of Aman.The elven crew hiding in the hold allow the ship to pass the circles of the world.The crew put the ring in the ships safe. They wait till they have just passed the lonely isle. They bail.Manwe looks down in horror,Orcs! Boom a thosand eagles pick up the ship and through it through the door of night.Melkor gets hit in the eye by a ship.He sees the ring.He puts it on. So what he is traped outside the univerce.


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## Chymaera (May 19, 2007)

bump*** 
(10 charactors)


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## Noldor_returned (May 20, 2007)

Sauron has a cardiac arrest, and gets put on life support. He now has two weaknesses...

Also, Frodo gets put into debt by the expenses of Bilbo's Party, and as a result has to auction off the Ring to the highest bidder. And who would be bidding for such a Ring? 50 Cent of course; it's part of his bling now.


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## ely (Jun 9, 2007)

Bilbo gives the Ring to Smaug, then sits back to enjoy the show.

Sauron decides to be a good guy for a change and buys everyone free drinks. 

The Nazgul lose their flying licences. 

Sauron sues Gollum for causing him emotional damage and gets the Ring as compensation.


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## Leveller (Dec 3, 2007)

Have Elrond push Isildur into Orodruin when they defeated Sauron the first time.


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## korhall (Dec 6, 2007)

give it to a nazgul and watch them fight to the death over it... then just hop on one of their mounts and fly there


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## Noldor_returned (Jan 3, 2008)

Toss a coin between Sauron and the free world. If he wins, he gets the ring. If he loses, he has to cast it in himself.

The trick is though, it goes something like this:
Elrond: Hey Sauron, if this coin lands as a 20c (quarter or equivalent of any nation), you lose. *flips 20c coin*
Sauron: Did I lose?

Btw I stole that from cyanide and happiness


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