# The thread for Megalomaniacal Monty Python Lovers



## Morgoth

*The Guild of Megalomaniacal Monty Python Lovers*

This is a guild for anyone who is a huge Python anorak. The great thing about this guild is that you can give yourself whatever stupid ridiculous title you like, just to rub it in the faces of people who had to earn their title, providing the title you have chosen is not used by anyone else. The other great thing is that it is a good place to discuss Python inspired LOTR stuff eg. jokes. After your post, register your title. Mine is the Grand High Arch-Cardinal of The Holy Order of The Guild of Megalomaniacal Monty Python Lovers


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## Bergile

To be honest, this is a pity message, i saw you had no replies and thought i would make you feel better( i'm sure i have).
Anyway, i'm a little to young to remember monty python, and they never show any repeats on telly, i have seen The Life of Brian though, that sounds pathetic, doesnt it. Sorry.


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## Morgoth

Thank you for your pity. I will treasure it forever. This guild looks doomed to fail.


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## YayGollum

Hey, I see nothing wrong with a place to come up with crazy titles and talk about Monty Python! I'm a big fan! Here's my title --->

Sir Yay Ever-Humble, Lord Of The Most Insignificant, Unassuming, Meek, Mild, Unprepossessing Land In Middle Earth, Erstwhile King Of The Vale Of Anduin, Upholder Of Gollum, Defender Of The Little Guy, Founder Of The Illustrious Guild Of Outcasts, Mr. TTF, Mama's Boy Par Excellence, Master Of The Long Rant And Insane Theory, Keeper Of The Yay.


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## BranMuffin

Monty Python is awesome though sometimes gross/vulgar. My firends and I have made plenty of spoofs of "The Holy Grail" and quote it quite frequently.

My title is Big Squishy Moist and Chewy BranMuffin!!!
Its an actual nickname given to me by one of my not so normal friends.


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## Morgoth

Finally, some people that actually want to join the Guild! If you could possibly find some more people who want to join, we could get a wide variety of Monty Python stuff, including LOTR spoofs on this thread. Cheers.


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## The_Swordmaster

I am a huge Python fan. I love the Holy Grail and the t.v. shows. 

.


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## YayGollum

Yikes! Is my title excessive? oh well. I'm off to find the people that used to be a part of my Monty Python Fan Club that died a while ago!


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## Niniel

I love Monty Python too! I know more people here do, may be you should advertise your guild more actively, then you will have many more members.


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## Niniel

Here, I found some really cool LOTR-Mony Python parodies...
www.freewebs.com/belladonnabrandybuck/montyindex.html
www.stupidring.com/


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## Morgoth

I used to advertise it in my signature, but no-one came. I need to find some more inventive ways. Anyway, a topic of conversation: What is Your Favourite Monty Python Film? Mine is Holy Grail.


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## Aulë

Likewise

"On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot- It is a silly place"


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## Morgoth

ROTFL. It's fantastic. I've got the special edition DVD with the Knights of the Round Table song in Lego! And singalongs.....
"Brave Sir Robin Ran Away, Bravely Ran Away Away...."


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## Aulë

I like it in "The Meaning of Life" where they come along and take that guy's vital organs!


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## Morgoth

The best part about that sketch is when the bloke comes out of the freezer. I think it was Eric Idle.


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## Niniel

My favourite is the Holy Grail, but Life of Brian is very cool too.


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## Morgoth

The holy grail is amazing. I love it to bits. But they're all good films.


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## TheFool

some faves:

* 'anyone else fancy a little _giggle_..? When I say the name........' - don't know how Palin kept a straight face

* 'The Four Yorkshiremen' '_we_ lived for four months in a paper bag in a septic tank!'

* '...it's sad, but this is what accountancy does to people' - I will never be an accountant. never ever

* the way Death turns round while pointing his finger in Meaning of Life 

* the fight scene where the guy tries to kill the Black Knight with a mace the size of a basketball

this could run and run


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## Morgoth

* I'm Brian! 
No, I'm Brian!
I'm Brian!
I'm Brian!
I'm Brian and so's my wife!

* Joke warfare sketch. Superb.


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## tookish-girl

Hey, you know, Michael Palin didn't keep a straight face during the "anyone else want a little giggle" speech. You can see him trying to turn away from the camera so you can't see him smiling. Ahhhhhhhhhh, too too funny. There was a Monty Python thread in Stuff and Bother, i'll briefly resurrect it for advertising if you like!


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## legoman

I am Brien of Stuff and Bother
I seek the Holy Grail
Purple.

haha, hmmm, bing.


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## HobbitGirl

I feel deprived....the only Monty Python flick I've seen is Holy Grail. Someday...someday soon!....I will rent and watch THEM ALL!! I love Monty Python!

I adore and cherish the Knights who say Ni.


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## The_Swordmaster

The Knights who say Ni are the best.
"You must cut down a tree with this herring!"
I also love their second name. I can't spell it though.

The witch scene in the Holy Grail is the best.
"She turned me into a newt. She what? Well I got better."

How about a trivia game?

What are all of the replys after Sir Bettervive(sp.) says " What else floats besides wood." In the Holy Grail?


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## HobbitGirl

"Churches"
"Really small rocks!"
"Brown gravy!"

That's all I know.


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## The_Swordmaster

Your missing a couple that I can think of. But don't forget king Aurther's respones to.


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## Aulë

BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of
wood.
BEDEMIR: And therefore--?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch!


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## The_Swordmaster

Good job Aule. Your make the next queston.


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## Aulë

What is the name of that viscious rabbit in The Holy Grail?


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## tookish-girl

Sorry, don't want to interupt trivia game, but must post that the knights until fairly recently were the knights who say Ni, changed their name to:

The Knights who say: "Eckyeckyeckyfurtangzooooooooooooboyhmmmahmamm"

Thanks! Over to you, Aule!


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## tookish-girl

Oh I know this one!!!!

The rabbit of Caerbannog! Has a mean streak a mile wide!!!!
Are these just movie questions or can we do tv show ones too?


EDIT: Okay, i'll ask a tv show one and hope someone gets it. Nice and easy: What was special about Arthur Jackson?


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## Maeglin

Morgoth you are my hero!! This is a great idea!!! Anyways my title is "Sir colossally-idiotic, the only male of the Castle Anthrax." Ohhhh it's not a very good name is it? Oh but the women here are nice! And they attend to my every every need!!


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## Goldberry344

If i may join, and claim the title of the Minister of Silly walks, i would be most delighted, you silly sots.


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## The_Swordmaster

Well I think you stumped us on this one Tookish. Btw where is Morgoth are leader at he's been missing.


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## tookish-girl

> _Originally posted by tookish-girl _
> *I'll ask a tv show one and hope someone gets it. Nice and easy: What was special about Arthur Jackson? *



I'll give the answer then and post a better question!

Arthur Jackson was better known as Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson, who of course only actually had one shed. 
Okay, easier question:
What type of parrot is the dead parrot?


Oh and here is a hilarious script for the sketch called "The Man who speaks in anagrams" Enjoy:
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/anagrams.txt


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## Idril

Norwegian Blue and it was only sitting on the perch because it's feet were nailed there. (I've gate crashed your guild - sorry ) Answer courtesy of husband who is 6 yrs my senior!


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## The_Swordmaster

Well Idril it is your turn to make the next queston.


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## Idril

*Idril yells for husband to give her a question*

What was the ultimate torture instrument of the Spanish Inquisition? (from the TV series).


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## The-Elf-Herself

The comfy chair, I believe.

By the way, can I join? I'm a huge Monty Python fan. I would be the Official Adiministrator of the Dead Parrot Society, Adjunct, Tertiary, and Otherwise A Part of the Guild of Megolamaniacal Monty Python Lovers.


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## Wolfshead

> _Originally posted by Idril _
> *Norwegian Blue and it was only sitting on the perch because it's feet were nailed there. (I've gate crashed your guild - sorry ) Answer courtesy of husband who is 6 yrs my senior! *


 Damn you! I was gonna answer that - I've just finished watching it for the umpteenth time with some of my friends  Oh, yeah, and if you don't all mind, I'm going to join  I'll think up a title at some stage... Maybe


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## Idril

> _Originally posted by The-Elf-Herself _
> *The comfy chair, I believe. *



Yes you're up


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## The-Elf-Herself

Okay, um, hmmm. Alright, who was the which sketch was this phrase used:

"Explain it to the Colonel Dino."


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## The_Swordmaster

I'm sorry to break up the trivia game but I have an Idea that I think the guild would like.

I propose an Monty Python RPG. This is what I been thinking. How about we do a mock up of the Fellowship. We have certain Holy Grail charaters play as LOTR charaters. for example King Aurther could be Frodo and Patsy could be Sam. Or even better Sir Robin be Frodo and have his singing minsterl(sp.) be Sam.

I think you understand what I mean. So if we do we need to figure out which HG charaters would be the best LOTR charater.


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## Aulë

OK, I'll be Sir Lancelot. John Cleese is the funniest man that I've ever seen.


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## The_Swordmaster

But we need to figure which HG charater will play each LOTR charater.

John Cleese is the best. Did you ever see John Cleese's Guide on How to Irritate People. That movie is the best.


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## Wolfshead

Elrond could be the head of the Knights That Say Ni. After all, Elrond sent them off to destroy the Ring, the Knights to find a shrubbery  See the similarity - sent the heroes off on a quest


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## The_Swordmaster

Ok I think that will work out nicely. We need more ideas. 

I think that Sir Robin should be Frodo and his singing minstril(sp.) should be Sam. I was also thinking King Aurther and Patsy but they are bigger charaters not at all like hobbits.


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## Aulë

The Bridgekeeper = The Balrog at the Bridge of Khazud-dum 
The Rabbit of Caerburg = one of the Nazgul


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## The_Swordmaster

The head French knight = Sauron.
Tim the Enchanter = Gandalf.


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## Aulë

Galadriel = Newt (The lady at the Castle Anthrax)


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## The_Swordmaster

King Aurther = Aragorn
Sir Not Appearing in this Film = Biblo


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## Goldberry344

its Zoot not Newt....newt is from the wich burnng scene..."She turned me into a newt...a newt....i got better"

let us broaden our horizons. i say Frodo should be Brian from The Life of Brian. Saruman should be Caesar. leader of the Nazgul should be Cardinal Fang from The Spanish Inquisition.


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## Wolfshead

Oh, yes, that talk of the Life Of Brian reminds me of my favourite Monty Python moment - the discussion about 'Biggus Dickus'. I couldn't stop laughing!

Ahem, yes, well, ignore me...

On second thoughts, let's not ignore me, that's silly  Why not make Bicycle Repair Man into Aragorn? The hero that comes along and saves the day? Ok, shutting up now


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## The_Swordmaster

Well Goldie the reason I said Holy Grail only is because that is the guaranteed Monty Python thing everyone has saw. Some of the younger members will certainly not see the T.V. shows since they were done mostly in the 70's if I can remember.


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## Goldberry344

hey hey, im only fifteen and i've seen them! this is a guild for fans of MP! personally, i dont think you can be a MP fan and not have seen at least one television episode....they rent them out in video stores!  

and i like that idea, Craig!


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## Wolfshead

Yeah, most people who are fans will have at least watched some of the TV series'. I've got the Best Of Monty Python Volume 1 on DVD (Best of series 1). And that's all the Python I own  I've seen Life Of Brian, though, and a good deal of the Holy Grail. I shall be borrowing the rest of it off a friend in the next few days. Yes, berate me, I have not seen all of the Holy Grail  

Has anyone seen Michael Palin's Ripping Yarns? I've got 3 videos of it on loan from my English teacher - so far only one has been worth watching again, Tompkinson's Schooldays. It's so funny! I could watch it continuously  Seriously, it beats most Python stuff!

And of course it was a good idea, Goldberry - I thought of it


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## Goldberry344

of course, craig   

and btw, your post count is currently 666! you evil person you!


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## Wolfshead

Yes, now I have reached the blessed 666 posts I intend to now take over the world, mwuahahaha! All will love me and despair, or I'll just kill them, or something  What do mean, my count's 667? Darn, missed my chance...


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## Morgoth

> Btw where is Morgoth are leader at he's been missing.


He is here, my friends. I have been absent from the forum due to watching 24 hour newscasts! I want to express my deepest gratitude for everyone who kept this thread alive. At one point, this thread nearly died on its legs, but some people (not me, I'm a pessimist) believed in it. So, before this turns into a weepy Halle Berry speech, I would like to say:
NI!


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## Morgoth

Sauron= The Military Self Defense Teacher - "Now, attack me with that peach...."


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## The_Swordmaster

The Black Knight = Saruman

Ok here is the list of the chosen Charaters.

Frodo = Sir Robin
Elrond = Head knight of Ni
Gandalf = Tim the Enchanter
Aragron = King Aurther
Galadriel = Zoot
Saruman = Black Knight
Sauron= The Military Self Defense Teacher
Urukgush = Head French kinght
The Balrog of Khazud-dum = The Bridgekeeper 
Leader of Nazul = Cardinal Fang
One of the Nazgul = Rabbit of Caerburg

We still need to find out who to play the rest of the LOTR charaters.


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## Aulë

Another Nazgul= Death (From The Meaning of Life)
Legolas= Sir Lancelot from The Holy Grail
Gondor Army= The Mob from The Holy Grail
Glorfindel= The Shrubber from The Holy Grail
Another Nazgul= The Beast of Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg
Denethor= The Fat Guy from The Meaning of Life
Faramir= The Waiter from The Meaning of Life
Boromir= The Guy who had his leg 'bitten off by a mosquito' in The Meaning Of Life
Theoden= Sir Bedemere from The Holy Grail
Orcs= Frenchmen From The Holy Grail


(We need some Life Of Brian characters)


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## The_Swordmaster

Samwise = Patsy

We still need Marry, Pippin, Gollum, Gimli, Eomer, Eowyn and Arwen. That is all I can think of right now.


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## tookish-girl

It's not Caesar, it's Pontius Pilate! Okay, this is a mixture of films and TV programmes:

Merry - The Nudge nudge wink wink man "Say no more, say no more!"

Pippin -Ernest Scribbler, Author of the Funniest Joke in the World

Gollum -The man in the fish slapping dance

Gimli -One of the Spam Vikings

Eomer -Nissus Wettus "Crucifixion? Good, 1st on the left, one cross each"

Eowyn -Judith, Life of Brian

Arwen -Deidre, who goes to see the marriage guidance counsellor "What is your name? It must be something to do with moonbeams!"

Denethor -Upper class Twit of the Year

Rosie Cotton -Brian's mother

Grima Wormtngue -the announcer in "Blackmail" "Hello and welcome to Blackmail...."

J.R.R "Two Towers" Tolkien -Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson


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## legoman

OK theres just no way you thought all them up whilst typing out the list, some of those have too much connection, you didn't think about it did you??? I'm not sure thats allowed.
haha, genius though. Something to do with moonbeams. hahaha!!


one point:'Pippin -Ernest Scribbler, Author of the Funniest Joke in the World' Does that mean pippins dead?.. well I guess his funeral is in S&B.


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## tookish-girl

Yeah, well afterwards I thought he could be Mr Cheeky from Life of Brian. Actually he could pretty much be any character played by Eric Idle!

Strangely enough I did do all those in one post. It did take me about 10 mins to think of them all and I'm sure that moonbeams line's a mis-quote!


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## legoman

Well I understood exactly who you mean when I read it.

I love Merry though: Pearly eh? pearly? sir, eh? does she like photography? eh? candid? eh? sir? eh? does she like taking photographs sir? eh? I bet she does sir, I bet she does!


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## tookish-girl

What about Denethor as Upper Class Twit of the Year?

"Oh look, Denethor's trying to set fire to his son!" 
"And he burns into second place."

Sorry, this is a bit sick isn't it?


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## Morgoth

> Another Nazgul= The Beast of Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg


I think the Black Beat of Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg would work better as the Balrog


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## legoman

'And denethor is now approaching the 'kick the dead tree' section and, oh no he's missed, he's kicked himself... oh he's up, he's trying again... oh he's been pushed and landed on the tree, well he thinks it counts, he's now moving onto the ancestors tomb...'

haha, great idea.


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## tookish-girl

And he's coming up to the row of white cakes that he has to jump over....no, he's going to over way....and he's trying to jump off the castle wall.......no, he's back and has successfully jumped the cakes...............though now he's decided to sit and eat them instead of contuing.....and he's been overtaken by his son the late Lord Boromir, another contender for Upper Class Twit of the year and Celebourn is trying to get the bra of Galadriel, but it's just not working............ no, no, Denthor's back in he game over blowing his horn and waking up the neighbours.


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## legoman

'oh and boromirs broken his horn and can't blow it... faramir the slightly less silly is now making a storming break for the lead having completed all the tasks in about three seconds... but oh no, whats this, denerthor has shot him in the head, oh what a blow for faramir, he looked so promising...'


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## tookish-girl

What about Eomer as Nissus Wettus?

"Now, battle?.....Good, first on the left, one horse each"


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## legoman

up steps gimli...
'horse?'
'no actually, box.'
'what?'
'well they said I was little too short and that I should just get a box instead.'
'oh right, erm off you go then.'
'no only joking, I want a horse really...'


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## tookish-girl

Hahaha! Classic!
But he still is a Viking, why? Because he looks like one!
Also, because he gets to sing this:

Cram, cram, cram, cram,
Cram, cram, cram, cram,
Cram, cram, cram, cram,
Craaaaaaaaaaamm!
Wonderful Cram!

See? I know more about Dwarfs then you'd think!


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## legoman

what? so you're saying dwarves don't study very well for exams and then they stay up all night the day before trying to fit in all the work they can.

Doesn't sound like dwarves to me. this sounds more like dwarves:
'hi ho hi ho its of to work we go...'


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## Morgoth

Random Quote #1
"He's not Isildur's Heir, he's a very naughty boy"


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## Wolfshead

> _Originally posted by legoman _
> *what? so you're saying dwarves don't study very well for exams and then they stay up all night the day before trying to fit in all the work they can.*


 No, that's me...


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## Moriquende

And now for something completely different!!!! I am a huge fan of Monty Pythons so I would like to join,besides I am the keeper of the monster of Arrrr,the guardian of the manual of the Holy Grenade,the leader of the expedition to the two peaks of Kilimantzaro and the Wizard Tim (hope no one else got this title...)!!!

"In scene 24 great performances by Aragorn where he finds the pieces of Narsil carried to Rivendell by a swallow...actually two swallows, two african swallows that have straped the pieces together by a line made of grass under their wings...."


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## Wolfshead

I reckon you'll all remember the Iraqi Information Minister, yes? Well, I got this from www.WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com ...


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## Emowyn

I have this to say to you all:

"I will not buy this record, it is scratched!"


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## legoman

My flatmate bought a t-shirt in virgin he other day with that iraqi guy on a picture of the dead parrot sketch with the comment.
"This parrot isn't dead he's simply 'resting'"


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## Wolfshead

Hey, I have a picture like that saved! *Goes off to look for picture like that saved*

Finds it


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## Marah Seph

Hmmm Monty Python... lovely.. 

I would ever so much like to join. I haven't seen the shows... blasted american TV! But I have seen Holy grail and the Life of Brian. 

Always look on the bright side of life! *whistle* 

I would like to hold the title of the holder of the paddle for the spankings that are sure to ensue.


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## Morgoth

Of course, the title is yours. We need to breath some life back into the guild. So would ALL guild members put forward their favourite quote, anytime soon.


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## Aulë

From the folk of Monty Python:

_Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. 

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . best at being evil .. . we're the best." Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. 

"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool." 

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. 

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable". 

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. 

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's because no one's asked.
_


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## Wolfshead

That's great! Where did it come from?


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## Aulë

I'm not sure.
I found it on the web, and Scatha told me that crew of Monty Python did that in a stand-up or something.


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## Marah Seph

Darned stupid american TV! You'd think they'd air it on comedy central.... or do they?


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## Wolfshead

I just did a search for it, and everywhere says it's by John Cleese. So, you're right, Aule.


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## legoman

haha, yeah, tookish sent me that in an e-mail in the middle of that war thing they had. hehe.


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## Wolfshead

War? Oh, yeah, _that_ war


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## Marah Seph

Aint John Cleese doing the bond movies now? I think I thought I heard he was.


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## legoman

yeah, he's taken over as Q.

Rather well actually!


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## Marah Seph

Cool. Thanks. I thought so... but I don't trust my family with things like that. They usually don't answer me so.. yeah.


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## The_Swordmaster

John Cleese is also in the Harry Potter movies. He plays Nearly Headless Nick.


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## legoman

yup, he's becoming quite the character actor. 
Still at least he does them in a funny way.


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## Marah Seph

Ok so he isn't doing what he used to... big deal! Besides he probably makes more money this way.


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## legoman

huh?
what did I say?
whats money got to do with anything, money is rubbish.

John Cleese is a genius, do you know he bought the house next door to his own in california (I think it was there) so he could choose his own next-door neighbour. Genius.


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## Manwe

'And now for something completely different'  
I only saw this thread a second ago and haven't had the chance to read through but I thought it might be something I would like so can I join (if there is such a thing??  )
I basically grew up with Monty Python and it has shaped my strange sense of humour which the two other Python fans (my father and brother) share


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## Noldor_returned

I am way too young for Python, but still know most of it as well as anyone.
My name has to be Crank, the amazing wonder-blob


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## Firawyn

he, why am i just now seeing this thread. Coolness. Well me, I'm not a super monty python fan et, but my friend's dad got me to watch The Holy Grail, and then I proceeded to follow that with The Meaning Of Life (way cool)

Any other title recomendations?


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## Wolfshead

I usually find Americans are always talking about the films, but I rarely see the tv series' mentioned. They're well worth checking out.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!


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## Erestor Arcamen

I havent seen Holy Grail in such a long time, but I love that movie! 

she turned me into a newt!
a newt?
well, I got better! 

hahahaha, Monty Python is the greatest! I need to watch the tv series too, i heard they're really funny!


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