# Silly Stuff



## Talierin (Sep 14, 2001)

I decided we needed some funny stuff around here, so I dug around on my comp for this. It was a contest for a Tolkien cartoon called Fraud of the Rings. This particular scene of it took place on Weathertop, and is a conversation between Fraudo and the Ringwaifs. Enjoy!
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Fraudo: First there is something you should know.... I am not left-handed.

Fraudo: OK OK! You producers don't need to give me a raise!

Fraudo: How about an necklace instead?

Fraudo: Wait! I left the ring on the nightstand!

Fraudo: Come on guys, it's probably not even your size...

Fraudo: I wish I was wearing my magical underwear!

Ringwaif: What are you going to do, stab my kneecaps?

Fraudo: What I lack in size, I make up for in weakness.

Ringwaif: No, I'm NOT the ghost of Christmas past!

Fraudo: Umm, Halloween was last month guys

Fraudo: Could we try a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors instead?

Fraudo: I see no faces. How do your hoods stay up?

Fraudo: Pippin has the ring. Bye!

Ringwaif: Red Rover! Red Rover! Send Fraudo on over!

Ringwaif: I suppose you think it's easy being a disembodied spirit!

Ringwaif: Aren't you too short to be heros?

Fraudo: What do you mean, roll a 20-sided dice?

Ringwaif: Welcome to the club!

Fraudo: You'll get the ring over our dead bodies. Ringwaif: Your proposal is acceptable.

Fraudo: These are not the hobbits you're looking for. Ringwaif: These are not the hobbits we're looking for.

Fraudo: About now I'm wishing someone made a few rings for hobbits.

Fraudo: Size doesn't matter, or so I'm told

Fraudo: Elbereth! Now, THAT'S A KNIFE!

Fraudo: Okay! I'll pay Barleyman the bar tab I owe him. Jeez!

Fraudo: Looks like these jawas have been nipping in the entwash.

Fraudo: What are you going to do, cut us down to size?

Fraudo: Fear not men! Our 3 movie contracts will protect us!!!

Ringwaif: Tell Gonedeaf: If you go to Khazad-Dum, you will die...

Fraudo: Oh, you must be looking for the other ring-bearer

Fraudo: Where's that damn Wizard when you need him?

Fraudo: Quick! Bite their ankles!

Fraudo: I gotta ask it ... do you guys wear anything under those robes?

Fraudo: Why would you want this ring? You already had one and look what it did to you.

Fraudo: Isn't this where XenArwen jumps in to save us?

Ringwaif: Always thought you'd be bigger.

Ringwaif: BOOO!!!!!!!! Fraudo: You convinced me. Here's the ring.

Fraudo: Ok, who forgot to pay Barliman?

Fraudo: Sam, quick! Hand me that prize from the Cracker Jacks we had for breakfast!

Fraudo: Black robes, big swords and no faces. I'm betting these are bad guys.

Ringwaif: Remember, Sauron MUST NOT KNOW that we couldn't subdue a pack of midgets.

Ringwaif: What is this?...Whack a midget day?

Fraudo: Even taking size into account they still out number us by 2 whole hobbits! 

Fraudo: Watch out! Behind you! It's Strider with a torch! Ringwaif: Thou are not fooling me, Baggins!

Fraudo: But... I swear it's not the one you looking for. I got it in a gumball machine...

Fraudo: Okay, let's make a deal: I give you the ring and you don't take me to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness...

Fraudo: That´s impossible! You can´t ALL be my father!

Fraudo: I don't think we're going to be seeing the whites of their eyes.

Ringwaif: What's YOUR favorite scary movie?

Fraudo: But I don't WEAR jewelry!

Ringwaif: AND/OR Fraudo: No we are not representatives of the Lollypop guild!

Fraudo: Yes I know Arwen and No I will not fix you up with her.

Fraudo: It’s in the mail.

Fraudo: Ring? Oh no, I gave it to the other black rider. Sorry for you to have made this trip for nothing...

Ringwaif: Fraudo ... Gandalf never told you what happened to your father...

Fraudo: Hey Sam! How's your stupid rope going to help us NOW?

Fraudo: I knew I should've taken those growth hormone pills!

Fraudo: If this is about those tax-free deductibles... I... I can explain!

Fraudo: Always Three there are, a master, and an apprentice. The third is an extra from Scream.

Ringwaif: Put on the ring. We DARE you!

Fraudo: Wow, that's some BAD pipeweed.

Ringwaif: AND/OR Fraudo: "What do you want a ring for? Gold doesn't look good on you."

Ringwaif: Oh man. We're outnumbered!

Ringwaif: Come Back. AND/OR Fraudo:Only for three points on the movie & merchandising. Oh and throw in one of those styling black robes.

Ringwaif: You kids seen any Hobbits?

Fraudo: So...what's a nice waif like you doing in a place like this?

Fraudo: Help Tom Bombadill! Yikes! He got edited!

Fraudo: Tom Bobadillo! Tim Bimbadollo! Tom Bobobla! Oh Crap!

Ringwaif: AND/OR Fraudo:Wait a darn minute, there should be only two, an apprentice and a master??

Fraudo: Ehh... Weapons cannot hurt me! I signed on for all THREE movies!

Fraudo: Ring? What ring? You mean wedding ring, the One Ring, Ring around the Rosie?

Fraudo: Hey, when did I become Fraudo of the Eight Fingers?

Ringwaif: Hello, we represent the Infernal Ringwaif Service. Youwill hand over all valuable Rings to the IRS right now!

Ringwaif: "Underhill", how appropriate ... you soon will be.

Ringwraif: The boss wants his ring back, Hobbits. you don’t wanna mess with da boss...

Fraudo: See ya! or maybe not.

Fraudo: "Oh great, who ordered the three beligerant wraiths?

Fraudo: "Sorry, the Scream convention is next door."

Fraudo: Let’s have a staring contest!

Fraudo: If you come with us maybe the wizard will give you some faces!

Ringwaif: AND/OR Fraudo: tooo Moorrrdoorrrr weee willl takkee yo-cough, cough- Oh! just give us the damn ring!!!!

Fraudo: Your swords AREN'T rubber?.......Props!!

Fraudo: Look, when PJ yells "cut", that DOESN'T mean "cut the hobbits"!

Ringwaif: Excuse me, but have you seen a short little guy with a magic ring. We need to borrow it so the Dark Lord can take over the world.

Ringwaif: I'll cut you in half!.... Nevermind.

Fraudo: Look over there! It's the Ringbearer!

Fraudo: Dude! You got no face!

Ringwaif: Cut! Fraudo: Peter? Is that you?

Fraudo: You guys aren't trick-or-treating elves by any chance?

Ringwaif: Fear not! We are but simple jewelry appraisers ...

Fraudo: Aren't your hands supposed to be invisible?

Fraudo: I see dead people!

Fraudo: "Didn't I see you in The Frighteners?"

Ringwaif: With this ring, I thee bled.

Fraudo: "You negotiated our movie salaries based on a height scale?!"

Ringwaif: Damn, we’re too late. Someone already cut them in half.

Ringwaif: You don't scare us. Fraudo: How I wish we could say the same.

Fraudo: There's never an elven glass around when you want one.

Ringwaif: Our swords are bigger than your body!

Fraudo: You may take our lives, but you will never take our FREEDOM!! Right guys? Guys?

Ringwaif: Alright, empty your pockets. NOW!

Fraudo: Sorry, guys, I gotta disappear now ...

Fraudo:THAT'S IT! I don't want to hear one more chorus of "Short People got no reason to live!"

Ringwaif: They'll even cut steel! NOW how much would you pay?

Ringwaifs: We come in peace. *snicker* We mean you no harm. *giggle*

Fraudo: We represent the Lollipop Guild.

Fraudo: Naw, you guys are at the wrong place. The filming for Sleepy Hollow II is five blocks the other way.

Fraudo: Um, excuse me, are you off to see the Wizard too?

Ringwaif: We're a LITTLE lost. Fraudo: Starting with the short jokes already, huh? Get him guys!

Fraudo: Willow? Sorry guys, wrong movie.

Fraudo: Dang-it Sam, I told you something bad would happen if you forgot to pay off those phone bills!

Ringwaif: You MUST try our VANISHING creme. It's to DIE for. Fraudo: Is it just me, or are Amway salesmen getting PUSHY?!

Fraudo: A couple more years and I look like THAT?!

Ringwaif: I'm telling you, these little guys are delicious!

Fraudo: Strider-? Ringwaif: Strode away!

Fraudo: Whaddaya MEAN you left your menacing faces in Mordor?

Fraudo: Remember the rules, we CAN hit below the belt!

Fraudo: Who makes your robes? Seriously.

Fraudo: "Watch it, I know Elven, and I am not afraid to use it!"

Fraudo: Okay, I'll swap the ring....and Sam for one horse and a ten second head start?

Fraudo: Ehm...do you happen to know the way to Rivendell??

Fraudo: Us? What are you Tolkien about?

Ringwaif: AND/OR Fraudo: Good heavens, your breath!! Lay off the fell meats!

Fraudo: This isn't the One Ring you're looking for...

Fraudo: I think we've got 'em outnumbered.

Fraudo: Trick or Treat??

Fraudo: C'mon, buddy. Let's see you pick on someone your own size!

Fraudo: No No No! This ring has a cubic zirconia on it? See?

Fraudo: Look... tell Sauron I just borrowed it... I'll give it back soon... I promise

Fraudo: Dammit Aragorn... of all the times......... water the tree later.... we have company!

Fraudo: Uh... Peter? Mr Jackson? I'm really not getting paid enough for this... where's my double? What? $350 million and you’re talking about budget cuts?

Fraudo: My name is Mr. Underhill... You killed my father... prepare to die!

Fraudo: Oh crap! it's Bakshi, Rankin, and Bass! Run for it! 

Fraudo: Oh no! It's the Mordor Synchronized Stabbing Team

Fraudo: The check's in the mail! Honest!

Fraudo: Definitely not CGI!!!!!!

Fraudo: All three could be PJ ?!!

Fraudo: I gave at the office!

Fraudo: Can't we start with a few riddles?

Fraudo: Och, you can take my ring... but you can't take my freeeeeedom!

Ringwaif: Fraudo: I am your father, and this is your crazy Uncle Ned and your nephew Art

Fraudo: I thought Liv Tyler was supposed to do all of the fighting!!

Fraudo: Uh oh! I think they've come to reposses my ring.

Fraudo: For the last time, we don't want The Watchtower!

Fraudo: Look, the reality is is that there are two and a half books left, so take a hike...


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## Talierin (Sep 14, 2001)

Fraudo: ... and my mom said, size doesn't matter ...

Fraudo: Not fair, your swords are taller than us!

Fraudo: No, I don't need to be cut down to size thank you.

Fraudo: You'll only get this ring over my friends' dead bodies!

Ringwaifs: (hiisssssss) Fraudo: Dang, the ashes in Mordor certainly cause a lot of emphysema.....

Ringwaif: If we're tall Jawas, then you're hairless Ewoks!

Ringwaif: No, Fraudo. *I* am your father!

Fraudo: Where the hell is Strider with his flaming brands?

Ringwaif: Give us the Ring, Hobbits. Fraudo: We prefer the term "Digitally Shrunk".

Fraudo: Uh, Peter.. what's my motivation in this scene?

Fraudo: Merry has it.

Fraudo: Don't mess with the Tween-age Mutant Ninja Hobbits!

Ringwaifs: No, Fraudo... WE are your fathers. Fraudo: No, it's not true! It's.. well, impossible.

Fraudo: Anybody know what I have to roll to kill a Ringwaif?

Fraudo: Oh no! Transparent characters!

Fraudo: I can handle the swords but not their Gregorian Chant!

Fraudo: Look who's asking for a Hobbit Headlock!

Fraudo: Could somebody maybe give the police a ring?

Fraudo: Egads! Suddenly I feel underpaid!

Fraudo: And I thought insurance salesmen were pushy!

Fraudo: Don't make me get quasi-medieval on ya!

Fraudo: Can I hit below the belt?

Fraudo: No, I don't know the way to Mordor...

Ringwaif: We're from the jewelry collection agency.

Fraudo: Don't slash till you see the whites of their eyes!!!

Ringwaif: You call that a knife?!?

Ringwaifs: We are the Waifs. Resistance is futile. Your kings and magical rings will be added to our own.

Fraudo: New orders, friends. We're not taking the ring to Mordor. We're running like heck.

Fraudo: You can't kill me yet! The movie isn't even out!

Fraudo: You want a piece of me? On second thought, forget I said that.

Fraudo: As always! I get the short straw...

Fraudo: Excuse me, we seem to be lost. Can you tell us the way to Rivendell?

Ringwaif: A little short for a warrior, aren’t you?

Fraudo: If this is about my overdue library books, I can explain!

Fraudo: I think I'll need a bigger blade. Give me the slasher, caddie.

Ringwaif: "That's not a sword! Now THIS is a sword!"

Fraudo: You want the RUNG ??? ( film shot in New Zealand with Kiwi extras, think.)

Fraudo: Why do those Forces of Evil always get the niftier costumes?

Ringwaif: I'm not a bad person, because I'm technically no longer human.

Fraudo: I think I just wet my mail.

Fraudo: Do you think you could use swords that aren't twice our size?

Fraudo: There are three rings in a relationship. An engagement ring, A wedding ring, and this is the third - suffeRING...

Fraudo: I think I'll choose what's below hood number 2!

Fraudo: Ok, but I insist on a receipt!

Ringwaif: Give it to us! Fraudo: Do you take mastercard?

Ringwaif: Look, ma! No faces!

Fraudo: No problem folks, our big pal Strider will handle this... Strider? STRIDER? Hey, he's running away!

Fraudo: No, we haven't seen any Bar Bar Jinx.

Fraudo: I'll use this! Ringwaif: Could you? I've got something in my teeth.

Fraudo: Oh, black was so last season.

Fraudo: Neee!! Neee!! Neeee!!! Well, I'm outta ideas.

Fraudo: We come in peace! Ringwaif: And you'll leave in pieces

Ringwaif: Can we interest you in some thigh-sculptors?

Ringwaif: You are now entering a dark zone. Please pay one golden ring as a tribute to the Dark Lord.

Fraudo: You seem rather pale, don't you guys grow oranges in Mordor?

Ringwaif: In Sauron's name, they have multiplied!

Fraudo: I thought you had a scythe.

Fraudo: No I had to give it away. You see, we didn’t have enough money to pay Butterbur...

Ringwaif: Strange, you're so much bigger on TV!

Ringwaif: No, we're from Revenue...

Fraudo: Oh...THAT "One Ring!"

Ringwaif: Now you have gone too far! You will see the witch-king uncloaked! Be afraid, I haven't changed my underpants in 2000 years!

Ringwaif: Trick or treat!

Fraudo: I have a bad feeling about this [TM]

Fraudo: If you're supposed to be invisible, why can I see your hands?

Ringwaif: Don't blame me, I just work for the repo agency!

Fraudo: Hey! Pick on someone of your own size!

Ringwaif: Mine's bigger.

Fraudo: In this case BIG is better.

Ringwaif: Which one of you is the ringbearer? Fraudo: Hear that, Sam? He's talking to you!

Ringwaif: Nice toothpick, shorty

Fraudo: Err..How's the weather up there?

Fraudo: Err..Sam, you talk to them!

Fraudo: Sorry about that tall joke!

Fraudo: I'd face you, if you had faces!


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Sorry this was so long!


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## Talierin (Sep 14, 2001)

*Silly Stuff 2*

Here's another one, same cartoon, except this time it's the words on the ring.
_________________________


Warning: holding a red hot ring in your hand may cause burns

Known side-effects: Invisibility, Lust for Power, Loss of Corporeal Form, Enslavement to the Dark Lord, Insomnia, Moral Decay... 

"TWO Rings to rule them all, two rings to...." DAMN Jackson and his meddling!

"I Shot J.R.R"

"Redeemable at participating Burger Kings"

Advance to directly to Mordor. Do not pass Gondor. Do not collect 200 dollars.

Caution: side effects may include invisibility, mind-control, and a general 'wraithlike' feeling..

Instructions : Insert finger, Rule world

I visited Mordor and all I got was this lousy ring-Prince Isildor

Sauron is not responsible for any severing of fingers resulting in wearing The One Ring.

Evil ring, property of Sauron, do not touch! Well... it looks safe to use.

"only first 5 uses free"

Do not immerse in water.

Give a hobbit a fish and he eats for a day. Turn a hobbit invisible, and he eats fish for a lifetime.

You won’t have to worry about matching pairs of gloves in the future...

"If you wear it, they will come."

One film to rule them all. One film to find them. One film to find them all. And in the cinemas bind them!

How would I know? I just make fireworks...

"Washer C5" Ha! I've been searching for this for 20 years! Now I can finally put my bookcase together!

Handle with care - radiation hazard.

They say, "Made you squint!"

It says,"The Wheel of Fire goes round-and-round, round-and-round, round-and-round..."

Finders Keepers

"Ingest only clear liquids when utilizing this ring!"

"Marry me, Gandalf." Oh, Frodo! I didn't know you felt that way!

Ringwraiths sold separately.

Ash nash...nazgh...ngash... never mind.

Keep out of reach of hobbits, which is not difficult!

Single Evil Male seeks Single Evil Female for romance, elf tormenting, and world domination schemes. Signed, Lonely on Mount Doom.

It says, "You must be this high to wear the Ring." Sorry Frodo, you're out.

Handmade by Sauron the Maia

Do not use in combination with a Dark Lord.

Surgeon General's Warning:...

I don't know, but this is the angriest mood ring I've ever seen!

Do not expose to naked flame

"Warning: throwing Ring into fire will activate perilous quest"

McDonald's Happy Meal Toy

"Thar she glows!"

Gandalf, I am your father. - Sauron

It says, "Three movies to delight them, Seven hundred Web pages to excite them, Nine trailers for the mortals coming to cry, One for the first mortals on their high speed thrones, In their home offices where their shadows lie, One more Web link to fuel them all, One English legend to find them, One director to bring them all, and in the darkroom bind them, In the Land of Zealand where the sets all lie 

In Sauron we trust.

Mordor Lifetime Warranty

'Rule middle-earth now, ask me how'

One ounce of forest berries. One pack of athelas. One crumbled piece of elven way-bread. And in gelatine bind them. - For more recipes from 'Sauron's tome of Cooking', please return me to the Dark Land. - Yours Faithfully, Sauron.

"I could go for a knuckle sandwich."

"Be the life of the party!..Amaze your friends!..Throw your voice!...enslave the world!!...Great gag gift!!"

Wait!..It's from the Talmud! "He who saves one life...Saves the world entire"....Schindler will be glad to see this again!! 

For instant immortality, just add finger

"There once was.." My god, that's disgusting!

How do you keep a fool busy for hours? See other side... How do you keep a fool busy for hours? See other side....

Highly flammable.

I see London, I see France, I see someone's... well, really!

Those are just scratch marks; it was a tooth spacer for Smaug.

It is Aramaic! It reads... 'He who is valorous and pure of heart may find the Holy Grail in the aaaaarrrrrrggghhh...'

Take two of these and call me in the morning.

OK, whoever wrote this has a serious potty mouth!

Keep out of reach of Baggins'

"Help! I'm trapped in a ring factory!"

"For all your catering needs, call 1-800-Sauron"

Return to Mordor: Lost and Found section of Barad-dur (see my lieutenant, the Mouth of Sauron, at the Black Gate)

"You may have already won the great war! Return to Mt. Doom to redeem."

"Boss, you've got me wrapped around your little finger."

Warning: do not expose to temperatures above 3000 degrees.

Warning: use of ring will cause hair lost, overweight, and insanity.

To be invisible press 1, for service press 2, to rule the world press 3...

"Kilroy wuz here." I hate magical graffiti.

They say, "The One Ring. A small subdivision of Microsoft." Geez, Bill Gates really IS everywhere!

Goodness, it's the meaning of Sev! Oh, but wait, it says that anyone who can't read the fiery letters was not meant to know. Sorry.

"improper use may result in total armageddon."

"Part one of a three part series"

"This space for rent"

For evil use only.

For total domination send to Sauron, Mordor

Hand crafted by the dark lord

"You will meet a tall, handsome ranger.."

"Best if used before.."

Accidental wearing not covered by warranty, but is likely to occur.

"Bakshi was here . . ."

Happiness disrupted or your money back.

Remove glowing foil to consume melted chocolate.

Admit one finger for gruesome journey into eternal night. Finger not guaranteed to be present upon removal.

You will find happiness in the company of friends. Lucky Numbers: 7,12,78,52, 9,11

Gods and monsters, my apt pupil! This belongs to my Magneto costume!!

"You may already be a loser..."

www.inscriptions.com

Never mind what the ring says! Get me some ice for my hand you putz!!

"If lost, return to: Sauron, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie."

It is as I had feared. Sauron was married!

Don't not use for Weddings!!!

If this ring does not cause invisibility please return to us for replacement ring or for a full refund.

It says "Not to be handled by Boromir" 

No animals were hurt or killed in the making of this ring

Warning: Fire Hazard!

"To my darling Sauron, my forest will always be open to you - Galadriel"

Made of 100% pure evil. No fruit juice or preservatives.

Give Gollum the finger. Literally!

Warning: Choking Hazard

... Forged in Taiwan, pphh! what a gyp!

It says: "He who laughs last, did not get the joke!"

"Return to Sender"....Hmmm....

"If legible while wearing..."

If you can read this, you don't need glasses.

Lucky numbers: 3,7,9,11

Whatever it is, it's tiny.

It says "Sheepdog of the Year Award" - well, we are in New Zealand..

"The Oen Ring" ... Must be a misprint.

It says "Rub three times for genie" Damn ! I knew we were re-using old props in this film.

The One Ring. Copyright (C) SA800 Sauron, Inc. Sauron, Inc cannot be held responsible for any fading, injury, pursuit by Ringwraiths, or death consequential to the use of this Ring.

User Guide: Put ring on finger and rule!

To Gandalf with love. -S

Minimal requirements: One mortal. Strong diabolical mind recommended.

Warranty void if heated over 100°C

Don´t dare to throw me in the fire again, old fuzzface...

Property of New Line Cinema

Vote for Sauron! Vote for Democracy!

"made in New Zealand"

The One Ring. Limited Edition. #427 of 1000

Return for fifteen cent deposit in the state of Mordor.

Warning: Side effects may include visibility impairment and megalomania.

Contains glucose, baking powder, food colour (4559Z)...

"Using this ring may be hazardous to your health."

Soon to be a Major Motion Picture

Thanks for throwing me into the fire, jerk!"

Go ahead, pointy hat. Put me on. Make my day.

Side effects include invisibility, mood swings, personality changes, and unnaturally extended lifespan. Do not wear in Mordor.

Replace batteries every thousand years

This product has no implied warranty of merchantability or fitness.

Refrigerate After Use

It is a warning about enslaving teenagers. It says, "One ring to rule the mall..."

"I tried to give you the world, and you just gave me the finger..."

"Call Galadriel for good time."

"Do you mind if I put the flaming hot ring down first, you twit?!"

If found, please return to Sauron c/o Witchking, Minas Morgul.

The same thing they say every night, Frodo - "try to take over the world!"

Caution - May cause enslavement to the Dark Lord

As Seen on TV

To be released in Christmas 2001

...Coming soon to a theater near you?!

One ring to rule them all, one thing to remember: Give me back to Sauron or it's digits I'll dismember.

To John, with love? You idiot! This is someone's wedding band!

Recycle Value: 5 cents

Patent Pending.

"Genuine 14 Karat Gold"

Warning: If you see this message you have thrown the Ring into a fire and your warranty is now void!

WARNING! Do not heat! End of age may result.

Void if Removed


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## Talierin (Sep 14, 2001)

Size 9

It says "Insert punchline here"

I'm not certain, but I think we're engaged.

Made in Valinor? What?

Do not remove Tag under penalty of law.

If you can read this, thank a wizard.

with this ring, I thee dread

"Caution: Wraiths May Seem Closer Than They Appear"

Warning: May cause one to bite off fingers if worn for a lengthy period of time. 

It says, "Esteemed reader of the fiery letters. I’m hope this ring finds you well. I am writing this so you will not believe any silly notions of his ring being a ring of power. It is a simple ring; I made it for my daughter Tammy when she was five. When Sauron came to power he claimed that he had made a ring to rule all others. Please do not believe this. Do not think by destroying it that the world will be saved. Please, do not send any innocent creatures to try to sneak in to Mordor and throw it into the cracks of doom. It will profit nothing! Dear reader, I implore you don’t believe the lies.--------your pal, Sauron(oh, crap, did I just sign my real name?)

'reading these words will cause one to become subtle and quick to anger'

for only 9.99 more, you can get the matching necklace and earrings

Caution: Hot

One size to fit them all....

This Ring has been made by Sauron inc. All rights reserved

Objects in ring are less visible than they appear.

You may already have won

"Dear Morgoth: You are the wind beneath my wings, love Sauron."

Destroy Middle-Earth. Rinse. Repeat.

We apologize for the inconvenience

"Apply to affected area."

"Return For A Free Coca-Cola"

"Sauron, Our love is forever, -Sauron"

Congratulations!You have won an all expenses paid trip to Mordor

Sorry, you are not a winner, please try again.

$14.95 ... Hey ! Bilbo has left with the true one !

"Property of Sauro.." Frodo! Take this back to Sauron right this minute! 

Numenor High RULES!!! Class of 1087

It says "This fiery pen is pretty cool!!!"

"Arwen should not be at Helm's Deep"??? What the...

Made in Mordor

Property of Sauron, Generous reward if returned

Eat at Sauron's

Let me put it this way; I'd rethink giving this to your fiancee

It says "Do not place in Cracks of Doom on penalty of federal law"

Keep away from open flames

Captain Sauron's Secret Decoder Ring

Side effects may include invisibility, paranoia, and possessiveness.

If found, please return to Sauron, 1 Barad-Dur Lane, Mordor.

Keep out of reach of children.

"If you film it, they will come."

"A Crackerjacks Product."

"Ha ha, made you look."

"Caution: do not operate near bathtub."

"Warning: Do not read."

One size fits all

Water resistant up to 1000 meters.

My friend went to Middle Earth, and all I got was this lousy Ring

If you can read this, it's too late.

Avoid contact with skin.

Not intended for children under 3 years of age.

Warning, extremely hot!

Class of XX, Middle Earth High. 

Property of J.R.R.T. 

"Warning: Do not put of finger while letters are seen"

If found, please return to...

Hot--handle with care

Batteries not included

"Visit Sauron's School for Dark Arts". 

"Danger, hot metal!" Ouch!

LOTR-Collectibles #3 - The One Ring, exclusively brought to you by Kellogg's

Congratulations, you won a trip for two to ....

Property of Dark One, 666 Mordor

Registered Trade Mark

Gollum was here

property of Gollum

Beware the 25th of March!

World domination or dust!

Celebrimbor is a looser!

Númenor sucks!

Property of (striked through) Sauron (in different writing) Isildur.

Congratulations! You've just passed Sauron's "Evil Eye [TM]" examination!

Something about, "One trilogy to rule them all..."

Suitable for ages 3 and up...

Thank you for purchasing the JRR-1 Model Dark Ring. For further instructions...
"harmful or fatal if swallowed"

"Not to be taken internally"

Warning: Choking hazard for hobbits under 90 years.

"Collect all 10 magic rings!"

Eat at Joes!

One comp to lure them all, one comp to tease them, one comp to bring them all and in the darkness sev them.

Great. The world's going to be saved by an illiterate.

No deposit, no return.

If you can read this, you're too close.

One for all and all for one!

Congratulations! you may already have won $10,000...

Dammit Frodo, I'm a wizard, not a dictionary!

Property of Sauron.com!

Enter at your own risk!

Return to Sender.

Made in Taiwan.

Buyer beware!


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## Tar-Ancalime (Sep 14, 2001)

LOL that was like really funny, tal, where'd u find it my friend would enjoy that


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## Talierin (Sep 15, 2001)

Look on www.theonering.net under their fan section. They have a section under the fan section called cartoons or comics.


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## Tar-Ancalime (Sep 15, 2001)

How did u get that many posts?


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## Kementari (Sep 15, 2001)

Lol!!!!!!! Strider, strode away! That nearly killed me!

I have a link to a comic strip about the Balrog (aka Bullfrog), its not as funny as the inscription on the Ring one though. lol!!

http://www.sev.com.au/toonzone/scificomp/strips/scifi138.asp


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## Talierin (Sep 15, 2001)

How did I get so many posts where? If you're talking about above, that's only four posts.

I think most of them are just hilarious! I really like the IRS (Infernal Ringwaif Service) one!


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## Tar-Ancalime (Sep 15, 2001)

that whole thing was funny! 


> property of sauron(striked out) ilsidur(in different writing)


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## Chippy (Sep 30, 2001)

that is long but funny


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## Uminya (Sep 30, 2001)

Thank God for cut and paste, eh Tal? 

If it weren't 2 am, I'd laugh my arse off, but I'm delerious, so this post might not actually be here.....hmm.....

Here's a few I thought of meself:

Lidless Eye is watching you!

Handcrafted in Sammath-Naur

Patent Pending

If found, please deposit in the Crack of Doom nearest you.


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## Talierin (Sep 30, 2001)

Copy, Cut and Paste...... God's gift to internet users........


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## Chippy (Sep 30, 2001)

lol!!!!!!!!!!


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## Aerin (Sep 30, 2001)

I think that those sayings are hilarious!!! "Batteries not included..."


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## Greymantle (Oct 1, 2001)

"My name is Mr. Underhill... You killed my father... prepare to die!"
"Tom Bobadillo! Tim Bimbadollo! Tom Bobobla! Oh Crap!"

*Chuckles*


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## Aerin (Oct 18, 2001)

Underhill, how appropriate, you soon will be!


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## Tar-Ancalime (Oct 19, 2001)

You'll get this over my friends dead bodies


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## Aerin (Oct 20, 2001)

Made in Mordor.


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## Tar-Ancalime (Oct 20, 2001)

you mean the one ring the ring around the rosie


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## baggins (Nov 5, 2001)

yeah that was funny talerin


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## Walter (Dec 5, 2001)

I wonder if this Diary of Sauron is fake or really part of the HoME:

_*August 2, 3018 TA:* 

This place sucks. Watching from the top window I can see only slag and ashes. I much preferred our old block flat in Mirkwood Towers: at least there was green to be seen. 
It was my wife, of course, who wanted to move here. Mirkwood Towers was too much frequented by travelling salesmen, she said. Plus, the last one stole a map from the library. 
But I think what she really disliked about it was the visits I paid to Eddie the Bullfrog across the River in Moria. 
Mount Boom smells like a thousand years' egg. I wonder what the cook is preparing for lunch again._

What do You think??? 

The "complete" Diary can be found here: http://rover.vistecprivat.de/~lalaith/Tolkien/Diary.html


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## Elbereth (May 18, 2002)

I was checking out some old threads on the forum and I came across this one that I thought was worth checking out.

Talierin, those are really hillarious. It took me a long time to read them all...or rather skim them all...but they are great!


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