# This is TRULY a Stuff and Bother thread!



## yhwh1st (Jul 17, 2007)

A friend e-mailed this to me and I want to know if anyone can add anything to the list. (This ought to be interesting!)

ONLY IN AMERICA... 

1. Only in America......can you get pizza to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke. 

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATMs with Braille lettering. Some people say that they have Braille so a blind person can walk up to the ATM. Is it wise for a blind person to walk up to a DRIVE-UP ATM. 

EVER WONDER????

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? 
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? 

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? 

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, how do they know it tastes so good? 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress? 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Who gets to make up the street names? 

DID YOU KNOW THAT

On a bar of Dial soap the directions are "Use like regular soap." 
(and how exactly is that done??)

On some Swanson frozen dinners the Serving suggestion are to: "Defrost."
(but remember, it's "just" a suggestion.)

Printed on the bottom of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert it says, "Do not turn upside down." 
(well that information was a little bit late don't you think!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding it says that: "Product will be hot after heating."
(Thank you! I had no idea) 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron it says "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time???)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine it tells you to: "not drive a car or or operate machinery after taking this medication." 
(Well now that I know that I'm going to try and keep those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid it says: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and I'm taking this because???) 

On most brands of Christmas lights it says: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what exactly - using them in my fish tank?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts it the warning says: "May contains nuts." 
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts the instructions are to: "Open packet and eat nuts."
(Thank you it would have taken me all day to figure that one out!)


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## yhwh1st (Jul 18, 2007)

If anybody can add things they do in their country or state or whatever else. I'd love to read it. I also have a Seattle jokes...uh...thing...too. I'll see if I can dig it up somewhere...


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## Wolfshead (Jul 22, 2007)

The thing about that 'Only In America' thing, is that I've also seen the exact same list as 'Only in Scotland' and 'Only in Britain'. Infact, I would say the first 9 are relevant to the UK (and probably Australia, New Zealand, Canada, France, Germany etc). As for drive-up ATM's... that's not something I've encountered before. It seems like a very American thing to do, so I'll let you have that one


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## yhwh1st (Jul 22, 2007)

I just posted this when I was bored.  Guess I could've gone to read a book instead...


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## Varokhâr (Jul 23, 2007)

But its still hilariously relevant


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## yhwh1st (Jul 23, 2007)

Ok then. *shrugs* I actually sent this to Ara a while ago. So she's already seen it.  The italics are my responses. 

Oh! From what I've been told these can apply to the UK as well! 



SEATTLE JOKES (You gotta love this place...right?) 

A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"
The kid says, "How should I know?
I'm only 6."

*********************************************

"I can't believe it.” said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"
"Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."

*********************************************

What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
-A weekend.

*********************************************

What did the Seattle native say to the Pillsbury Doughboy? 
-"Nice tan."

*********************************************

Meteorological experts were predicting a gargantuan flood that would
destroy the world. The Pope went on worldwide TV and said, "This is
punishment from God. Prepare to meet your Maker." The President went
on national TV and announced; "Our scientists have done all they can.
The end is near." The Seattle evening news came on and said, "Today's
five day forecast
-same as usual."

*********************************************

What does daylight savings time mean in Seattle?
- An extra hour of rain.

*********************************************

It rains only twice a year in Seattle:
-August to April and May to July.

**************************************

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN SEATTLE IF...

a. You believe the weather man. _Who wouldn’t? I actually really do._

b. You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty. _Sometimes_

c. You use the words 'sun breaks' and know what it means. _Haha! On occasion._

d. You know more than 10 words to describe a cup of coffee. _Oh! No problem there! _

e. You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid. _Ha! Too true! (but not quite twice as much)_

f. You never go camping without water-proof matches and ponchos. _And that’s unusual?_

g. Half your friends work at Microsoft or Boeing. _Well, not quite half…_

h. You know the exact location of fifteen drive-through espresso stands in your neighborhood (so you don't have to get out of your car to get a latte), yet you regularly walk to work. _Of course!_

i. You stand on a deserted street corner in the rain waiting for the light to change. _I’m not THAT stupid._

j. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners. _Come to think of it, I don’t think I know ANYONE in the Pudget Sound area who has AC._

k. You obey all traffic laws except keep right and left passing. _HA!! Too true about most Washingtonians, but not about me. For them, more like ‘Keep left and right passing’_

l. You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else. _Yup. But it doesn't really apply for me because my horn doesn't work. YIKES!!! _

m. You consider swimming an indoor sport. _It isn’t? _

n. You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude. _Well, it IS true!_

o. You are currently working as a computer consultant ... in
Portland. _Not me, but I know a few…_

p. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, and Thai food blindfolded. _Pretty close. They’re all good, except I’ve never had Korean._

q. In the winter, you go to work in the dark, come home in the dark, and-only have an 8 hour day. _Haha!_ _No comment._

r. You consider a floating bridge a pain, not an engineering marvel. _Don’t laugh! It IS a pain! Traffic gets backed up so bad..._

s. You personally know someone from Alaska. _Several, actually... I also know several people who vacation there regularly._


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## Noldor_returned (Jul 24, 2007)

LOLOLOLOLOL

That's so awesome. I'll put some Australian ones up when I get the time (so in 60 years?)


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