# Creepy Dwarf Theory!



## YayGollum (Sep 24, 2002)

Okay, dudes, you know that only Dwarves can tell the difference between the males and the females of their race, right? Got it. Just making sure. 
So, if only Dwarves can tell the difference, do you think that they'd actually be stupid enough to have all the ladies cooking and cleaning and doing whatever else the ladies did back then in their caves? 
Well, I think that the dudes and the ladies would be a little more equal than in other races around in this time. sorry about that. 
Since there were a lot less lady Dwarves than there were Dwarf dudes, they would want to protect them, right? Right, but Dwarves are smart. They wouldn't hide them in the deepest caves all the time. They'd just act like they were just other dudes. Well, at least in front of other races. 
Am I right or am I stupid? Tell me now! oh well. 
Anyways, which of the thirteen Dwarves from this book do you think were actually ladies? Let me see here...Dora, Nora, or Ora? I'm sure there are others you can come up with.  

As an afterthought: What's with the WitchKing? Is he dude or a lady? If he's a dude, why isn't he called the WarlockKing? If he's a lady, wouldn't he be called the WitchQueen? oh well. Like I said, creepy!


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## Anamatar IV (Sep 24, 2002)

you have a twisted mind. Horrible thought. Dwarf ladies with long beards. I can see gloin as a she-dwarf  A witch doesnt have to be a girl. Lets see what old noah webster had to say about that:


> 1 : one that is credited with usually malignant supernatural power; a person practicing usually black witchcraft often with the aid of a devil.



I think thats the witch youre looking for. If you want something else...



> an ugly old woman



But theres also this



> a charming or alluring girl or woman



As for warlock:



> one who pratices the black arts under extremedies.


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## Jav (Sep 24, 2002)

There is no such thing as a man witch. It is called a warlock.


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## Popqueen62 (Sep 24, 2002)

or it would be called a wizard wouldn't it. Like Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and even there they call harry a wizard and hermione a witch. There was no warlock in that book, at least i don't remember it, i read the first one like 13 times.


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## YayGollum (Sep 24, 2002)

Well, I'm glad that people are noticing my little afterthought!  Anyways, Anamatar person, I didn't come up with the Dwarf ladies running around with beards idea. Blame Tolkien.   As to the WitchKing stuffs, I'm with Javlynn, and just can't figure out why this (presumed to be) guy would call himself a WitchKing. That's like saying, "Hi. I am the King of the Amazons." It's just crazy! oh well. Also, Ick. Evil hp! Whoops! *hides from the evil hp lovers*


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## Nenya Evenstar (Sep 24, 2002)

It seems to me that you're right about the dwarves, Yay. Outsiders could not really tell the difference between the lady dwarves and the men dwarves. The ladies didn't go out very much, but when they did they dressed and sounded just like the men dwarves. What about Milli, Rilli, ugh... Silly????? 

Don't know about the Witchking. Perhaps Tolkien did not really think about what he was naming the guy? I don't think he was into any of the witch stuff. Or else it could have been someone like Tar - you know the Dark Queen of Mordor and all... or else he just felt like adding another woman into his story...


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## YayGollum (Sep 24, 2002)

There we go. I'm glad somebody agrees with me about the Dwarves. Let me see here, we gots Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Fili, and Kili. I'd like to think that Thorin actually was a King under the Mountain.  oh well. I was just bored one day, and tried to come up with a bunch of lady names to stick into these other names. But still, if the Dwarves wanted to be even more secretive, there wouldn't even be a difference between male and female Dwarf names! Creepy!  

There we go. I'm glad that somebody thinks of my afterthought as just an afterthought! I don't really know, either. It's creepy, too. Scary sexuality problems.


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## Lord Aragorn (Sep 25, 2002)

Bad image... bearded dwarf women... Not the easiest on the eyes.


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## Nenya Evenstar (Sep 26, 2002)

Hey Yay - nice to know someone thinks at least somewhat like me.... 

Ummm... I'm sure the dwarf women were really nice! Besides, you aren't supposed to love someone for their looks. Who cares if a woman's got a beard if you love her? Hehehehe.... Just couldn't let that one slip me by!


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## YayGollum (Sep 27, 2002)

Right. The Dwarves are nothing like the evil superficial elves. They separated themselves by looks in the very beginning! oh well. When they met the Dwarves, they gave them the name Naugrim, which means Stunted People. Isn't that just evil? Well, yes, but oh well. Anyways, I guess I just wanted to get this creepy Dwarf theory out of my system.


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## mr underhill (Sep 27, 2002)

hmmmmm... this is a very serious issue almost as important as

what method does bilbo use to wash his socks.. lol..

anyway i just had a creepy thought about men being confused with women..

* shudders *


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## YayGollum (Sep 28, 2002)

Thanks, mr underhill dude.  I'm sooo happy that you think this was important.  But then, the Dwarves would be able to tell the difference. oh well.


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## Nenya Evenstar (Sep 30, 2002)

Would they? Sorry, couldn't resist!


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## Celebthôl (Oct 3, 2002)

I bet you cant guess the only dwarf woman ever metioned on record! no cheatin with the books now!

Jiff


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## Anárion (Oct 3, 2002)

I bet that the Dwarven men thought that the Dwarven women looked good in beards....(although that means the Dwarves are really screwed up...).
As for the Witchking, he wasnt just called the Witchking, he had the name of the Black Captain...and...umm....well he had other names and thats what matters.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 10, 2002)

well usee, the witchking was really a woman. she just knew she was so sexy but she thought the other nazgul were geeks so she didn't want them somming on to her. so the name combines her real sex (female = witch) and wut she wants ppl to think her sex is (male = king). 

and i think hte only female dwarf on record was fili or kili's mother. i can't remeber the name though. 

and gimli was really a girl dwarf. that's why him and legolas wanted all that "alone time." i mean it's like "i'll go look at those caves if u go through this forest." yup, sounds like a date to me.


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## YayGollum (Oct 11, 2002)

Ick. I wouldn't be surprised. Thanks, Ll12. I needed some good answers.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 11, 2002)

yah. i was in a weird mood last nite so i just went for it. LOL.


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## Anamatar IV (Oct 13, 2002)

KIMLI!!!! *shudders* gimli-kimli. How about Durin-Laurin. I dunno. Creepy dwarves. And ll12-please keep your twisted mind to yourself. There are kids...wait...no...let me take that back...there are ADULTS on this forum that cant take that!


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 13, 2002)

well if i'm 13 and i can handle it then i think htey can too.


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

me and my best friend keep dicussing why there arent female dwarves, and then we think "female dwarves? eeewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! who cares, anyway?" lol


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## Nenya Evenstar (Oct 14, 2002)

Actually, there are female dwarves.


> Dis was the daughter of Thrain II. She is the only dwarf-woman named in these histories. It was said by Gimli that there are few dwarf-women, probably no more than a third of the whole people. They seldom walk abroad except at great need. The are in voice and appearance, and in garb if they must go on a journey, so like to the dwarf-men that the eyes and ears of other people cannot tell them apart. This has given rise to the foolish opinion among Men that there are no dwarf-women, and that the Dwarves "grow out of stone."
> 
> It is because of the fewness of women among them that the kind of the Dwarves increases slowly, and is in peril when they have no secure dwellings. For Dwarves take only one wife or hunsband each in their lives, and are jealous, as in all matters of their rights. The number of dwarf-men that marry is actually less than one-third. For not all the women take husbands: some desire none; some desire one that they cannot get, and so will have no other. As for the men, very many also do not desire marriage, being engrossed in their crafts.


_ from Appendix A in "The Return of the King" _


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

scuse me while i BARF!!! lol


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## Snaga (Oct 14, 2002)

Kylie and Fylie, they were girls too, right?

Actually it all gets confusing. Galadriel seems to have had a thing for Gimli. If (s)he was a girl, then she was a lesbian. So is Celeborn a girl too?

Anyway, the 'Gimli is a girl' theory loses out to the 'Legolas is gay' theory as far as I'm concerned.


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

lol PLEEEEEAAAAASE tell me Legolas isnt gay!!!


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## YayGollum (Oct 14, 2002)

There we go. Thank you, crazy Nenya person! I was too lazy to write that thing down myself.  Anyways, Ick. Boo Legolas! *runs away*


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

~chases yayGollum~ how dare you say boo Legolas! you die now!


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## YayGollum (Oct 14, 2002)

How did I know that I should have run away? oh well. sorry about that. I don't see why people love Legolas so much. He's just another normal and boring elf. Never really does anything interesting. Ummm...yeah. We're still talking about the creepy Dwarf theory, though.


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## Nenya Evenstar (Oct 14, 2002)

You're welcome Yay! Anytime! *attempts to scare Yay but he's always scared so it doesn't really work like she wanted* 

Ack Snaga! Hmmm... I'm beginning to think that this thread should be re-named something along the lines of: "For those of you who have sick minds, come join!"  I wonder what Tolkien would think if he read this thread!


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

I think he would have a heart attack! lol


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## YayGollum (Oct 14, 2002)

Well, thank you so much. I just looove to hear that I could cause Gollum's creator a heart attack!  I just made this thread to get this crazy idea out of my head. Just like my crazy theory about where hobbitses came from. Do you people know it?


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

~looks scared~ um, no, and I have a feeling I dont want to!


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## Nenya Evenstar (Oct 14, 2002)

No, I don't know that theory... please, share! I love new and crazy theories that make no sense!


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

~starts screaming~ no! no! please no! Ive already been scared to death by the Witchking and dwarf theory, must you make it worse???? ~starts wimpering~


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## YayGollum (Oct 14, 2002)

Well, this is a very crazy one. It makes perfect sense to me, but most people hate it. oh well. It explains why Gollum called Frodo and sam nasssty. Okay, orcs came from elves, goblins are smaller orcs, hobgoblins are smaller goblins, and hobbitses are hobgoblins that became good. *heroic music in the background* I figured it out! oh well.


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

~screams bloody murder and goes into death convulsions~


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## Nenya Evenstar (Oct 14, 2002)

That's too funny!  How many of these theories do you have?


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## YayGollum (Oct 14, 2002)

*tries to ignore the crazed Legolas fan* I probably have more crazy theories. Can't remember any of them right now, though. oh well.


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## Snaga (Oct 14, 2002)

> _Originally posted by vigoldenflower _
> *lol PLEEEEEAAAAASE tell me Legolas isnt gay!!! *


 OK as you asked. 'Legolas isn't gay.' There I told you. But it doesn't alter the facts. Sorry!


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## Nenya Evenstar (Oct 14, 2002)

Think hard Yay, think hard! Veritas numquam perit.


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

> _Originally posted by snaga1 _
> *OK as you asked. 'Legolas isn't gay.' There I told you. But it doesn't alter the facts. Sorry! *



you mean person ~continues her death convulsions~


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 14, 2002)

as for how hobbits ar made ............

when a man and a woman hobbit love each other very much ...........

one time we had to do a poster for health and the titlewas "developing habits." but i spellied habits "habbits" and then we started talking about hobbits so i said "developing hobbits" and we started laughing so hard ..............LOL


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## Princess Vi (Oct 14, 2002)

OMG that is just TOO FUNNY!!!! I HAVE to tell my best friend!


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 15, 2002)

yah. i was like "developing hobbits" and then we laughed and we gotin trouble for "disturbing class"


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## Princess Vi (Oct 15, 2002)

well if you have to disturb class thats the best way to do it!~ lol


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## Legolas_lover12 (Oct 15, 2002)

yah and my friend had to go to the bathroom every day surring math class. and our teacher wouldn't let he go. so she would kick the seat in front of her the whole class period. then we would get in trouble cuz we're all laughing and giggling. LOL. and it was so funny cuz it was EVRY DAY!!!


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## Princess Vi (Oct 15, 2002)

lol! sounds like fun!


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## Popqueen62 (Oct 15, 2002)

that theory is awesome


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## Theoden (Oct 21, 2002)

My older sister was in the third grade and her two friends went to the bathroom during every class. When she had to go, the teacher was so tired of it, she told her she couldn't until the end of the class. Well, needless to say by the end of the class, my sister was not in good shape and the teacher was quite sorry for not letting her go. 

-me


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## Princess Vi (Oct 21, 2002)

................am I the only one here who felt no need to hear that?


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## Theoden (Oct 24, 2002)

I just thought it was funny and kind of in context with the conversation. Sorry if that offended you.


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## Princess Vi (Oct 26, 2002)

lol it didn't offend me I just really didn't feel the need to hear that


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## YayGollum (May 9, 2003)

This thread seems to me to be the Official Thread For The Tossing Of YayGollum's Insane Theories, so I thought I'd revive it. 

Another crazy thing about hobbitses ---> You know how lots of people seem to think that they're some kind of human? Well, even though I still love my elves ---> orcs ---> goblins ---> hobgoblins ---> hobbitses idea, this one sounds good, too. The Hobbit says that there were Beornings of all sizes, right? The Beornings and Gollum's type of hobbit both lived in the Vale of Anduin, right? There ya go. They're just a race of the smallest type of Beorning, but they forgot how to do turn into bears. Their feet stayed crazy looking, though. Also, the One Ring mutated Gollum. The One Ring works with the abilities people already have, right? So it just worked with the old abilities hobbitses used to have as Beornings and let him shift shape a little to fit his new surroundings. Doesn't that make all kinds of sense?


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## Anárion (May 9, 2003)

Ahhh....no, it doesnt accaulty....
Of course, I dont think it was suppose to..

Now, if I had just joined up 5 seconds ago, Id think you were crazy. But seeing as Ive been here before, I KNOW your crazy. Probably from the ring that mutated you eh? Hee hee hee


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## Moriquende (May 10, 2003)

Another theory about Hobbits' origin if you would have it...what if they are the offsprings of a lady dwarf and an elf?Imagine that couple running hand to hand amongst the trees...ahhh...
I think it does make sense cause hobbits have pointy ears right?and eat a lot (don't dwarfs eat a lot?yes they do) and about the hairy feet, well let's say that the beard hair found another place to grow...   (kind of disgusting isn't it?? )


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## YayGollum (May 10, 2003)

How does that not make sense, Anarion person? I explained it. oh well. Anyways, no, I don't think a Dwarf would do that. Those elves are too evil. *wonders if anyone will ever take him seriously*


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