# Teach me to be BRITISH!



## Wonko The Sane

Ok...so y'all have been doing an excellent job of trying to make me more English...so I decided to devote a thread to it...
Plus I'm bored.
I want you to post all the British idioms, phrases, and mannerisms you know...teach me! TUTOR ME!!

Oh...and no flirting. The mods don't like it when I do that...so don't tempt me!


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## Snaga

Lessons... and no flirting. I understand. Let me see...

(1) Ok... enquiring after someones health. Always a good and polite thing to do.

'How are you?' is the obvious, but rather formal way to do this. A more familiar 'You alright?' can be employed, which may even become 'Y'alright?' In fact, in some cases, you can get away with this as a greeting as well. Other phrases: 'Hows it going?' / 'How ya doing?' / 'Hows it hanging?' / How's tricks?

(2) Use of 'My love' and 'My dear'. This is often appropriate. You don't need to know the person to use these terms of affection. But dont sound too affectionate/enthusiastic if the person is not really your love. That would be wierd. Don't use it in a job interview / or with Customs Officers at the airport / similar.

(3) Talk about the weather. Always.


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## Khamul

You dont talk about football(soccer)?  What is there to say of the weather? "It's raining"?


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## Snaga

Things to say about the weather:

(1) Its raining

(2) Its not raining. Yet.

(3) Its raining cats and dogs

(4) Its pi$$ing it down outside

(5) I'm soaked

(6) Its sunny outside. OK ... just kidding

(7) Its raining but its only a sweet spring shower. Or thats what I thought when it started last week.

(8) Do you remember the last time it didnt rain?

(9) (in answer to previous) I'm sorry, but that made no sense to me at all.

(10) Its still raining.


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## Celebthôl

ROFLMAO Snaga that is probibly the truest 10 things i have ever heard said about england (and the funniest, u'r a real comedian)!

Yeah say somthing like "how S**T is this country"! when u step of the plane (you will when you see the rain that constantly falls) then turn around and refuse to get off the plane until u'r back in the US of A!
U "WILL" say it if u get here, believe me!
even board why would u want to be british nothing good here happens, except we wrote (erm i mean MR Tolkien wrote the best book on earth ever)!
I dont mean to disparage you though 

but on the up side, i live here yay!

Celeb


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## Wonko The Sane

Oh, Snaga, Snaga, Snaga...hehe.

Always good for a laugh...and erm...*covers mouth with hands*

Ok. So! I am quite well versed in the Ten Ways to Say It's Raining...because as I live in Seattle I know them ALL too well.  I LOVE the rain though, so I think I'm doing alright!

Hehe...And I LOVE the phrase, "How's tricks?" me mum (how did that sound?) made me stop saying it though because she thought it was dirty.
*squints at screen* I need glasses.


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## Snaga

Ah well then a revised 10 things for Wonks to say about the weather:

(1) Its raining. Yay!!!

(2) Its not raining. But it will soon! Woo hoooo! I can't wait!

(3) Its raining cats and dogs. But water would be so much better.

(4) Its raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring! (Traditional song)

(5) I'm soaked. I must be in a Hugh Grant movie

(6) Its sunny outside. OK... that was cruel. Sorry. Its raining beautifully.

(7) Oooh look at that rain. Its so romantic! * sigh *

(8) Do you remember the last time it didn't rain?

(9) (in answer to the previous) Don't say such horrible things!

(10) I'm singin' in the rain. *dance in puddle *

That so much more positive isnt it?


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## Wonko The Sane

I'm laughing so hard tears are coming out of my eyes!
Oh my goodness...it's funny...but that is SOOO me! I'm serious!!

Especially that "I'm soaked! I must be in a Hugh Grant movie!" That's SOOO something I'd say! 
And the "Do you remember the last time it didn't rain?" I'd MOST DEFINITELY say: "Don't say such horrible things!" And then the "It's raining...how romantic..*sigh*" I SAID THAT THIS MORNING!
AAH! ! 
Hehe...
You've read me like a book!


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## TheFool

RAIN 

If the rain comes they run and hide their heads.
They might as well be dead,
If the rain comes, if the rain comes.
When the sun shines they slip into the shade,
And sip their lemonade,
When the sun shines, when the sun shines.
Rain, I don’t mind,
Shine, the weather’s fine.
I can show you that when it starts to rain,
Everything’s the same,
I can show you, I can show you.
Rain, I don’t mind,
Shine, the weather’s fine.
Can you hear me that when it rains and shines,
It’s just a state of mind,
Can you hear me, can you hear me?


hehe good old John Lennon; we have to think positive, people!


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## Wonko The Sane

I DO think positive!
Didn't I just go ON and ON about how I love the rain!?

*looks out the window*

It GORGEOUS Today! Grey and misty and rainy!!

Oooh look at that rain. Its so romantic! * sigh *


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## FREEDOM!

Wonks trying to be British!?! Thats about the weirdest thing i've ever heard, the second wierdest thing is Wonks not flirting!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Wonko The Sane

*laughs @$$ off*

I'm having a horrible time not flirting! All the sexily accented men around here are just too tempting!!

But as for the British thing, I think I'm coming along quite nicely, thank you very much!

I'm just enamored of British culture...I want to be British! Is that so wrong?!!?


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## FREEDOM!

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> **laughs @$$ off*
> 
> I'm having a horrible time not flirting! All the sexily accented men around here are just too tempting!!
> 
> But as for the British thing, I think I'm coming along quite nicely, thank you very much!
> 
> I'm just enamored of British culture...I want to be British! Is that so wrong?!!? *




No, thats not wrong i just think it's funny, i'd like to be Scottish!!!

Maybe i can get Legolam to teach me to be Scottish!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Wonko The Sane

Yay! When I say British I don't mean JUST English...I mean all of those Great Britain-y places.  WEE!


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## Snaga

Hmm exclaiming 'Wee' like that could start arguments in Berwick Upon Tweed. The Scottish half would think you were talking about something small, where as the English half would think you were refering to going for a pee.

Wonks you really need to brush up on your '-or' endings... they have GOT to be '-our' or you'll never pass for British. Sorry.

Strider, are you really up for wearing a kilt, and drinking Irn-Bru? I'm just concerned that you may not be aware of the full implications of being Scottish.


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## Wonko The Sane

Most of the time I'm pretty good with -or words!
Colour..humour...um...our....


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## Wonko The Sane

biscuit=cookie
pants=underpants
boot=trunk (as in car)
bonnet=hood


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## Frodorocks

English:
anorak= hooded winter jacket
chemist= drugstore
trolley= shopping cart
auto= car
carpark= parking lot
chips= frenched fries
sweets= candy
crisps=chips
fizzy pop= soda
come a cropper= end up badly
dual carrige way= divided highway
fortnight= two weeks
lift=elevator
lorry= truck
football= soccer
American football= football
not cricket= not fair, not acceptable
pavement=sidewalk
wellies= rain boots
electric torch= flashlight
bog= toilet
rubber= eraser
Scots:
ain= one
ashet= large plate of meat
bairn or we'an= child
breeks= trousers
carnaptious= irratable
cloot= cloth
dowfie= sad
drouthy= thirsty
footery= intricate
glaikit= stupid
hame= home
ken= know
kirk= church
lum= chimmeny
moggie= cat
redd up= clean up
runkled= wrinkled
scunnered= to be sick of
thole= to put up with
wee= small
thot or yon= that
brae= hill


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## Legolam

Ohmigod. I actually say some of those things   The ones I have never said or heard:

ashet
carnaptious
cloot
dowfie
redd up
thole

But the rest are used! That's quite scary, it looks so bad when you write it down. Why does Strider(Aragorn want to be Scottish? It's a very bizarre thing to want to be, and Snaga's right about the awful consequences! For one thing, you might turn into the second TTF Scottish "femme-bot"!!!


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## Frodorocks

There's this camp I go to in Pennsylvania, that's an all boy's camp.(My parents work there I've been going since I was two years old.) Anyway, most of the staff at that camp are British or Scottish. So that's why I'm reading these books, so I can understand them and not be like "huh?" all the time. Who would'nt want to be Scottish? Scotland's beautiful! All of the green and hills and castles of Ireland (I love Ireland!) but without this one idiot I know who lives there. And then I'd be in the U.K with all of my people from camp, I miss them so much! Legolam, do you wish that Scotland was free from England?


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## Celebthôl

Snags a bit l8 but still ROFLMAO you have to have won the award of funniest person on this forum! when it comes to the weather anyway!

Celeb


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## Wonko The Sane

I second that! I showed the list for Wonks to say about the weather to my grandpa because it's been foggy and rainy all weekend and I've been thrilled and he jsut laughed.
He said I had clever friends. 
Being complimented by my granddad is the best compliment in the world.
Feel honored, Snags.


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## Gary Gamgee

> _Originally posted by Frodorocks _
> *English:
> anorak= hooded winter jacket
> chemist= drugstore
> trolley= shopping cart
> auto= car
> carpark= parking lot
> chips= frenched fries
> sweets= candy
> crisps=chips
> fizzy pop= soda
> come a cropper= end up badly
> dual carrige way= divided highway
> fortnight= two weeks
> lift=elevator
> lorry= truck
> football= soccer
> American football= football
> not cricket= not fair, not acceptable
> pavement=sidewalk
> wellies= rain boots
> electric torch= flashlight
> bog= toilet
> rubber= eraser
> Scots:
> ain= one
> ashet= large plate of meat
> bairn or we'an= child
> breeks= trousers
> carnaptious= irratable
> cloot= cloth
> dowfie= sad
> drouthy= thirsty
> footery= intricate
> glaikit= stupid
> hame= home
> ken= know
> kirk= church
> lum= chimmeny
> moggie= cat
> redd up= clean up
> runkled= wrinkled
> scunnered= to be sick of
> thole= to put up with
> wee= small
> thot or yon= that
> brae= hill *



just wan scots word ye missed oot

midden=(please somebody esle explain)


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## Nimawae's hope

Oh goody!!! I get to learn how to speak British AND Scottish. I'm such a lucky little American girl.


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## Wonko The Sane

HEY! This is MY British lesson!! Get your own!! 

It greatly amuses me that "rubber" means eraser...here rubber does NOT mean eraser...*giggles*


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## FREEDOM!

Well, i tried to make a thread and have scottish lessons but it got deleted.!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, this is our lessons Wonks!!!!!!!


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## Tar-Ancalime

"Wallace, Wallace,Wallace"

 , O wrong thread sorry


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## Legolam

> just wan scots word ye missed oot
> midden=(please somebody esle explain)


 OK, I'll do it

A midden, in the strictest sense of the word, is a rubbish heap, or somewhere you dump household refuse. However, it's generally used to mean somewhere that's a mess, preferably an unhygienic mess

eg Your bedroom's a midden! Clean it up now or I won't let you on the Internet (every parent's favourite punishment for an untidy room!)


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## Snaga

> _Originally posted by Nimawae's hope _
> *Oh goody!!! I get to learn how to speak British AND Scottish. I'm such a lucky little American girl. *


 Scotland is PART of Britain. So it would be English and Scottish probably. But that error is so typically English, that I nominate Nim to be an honarary English gal!

BTW... noone ever wants to be Welsh, look you!


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## Celebthôl

Well now ya got a funny Welsh dragon called smaug he lives in some mountain there lol and eats ya sheep! i got him to join 2-day he's a m8 o mine he also likes LOTR but not as much as us!


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## Wonko The Sane

How can Nim be the honorary Brit? I'M the honorary Brit damnit!!

And I even knew what a midden was!!! SO THERE!

And btw STrider(Aragorn...NO!!! This is MY lesson! They deleted yours...it must've been pants...
So now this is mine! Because it's NOT pants...it's ACE! So...go be...American somewhere else!!



Hmm...I want to know if someone knows the conversion between pounds and dollars. I'm going to start quoting prices in pounds now.


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## FREEDOM!

Ohh don't get your panties in a wad Wonks, we can share!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Wonko The Sane

No! We can't!!!


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## Frodorocks

Warning level 6?!  Watch it Wonks!  I know, the whole "rubber" thing is really funny. I was in the Art room once at camp, and this one English guy I know is like, "Where do you keep the rubbers?" and that was before I knew the Queen's English ( almost said "English" but I did know English, obviously) so I just looked at him really funny, but then I figured out what he was talking about so 
I'm like, "Let me tell you what rubbers are here in America." Then he was like oh, I'll say erasers from now on. It was funny.


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## Celebthôl

way to sock it to um Wonks


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## Nimawae's hope

> _Originally posted by snaga1 _
> *Scotland is PART of Britain. So it would be English and Scottish probably. But that error is so typically English, that I nominate Nim to be an honarary English gal!
> 
> BTW... noone ever wants to be Welsh, look you! *



*GASP* D you mean it!?! Oh my GOSH!!! How lucky can I get!!! 
*Calms down a bit* I thank you for so great an honour. I shall never be able to repay you. My happiness is complete. 
*Turns to Wonks* Calm down now.....I promise I won't hog anything...at least I'll try not to. 
Besides I thought you liked me better than that!!


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## Wonko The Sane

I do...but if I share my honorary English status I might have to share my English men too...and I'm quite selfish when it comes to sexily accented boys!!!


And actually Frodorocks, the 2 extra warning points came from spamming.
I don't understand how I can get spamming points when others don't. I'm not as bad as a LOT of people!!

*sighs* They must hate me...or maybe they're jealous because I'm such a fox.  Just kidding!

I know I've kind of been out of line..but it's still kind of unexpected...*scratches head* I thought that on the whole I was being pretty good!

But...hmm...I don't think I can convert dollars to pounds in my head...it's pretty tough.


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## Legolam

$1.5 = £1

Divide by 3 and multiply by 2

It's the same for Euros to pounds by the way. Pretty cool!

Ooooh, and thank you Snaga for pointing out the British/Scottish thing. I got accused the other day of being too patriotic so I'm not ever going to talk about stuff like that again


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## Nimawae's hope

Ok Wonks. Generally speaking, I'll live the men to you. Unless of course they come looking for me. In that case, I can't help it! 
Careful about stacking up those points. We don't want you to have to leave!!

Funny you should mention the conversion of pounds to dollars. I was trying to figure that out just the other day!!
By the way Legolam, where have you been? I haven'y seen you much lately......but then I dont think that I've been getting around to well lately


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## Wonko The Sane

I've been getting around lately! BOY have I ever! *giggles*

Thanks for the conversion, Legolam! I totally appreciate it!!

Hehe. Now that we know the conversion factor I'd like to take the time to say that airfare from Seattle to London is 300-800 dollars, and Merry came up with a BRILLIANT idea for the British army to chip in for a ticket so I can come visit. 
Discuss!


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## Nimawae's hope

Holy cow!!!! Can the British army pitch in a bit more to get me there?  It's certainly no gloomier there than it is here right now. In fact, I'm getting quite pale from lack of sun.

And Wonko, we don't want to know how you've been getting around.....LOL!!


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## tookish-girl

Here's another little English thing we've missed out on so far:

Saying the most obvious thing in the world and having repetive conversations about it.
Examples:

1) "It's raining"
"Yes, it is, isn't it?"
"Yes, I'm all wet"
"Me too"
"Must be the weather"
"I agree"

2) "You've had your hair cut!"
"Yes, I know."
"It's shorter than before isn't it?"

3) "You're very tall" 
No response needed, often used as a greeting at family occasions.


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## Legolam

> 3) "You're very tall"
> No response needed, often used as a greeting at family occasions


 Class! It's so true!!



> By the way Legolam, where have you been


 Where do you look for me NH? You always seem to lose me, when I'm here all the time!


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## Wonko The Sane

I'm sorry, Nim. You can't come. You've not been invited! Besides, where would you stay?
I've already got my temporary English residence lined up! You'd need to arrange that on your own!!
Besides...I'm WONKS! Honorary Brit! I'll go out there before you do!
*feels strangely competitive because of her intense and burning desire to travel overseas*

And AAH! Tookish! That's hilarious!  I love that! You're hilarious! 


> 1) "It's raining"
> "Yes, it is, isn't it?"
> "Yes, I'm all wet"
> "Me too"
> "Must be the weather"
> "I agree"
> 
> 2) "You've had your hair cut!"
> "Yes, I know."
> "It's shorter than before isn't it?"
> 
> 3) "You're very tall"



The theme here seems to be that the British have a knack for pointing out the obvious!  That's me to the letter! My family and friends are always calling me on it when I point out the blatantly obvious.
"You're very tall" is something I say to my friends John and Matt quite often! Although it's sometimes "You're quite tall" and sometimes just "You're tall".  They're like, "Yes! Go Emilie! Way to point out the obvious."
 Hehe. Ok. No more typing for me. I think I should go hang out at the airport and hope someone give me their tickets so I can come to England!

Meet you guys in Heathrow in like 16 hours ok?


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## Nimawae's hope

Yes I think I have an odd habit of losing track of you. I simply don't look in the right places. Very sad.....forgive me for rambling....I've just missed picking on you.......it's been far too long!! 


*Raises eyebrows at Wonks' strange competitiveness* OK! Jeez, I'll leave you to your...uh....devices......shhhhhh...For now anyway. But beware, I shall invade your little slice of heaven before long. Guess I'll just have to work a little harder on that financial aid before I can get to Britain.


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## Wonko The Sane

Oh fine...you can come if you want...

*grumbles* =]

I can't WAIT to get to England!!! 

Hey, what's the British word for Zuchini again?


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## Nimawae's hope

Hehehehe!!! YEAH!!!! I won!!! I guess.....hmmm....I still don't see myself getting over there anytime soon. I think I've said it before, but I haven't even gotten out of this bloody state in I don't know how long!!!

I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!!!....hmmmm.....  A very long holiday, and I don't suspect I shall return.     

Zucchini? *Grumble...don't remember how to spell it* I don't recollect exactly what the word is. Sorry!


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## Wonko The Sane

I think it starts with a C...

HURRY BRITISH PEOPLE! HELP!!!


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## Nimawae's hope

Wonko. A very sad thing has happened. All the lovely British people have abandoned us. Now we are all alone in the cold cruel world.

I weep with sorrow.


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## Wonko The Sane

Not ALL of them! I have the text messages to prove it! 

We'll just wait for them, ok? In silence...we don't want to spam up this thread.
*waits in silence*


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## Nimawae's hope

*Likewise waits in silence....until Monday*


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## Snaga

Courgette, is the word you are looking for.

Anyway... as this thread is likely to be regarded as close to spam, but we Brits, honorary Brits, nearly Brits and general anglophiles like to talk to each other, I had an idea. I thought I might start a Prancing Pony Thread, that would be the 'British Army Barracks Tea-room'... then thats all in-character stuff, and so the mods will be OK with it (I think).

I'm in a hurry tho, so it will have to be later...


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## Wonko The Sane

Yes that's it!! Courgette...what an AWFUL/AWESOME word for Zuchinni...Zuchinni is soo much fun to say but so is COURGETTE.
Speaking of which I make an EXCELLENT Zuchinni bread.  

Your Prancing Pony idea is ACE, btw...I just wish these mods wouldn't go around deleting my threads so much.
They're pointless...but I LIKE them!!


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## Nimawae's hope

Great idea!!!!! Do it as quickly as you can! I enjoy senseless chatter. It really does the soul good. Especially when you spend the rest of your life thinking way too hard!

So is it going to be in the Prancing pony? Let me know when it has been started!


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## Snaga

acksherly they seem to have moved the pubs into Stuff and Bother now... not sure why. No matter.


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## Wonko The Sane

I've noticed that...

Maybe you'd better get onto posting that pub for us though!! Can I be the bartender? I LOVE writing descriptions of mixing up drinks?


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## Snaga

Of course you can. Tis done! Enjoy!


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## Wonko The Sane

*runs off to be a stoopid little elf elsewhere*


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## Nimawae's hope

*Runs after Wonko, but soon gets lost.*

AURRGGHH!!! WHERE AM I!!!!


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## Wonko The Sane

Stay in Stuff and Bother, go to "The British Army Barracks and Tea-Room".  

Better, Nim?


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## Nimawae's hope

Ah yes. I feel much better now! *Relaxes* Gosh! Maybe I relaxed a little too much. *Falls asleep standing up*


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## Wonko The Sane

I think this thread might be dead...can't be sure though.

Let's test it...*knocks on thread and it falls over*
Yeah..it's dead.


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## Snaga

Yes, and you know why? I have finally heard the famed English accent of Wonks. And I can officially tell you that you pass the test! Completely convincing (if ever so slightly Emma Thompson). Congratulations... you need no more lessons! You may now emigrate, whenever you are ready!

Oh but the cookie / biscuit thing... yeah that's important. You gotta get that right but shhhhh!


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## Wonko The Sane

I DO get it right!! But maybe I need a bit more schooling. You can instruct me all you want, just so long as I get to eat the cookies and biscuits afterwards!

And yay for my accent! I'm so proud of it! I don't think it's that good, but I'm so pleased that you do!  Yay!

Anyway, I think just talking to Snags all the time has British-ized me a lot. I say "mum" all the time now, and the other day I said "Uni" and "car park" without even realising it. My friends had a good laugh about that one.
Oooh, and look! I spelled realized with an s up there! Watch me go!!


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## Nimawae's hope

You're a bit too excited about this whole thing.....ok....maybe not. Congrats Wonks! When will I know that I have passed the test, Snaga? Do I actually have to speak to one of you in person? (That'll be rather hard!)

I'm getting better at using those British terms myself....my friends and family find it way too amusing.


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## Snaga

Well, Wonks did so thats how I know she passed. Hmmm.... I will have to devise a different test for you Nim. Let me think about it.


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## Wonko The Sane

I'll help you think about it! Now that I've passed this course I'm qualified to do these things you know. *turns to her delectable English English tutor* We'll need lots of quiet alone time in a darkened room to think of this one!!


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## tookish-girl

Okay Wonko, check out this site:

http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/

Nice Cup of Tea and A Sit Down .Com!!!!!

All you need to know! Make it your home page! Oh, and especially look at the mission statement! Enjoy! Lovely!


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## Wonko The Sane

I loved it! That sight was nice. 

So funny.  Lovely! *sits down and has a cup of tea*


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## Nimawae's hope

Hello Tookish! Nice to see you again! How's uni in America going? Better of worse than at home?


Wonks, I don't care how you two come up with the test....just don't take too long. Oh, and tell me what I need to study!


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## Wonko The Sane

Study:

Words that Brits use that Americans don't.

Cute pictures of Hugh Grant...

*can't think of anything else*

Um...it's all your Snaga!


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## Snaga

OK here's a quiz for you...

1. Explain the following phrases:
a. you are taking the mickey
b. he is a minger
c. Fred grassed me up
d. Bung me a few more quid to make it a round pony

2. Place in order of campness:
a. Julian Clary
b. Vinny Jones
c. Michael Barrymore
d. David Beckham

3. Place the same list in order of who's party you would most go to

4. Where are THE places to go with '00s of others:
a. On New Years Eve
b. On Mid Summers Night
c. To watch cricket
d. Go to a music festival

5. Explain the difference between English and American pronunciation of:
a: Basil
b: Oregano
c: Tomato
d: Pasta

6. Why are these dates significant? (Bonus mark for correct identification of the most important)
a: 1066
b: 1215
c: 1588
d: 1966

7. Translate into English English:
a: Sidewalk
b: Football
c: Vest and pants 
d: Zuchini

8. Butlins
a. What is Butlins? 
b. Describe a typical person associated with it. 
c. Give the associated catchphrase. 
d. Give an opinion of the TV show that bears the same name.

9. Which cities are these bands from?
a. The Beatles
b. Oasis
c. The Specials
d. UB40

10. What would you consume in/from:
a. A chippy
b. A greasy spoon
c. Your local
d. A batch bar

Best of luck. Some of these are quite difficult.


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## Legolam

Wow, Snags, those are difficult! Even I couldn't get some of them . Although I did like question 2!! Do people have to post their answers here so we can laugh, or are they PMing you? And is PM a verb???


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## Snaga

I guess Goldie should be the first to post a reply as she's sitting the test. Other people can pm me. Then I can post them, so we can have a laugh!


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## Wonko The Sane

Hehe. I'm NOT taking that test! I've already been passed and I don't want to betray my ignorance!!!


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## Snaga

I see NOONE wants to take that test. The pass mark is set quite low.. only 50%. Maybe the Brits should take the test just to see if they are REALLY Brits, cos maybe some of them are faking it!

Ack! Or is the problem that I said that _Goldie_ was taking the test when of course I meant _Nim_. Stupid me * thwacks head *


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## Wonko The Sane

I'll take your stupid test to appease you, but I shall fail miserably!!

Just you watch as I prove how woefully inadequate I am when it comes to knowledge of British culture and stuff!

*goes off to e-mail the crazy orc and says she'd better get a big thank you for this*

Alright I sent it....I TOTALLY failed.

*hates England* They're not going to let me in now are they?!


----------



## Snaga

Wonks passed. She just scraped 50% - the bare minimum! So Yay Wonks!


----------



## Celebthôl

wait a minute do i read right?!
Did the all exhaulted Wonks finally admit that Englands is rubbish and that she hates it?!
i believe so!

*hates England* They're not going to let me in now are they?!
posted by Wonks

haha yeah ya did and yeah ya do!

Thôl


----------



## Snaga

I'd be pretty confident that Wonks will wish to qualify those remarks.... Just a wild guess!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Thank you, dear. I do! *qualifies her remarks*

I don't hate England...I lurve England.  I hate England's immgration laws, and I hate England's stupid visa applications, and I hate England's study abroad applications, and I hate England's hating of me and not letting me into the country, and I hate England's refusal to let me quietly move in even though I'm "adorable" (or so I've been told...) and I hate that England is so darn far away...

But England itself I love. Might want to move there, in fact.


----------



## Celebthôl

*cough*bull $h!T*cough*

you will dont want to move here, all the bad things you said IS england and describes england 100%

Thôl


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I really DO want to move there. You hush your English mouth or I'll hush it for you!


----------



## Snaga

I can also announce that Legolam passed, with a comfortable 61%.

* waits patiently for Nim *


----------



## Snaga

*More test results!*

This is funny... 

Celebthol failed! Yay! Only 48%! 

Oops... Celebthol, you need to get on the next plane out! Hehe!


----------



## Celebthôl

oh but come on my answers we're funny i have to get some marks for that?! and thanx for broadcasting my dumbness over the forum  hehe j/k, yeah im dumb wonks me n u swap now!

Thôl


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Yay!!!! I've gotta get a passport, and I have to wait at least 13 days, but after that we can swap at your leisure, ok?!

And um...I think you should make a new test cos I think I can do way better than 50 percent!!!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

WAH!!!!! I have not idea. I'm gonna flunk....I need more lessons......for pity's sake I just got out of finals. I don't know if my brain is going to do anything for me!! 
Alright, I'll try....but don't anyone make fun of me!

1a You're acting really weird
1b He's an old miser
1c Fred got me drunk (or maybe high?)
1d Bring me a few more drinks, so I can get completely drunk

2 (in order) c,a,d,b

3 d,a,c,b

4a To a huge party
4b To a pub
4c A cricket stadium
4d An open air field

5a Americans: bay'-zil. English: bah'-sil
5b American: o-ray'-ghan-o. English: o-rahg'-ano
5c American: toe-may'-toe. English: toe'-mah'-toe
5d American: pah'-stah. English: pah'-stah (No difference except for the English accent)

6a Norman Conquest (William the Conqueror took the crown after Edward the Confessor's death).
6b Magna Carta signed by King John (English barons forced him to do it). (Is this the most important?)
6c Spanish Armada sank off the coast of Britain.
6d uh....There was a division of British evangelicals.....I don't know

7a Terrace
7b Cone tossing or do you just call it stupid?
7c undercoat? and trousers
7d (I can't remember!) 

8a It is an annoying person who causes trouble?
8b An especially irritating uncle (this is getting ridiculous!)
8c Anybody know what the bloody heck this is!!
8d It's the worst show I ever saw

9a London
9b London
9c London 
9d London
(I'm telling you I've never heard of three of these guys....I don't know!)

10a (huh?) Candy
10b Greasy junk food like hamburgers and fries
10c local pub
10d cafeteria food!?!


WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! This is one of the most painful experiences I've ever had to go through!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Actually you probably did better than I did...as I didn't get any of history questions..
Not that I didn't know them..just that I seriously can't remember dates...

*looks at Snaga* How old are you again? *scratches head and struggles to remember your birthday*

I'm going to ask Snaga for permission to grade you on this.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Oh good.....please do. I want to know how terribly I've done. I don't need to get any gray hairs from anxious wondering about my grade.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

_Originally posted by Nimawae's hope _
WAH!!!!! I have not idea. I'm gonna flunk....I need more lessons......for pity's sake I just got out of finals. I don't know if my brain is going to do anything for me!! 
Alright, I'll try....but don't anyone make fun of me!

1a You're acting really weird--You're mocking someone
1b He's an old miser--He's disgusting looking
1c Fred got me drunk (or maybe high?)--Fred told on me
1d Bring me a few more drinks, so I can get completely drunk--Loan me a few more pounds to make it an even 25

2 (in order) c,a,d,b--a, c, d, b (I believe Snaga scored these individually...)

3 d,a,c,b--This is purely subjective but suggsted answer from me would be...a, d, b, c, Snaga said something about Michael Barrymore's guests ending up dead in swimming pools

4a To a huge party--Edinburgh with Legolam and the British Army!
4b To a pub--Stonehenge
4c A cricket stadium--Lord's Cricket Ground
4d An open air field--Glastonbury or perhaps Reading. There are others

5a Americans: bay'-zil. English: bah'-sil--correct
5b American: o-ray'-ghan-o. English: o-rahg'-ano--correct on the the American, English is "Oh-ray-GONE-o"
5c American: toe-may'-toe. English: toe'-mah'-toe--Correct
5d American: pah'-stah. English: pah'-stah (No difference except for the English accent)--Correct on American (paw-stuh), incorrect on English (Pa-stah)

6a Norman Conquest (William the Conqueror took the crown after Edward the Confessor's death).--Correct, Battle of Hastings
6b Magna Carta signed by King John (English barons forced him to do it). (Is this the most important?)--Correct
6c Spanish Armada sank off the coast of Britain.--Correct
6d uh....There was a division of British evangelicals.....I don't know--England won World Cup Football match

7a Terrace--pavement
7b Cone tossing or do you just call it stupid?--American Football
7c undercoat? and trousers--Jacket and trousers
7d (I can't remember!) --Courgette! *swoons*

8a It is an annoying person who causes trouble?--A cheap holiday camp
8b An especially irritating uncle (this is getting ridiculous!)--A red coat
8c Anybody know what the bloody heck this is!!--"Hi-di-hi"
8d It's the worst show I ever saw--Pretty much. Snaga's exact words were="Unadulterated crap

9a London--Liverpool
9b London--Manchester
9c London --Coventry
9d London--Birmingham
(I'm telling you I've never heard of three of these guys....I don't know!)--Never heard of them!?!? You should know ALL Of them! You should lose points for that!!!

10a (huh?) Candy--Fish and chips
10b Greasy junk food like hamburgers and fries--That will do. Cooked breakfasts would be even better
10c local pub--Correct
10d cafeteria food!?!--Fish Rolls and sandwhiches..



Now to tally up! I don't know if Snags gave partial credit but I didn't.
Cos you should KNOW the American pronounciation so that shouldn't earn you points...

So 10/40...25%...ok so you DIDN'T Do better...

You need your OWN English English tutor! Like me!!!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

*sigh* I haven't been this depressed in a long time. Well, at least nobody can get me on the history part (Excluding the World cup). The only band that I knew of was the Beatles.....and maybe I've heard of Oasis somewhere. I don't pay much attention to modern musicians. 25%!!!!  
Ok is there any lovely Englishman out there who would have any interest in tutoring me? I'm desperate!


----------



## legoman

Hey snaga I think you're eing a bit harsh in a lot of this, I mean half of what you're putting out there is a slang. I'm not sure whether you should be teaching that or teaching queens english, Still butlins, hohoho.



keep up the good educational work, I'll check back later.

Legoman - 'English gentleman' (as the posh drunk man in the pub called me last night, good 'ole sammy)

oh and Nimawae, the world cup of 66 is the ONLY thing you need to know about history to be english!!! you know that and you pass automatically!


----------



## Isilme

What happened in the World Cup of 66??


----------



## Khamul

England won the World Cup.  England's 4-2 victory over
West Germany in the 1966 World Cup Final. England defeated Argentina and Portugal on their way to the final.  (And I am an American)


----------



## Legolam

And I thought this was the one place I was safe from hearing about that match. It's just ONE football game in history!!!!! It was 46 years ago!!!! But I'm not bitter ....


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Hmmm....you're not bitter eh? Oh well! I'm afraid I don't keep up too well on sports (whether it's soccer or anything else).

Is anyone out there interested in tutoring me!?!
*Hears an echo* Oh....I guess not.....*SIGH*


----------



## TheFool

boy am I tempted to post the lyrics for '3 Lions'!


----------



## Isilme

Gee, I don't know that song either....

I really have to ask a stupid question, is it true you all have tea and a cookie in the afternoon. And is it a big thing??


----------



## Legolam

English people have tea and BISCUITS at any opportunity. It's ridiculous how much tea they get through . I swear my flatmate will turn into a teabag soon.

Ah yes, 3 lions, that wonderfully lyrical song. Personally I preferred Vindaloo, with it's rendition of ENG-GER-LAND at the end. Kinda sums it all up.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Why doesn't america get any recent episodes of changing rooms on the BBC America channel?


----------



## Snaga

I really don't know but Changing Rooms is really not the greatest TV export from England. You should check out 'Absolutely Fabulous'. Much funnier!

By the way I saw an Aussie version of Changing Rooms and the designers are really disturbing, and their 'Handy Andy' was a total bimbo. The real Handy Andy is so much better...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Yes!! Absolutely Fabulous is SOOO awesome!!!

My dad has the entire thing on DVD and when I took Snaga to meet him we watched one!  SOOO funny!! It was the one with the Iso-Tank and the Romanian babies! SOOO Funny!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

O comedy central as Absolutely Fabulous...also my good buddy andrew likes "Coupling" and that talk show with the irish dude.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

I've never actually seen that show.....hehe.....have to be kinda careful of those sort of things in my house......there are very small children that I must do my best to not totally mess up their heads.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

My "buddy" Andrew likes "Coupling" as well. *giggles at the double entendre* And there's a marathon on BBC America this week and I'm going to watch it!

Also, I've gotten through the season two DVD of Ab Fab! And it's soo funnny!


----------



## Snaga

Tar did you mean Graham Norton? 

I hope so and not (for example) Terry Wogan. Actually I dont think they let him have his own show any more. *cringes*

Graham Norton is hilarious, but definitely unsuitable for small children! He takes it upon himself to make the world aware of the more bizarre aspects of the internet. Scary!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Snag its grahm norton....

and....I made a disgusting double entendre...i didn't even mean too...and know i dont mean that


----------



## Wonko The Sane

No...I made the double entendre...it was shamless...

And I'm glad that it was duly ignored by the appropriate parties or I would be in trouble on SOO many levels!!

So Graham Norton was on last night, but I was watching Primal Fear. That's a good movie.

I want to watch the silly Coupling Marathon but I can't figure out what day it's on this week!


----------



## Aulë

Naughty Wonko- double posting, tsk tsk.... 

I honestly don't know what all this fuss is about, who would want to be a pom??

Anyway, check this out- a site made up with British humour:
http://www.rathergood.com


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Snaga gave me a book (Which is now being held as a Prisoner of War in Bellevue's own version of the Hanoi Hilton) called "The Xenophobe's Guide to the English"

It was really funny cos I pointed to that cover and I was like, "What's that paddle thing?"

And Snaga got all offended and shocked and was like, "That's a cricket bat!!!!!!"


----------



## Aulë

.........

That is terrible Wonks!

You have just insulted every English, Australia, South African, Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan, New Zealander, West Indian, Bangladeshi, Scottish, Canadian, Namibian, Zimbabwean, Kenyan and Netherlands person on the forum!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Yeah...and Snaga wasn't too impressed with me either.


----------



## Aulë

I don't blame him...

That's like us pointing to a Grid Iron ball and asking what it is.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

What IS a Grid Iron ball?

(Note: I didn't know what the ball on the cover was either. And I can't even remember. I think it was a cricket ball.)


----------



## legoman

did it look small, red and have a seam of stitching along it??

if so it probably was a cricket ball!!!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Maybe...I'll ask Snaga.

He says it was.


----------



## Scatha

This is going to be easy, to teach wonks to be british. 

*hands her a bowler hat, umbrella, then adds a stiff upper lip*

There you go, nearly done. 

*slaps a tweed skirt and matching jacket on wonks for good measure*

*DONE!* 


Seriously though, I work for HP and do customer services for the UK. Do you have any idea what a handful these english customers are?


----------



## Wonko The Sane

No. Tell us.

Anyway I already am unofficially British.
I passed Snaga's test.

And soon enough I'll be a real English citizen as well.


----------



## legoman

Wow, HP, do you know what they put into their famous brown sauce then??? 


hehehe.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I assume by HP you don't mean Hewlett Packard?


----------



## Aulë

HP Sauce is an English steak sauce. HP stands for Houses of Parliament.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Oh...
Ok.
And that's another reason I shouldn't be allowed into that country.
I'm woefully stupid about EVERYTHING to do with it!


----------



## legoman

Haha, you'll learn.

HP sauce is usually put on bacon rolls. but I do prefere Ketchup myself. And I hate Mustard, however english it is, its still gross!!!

ah, the houses of parliament, I wanna go to london!!!!!!
Damn it, my sister lives ona boat in sheffield, my other sister is currently in Madrid for a few days.
My parents are going to rotterdam tonight.
Guess what I'm doing????
I'm in the library, then I'm goin home, I have to go food shopping later and then at 9am tomorrow I have boring lectures!!
Thats so unfair!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I'm going to be in London soon!

And then I'll be in Coventry for a while.


----------



## Dragon

hey snaga and other people who might know....

does n e 1 know about (I'm not sure how to spell or say this, so please don't hurt me) **** me rhyme me slang? ( I think that's right.....)

if so, please tell all........


----------



## Wonko The Sane

C0ckney rhyming slang?

We've talked about it in another thread.
Snaga and Legoman know some I think. 

The only one I remember is Legoman saying he was going to go take a Christopher...


----------



## legoman

haha, yeah good old rhyming slang, if you can't find the other thread, here is a brief history:
London some point in the past:
Robbers and thieves are rubbish and keep getting caught by the local bobbies (police). so they decide to invent a way of speaking to each other that the police will not understand. They invented cockney rhyming slang, where commonly known phrases, usually two or three words long are used to describe words which rhyme with the last word of the phrase eg:
apples and pears = stairs
but in the slang you only say apples, so no one has a clue what you are talking about cos that bit doesn't rhyme.
trouble and strife = wife 
etc

Theres loads but people invent their own all the time. Its not used so much now except in some areas of london they might use some of the more common ones like the ones above or 'dog(and bone)' = phone and by people like me who think its great.


----------



## Frodorocks

It is great. 
Old skin and blister-sister
Gregory Peck-check
plates of meat-feet
loaf of bread-head
butcher's hook-take a look


----------



## moon cloud

having a bubble=having a laugh (having a bubble BATH, having LAUGH, geddit?)
boat race=face
bristols=breasts (bristol cities, titties you see)< my fave!


----------



## Aulë

OK, here's a few 
A 

Abergavenny ............................. Penny
Ace Of Spades ........................... AIDS
Adam And Eve ............................ Believe
Airs And Graces ......................... Braces
Airs And Graces ......................... Faces
Airs And Graces ......................... Races
Alan Whickers ........................... Knickers
Alderman's Nail ......................... Tail
All Afloat .............................. Coat
All Time Loser .......................... Boozer (Heavy Drinker)
Alligator ............................... Later
Almond Rock ............................. Frock
Almond Rocks ............................ Socks
Alphonse ................................ Ponce
Andy Cain ............................... Rain
Anna Maria .............................. Fire
Apple Core .............................. Score (Twenty Pounds)
Apple Fritter ........................... Bitter (Beer)
Apples And Pears ........................ Stairs
April Fool .............................. Stool
April Fool .............................. Tool
April Fools ............................. Football Pools
April Showers ........................... Flowers
Aris .................................... Arse
Aristotle ............................... Bottle
Army And Navy ........................... Gravy
Artful Dodger ........................... Lodger
Arthur Bliss ............................ ****
Arthur Scargill ......................... Gargle (Drink)
Ayrton Senna ............................ Tenner (Ten Pound Note)
Ascot Races ............................. Braces
Ash And Oaks ............................ Smokes (Cigarettes)
Auntie Ella ............................. Umbrella
Auntie Nellie ........................... Belly
Ave Maria ............................... Fire

B 

Baa Lamb ................................ Tram
Babbling Brook .......................... Cook
Babbling Brook .......................... Crook (Criminal)
Baby Giraffe ............................ Half (A Pint)
Bacon And Eggs .......................... Legs
Baked Potato ............................ Later
Ball Of Chalk ........................... Walk
Balloon Car ............................. Saloon Bar
Band Of Hope ............................ Soap
Bang Allan Border ....................... Out Of Order
Bangers And Mash ........................ Cash
Barclays Bank ........................... Wank
Barn Owl ................................ Row (Quarrel)
Barnaby Rudge ........................... Judge
Barnet Fair ............................. Hair
Barney Rubble ........................... Trouble
Barry White ............................. Shite
Basin Of Gravy .......................... Baby
Bat And Wicket .......................... Ticket
Bath Bun ................................ Son
Bath Bun ................................ Sun
Battle Cruiser .......................... Boozer (Bar)
Battle Of Waterloo ...................... Stew
Bear's Paw .............................. Saw
Beechams Pill ........................... Bill (Statement)
Beechams Pill ........................... Still
Bees And Honey .......................... Money
Beetles And Ants ........................ Underpants
Beggar Boy's Ass ........................ Bass
Beggar-My-Neighbour ..................... Labour
Ben Cartwright .......................... Shite
Bended Knees ............................ Cheese
Bengal Lancer ........................... Chancer
Big Ben ................................. Ten
Big Dippers ............................. Slippers
Bird Lime ............................... Time
Biscuits And Cheese ..................... Knees
Bladder Of Lard ......................... Card
Bo-Peep ................................. Sleep
Boat Race ............................... Face
Bob Hope ................................ Soap
Bob Squash .............................. Wash
Bobby Moore ............................. Score (Twenty Pounds)
Bobby Moore ............................. Sure
Bonney Fair ............................. Hair
Boracic Lint ............................ Skint
Borrow And Beg .......................... Egg
Botany Bay .............................. Run Away
Bottle And Glass ........................ Class
Bottle And Stopper ...................... Copper (Police)
Bottle Of Cola .......................... Bowler
Bottle Of Glue .......................... Two
Bottle Of Porter ........................ Daughter
Bottle Of Sauce ......................... Horse
Bottle Of Scotch ........................ Wrist Watch
Bow And Arrow ........................... Barrow
Bow And Arrow ........................... Sparrow
Box Of Toys ............................. Noise
Brace And Bits .......................... Tits
Brad Pitt ............................... ****
Brahms And Lizst ........................ Pissed
Brass Band .............................. Hand
Brass Tacks ............................. Facts
Bread And Butter ........................ Gutter
Bread And Cheese ........................ Sneeze
Bread And Honey ......................... Money
Bricks And Mortar ....................... Daughter
Bright And Breezy ....................... Easy
Brighton Pier ........................... ***** (Homosexual)
Briney Marlin ........................... Darling
Bristol City ............................ Titty
Britney Spears .......................... Beers
Brixton Riot ............................ Diet
Brothers And Sisters .................... Whiskers
Brown Bread ............................. Dead
Brown Hat ............................... Cat
Brussel Sprouts ......................... Scouts
Bubble And Squeak ....................... Beak
Bubble And Squeak ....................... Greek
Bubble And Squeak ....................... Week
Bucket And Pail ......................... Jail
Buddy Holly ............................. Volley
Bugs Bunny .............................. Money
Bull And Cow ............................ Row (Quarrel)
Bullock's Horn .......................... Pawn (In-Pawn)
Burnt Cinder ............................ Window
Burton On Trent ......................... Rent
Bushel And Peck ......................... Neck
Bushey Park ............................. Joke
Bushey Park ............................. Lark
Buster Keaton ........................... Meeting
Butcher's Hook .......................... Look

C 

Cab Rank ................................ Bank
Cain And Abel ........................... Table
Calvin Klein ............................ Fine
Can Of Oil .............................. Boil
Canal Boat .............................. Tote
Cape Of Good Hope ....................... Soap
Captain Cook ............................ Book
Captain Hook ............................ Book
Cash And Carry-ed ....................... Married
Cat And Cages ........................... Wages
Cat And Mouse ........................... House
Cattle Truck ............................ ****
Cellarflap .............................. Tap (Ask For A Loan)
Chalfont St. Giles ...................... Piles (Haemorrhoids)
Chalk Farm .............................. Arm
Charles Fox ............................. Box
Charlie Chan ............................ Tan
Charlie Nash ............................ Slash (****)
Charlie Prescot ......................... Waistcoat
Charlie Pride ........................... Ride
Charlie Ronce ........................... Ponce
Chas And Dave ........................... Shave
Cheerful Giver .......................... Liver
Cheese And Kisses ....................... Missus
Cheltenham Bold ......................... Cold
Cherry Hog .............................. Dog
Cherry Ripe ............................. Pipe
Chevy Chase ............................. Face
Chicken And Rice ........................ Nice
China Plate ............................. Mate (Friend)
Chipmunks ............................... Trunks
Chocolate Fudge ......................... Judge
Chopsticks .............................. Six
Christian Slater ........................ Later
Christmas Eve ........................... Believe
Cilla Black ............................. Back
Claires Raynors ......................... Trainers
Clever Mike ............................. Bike
Clickety Click .......................... Sixty-Six
Clothes Peg ............................. Egg
Coalheaver (From Giver) ................. Penny
Coals And Coke .......................... Broke (Financially Ruined)
Coat And Badge .......................... Cadge (Borrow)
Cobblers Awls ........................... Balls (Testicles)
**** And Hen ............................ Ten
**** Linnet ............................. Minute
**** Sparrow ............................ Barrow
Cockroach ............................... Coach
Conan Doyle ............................. Boil
Council Gritter ......................... Shitter
Country Cousin .......................... Dozen
Cousin Sis .............................. **** (On The)
Cow's Calf .............................. Half (Fifty Pence)
Cream Cookies ........................... Bookies (Bookmakers)
Cream Cracker-ed ........................ Knackered
Crust Of Bread .......................... Head
Cuddle And Kiss ......................... Miss
Cuddle And Kiss ......................... ****
Currant Bun ............................. Nun
Currant Bun ............................. Son
Currant Bun ............................. Sun
Currant Cake-y .......................... Shaky
Custard And Jelly ....................... Telly (Television)
Cuts And Scratches ...................... Matches


----------



## Aulë

D 

Daff-A-Down Dilly ....................... Silly
Daft And Barmy .......................... Army
Daily Mail .............................. Tale
Daisy Roots ............................. Boots
Dancing Fleas ........................... Keys
Danny La Rue ............................ Clue
Danny Marr .............................. Car (Esp. Flash One)
Darky Cox ............................... Box
David Gower ............................. Shower
Day And Night ........................... Light (Ale)
Day's Dawning ........................... Morning
Deep Sea Diver .......................... Fiver (Five Pound Note)
Derby Kelly ............................. Belly
Derry And Tom ........................... Bomb
Dickory Dock ............................ Clock
Dicky Bird .............................. Word
Dicky Dirt .............................. Shirt
Dig In The Grave ........................ Shave
Ding Dong ............................... Song
Ding Dong Bell .......................... Hell
Dinky Doo ............................... Twenty-Two
Dixie Deans ............................. Jeans
Do As You Like-y ........................ Pikey
Do Me Good .............................. Wood
Doctor Crippen .......................... Dripping
Dog And Bone ............................ Telephone
Donald Duck ............................. Luck
Donald Trump ............................ Dump (Excrete)
Donkey's Ears ........................... Years
Door To Door ............................ Four
Doris Day ............................... Gay (Homosexual)
Dot And Dash ............................ Moustache
Doug McClure ............................ Whore
Douglas Hurd ............................ Turd
Down The Drains ......................... Brains
Dribs And Drabs ......................... Crabs
Drum And Fife ........................... Knife
Drummond And Roce ....................... Knife And Fork
Duchess Of Fife ......................... Wife
Duck And Dive ........................... Hide
Dudley Moores ........................... Sores
Duke Of Argyles ......................... Piles (Haemorrhoids)
Duke Of Kent ............................ Rent
Duke Of York ............................ Chalk
Duke Of York ............................ Cork
Dunlop Tyre ............................. Liar
Dustbin Lid ............................. Kid (Child)

E 

Early Doors ............................. Drawers (Pair Of)
Early Hours ............................. Flowers
Eartha Kitts ............................ Tits
Earwig .................................. Twig (Understand)
East And West ........................... Vest
Eddie Grundies .......................... Undies (Underwear)
Eighteen Pence .......................... Sense
Elephant And Castle ..................... Arsehole
Elephant And Castle ..................... Parcel
Elephant's Trunk ........................ Drunk (Inebriated)
Elsie Tanner ............................ Spanner
Emma Freuds ............................. Haemorrhoids
Engineers And Stokers ................... Brokers
Ernie Marsh ............................. Grass

F 

Fanny Craddock .......................... Haddock
Far East ................................ Priest
Farmer Giles ............................ Piles (Haemorrhoids)
Feather And Flip ........................ Kip (Sleep)
Field Of Wheat .......................... Street
Fife And Drum ........................... Bum (Arse)
Fillet Of Cod ........................... Sod
Fine And Dandy .......................... Brandy
Finger And Thumb ........................ Rum
Fish Hook ............................... Book
Fisherman's Daughter .................... Water
Five To Two ............................. Jew
Flake Of Corn ........................... Horn (Erection)
Flounder And Dab ........................ Cab (Taxi)
Flowery Dell ............................ Cell (Prison)
Fly-By-Nights ........................... Tights
Fore And Aft ............................ Daft
Forest Gump ............................. Dump (Excrete)
Fork And Knife .......................... Wife
Forsyte Saga ............................ Lager
Four By Two ............................. Jew
Frank Bough ............................. Off
Fridge Freezer .......................... Geezer (Man)
Frog And Toad ........................... Road
Front Wheel Skid ........................ Yid (Jew)
Frying Pan .............................. Old Man (Husband)
Fun And Frolics ......................... Bollocks

G

Garden Gate ............................. Magistrate
Garden Gate ............................. Mate (Friend)
Gary Ablett ............................. Tablet
Gates Of Rome ........................... Home
Gay And Frisky .......................... Whisky
Geoff Hurst ............................. Thirst
George Raft ............................. Draft
George Raft ............................. Draught
German Band ............................. Hand
Gertie Gitana ........................... Banana
Gianluca Vialli ......................... Charlie (Cocaine)
Ginger Beer ............................. Engineer
Ginger Beer ............................. ***** (Homosexual)
Gipsy's Warning ......................... Morning
Glasgow Ranger .......................... Stranger
God Forbid .............................. Kid (Child)
Gold Watch .............................. Scotch
Goose And Duck .......................... ****
Goose's Neck ............................ Cheque
Gooseberry Pudding ...................... Woman
Gordon And Gotch ........................ Wrist Watch
Grass In The Park ....................... Nark
Grasshopper ............................. Copper (Police)
Green Gage .............................. Wage
Greengages .............................. Wages
Gregory Peck ............................ Cheque
Gregory Peck ............................ Neck
Grey Mare ............................... Fare

H 

Ha'penny Dip ............................ Ship
Hackney Marsh ........................... Glass
Haddock And Bloater ..................... Motor
Half Inch ............................... Pinch (To Steal)
Ham And Cheesy .......................... Easy
Ham And Eggs ............................ Legs
Hammer And Tack ......................... Back
Hampstead Heath ......................... Teeth
Hank Marvin ............................. Starving
Harold Wilsons .......................... Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches)
Harry Dash .............................. Flash
Harry Lin ............................... Chin
Harry Randall ........................... Candle
Harry Tate .............................. Eight
Harry Tate .............................. State (Condition, Esp. Poor)
Harry Wragg ............................. Fag (Cigarette)
Harvey Nichol ........................... Pickle
Heap Of Coke ............................ Bloke
Hearts Of Oak ........................... Broke (Financially Ruined)
Hedge And Ditch ......................... Pitch (Stall Or Stand)
Henry Moore ............................. Door
Herring And Kipper ...................... Stripper
Hey Diddle Diddle ....................... Fiddle
Highland Fling .......................... Ring
Hillman Hunters ......................... Punters
Hit And Miss ............................ Kiss
Hobson's Choice ......................... Voice
Holloa Boys Holloa ...................... Collar
Holy Friar .............................. Liar
Holy Ghost .............................. Toast
Horse And Cart .......................... Heart
Hot Cross Bun ........................... Nun
Hot Potato .............................. Waiter
House To Let ............................ Bet
Housemaid's Knee ........................ Sea
How Do You Do ........................... Shoe
How's Your Father ....................... Lather

The rest are here: http://www.phespirit.info/cockney/slang_to_english.htm


----------



## legoman

OK so to us lot who think a few is about 3/4 to Pippin its actually the whole dictionary! haha, but yeah, I think they get the jist now.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I found it really amusing when some English guy in some American movie used some rhyming slang phrase and I knew what it meant.


----------



## spirit

dude u really r funny
i m in britain but i was born outta da country. 
dude u reall cracked me up. half this is jus... hilarious.


----------



## ms Greenleaf

say mirror mirra
thats what I do in Canada and people always ask if I am Britishs


----------



## legoman

why how do you lot say mirror?

Spirit, who were you talking too.

well just for wonks, heres m in some silly accent... 'massive'.
Nah, I don't get it either, but she thought it was funny.


----------



## ms Greenleaf

My granma was English so she taught me to say Mirra

USA people say Mear

and Canadians say Mirr OR


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Not true. 

I say mirr-or. 

When Legs said "massive" it was the funniest thing! I had him repeat it! Great stuff.


And Snaga talking about vegetables is GREAT. I love it when he says aubergine.


----------



## spirit

massive is like a leicester word.
ppl in kent are real posh ppl.
trust me on this...leicester is better than Kent!!! wayyyy better.


----------



## legoman

Actually it is a leicester word but I don't say anything the way leicester people say stuff innit.

cos if I did then I'd say innit at stupidlt innit unappropriate times innit, and no innit one would innit know innit what I innit was talking about. Innit.

Nah, I have more of a hull accent, or rather a northern accent then I had noticed but apparently I say the word massive very amusingly. Aven tookish who grew up about 6 miles away from me says it entirely differently. 

but leicsester is not good. Don't listen to spirit!!! really don't.


----------



## Snaga

Innit isnt just Leicester... they say that in Coventry too. (Which is only about 20 miles away so no big surprise).

The Coventry accent is weird. Basically you have to use the next vowel sound in the alphabet to the one you want.

So Coventry is said 'Cuvintra innit' ... its bizarre


----------



## spirit

WELL...Leicester isnt all that BUT it is BETTER THAN KENT!!!!!!!!!

TRUST ME ON THAT!!!


----------



## Idril

Well, I moved to the midlands 10 yrs ago and they have no TTs - like bu-ur for butter and war-er for water.

Must admit, my own accent is a mix of North London/Canadian/Trinidadian/and midlands(England) and it varies with my mood (so I have been told anyway).


----------



## legoman

Thats an impressive mixture of accents! Did you actually live in all those places or do your parents have accents that have rubbed off?


----------



## Idril

Luckily, I lived in all those places Used to live near Magna Park - know Leicester quite well.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

> _Originally posted by snaga1 _
> *Innit isnt just Leicester... they say that in Coventry too. (Which is only about 20 miles away so no big surprise).
> 
> The Coventry accent is weird. Basically you have to use the next vowel sound in the alphabet to the one you want.
> 
> So Coventry is said 'Cuvintra innit' ... its bizarre *



IT IS bizarre...but who would want to LIVE in Coventry and get an accent like that.

*coughs at Snaga* You'd better do something about that orcling or you'll be sorry in about 13 years.

Or rather I will.
Waste of a perfectly good accent.


----------



## Arebeth

I love this thread... (And no, I don't love every single thread that has "British" in its title, I just learned a lot of things around here) 

I think I would do anything to have an English accent, even the worst one...


----------



## Snaga

Ah well Arebeth, you too can have one with lots of practice! There are probably plenty of Brits who would think your accent was full of 'continental sophistication' and therefore highly desirable. (Amongst the others of a more xenophobic nature who would think the opposite, I'm afraid )

And I've actually finally heard Idril's accent... and it had me puzzled for several hours! In between being dazzled by the disco lights and delighted by the yorkshire puds that is! Yay for Idril's house!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Hey! Does anyone remember me? I haven't been on here for awhile..........too many college courses.

Yes. I too am trying to speak in an English accent at all times. However, I have too many people who know who I am. They're going to start asking me what's wrong with my voice. Then I'll be embarassed and will hide my head in a flower pot. Oh, well. I guess I ought to risk it anyway.


----------



## Snaga

Remember you?? OF COURSE!!! Welcome back!!

You should practice on strangers. It much less of a risk, cos they don't know what your real accent is, and will probably not call you on it even if they think you're faking.


----------



## Legolam

Jeez, NH, it's been a while!!

Try your Scottish accent, I seem to remember that was coming on well when you were last here


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Hooray! People remember me! I'm so special. 
I've decided to come back and see just how much time I can waste now that I am a Junior in college. Of course we all know how much time a college student has....

I have every intention of practising my accent on random strangers, but it seems like every time I have the chance to do it I forget to. How smart is that? I figure most Americans would think that a lousy fake of an English accent was quite authentic. hehe. Actually bookstore clerks are probably the most fun to do it to. They always seem quite fascinated by such things.

I would do a Scottish accent if I could pull off a somewhat authentic sounding one. However, I have a hard time immitating it because over here you never hear a female with a Scotch accent. Oh, sure. We've got plenty of guys with them, but that doesn't help. All it has done is succeeded in making me sound like Sean Connery whenever I try. That sounds anything but good coming from the mouth of a female! Gets WAY too many giggles from those around me.

But maybe if Legolam will continue to teach me Scotch vocabulary, I can someday pull it off. *hint, hint* And Snaga can keep teaching me English vocabulary, so I can actually understand people when I fly over there. Don't want people to know I'm a tourist you know. 



And yes. I do change my accent according to where I am at and what I've been exposed to.


----------



## Starflower

just had a little thought... "wonky" means something is crooked, twisted, out of place, wobbly, not quite there , ie 'wonky wheels' 
and you can "throw a wobbly", which is causing a scene


----------



## Snaga

Pssst.... Nim... you want to call it a scottish accent. Scotch is the whisky they drink up there... and yes it does have an accent to go with it, but its all slurry and dribbly.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Ok, fine. I'll call it Scottish. I go back and forth, because I just hate to use the same word over and over.  

Believe it or not, they drink Scotch here too. People still refer to themselves as Scotch anyway. Hmmm......I wonder if that means anything in particular. *snort*

However, to avoid offending my fellow Scots, I'll refer to it as a Scottish accent. Hear that Legolam! I said SCOTTISH!!

By the way I find the slurred accent caused by Scotch to be very amusing. I practice that one every now and then as well....


----------



## Snaga

Oh dear. Nim is going to be the next Rab C Nesbitt!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Who in Middle Earth is Rab C. Nesbitt? And does he have a happy ending?

.......I'm very afraid.......


----------



## Snaga

Go here... www.beebfun.com/rab.htm This should be great for seeing how well you've got to grips with Scottish accents!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

LOL!! That was absolutely hilarious. And yes I could understand most of it (though I admit I had to play a couple more than once to be able to understand what was being said). Very funny stuff.

However, I doubt that I have much danger of starting to sound like Rab C. Nesbitt.....I don't want to sound like some fat hairy Scotsman. Sorry, just not too appealing.


----------



## Legolam

Ah, it's OK, Rab's from Glasgow. We're FAR more refined here in the east, although it's been suggested that we have a "fur coat but nae knickers"!!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

LOL! It's funny how people of the same nationality can be so different in the space of a few short miles. Imagine America!


Should we get back on topic by any chance? Does someone want to teach me some more vocabulary? Anyone.....

Where did everyone go who was on this thread? It used to be frequented by quite a few people.


----------



## legoman

I AM THE GOD OF HELL AND FIRE AND I BRING YOU...

a lukewarm bagel.

bagel's are gross, I'd rather have a mince pie, speaking of which I had one earlier, yummy, I'm getting a bit peckish now (is it true americans don't use that phrase - shame it's ace!)

lalalalalalalalalalala

Great to read you all again, hi legolam, nimawae, wonks, snaga, 
whoever starflower is... it's an honour for you to meet me.

God how vain, I apologise. 

anyone got any good cures for cancer - come on it's for the good on mankind...

hmmm, I'd better go nothing interesting to say, hmmm, I seem to remember they had mods here, scary things, power power power.

back once again with the renegade master be bop damager power to the people. or something or other.

unlucky for some 13 bingo!

sorry I can't talk much, I've gotta go back to the land that is cardiff beeb on monday, so until my computer purchasing escapade is complete you'll have to put up with random outbursts of uglyness such as you see before you.

God save the Queen.

Farewell for now...


----------



## Starflower

well what would you like to know Nimawae ? 
peckish =hungry for something small to snack
bonkers = crazy
snog = kiss


i'll post more when I can be bothered


----------



## legoman

now now, thats not the attitude, post them now or forever hold your peace.

could I just ask you all a question?


thanks.


----------



## Isilme

Has anyone read, "Angus thongs and full frontal snogging"? I learned a lot of english vocabulary from it, though I'm sure it had a lot of made up words...

Legoman what's mince pie??


----------



## Starflower

mince pie is what they have here for dessert at xmas time. they are little pies filled wits a curious fruit mixture that they call "mincemeat", i don;t know exactly what goes into it but i don't like them my self.


----------



## Idril

Have a look at this site.


----------



## legoman

thats crazy, a 9 inch mince pie, that's incredibly screwed up.

and wrong.

sounds fun though...


----------



## Idril

must admit I didn't read the recipe, but why is it crazy to make 1 large pie, save having to cut and mold all those small circles of pastry . I do a mince crumble then I don't even need to make the pastry!

How about this one instead and it even has a piccy! Delia's mince pies


----------



## Starflower

*shudder* I HATE mince pies . Can't stand them. Not in the slightest.Or christmas pudding. That might actually be worst of the two.


----------



## Isilme

Ok, i guess I'm really north american 'cause i haven't the slightest clue on what christmas pudding is (pathetic i know).


----------



## Frodorocks

It's like baked... stuff. Okay, I don't really know either.


----------



## Idril

> _Originally posted by Isilme _
> *Ok, i guess I'm really north american 'cause i haven't the slightest clue on what christmas pudding is (pathetic i know). *



Christmas Pudding is like a steamed fruit cake in a pudding basin, we stick a sprig of holly on the top, pour warm brandy over it and set it on fire! See a pic and recipe here


----------



## Beleg

Brrrittiiish, 
so does any of you, any of you, any of you, any of you, even remotely interested in cricket?
Do folks still go to see the county matches?
Do folks of Yorkshire still bawl if Darren Gough gives the country preference over county?


----------



## Legolam

Cricket sucks. Period.

Mince pies rule though. And Christmas pudding is fun but a bit too rich for me. When I saw the words "mince pie", I immediately thought of those meat pies you get at football matches or at the chippy - Mmmmmmmmmmm


----------



## Nimawae's hope

*GASP* So it is that I'm gone on break for a week, and everyone comes back to this thread! And now they are all gone and I have no one to talk to. I begin to regret that time away from school.

Well, you might all be gone, but hello anyway. Wish I could see more of you folks.

Anyway, I'll make a stab at conversation. Hehe...I actually know what christmas pudding and mince pies are. Hooray! Unfortunately I've never had them. Maybe I can get my mother to make them this Christmas. Is there a way to make Christmas pudding without the lard? There are two vegetarians in my house that would refuse to eat it with lard. What does mince pie and christmas pudding taste like anyway?

Don't know anything about cricket....except I know it when I see it.

Hello legoman!!! Yes. Lukewarm bagels are disgusting...but hot ones aren't too bad. I hope you're not permanently gone from this place. I am thoroughly disgusted that I completely missed your presence. Darn! I've got bad timing.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

> _Originally posted by snaga1 _
> *
> 
> And I've actually finally heard Idril's accent... and it had me puzzled for several hours! In between being dazzled by the disco lights and delighted by the yorkshire puds that is! Yay for Idril's house! *



I was SOOO happy with Idril's accent cos she said things I say!!

Like she actually pronounces the th in that one name as "th" and not "t"...

And she knows what Kool-Aid is! And Macaroni and Cheese! And she says popsicle! 

Wow... That's so cool.



Arebeth, I'd do quite a lot for an English accent too. 

YAYAYAYAYAYAY! Nimawae's Hope is back!!!  We've been LOOKING for you! Legoman and I were like, "Where did Nim go?!"




And something my English English tutor will be proud of: Some guy in a restaurant thought I was English!!!


It was about 4 days or so after I got back from visiting Snoggable (I'd been there for 6 weeks) and I was at a restaurant with a friend, and after I'd ordered the waiter was like, "Are you British?"

And I just started laughing...and my friend was like, "Yes...yes she is..." cos he'd been telling me I was talking all English and I was denying it and calling him crazy.

I laughed again and I said, "Fine! You're right! You win" And then I turned to the waiter and I said, "No...I'm not. But I just got back from there. I was there for 6 weeks..." and he was like, 'Aaah... Got it." And walked away feeling vindicated.

I was just laughing...apparently I didn't have an accent...but I was talking with an English inflection...the English ask questions differently...and say things with stress on different words than we do. 


YAY! Somebody thought I was British and I wasn't even FAKING!


----------



## Húrin Thalion

JEALOUS! They thought you were British? I've been suffering from severe anglophilia since... well the age of 9, when I read the Sherlock Holmes books! Here I am, in a cold country with some silly sow instead of rain and NO-ONE thiunks I am British! Don't they know how much tea I drink? Dom' they know that my only suit is in tweed? Don't they know how... 

Why can't I live on a foggy island with bad weather???


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Well, it WAS only a dopey American waiter-boy that thought I was British. He wasn't the brightest Crayon in the box. 

But yeah...he thought I was British. I wasn't speaking with an accent as far as I could tell, but I was using English inflection...:-/

Go figure. 

(P.S.- I drink a lot of tea too, but the key is to offer it to people a lot....like a friend comes over, and you ask him "Would you like a cup of tea? A biscuit?" and then keep offering every 10 minutes or so...5 if you want to see ULTRA-English. )

Hehe... Foggy island with bad weather...*is homesick*....*sigh*


----------



## Húrin Thalion

Hmmmm... of course, I do live in Sweden, so if I only spoke English, of course with British accent and inflexion, they would have no other choice than to believe that I am British! "Baldrick, I have a cunning plan!" But that's no trick either, it has to be done in an English speaking country. Still very jealous.

That is a good plan, but the provblm is that most of my friends are barbarians in that manner, they do not drink tea! And if they do, they drink tea from teabags!!!! I pity them, they live in sin.

And I am a Charltion fan (sorry Inderjit, no Wolves here)!

Måns


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Well, in America most of the tea you can get at the store IS tea-bag tea.

My favourite kind of tea (that's sold in this country) is only tea-bag...

But that's cos we're depraved. 

I love it when Snaga makes me tea...I mean, it's a fairly simple task...but it's one of those sweet thoughtful things that I appreciate.  Even if I don't drink all of it.


Like...when I was sick...I had a thing in my nose...and he made me some (I'm going to misspell this) Lha Sang Souchong (?!) and it's a REALLY strong smokey tea...REALLY good...but I had this icky taste in the back of my throat from the sickness...and I couldnt' finish the tea...

And I felt bad.


----------



## Starflower

soooo... Wonky Wonks, when are you going to marry your snoggable Snaga and settle down on this foggy rainy island for good, drinking tea and eating biscuits all the time ?

It does rain all the time, it's true, even now, it's a week til christmas and there's not even hope of snow  only rain... 

oh well.. the things you do for love.......


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Well the wedding is next August, I move in immediately after the HOOOOONEY MOOOOON, and I LIKE the rain! 

I'm from Seattle, WA. It's known to rain 9 months out of the year here.  And not awesome downpours...constant foggy drizzle.

Like England!  So I'll feel right at home!


In fact...I'm homesick for England as it is!!


----------



## Starflower

good good


why is it always us women who move to a different country for their men ?
see i'm originally from Finland and it never rains like this all the time, it is snowing this time of the year...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Well, all things considered, I WANT to move to England...but I think that if it weren't for a few deciding factors Snaga might consider moving to the US for me...

A lot of men move places for their wives...my dad, my uncle, other people...that...i can't think of.


----------



## legoman

hmm, strange, cos my wife moved in with me, she moved all the way from tazmania.



That was a lie, I apologise.

How are all you fine upstanding citizens? 
And how are you wonks?

hehe.


tally-ho.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Hehe... I like how you made the distinction between me and the upstanding citizens in the room...

But that was hardly necessary...there aren't any upstanding citizens for miles and miles! 


I'm great. How are you, my dear sir?


----------



## legoman

dear sir? Well thats thekind of polite conversation that makes me want to talk to people.

I am well, myself and the good Dame Tookish-girl (well if I'm a sir, then it's only fair isn't it, she is much more intellegent than me) went to see the rather epic return of the kingy this afternoon, and can I just say... wow.


Screw you purests, that film rocks. Never before I have I been in the position where I wished I could ride a horse, and never before have I been almost moved to tears by a gang of midgets. I saw scenes there which would make an old man weep and make a small child get the sort of nightmares your still wake up screaming about when your 46.

Good stuff.

Anyway, that should have given you enough fuel to burn me at some form of wood fire, but frankly I don't care.

p.s. my sister and dad are playing a lovely rendition of the slade christmas classic on piano and flute (unrespectively, yeah, I think that works in english) I bet you wish you were here!

so after such a long amount of type-age how be thee wonk? I hope thou ist holding good to thy oath of comicness,I am seeing a distinct lack of intellectual nonsense around these parts of late, you are failing in your quest for utter randomoscity. Or something along those lines.

Well I'd better go before I start talking sense. fare-thee-well old chumeroons. Speak soon.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Quack.


----------



## Rangerdave

> _Originally posted by legoman _
> *. Never before I have I been in the position where I wished I could ride a horse, and never before have I been almost moved to tears by a gang of midgets. I saw scenes there which would make an old man weep and make a small child get the sort of nightmares your still wake up screaming about when your 46.
> 
> *




Wow! Thats alot.

All I wanted to do after seeing it was to Yabba-Dabba-Do down an elephant's trunk
 


RD


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I'd reconsider that if I were you, RD...

The Flintstones and friends didn't wear anything underneath thier animal-skin dresses.

If you were to try that in REAL LIFE you may end up with a very embarrassing situation on your hand...and if any friends are around...very embarrassing pictures to prove it.


----------



## legoman

Oh I don't know in this age of the internet the embarrasing photo is the way to stardom, just 7 forwards and you could be the most recognisable person in the world. Although, they may not recognise your face, which could cause a few problems.

hey wonks, speaking of quack - I keep saying that to the cats down our road in cardiff and none of them react, any thoughts on why? I don't put on a duck voice or anything - that'd be weird - I just say quack in my normal voice when I pass them sitting on car bonnets. But nothing.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

WEIIIRD.

Maybe they only speak Welsh? It stands to reason that in Welsh, "Quack" may mean nothing, and the Ducks say something else.
Therefore, no reaction from Welsh cats.

Try to figure out what it is that ducks say and then try it out on the cats. (Not in a duck voice of course, that WOULD be silly!)


----------



## Nimawae's hope

What!?! Wonks! You don't know the Welsh word for "Quack"? *gasp* Shame on you. After that long verbaged piece on how quick with languages you are.  Hehe......you're supposed to keep up your reputation you know.   

How is everyone? Was your holiday any good or were you all required to do much mindless labour for your mum to keep her happy?


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I didn't say I didn't know what the Welsh word for "Quack" was, just that "Quack" was English and maybe the Welsh ducks say it in Welsh. 


The Welsh word for Quack is...as everyone knows..."Llewepwgdangndnfairellanllynpwgpwgfan"....



Yeah.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Good answer. That sounds very Welsh.....but can you pronounce it? For that matter can a Welsh speaker pronounce it. Phew! Rough language.

What was the last British topic that we were on? I could be wrong but I think we've gone way off course. That's typical. 
*Shrugs* Hey. I _like_ being random. It fits me.


----------



## Eledhwen

Just look at www.effingpot.com 
I've been British for nearly 48 years and I'm still no good at it. I think I'm much better at being English.

The Welsh make ever such long names up for their villages, but you can't beat the English for silly sounding ones, and you have to say them with a straight face. Sometimes, we also make letters silent in the middle of place names (like Leicester) so we can laugh at foreigners who ask the way there.

By the way, what was Legoman on about in that last post? I couldn't understand a word of it.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Oh. Thanks for that site it should come in quite handy.
*Muttering* No good at British....better at English.......hmmm have to ponder that awhile.

British place names may sound funny, but some American ones are just ridiculous. i.e. Normal, Ohio; Peculiar, Missouri; Hell, Minnesota (my personal favourite...you know the whole thing about hell freezing over. Yeah.) The list just goes on and on.

BTW, Eledhwen, if Legoman doesn't make sense to you then don't worry. There's only a problem when he does make sense......Maybe that's why I'm worried.....


----------



## Rhiannon

Tennyson, Texas, and Byron, Texas (next to each other); Scotland, Texas; Wisdom, Texas; Sunset, Texas, which we drive through to get to the DFW airport, Lone Wolf, Oklahoma....


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Hehe.....yeah. Leave it to the US to come up with the screwiest place names. It's never anything remotely civilised......I wonder what they were on when they came up with those.


----------



## Eledhwen

Nimawae's hope said:


> *Muttering* No good at British....better at English.......hmmm have to ponder that awhile.


Great Britain, as most people know, is made up of England, Scotland and Wales. The United Kingdom includes Northern Ireland. The Scots and Welsh have always owned their own national identity, waving their national flags as well as the Union Flag at sporting events etc, and hoping England lose. They also have their own languages; especially Wales. The rise of English nationalism can be seen by comparing, say, the flag-waving at the 1966 World Cup Soccer final, and the flag-waving at the 2003 Rugby World Cup final. The former was a sea of Union Jacks; the latter the flag of St George (red cross on white background). Now they don't feel like they own the whole island, the English are finally waking up to who they are. My brother, a soldier, is fiercely pro-English. At New Year he was flashing his England Rugby Shirt in a pub in Scotland (fortunately, they found it amusing!).

A national identity is difficult to pin down for England, because the regions are so different, with accents so diverse that they couldn't understand one another without practice. Many Cornish folk (from Cornwall), for instance, also consider themselves to be a nation apart. Their own unique language only died out about a century ago, and is still understood by some.

England, of course, is now the only nation of the United Kingdom that does not have its own National Assembly.

As Wonks knows, I live in Wootton Bassett (It got the Bassett bit after the Lord of the Manor about 600 years ago) - and that is not the strangest place name I know. One of the prettiest villages in the Cotswolds is called Lower Slaughter. For a lovely Tolkien-style name, how about 'Underbarrow' in Cumbria? Spooky!


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## Nimawae's hope

Ah. I understand your statement now. I wasn't too sure what you're talking about. Celtic nations have a tendency to hold on firmly to their identity, so I see how that can become a problem for the English. I myself use the word British simply because it is a convenient way for me to include all those places that I'm interested in. I know they are quite unique from each other. To be honest though I had no idea that the English were having trouble with their national identity. I'm glad they're starting to understand though. They have an incredibly rich history. (You're so lucky.)


Yeah. I always liked the English names that sounded like something from the Shire. It sounds so comfortable. *sighs* Someday I _will_ get to England.


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