# Lord of the Pants



## Mina Pitcher (Apr 2, 2002)

There might be a tread on this already, but here goes...
Boromir: Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants. 

Aragorn on Caradhras: We must wear pants!
Gandalf: No!

Galadreiel: Will you look into my pants?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadreiel: Even the wisest cannot tell...

How many can you think up? I know of loads, but my brains still asleep this morning...


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## DGoeij (Apr 2, 2002)

Gandalf: Your fly, you fool!


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## Moriel (Apr 2, 2002)

Your fly, you fool! **falls off of chair, shaking with laughter**
Gondor has no pants, Gondor needs no pants! **can't breathe**


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## Lantarion (Apr 3, 2002)

*also falls off chair, grasping his sides and shaking with uncontrollable laughter*
*in the flurry accidentally grabs the mouse, and wrenches the speakers and the screen down with it onto the ground*

Your *haaaaaaahaha*f-f-fly *hahahaa* you f-fool! ROTFLMAO!!!  

You are truly a comic genious. Haha! *wipes a tear off his eyes* LOL, I say.. wheeew

Bilbo: "Do you still have your pants? I would like to see them again."
Frodo: "No, Bilbo my dear. I'm afraid I lost them."


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## Mina Pitcher (Apr 3, 2002)

Uhhhhhhhh, moriel? I think u might have your signature a bit muddled up!!!


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## chrysophalax (Apr 3, 2002)

ROTFL!!!*many startled people glare at me as I disturb the entire library! DGoeij, I love it!!


Gollum: "Poor, poor Smeagol! They took his Pants and he's lost now!"
Frodo: "Perhaps we'll find them again, if you come with us."


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## LadyGaladriel (Apr 3, 2002)

*OMG!*



> _Originally posted by DGoeij _
> *Gandalf: Your fly, you fool! *




DGoeij - Pure Genuis . I split my sides laughing !


Keep more coming in!


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## Mormegil (Apr 3, 2002)

Gandalf to the Balrog: "I am a servant of the secret fire. Wearer of the pants of Anor."


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## Aerin (Apr 3, 2002)

ROTFL you guys.. this just cracks me up!!! 

Aragorn: I am the wearer of the pants of the West. 

The pants that were re-stitched in Rivendell could be Anduril.. hehe

Gollum: Nasssty Bagginsess.. they takes our pantsess...


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## Ancalagon (Apr 3, 2002)

DGoeij; I am in awe, that is a peach of a one-liner.

Mina-Pitcher: I am inspired, who said comedy was dead?

Gandalf to Sam after pulling him him up by the ear!



> 'I don't,' said Gandalf grimly. 'It is some time since I last heard the sound of your zip. How long have you been pantsdropping?'
> 
> 'Pantsdropping, Sir? I don't follow you, begging your pardon. There ain't no pants at Bag End, and that's a fact.'


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## Goldberry344 (Apr 3, 2002)

Sam could say (in the movie).... "I aint been droppin no pants, sir!"


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## Gary Gamgee (Apr 3, 2002)

> _Originally posted by DGoeij _
> *Gandalf: Your fly, you fool! *



GENIUS loved it sooo good


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## Lillyaundra (Apr 3, 2002)

3 pants for the elven kings, in their hour of pantlessness, 
7 for the dwarf lords in their halls of pants, 
9 for mortal men doomed to nakedness!!,
1 pair for the dark lord in his pantless relm,
in the land of Mordor where the Buttons fly!!
1 pair to rule them all,
1 pair to find them,
1 pair to bring them all,
and in darkness sew them! 
in the land of Mordor where the Buttons fly!!

(I had help!!)


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## Shadowfax (Apr 3, 2002)

*Gandalf in the Mines of Moria*

"Fool of a Took!" he growled. "This is a serious journey, not a hobbit strip-party. Throw your pants in next time and rid us of your stupidity!"


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## Tarien (Apr 4, 2002)

ROTFLOL!!!


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## DGoeij (Apr 4, 2002)

I'm sorry, its one of those pop-ups. I don't think I can live up to the expectations.


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## Adrastea (Apr 5, 2002)

Don't worry DGoeij ...Your life doesn't depend on it....



"I have come, but I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The pants is mine"

"Pants, pants, pants!" Gollum cried. "My pants! O My Pants! blah blah blah.. Out of the depths came his last wail _pantss_, and he was gone."


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## Moriel (Apr 5, 2002)

*noooooooooo.........................*

No, no, the siggy is fine, that is the origonal draft for the Ringspell, its in the 'Return of the Shadow' part of the 'Histories of Middle-earth' by Christopher Tolkien. Gotta love it.


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## LadyGaladriel (Apr 5, 2002)

Pantless is he who says farewell when the pants darken!


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## Lillyaundra (Apr 6, 2002)

Jeans at you service,
Shorts at your service,
Khaki at you service,
Bleached at you service,
Torn at you service,
Dress at you service,
P.J.s at you service,
Patched at you service,
Wool at you service,
Halfleg at you service,
Hole at you service,
Pocket at you service,
And I am Pants at you service,

We are all at your service!!

This is from the Hobbit though......should I delete it???

They are my own, my own, my pantsesss


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## Rangerdave (Apr 6, 2002)

One pant to rule them all
One pant to find them
One pant to bring them all
and in the darkness bind them

In the land of Mordor
Where Button Fly


God that was awful
RD

BTW Lillyaundra 
I think you meant Khaki.


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## Ancalagon (Apr 6, 2002)

My Nickname on Return to Castle Wolfenstein and Jedi Knight 2 Multiplayer is Purple Y-Fronts! Just thought I would share that interesting fact with you.


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## elvish-queen (Apr 6, 2002)

ok, my family thinks i'm a bit wierder than i usually am!
Your fly, you fool! ROTFL!!! *wipes tears out of eyes* o, damn, i think I broke a rib, ow.
some of those are really good, I don't have much of a brain for these, though.
Ahh, my ribs HURT!


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## Mina Pitcher (Apr 8, 2002)

I just had a thought... someone tell legoman about this, hed love it!

Legolas: There are some fell pants on the wind!
Gandalf: They're SARUMANS!!!

Gandalf on Orthanc: pants pants pants pants pants pants pants pants Gwaihir pants pants pants pants pants Gwaihir go!


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## Lillyaundra (Apr 8, 2002)

Gollum, where are my pantses?


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## Moriel (Apr 8, 2002)

*My sick friend....*

thought this up: "Fool of a Took!" he growled. "This is a serious journey, not a hobbit strip-party. Throw your self in next time and rid us of your nudity!"

I told you he was a sicko!


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## Mormegil (Apr 8, 2002)

Arwen in the film: "If you want them. Come and wear them!"


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## Shadowfax (Apr 9, 2002)

Uhhhhhh, Moriel, I already posted something very similar!


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## Moriel (Apr 9, 2002)

*o, srry...*

sorry, Shadowfax. That may be where my scary friend got his idea. Dunno **stalks off to slap Shorty**


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## Lillyaundra (Apr 9, 2002)

they are the Nazgul, once great king of pants.


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## EverEve (Apr 9, 2002)

Gandalf: "This is the one pair. He needs only them to clothe the world in second hand flares. He is seeking them, all his thought is bent on them. He musnt find them."


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## Shadowfax (Apr 10, 2002)

That's okay,
instead of Elfstone, Aragorn is the wearer of the Elfpants!


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## BelDain (Apr 11, 2002)

'My friends are caught in the pants,' cried Frodo breathlessly.
'Master Merry's being squeezed in a crack!' cried Sam.


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## Mina Pitcher (Apr 11, 2002)

LOL!!!! Wow, those r brilliant!!! Keep, going, there are loads so far that i havnt heard yet!! Sorry, cant remember anymore! Go 2:
www.ringbearer.org and find it!!


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## Moriel (Apr 13, 2002)

> _Originally posted by EverEve _
> *Gandalf: "This is the one pair. He needs only them to clothe the world in second hand flares. He is seeking them, all his thought is bent on them. He musnt find them." *



LoL! I love the other one someone posted about the Miss Sixties pants. Had a series of disugsting mental images of Sarumon in pink flare bottems. EEEEEEEWWW. Where my medicine?


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## Shadowfax (Apr 13, 2002)

Gaffer Gamgee to Gandalf:"I can't abide changes," said he, "not at my time of life, least of all changing my pants."

btw, you guys almost made me get detention! I had a math test, and there was a question that had to do with pants, and I thought of the , "Gondor has no pants, Gondor needs no pants" and couldn't stop snickering until the teacher yelled at me! (it doesn't take much to get me to go off in giggles!)


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## EverEve (Apr 13, 2002)

LOL! I am the same way, when I've had a lot of sugar, anything will set me off. BTW, thanks Moriel.


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## I.am.Smeagol (Apr 13, 2002)

Gollum: "Whats pants? ....... eh? eh? ...... Whats pants?"


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## Mrs. Baggins (Apr 18, 2002)

I would just like to say that this is the best LOTR humour I have seen since the diaries of the fellowship. It's so hilarious! I only wish I were witty enough to come up with something. Oh well, its just fun reading it all!


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## EverEve (Apr 18, 2002)

*smiles broadly then blushes* Thank you Mrs. Baggins! Sure your witty enough.....a lot of this just 'comes' to me


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## Mrs. Baggins (Apr 18, 2002)

Hobbit's Song:
"Hey ho to the world I go
that can find my pants and lose my shoe,
pants may get lost and shoes may go,
but the hidden paaaants are many miles to go!!"


That was rather pitiful, but oh well. It's the best I can come up with at the moment


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## Gary Gamgee (Apr 18, 2002)

> _Originally posted by EverEve _
> *Gandalf: "This is the one pair. He needs only them to clothe the world in second hand flares. He is seeking them, all his thought is bent on them. He musnt find them." *



 lol brilliant heeheehee


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## EverEve (Apr 18, 2002)

*blushes* Thanks GGG! Alright heres one...

Bridge Scene in Rivendell with Aragorn and Arwen (movie):

Arwen: Do you remember what I said to you when we first met?
Aragorn: You said you'd bind your belt to me....
Arwen: ANd to that I hold *somehow manages to get her pants off without making it look obvious and hands them to Aragorn*
Aragorn: You can not give me these, th-
Arwen: They are my pants to give to whom I will, as is my heart.

-Throughout the rest of the movie, there are times when you see Strider with his 'special' pants-


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## BelDain (Apr 19, 2002)

"...Sam came in. He ran to Frodo and took his pants awkwardly and shyly. He stroked it gently and then he blushed and turned hastily away."


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## Persephone (May 3, 2002)

Galadriel in the Movie (the very first part) - Not an original idea though, I got this from someone else, and it cracked me up!!! 




*Galadriel at the beginning: 
"The world is changed. 
I feel it in the earth. 
I feel it in the water. 
I smell it in my pants." *

Forming of the fellowship: 
Aragorn: "You have my sword." 
Legolas: "And my bow." 
Gimli: "And my pants." 

Galadriel: "Will you look down your pants?" 
Frodo: "What will I see?" 
Galadriel: "Even the wisest cannot tell." 
Frodo does 
Galadriel: "I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my pants."


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## EverEve (May 3, 2002)

OMG!!!! That was great! *falls off her chair shaking with laughter, and hits her head knocking herself out*


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## I.am.Smeagol (May 3, 2002)

*In the Moria*

Gandalf: This frock is above all of you! Run!


Heh, those other ones are great.


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## Goldberry344 (May 3, 2002)

lol, hehe, giggle.

In Bree

Sam "We'll have you, long pants!"

Strider "You have brave pants and stout legs, but those willnot save you now."


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## Anamatar IV (May 3, 2002)

I like half as much of your pants half as much as your pants deserve.


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## Shadowfax (May 3, 2002)

narya~"I smell it in my pants"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


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## Goldberry344 (May 3, 2002)

Celeborn- 8 there are here, yet 9 set out from rivendell, tell me, where is gandalf, for i much wish to see his new pants from the Gap of Rohan....


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## Chymaera (May 3, 2002)

Galadriel: Wear is your lead, Gandalf the Grey, I wish to wear his pants.

Aragorn: I fear My Lady that he has fallen - Fallen into the GAP 

Galadriel: These are evil tidings indeed.


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## Chymaera (May 3, 2002)

_Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow_
_Bright blue are his pants, and his boots are yellow_
_His zipper has never caught him yet, for Tom he is the master_
_His thong is a stronger thong, and his seat is faster_


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## Istar (May 3, 2002)

The only thing that still holds the light of the Pants of Vailnor are the Silmarils. (Sorry, couldn't find the right part of the book to quote!)


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## Persephone (May 6, 2002)

Here's another one.

another movie scene. During the Long-expected party, Merry and Pippin.

Merry: Sposed to stick it in your pants! 
Pippin: It is in my pants! 
Merry: It's Outside! 
Pippin: This was your idea! 

*KAPOW!!!*


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## I.am.Smeagol (May 6, 2002)

Oh my.


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## Shadowfax (May 6, 2002)

Ow. That smarts!


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## ReadWryt (May 6, 2002)

Gandalf:

"What it was I cannot guess, but I have never felt such a challenge. The counter-spell was terrible. It nearly broke me. For an instant my pants left my control and began to open! I had to speak a word of Command. That proved too great a strain. My pants burst into pieces...


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## Persephone (May 6, 2002)

LOL!!!

That was good.


Here's another, at Bree...again not an original idea...but funny....

Pippin: What's that??
Merry: This my friend is a belt.
Pippin: It comes with belts? I'm getting one.


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## Beorn (May 7, 2002)

*Re: Moria pizza place?*



> _Originally posted by Miriel Tavari _
> *I know this has absoluteley NOTHING to do with pants, but anyway:
> 
> In Moria when the fellowship is waiting for the cave-troll to brake down the door:
> ...



Oh, it's gotten cold already...could you heat it up again?
Balrog: Sure!
*flames*
Balrog: My favorite, roast hobbits


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## Eithne (May 7, 2002)

lmao


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## Wonko The Sane (May 9, 2002)

Movie only:
Between Arwen and Aragorn:

But Arwen you can't give me your pants. I won't allow it, my dear.

They are my pants, and mine to give to whom I wish.


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## EverEve (May 9, 2002)

lmao....sounds familiar


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## Wonko The Sane (May 9, 2002)

Someone already posted it?
I didn't read the whole thread.

Oh well.


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## EverEve (May 9, 2002)

*runs over and whispers in his ear that it was her*


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## Wonko The Sane (May 9, 2002)

Ooh sorry.
I'll bet you worded it better too.
Oh well...


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## EverEve (May 9, 2002)

no, not really. but oh well!


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## Wonko The Sane (May 9, 2002)

Yay! You said Oh Well...

I have another Pants thing...

It's not from the movie...it's what I would say to Legolas.

Dear Legolas,
Can I get in your pants?
The End.
Huggles,
Me


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## Mrs. Baggins (May 11, 2002)

I dont know if this ahs been posted before, so dont get amd if it has......

***Gandalf falls in Moria

Frodo: PANTS!!!!!! NO, DON'T GO!!! I NEED THOSE PAAAAAAANTS!!


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## Ancalagon (May 11, 2002)

_Gandalf to Pippin after looking in the Orthanc Stone_ 

'Lie there and rest, if you can, Pippin!' said Gandlaf. 'Trust me. If you feel an itch in your pants again, tell me of it! Such things can be cured.'


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## Tar-Ancalime (May 11, 2002)

heres one:

*this is in the movie when boromir is holding the ring on caradaras*
Aragorn:Boromir give frodo the pants
Boromir: but frodo looks so healthy without them.
Aragorn:Boromir those pants are righfully frodo's. Not that I don't agtree with you.
Frodo:brr...i'm cold can I have my pants back.


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## EverEve (May 12, 2002)

LOL! 

As Boromir lies, dying, talking to Aragorn near the end of hte movie:

Boromir: I am sorry, they ripped while I fought. I have failed you all.
Aragorn: No, you fought bravely. Gondor would be proud to have you wear its pants.


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## Tar-Ancalime (May 12, 2002)

LOL...can't thinka anymore


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## Shadowfax (May 12, 2002)

In the movie, when Frodo and Sam are preparing to go into Emyn Muil:
Frodo: I don't suppose we'll ever wear pants again.

Sam: We may yet Mr. Frodo, we may.


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## Tar-Ancalime (May 12, 2002)

LOL...still am braindead for ideas


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## Anamatar IV (May 12, 2002)

Aragorn @ the end of the movie (btw-not sure if its been said)

Not if we stay true to our pants. Travel light. Let us go hunt some pants.


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## EverEve (May 13, 2002)

Shadowfax, that was brilliant. You to amerxtremist (btw, do u how hard it is for me to spell ur name?)


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## Persephone (May 15, 2002)

from the movie during the council of Elrond in Rivendell:

*Boromir: and what would a ranger know of this matter?
Legolas: But this is no mere ranger, he is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, you owe him your pants*


another


*Boromir: Aragorn? This is Isildur's Heir?
Legolas: An heir to the pants of Gondor
Boromir: Gondor has no pants...Gondor needs no pants!*


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## EverEve (May 15, 2002)

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats a good 'un!


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## Goldberry344 (May 15, 2002)

Roling on the floor sniggling...

Gandalf in moria- These pants are too big for any of you. RUN!

Or when he's falling.... Pull them up, you fools!


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## Wonko The Sane (May 16, 2002)

On a serious note for a moment when Gandalf falls in Moria...That scene was amazing. And not just for special effects reasons...
My god...when he said, "Fly, fools! Fly!" I was hit with emotion..it was so powerful.
I could feel it...it was...wow.
I was in tears the moment he said that...
And then when all the tough men are crying and hugging eachother...
I leaned over to my two brothers and cried and hugged them...

They were scared.


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## EverEve (May 16, 2002)

Goldie: Snaugh!Gigaugh! Im in hysteriggles! Alright how bout this:

Lothlorien, the fellowship mourns the loss of Gandalf the Brey:

Legolas: I lament for the loss of his pants. But I cant say what she said to me, for the frief is still to near.

Boromir: She was in my head. SHe said I would wear the pants of Gondor....My father is a noble man, and I would help him, but I cannot see the glory of Gondor's Pants restored.

Hey u guys, Orli is in a GAP commercial! <---sorry random! *sniggle*


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## Wonko The Sane (May 16, 2002)

NO!! He's tainting his beautifulness by stooping so low!!!

He's a demon of male prettiness and I will not see that tainted!!!


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## Elfarmari (May 16, 2002)

This is still a work in progress, I'm not very good at this, but here goes:

All that are pants do not zip, 
All pants are not single but pairs;
The old jeans that are strong do not rip,
Deep threads are not ripped by long wear;
From tatters a leg shall be piece-ed,
A zipper from metal shall spring;
Resown shall be pants that were rip-ed, 
The Pantless again shall be king!


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## Istar (May 16, 2002)

Hahaha, very funny!
The 2nd line doesn't really make sense to me. How about "All pants are not single but pairs?"
The rest is great!


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## Elfarmari (May 16, 2002)

that will work. The 2nd line I wrote was just something random b/c I couldn't think of anything better.


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## Wonko The Sane (May 17, 2002)

You know what's funny?


Canned cheese.


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## Yavanna (May 22, 2002)

*hrrrmph!*

I am shocked! This thread is ripped off! I originally saw this at Imladris by some other guy. Well well well! There's a thief in the house.

_______________________________________________
If theres a bustle in your hedgegrow, don't be alarmed now its just a spring clean for the may queen


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## Wonko The Sane (May 22, 2002)

Oh who cares.
Ours is better.
We have canned cheese!


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## Jennie (May 23, 2002)

Actually, several forums have "Lord of the Pants" threads. 

"The pants of Saruman are not lightly cast aside!"

"Understand Frodo, I would wear these pants from the desire to do good. But through me, they would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine."

"My dear Frodo. Hobbits are amazing creatures. You can learn all that there is to know about their pants in a month, and yet after a hundred years, they can still surprise you."


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## I.am.Smeagol (May 23, 2002)

Go Jennie! Great first post.


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## Diabless (May 23, 2002)

*going into insanity phase*
Hope no one's done this: From movie:

It began with the forging of the great pants. Three were given to the elves. Linen andd cotton for dancing in the forests. Seven to the dwarf lords. Jeans for the wear and tear of mountain halls. And nine. Nine were given to nine men who above all else desire pockets. But they were all of them decieved for another pair was made. In the Land of Mordor the Dark Designer Sauron sewed a custom made pair. One pair to best them all. One by one the free people fell to the urge of bidding on E-bay for the one. But there were some who resisted. An Alliance of Men and Elves marched against the power of Mordor and faught for the rights to make another pair...Sauron had been defeated. The pants past to Isildur who had this one chance to make multiples of the custom made pants but Men are easily corrupted. Isildur kept the pants...They betrayed Isildur to his death...History became legend, legend became myth, and for two and a half thousand years the pants went out of any fashion until one day when chance came, they ensnared a new wearer. They came to the creature Gollum who took it deep into the depths of the Misty Mountains and for 500 years, he was clothed, bringing to him unnatural good hips and in the gloom of Gollum's cave, they waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world, rumour grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear and the custom made pants percieved. They were back in fashion again. They abandoned Gollum. But something happened then, the pants did not intend. They were found by the most unfashionable (in the pants' opinion) creature. A hobbit. Bilbo Baggins of the Shire...
For the time would soon come when hobbit would be the best trend setters of all! (hobbit music comes in)

MY MASTERPIECE IN ANY WORK OF COMEDY (I hope) Tell comments please


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## I.am.Smeagol (May 23, 2002)

That was great Diabless! I litterally fell outa muh chair laughing!


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## chrysophalax (May 23, 2002)

Pret-ty dang cool!


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## Diabless (May 23, 2002)

Yay! Praise feels so good


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## Wonko The Sane (May 24, 2002)

Pants.


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## Legolas_lover12 (May 31, 2002)

OMG!!!     i can't stop laughing! OMG!omg!OMG!lol!LOL!lol!LOL! i can't think of any right now. but mayber i'll come up with some later.
oh, this isn't about lotr, but it does have pants. i hope u don't mind me using ur name wonko. - wonko the sane. pants of gr8 dicardation.
not very good, but hey, i'm tired!


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 7, 2002)

For those who didn't get that my signature used to read:

Sock of Gr8 Discardation.

 I don't mind you using my SN for it. But I have to say that pants just doesn't make sense in that context. I'm not pants. I'm a sock. 

But actually, I suppose I could twist that around and say that I am like pants a bit...and that's pants in and of itself.


*knows that only herself will understand*


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## Dragon (Jun 12, 2002)

It seems we have no choice, we must brave the mines of Moria and the pants of the balrog.


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## Shadowfax (Jun 12, 2002)

Heehee... Welcome to the forum, Dragon. Great first post. Oh, I really love your signature.

Gandalf in the CoE, speaking of his trip to Rohan: [King Theoden] bade me take some pants and be gone, and I chose some much to my liking, but not to his. I took the best pair in the land, I have never seen the like of them.

Aragorn: Then they must be a noble pair indeed.

Boromir: The Riders of the Mark love their pants next to their kin.

Gandalf: And there is a pair among them that might have been sewed in the morning of the world. The breeches of the nine cannot vie with them: comfortable, and a poly/cotton blend. Shadowfax they called them. By day they glisten like silver, by night they are but a shadow. never before had any man worn them, but I took them and donned them, though they were a tight squeeze.


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## Dragon (Jun 13, 2002)

Gollum to pants: Where are my precious, precious pants? someone has taken my precious, whose seems were sewn perfectly and who fit me perfectly.... okay, they were just a little tight, but it's not like anyone cared, did they? They did?


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## I.am.Smeagol (Jun 13, 2002)

Hahaha! My poor pants.. *Sniff*


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## Dragon (Jun 13, 2002)

This is fun, but I can't think of any more!


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## Dragon (Jun 13, 2002)

Ooh, I thought of one!

Bill The Pony: It's so unfair that pants are designed for humans, elves, hobbits, and all other two legged things, but not ponies! What if a pony wants a pair of pants, can he buy some, nooooo! When they sewed the pants of power for the elves, dwarves, and humans, did they think of the ponies, nooooo! OUR BUTTS GET COLD TOO YA KNOW!!!!!


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 14, 2002)

On the Thorin's tomb in Moria:

Here lie the pants of Thorin Oakenshield.

(Ok. That sucks...I'm lame. I know)


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## Shadowfax (Jun 15, 2002)

Thorin's tomb was in the Lonely Mtn. It was Balin son of Fundin in Moria. Speaking of Moria, I was recently talking to a fan from Boston, and he pronouned in "More-ee-er" I nearly wet myself I was laughing so hard. (No offense to anyone from Massachusettes)


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## tookish-girl (Jun 17, 2002)

Okay, I've just read through all of this thread and I don't believe anyone's got this one yet. It's from the movie Caradhas scene (not sure if I've remembered it right exactly!):

Boromir: It's such a fuss about such a little thing, a tiny thing
Aragorn: Boromir! Give the pants back to Frodo!



*Sorry Elijah!*


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## tookish-girl (Jun 17, 2002)

Also, this one's from a teaser poster on my wall:

*Power can be held in the smallest of pants.* 

Oh, and this one: (I'm on a roll!)

*Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future* 

I love this thread!


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## Shadowfax (Jun 17, 2002)

Mmmmmm... EW's pants.... hehhehheh...


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 24, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Shadowfax _
> *Thorin's tomb was in the Lonely Mtn. It was Balin son of Fundin in Moria. Speaking of Moria, I was recently talking to a fan from Boston, and he pronouned in "More-ee-er" I nearly wet myself I was laughing so hard. (No offense to anyone from Massachusettes) *



My almost-best-friend is in Massachusettes!! As is the boy I love...*sigh* LIFE SUCKS! (Especially since he loveth not me)

3000 miles isn't THAT far is it? *whimpers*


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## Mindy_O_Lluin (Jun 25, 2002)

*Pantolluins*

They’ve taken everything, Sam. Everything I had. Do you understand? _Everything!_ 
No, not everything, Mr. Frodo. I took your pants and kept them safe, beggin your pardon, Mr Frodo. I couldn’t bear 
To part with them. 
You’ve got them? You’ve got them here? Sam you’re a marvel! (Then quickly his tone changed.)
Give them to me, he cried. Give them to me at once! You can’t have them!


(This thread is SOOOO funny. Laughing is good. )


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

LOL! "I couldn't bear to part with them" classic!


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jun 25, 2002)

LOL!!!  "You can't have them!" hehehehe...................................


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 25, 2002)

I want them!! I want Frodo's pants...
*swoons*


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

NO! They're mine! oh, wait, I already have Merry's...


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 25, 2002)

YAY! I get Frodo's...but I wanted Merry's too...


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

*runs off, waving Merry's breeches*

Merry: Hey, the scary lady just stole my pants! Come back here!


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 25, 2002)

That's hilarious!!!

But Merry's mine, I already called him a while back.


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

No he's not. Heh, heh. He's being held hostage in my math binder along with Pippin and that awsome scarf!

Pippin: (faintly) help meeeeee!


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 25, 2002)

Um...they're BOTH mine...

I've already violated their hobbit-hood.


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

Merry: C'mon ladies! There's more than enough hobbit here to go around!


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 25, 2002)

Ok. I'll share...but I get him on days of the week ending in y.
You can have him all other days.


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

Hardy har har.


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## Wonko The Sane (Jun 25, 2002)

I try.


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## Shadowfax (Jun 25, 2002)

C'mon, isn't anybody going to wonder what kind of sick puppy I am that I have so many pics of LotR characters in their skivvies?


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jun 26, 2002)

Shadowfax - i DON'T even want to think about it.
and, I GET LEGOLAS' PANTS........................THEY'RE MINE, MINE, MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Shadowfax (Jun 27, 2002)

Heehee, I've got Legsie's too... but you can have 'em if you want. Here's a pic of him racing out of the pool after I absconded them.
Legolas: COME BACK HERE! NO! DO NOT GIVE THEM TO HER! ARGGGH!


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## I.am.Smeagol (Jun 27, 2002)

Woooohoooooo! Go Legsie! Hrm, you can have his pants. But I get the elf himself. ;P


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## Shadowfax (Jun 27, 2002)

Heehee, got some great one's of him in the bath and shower... but don't really want to get kicked off the forum, so maybe I won't post them...


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## I.am.Smeagol (Jun 27, 2002)

Dont they blur his....errrrr..elf-hood.. out?


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jun 28, 2002)

hehehehe - nice pic


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## Shadowfax (Jun 28, 2002)

thought you might like it


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## Dragon (Jun 29, 2002)

why is everyone warring over pants instead of the characters themselves?


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## Shadowfax (Jun 29, 2002)

We've already had our way with the characters, the pants are just souvenirs! (heh,heh,heh)


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jun 29, 2002)

oh, and i get legolas' boxers!!!!!!!!!!! well, if they had boxers.........................let's just say they did


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## Shadowfax (Jun 29, 2002)

Hmmmm... they'd be green silk...with mallorn leaves...and "elf boxer" around the top, worn so that about 2 inches os prominently diplayed


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jun 30, 2002)

hehehe


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## Smokey (Jul 1, 2002)

Someone must have already posted this but I like it.

Frodo: I will take the pants though I do not know the way.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 1, 2002)

no, i don't think anyone has posted that.


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## Mindy_O_Lluin (Jul 2, 2002)

'Well, well, bless my beard' said Gandalf. 'Sam Gamgee is it? Now what 
might you be doing?' 
'Nothing! Leastways, I was just trimming the PANTSies under the window, if you follow me.' He picked up his shears and exhibited them as evidence.


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 12, 2002)

All that zippers is not golden
not all those who flash us are lost
the new type of denim will not wrinkle
and deep folds do not reach to the crotch

From the sashes a cloth shall be woven
from our Dockers a light shall spring
renewed will be the fly that was broken
and the pantless will again be king


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 12, 2002)

hehehehehahahahaha


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## Chymaera (Jul 14, 2002)

> _Originally posted by DGoeij _
> *Gandalf: Your fly, you fool! *


Still the best one.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 14, 2002)

yes still the best one.

and i also liked



> this is aragorn, son of arathorn, you owe him your pants!


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 14, 2002)

*Gandalf....*

Elrond to Gandalf...the pants cannot stay in Rivendell!


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## Wonko The Sane (Jul 15, 2002)

Aragorn: I go where others dare not tread...I must seek out the pants of the dead..

Others: THE PANTS OF THE DEAD?!? NOOO!!!


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## Lorien (Jul 16, 2002)

The One Pant? Sheesh ME really was in turmoil wasn't it? No wonder there was so much war going on.....all those elves, hobbits, dwarves and men running around without pants *shudder*.

Boromir to Frodo: I must have that One Pant! My privvies are freezin' for pete's sake and Arwen doesn't like cold....um.....I mean my girlfriend, who isn't Arwen, doesn't like...er...Look you damned hobbit just take off those pants and go find a ring or something.


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## Shadowfax (Jul 16, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *
> Others: THE PANTS OF THE DEAD?!? NOOO!!! *



HAHAHA! That was great!


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## Rúmil (Jul 16, 2002)

Lorien do you think Frodo's pants would fit Boromir?


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 16, 2002)

they might be a little tight


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## Samwise_hero (Jul 16, 2002)

ROFL! I'm sitting in my school class laughing my butt off and everyone is staring at me in a weird way.
This topic is sooooo funny, where do you come up with these things?


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## Lorien (Jul 17, 2002)

Well, the One Pant fits all, thats why its so important and cherised after.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Jul 17, 2002)

> *where do you guys come up with these things?*



we have way too much free time


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## Shadowfax (Jul 17, 2002)

Amen to that, sister LL12!


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## ReadWryt (Jul 25, 2002)

Frodo and Sam were led apart and brought to a tent, and there their old raiment was taken off, but folded and set aside with honour; and clean linen was given to them. Then Gandalf came and in his arms, to the wonder of Frodo, he bore the pants and the elven-cloak and the mithril-coat that had been taken from him in Mordor. For Sam he brought a coat of gilded mail, and his elven-cloak all healed of the soils and hurts that it had suffered; and then he laid before them two pairs of pants.

'I do not wish for any pants,' said Frodo.

'Tonight at least you should wear them,' said Gandalf.


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## Shadowfax (Jul 25, 2002)

heeheehee


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 25, 2002)

*Galadriel to the fellowship....*

Here...take these pants to hide you when your in plain view...


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## I.am.Smeagol (Jul 27, 2002)

Sam, about to leave Rivendell.

"Pants!" He muttered. "I wore pants! And only last night you had said to yourself: 'Sam, dont forget to remove your pants! You'll want to get some if you dont.' And here I am, with my pants on. I want it, but I didnt get any!"

*Blinks*

I never thought I'd type anything of the above sort... Oh my.


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## Muffinly (Aug 1, 2002)

'Three pairs for the Elven-kings under their robes,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to zip their fly,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One pair to rule them all, One Pair to hide them
One pair to cover them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the shadows lie.'

He paused, and then said slowly in a deep voice: 'These are the Master-pants, the ones to cover them all. This is the pair that he lost many ages ago, to the great weakening of his power. He greatly desires it-but he must not wear it.'


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## Shadowfax (Aug 8, 2002)

From the movie:

Sam: You've been in to Farmer Maggot's pants!

Merry: I don't know why he's so worked up. It's only a pair of pants!

Pippin: ...and some briefs! And the boxers we lifted last week, oh, and the thongs the week before!
***
Boromir: For pity's sake, give them some pants!

***
Frodo: Bilbo found it...in Gollum's pants.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 8, 2002)

instead of 
"in the land of mordor where the shadows lie" or
"in the land of mordor where the buttons fly"
how about
"in the land of mordor where u zip ur fly"

hehehe


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## King of Gondor. (Aug 8, 2002)

*Pants in LOTR quotes. You'll LOVE this.*

Ok, I saw this on another forum and I thought it was really funny so I thought I'd start it here. Heres how it works, you take quotes from FOTR
and omit one or more of the words and put in its place the word pants. I'll start,


Witch King: Give up the pants.

Arwen: If you want them come and claim them.


See how many you can think of!


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## Aeglos_Ohtar (Aug 9, 2002)

Arwen to aragorn- Whats this a ranger cought ouf his pants.


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## Grond (Aug 9, 2002)

"No one knows it's pants, do they? Do they, Gandalf?"


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## King of Gondor. (Aug 9, 2002)

LOL!! Good ones guys!!


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## Grond (Aug 9, 2002)

Aragorn to Legolas and Gimli, "Let's hunt some pants!!!" I wonder what they've been doing???


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## King of Gondor. (Aug 9, 2002)

What about,

Gimli to Legolas: I would never trust the one Ring in the pants of an Elf!


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## Mormegil (Aug 9, 2002)

This thread has alraedy been done, here

My favourite ones were "Your fly, you fool!"
and "Gondor has no pants, Gondor needs no pants"


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## theringbearer (Aug 9, 2002)

Bilbo to Gandalf:

In his heart Gandalf, Frodo's still in love with the shire. The woods... the fields.... the Pants

Bilbo to kids at birthday party: 

And then, the sun crept over the trees, and turned them all, TO PANTS!

Gandalf to Bilbo: 

Gandalf: And what about this ring of yours, is that staying? 

Bibo: YES, yes, it's in an envelope over there on the mantelpiece. No, wait, it's right here in my pants


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## In Flames (Aug 9, 2002)

'I dare say!' said Pippin. 'That is, if the pants goes on so far, and does not simply lead us into a bog and leave us there. Who made the pants, do you suppose, and why?
________

What about the others?' Frodo asked. 'I wonder what sort of pants they are having.


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## theringbearer (Aug 9, 2002)

Elrond to Isuldor:

Elrond: Cast the Pants into the the fire,
Isuldor: No.
Elrond: ISULDOR!


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## In Flames (Aug 9, 2002)

LMAO!!!!!


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## In Flames (Aug 9, 2002)

At this the stranger, Boromir, broke in. `So that is what became of the pants!' he cried.


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## theringbearer (Aug 9, 2002)

A Dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the Pants.


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## In Flames (Aug 9, 2002)

Boromir - `I do not feel too sure of this Elvish Lady and her pants.'
_____

Aragorn - "But tonight I shall sleep without pants for the first time since I left Rivendell."

_____

"Why should we not think that the Great pants has come into our hands to serve us in the very hour of need?"


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## ReadWryt (Aug 9, 2002)

As everyone can see you don't need to create a seperate post for every individual thing you wish to say so I should hope that I won't have to come in here and clean up this type of thing again...


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## Muffinly (Aug 9, 2002)

But I was going to say something about the Crack of Doom.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 9, 2002)

i think he means puxh post relpy not new thread. u can still say whatever u want about the cracks of doom just reply though don't make a new post.


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## ReadWryt (Aug 9, 2002)

Naw, I was talking about people making a separate post for each joke...it's nearly Spam if you make three consecutive posts in 4 minutes to tell three jokes one after the other.


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## Muffinly (Aug 9, 2002)

...and there on the brink of the pants, at the very Crack of Doom, stood Frodo...


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## theringbearer (Aug 10, 2002)

Orc to Saruman

Orc: The Pants are strong my lord.
Saruman: Pull them all down!


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 10, 2002)

hehehe.


movie: when saruman shows gandalf the palantir:

gandalf: a pair of pants is a dangerous tool, saruman.

saruman: why? why should we fear ro wear them?

gandalf: they are not all accounted for, the lost pairs of pants. we do not know whoi else may be watching.


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## Aerie (Aug 10, 2002)

Frodo: "Gandalf, what's the elvish word for pants?"
Gandalf: "Smellon"


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 11, 2002)

this thread ruined the council of elrond scene for me...when one of you people said "Gondor has no pants, gondor needs no pants" I always have that line stuck in my head during the council scene and laugh


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## kalwa_Avar (Aug 11, 2002)

So thats not as bad as what happend to me!! On of my friends read the "Gondor has no pants Gondor needs no pants" and 2 days ago he got kinda drunk, and well you get the picture...
*Shudder*


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 11, 2002)

LOL. bad mental image.

i always say that. me and my friend think it is hilairious. we are always like "gondor has no pants gondor needs no pants" then we're like "cuz they wear skirts like boromir" LOL


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 11, 2002)

really bad mental image


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## Gary Gamgee (Aug 23, 2002)

Elrond

'Gandalf these pants are wearing a bit too thin'


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## FINGOLFIN (Aug 24, 2002)

*And to the race of men...*

were gifted 9 pairs of pants....because above all else they desire trousers.


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## Muffinly (Aug 24, 2002)

No Frodo! Stop fondeling the ring!



This post just doesn't fit anywhere else.


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## EverEve (Aug 24, 2002)

oh...ok. you know, i had a really good one, but as soon as i finished reading and was about to post..i forgot it. i'll get back to you when i think of it


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## Precious (Aug 26, 2002)

Mr. Frodo?
Yes, Sam.
If I take one more step.....I'll be as far away from home as I've ever been..
Come on, Sam.
....Mr. Frodo
Yes, Sam.
If I take two more steps......
Don't make me kill you, Sam


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## Wonko The Sane (Sep 26, 2002)

*Almost positive this one was done..but it's soo good!*

Legolas: Do you know to whom you speak? That is Aragorn son of Arathorn, and Isildur's heir!
Boromir: Aragorn?
Legolas: And heir to the throne of Gondor. You owe him your pants.
Boromir: Gondor has no pants! Gondor needs no pants!


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## Anamatar IV (Sep 26, 2002)

Aragorn: It is Anduril-Pants of the West.


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## Wonko The Sane (Sep 26, 2002)

When Frodo is stabbed:

He's been stabbed by a morgul blade...It is beyond my powers to heal. He needs Elvish pants.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Sep 26, 2002)

hey WTS!!! haven't seen you around for awhile ....


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## Wonko The Sane (Sep 26, 2002)

I know! Aren't you glad I'm back. 

More quotes:

Arwen when Frodo's lying on the ground dying: (translated from Elvish) Frodo don't give in now! Come back to the pants!

Arwen when finding Aragorn in the woods: What have we here? A ranger caught off his pants?


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## EverEve (Sep 26, 2002)

lmao those are great!!!

Welcome back, WtS!!


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## Wonko The Sane (Sep 26, 2002)

Bows*

Thank ye, kindly.

"They were once great pants of men..."


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## EverEve (Sep 26, 2002)

Frodo: I will take it! I will take the Pants to Mordor, though...I do not know the way.

S: Well, its just something Gandalf said..
F: What did Gandalf say?
S: Dont let him lose his pants, Samwise Gamgee...I dont mean to!

Strider: They are the Nazgul..The PantWraiths

Wowzers, I have to much time on my hands...


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## Anamatar IV (Sep 26, 2002)

Aragorn: The king gives and takes pants at his own will.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Sep 26, 2002)

LOL. those are funny!!!!

on weathertop when the hobbits are cooking:

frodo:what are u doing?!?!?!
others: just making some nice crispy pants (or something to that extent)
frodo: you fools!!! take them off!!! take them off!!!

ok pretty lame but still .....


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## Wonko The Sane (Sep 27, 2002)

And then later when Frodo stamps on the fire Pippin says:

Oh that's nice! Ash on my new Dockers!


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## tookish-girl (Sep 30, 2002)

I just want to say........

This is still one of the funniest threads on this entire forum I love it!

And also: (from the Council of Elrond scene in the film)

Legolas: This is Isildur's heir, you owe him your pants.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 3, 2002)

Actually I think I already did that one Tookish...but I'll let it slide this time since it's hilarious anyway.


I'm sure this one's been done but it's a funny one too:

Boromir to Aragorn as he's dying: I...tried to take the pants from Frodo.

ALSO

Aragorn to Legolas and Gimli after the breaking of the Fellowship: Let's go pants some Orc!


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## EverEve (Oct 3, 2002)

Wowie, that was gerrrreat! *pauses to think*

aight, how 'bout when Gollum is all alone in the Misty Mountains (this is from the movies, yall, btw), and doing his lil' Gollum-speak stuff:

G: They're mine, my ownn, my pantssssss. Yess, yess, they came to me, my pantss.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 3, 2002)

Gimli, in Moria: And they call it a pants

Boromir: These are no pants...this is a skirt!

Gimli: *slackjawed* NOOOOO!!!


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## Anamatar IV (Oct 3, 2002)

I JUST HAD ONE BUT I CANT REMEMBER IT!!!!!! GOT IT!

Bilbo: Now it comes to it. I dont feel much like taking them off. Why shouldnt the pants stay with me. I found them. My...levis.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 3, 2002)

*I know...I know...it was done already...*

Galadriel: So you offer them to me freely. I must admit I have long desired to posess them...blah blah blah...lost interest in this one...

Galardiel: Look into my pants, Frodo. What you will see not even the wisest can tell.


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## tookish-girl (Oct 5, 2002)

WHat about this. Am sure I haven't read these two yet:

Gandalf: Is it secret?!?!? Is it pants??!?!


or slightly earlier (and funnier!) when Frodo arrives after the party: 


Gandalf: Bilbo's ring! He's left it to you, along with Bag End, and all his pants.


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## Anamatar IV (Oct 5, 2002)

Aragorn: They are the nazgul. Ringwraiths. They will never stop pantsing you.


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## EverEve (Oct 5, 2002)

LOL! These are great you guyz 

When the Fellowship is in Moria, waiting for Gandalf to figure out the way:

Merry/Pippin (cant remember which): He's remembered!
Gandalf: No, its just the pants dont smell so foul down hear. When in doubt, alwayz follow your nose!


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## Eol (Oct 6, 2002)

aragorn(at weathertop): here these pants are for u, keep them close
merryooh just my size, and designer brand too

boromir as hes dying:i would given u everything....my shirt.....my belt...my...pants


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 7, 2002)

Boromir, while holding the ring: Why should we not pants it?!

Galadriel's narration at the beginning: The pants are changing. I can hear it in the cords, I can see it in the pleather, I can feel it in the dockers.


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## Eol (Oct 7, 2002)

Frodo to Gandald: Your pants are too tight!
Gandalf:A wizard's pants are never too tight, Frodo Baggins, nor are they too big! They are precisely the size he intends them to be!!!


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## Anamatar IV (Oct 7, 2002)

Frodo: By Elbereth and Luthien the pants! You will have neither the ring nor me!


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 7, 2002)

Did I already say this? Can't remember...

Frodo on the rode to Bree: Fellows, I think we should take off our pants...*with shock* TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS YOU FOOLS!


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## Eol (Oct 7, 2002)

Galadriel to Frodo: Even the smallest error can change the course of the seam line.
Aragorn to Boromir: Take some pants. These pockets are well stitched.
Boromir: I will find no safety in these pockets.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 7, 2002)

Legolas: There're fell pants on the air!

Or alternately:

Legolas: There's a fell voice in the pants!


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## Eol (Oct 8, 2002)

Gandalf to Frodo in Moria: Do not be too quick to take people's pants. There are many who are naked who deserve pants. Can you give them to them?


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 9, 2002)

New twist on old favorite!

Legolas: You have my tights! 

Gimli: And my pants! 

Boromir in high nancy-pants voice: And my skirt!!


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## Shadowfax (Oct 9, 2002)

HAHAHA!!!! That one was great!!!!! Go Wonko tS!


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 9, 2002)

*bows* Thanks, but I can't take all the credit.

My brothers and I watch LotR with the express purpose of thinking up more Lord of the Pants quotes.


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## EverEve (Oct 10, 2002)

Muahha! That was evilly wonderful, Wonko!!! Tell your bro's theyre pretty goooddd....and tell yourself that too, of course...


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 10, 2002)

I shall tell them.  Hehe...we're so evil.

I wish they'd let my bro back on the forum. It was fun when he was here.


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## EverEve (Oct 10, 2002)

Who was your bro..and why isnt he on TTF?


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 10, 2002)

My brother was wonko...and he was banned for being a pain in the PANTS!!

Hah! How's that?

I don't really want to get into HOW he was a pain in th "pants" but you can PM me if you're really that interested...it was some months ago...


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## EverEve (Oct 10, 2002)

If you've never noticed, Wonko, one with the shape defiecency-or-whatever-that-word-is, Im a lil slow with catching up on 'current' events. So muchos gracias for enlightening me.

That was a good joke by the way...


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## HobbitGirl (Oct 11, 2002)

I don't know if this one's already been used, but here goes...

Isildur and Elrond in Mount Doom:
Elrond: Cast it into your pants! Destroy it!
Isildur: No!


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## HobbitGirl (Oct 11, 2002)

I have another one!

Gandalf: There is only one Lord of the Ring. Only one who can bend it to his will. And he does not share pants!


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 11, 2002)

LOLOLOLOL. that is funny!!!!


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## HobbitGirl (Oct 11, 2002)

Thanx...but I don't deserve all the credit. My dad and best friend helped with those.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 12, 2002)

LOL. then tell ur dad and ur friend that those r funny!! LOL


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 15, 2002)

Elrond at the Council of Elrond: No, indeed it is hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to wear the secret pants and you are not.

Merry and Pippin: We're coming too!! 

Pippin: Anyway, you need people of intelligence to wear this sort of skirt...pantyhose...er...pants...thing.

Merry: Well that rules you out, Pip.

Elrond: Nine trousers to cover the nine pants...

Pip: Great! Erm...who are we pantsing?


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## Shadowfax (Oct 15, 2002)

Heeheehee!...It's wonderful! I got an image of little hobbits running around ME sneaking up on the agents of Sauron and pantsing them.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 15, 2002)

AAH! I didn't even think of that! I laughed out loud...scary computer lab daemons made me hush though...Hehe.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 15, 2002)

yah all the boys pants each other in gym. william has boxers w/ stars on them and andy wears breifs. LOL


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 15, 2002)

Hehe...
They never did that at my school...
Although I DO remember that Matt had some boxers that said "ho ho ho" on the band around them...that was amusing.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 17, 2002)

Boromir to Aragorn: One day, our pants will lead us there, and the tower guard will take up the call, 'the pants of Gondor have returned!'


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## EverEve (Oct 17, 2002)

*falls out of her chair, smacks her head on the table, and lays on the floor, holding her head, and gasping for air* Wowzas, that was gerrreaT!

As the four hobbits are running through the Farmer's crops:

Merry: I dont understand what he's so upset about, twas only a couple of socks.
Pip: And some skirts. Oh and those pants we lifted last week...
Merry: Alright Pippin, my point is he's clearly overreacting...


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 17, 2002)

*laughs* That's hilarious!!

Or this!

Right when Merry and Pippin run into Sam and Frodo in the middle of the corn fields!

Pippin: Look Merry! It's Frodo's panties!


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## Shadowfax (Oct 17, 2002)

I do believe I said something like that before....





> _Originally posted by Shadowfax _
> *From the movie:
> 
> Sam: You've been in to Farmer Maggot's pants!
> ...


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 17, 2002)

Hah! The "thongs" we lifted last week!  HILARIOUS!!!

Here's a visual one...imagine the evil orcs shooting starched underpants at Boromir instead of arrows...hehe.


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## EverEve (Oct 17, 2002)

Shadowfax: Sorry, I didnt mean too do yours again. Yours was better anyway.  My apologies 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Frodo is stabbed by the RingWraith's blade at Amon Zul (aka: Weathertop):

Aragorn: He has been touched by the evil pants. Tis beyond my skill to heal...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright so that was REALLY bad...*pauses to think*

When Frodo is talking to Sam at the beginning of the movie, at the Long Expected Party:

Frodo: Go on Sam, ask Rosie where she got her skirt!
Sam: I think I'll just go buy some more pants...


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 17, 2002)

Hehe!

At The Prancing Pony:

Pippin's sitting down drinking his ale from a stocking...when Merry comes over with a large pair of pants brimming with frothy beer.

Pippin: What's that?!

Merry: These my friends, are pants!

Pippin: They come in pants!? I'm gettin' some!


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## Shadowfax (Oct 17, 2002)

No, no, that's fine- I know how hard it is to go through so many posts, and then forget what's been done. Some things are obvious.

Wonko tS: I have actually participated in a lingerie war. It was...amusing.


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 17, 2002)

Really?! What was it? How did it work?!


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## Shadowfax (Oct 17, 2002)

Erhem...I *do* hope the discussion of lingerie won't get me kicked off the forum, but here goes. It was at camp and one cabin tried to start a pillow fight in the girls cabins. My cabinmates and I all happen to wear thongs, so we set up our own artillery. Some others responded with bras. Underwires hurt when they broadside you up the face at 10mph.


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## Ancalagon (Oct 17, 2002)

Oooohh, that sounds like it must have hurt, though how it fits into the 'Lord of the Pants' I am still trying to work out! Now if one group had been Orcs and ...............


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## Shadowfax (Oct 17, 2002)

It was a bit embarassing as well- it happened at night so we couldn't find all of the undies in dark, and had to wait until morning, and unbeknownst to me one of my cabin mates had shot off a novelty pair of mine that were red sequined with bits of feathers and stuff on them. I only got them because they were 50 cents at the shop! I swear! Well, having to go up and retrieve them from the lost and found... I still blush thinking about it today!


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## Ascamaciliel (Oct 24, 2002)

gollum: don't want pants
-
legolas: and you have my pants
-
gimli: no one tosses pants
gimli: not the pants!


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 25, 2002)

Hehe...GREAT STORY SHADOWFAX!!! I'm driving down to the Wilamette JUST to have a lingerie fight, ok? It won't take long to get there!


Nevele: I know you're new but that one you have that Legolas said was one I did a while back! And it's STILL hilarious!! *laughs* It makes me giggle...especially if you think of "pants" the British way and not the American way!


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## Ascamaciliel (Oct 25, 2002)

yeah, i figured somone had already said one of them. sometimes, when there's too many pages to a topic, i skip over some, lol


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## Wonko The Sane (Oct 28, 2002)

Me too...I hardly EVER read the backpages for the threads I post to.

But shhh...don't tell anyone..

Frodo: I used to think I wanted a pair of pants like yours, Bilbo...


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## Princess Vi (Oct 28, 2002)

alright I ain't reading the whole thread cuz there are EIGHTEEN PAGES!!! so if I post something that's had something smilar to it done, please inform me, and if itwas yours that was similar, my apologies.........here I go!(woohoo!)

Gandalf: there is only one Lord of the Ring, and he does not share pants!

Galadriel: Will yuo look into my pants?
Frodo: what will I see?
Galadriel:  what do YOU think?

lol I love the last one! even if it is nasty..........


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## HobbitGirl (Nov 1, 2002)

I posted one exactly like the Gandalf one, but like Wonks said, it's still funny the second time! LOL


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 14, 2002)

I think we should all get the extended DVD and then we should post from that! Think of all the new LotP material we'd have from the new ones...

If I had the DVD instead of just kind of seeing it at Tower Records while talking on the phone and buying movies and things I'd post the lines Bilbo says at the beginning and instead of "Concerning Hobbits"
I'd call it "Concerning Pants" and go on about pants in lieu of hobbits.


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## Wolfshead (Nov 22, 2002)

I don't have the time to read 18 pages of back-catalogue, so here's one I thought up in Maths an hour or so ago. It's bound to have come up before, but never mind.

About Aragorn: Not all those who wander wear pants

More coming just as soon as I think of them...


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 22, 2002)

CraigSmith must be British.
Only the British call "math" "maths"


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## Celebthôl (Nov 22, 2002)

yes yes we do, nicey spotted Fox teehee, coz we suck over here!

Thôl


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 22, 2002)

I really am moving to England, Thôl! So if you want you can come and live in my house!
My bed doesn't have a mattress on it at the moment as it is on the floor of my sister's room and covered in giggling 15 year old girls, but you can sleep on my boxspring in my sleeping bag.
I won't be needing it in England.


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## Wolfshead (Nov 22, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *CraigSmith must be British.
> Only the British call "math" "maths" *


Yes, I would happen to be British. You see, in the location bit, it says Scotland  

Why say Math? It sounds stupid, Maths sounds much better... Stupid Americans   

Ok, so to stay on-topic, here's another one

Elrond: You cannot wear pants, none of us can


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## Ancalagon (Nov 22, 2002)

> _Originally posted by CraigSmith _
> *Yes, I would happen to be British. You see, in the location bit, it says Scotland
> *



So you mean you are Scottish?


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 22, 2002)

> _Originally posted by CraigSmith _
> *Yes, I would happen to be British. You see, in the location bit, it says Scotland
> 
> Why say Math? It sounds stupid, Maths sounds much better... Stupid Americans
> ...



Noo! Maths sounds SOOOO bad!! Why do you need to pluralize it?! Makes NOOO sense!!!

Lord of the Pants:

I just found a quote supporting my belief that pantsing Yrch is a Tolkien phenomenon!!!

Gorbag to Shagrat: "You may well put your pants on, if you have them! It's no laughing matter!" 
From "The Choices of Master Samwise" 

AND

Shagrat to Snaga: "That's enough from you,' snarled Shagrat. 'I had my orders. It was Gorbag started it, trying to pull off those pretty pants!"

From "The Tower of Cirith Ungol"


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## Wolfshead (Nov 22, 2002)

> So you mean you are Scottish?


Well, yes... and no. You see, I'm 3/4 Scottish and 1/4 English. But Scotland is part of Britain, hence my being British also. Of course, you already knew that, I would hope.


> Noo! Maths sounds SOOOO bad!! Why do you need to pluralize it?! Makes NOOO sense!!!


Why did _we_ need to pluralise it? Why did _you_ need to singularise it? I mean, it must have been Maths before Math. And when you think on it logically (as I hope I'm doing), Maths makes more sense.

There are many things within Mathematics; Calculus, Trig et al. The term maths probably is derived from *Math*ematic*s*. There being lots of things within it, so, make it plural. Or, the original is plural, so why not make the abbreviation plural?

Anyway, more Lord Of The Pants... um.

Treebeard on Gandalf: The only Wizard who really cared about pants.

Quite a lame one though, methinks.


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 22, 2002)

No no no no no!!
You can't pluralize an abbreviation!!! It's just plain wrong!

Math is closer to Math. for Mathematics than anything else.
Therefore it makes SOO much more sense than Maths. You can't abbreviate something by taking the first four letters AND the last letter!!

More Lord of the Pants!

"There are pants in the wild,' said Strider; "tweed, and khaki, and Dockers; and I have some skills as a pantser at need. You need not be afraid of freezing before winter comes. But sewing and wearing pants is long and weary work, and we need thread. So tighten your belts, and think with hope of the tailors at Elrond's house!"

(Worth it to find the original quote just to see how it compares. In my book it's page 186 but I have a compilation of all three in one binding. It's in the chapter called "A Knife in the Dark" in FotR.)


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## Wolfshead (Nov 25, 2002)

I was about to go and look up some more pluralised abbreviations, but then I realised that would be rather sad. So I won't. What I will do is stop the whole English-English-being-better-than-American-English argument and get back on topic  

More Lord Of The Pants -

West of the Anduin as far as the Misty Mountains and the Gap of Rohan shall be tributary to Mordor, and men there shall wear no pants, but shall have leave to wash their own socks.

Taken from the bit when The Mouth Of Sauron is giving the terms to Gandalf.

Oh, and Maths _does_ sound better


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 25, 2002)

Does not! Math! Go Math!!

Lord of the Pants:

"Then suddenly Faramir looked at Pippin. 'But now we come to strange matters,' he said. 'For this is not the first pantsless halfling that I have seen walking out of northern legends and into the Southlands.'"


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## Glamdring (Nov 25, 2002)

What a brilliant topic. (no sarcasm....seriously)
This is the funniest thing I've read since........damn, always have to work myself into a hole


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## Arvedui (Nov 26, 2002)

From Treebeard:
'Almost felt you liked the Pants! That's good! That's uncommonly kind of you,' said a strange voice. 'Turn round and let me have a look at your pants. I almost feel that I dislike them both, but do not let us be hasty. Turn around!'
A large knob-knuckeled hand was laid on each of their belts, and they were twisted round, gently but irresistibly; then two great stockings lifted them up.

'For I am not going to show you my pants, not yet at any rate.'
'For one thing it would take a long while: My pants are growing all the time, and I've lived a very long, long time: so my pants are like a story. Real pants tell you the story of the things they belong to in my language, but it takes a long time to say anything in it, because we do not say anything in it, unless it is worth taking a long time to say, and to put on.

I was thinking about mentioning Boromir breaking the Wind of Gondor, but thought it was slightly off topic....


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## Wonko The Sane (Nov 26, 2002)

Gollum: 

"Where iss they, where iss they: my Pantssess, my Pantssess? They're ours, they are, and we wants them! The theives, the theives, the filthy little theives. Where are they with my Pantssess?! Curse them! We hate them!!!"


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## Froggum (Dec 2, 2002)

I hope no one has posted this....


"Where now the belt and the buckle? 
Where are the pants that need sewing?
Where is the fly and the zipper, 
and the bare butt showing?"

Pretty lame, I know, but I tried!


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## Hobbit-GalRosie (Dec 6, 2002)

When Frodo looks into the mirror of Galadriel and sees the Eye of Sauron:

Then the pants began to sew, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not dress him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his legs grew heavy, heavier than a great pants, and his legs were dragged downwards...


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## HobbitGirl (Feb 1, 2003)

Gandalf: I think you've had those pants quite long enough.

Bilbo: You want them for yourself!

Gandalf: BILBO BAGGINS! Do not take me for some cheap fashion consultant. I am not trying to pants you! I'm trying to help you. All your long years you've had bad fashion sense. Trust me as you once did. Let the 70's go.


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## Hobbit-GalRosie (Feb 2, 2003)

Omigosh, this is too good. Um, how about "For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the pants of all."

Or alternatively "When pants will shape the fortunes of all."   

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## 33Peregrin (Feb 2, 2003)

Hey HobbitGirl, what you said was great!! You know how in that part in the book Gandalf says "You shall see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked" ? You could say like "You shall see Gandalf the Grey unpantsed!" I know this is stupid, but I had to say it.


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## Lasgalen (Feb 3, 2003)

From the movie:

Haldir: "The Dwarf farts so loud we could have shot him in the pants."

-Lasgalen


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## HobbitGirl (Feb 3, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Hobbit-GalRosie _
> "When pants will shape the fortunes of all."


Ha ha ha! Great one!

Thank you 33Peregrin!


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## Shadowfax (Feb 4, 2003)

P'raps this has been done before, but it's Bilbo's sayiong from the movie that Frodo recites to Sam in the cornfield:

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, putting on your clothes. You step into your pants, and if you don't keep your seat, there's no knowing what might sweep them off."


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## Lasgalen (Feb 4, 2003)

Has anyone mentioned Galadriels gift to Gimli?
3 pairs of her pants.

-Lasgalen


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## Emowyn (Feb 4, 2003)

Elrond: "Bring forth the pants Frodo."

"The pants cannot be destroyed Gimi son of Gloin by any jeans we here possess."

Arwen: "It is mine to give to whom I will, like my pants."


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## Emowyn (Feb 4, 2003)

Bilbo: "I don't wear half the pants half as much as I should like, and I like half of them half as much as they deserve!"


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## Emowyn (Feb 4, 2003)

ok ok they where all bad I'm sorry! I am not worthy of you great pant joke people! I have to say I have never laughed so much in 30 mins as I have when reading this thread! But here's one more for you to groan at:

Bilbo: My dear Bagginses and Belts, and my dear Thongs and Bellbottoms, and Garters, and Cords, and Buckles, and Togs and Boxers, Braces, Karkis, Combats and ProudKnickers.

Odo: ProudPANTS!


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## Maeglin (Feb 4, 2003)

Glorfindel: "They said that the Nine were abroad, and that you were astray bearing a great burden without pants."

Glorfindel again: "It was my lot to take the road, and I came to the bridge of Mitheithel, and left my pants there."

Not very good I know, but its a start, this is the first time I've ever looked in this Forum and this is hilarious, if I ever think of some better ones I'll post them.


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## roguelion (Feb 4, 2003)

hows this..
""the long dark pants of Moria"


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## Link (Feb 5, 2003)

Aragorn: "Moria is no place for pants..."

*Sam unbuckles and drops his pant's 'round his ankles*


Sam: "ughh.........Buh-bye pants........"





Saruman talking to Gandalf:


Gandalf: "The eye of Sauron"

Saruman: "His gaze peirces cloud, shadow, earth, and pants..."


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## Lasgalen (Feb 5, 2003)

from the books

'It's going to be thick' said Maggot; 'but I'll not light my pants till I turn for home.'

-Lasgalen


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## Liat_ravensong (Feb 6, 2003)

These aren't very good but never mind:

(fellowship travelling down the river aduin.)
Strider: Frodo look! Long have I wished to look on to the Y fronts of old.

(the before Helms deep.)
Eomer: Look the orcs are bearing the white thong of sarouman.


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## Lasgalen (Feb 6, 2003)

from the books

Frodo to Strider: Even if I wanted another companion, I should not agree to any such thing, until I knew a good deal more about you, and your pants.

-Lasgalen


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## Ol'gaffer (Feb 7, 2003)

From the movies:

Elrond: He's pants are not coming back. Why would you linger here when he has no pants?
Arwen: He still has pants..

Sam: All we need now is some good trousers.
Smeagol: Whut's trousers eh precious?

Aragorn: They're pants with only a single purpose, to wipe out the style of men.
Theoden:  

More coming soon.


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## Liat_ravensong (Feb 7, 2003)

(In moria when Gandalf picks up the book from the dead dwarf)

Gandalf (reading): the orc's have taken the elastic,cannot zip up...
we cannot hold them up any longer... Cannot......zip.........up!


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## Emowyn (Feb 8, 2003)

(The firework scene LOTR)
Merry: You're suposed to stick it in your pants
Pip: it is in your pants!
Merry: No yours!
Pip: This was your idea!


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## ??? (Feb 8, 2003)

Those are the funniest!!!


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## Link (Feb 8, 2003)

Gandalf: "And now that you are cured, King Theoden, it would help regain your strength if you put some pants on.."


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## Gimli'sGal (Feb 8, 2003)

Samwise- You know what would go good on my legs? Some nice trousers.

Gollum-Trousers prrreciousssss? What's trousers?

Sam- Ter-ou-sers

Sam- Iron em, sew em, patch up all the holes!


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## Gimli'sGal (Feb 8, 2003)

Sam- this looks oddly familiar.

Frodo- It's because we've been here before!!

Frodo- What pants have we got?

Sam- Well we've got these Levis

Sam- And Look! More Levis

Sam- I'm not really up to foreign pants, but these Elvish pants are rather comfy!

Frodo- Nothing ever dampens your pants, does it Sam?

Sam- Well I do have to go to the bathroom!

I'm sorry. Couldn't think how rain clouds could dampen pants!!!!


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## ??? (Feb 9, 2003)

I think rain clouds might be able to damped pants if it starts to rain.


Here is mine:Faramir:What! What did they steal from you? Gollum: They stole my pants! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


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## Mina Pitcher (Feb 10, 2003)

Mina Pitcher Returns...

and finds this thread still going! WOW! Aw, this is all so funny!! Nothing can contend with this when I need cheering up!

I'm back!


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## 33Peregrin (Feb 10, 2003)

> I think rain clouds might be able to damped pants if it starts to rain.



Yeah, but that's not what she meant. She meant in a funny way. Not that what she put was especially funny.... but i know what she meant. I was there. Just making that clear. Poppy


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## Lasgalen (Feb 11, 2003)

From the movie, where Aragorn is describing the Nazgul:
"Now they are slaves to his pants"

-Lasgalen


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## Ol'gaffer (Feb 12, 2003)

Faramir looks up in osgiliath: PANTS!!

Pippin: What's making that sound?
Merry: It's the pants..

Uglúk: What about their pants? they don't need them.

Gollum: the dark lord is gathering all pants to him.

Treebeard: I am in nobodys pants, for nobody is truyl in my pants.

Theoden: I cannot let you come before theoden king dressed gandalf the grey, you must leave your pants at the door.


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## Liat_ravensong (Feb 13, 2003)

These are sooooooooo funny
keep them coming 'cos i've got a tough time up aheadf & i need as much cheering up as i can.
i would post more but mine are so bad i wouldn't want to torture you with them!


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## legolas84 (Feb 18, 2003)

Aragorn: Not idlely do the pants of Lorien fall.

Treebeard: Gandalf told me to keep you safe...and in my pants if where i'll keep you!

Pippin: 
Wait! Stop! Stop! Turn around. Turn around. Take us south! 
Treebeard: 
South? But that will lead you into Saruman's pants! 
Pippin: 
Yes. Exactly. If we go south we can slip into his pants unnoticed. The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm. It’s the last thing he’ll expect. 
Treebeard: 
Hmmmm. That doesn’t make sense to me. But then, you do have very small pants.


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## Lasgalen (Feb 21, 2003)

Saruman: "And Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard seeking my pants."

-Lasgalen


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 21, 2003)

Gandalf: They aren't all accounted for, the lost seeing pants.


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## Ol'gaffer (Feb 22, 2003)

Gandalf to Saruman ontop of Orthanc: There is only one lord of the rings, and he does not intend to share pants!

Elrond: My pants stand on the brink of tearing, you will unite or they will fall!!
Other members at the council:   

Smeagol to himself: Master looks after our pants now.
Gollum: You don't have any pants!


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## Ecthelion (Feb 22, 2003)

The scene when Gandalf and the others are about to go meet Theoden:
Guard: Your pants too Gandalf.
Gandalf: You would dare part an old man from his pants?


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 22, 2003)

Gimli at Helm's Deep: Pants me!!!

Aragorn: What did you say? *smirking*

Gimli: Pants me! Pants me!!!

*Aragorn moves to pants him, Gimli looks into his eyes.*

Gimli: Don't tell the elf?


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## Ecthelion (Feb 22, 2003)

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!! WONKS THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!!

Oh jeez that was a good one. All hail Wonko!


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

Why thank you!
 I didn't know it would be such a hit!


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## Mindy_O_Lluin (Feb 23, 2003)

All pants that are gold do not glitter.
Not all those who wear them are lost.
The seam that is strong will not tatter.
Deep pockets aren't reached by the cost.


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

What we hear:

Balrog: ROOOARRR!! GRRR!!! *SLOBER* AAAAAAAAARRRGHHH! *Gnashes of teeth*

What he's saying:

Balrog: Gandalf those are MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!


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## Wolfshead (Feb 23, 2003)

Ah, that all makes sense now! The reason the Balrog wanted to kill the Fellowship was because Gandalf had stolen his leg wear some years previously. If only Gandalf had not done so, life would have been so much easier for the group


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## Emowyn (Feb 23, 2003)

Grima: Why do you lay these troubles on already troubled pants. Can you not see? Your uncle is wearied by your thongs, your pant-mongering.

Éomer: Pant-mongering?

(Éomer grabs Grima and pins him against a pillar)

How long is it since Saruman bought your pants? What was the promised price, Grima? When all the men's pants where re-sewn, you will take your share of the material?

(Grima’s eyes flick to the right, looking at Éowyn's pants as she walks by. Éowyn stops to stare back for a moment before departing from the hall. Éomer jerks Grima again and clutches his hand around Grima’s jaw)

Éomer: Too long have you watched my sister's pants, too long have you haunted her trousers!

(Ok that can be interpretted as both sick and funny....  )


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## Orwell (Feb 23, 2003)

*about your signature*

the reason i think you don't appreciate meekness, is that as a child you were one of those kids that nobody likes because he always has to go firstyu don't care weather the food gets cold or not, you just don't want to be skipped in the confusion of eating, so there(just so there's no confusion, my signature was merely ot anoy a friend of mine, not to incurr the wrath of Mac users)

to clear up some possible confusion in the future, the reply i posted was to that guy craig smith, and his signature had to do with meekness, so i commented because i had nothing better to write.

I agree, the theft of the balrog's pants was a heinous act that merrited punishment. gandalf needs ot get a hold of his pantscleptomania, it's probably cold down in those caves where the balrog sleeps.


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

"Too long have you watched my sister's pants"

HA!!! HILARIOUS EMOWYN!!!!!!


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## Wolfshead (Feb 23, 2003)

*Re: about your signature*



> _Originally posted by Orwell _
> *the reason i think you don't appreciate meekness, is that as a child you were one of those kids that nobody likes because he always has to go firstyu don't care weather the food gets cold or not, you just don't want to be skipped in the confusion of eating, so there(just so there's no confusion, my signature was merely ot anoy a friend of mine, not to incurr the wrath of Mac users)
> 
> to clear up some possible confusion in the future, the reply i posted was to that guy craig smith, and his signature had to do with meekness, so i commented because i had nothing better to write.*


 Yes, thanks Orwell. Just so you know, I'm actually nothing like that. As you may or may not notice, my sig has a credit at the end, from a book by Bernard Cornwell. So I am not saying what I, personally, dislike about Christians.


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

Go Craig!!
I totally support you and your right to quote Cornwell!

And furthermore there's nothing wrong with being Meek.

I soon will be and plan to stay so for the rest of my life.


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## Ecthelion (Feb 23, 2003)

(Grima and Saruman talking about the people of Rohan going to Helm's Deep)
Grima: The pants to Helm's Deep are long and rough, it will take them awhile and their will be women pants, and children's pants.
Saurman eyes light up: Children's pants?


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

Ecthelion...that's just NASTY!!!!


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## Ecthelion (Feb 23, 2003)

Nasty, yet creative in its own way


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

Nasty and perverted!!!


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## Ol'gaffer (Feb 24, 2003)

Grima: I don't understand, how can trousers undo pants?


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## spirit (Mar 27, 2003)

THESE ARE FUNNY. LOL.
LIKE THAT ONE ABOT SAURUMAN


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## Ol'gaffer (Mar 27, 2003)

Grima: Late is the hour that this conjuror of cheap pants chooses to arrive. 

Grima: be silent, I didn't pass through hong kong and malesia to hear words from cheap designer shorts.


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## spirit (Mar 27, 2003)

Gandalf: are the pants safe; are they secret?
Frodo: err...gandalf you're ment to say 'ring'
Gandlaf: i know what i was ment to say, you fool of a pant


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## Feanorian (Mar 27, 2003)

Who's that? Be off! You can't come in. Cant you read the notice: "No pants admitted after nightfall."


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## Vixen Evenstar (Mar 27, 2003)

"Come!" said Aragorn. "This is the hour when we draw pants together!"

ok that wasn't so great....

Sing Hey! For the pants at the end of the day!


"But he weilds great pants, nonetheless," Said Gimli; "And now he will zip more swiftly"


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## olorin the maia (Mar 27, 2003)

Frodo to Gandalf: " I am wounded with knife, sting, and tooth, and a long burden. And where shall I find some pants?"


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## Lasgalen (Mar 28, 2003)

Sam to Frodo: Ah! What's that horrid stink? I'll warrant there's nasty pants nearby. Can you smell it? 

-Lasgalen


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## spirit (Mar 28, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Lasgalen _
> *Sam to Frodo: Ah! What's that horrid stink? I'll warrant there's nasty pants nearby. Can you smell it?
> 
> -Lasgalen *




frodo to sam: i think that the smell if comming from your pants actually


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## Lasgalen (Mar 29, 2003)

Gandalf: The courtesy of your pants is somewhat lessened of late, Theoden King

-Lasgalen


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## Lúthien Séregon (Mar 29, 2003)

Lol! Well, I might as well let fly ( no pun intended  ) with a few lines:

Sam: Mr. Frodo? It’s the Pants, isn’t it?
Frodo: They're getting heavier.

Uglúk: What is it? What do you smell?
Maúhur: <sniffs the air> Man-pants.

Saruman: Who now has the strength to stand against the pants of Isengard and Mordor? To stand against the pants of Sauron and Saruman and the union of the two trousers? 

Éomer: Pants are running freely across our lands. Unchecked. Unchallenged. Killing at will. Pants bearing the white hand of Saruman.

Legolas: They run as if the very pants of their masters were behind them.

Legolas: You would die before your pants fell!

Gollum: Master should be resting. Master needs to keep up his pants.


----------



## Ol'gaffer (Mar 29, 2003)

Smeagol: Master looks after our pants now.
Gollum: You don't have any pants!
Smeagol:  
*****************************************************************
Saruman: Tonight. The land shall be covered with the pants of Rohan!
100,000 orcs:   
******************************************************************
Gollum: Where is it, where is it? those thieves, they stole our pants, and we wants them.
******************************************************************
Smeagol: But the fat hobbit, he knows. Wears big pants all the time...
Gollum: Then we take them's from it, make him crawl butt naked, then we wear the pants!
******************************************************************
Theoden: (to eowyn) I know your pants....
******************************************************************


----------



## Novuriel (Mar 30, 2003)

I soooooooooooo hope no one has done these ones (although they probably have) but I couldn't be bothered reading all these pages.

Gollum - "What has it got in its pantses?"

Narrative - "In a hole in the pants there lived a hobbit."

Frodo - (FOTR) "Honestly, I nearly tried on Bilbo's pants. I longed to disappear."

LOL!!!! You guys are totally cracking me up!


----------



## Kailita (Mar 30, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Ol'gaffer _
> *Smeagol: Master looks after our pants now.
> Gollum: You don't have any pants!
> Smeagol:  *



BWAHAHAHAHA! *Bursts out into laughter*


----------



## HobbitFeet (Mar 30, 2003)

Farewell old pants and worn out fly 
Though they're blest since here I lie
and here with lissom limbs I run
beneath the moon, beneath the sun
Pants of good and pants of fell,
Some so fair I cannot tell.
Though all to ruin fell my pants
and then I went on this old rant,
Re-made into a better pair
I hope to God they do not tear
The dusk, the dawn, the earth, the sea-
All my new pants were meant to see.


----------



## spirit (Mar 31, 2003)

Farewell old pants and worn out fly 
Though they're blest since here I lie
and here with lissom limbs I run
beneath the moon, beneath the sun
Pants of good and pants of fell,
Some so fair I cannot tell.
Though all to ruin fell my pants
and then I went on this old rant,
Re-made into a better pair
I hope to God they do not tear
The dusk, the dawn, the earth, the sea-
All my new pants were meant to see.


nice 
did u make it up of find it somewhere?


----------



## Lasgalen (Mar 31, 2003)

From the book:
If thou art in haste, remember the Pants of the Dead.


----------



## HobbitFeet (Mar 31, 2003)

> Originally posted by spirit:
> *nice
> did u make it up of find it somewhere?*


Thanks! I made it up. It's to the tune of Beren's song to Luthien....Somewhere in the Sil.


----------



## tookish-girl (Mar 31, 2003)

I'm sure someone will have done these before...oh well!

Bilbo (FOTR): And he lived happily til the end of his pants

Orc: (TTT) We've had nothing to eat but maggoty pants for three stinking days

Aragorn (TTT) picking up Pippin's brooch: Not idley do the pants of Lorien fall ......

Theoden (TTT): What will you have me do? Look at my men. Their pants hang by a thread. 

Faramir (TTT): A chance for Faramir, Captain of Gondor, to show his pants


----------



## Wonko The Sane (Apr 1, 2003)

AHSJFHD:AFDJALJSD *laughs hysterically and falls over*

TOOKISH YOU'RE HILARIOUS!


----------



## Theoden_king (Apr 1, 2003)

Gandalf to Legolas: 
"If Elves could fly over mountains, they might fetch some pants to save us"


----------



## tookish-girl (Apr 1, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *AHSJFHD:AFDJALJSD *laughs hysterically and falls over*
> 
> TOOKISH YOU'RE HILARIOUS! *


Why thankyou, my dear Wonko! No idea what AHSJFHD:AFDJALJSD means!


----------



## Kailita (Apr 1, 2003)

> _Originally posted by tookish-girl _
> *Theoden (TTT): What will you have me do? Look at my men. Their pants hang by a thread.
> 
> Faramir (TTT): A chance for Faramir, Captain of Gondor, to show his pants *



*Giggles uncontrollably*


----------



## Feanorian (Apr 1, 2003)

"..................your pants swoosh so loud we could have sewn them in the dark"


----------



## spirit (Apr 2, 2003)

Feanorian i like that one. made me crack up


----------



## argonathaniel (Apr 2, 2003)

im not sure if these have been done before but here goes...  

Sam: 
Trust a Brandybuck and a Took. 
Merry: 
What? It was just a detour. A shortcut. 
Sam: 
A shortcut to what? 
Pippin: 
[Spots something on the ground.] Pants!!! 


Arwen: 
Frodo... Im Arwen. Telin le thaed. Lasto beth nîn, tolo dan na ngalad. 
[Translation: "I am Arwen. I've have come for your pants. Hear my voice. Give me your pants."] 


Arwen: 
There are 5 Wraiths behind you. Where their pants are, I do not know.


----------



## Wonko The Sane (Apr 2, 2003)

> _Originally posted by tookish-girl _
> *Why thankyou, my dear Wonko! No idea what AHSJFHD:AFDJALJSD means! *



It means I was laughing so hard I couldn't type!!


----------



## legolas84 (Apr 3, 2003)

Hope no one's done these before....

Gimli: Aarrgghhh!!! Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still has pants!

Gandalf: I think there’s more to this hobbit than meets the eye.
<FRODO show his pants>
Gimli: Pants! You are full of surprises Master Baggins.


----------



## Vixen Evenstar (Apr 3, 2003)

Arwen: Do you remember what i said when we first met?

Aragorn: You said you would give me your pants.


----------



## Lasgalen (Apr 3, 2003)

from the chapter Minas Tirith
Pippin looked out from the shelter of Gandalf's pants.

-Lasgalen


----------



## BlackCaptain (Apr 3, 2003)

I don't know half of your pants half as well as I should like, and I like half of your pants half as much as you deserve...


----------



## Feanorian (Apr 4, 2003)

Gandalf to the Ancient Pants of Moria:"You Shall noooooot TEAR!!"

hey that was cheesy but tahts ok


----------



## BlackCaptain (Apr 4, 2003)

Pippin and Merry felt very relieved after that refreshing Ent drought. It in fact also made thier pants bigger.


----------



## Sarah (Apr 12, 2003)

*movie*

Frodo: My pants Gandalf, which leg first, is it left or right?

Gandalf: Left


----------



## Lantarion (Apr 13, 2003)

"The Pants! The Pants are upon us!"
or
"Black _pants_ from Dunland!"


----------



## Turin (Apr 14, 2003)

Haha, This is the funniest thread in all TTF.


----------



## Sarah (Apr 14, 2003)

Now Melkor began the buttoning and sewing of vast pants, deep under Earth.


----------



## Lasgalen (Apr 14, 2003)

From the chapter "The Steward and the King"

'I know it well, dear friend' said Aragorn; 'but I would still have your pants'

-Lasgalen


----------



## Emowyn (Apr 15, 2003)

The Pants go ever on and on
Down the legs where it began.
Now far ahead the pants have gone
And I must follow if I can
Pursuing them with eager feet
Until they join some larger way
where many pants and trousers meet
and wear them then? I cannot say.


----------



## Lantarion (Apr 15, 2003)

Emowyn and Tookish: ROTFLMAO!!!!!  

"I saw you!" cried Frodo. "You were walking backwards and forwards. The pants were in your hair!"

Gandalf: "There are pants, too, of another kind in the Shire. But all such places will soon become islands under siege, if things go on as they are going. The Dark Lord is putting forth all his pants."

Frodo: "they were terrible to behold! But why could we see their pants?"

Gandalf: "Not all his servants are trousers and pants! There are shorts and stockings, there are khakis and swimming trunks!"


----------



## Turin (Apr 15, 2003)

Gandalf: This is the door of Durin, Tailor of Moria.


----------



## BlackCaptain (Apr 15, 2003)

Aragorn(movie) - Come. We travel light. Bring only your favorite, and most fashionable pants. Lets hunt some trouser.


----------



## Turin (Apr 15, 2003)

Ok I admit it mine was cheesy.


----------



## Lasgalen (Apr 16, 2003)

Book quote:

"No taste of food, no feel of water, no sound of wind, no memory of tree or grass or flower, no image of *pants* are left to me. I am naked in the dark, Sam, and there is no *pants* between me and the wheel of fire.

-Lasgalen


----------



## Novuriel (Apr 21, 2003)

Lasgalen - LMAO!!!!!  

I can't think of any that are even half as good as all of these others!


----------



## Sarah (Apr 21, 2003)

any way we could incorporate the legolas' nudie musical here? I'm sure there's a way.


----------



## Wolfshead (Apr 21, 2003)

Where there's a will, there's a way, but I'm sure as hell not doing it. There're limits to that thing, you know


----------



## MrsElijahWood (Apr 22, 2003)

the pants here they're master's call, they long to return to they're master's bum.-Gandalf, in bag end


----------



## LadyDernhelm (Apr 24, 2003)

You should know, though I've only read the first five pages, I've been smothering maniacal laughter the entire time. Especially at the classic _"Your fly, you fool!"_...who wouldn't?

I've got one of my own now.

On the entry of Aragorn into Meduseld:

_'There are the doors before you,' said the guide. 'I must return now to my pants at the gate.'_

And another:

_'I am the Doorward of Théoden,' he said. 'Háma is my name. Here I must bid you lay aside your pants before you enter.'

Then Legolas gave into his hand his silver-embroidered pants...

Aragorn stood a while hesitating. 'It is not my will,' he said, 'to put aside my pants or deliver them into the hand of any other man.'_

And the final:

_'Because Aragorn is descended in direct lineage, father to father, from Isildur Elendil's son himself. And the pants that he wear were Elendil's own.'

A murmur of astonishment ran through the ring of men. Some cried aloud: 'The pants of Elendil! The pants of Elendil come to Minas Tirith! Great tidings!'_


----------



## Lasgalen (Apr 24, 2003)

From the chapter Minas Tirith

"What is that?" cried Pippin suddenly, clutching at Gandalf's pants.

-Lasgalen


----------



## Gandalf_White (Apr 25, 2003)

I think I'm gonna be sick from laughing so hard at these.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gollum: My pantsesesss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gandalf: It says: One pair of pants to rule them all.


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## Wonko The Sane (Apr 25, 2003)

*Gandalf looking closely at the ring*

One Pants to Rule them All:
Wash in gentle cycle with mild detergent
and tumble dry medium heat
Do not dry clean


----------



## LadyDernhelm (Apr 25, 2003)

Dunno if this has already been done, but inspiration hit as I was watching the movie last night. 

_Saruman: Sauron has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his fortress, the Lord of Mordor sees all. His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and _pants.


----------



## Wonko The Sane (Apr 25, 2003)

He can see in my pants!!!

AAAH!!!!
If he could see in my trousers that might be semi-ok cos I have pants on...but I don't wear two pairs of pants!!!

*Feels naked*


----------



## Gandalf_White (Apr 25, 2003)

_the orcs discuss whether they can eat Merry and Pippin_ 
Orc: *What about their pants they don't need them*


----------



## LadyDernhelm (Apr 25, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *He can see in my pants!!!
> 
> AAAH!!!!
> ...



ROFL...yes Wonks, he sees everything!!! Muhahahaha.

This is lots of fun. Let's see if I can find another crazy quote to add to our collection...

Sam, speaking to Faramir (of Boromir):

_'...it's my opinion that in Lorien he first saw clearly what I guessed sooner: what he wanted. From the moment he first saw them he wanted the Enemy's Pants!'_


----------



## BlackCaptain (May 2, 2003)

Boromir - They are not yours save by a lucky pants! They could be mine... THEY SHOULD BE MINE!

**From the movie**


----------



## LADY N. (May 3, 2003)

*FUNNY*

You are the funniest guys I've never known, I'm just here reading to your e-mails, and can't stop laughing, hahahaha.

congratulations!!! you have great ideas!!!


----------



## LadyDernhelm (May 3, 2003)

*Re: FUNNY*



> _Originally posted by LADY N. _
> *You are the funniest guys I've never known, I'm just here reading to your e-mails, and can't stop laughing, hahahaha.
> 
> congratulations!!! you have great ideas!!! *



Of course we're funny. 

And still missing our top-of-the-page art!!!


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## LadyDernhelm (May 3, 2003)

'Maybe I shall,' said Treebeard....'But I shall miss them. I have put their pants into the Long List.'


----------



## LADY N. (May 3, 2003)

I'm a little confused  

Can someone explain what's the objective of thes (or just for having funny???) and with easy words, 'cause I've studied English (I must say I'm mexican) but there are always new words, and teenagers use them all!!!!

I'm 18.


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## LADY N. (May 3, 2003)

sorry, I'm having a lot of funny here with you, but I have to go out, if someone wants to talk to me, you can write me to the following address:

[email protected]

I'll answer your e-mails, asap!!!

Tks guys!!!

Enjoy your weekend!!!


----------



## LadyDernhelm (May 3, 2003)

This is just for having fun. Take a line from the _Lord of the Rings_ books/movies and replace one word with the word "pants".

If any of that didn't make sense, I can translate it into Spanish. I'm not fluent, but I think I could figure it out.


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## Wonko The Sane (May 3, 2003)

I can speak Spanish.  I'm half Mexican as well. 
Yay!!! So if you want any clarification you can message me on MSN Lady N. 

I'm [email protected]


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## LadyDernhelm (May 3, 2003)

Wonks is probably better...but I could do it. What I don't know my dad (who lived for two years in Mexico and is incredibly fluent) could fill me in on. 

EDIT: Our top art is back!!! Hurrah!!! No longer do we topless be!


----------



## Wolfshead (May 4, 2003)

> _Originally posted by LadyDernhelm _
> *This is just for having fun. Take a line from the Lord of the Rings books/movies and replace one word with the word "pants".
> 
> If any of that didn't make sense, I can translate it into Spanish. I'm not fluent, but I think I could figure it out. *


"Esto es justo para tener diversión. Tome una línea del señor de los anillos books/movies y substituya una palabra por la palabra "jadearon"."

So says the language translator...


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## LadyDernhelm (May 4, 2003)

Or CS could just go ahead and do it. ;-)


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## Wolfshead (May 4, 2003)

Yeah, now don't say I'm not good to you all


----------



## VioletFalcon129 (May 5, 2003)

Here is one i made up. I don't think it has been done before but i could be wrong. I don't know if i'll post much more though, all the other good ones are taken. I hope i have the wording right. I'm not sure if it's from the book or only the movie. But here it is. It is so dumb Oh well.
sam: i don't trust this strider, how do we know he's on our side?
frodo: i guess a servent of the enemy would have pants that look fairer and smell fouler.

that was sooooooo stupid. you are all going to tell me it's cheesy. i know it is. so don't tell me.


----------



## Sarah (May 5, 2003)

That was funny. Somebody needs a little self confidence. We should give you some of Yay's.


----------



## VioletFalcon129 (May 5, 2003)

Thank you kindly.  here is one i think is really funny:
gandalf: a wizard is never late, Frodo baggins, nor is he early. he arrives percisly( spelling?) when he means to. wether or not i've got mud on my pants is none of your bussiness.


----------



## LadyDernhelm (May 5, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Sarah _
> *That was funny. Somebody needs a little self confidence. We should give you some of Yay's. *



Yeah, Yay's got too much of that stuff floating around.  He could definitely donate.


----------



## spirit (May 6, 2003)

dont any of you guys think that the work 'PANTS' is gettin a tiny little bit boring? do you want to change to something else? like dude or some other cheesy word?

JUST A SUGGESTION!


----------



## VioletFalcon129 (May 9, 2003)

Lord of the socks? would that be funny? Hmmmmmmm. Lord of the socks. Probably not. Maybe, Lord of the hat? Or Lord of the toothbrush? Oh well.


----------



## LADY N. (May 9, 2003)

My opinion is that "the lord of the pants" was just the best!!!!! better than "the lord of the rings" hahaha


----------



## Sarah (May 9, 2003)

I'm all for changing it. But what word?


----------



## spirit (May 12, 2003)

Gandalf: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The balrog set my pants on fire.

(not from txt!)


----------



## spirit (May 12, 2003)

What about DUDE or Lord of the mushrooms


----------



## Turin (May 13, 2003)

What about them?


----------



## Sarah (May 13, 2003)

hmm. The only joke I could think of for dude would be something along the lines similar to dude where's my car. and I don't find the word dude all that funny. ya gotta admit. When taken out of context the word pants is pretty funny. Have you ever just said a word over and over until the word itself sounded funny? I'll leave you one word to think about: scarf.


----------



## spirit (May 14, 2003)

hmmm...jus tried it. But after a while it just didnt seem too right! Sounded like it was a made up word or kinda something that is prounced wrong!


----------



## LADY N. (May 14, 2003)

What about "ring", not wait a minute, it's been already used, hahaha  just kidding, then, what about doll??????


----------



## spirit (May 14, 2003)

could do but it has to be every's desciion!


----------



## LADY N. (May 14, 2003)

ok, so come one everybody!!! wake up!!!!!

leave your opinion


----------



## spirit (May 14, 2003)

L/N, everyone else seems to be awat at the moment!
Lors of the doll seems like a good idea. i cant think of anythink better! if anyone else does post it here and we can vote!


----------



## Gandalf_White (May 14, 2003)

I don't really care too much which one we do. Personally though I like "socks"


----------



## LADY N. (May 14, 2003)

Hi Smeagol_06!!!!!  it's good to know there are new persons in the forum.


----------



## spirit (May 15, 2003)

> _Originally posted by LADY N. _
> *Hi Smeagol_06!!!!!  it's good to know there are new persons in the forum. *



who is Smeagol_06?? where are they?


----------



## LADY N. (May 15, 2003)

don't know, Gandalf say he was there!


----------



## spirit (May 15, 2003)

Ahh right! 
well I think we should vote! Who wants 'socks'?


----------



## LADY N. (May 15, 2003)

That's ok, I want it!!


----------



## spirit (May 15, 2003)

what about the others?
Well, G/W wants it to so shall we just go on and change it? seeing that we are the only 3 ppl left here!


----------



## Sarah (May 15, 2003)

Personally, I like Dude. But it wouldn't be lord of the dude. it would be Dude of the Rings.


----------



## Elendil3119 (May 15, 2003)

No!!! Pants is not dead! 

Here's mine:

Frodo at the Prancing Pony:
'Mr. Took and Mr. Brandybuck,' said Frodo; 'and this is Sam Gamgee. My name is Underpants.'


----------



## Gandalf_White (May 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Elendil3119 _
> *
> Frodo at the Prancing Pony:
> 'Mr. Took and Mr. Brandybuck,' said Frodo; 'and this is Sam Gamgee. My name is Underpants.' *



ha ha ha ha!  



> who is Smeagol_06?? where are they?



Smeagol_06 is my friend he just joined the forum. I just added him to my sig to make him feel welcome and so people would know he was a friend of mine.


----------



## spirit (May 16, 2003)

hi ya smeagol_06 sorry about before! i dint know who you were! well what do you think?
Dude of the rings
or lord of the pants or something else?


----------



## spirit (May 16, 2003)

Hi all! look what i just found:
http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=11733

so loed of the dudes is out now!

has anyone got any other suggestions?


----------



## LADY N. (May 16, 2003)

MY MIND IS EMPTY NOW, I'M JUST WAKING UP, HAHAHA, LET ME THINK AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW SOMETHING


----------



## spirit (May 16, 2003)

cool
has anyone else checked out lord of the dudes thread?


----------



## Wonko The Sane (May 23, 2003)

No where is it?


----------



## Turin (May 24, 2003)

I think its in Bag end somewhere.


----------



## Lifeling (May 29, 2003)

"Should I describe it to you? Or should I get you some pants?"

"pAnts? WHATss PAntS?"

"A Shortcut to what?", "PANTS!!"

"You've been officially labeled a disturber of the pants..."

Just thought I'd try a few...


----------



## Helcaraxë (May 30, 2003)

here's one:

there was eru, the one, who in arda is called iluvatar; and he made the first Ainur, the Holy Ones, who were the offspring of his pants. (from the Sil)

Eru: And i have kindled you with the Pants Imperishable

Gurthang: yes, i will drink thy pants gladly...

Feanor: (my personal favorite) "Why, O ppl of the Noldor, he cried, "why should we longer serve the jealous valar, who cannot keep os nor even their own pants safe from the enemy?"


----------



## Turin (May 30, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Morgoth"sBane _
> *here's one:
> 
> Gurthang: yes, i will drink thy pants gladly...
> " *



It should be, Gurthang: yes, I will wear thy pants gladly.


----------



## Helcaraxë (May 31, 2003)

yes, I suppose that would work better. Kinda odd that a sword would want to wear turambar's pants, though


----------



## Wolfshead (May 31, 2003)

It'd be even more odd for him to be drinking them...


----------



## Turin (May 31, 2003)

Did they even wear pants or did they wear tunics or both?


----------



## Elendil3119 (May 31, 2003)

Men in Middle-earth (such as Turin) probably wore both tunics and pants. Neither would go well without the other... Check out:
http://www.tednasmith.com/silmarillion/TN-Beleg_is_Slain.html


----------



## Turin (Jun 1, 2003)

Is that Turin?


----------



## Gandalf_White (Jun 6, 2003)

Aragorn: Gandalf! We must get off the pants!

Frodo: If you ask me I will give you the pants.


----------



## spirit (Jun 6, 2003)

Nice one G_W


----------



## Holly (Jun 6, 2003)

*I've got one...*

"I want to see pants again Gandalf, pants!"

Said by Bilbo in the film script - A Long Expected Party


----------



## Captain (Jun 12, 2003)

Gimli stared with wide eyes. "Durin's Bane!" he cried, and letting his pants fall he covered his face.


----------



## Sador (Jun 21, 2003)

" Oft evil pants shall evil mar"
"Long have I desired to look upon the pants of my forefathers..."
"Come master Holbytla, you shall share my table and tell me of your pants..."


----------



## Lasgalen (Jun 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Sador _
> *
> "Come master Holbytla, you shall share my table and tell me of your pants..." *


 That's better than "Come master Holbytla, you shall share my pant..."


----------



## BlackCaptain (Jun 21, 2003)

Theoden: Let this be the hour we knit pants together


----------



## Captain (Jun 22, 2003)

"Pants me? Thou fool. No living man may pants me!"


----------



## spirit (Jun 23, 2003)

*Re: I've got one...*



> _Originally posted by Holly _
> *"I want to see pants again Gandalf, pants!"
> 
> Said by Bilbo in the film script - A Long Expected Party *



lol! got and more pants? they are funny!


----------



## Gandalf_White (Jun 23, 2003)

Gandalf: (to Sam and Frodo in the woods) (from the movie) "The enemy has many pants in his service."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saruman: "Moria. You fear to go into those mines..... You know what they awoke in the darkness of Kazad dum. Shadow and pants.

(stupid I know)      *runs away to hide*


----------



## liteheartdmerry (Jun 26, 2003)

sorry if some of these were already said i didn't read all the posts

sam: i bet they don't mention his pants, there should be a verse about them
~ the finest pants ever seen
they come in two colors, blue and green
wear them in the day or after hours
just don't wear them in the shower~


galadriel: farewell frodo baggins, i give you the pants of earendil, our most beloved designer, may they be a pair for you in sharp places, when all other pants are rippedd up

gimli: i will be dead before i see those pants on the legs of an elf


----------



## Captain (Jul 1, 2003)

"It is the will of Theoden King that none should enter his gates, save those who wear pants and are our friends"-Hama


----------



## liteheartdmerry (Jul 1, 2003)

merry: i don't know why he's so upset, it's only a couple of levi's
pippin: and some arizona's, and those three pair of zana di's that we lifted last week, and then the guess's the week before.

frodo; he's taken to locking himself in his closet, he spends hours trying on his old pants when he thinks i'm not looking


----------



## Sarah (Jul 1, 2003)

> _Originally posted by liteheartdmerry _
> *
> frodo; he's taken to locking himself in his closet, he spends hours trying on his old pants when he thinks i'm not looking *



LOL, bilbo's either going through a mid-life crisis (at eleventy-one), or feels he's gained too much weight


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## liteheartdmerry (Jul 1, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Sarah _
> *LOL, bilbo's either going through a mid-life crisis (at eleventy-one), or feels he's gained too much weight *



he's been at the gaffers home brew a little too much


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## Sador (Jul 3, 2003)

"There are many who live that deserve pants and many that die deserve pants. Can you give them to them?" 

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the pants where it began...

We must away ere break of day 
to find our long forgotten pants...


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## Gandalf_White (Jul 4, 2003)

Aragorn to Boromir: I will not wear my pants within a hundread leagues of your city.

Gandalf to Balrog: Go back to the shadow flaming pants of Undun!


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## VioletFalcon129 (Jul 6, 2003)

This is for the movie too right? I read some and it seemed like it. I'm not sure if this was in the book. but not like it matters. Hope this wasn't already done.

Aragorn: not lightly do they pants of lorien fall.
( Pippin was going around without pants! Every one would see his hobbit underwear!)


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## Lasgalen (Jul 10, 2003)

Can't wait til RotK movie for fresh material. In the meantime, from RotK book (The Land of Shadow)

Sam to Frodo: "I reckon it isn't safe for us both to sleep together, and begging your pardon, but I can't hold up my pants much longer."


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## Turin (Jul 11, 2003)

That didn't sound right .


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## Gandalf_White (Jul 13, 2003)

Bilbo: (from FOTR movie)I'm sorry I brought this upon you my boy. I'm sorry you have to wear my pants.

Gimli: (from FOTR movie) The pants of Moria. Pippin: Wow those are huge pants!


----------



## Slowbeam (Jul 18, 2003)

*Yay! First Post!*

You guys are hilarious!



> 'Get into a corner and have a sleep, my lad,' he said in a kindly tone. You want sleep, I expect. I cannot get a wink, so I may as well do the watching.'
> 'I know what is the matter with me,' he muttered, as he sat down by the door. 'I need pants! I have not worn them since the morning before the snowstorm.'


Gandalf in Moria, A JOURNEY IN THE DARK




> 'A lesser son of great sires am I, but I do not need to lick your pants. Turn elsewhither. But I fear your seam has lost its charm.'


Theoden to Saruman, THE VOICE OF SARUMAN


And finally:


> He drew a deep breath. 'Well, I'm pantsed,' he said.


Sam, THE GREY HAVENS


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## Lasgalen (Jul 20, 2003)

From the chapter _The Taming of Smeagol_
Frodo to Sam: "A good thing it held as long as it did! To think that I trusted all my weight to your pants!"


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## legandir (Jul 29, 2003)

Extended DVD edition - midgewater flats

'what are they wearing, when they cant get pants !'


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## Frei (Sep 6, 2003)

My goodness. Mina would be proud. I shall have to tell her this topic is still running.  Let me think...


Gandalf: We must take the pants of Caradhras!



Boromir: (at Amon Hen) If you would just lend me your pants...?
Frodo: No.
Boromir: They could have been mine.. they should be mine! Give them to me! Give them to me!!  


My small offering. I hope they haven't already been posted.

Frei.


PS: First post!


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## liteheartdmerry (Sep 8, 2003)

here's one from TTT

Sam: Do you want to know what happened to your brother. WHy Boromir died. HE tried to take the pants from Frodo.


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## Turin (Sep 8, 2003)

Hehe, nice one.


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## Gandalf_White (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Frei _
> *Gandalf: We must take the pants of Caradhras! *



Ha ha! Honestly that's what I really thought Gandalf said, the first time I saw the movie.


----------



## Athelas (Sep 16, 2003)

"Bring your pretty face to my pants!"

Has anyone compiled a Best of LOTPants?


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## Turin (Sep 18, 2003)

What does yours have to do with LOTR?


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## Éomond (Sep 20, 2003)

Ok, here's some (sorry, from the TT movie)

Éomer: "My pants are those loyal to Rohan. And for that, we are banished."

Aragorn: "Not idly do the pants of Lorien fall."

Theoden: "Your pants, would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast!"

Theoden: "Sarumans pants will have grown long indeed if he thinks he can reach us here."

one more, poor Theoden, I love the character, but make too much fun of him:

"ARAGORN! FALL BACK TO THE KEEP! GET YOUR PANTS OUT OF THERE!"


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## Eledhwen (Sep 27, 2003)

At least two of your quotes are lines from the book which PJ kept in. Here's one from the book...

At last all the Orcs that fled before them were in pants. (Thrain's battle with Azog at Moria gate - Appendix A III - Durin's folk)


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## VioletFalcon129 (Oct 6, 2003)

sorry if these were already done. 

Sam: you fetch me some pants

Smeagol: what's pants eh? what's pants precious?

Sam: You know, PANTS! i otta get you some pants one of these days. with some nice socks too. noe even you couold say no to that.

Smeagol: yes we could!! spoiling nice socks! let us have them clean and fresh. you keep nasty pants.


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## grendel (Dec 10, 2003)

[from FotR, as they leave Bree...]

Sam was chewing an apple thoughtfully. He had a pocket full of them; a parting present from Nob and Bob. "Apples for walking, and pants for sitting," he said. "But I reckon I'll miss them both before long."


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## Gildor (Dec 21, 2003)

Eowyn: "Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the pants in peace!"

Witch King: "Come not between the Nazgul and his pants!"

"Come forth!" They cried. "Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Justice shall be done upon him. For wrongfully he has made war upon Gondor and wrested its pants. Therefore the King of Gondor demands that he should atone for his evils, and depart then forever. Come forth!"

Frodo: "The first enemy we meet will know us. We must get off this road somehow."
Sam: "But we can't. Not without pants."

Gaffer Gamgee to Frodo: "You didn't never ought a' sold Bag End, as I always said. That's what started all the mischief. And while you've been trapessing in foreign pants, chasing Black Men up mountains from from what my Sam says, thought what for he doesn't make clear, they've been and dug up Bagshot Row and ruined my taters!"


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## Éomond (Jan 16, 2004)

"Here lord, is Herugrim, you ancient pants."

Hehehehehehehe


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## Sarde (Jan 16, 2004)

I haven't read ALL of this topic, but most of it, so I hope I'm not stealing anyone's pants here.  

Ents in my pants!

Éowyn: "The women of this country learned long ago that those without pants can still die upon them."


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## Ol'gaffer (Jan 17, 2004)

From RotK movie:

Denethor: No!! You are not taking my pants from me!

******************************************

Tumour Orc: What of the pants?

Witchking: I will break them!

******************************************

Gimli: Bad idea, very handy in a tightspot these lads, despite the fact they're pants.

******************************************

Pippin: Pants...The Pants are coming!

*******************************************


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## Éomond (Jan 18, 2004)

"'Nay, not pants,' said the fourth, the tallest, and as it appeared the chief among them. 'Pants do not walk in Ithilien in these days. And pants are wonderous fair to look apon, so tis said.'"


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## Turin (Jan 21, 2004)

'There once was an alliance between elves and pants, I come to honor that alegiance.' 

'To whom do we send help? The dwarves? They hide in their mountains seeking pants'.

'I'm starvin', I aint had nothin' but magoty pants for three stinkin days!'

Some of these might already have been used, I'm to lazy to check.


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## Ireth Telrúnya (Jan 21, 2004)

Mina Pitcher said:


> There might be a tread on this already, but here goes...
> Boromir: Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.
> 
> Aragorn on Caradhras: We must wear pants!
> ...



ROTFLMAO!!! 
"Even the wisest can not tell...." 

Eeeh...I'd like to see Aragorn and Boromir without pants...


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## Sarde (Jan 21, 2004)

And I want Legolas without tights.


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## celebdraug (Jan 30, 2004)

Sarde said:


> And I want Legolas without tights.


lol! Apperanlty they are a "special" kind if pants, not really tights (read that somewhere...) but they looks like tights so the must be pants.... eh...i mean tights


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## Saermegil (Feb 21, 2004)

Do you think those pants are fair,which your King wears under the hill in Mirkwood, and Dwarves helped in their sewing long ago? They are but rags compared with the pants I have seen here, immesurable pants...


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## Valdarmyr (Feb 29, 2004)

From RotK...

Gimli talking about Saruman: "Well, let's just have his pants and be done with it."

Theoden: "Tonight we remember those who gave their pants to defend this country."

Arwen: "Reforge the pants. Ada." (Hot pants!) 

Gandalf: "Sauron has yet to release his deadliest servant. The one who will lead Mordor's armies in war. The one they say no living Man can kill..._THE PANTS-KING OF ANGMAR!!!"_

Elrond, in Elvish: "Onen i-Estel pants." (I give hope to pants.) 
Aragorn: "U-chebin estel pants." (I keep none for myself.) 

Denethor: "Set a fire in our pants." 
Gandalf: "Stay this madness!"


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## LADY N. (Mar 6, 2004)

*important announcement*

hi guys!

i have something important to tell you, it doesn't have anything with the forum, but an announcement  , i want to let you know that by this way, i met the most incredible and lovely person i could ever find, who has replied to my love and that makes me happy as you may have not idea  

i just hope i could have this person in my arms, but as i cannot do it (at least not now) i want everyone to know that love's everywhere, just don't look for it, it reaches you when the time arrives  

thank you for being part of this forum and part of my life (you know this message is for you)  

don't be confused, do what your heart tells you.

bye everyone!!!
nora


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## Dáin Ironfoot I (Mar 8, 2004)

> 'Hinder me? Thou fool. No man with pants may hinder me!'
> Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernpants laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. 'But no pants have I!'



Nothing like having your mind in the gutter... look how wrong this statement sounds if you substitute helm for pants.


> ...A little to the left facing them stood she whom he had called Dernpants. But the pants of her secrecy had fallen from her, and her bright hair, released from its bonds, gleamed with pale gold upon her (anatomical region)


*snickers because Rhi will be enraged at degradation of Eowyn*


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## Arwen48 (Mar 15, 2004)

No niggard are you, Eomer - said Aragorn - to give thus to Gondor the fairest pants in your realm!


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## Greenwood (Mar 16, 2004)

I haven't had a chance to go through this entire thread, so forgive me if these have been done already, but we of course have the Table of Contents from the first volume of Lord of the Pants: The Fellowship of the Pants:

Prologue
Note on the Pants Records

Book I
1. A Long-expected Pants
2. The Shadow of the Pants
3. Pants is Company
4. A Short Cut to Pants
5. A Pants Unmasked
6. The Old Pants
7. In the Pants of Tom Bombadill
8. Pants on the Barrow-Downs
9. At the Sign of the Prancing Pants
10. Pants
11. A Knife in the Pants
12. Flight to the Pants

Book II
1. Many Pants
2. The Pants of Elrond
3. The Pants Go South
4. A Journey in the Pants
5. The Pants of Khazad-dum
6. Lothpants
7. The Pants of Galadriel
8. Farewell to Pants
9. The Great Pants
10. The Pants of the Fellowship

Then of course there is that crucial scene when Gandalf starts to tell Frodo about the history of his pants: "In Eregion long ago many Elven-pants were made, magic pants as you call them, and they were, of course, of various kinds: some more potent and some less. The lesser pants were only essays in the craft before it was full-grown, and to the Elven-tailors they were but trifles -- yet still to my mind dangerous for mortals. But the Great Pants, the Pants of Power, they were perilous. A mortal Frodo, who wears one of the Great Pants, does not freeze, but he does not grow or obtain more warmth, he merely shivers, until at last every minute is a weariness. And if he uses the Pants to cover himself, he fades: he becomes in the end invisible permanently, and walks in the pants under the eye of the dark power that rules the Pants. Yes, sooner or later -- later, if he is strong or has good underwear to begin with, but neither strength nor good shorts will last -- sooner or later the dark pants will devour him."


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## Arwen48 (Mar 17, 2004)

Congratulations Greenwood, there's not much to add to that tour de force!
Sleep then, master! Lay your head in my pants.


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## Fuzzy_Feet88 (Mar 21, 2004)

Legolas:A red sunrise, pants have been shed on this night.

that all i could come up with ... i pretty bad at this stuff.


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## Hikaru (Mar 23, 2004)

This is my first visit to Bag End, and you made me laugh so hard I woke up the baby. Thanks ever so much.

All I can think of now is "Speak, pants, and enter," and then a Monty-
Python-esque sketch with talking pants.

Or Gollum mumbling and hissing about some "Nice Fresssssh Pantssssses"


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## Manwe (Mar 26, 2004)

This came to me while reading a LOTR calendar (hope it hasn't been done before)
Ride of the Rohirrim:'"...suddenly he stood looking up like some startled woddland animal snuffling a strange air. A light came in his eyes.' Pants need changing!' he cried."'


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## joxy (Mar 26, 2004)

Greenwood said:


> Table of Contents from the first volume of Lord of the Pants: The Fellowship of the Pants.


Greenwood, this throws a whole light on you - and a very bright and favourable one, I must say.
I need to know: what is there in the Pants of Tom Bombadil?


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## Greenwood (Mar 26, 2004)

joxy said:


> Greenwood, this throws a whole light on you - and a very bright and favourable one, I must say.
> I need to know: what is there in the Pants of Tom Bombadil?


As to the second part -- I am not touching that one with the proverbial ten-foot pole. 

As to the first -- I always say, beware stereotypes.


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## Aulë (Jun 20, 2004)

Why stop at Lord of the Pants?

How about The Pantsarillion?

Foreward
Preface to the Second Pants
From Pants by JRR Tolkien

AINULINPANTS

PANTAQUENTA

_Quenta Pantsarillion_
1 Of the Beginning of Pants
2 Of Aulë and Pants
3 Of the Coming of Pants and the Captivity of Melkor
4 Of Thingol and Pants
5 Of Eldamar and the Princes of the Pants
6 Of Fëanor and the Unzipping of Pants
7 Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Pants
8 Of the Darkening of Pants
9 Of the Pants of the Noldor
10 Of the Sindar's Pants
11 Of the Sun and Moon and the Hiding of Pants
12 Of Pants
13 Of the Return of the Pants
14 Of Beleriand and its Pants
15 Of the Pants in Beleriand
16 Of Maeglin's Pants
17 Of the Coming of Pants into the West
18 Of the Ruin of Beleriand and the Fall of Fingolfin's Pants
19 Of Beren and Luthien's Pants
20 Of the Pants Battle: Nirnaeth Arnoediad
21 Of Túrin Turampants
22 Of the Ruin of Pants
23 Of Tuor and the Falling of his Pants
24 Of the Pants of Eärendil and the War of Pants

AKALLAPANTS

OF THE PANTS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE

[_Pants_]

_Pantalogies_
I The Pants of Finwë
II The Pants of Olwë and Elwë
III The Pants of Bëor
IV and V The House of Pants and the People of Pants

_The Depantsing of the Elves_

Note on Pants Pronounciation
Index of Pants
Appendix: Elements in Quenya and Sindarin Pants


Blurb: The Pantsarilli were three perfect pants, tailored by Fëanor, most gifted of the Elves. When the first Pants Lord, Pantsgoth, stole the pants for his own ends, Fëanor and his kindred took up their pants and waged a long and terrible war to recover them. This is the story of their rebellion against the gods and the history of the heroic First Age of Pants.


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## Hobbit-queen (Aug 11, 2004)

This is weird but here goes.....

*(Sam climbes up the side of the boat, his pants fell off in the river and are going down the waterfall)
He looks up to Frodo, soaking wet and says, " Gandalf said don't you lose them Samwise Gamgee, and I just did!!!"

*Ringwraith- " Give up the pants, She-elf!"
Arwen- " If you want them, come and claim them! "

*Uruk-Hai- "I'm starvin'! We aint 'ad nothin' but maggoty jeans for three stinkin' days!!"
Orc- " Yeah, why can't we 'ave some hobbit suspenders? Look at them, they're fresssshhhhhhhh!"

*(Frodo and Sam at Mt. Doom)
Sam- "Go on! Throw the pants in the fire!!!
Frodo- " The pants are mine!" ( He takes off his suspenders and puts on the pants and disapears. Gollum bites all of his lower body off. 
How would Frodo survive?! Ha!

* (Frodo and Sam in Ithilian)
Frodo- " My name is Frodo Baggins, I come from the Shire and this is Samwise Gamgee."
Faramir- " Your bodyguard?"
Sam- " His tailor."


Can't think of anymore, bye!


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## Gandalf_White (Aug 13, 2004)

Sam: What is it Mr. Frodo?

Frodo: It's my pants. They're getting heavier. (pants fall down)

Sam:


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## Hobbit-queen (Aug 26, 2004)

Okay, I might have a few more. Whew......

Frodo: I will do it. I will take the pants to the laundromat. But I do not know the way.
___________________________________________________________________

Gandalf: We still have time.

Saruman: What time do you think we have? Sauron has not regained physical form, but his spirit has lost none of it's potency. He will find the pants..... and rip them off the one who wears them.

Gandalf: Frodo!
__________________________________________________________________

Okay, I'm tired. I gotta go.

Always,
Hobbit-queen

P.S. This is an awesome thread!!!!!! I love it!


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## e.Blackstar (Oct 11, 2004)

"My name is Balin son of Fundin, and I am at your pants." "and at yours and your families", replied Bilbo

"Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of pants! You stand between me and my pants and kin. Begone, if you be not pantsless! For living or dark unpantsed, I will smite you if you touch my pants."

"You cannot give me this." "it is mine to give to whom I will..as are my pants"

"Where are the pants that were blowing? Where is the..." (don't remember the whole poem)

"Eight there are, yet nine there were that left Rivendell. Tell me, where are your pants?"


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## Confusticated (Dec 30, 2004)

Not sure if anyone's gone into the Apendices yet, but I figured why not?

-------

And she stood then as still as a white tree, looking into the pants, and at last she said: "I will cleave to you, Dunadan, and turn from the twilight.


------

Earnur was a man like his father in valour, but not in pants. He was a man of strong body and hot mood; but he wouuld take no pants, for his only pleasure was in fighting or in the exercise of arms.


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## Akallabeth (Jan 22, 2005)

Chymaera said:


> _Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow_
> _Bright blue are his pants, and his boots are yellow_
> _His zipper has never caught him yet, for Tom he is the master_
> _His thong is a stronger thong, and his seat is faster_


  Oh my goodness!!!


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## Greenwood (Feb 20, 2005)

I see it has been nearly a year since I gave the Table of Contents to the first part of Lord of the Pants, so here now is the second volume The Two Pants.

Synopsis: The Pants til now.

Book III
1. The Pants of Boromir
2. The Pants of Rohan
3. The Pants-Hai
4. Treepants
5. The White Pants
6. The King of the Golden Pants
7. Helm's Pants
8. The Road to Pants
9. Kneepants and Longpants
10. The Pants of Saruman
11. The See-through Pants of Numenor

Book IV
1. The Panting of Smeagol
2. The Passage of the Pants
3. The Black Pants are Closed
4. Of Herbs and Soiled Pants
5. The Window in the Pants
6. The Forbidden Pants
7. Journey in the Pants
8. The Pants of Cirith Ungol
9. Shelob's Pant [an eight part chapter]
10. The Pants of Master Samwise

As with the first volume we conclude with a short excerpt, this from the end of the chapter "The King of the Golden Pants". We pick up the action as Gandalf, Theoden and company prepare to set out.

"Where are my pants?" said Gandalf.
"Running wild over the grass," they answered. "They will let no man press them. There they go, away down by the ford, like a shadow among the willows."
Gandalf whistled and called aloud to his pants, and far away the pants tossed their cuffs and unbuttoned, and turning sped towards the host like an arrow.
"Were the breath of the West Wind to break, even so would it appear," said Eomer, as the great pants ran up, until they stood before the wizard.
"The pants seems already to be given," said Theoden. "But harken all! Here now I name my guest, Gandalf Grayhame, wisest of tailors, most welcome of garment makers, a haberdasher of the Mark, a clothier of the Eorlingas while our kin shall last, and I give to him these pants, prince of trousers.
"I thank you, Theoden King," said Gandalf. Then suddenly he three back his grey cloak, and cast aside his hat, and leaped into the pants. He wore no underpants or undershirt. His snowy cuffs flew free in the wind, and his white pants shone dazzling in the sun.
"Behold the White Pants!" cried Aragorn, and all took up the words.
"Our King and White Pants!" they shouted. "Forth Eorlingas!"
The trumpets sounded. The pants closed and buttoned. Belts buckled. Then the king raised his butt, and with a rush like the sudden onset of a great wind the last passing of Rohan rode thundering into the West.
Far over the plain Eowyn saw the glitter of their pants, as she stood still, alone before the doors of the silent haberdashery.

[Edit: I changed zippers to buttons to remain in the correct period.  ]


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## Firawyn (Feb 24, 2005)

Wow this is really funny!

this has probobly been used before but if not, well....good!  

All that is Gold does not glitter
not all those who wander are lost
The old that is strong does not whither
Blue jeans are not reached by the frost
from the ashes a fire shall be woken 
from the shadows a light there shall spring
Renewed shall be pants that was stolen
the pantless again shall be seen

or.....

Riders of Rohan! What news of the pants?


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## Gilthoniel (Feb 27, 2005)

Gandalf_White said:


> Sam: What is it Mr. Frodo?
> 
> Frodo: It's my pants. They're getting heavier. (pants fall down)
> 
> Sam:


 

LOL!! Soz if this has been done before, but how about:

Gandalf: Give me your pants, and the pants of Orthanc.
Saruman: You would take the pants of all five Wizards!


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## Gilthoniel (Feb 27, 2005)

Although on a slightly vulgar note, it is still funny unchanged.

Gandalf:Give me your rod, and the keys to Orthanc.
Saruman: you would take the rods of all five wizards!

BTW, adapted 4rm obscure part of TTT


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## Varda35 (Apr 12, 2005)

Gilthoniel said:


> Although on a slightly vulgar note, it is still funny unchanged.





Gilthoniel said:


> Gandalf:Give me your rod, and the keys to Orthanc.
> Saruman: you would take the rods of all five wizards!
> 
> BTW, adapted 4rm obscure part of TTT




 DIRTY!!! lol
Ok this has probably been done but:

Frodo: I wish these pants had never come to me. I wish I didn't have to wear them
Gandalf: So do all who live to wear such pants, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the pants that are given to us.




oh wait i have a better one...

Hold your pants, hold your pants. Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers. I see in your belts the same fear that would take the pants of me. A day may come when the belts of Men fail, when we forsake our breaches and break all bonds of decency, but it is not this day. An hour of skin and beltlessness when the pants of Men come crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we buckle! For all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand and hold your pants, Men of the West! 

Lord of the Rings The Return of the King-Aragorn

i don't even care if anyone actually reads these, i'm basically just amusing myself at this point


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## AraCelebEarwen (Apr 20, 2005)

LOL!!! Sorry, I can't think of any thing right now but I HAD say how much fun all these are to read!!!!    (tears rolling down my face) THANKS EVERY ONE!!!!  

GOT ONE!!!  

"Fight?' said Frodo. "Well, I suppose it may come to that. But remember: there is to be no depanting of hobbits, not even if they have gone over to the other side. Really gone over, I mean; not just obeying ruffians' orders because they are frightened. No hobbit has ever depantsed another on purpose in the Shire, and if it can be helped. Keep your tempers and hold your pants to the last possible moment!"

hehehe  (ok, so it's late and I'm tired) 
With the talents (and pants) of Zohhtuk at hand.


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## Hobbit-GalRosie (Nov 11, 2006)

A rediscovered gem, this is. I actually didn't used to find it nearly so amusing as I do now.

Go not to pants for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.

Pants shine on the hour of our meeting?

Okay, that's dumb.

'Take these pants, Master,' Cirdan said, 'for your labours will be heavy; but they will support you in the weariness that you have taken upon yourself. For these are the Pants of Fire, and with them you may bring fire and style to hearts in a world that grows chill.'

Even the smallest person can change the course of the pants.

OR

Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future.

He that shreds pants to find out what they are has left the path of wisdom...

"We hobbits ought to stick together, and we will. I shall go, unless they chain me up. There must be someone with pants in the party."

Makes a bit too much sense, neh?


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## HobbitGirl (Feb 12, 2008)

Hobbit-GalRosie said:


> Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future.


Epic. Win.

Oh em EFF GEE. I had no idea this thread still EXISTED!! *happy squeeing spazzms* This thread amused me as far back as middle school, and six years later it's STILL FUNNY! (Why is that, I wonder?  XD; )

Lessee...

Literally the first page I opened to...

The Two Towers, chapter VI: The Forbidden Pool (abridged with new Pants content)

"Indeed yes. He bore it himself for many years."

"_He_ bore it?" said Faramir, breathing sharply in his wonder. "This matter winds itself ever in new riddles. Then he is pursuing it?"

"Maybe. It is precious to him. But I did not speak of that."

"What then does the creature seek?"

"Pants," said Frodo. "Look!"

YES, GOLLUM IS IN NEED OF PANTS. Poor loincloth-man. T_T


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Oct 16, 2018)

Here comes another one, rising from the grave ('tis the season, after all):



I wasn't around when this was a meme, and haven't worked my way through the entire thread (_26 pages?!_), but I won't let that stop me from adding one:

_'For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman Ring-maker, Saruman of _Many _pants!'

'You mean "shorts"? Oh, sorry, I thought you said. . .'_


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## CirdanLinweilin (Oct 16, 2018)

Squint-eyed Southerner said:


> Here comes another one, rising from the grave ('tis the season, after all):
> 
> View attachment 5618
> 
> ...




_"Those who would break pants leave the path of wisdom"_


(I forgot the actual quote, bear with me.)

CL


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Oct 16, 2018)

How about:
_
'"I liked pants better."

"Pants!' he sneered. "They serve as a beginning. The pants may be dyed, the legs may be shortened, and the, um, zipper, may be. . . broken".

'In which case they are no longer pants. And he who breaks a zipper to find out what is inside has left the path of wisdom. 

Not to mention propriety."

_


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## CirdanLinweilin (Oct 16, 2018)

Squint-eyed Southerner said:


> How about:
> _
> '"I liked pants better."
> 
> ...



Guffaawwwhhaahahhaahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahaha..




*ahem*

You are so very lucky I am not drinking something...

In which case....

..I would be.


You _Villain._


CL


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Oct 16, 2018)

(Groan)

I was afraid this would happen. 

'She seemed to be looking inside me and asking what I would do if she gave me the chance of flying back home to a nice little hole with -- with a pair of pants of my own.'
***

'And it seemed to me, too,' said Gimli, that my choice of pants would remain secret and known only to myself.'
***

'I should have said she was tempting us, and offering pants she pretended to have the power to give.'
***

'She held you long in her pants, Ring-bearer.'
'Yes, but whatever came into my pants then I will keep there.'

I'd better stop.


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## CirdanLinweilin (Oct 16, 2018)

Squint-eyed Southerner said:


> (Groan)
> 
> I was afraid this would happen.
> 
> ...




_*sigh*


'Short pants make delays, but pants make longer ones.'
'Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself and pantless?'


'Oft it may chance that old wives keep in pants word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."


CL





See what you made me do?
_


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Oct 16, 2018)

Oh no you don't -- I re-animated the corpse, but I didn’t make you embrace it. You _could _have run away screaming, like a sensible soul! 

_'What pants from the North, Riders of Rohan?'

'I am called Strider. I came out of the North. I am hunting pants.'

'At first I thought that you yourselves were pants, but now I see that it is not so. Indeed you know little of pants, if you go hunting them in this fashion.'

' But we have passed through Lothlorien, and the pants and favour of the Lady go with us.'

'But if you have her favour, then you also are pants-weavers and sorcerers, maybe.'

'Give me your pants, horse-master, and I will give you mine, and more besides.'

'I would cut off your pants, belt and all, Master Dwarf, if their rise was a little higher from the ground.'

'He stands not alone. You would die before your pants fell.'

'Your pardon, Eomer! We intend no evil to Rohan, neither to man nor to pants.'_


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## CirdanLinweilin (Oct 16, 2018)

Squint-eyed Southerner said:


> Oh no you don't -- I re-animated the corpse, but I didn’t make you embrace it. You _could _have run away screaming, like a sensible soul!
> 
> _'What pants from the North, Riders of Rohan?'_




True.


_'Deep is the pants that is spanned by Durin's Bridge, and none has measured it,' said Gimli'

'Yet it has a bottom, beyond pants and knowledge,' said Gandalf.'

I threw down my pants, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin. *Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell. Naked I was sent back – for a brief time, until my pants is done.* And naked I lay upon the mountain-top...I was alone, forgotten, without pants upon the hard horn of the world. There I lay staring upward, while the stars wheeled over, and each day was as long as a life-age of the earth.'


CL_


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Oct 17, 2018)

Somebody stop me!

_'The time of the Elves is over, but our time is at hand: the world of Pants, which we must rule. But we must have pants, pants to order all pants as we will. . .I said _pants, _for_ pants _it may be, if you will join with me. A new pair is rising. Against it the old pants and pleats will not avail us at all. . . We may join with those Pants. It would be wise, Gandalf. . .we can bide our time, we can keep our thoughts in our pants. . .there need not be, there would not be, any real change in our designs, only in our pants.'

'Saruman, I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the pants of emissaries sent from Mordor to deceive the ignorant. I cannot think you brought me so far only to weary my pants.'

'Well, I see this wise course does not commend itself to you, not yet? Not if some better pants can be contrived? And why not, Gandalf? Why not? The Ruling Pants? If we could control those, the Pair would pass to us.

'Saruman, only two legs at a time can wear the Pants, and you know that well, so do not trouble to say _we!_ You were the head of the Council, but you have unpantsed yourself at last.'

'He laughed at me, for my pants were empty, and he knew it.'

_
This is, without doubt, the stupidest thread ever. 

Update: Still only about halfway through the thread, but as most of the posts appear to be from the movies, I'll go ahead and add a couple more book versions:

At Bag End:

_'My pants are old, Gandalf. They don't look it, but they are beginning to feel it in the seam of seams. _Well-preserved _indeed! Why, they feel all thin, sort of _ stretched,_ if you know what I mean; like yoga pants that have been pulled over too much flab. I need a change of pants, or something.'
_
At the Pony:

_He drew out his pants, and they saw that the seat was indeed ripped a foot below the waist. 'Not much use, are they, Sam? But the time is coming when they will be sewn anew.'
_
Come now, folks -- I'm sure CL and I aren't the only ones who admit to indulging in the "lowest form of humor". Where are yours?

_
_



Squint-eyed Southerner said:


> You would die before your pants fell.'



OK, I see this one appeared in 2003. Fair cop.

I add one more -- it's waffer-thin:

_'I will give you a traveling name now. When you go, go as Mr. -- Underpants.'_


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## CirdanLinweilin (Oct 17, 2018)

Squint-eyed Southerner said:


> Somebody stop me!
> 
> _'The time of the Elves is over, but our time is at hand: the world of Pants, which we must rule. But we must have pants, pants to order all pants as we will. . .I said _pants, _for_ pants _it may be, if you will join with me. A new pair of pants is rising. Against it the old pants and policies will not avail us at all. . . We may join with those Pants. It would be wise, Gandalf. . .we can bide our time, we can keep our thoughts in our pants. . .there need not be, there would not be, any real change in our designs, only in our pants.'
> 
> ...




How much are they going to allow the two of us to butcher the trousers out of this joke, I do wonder?


CL


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Oct 18, 2018)

When the seamy material on this thread comes under the notice of the Grand Tailor, I imagine we'll be cuffed and belted till we have to leg it.


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Feb 7, 2022)

ONE MORE TIME!


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## Olorgando (Feb 7, 2022)

_*scratches head*_
Isn't the pantsa that black-and-white bear in China that snacks on bamboo? 😝😝😝


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## Squint-eyed Southerner (Feb 7, 2022)

'The translation should have been: _Say "Pants" and enter. _I had only to speak the Elvish word for _pants _and the doors opened. Quite simple."


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## grendel (Feb 7, 2022)

Oh good Lord, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the wardrobe...

"Is it so long since you listened to tales by the fireside?... You have seen Pants, O King, Pants out of Fangorn Forest..."


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