# Continue This Totally Ridiculous Story...



## HLGStrider

This is pretty typical... I want it to go a long time and be as ridiculous as possible... It is a story about nothing... keep it clean. Have some fun...

Yesterday morning Bob woke up, stepped out of bed, and fell through a hole in his floor... Down and down and down he fell... He fell for three hours straight, which caused him to miss his breakfast. Finally he landed... BOOM!!! He looked up. Far above him was the pinpoint of light... the hole he'd fallen from.

"Geez... Now I must go find some breakfast," Bob sighed. He walked around town. It was a strange town, with paper houses and such. Bob felt a little bit chilly because he was only wearing his pajamas...


----------



## 7doubles

bob started picking roots out of the ceiling, no dought stores from nearby farms. this theivery must only be the work of the rading rabbits clique. quick bob to the bat cave. Meanwhile at fluffy menace hideout. hay paches where is the bosses take on the potato job? the boss; Fluffy the swichblade, ya bovs nice job, nice job see. these are the good stuff see, pure genuine Idaho white spud. why, we could get three carretts apeice for these bad boys from the mole gang....


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was munching his root when a little group of brown furry creatures wearing large glasses jumped him from behind and dragged him down down down down down into their secret hideout...
"The law of gravity is very much against me today," sighs Bob... The mole gang ties Bob to a chair and starts to tickle him with an artichoke.


----------



## 7doubles

i am the big cheese, king of the mole gang. why have you tresspassed in my domain. i believe the rabbits are behind this intrution, he is a clique agent. guards, bring this prisoner to the pit!!


----------



## HLGStrider

Uh... Rabbit, like Bugs Bunny?" Bob stammered futily as they dragged him to the pit... "NO... NOT FALLING DOWN AGAIN..."

"All right," said the big cheese. "Throw him up!!" They threw him up and he stuck half way through the ceiling half way out. This was painful. They then pulled off his bed rooms slippers... They were pink bunny ones... definate proof that he was with the rabbits. 
"I wonder if they'd pay for him to return unharmed... this could be worth a few turnips."


----------



## 7doubles

the constant torment of the artachoke tickling Bobs poor feet was just too much. sudenly yellow water came dripping down from the ceiling and landed on the head of Big Cheesy.


----------



## HLGStrider

ooc: Gross, 7...

The moles quickly run to take a shower, leaving Bob to try and dislodge himself from the tight hole. The top of his head was sticking through the city street and people walking by kept putting their trash in him mouth.... obviously mistaking him for a garbage can...

"This is most disconcerting," thought Bob. Finally, the garbage man came, pulled Bob out of the hole, and threw him in the back of the garbage truck... Bob traveled towards the city dump with the furious moles on his tail.


----------



## 7doubles

where he was then dumped into the local garbich pit. meanwhile the town sheriff, Harry T Foxhound cought wind of the resent events and bolted toward the garbich dump to save his old friend Bob from the notorios mole gang and the evil king cheesy.


----------



## Zale

Bob had had enough. He scrambled on to the roof of the rubbish truck and, swaying precariously, made his way to the front. He dived in the passenger seat, leant across and started to strangle the driver. His fingers met soft rabbit fur. He screamed and let go. HE opened the door, and threw himself out of it, landing in an open manhole...


----------



## HLGStrider

DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN AGAIN!!!

Bob landed hard on his rear... 
"Ow..." he moaned. "This is just not my day... and still in my pajamas with no breakfast!!!" He found a half of sandwitch from the garbage dump stuck in his pocket. It was only a little moldy and he scraped that part off and dined with relish... Unfortunately it was a rabbit food sandwitch, but Bob was a vegetarian so that was okay.


----------



## 7doubles

as bob made his way home, he ran into his friend sherif foxhound. "how are today Harry" bob replyed.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Lousy... My toenails are turning purple and falling out and my teeth all ache... I think I am being poisoned by my uncle Roy, the deadly wolf of the Appalacians."


----------



## 7doubles

Bob "ikky! sounds like a personal proublem"


----------



## HLGStrider

"Definately," sighed the fox. "Well, I am also trying to round up the evil mole gang who has recently robbed six produce stands. We suspect they are making the illegal drug "Veggiemite" out of the goods."
"Not that!" gasped Bob. "The villians! May I help you stop them? I think I know where the mole's hideout is!!!" 
"We have to be careful, because under the guacamoli act of nineteen sixty nine they have a right to very large, peashooters."

And the fox was right. When they approached the hideout they were immediately showered with boiled peas.


----------



## 7doubles

while runnig Bob tripped and fell into quicksand, sinking slow, bob finjly reached the bottom; when bottom oppened up into the celng of a great caveren and bob landed on a huge sticky net that covered a vast crice in the in the caveren floor.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Ah... what is this?" asked a high pitched spidery voice (if you don't know what a spidery voice is it is your own fault). Bob felt eight long legs pick him up by his pajama pants and shake him... "Strange four appendaged creature..."


----------



## Kementari

the spider poked at Bobs ribs. "ooh very plump it is. you must be tasty. you will make a fine third breakfast, yes."
The spider moved closer to Bob and proceeded to tie him up in its sticky web. Bob kicked and screamed "Begone foul spawn of Ungoliant! *cough* what did i just say? I mean Get the heck away from me you stinky overgrown tryanchula" He swated at the creatures face witch caused it to make a most ghastly high pitched screach.
"fiesty, eh? i'll teach you" said the spider. It stuck out its teeth and was about to bite bobs neck injecting him with vemon.
Just at that moment a rabbit in a tight red and blue suit leaped across the cavern and kicked the spider violently on the head rendering it unconcious.
"Follow me" said the masked bunny "i know a way out"


----------



## HLGStrider

ooc: Nice Kem... 

The Bunny (Who's name will remain unknown so that we may protect his secret identity)sprang up through the hole in the quick sand and up through the hole in Bob's bedroom floor... He then punched through the roof and the ozone layer. 
"Whoops!" the Bunny then gasped. "I'm late for my guest appearance in Watership Down!!!" 
The Bunny dropped Bob who found himself once again falling down down down down... just before he hit the earth the Bunny swooped down and grabbed him.
"Bet I scared you!" he smirked.


----------



## HLGStrider

*What about Bob?*

Bob was returned to his bedroom where he proceded to change into his excersize clothing. He jogged down to the club and then hopped on the treadmill... It went too fast, however, and he couldn't turn it off... It went faster, and faster, and faster.... and zoosh... It pulled Bob into the works. It spun him around a few times before depositing him in the club pool... The water started to drain, spiraling... the giant maelstrom pulled him in......... swwwish........... Bob was gone... Where was Bob???


----------



## Ecthelion

Bob saw he was in another liquid. It was yellow though. He saw a log and swam over to it and got on it. He looked up and saw a huge butt go up. "Oh NO!" He muttered. Then the person flushed the, yes you guessed it, toilet.


----------



## HLGStrider

*Yuck... should've seen this coming.*

Bob was swished down into a rank darkness... It did not smell very good... Fortunately, there was a large raft of a paper substance floating nearby and he clung to this...

He saw light and started to climb for it... occasionally he was flushed back down, but he managed to struggle to the top... he emerged in the middle of the Bunnies' secret hideout... They grabbed him, but immediately regretted it...

"Man, you stink!!!"


----------



## Ecthelion

When he finally looked safe, a shoadow swept over him. Bob looked up and saw a towering poo the size of the Empire State Building. In awe Bob looked up and stared at it. The poop took a giant poopy step and squashed Bob drowning him in poop. He swirled around and everything went white, well I guess I should say, everything went brown. Then........................................


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

a genitically altered rabbit who was mixed with a swallow named Mrs. Bunny Brown swooped down and saved bob from drowning.Then she flew bob to her hole in the tree, and gave him herb stew.When all seemed to be going peachy tragedy struck...very hard a gigantic mouse worm hit the bunny-swallow in her left wing with is slimy tail...The bunny-swallow tried to hit the mouse worm with the soup ladel but was tripped with the mousy-worm and Mrs. Bunny Brown fell on her face in the soup. The mousy-worm picked up bob and dragged him to her secret lair


----------



## Ecthelion

Then the creature bent over and................pooped punds and pounds of poop upon Bob...........


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:enough with the poop!

Then the Bunny-Swallow name Mrs. Bunny Brown recoverd from her tripping and rescued poor bob from the pooing mousey-worm.


----------



## HLGStrider

Thank you Mrs. Bunny... You have saved my life.
How can I ever repay you?"

"Quite simple. You must now get me five lion hairs off his mane, a doggy bisquit, and three salmon eggs."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Then I'll be off marm and don't you worry I will get those things," Bob says as he leaves the bunny-swallows home.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Brave boy," Bunny-Swallow sighs. She wipes a tear from her eye and then goes inside to watch her favorite soap.

A news flash comes on
"ATTENTION!!! A FUGITIVE NAMED BOB WEARING PJ'S AND BUNNY SLIPPERS IS ON THE LOOSE. HE IS DANGEROUS. A MEMBER OF THE BUNNY GANG."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then bob remembers that Mrs bunny lived in a tree and falls down to the ground."Damn! that hurt really bad!" Bob screams. mrs bunny notices she looks down ,"you alright boy?" she asks. "Oh i'm just peachy!" he angrily responds. "you don't sound alright should I get a first aid kit." Mrs Bunny asks. "It might help" bob says with anger and sarcasim. Mrs. Bunny Brown swoops down with a first aid kit


----------



## Ecthelion

Then Bob pulls out a poop flinger gun and poops the thing with the firs aid to death. Bob laughs and runs away.


----------



## HLGStrider

The evil Bob, having turned to the dark side, is now relentlessly pursued by the brave crime fighting team of super bunny and the fox from earlier in our story.
It was not hard to find Bob because he was the only guy in bunny slippers. 
The fox closed in... Just as a group of moles rushed up and started a fierce firefight.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

In the rush of the activity, bob ran away from the fighting and hid in a cave with a frog named Jerry-Bob.


----------



## Kit Baggins

Suddenly an enormous ffot (a la Monty Python) descended from the ceiling and squashed Jerry-Bob. Terrified, Bob ran out of the cave, only to be pursued by short green furry things on pogo sticks (can you tell I'm insane  ?). Torn between fighting and being mercilessly bounced on, he ran back into the thick of battle.


----------



## HLGStrider

The fox saw him coming. With a cry of victory he rushed up and grabbed Bob by the collar.
"It wasn'tme!" Bob gasped. "It was my evil twin."
"Tell that to judge Willow," the fox said.


----------



## Ecthelion

Then out came The Knights of Ni! Ni NI NI they said making all around crouch to the ground then the leader of The Knights said...........


----------



## HLGStrider

"NI! Bob is our prisoner. He is the one who has offended our traditions. He must suffer the ancient torture right of ni ni ni ni ni!!!"
"NI NI NI NI NI!!!" chant the ni-ers. "NI NI NI!!!"
"Sure, take him," shrugs the fox.


----------



## Elbereth

The Knights that say "NI!" get very agitated.

"NI! NI!" *the fox jumps back in fear*

"We not only want BOB! We want you to bring us a SHRUBBERY!!!" says the leader of the knights. The other Knights chatter in agreement. 

"A SHUBBERY! I CAN'T GET A SHRUBBERY!!! What do you think I am...a GARDENER!" , the fox says outraged.


"NI NI NI NI NI!!! THAT IS UNEXCEPTABLE! Weee, the knight that say NI shall take you also as prisoner as well!!!. "NI NI NI NI NI!!!" "


----------



## HLGStrider

The Ni Knights take Bob and the Fox and a couple bushes and plant them in the ground. They then start to dance around them yelling "NI NI NI NI NI".
"Is it just me or are these guys really annoying?" Fox scowls.
"Yeah.... I'll take the judge any day," Bob moans.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

In a reckless act of bravery and cunning (not to metion utter skill) the black knight recently defeated by Arthur hobbles his limless torso over to the Knights who say ni 
"Have you seen this king guy around here? He wears a crown and talks about his court at camelot." he asks.
"NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,
NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI, this king has not passed by leave before you torso-man become priisoner." the Knights of ni respond.
"Oh bloody hell all I ask is if king arthur passed by and I get a migrane, bugger!" The limless knight says while amazingly moving along the ground.


----------



## HLGStrider

The delimbed knight starts to leave but trips over Bob, freeing him from the dirt. The Knights give a cry of horror.
"NI NI NI NI NI!!!"
They chase after him


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

the limbless knight rolls his eyes and says,"bloody morons." while hobbling away


----------



## HLGStrider

"I hate it when this happens," scowls the fox. He is then approached by the chief knight who is carrying a blender, a six pack of Coronas, a live chicken, and an electric cattle prod.
"This does not look good," Bob thinks.


----------



## Elbereth

"BOO!!!" yells the fox...which scares the chicken...causing the knight to fall over, droping both the cattle prod and the six pack of corronnas in the process.

Bob starts laughing, but then the fox, nudges him to get moving and the two run out of the forrest...with the angry sounds of "NI!" trailing behind them!


----------



## Ecthelion

Soon they come to a giant castle. The fox and Bob yell "hello? Can someone let us up please?" Soon a French sticks his head over the window. "Go away!" 'No we need a place to hide!' "We will not let you. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of enderberries!" Soon after cows and other animals fly over the castle at Bob and the Fox.


----------



## Elbereth

Bob turns to the fox...

"Is it just me...or did we walk into a Monty Python movie?"

The fox opens his mouth to respond...when a spotted cow lands on him...squishing him to a pulp.


----------



## Ecthelion

Soon the Knights who say NI come after Bob and find the castle fring animals. The knights get abgry so the battle "NI NI NI NI NI NI!" said the knights "MOO MOO WOOF MEOW!" Bob slipped out and watched the battle.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Okay, that was wrong," Bob breathes. He then takes off and dives into the moat. He hears a familiar John Williams theme... Da-da... IT IS HALISTER! THE EVIL SEA MONSTER WHO LIKES JOHN WILLIAMS THEMES!!!

Halister starts humming the Imperial March from Star Wars. To battle him Bob starts a selection of Star Trek themes.
"I HAVE FAITH, FAITH OF THE HEART..."


----------



## Ecthelion

Then a big nuclear missle falls out of the sky and..............


----------



## Elbereth

the bomb proves to be defective...and falls into pieces...landing all over the moat ...angering the EVIL SEA MONSTER. He then ignores Bob, as he swims to and fro complaining and muttering to himself.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, however, has been struck by a piece of falling misile and has lost what wits he has. He is immediately transported to another world where Captain Picard and Janeway are fighting Kirk and Archer for superiority. This lasts until Spock leads a counter attack and hits Bob on the head again.He falls back to earth, right on top of Halister.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and then in some freak accident(or unlikely happening) Bob is teleported to the Millenium falcon where he finds Han Solo and Leia organa making out


----------



## HLGStrider

"Stop that right now, young man!" Bob here's himself burst out.
"Why should I?" Han scowls.
"I am your father!!!"
"I thought you were Luke's father," Leia frowns. 
"No that's... uh... wait... Never mind," Bob decides. He then disconnects the hyperdrive and gets carried off by a mynock.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than R2 reconnects the hyperdrive


----------



## HLGStrider

and the Falcon shoots off into space, barely missing a supernova. VROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Bob, hanging on to the back with the mynock eating his toes, is severely shaken.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and then they reach Bespin


----------



## HLGStrider

Lando makes a move on Leia and Han shoots him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than they go back to the falcon and face the empire starship avenger...Vader's plan fails to capture luke becasue no bait is there.Bob lands in vaders arms after being flung through space


----------



## HLGStrider

He knocks Vader's hat off, revealing Meg Ryan. 

"MY SECRET IS OUT!!!" She/he weeps.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so bob begins to pick vaders nose.


----------



## HLGStrider

Vader calls in Dr. Von Trapp Von Eidenheiden Von Schimdt Von Trap, the evil Natzi torture guy to take Bob away. Deep the the Star Destroyer's belly, the evil Dr. begins his interrogation.
"We have ways of making you talk..."
"Well, I when I was a kid my parents bought me a quick sand box. I was an only child... eventually..."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than when all seemed lost for bob Indiana Jones came and saved bob and Marian from the evil doctor dude, and puts bob in a sack so he can be taken on the airplane to egypt so Indiana jones can find the lost arc


----------



## Ecthelion

Then Han Solo, Indiana Jones get in a fight, and out of nowhere comes the Han solo from K-19 comes in and they all start fighting. After awhile Darkhelmet appears. He uses the shwartz and kills all the Harrison Ford's. Now he has his ring pinted and Bob about to inflict the Shwartz on him.


----------



## Elbereth

*Bob then points to something behind Dark Helmet*

"Look over there!*

Dark Helmet looks behind him....and then Bob runs away laughing

"Hahahaha...that is the oldest trick in the book. I can't believe you fell for it!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Evie from the Mummy ressurects all the Harrison ford's and they all fight Darth Helmet.Bob runs away to run into col. Sanders and president screwb


----------



## Ecthelion

Not only them, but a Druish Princess, Dot, and Barf. Then in their ship of NI comes the Knights. And THEN there's a clossal battle between The Knights who say Ni, Dark Helmet, Col. Sanders, Prez Shrewb, The Haarrison Fords, Evie, and the Dink-dink's and poor Bob stuck in the middle.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Suddnenly*dah,duh, duh* the documentary film maker comes in pausing the action

"Now that this story is completely and utterly failing beyond all human reason. Let me provide you with information on sexuality in the ancient world."


----------



## Elbereth

With everyone's attention drawn away from Bob and to the film director...Bob feels that this is the best momment to sneak away before anyone realizes that he is gone.


----------



## Ecthelion

But then from the mist comes the MIB holding a piece of paper. They look at it and pull out those little cricket guns at Bob. Bob is very confused so he kicks one in the shin and starts to run.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Han solo catches bob and spins him around upsidown


----------



## Ecthelion

Then the MIB all blow up Han Solo, but miss Bob. Now the armies fighting come to their senses and realise they all want Bob. So, the MIB, Harrison Fords, Knights who say NI, The French, Dink-Dinks, DarkHelmet , President Screwb, Col.Sanders, The Mummy, Evie, Jonathan, Evie's husband(forgot his name), and now Ewoks are running after poor old Bob. What was he to do?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then as if bob had enough trouble Imhotep and the Scorpion king came running after bob too...Han solo had gotten up...and bob was surrounded in a corner.with Imhoteps cool powers he lifted bob up an flung him against the wall...and then....Emperor palpatine began electrocuting poor bob...and he was having the worst day of his life


----------



## HLGStrider

oc: you guys have me laughing so hard.

It is then that out of the blue the lone ranger and his indian friend Susie (Tonto's sister... don't ask) run up and grab the Swartz!!! They are working for Pizza the Hutt who wishes to capture them all. Even Imhotep is not above the powers of the Swartz. Emperor Papatine faces off with Yogurt and Yoga. 

Bob sneaks into a large cup of instant coffee and hides at the bottom. Kirk and Picard show up and Janeway tries to drink the cup of coffee.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then the world of bob is turned into a cartoon world and bob sees daria and Jane from the MTV show daria walking down the street talking. he in a hurry runs up to them asking them for help..they stare


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob suddenly realizes that the strength of Janeway's coffee has eaten away all his clothes. Desperate he jumps into a nearby mail box.


----------



## Elbereth

Then along hobbles a little old lady, carrying a large bundle of letters.

"Oh dearie me...that was a long walk. Hmmm...now let me see..." *opens the mail slot, but neglects to see Bob inside, his bright eyes peering out of the narrow mail slot.*

"A Christmas card for little Tommy..." *plops the letter inside the slot...hitting Bob squarely on his nose. He stifles a cry* "Another Christmas card for sweet Sue.* *plops the card in the slot and hits Bob once again in the head* "A Christmas letter for dear Mary Lou." *the letter hits Bob once again in the head*

This continues as she goes through her large bundle of Christmas cards, each card hitting him squarely in the face.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob's nose was by this time bloody. Then came the last straw.
"And a fruit cake for that relative I really never liked..." the slot opens.
"NO!!! DON'T!!! STOP!!!" Bob shrieks. The lady screams so loud that her teeth fall out.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Stupid boy." and the lady gave him the cake anyway in the face.


----------



## Ecthelion

Bob fell to the grond and then soon stood up and there was the old lady still putting in Christmas Cards. Then Bob got up behind her and yelled "BOO!" The old lady fell over and fainted then Bob ran up to Daria and Jane and did the same thing and the same thing happened. Then Bob swirled until he was underwater with SpongeBob Squarepants, but he was an evil SpongeBob and started attacking Bob who was running short of air and was naked.


----------



## HLGStrider

On his trail were Dr. Watson and Holmes. They followed the trail of crushed fruit cake to the seaside and there it ended. Just as they were about to give up, a truckload of Nazi guys drove up accompanied by the entire cast of the Sound of Music.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than kevin and britney began to make out on top of bob


----------



## niteshade

Woah, Gee. Um HLGStrider, 7doubles and and Tar- you people deffinetly must have been voted most un-sain in highschool or college or where ever you last domacile of learning was, er should have been. Im not saying thats a bad thing im just saying. Woah. That is first class insanity. The rest of us can only stare in wonder. and purplexity. At your achievments. Congradulations?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

-I just adore back handed compliments!


----------



## HLGStrider

We homeschoolers don't get much recognition on the crazy field... Sigh... We do our best however.


----------



## HLGStrider

Back to the story...

Maria and a Nazi come forward and arrest Britney and Kevin then force them to sing "Do re me fa so la ti" several times through.
"Save us, Bob," they plead.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob refuses to help Kevin and britiney,and runs away, and runs into daria and jane, they stare. Than he runs away and runs into the fasion club, he asks for help but sandy gives him an icy glare and he runs away...than bob gets run over


----------



## HLGStrider

By a deranged double decker bus driver...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and his best guy friend named Jessica.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob fell down a man hole and landed ontop of Oscar the Grouch. He then got kicked to Kingdom Come where PFR was having a concert.
He landed atop a speaker and when that powered up he was blasted into Deep Space Nine...
The Borg attacked.
You will be assimulated.
But Seven of Nine said "No! He will not. We will take him to Degoba to see Master Yoda."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than if things weren't so crazy already Luke skywalker came and put bob in his x-wing class plane to go see Yoda.


----------



## Elbereth

In Yoda's home planet. Yoda makes Bob stand on his head and gravitate objects. Which excites Bob...because he always did want to become a Jedi Knight. 

When he finally learns the force...Bob thanks yoda...and Jet sets to Bermuda for a much needed vacation.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and unlike bob luke does not complete his training, and goes to meet vader where he finds out vader is his daddy.

meanwhile...Bob is surrounded by hot models because he has a real lightsaber in the bahamas


----------



## Elbereth

With a 'Pina Colada' in one hand and his light saber in the other...he wows the beautiful bikini clad models as he flexes his newly developed muscles. 

"Well ladies, how do you like them apples?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than in anger, a reason still unknown, one of the models throws a drink in his face and the other kicks him. They run away with his walet and lightsaber


----------



## HLGStrider

In come Steve Martin and Bill Murry...
"What the heck is that???" Bill asks. 
"I don't know but take my picture with it..."

Bob is soon the biggest photo opportunity on the island.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

after 10 million pictures bob goes blind and than gets caught by vader and turned into carbonite to be taken to jabba the hutt by boba fett.


----------



## HLGStrider

On his way he is captured by a mad art collector who puts him in between "Nude Descending a Stair Case" and the Venus Di Milo. Bpb is admired by art enthusiasists for the next three centuries when a group of preschoolers on a field trip unthaw him... quite accidentally, I assure you.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

*we are mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11*

than He has what is called hibernation sickness and he runs into famous paintings and statuary in the louvre breaking them all. Bob gets arrested and when he explains to them his journey through time space and ect...He is locked up in a straight jacket and sent to a padded room in the gotham city insane assylum (where I'm sure anyone who actively participates in this thread belongs)


----------



## Elbereth

The doctors then convince Bob, that he did not actually go on those journey's and did not meet any of the people he claimed to meet. 

They went on to explain that his dillusions were a result of a rare, yet very extreme case of schizophrenia. And that if he takes a regiment of pills he can be cured in time.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than bob woke up in his own bed,in his own home. "So it was just a dream,"bob said assuirngly. Than he went to his kitchen where he saw the harrison fords, Evie + the cast of the mummy, the cast of sound of music, the cast of daria, evil nazi dudes, emperor palpatine, darth vader, Lando's ghost, and the cast of south park, and all the other stranget things put into this story playing charades


----------



## HLGStrider

And just when he thought things couldn't get worse someone reversed the poles on his car battery and it exploded.


----------



## Ecthelion

Then Bob awoke again, and he had woken up from his dream that he woke up in and found his house empty, but his car had indeed blown up. Then he stepped through a black hole and fell down, down, down. When he reached the bottom he said "I need to find some breakfeast."

OOC: If you don't get it read the first post


----------



## Elbereth

Taking a seat at his breakfast table, Bob pours himself a bowl of cheerios. He is happily eating, until he hears a tiny voice below him. 

He looks down at his cereal bowl to find a tiny man swimming about, gripping onto a cheerio as if it were a lifesaver.


----------



## HLGStrider

"This is not my day," Bob sighs as he swallows the little man and several of his minture compatriots. However, this was a really bad idea, because someone enlarged them a few minutes later.... Bob swelled like the good year blimb.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than bob was attacked by invisible leprechauns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

Who took his drivers license and went to New York.


----------



## Elbereth

So Bob followed the invisible leprachauns to New York. Searching every single Irish pub in the city...he soon gets word that a band of invisible leprachauns were causing a riot at the Copa Cabanna on 42nd Street. He goes to the Copa to investigate.

"Huh...that's weird." Bob says to himself.

At the Copa he finds the leprachauns salsa dancing with unexpecting guests...However, Bob is forced to wait at the door...because he does not have proper identification to get in.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Leperacuans, being invisible, turn on a CD player and sneak out the back door without anyone knowing the difference.

Bob follows, using his specially set phaser to unmask them. They are the same Lepercauns that Seven of Nine unmasked preforming medical studies on the Voyager crew.

They lead him to the dock where he is shanghaied and forced onto a trawler bound for Catmandoo.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

for some reason the leprechauns are on board with bob....Than the Leprechauns came out of their disgise....and in reality they were...Valley girls...bob shrieked in horor as they took out thier make up kits and tied him up and....began to put makeup on him


----------



## Elbereth

When they are finished giving Bob a makeover, they show him the mirror...and lo' and behold...he looked just like a leprachaun!!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Bob in fear.


----------



## HLGStrider

He then struggles wildly, breaking one of their nails. They all start screaming. Bob jumps over board, swiftly sinking under the cold dark waves. 

The Valley Girls get used to their loss and go to see an N'sync concert.

Bob lands on the bottom in a secret air pocket where he can breathe with ease. Around him the electric eels form into neon signs, advertising the nearest pub. Taking his bubble along, Bob goes to this watering hole.


----------



## Samwise_hero

At the pub Bob meets a wise old eel, called francis. They started talking about old legends of the sea and how the wise old eel used to electricute them when they fell overboard in pirate attacks.
(Sorry if it's crappy, i'm new at this)


----------



## HLGStrider

The wise old eel than exhibited his powers to Bob who stumbled ashore and got a job testing lightbulbs. 

This is where he met Zelda... the girl who's life he lit up...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob....dies


----------



## HLGStrider

The funereal was well attended. There was a group of leperacuans, lots of rabbits, a fox, a bunch of moles, a Druish Princess, all the Harrison Fords, and two Valley Girls... along with assorted others.


----------



## Elbereth

Then suddenly Bob pops up from his casket. Everyone screams in shock and fright.

"I'm not really dead. Honest!"


----------



## Aslan

So they kill him again, just to make sure he's dead.


----------



## HLGStrider

OOC: Cool name, Aslan...

IC: Well, Bob is catapulted into the after life where he finds himself swimming in a bowl of fruitloups with a toucan named Joe. Joe gives Bob a dirty look and tried to drowned him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob died again but he took a hindu turn and became reincarnated however he had bad kharma and was riencarnated into a worm


----------



## HLGStrider

Fortunately he was a Glow Worm and he got a steady job in California.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and as a glow worm some california punk ate him for a dare...than he was reincarneted and still was bad and became a paramecium


----------



## indexerkevin

OC: catch the amazing LOTR reference


IC:

Then one day Bob is crawling along the ground and he sees a foot about to crush him. Could it be Zelda?, whose light he once lit up. He screams to her in wormish and she looks down at him. She says, surprised she knows any of the worm-tongue, "Bob? Is that you?......."


----------



## indexerkevin

OC

oops the story passed me by while I was writing my post! We need a story-rescue!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than the daftness of our last poster whose insanity must be not as bad as elgee's and mine is suddenly erased by an evil sith lord who was once a cool jedi


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob becomes a mix between a Paramecium and a Worm and Zelda takes him home in a petri dish. Unfortunately also in the Petri dish is Bob's rival for Zelda's affections who suffered a strangely similar fate, having died and been reincarnated as a mix between a mayfly and a single celled creature. The duke it out...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

cameras surround the place...it's like fight night in vegas....and the lights go out because of a pinch lit off by one of oceans 11's men and then...(yes thier is more)...the petri dish gets knocked over...and they get stuck to the bottom of brad pitts shoe as they begin to leave vegas...(why do I want to be bob,to be stuck to brad pits shoe)


----------



## indexerkevin

Then someone asked Brad if he has a light. Being a gentleman, he takes out a wooden match and starts to light it on his show. "What's this, he cries!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than bob crawls up brads leg...(o la la...I really want to be bob)


----------



## Samwise_hero

As Bob craws up brad's leg he cries out 'It's like a forest in here'. As he becomes enveloped in Brad's overgrown leg hairs.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than brad notices in itch on his leg and starts hitting bob until bob dies as a paremecium reached Nirvana cause he was a good boy


----------



## HLGStrider

In Nirvana he meets a former scorpian named Icabod who had had similar problems. They get to know each other and become fast friends. Then one day Icabod climbed into the Dali Lama's sleeping bag and gets himself into big trouble.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but bob comes and rescures him, than they go on a night of drinking and passion in Nirvana.


----------



## HLGStrider

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob begins to narrate to Ichobad. When Bob is on page 100 of "A tale of two cities" in his narration Ichobad is now sleeping his drool falling to the floor


----------



## HLGStrider

A police man enters and arrests Bob for the murder of the still very alive Icabod. Icabod is the primary witness. Of course they all are dead...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob seriously questions the police intelligence level and finds out thier in leage with attn. Gen. John ashcroft!! Than Ichobad wakes up and tries to convince the police that he is alive but since everyone in Nirvana is dead anyway how can Bob be charged with murder?Wow as an active participant...this is illogical...insane


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob is dragged off when Janet Reno comes in and wants to have a duel with Ashcroft. Then the Nazis all force their way into Nirvana and kidnap both Bob, Ichabod, and Reno... There goes her campaign...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than the Harrison fords come to save Bob, Reno, ichobad and kill all the nazis


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob is offered a movie contract. He travels to Hollywood where he meets Richard Dryfus and a few more Harrison Fords. They all get together and go out to Chucky Cheeses where they are all attacked by a giant rat. Bob hides under a layer of plastic balls in that toy thing with all the balls.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than as bob watches the rats tear appart the harrison fords. The rat is nearing to attacking harrison ford as han solo ewoks begin to throw rocks at the rat and kills the rat.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob captures an Imperial Chicken Walker...accidentally shoots Leia...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

And han solo begans to beat up bob for shooting leia and luke joins in on the brawl too. So poor bob is in the middle of this fight, and gets hung upsidown from a tree after surrendering.


----------



## HLGStrider

"This isn't what I expected in Nirvana," Bob moans. "Take me back to Kansas..." Bob lands in Kansas with a Tornado approaching.


----------



## Samwise_hero

Bob cries out in panic 'Toto I Think We're In Kansas Again'!
As the Tornado swiftly approaches ripping trees and telegraph poles out of the ground.


----------



## HLGStrider

Zelda the Zebra from Zambia gallops up and rescues Bob. She then takes him to a church and insists on marrying him. Bob starts giving some lame excuses.


----------



## Aslan

So Zelda the Zebra from Zambia cries out"Oh, you're so frustrating! Fine! I'll just go marry Trigger, instead. He runs faster than you, anyway!" Zelda runs off in a fury. Bob just stares in unbelief.


----------



## HLGStrider

It turns out that this was a Hindu church and the monks come out and beat Bob up for wearing his shoes inside. Bob limps out and pays a street Vender for a slightly used Cobra... He thought he was getting a sports car, but this Cobra had fangs. Bob ran for his life before buying a slightly used snake charmer. He then got himself a job on TV and made lots of money... Little did he know that Zelda was watching and plotting revenge.

She'd hired all the Harrison Fords and a Bruce Willis or two just for the heck of it. They were going to turn the Cobra, named Corvetta, against Bob and have him be bitten in the middle of a show... disgrace and death all in one painful nip.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob was shocked...and then when things began to look bad...they got worse....now the nazi's, the cast from sound of music, the knights who say ni, the cast from The mummy serries, the ewoks, Emperor palpatine, the cast from space balls turn against bob...all at the request of Zelda...


----------



## HLGStrider

Just when things couldn't get blacker he got a letter from the IRS...

and the lights went off.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but bob found the letter from the Irs informed bob he overpayed and he got 10,000,000 in the mail!


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob jumped up and down for joy and knocked a spot light down on top of his producer. Bob decided it would be a good time to quit. He retired at St Kitts...

That's when the evil Banana Lord, importer of Albanian Bananas and Balkan Beer, took over, enslaving Bob and confiscating his refund check.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than when all seemed lost bob ran into a witch,"I know you are in pain, I can help your pain buy giving you shape shifting powers." she said to bob. He looked at her and laughed! "Fine I won't help you!" the witch said and stommped off.


----------



## Aslan

Unfortunately for Bob, as the witch Stomped off, she cast a spell and turned him into a Harrison Ford. As Bob looked into a mirror, he screamed in utter despair. "Not Harrison Ford!" he cried. Little did he know that Janet Reno had seen all that had transpired.


----------



## HLGStrider

Janet Reno had him hauled down to the county jail on unspecified charges. There he was tortured with those pens with the feathers on the ends.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But the Bob (out of curiosity is it young harrison ford or k-19 harrison ford) who was turned into harrison ford ran away and began to hang out with the other Harrison fords....and He grew to like them until a foul word was said,"Yeah, I can't stand that bob fellow, he always seems to survive!" Han Solo said. "Your right about that one. He just wont' die...Like me." Indiana jones said. "Yes, he's stubborn too...it's like he has to finish that mission." K-19 ford said. Bob was angry and walked off...


----------



## HLGStrider

He tried to hang out with the Bruce Willis's but they were all getting hair transplants, so he left. 

He then tried to join a Susan Surrandon group, but they quickly caught on that he was not one of them.

Finally he went down by the river to cry. 

A mermaid popped up and handed him a magic frog.


----------



## Samwise_hero

The Mermaid said to him, if you kiss this frog it will turn you back into Bob. If you let it go you will get 3 wishes but you can not wish to be turned back into Bob........
(But he could wish for a million more wishes......)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

He looked at the frog ,"Well If i turn back into bob people will try to kill me. So I'll set you free froggy!" and Bob who looks like harrison ford sets the frog free.


----------



## 7doubles

he then wishes he didn't, instantly the frog reapears


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

with his second wish he wishes for 10,000,000 however he did not specify so he got 10,000,000 straws.


----------



## HLGStrider

Now he did the obvious things with those straws and built himself a house, saving that one last wish for emergencies... Then the big bad wolf..


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

knocked on the door and said,"do you by chance have any brown sugar?" however bob thought it was a trick and killed the big bad wolf without a cauldraon


----------



## HLGStrider

He made him into a coat and went down town. Someone through a bucket of paint over him and he got hauled off by the fish and game people. There he was put on trial by a junto of Salmon... all salmon of the salmon federation were represented... chinook, steelhead, etc.

They weighed him on the scales of justice...

oooh... that's bad... wince.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Luckily bob had not eaten his lunch and he was not that heavy.So Bob was proven innocent and went shopping with the four leading salmon and the judge


----------



## Samwise_hero

While Bob was shopping he found some sparkly red shoes....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but he did not have the money to buy them...


----------



## HLGStrider

However, the judge Chinook liked him and bought him a mink coat... Bob ran for it.


----------



## Samwise_hero

Bob was overtrown by the generosity of the judge, so he ran up to him and gave him a big bear hug. Judge Chinook was taken by surprise and stumbled backwards into a Darell Lea (chocolate) shop. And was met there by the chocolate easter bunny who was in town bright and early for next easter.


----------



## HLGStrider

He put Bob in a basket and carted him away... down the bunny trail.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

where he was left in an easter basket at orlando blooms house. When orlando bloom came out he was dressed like Legolas in his old custome


----------



## HLGStrider

Orlando placed the basket on his computer desk... and Bob was zapped into the frightening world of theTolkienforum.com. Once there he was accosted by the Gollumites who were all dressed in character. Then a moderator accused him of spamming and he had to defend himself in front of the Moderating Council of Death. Then Elgee swept in and started a stupid thread about movies and it distracted them all so much that they left Bob to wander aimlessly through the writers guild.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

**hits head on desk**

to where he met up with tar who put him in a basket and then carried the basket with her when she went to her palace in rhun. thier he saw the magnificent building...geometerically perfect and fell in love with one of TAr's winged handmaidens, stephanie


----------



## HLGStrider

He stares wide eyed at her... She then flies away. He attempts to fly after her, out the window, and ends up at the foot of the palace in Rhun... There were now three or four geometric palaces... or maybe Bob was having a concussion... I don't know which.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than bob finds himself lying down in a comfy bed, Stephanie has taken care of him this whole time. She kisses bob on the forehead


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob melts into a puddle on the floor...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Stephanie looks in horror as martha the easterling cleaning lady mops of Bob and wrings him out in the sea of rhun


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob floated around as an oily substance on the surface of Rhun for a little while before Gollum scraped him up and used him to shampoo what little hair he had left... Bob went around stuck to Gollum's scalp for a century or two.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than one day bob came off gollums head and went into a stream straight into mordor where he met dengen in deep thought over battle plans for the current war


----------



## Elbereth

Then possessed by the spirit of the Valar, Bob grabs Dengen's battle plans and throws them into the pits of Orodruin where it burned to ash even before it even hit the pool lava below.

Bob then clicks his heels three times muttering...

"There's no place like home...
There's no place like home...
there's no place like home..."

And in a swirling whirlwind...Bob returns to Kansas and is lying in his safe warm bed.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than dengen makes new battle plans *that was mean Elbe!*. Alas bob was taken in a tornado Oz


----------



## Elbereth

The tornado then carried Bob away to the Emerald City, where Bob met the Horse of a Different Color...who told him to follow the yellow brick road to Munchkin Land. 

So Bob set out to Munchkin land with a cat named Jinkie following close behind him.

OCC: Lighten up Tar! It was a silly plot twist for this silly story. Don't take things so darn seriously.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

*only joking elbe* (to self are valar type people always this gullable)


And Jinkie attacked bob and sent him to the witch of west's lair


----------



## Elbereth

Upon arriving at the witch of the west lair...Bob discovers that the lair is not actually a lair anymore but a psychadelic love shack.

Apparently the witch's cronies decided to remodel the joint after the very sudden and unexpected melting of the Wicked Witch of the West. As Bob enters the love shack he is hit by a cloud of pink smoke which he inhales with a choke. He then looks back at Jinkie the cat...but Jinkie is no longer behind him. Instead there is a Giant Catapillar behind him smoking a large water pipe. the Catapillar winks at Bob and then chuckles to himself before he takes a long puff on his pipe. 

Bob gives the catapillar a strange droopy look and then rubs his smoke filled eyes.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

after bob rubbed his eyes he was zapped out of the computer and saw orlando bloom as legolas peforming *sillmarillion: The musical*


----------



## HLGStrider

"NO NO ANYTHING BUT THIS!!!" Bob begs as Illuvatar sings ME into existance... Legolas turns and looks at Bob then calls the police. The caterpillar crawlsoutof thecomputer and takes Bob to the Local Taco Bell.


----------



## Samwise_hero

Meanwhile the police turn up at Orlando Bloom's house and arest him for stealing the Legolas costume from PJ. 
"I just wanted to be him!" He cries as the police throw him into the car and speed off.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than PJ comes and rescues orlando bloom from prison only Orlando bloom must give up his legolas costume. Therefore he does. Meanwhile at taco bell bob is captured by Billy Boyd (pip) and the guy who plays merry.


----------



## HLGStrider

A big, fat guy... actually Jabba the Hutt in disguise... rolls out of the back room of Taco Bell and starts a fight with Pippen. Sean Austin comes to the rescue.


----------



## Samwise_hero

Sean jabs Jabba The Hutt in the stomach with the tip of a sword and Jabba The Hutt explodes and splatters Taco Bell with intrails......."ewwww" everyone cries!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So Merry, Pip, and samwise sue taco bell and make millions. They leave bob in the middle of an LA freeway


----------



## HLGStrider

Wearing a full length ball room dress.... 
"Now this is wrong," thinks Bob... Two guys ask him out, but he runs for it and hides under the serf below the Golden Gate in San Fransisco. Someone mistakes him for a terrorist, attempting to blow up the bridge using a whoopie cusion, and he is arrested.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So he demands with local authorities! and hires jesse jackson and cartman as his lawyers


----------



## HLGStrider

Bill O'Rielly has Bob on his show, but after that Bob finds he is being stalked by Alan Colmes...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so he joins forces with DR. evil and falls madly in love with mini-me


----------



## Samwise_hero

But mini-me rejects bob and he is heart broken. Then all of a sudden the most beautiful girl in the world (don't know who) walks in and asks bob to go to.......


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and take her back to paris where she lives and "escort her for security reasons" . The girl is a gorgeous parisian girl...all but 17. She is named Genieve. Bob is blown away by her lucious brown hair and dazzling green eyes.


----------



## HLGStrider

As Bob is leaving on her private jet Goldfinger attacks... his pistol shot causes the plane to go down on a tropical island inhabited by Smurfs. Bob and the model take refuge in the planes shatter fuslage.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Together they create a dear girl named sophia.


----------



## HLGStrider

but all three of them are quickly attacked by Godzilla and Mothma, who decided to get together.


----------



## Samwise_hero

And out of love Bob saves his two girls and in the mean time gets riped to shreads and eaten. Ouch that's gotta hurt. But then he comes back as Sean Bean's twin.


----------



## HLGStrider

He attempts to find the super model and dear girl by putting out several personal adds... This attracts a large fly-woman named Bertha, Mothma's second cousin.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob is about killed until 35,000,000 hobbits come and hit the fly lady cousinof mothman with stones.


----------



## HLGStrider

They were the wild inhabitants of a small portion of Montana known as The Place You've Never Been Before. They took Bob there and promptly changed the name to The Place Bob Is. They were highly accomadating folk.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than they invited bob to a surprise hobbit strip party


----------



## HLGStrider

The very thought gives Bob a headache and he is rushed to a nearby hospital. The Hobbits decide he isn't worth their time and continue on without him. 

Bob wakes up and orders a pizza.


----------



## Samwise_hero

And who delivers the pizza? None other than Dougie!!!! 
Bob starts scoffing down the pizza because he hasn't eaten for ages. Next the Nazgul come in and stand at the end of his bed with swords in hand................... ( i think Bob's in trouble)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Bob uses his pizza for a shield...the wraith stabs it and their is now such a thing as pizzawraiths!   ! Than the others who folowed dougie came in...Lord Voldermort and none other than Harry Potter!


----------



## HLGStrider

When all seemed lost there was a bang and Miracle Max appeared and ordered a BLT. He then turned on them to ask what the problem was. The pizza wraiths were confronted by the MacDonald Wraiths who asked if he wanted fries with that. Then came... ANCHOVIES!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than bob was turned into a bunny rabbit!


----------



## HLGStrider

He immediately ate all the anchovies and gained about ten pounds. The pizza and macdonald wraiths were also consumed... By the time he ended his binge he was a two hundred pound bunny rabbit. The others fled in terror.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

alas one thing stood between the bunny and absolute power! A q-tip!


----------



## HLGStrider

He grabbed a toothpick to combat this evil force, but no. It was not to be. He was knocked down by the Q-tip and tied up with dental floss. They then covered him in toothpaste and brought out the electric tooth brush. He begged for mercy...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but q-tip slit bob's throat anyway


----------



## HLGStrider

Fortunately for Bob a few friendly bandaids were passing, and they did his neck back up. The poor, defeated bunny thought it was best to flee for his life. He hid behind a blender in the kitchen and retired to the country to grow carrots. He started a smooth business. His carrot cake smoothy was very popular.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but when things seemed to be going smoothley his place was vandilized by the HARRISON FORDS


----------



## HLGStrider

Deciding that desperate times called for desperate measures he took out a yard stick and desperately measured the damage.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than the harrison fords came back and kidnapped Bob and turned him through vodoo into a human again but he was only an inch tall. Bob was being held hostage.


----------



## HLGStrider

In return for the return of Bob they wanted the holy grail and arc of the covenant. Steven Speilburg was reluctant to surrender.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But they used the ultimate tortcher on poor, defensless speilberg the end of contract threat! and Speilberg gave up and put bob in a fish aquariam without any water and gave him a barbie doll who looked amazingly like Zelda as a companion...there bob lived..would he ever escape from the empty fish tank???


----------



## HLGStrider

Just when things couldn't get worse, the sadistic Speilburg left the TV on in front of Bob's prison with Spounge Bob on... turned up loud. He then superglued Bob's eyes to the set.... 

WILL THIS TORTURE NEVER END???

OH THE HUMANITY!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then a nuclear bomb hit because George W. bush accidently was playing with the buttons in the pentagon and killed everyone in LA but bob and the Harrison Fords


----------



## HLGStrider

Thankfully this included spongue Bob. Most people were glad to see L.A. and Hollywood (Which was part of the colllateral damage) gone.

Bush got a Nobel Peace Prize.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but he was still no closer to catching Usama bin laden , but bob who in the blast found himself sitting next to UBL...


----------



## HLGStrider

unwittingly found him a job at a 7-11. Usama was a Beetles fan and kept on playing the Yellow Submarine song. This, of course, keyed the CIA into his location, but they couldn't take him because of the Gwacamoli act of 82. They hired a private contractor who gave UBL a ticket to Paris.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

IN which UBL and bob spent a thriling night playing with the woman of the night in paris


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Bob lost his 7-11 in a poker contest and had to go live with the swine...

"I wonder if my father will take me back," he thought.

goodie... Biblical references...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so he went home and his father kicked him alot and called him wormtounge


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob called his dad "Lathspell" then turned to run. He ran smack into a tall guy with a reforged sword and a big additude. The tall guy kicked him into the Brandywine river and Bob had to run from this female elf in a bad mood swing... 
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!" his dad yelled after him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than the female elf tied up bob and put him in a sack.... and held him hostage but promise to be let go after he heard her break up saga. "I loved him, and all he wanted to do was follow his wizard friend and become a pervy hobbit fancier. My dad was even willing to let me follow him...and he just wanted to see past frodo's mirthril coat and breeches unto the parts that only women should see...." and so on and so forth


----------



## HLGStrider

"okay..." Bob is thinking. "Get me out of here..."

Bob is held hostage for a while...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So after three tortureous weeks of captivity he is set free and thanked for listening to the elf-girls problem. Than he walks into Rivendell...


----------



## Aslan

which is now being occupied by 6,172 Harrison Fords. "OK. This is weirding me out!" screams Bob. He flees Rivendale as quickly as he can and finds himself lost. As he he walks along a river bank, he hears strange footsteps coming from behind him...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than the Elf-girl found him again and said,"Hey since you were "willing" to listen to me, would you take me to Lothlorien???See he's supposed to be there and I need someone who knows my story to go with you." Bob looked at her and said,"Sure, I've always wanted to see those golden trees anyway!" So the Elf-girl named Arwen and Bob go to Lothlorien together but saddly the pass of Isengard is not open to them any more so they go into moria, and they find the fellowship of the ring. And Arwen sees her boyfriend, but he seems preeocupied with healing frodo and a hobbit says,"Who are you? You must be that pervy hobbit fanciers girlfriend! You better tell him to stop, sam will kill him if he tries anything." So....


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Arwen rolls her eyes and says, "See if I care! He is nothing but a pervy hobbit fancier!" Aragorn looks like he is caught between a bush and a house and immediately begins blaming Bob for his own inconvenience. Arwen decides to get revenge on Aragorn and goes and tells the orcs that there are intruders in their mines. She then runs over to Bob and rescues him from the clutches of Merry, who is trying to get him to glue his carrot. Bob and Arwen are given a free pass out of the mines of Moria as well as a $100 gift certificate to the Gap of Rohan.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob goes on a shopping spree and buys himself some Space Boots. Unfortunately Tar catches him.
"ONLY DARK QUEEN'S CAN HAVE LITTLE SPACE BOOKS!!!" she screams. She then takes them and shakes her little space boots.
Bob is now lost in between woman's lingere and mens clothing. He runs into Arwen who is buying herself a silky nighty.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Bob runs into elgee who is running around like madwoman and peeing on trees.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee had been at her own Singles bar and couldn't keep up with the posts... this is mentally scarring... 
She attacked Bob and placed him in her bar where she put him in between YayGollum and some girl who wanted to dance with him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than Arwen claims Bob back, but in the gap of rohan they see Eowyn and than Arwen tells eowyn that Aragorn is a pervy hobbit fancier and says go for that faramir guy


----------



## HLGStrider

"YOU RUIN ALL MY CHANCES!!!" Aragorn weeps. "I can't marryyou and I can't have anyone else... wha............."

Aragorn breaks down in tears.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than saruman says to ARagorn. "I'll marry you"


----------



## HLGStrider

"I could never be with anyone with more facial hair than me..." states a very nervous Aragorn.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Drat, well try that Frodo guy, he's kinda cute.wait sam'll kill you...um try Legolas."


----------



## HLGStrider

Aragorn runs and hides in Fangorn and marries the last of the Entwives.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than arwen tells his wife he's a pervy hobbit fancier


----------



## HLGStrider

and she not so hastily leaves him... then ELGEE enters the scene yelling "I don't care!!! He's mine!!!" Aragorn is carted away and never heard from again.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

*catches breath from laughing so hard*

Elgee puts aragorn on a leash and pets him. Meanwhile bob is helping arwen pick out the perfect nightie


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee let's Aragorn lie down on a pile of Oriental rugs and feeds him grapes by hand... she then offers him a massage...

Bob picks out a green silk nighty which will look so good with Arwen's eyes... She then goes punk on him, dies her hair pink, and pierces her nose. Bob faints.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But bob found out it was all an illusion...suddenly found arwen calling him a sweetie and bob began to feel like he was replacing the lost link that zelda took out in his life. Arwen was replacing it.


----------



## HLGStrider

Unfortunately Zelda had heard about this Elf babe messing with her man. She showed up in army fatigues with a Bazooka and grednade launcher and blew up Arwen's standard she was making for Bob to take to Gondor...

Just when Zelda and Arwen were about to face off Elgee showed up with a pair of half Numenorean Twins....
"What?" Elgee swallows.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

they ignore stupid Elgee who refuses to eat omlets with cheese. and fight over bob...Arwen kills Zelda


----------



## HLGStrider

"Gosh," thinks Elgee. "She remembers the omeletes... I just wanted to give the ham to my cats... Well, come along boys. Daddy is going to take you for a tour of his castle today..."

Eowyn shows up and views the carnage. 

"Really, Faramir, darling, I am glad we distanced ourselves from these people..." she says in a snooty English accent.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then the harrison fords attack arwen and bob and take them prisoner...


----------



## Elbereth

In prison Bob and Arwen are forced to listen to Jack Black and his band Tenacious D perform shirtless. Arwen is disgusted by this but Bob becomes increasingly intrigued. By the end of the performance...Bob jumps up on stage and joins Jack Black in a rocking performance of "Kielbasa"...However, Bob sings so horribly out of tune that the Harrison Fords are forced to shoot him with a tranquilizer gun to shut him up...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Then the Harrison Fords carry Bob off to the White House where he meets Elgee as the new president. She has got about 50,000 cats roaming free about the place, and the only thing she will say to politicians is, "Meoooooow!" Bob passes out from the terrifying happenings and wonders where in the hec the Harrison Fords ended up. Only when he wakes up does he find them - in downtown D.C. getting a manicure!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than Usama bin Laden kidnaps Bob, arwen, the cats, Harrison ford gang and elgee.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee's cats attack with vengeance. She then asks Harrison Ford to be her vice president just in case Air Force One is ever taken by the evil Russian.s


----------



## Samwise_hero

Harrison Ford hastily agrees. A week later they are on their first flight on Air force One together when it is taken over by Darth Vadar. The plane suddenly goes into a tail spin heading straight for the ocean. As the plane hits the water a faint cry is heard, I LOVE YOU HARRISON!
(Sorry Elgee didn't mean to send you into the ocean)
Suddenly Elgee grows a tail and can breathe under water. elgee is a merperson!!! But sadly Harrison Ford dies AGAIN!.........In the underwater paradise, under the water, there is a merman who looks just like Aragorn.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but than they wake up and they're still in the Gap at rohan, and bob is picking out more nighties for arwen


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Bob picks up a very odd purple one. Attatched to the straps is a hot pink horse head. He holds it up to Arwen and coos, "ohhhhhh, that's perfect!" Arwen buys it and decides to leave the rest of her $100 for later. The two then leave the Gap of Rohan and accidentally fall into a time warp and are warped back to the year 1985. "1885!!" screams Bob. "NO NO NO NO!" The two of them immediately run into Doc, who is about to be shot by Biff Tannen. Biff sees Arwen, who has put on the horse nighty, and runs away frightened to death (yes, literally, to death), and Doc falls head over heals in love with Arwen and shoots Clara with a gun. Time is about to colapse when...


----------



## Elbereth

A flying Delorien screeches through the air and lands...Marty gets out and tells Doc that he is going to die within 24 hours and that the killer was going to be some guy named Bob....


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Doc's eyes grow wide. "Great Scott!" he exclaims in a high, squeaky voice. He turns and looks at Bob who is looking quite scared. "Well," says Doc, "let's put him in the Dolorean and ship him to the year 1776." 

"Doc!" exclaims Marty, "that won't work! If we ship him there we won't be able to get back to the future ourselves - besides it'll be raining." 

"You're right Marty," squeaks Doc, grabbing a curling iron and beginning to curl his hair. He then pulls out a gun and shoots Bob. Arwen runs howling.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Arwen cradles the dead bob in her arms and weeps


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Doc becomes jealous of the dead Bob (oh, no, he died - again!) and shoots Arwen, and Arwen finds herself in an insurance agency signing up for "life" insurance for Bob who is sitting next to her smiling and sucking on a blue sucker.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Why is this turning out the same way it did when I was with that pervy hobbit fanicer aragorn. I mean I began to do life insurance when he started chasing wraits around." arwen mumbles...she realizes...she belongs with Glorifindel and says,"Bob ur sweet and all but I belong with my own kind. Bye" and arwen leaves


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Bob sits down and cries. Suddenly he remembers his pink bunny slippers. Where are they? It has been such a long time since he has seen them and he knows that they will be a comfort to him if he can find them.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than saruman asks bob to marry him


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Bob thinks about it for a moment and then decides that since no one else wants him he might as well do it. "Yes I'd love too!" he tells the wizard.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then saruman puts bob in a full body bind and bob says,"wait...I've changed my mind." SAruman gave him a chilling look and said,"Frisky are we!"....


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And Bob passes out, and is very close to dying (again) when Saruman says "Yeah, baby, yeah!" and dumps Bob into a pot of boiling water.


----------



## HLGStrider

Arwen and Glorfindel, Arwen in a two piece, yellow polka dot, bathing suit jump in yelling "GECUZZI!!!"
Elgee surfaces in the water singing "Under the sea..."


----------



## Elbereth

Then three cats pop up behind Elgee, dressed in long sequined dresses and beehive hairdo's and join her in the chorus of "Under the sea"...and then the cats start singing old motown tunes as Elgee splashes in the Jacuzzi in the rhythm of the music.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Glorfindel stares at the spectacle in front of him with eyes as big as teacups. He is laughing - not outside but inside, and his laughter is not coming out through his mouth. The result is a hilarious mix of contortionous movements and gymnastics.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee's cats pull Glorfindel under water as they sing a new rendition of an old classic... G L O R F I N D E L... GLORIA-FINDEL!!! I'M GONNA SHOUT ALL NIGHT... GLORIA-FINDEL

They go on tour... Elgee's tail falls off and she grabs a barrel by way of clothing... she slinks away to hide


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than bob dies


----------



## HLGStrider

and Elgee steels Arwen's purple nighty. 

Bob is burried in proper ceremony in the Barrows... a wight shows up. "This is my barrow," he frowns. 
"Can't I just barrow it for a little while?" asks Bob's corpse...


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's bad...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

LOL that was bad....

The Barrow Wight puts Bob in a wheel barrow and barrows him all the way to the Sea of Rhun and dumps him in.


----------



## HLGStrider

He is rescued by a familiar winged maiden from the foul clutches of a large mouth bass who wished to store him in a small mouth canning jar...

Bob lives on pickles and fruit for the next year.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and suddenly 10,000,000,000 years later finds himself spinning into a paradoxacol demension where gigantic walking flowerpots operated in a cruel despotisimal dictatorship


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"Oh, I'm so sleepy!" yawned Bob as the flower pots arrested him for having the name "Bob". "I've lived such a long time and died so many times that I've totally lost track of whether I'm alive or dead!" A beautiful purple fish nodded sympathetically.


----------



## HLGStrider

"If you wish we can transform you into a giant sand crab?" the fish states. "Would you like that?"
"Might as well try it..." Bob sighed. He became a giant sand crab and joined Elgee under the sea with Ariel...

OOC: Despotic flower pots? He he he... genius... arrested for the name Bob... ha ha ha... brilliant.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:what can I say...I'm insanely genius.

However the fish makes a critical error and Bob finds himself in the middle of the motion picture Cleopatera with Elizabeth Taylor


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

OOC: You never know what may come out of my insane mind, though I make no claims of brilliancy myself...

IC:
Suddenly someone points a remote control at the TV screen, and the motion picture starts to fast-forward. Everything is going insanely fast, and Bob cannot even begin to think - he is just pushed on by the remote control. Then he sprouts an antenna out of his head and turns into a little remote control racecar going round and round a dirt track.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than is dressed like a flapper and is doing the charleston. Arwen sees bob while she is out with glorfindel...bob and arwen make eye contact. Bob leaves immeaditly and goes to the make out room and sees Arwen thier without glorifindel...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and then the ceiling falls down, and a big rubber ducky emerges from the rubble.


----------



## HLGStrider

Trapped inside the rubber ducky Bob makes a desperate plea for mercy. Glorfindel tries to cut his head off in response, but Bob is transformed by the fish into a pancake... He then spends fifty years as a man-hole cover.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

By the time the fifty years are up, Bob is so covered with mud and grime, that he can barely breath, and he doesn't even look like a pancake anymore! So he goes into a car wash to try to wash himself off and succeeds in washing himself down the drain. He is falling, falling, apart and down - yes down again.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Glorfindel was exhasparated from the search of bob, went around the world,and one fateful day with glorifindel right in front of him. and bob became bob form again....but with a great amount of luck...he was changed into a figure of Legolas


----------



## HLGStrider

and immediately attacked by a thousand, screaming, teenage girls....


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

who then tried to freeze him to preserve him as an idol.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but luckily he changes into Gimli...and the girls dump him in the river siene...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

where he promptly turns back into Legolas again and is chased down the river by the many girls, who are all wearing purple bikinis.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than a strange freakish girl name Alysca binds Legolas and takes him hostage in her room where she forces him to do her math homework


----------



## HLGStrider

"SAVE ME!!! " Bob begs... then a tall, dark haired guy does Bob's math and sets him free in return for a copy of the new Command and Conquer game... Bob leaves the guy to his computer game and goes home and gets in bed.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

however still looking like legolas he wakes up the folowing morning and his house is surrounded by thousands of screaming girls


----------



## HLGStrider

He throws his bunny slippers at them then jumps through the hole in his floor.... landing in Arwen's arms... of course, she thinks he is Orlando Bloom and wants his autograph. Bob autographs her Yellow pokka dot bikini and continues on his way through the land of the pants eating plants.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

And arwen follows him and thinking he's legolas does (wouldn't we all) than he said,"I'm not orlando bloom, I'm bob! Your old Boyfriend."


----------



## HLGStrider

In response she hits him over the head with a frying pan and feeds him to the plants....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Inside the plants stomach bob says,"What arwen? I love you...I would've never become a pervy hobbit fancier like aragorn...but arwen..please...please...please...please " but bob's voice fades out of all perception and bob is slowly being digested


----------



## HLGStrider

Aragorn and his twin sons were wandering around the land of the plants when they suddenly sight a large one with a bulge in the middle. Aragorn cuts it open to investigate and a stinky Bob falls out.
"Can we keep it?" ask the boys. Aragorn puts Bob on a leesh and feeds him Dog Food.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Bob(or orlando), is taken home and ARagorns teenage daughter insists on letting orlando (or bob) sleep in her room with her.


----------



## HLGStrider

She forces Bob to entertain her with Shadow Puppets all night while she listens to depressing music... Bob tries to jump out the window, but is still attached to the leesh. She has no mercy and uses him for a tether ball.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than Orlando being exahusted from the activity lies down on the bed, when he shuts his eyes and later opens them he finds himself tied to the bed and getting caressesd and petted by Aragorns daughter


----------



## HLGStrider

Where'd Bob go?

Then she is mobbed by all the girls in Gondor... He escapes but blunders into Tree beard who is talking to the tower of Orthanc about a date.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Orthanc replies, "Sure I'll go out with you on Friday night, but remember, on Saturday you are going to rip me to pieces." Treebeard answers, "Oh well, at least you'll know my _real_ feelings about you.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than comes the dreaded Time warp! Where Bob is in another demension, where the world of LOTR, Harry Potter, and extremist southern baptists live in harmony.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Bob enjoys, for a while, the peace and harmony of this new demension. Then, one day, he runs into a movie director whose next project is to combine LOTR and Harry Potter into one movie with one story line. Bob freaks out, toilet papers the man's house, and runs up and down the Street of Freaktoids screaming, "No more! No more!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and instead of helping they make jesus appear in harry potter...thus the peace slowly erodes


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and the once-peaceful demension becomes a living hell in which no one can go out of his or her house without bowing down and worshiping a statue which looks like a mix of Jesus, Harry Potter, and Gandalf. Bob groans at the state of humanity and stays in his house rather than subject himself to this kind of thing.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than in the confusion Bob meets a young outcast girl who is going to be burned at the stake for being a witch. Bob rescues, Lizzie and they move toward the statue and begin to throw eggs at it.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

The statue, which is some sort of animated droid, becomes angry at them, and begins chasing them up and down wherever they go. Pretty soon the chase has turned into a parade and people line the streets to see this new type of galadiator game.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob and Lizzie run from the droid who chases them up Mt. Arafat where Noah is arguing with Moses about who made the bigger Biblical impact. God tries to strike them both down, but since Bob is taller by a centimeter than Charlton Heston he is instead struck by the bolt of lightening. The Droid grabs him and is shocked so badly... that...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

he turns into a jar of jelly. Bob sit down and begins laughing hysterically while Lizzie bats her eyes at Moses. Moses, who is not used to this sort of treatment, does not know what to think.


----------



## HLGStrider

... so he runs of and joins the National Rifle Association and gets in a duel with Clint Eastwood... Clint Eastwood throws him off the top of the Eiffle tower but he lands in the Jelly of the droid so he turns out all right... not dead or anything. Lizzie then sets herself on fire and disintigrates...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and Moses decides that things would be better off that way anyway.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob is estranged at the death of Lizzie and he gets into an alchohlic depression


----------



## HLGStrider

So he goes into the Dragon Bar with the name much too long to type and orders a Gargle Blaster... Korhall had just had the last one, so Bob attacks Korhall who turns him into a large carp... Bob the carp is dumped into a barrel of ale and apples and fed vodka and socks by Wonko the Sane.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy," is all that Bob can manage to say.


----------



## Elbereth

But then the effects of the Vodka and Socks hit him...and Bob breaks out in song!

"We Are the World!!! We are the Children!!! We are the ones to make a brighter day so let's start given!! There's a choice we're making...we're saving our own lives...It's true we make a better day, just you and me!!!!! 
OOOOOoooohhhh HOOOooo!!!
We Are the World!!! We are the Children!!! We are the ones to make a brighter day so let's start given!! There's a choice we're making...we're saving our own lives...It's true we make a better day, just you and me!!!!! 
*begins clapping... and the crowd joins in the clapping and singing*
We Are the World!!! We are the Children!!! We are the ones to make a brighter day so let's start given!! There's a choice we're making...we're saving our own lives...It's true we make a better day, just you and me!!!!!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob then falls on the floor unconscious with socks in his mouth and bannanas up his ear...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and again the Harrison Fords who now are aided by the corleone family take bob prisoner and force him to tap dance at Vito corleone's funeral


----------



## HLGStrider

Just when things couldn't get blacker someone hit Bob with an ink well...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

that was bad elgee...that was bad

at the horrifying pun bob shudderd with fear and total peril as he cringed


----------



## HLGStrider

He fell into a tide pool and was carried off by an evil shrimp.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

to the land of cute guys


----------



## HLGStrider

but since Bob wasn't cute enough and looked like the creature fromthe Black Lagoon (being somewhat over weight and covered in ink), they kicked him out. They then prepared for an invasion by the not so cute girls...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

of Indeeoopolus who invaded the land and kicked all the cute guys out and left Bob in total control of the land while they fought over who would kiss him first.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then to bob's kissing misfortune...legolas, aRagorn, Frodo arrived...


----------



## HLGStrider

The girls all fainted so Bob kissed Legolas. He then was socked across Central park and landed atop the Statue of Liberty. This was obviously a terrorist attack, so he was arrested and sentenced to live in an overly padded cell with a giraffe, a torch singer, and Cookie Monster.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

he made good friends with the cookie monster and they developed a deep physical relationship. but unbenowenst to them they while making love touched a time portal and went back in time to year 79 ad during pompei's erupiton


----------



## HLGStrider

OOC: Tar you are getting a little sick...

IC: Bob was blown into the air when he tried to jump into the volcano to pacify the god of the Waponi, but Meg Ryan jumped in after him. They landed ontop of Tom Hanks' trunks.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:k, i'll try to go back to evil insanity for you

ic: where they were introduced to wilson the volleyball


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob plays around with Wilson and then Jaws attacks and seperates the trunks, Cookie and Meg on one side Wilson and Hanks on the other... Bob is in the water with the shark.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

who takes him to his master, the darkest ocean quarry man 5000! Their the darkest ocean quarry man 5000 (who for some reason is a physical combination of Dr. evil, Hitler, Stalin and Jenifer love hewitt) sets bob up with Juliet since the darkest ocean quarry man 5000 is not only master of the seas but of the necromancers as well


----------



## HLGStrider

However Juliet is still in morning over Leonardo Di Caprio and can't decide what time frame she is in... Leonardo Di Vinci shows up with Captain Janeway and sweeps this 5000 person of their high heels...


----------



## Samwise_hero

Bob finds that this is a goos time to escape........so he does, he whispers instructions to a passing moth and 10 minutes later Gwahir ( i think i spelt that wrong) turns up and sweeps him off his feet back to middle earth where gandalf is waiting to take him on a long journey. Where were they going, no one knew.............except...........


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

the woman in red who has eyed bob for so long


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

This woman in red who had eyed Bob for so long had horns growing out of her head and a wart the size of Texas on her left foot. She was trasported into the woods of North-Western U.S. and became know as Big One Foot.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

where she met bob..and died landing on top of bob killing bob


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

whose spirit went to the land of BillyBobJoeBubbas to star as a cowboy singer singing "Home on the Rangetop Stove".


----------



## HLGStrider

It was a hit single. Bob could only preform during full moons however, which was a big problem. Then one night he was hit by a silver bullet and...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but being dead it passed right through his body


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and hit Butch Cassidy instead.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc; you had to hurt paul newman didn't you??? 

and the sundance kid cried in agony ,"No, you..can't die...this sin't fair I can sue!" So Robert REdford sues bob for dying and letting his frend die. Bob needs a good defences attornety so he takes the lawyer for the Corleone family in Vegas, Tom Haegan


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

ooc: Of course! 

Tom Haegan, however, does not meet up to Bob's expectations and, instead of defending him, prosecutes him. Bob gets convicted of a double murder - himself and Butch, and is sent away to prison for life. "How does this work?" moans Bob, "I'm not even alive, and yet I'm in prison for life?!?!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Peter Falk who happened to be in the same sell on account of a mishap at the local Laundromat tried to sell Bob his glass slipper collection, but then the warden threw a party in the county jail. The prison band was there and they began to wail.... 

IT WAS THE BLUES BROTHERS!!! They were on a mission, from God.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than as if A miracle had occured bob found that everyone expcept himself was put to sleep by the blues brothers and hopped out


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

So Bob ran outside to a catapult, got in the catapult, and catapulted himself to the moon. There he stayed for a long time and became known as "The man on the moon".


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

becasue space aliens kept him as pets


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Bob was in fact enjoying his new life as a space alien pet. He was fed the choicest of tidbits, given massages almost constantly, and was allowed to do almost anything he wanted. The only drawback was that he had to go onto the moon every night which he did not like as it was very cold and boring. Also, the great big moon guacamole girl chased him around night after night until he got so tired of the same episode happening that he decided to act and change his lot in life.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

to which he went into the house and demanded to be able to live inside...he used what he knew of Alienese and what he meant to say was "Let me stay inside at night", bu what he said was,"I like living out doors all the time"


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

to which his alien masters, thinking that he was an ungrateful wretch, kicked him out of the house and fed him to the guacamole girl who was delighted with the change.


----------



## HLGStrider

After all, I'm not a big fan of avacadoes myself... are you?

Then Bob got into a fight with himself playing scattagories in the girl's stomach about whether or not avacado was a vegetable. He pushed himself out her belly button. She, not very knowlegdgable about the facts of life, assumed that she had just given birth and he was her son. She wrapped him up in a baby blue blankie and rocked him to sleep to the tune of "Look for the Union Label". He then went on a campaign trail with Al Gore but came home when Al wanted him to grow a beard. He spent many sweet years at home with the Guackamoli girl.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

That is until Al Gore came back and insisted sullenly that all the votes were not accounted for and that there must be a re-count! Bob made sure that he shaved every day so that Al would maybe leave him alone, but it was of no use. Al took Bob by his Minnie Mouse tie and made him recount all the votes in the U.S. by hand. Bob had no self respect or confidence in himself so he submitted and spent the next ten years counting and re-counting, each time coming up with a new number, but Al was still not satisfied and kept insisting on more re-counts.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But Bob did not stand against this Tyranny...so he got up and burned all the votes becasue of re counting them so many times!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And the United States turned into a Dictatorship led by Heath Ledger.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

who decieded that free speech was so overated


----------



## HLGStrider

Again Bob was arrested for being named Bob. He was hung up by his toes and forced to recite the Raven... He spent the rest of the day shouting "NEVERMORE!!!"


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

While Bob was hanging upside down, a big black Raven flew up to him and perched on a tree branch. The Raven cocked it's head as though trying to look at Bob rightside up and said, "Meow!!!!!!!!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Then his contact fail out and the rubber bands on his braces popped off... it just wasn't his day. 

The raven then bit him...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

...on his rear and WOULDN'T LET GO!!!!!!! He just hung on and hung on, and after Bob was released from his hanging position the raven kept hanging on. Bob had a Raven hanging onto his backside for fifty plus years.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob let forth a cry, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!"


----------



## HLGStrider

But all that did was infuriate the crows sister "Darla" and she swooped down and dive bombed Bob... Bob fled for his life into a laundromat. It was there that he bumped head first into Arwen who was starching Glorfindale's long underwear.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"You again!" She said with a smirk. Bob peered over her shoulder to see the underwear which were covered with pink hearts and had "Barbie" written across each heart. Bob rolled on the floor and laughed, but Arwen looked at _ his _ backside and the crow and said, "I wouldn't be talkin'!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than, still infatuated with Arwen he said,'Pleas Arwen! I swear I'm not a pervy hobbit fancier, I swear. I really love you. I mean why does an elfprincess as lovely as yourself wind up doing your boyfriends barbie underwear? YOu are fit for much nobler things in life."


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"What, this isn't noble?" Arwen said.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"I see servants doing this job! YOu need to be out more buying silk nighties, pretty dresses and seeing high class operas"


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"Oh, operas - yeah I kinda forgot about those." Arwen clears hear throat and begins a rousing Aria from the "The Marriage of Figaro" in an entirely too high of key for her. She parades about the room as though she already has on the beautiful dresses and nighties promised while squeeking in a terrible voice.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob who because of his passion for Arwen, claps and says,"You belong with me going to fancy restraunts,parties operas and shopping trips. Arwen baby I love you please run away with me!"


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"Only if you where Barbie underwear!" she tells him. "Any man who does not wear Barbie underwear is not a REAL MAN!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"He's treating you like a servant arwen! why I thought barbie was for girls..sides I wear Hanes (TM). I am more manly, If you dont come with me you'll remain his servant...do you want that arwen..do you trust me." their was a moment of silence...arwen laughted a giddy laugh and said.."Ok, not to be fickle but your so much cuter than that dumb elf"


----------



## HLGStrider

At that Bob fainted into a tub of laundry soap. He then went out and blew his savings account on silk nighties.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Arwen, however, already had about 100 silk nighties and was not at all thrilled by the present. "You bought me MORE nighties!!!!!" She screamed. "I am sick of nighties!!!!! I want suspenders!!!!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob gave her his suspenders and his pants fell down. He was wearing superman under wear!!!

"SUPER MAN!!!" she gasped. "NOT SUPERMAN!!! DIE EVIL BOB CREATURE!!!"


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Seizing the Force with both hands, Arwen zapped Bob with lightning. "Sleep, sleep, sleep! Pretty Spiderman underwear!" was all that Bob could say.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then bob woke up..it was merely a dream...and Bob hadn't bought all the silk nighties but saw,"the mirrage of figgaro" which is a mixture of the plot of Aladdin and the music of hte marruge of figgrao


----------



## HLGStrider

As Jasmine is singing "FIGARO FIGARO FIGARO..." the cast of the Barber of Siville attacks, wanting to claim the rights for the word Figaro for Rossini. However, no one can spell Rossini's first name so the court case is dismissed... then the lone ranger comes in and everyone realizes for the first time that his theme really belongs to some Swiss guy who shot an apple off his kid's head... That's when things get nasty...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

when 100,000 communists went in a circle... and did the can-can!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

With that a bunch of the free-peoples of Middle Earth come running in and began to throw beer bottles at the Communists. The Communists (who were all guys) suddenly were wearing can-can skirts and fish net tights, but they were now all soaked with beer and dancing on glass.


----------



## HLGStrider

The glass had an intoxicating effect and soon the Communists were sedated. They then took them to the USS Ronald Reagan and made them scrub the decks still in their can can outfits... Things got worse when Sadam Husaine...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Burst onto the deck of the ship crying, "Peace, freedom, liberty, and cat food for all!" (ooc: ugh... that was stupid!).


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Where he was captured by John f. Kennedy's ghost, and Richard nixons ghost aided by the gollumites.


----------



## HLGStrider

They threw him over board and then Jim Carrey shot Kennedy!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since it was kennedy's ghost it went right threw him, and kennedy enraged by this attack made a hateful speech for jim carrey


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

who had to speak it at the next Grammy Awards.


----------



## HLGStrider

Jim Carrey jumped off a cliff rather than face this, but he was wearing that green mask so he bounced back up and hit Bob... Bob was thrown into the gravitational pull of Pluto and went into Orbit. Captain Benjamin Sisko was returned from Deep Space 62 which Janeway and hit Bob head on.


----------



## Aslan

This catapulted Bob to Earth. He landed safely on a chair in a school in California. "Where am I?" Bob asked. "You are in my school for mono-tone acting." replied one of the Harrison Fords. "Would you like to join?" Bob began screaming and crying as he fell to the floor and curled up in the fetal position.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and was being tickled by the Tickle me elmo doll


----------



## HobbitGirl

Suddenly he was so disgusted by Tickle Me Elmo's laugh that Bob chucked him across the room, right into Han Solo's face.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and han solo took out is carbine rifle and began to shoot the tickle me elmo till he tickled no more...and Bob gave han solo a big hug for rescuing him from the evil, satanic Tickle me Elmo


----------



## HLGStrider

Just then Bob's old friend cookie monster showed up with Glenn Close who was now vice president. She was being pursued by five million chiwauwaus.. The little dogs were merciless and kept on yelling something about tacos...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob saved Jar-Jar binks life...uggggg


----------



## HLGStrider

Glenn ordered him stoned and then forced him to watch Space Balls three hundred times over. He was saved, however, by the Chiwauwau's and Harrison Ford who had a hundred Nun's following his orders. The Nuns were warring against the evil forces of Glenn and her anti-Jar-Jar propaganda.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

"Whera wesa goin'?" shouted Jar-Jar at the top of his voice.


----------



## HLGStrider

"We're off to see the wizard," Han replied, grabbing Leia's arm in one of his and Bob's arm in another. He then put a chiwauwau in a basket and they skipped down a yellow brick avenue.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And into the large mouth of a fly.


----------



## HLGStrider

Who flew with them to a giant pig sty in the clouds and there spit them onto a rotten pumpkin, containing Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater's wife... Leia and the wife got into a long involved conversation with the Chiwauwau.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

While Bob and Han ate Tofu until their stomachs ached, but they seemed to have no sense and kept eating and eating until they inflated up like big balloons and floated away to Tofu-Land.


----------



## HLGStrider

Where they were attacked by stampeding tofu-dabeasts... The tofudabeasts tofued them. If you have never been tofued before I don't suggest it. Bob and Han ended up in the store room of a chinese restaurant.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

There they were bundled up into small bags and taped up with masking tape. They were then shipped out of the Chinese restaurant to be made into Tofu themselves - an idea which did not appeal to them in the least.


----------



## HLGStrider

Han started to cry "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" he wept. "I HATE YOU BOB... I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN..." Then Leia picked up the package of tofu to take home for dessert. She created a Tofu sunday and fed it to Peter Peter's pet hamster, Cracus, from Columbia. There was also the trantuala, Bogata, from Venuzuela.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Unknown to Leia, the tofu which she had fed to the hampster was Han himself in tofu form, and the lucky tarantula got to eat Bob the next week. Dear me! Have you ever been digested in the stomach of a tarantula (or a hamster for that matter) in the form of tofu? Bob and Han went through such a tramatic experience especially because of all the racecars!


----------



## HLGStrider

It was nothing compared to the time I got caught in the dishwasher with a load of ferrets, of course, but that's a whole other story...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than in the dead of what used to be night till god sneezed and messed up the earths planetary locations, and than Sauron came with five kegs to throw a party at leia's, she immeaditly fell in love.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Sauron, however, wanted nothing to do with Leia and fed her digested tofu... which happened to be Bob and Han.


----------



## HLGStrider

Fortunately Leia was Bolimic... (Bulimic?)... I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Down down through the toilet pipes went Han and Bob. They were in a sort of state where their minds were separate from their bodies because they did not have any bodies anymore - only tofu. They floated down the pipes in all - that water - and... Ugh... I can't go on!


----------



## HLGStrider

BUT YOU MUST GO ON!!! FOR MILO!!! FOR CELESTE!!! FOR THE PUPPIES!!! FOR DOGS EVERYWHERE!!!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!! Bob felt the impact in his out-of-body state of Elgee's words. They hit him like a canon ball and he felt his very self splitting, breaking apart. I have no idea how Han fared as he was holding onto a very large brown raft. (If I must  .)


----------



## HLGStrider

He ended up in the back room of a giant kitchen in a tub of Split Pea Soup. As he was going down for the third time, someone, mistaking him for a fly, plucked him out and put him in a trash compactor.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

So there was Han being spilt open and crunched by the trash compactor while his close friend (now sworn enemy) was being split apart by a scream from nowhere. Suddenly, a God came down from the planet Vulcan and anounced that it was time to make sense out of senslessness - if that made any sense.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Spike and Fae came from Cowboy Bebop aided by eddie and the the dog, who ate the pea soup with amazing furvor


----------



## HLGStrider

and the world blew up and the debris scattered everywhere and Vulcan and Mars were the only places left with sentient life... and the Vulcans just sat there meditating... so Bob felt pretty lonely.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Vicious, mortal and arch-enemy of Spike came to kidnap bob and hold him hostage for 1,000,000 dolars. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

sang the Grinch, and he stole Christmas - once again!


----------



## HobbitGirl

But the Grinch's dog Max got in his way when he tried to push the sled over the cliff, so the Grinch threatened to tie Max to a tree. Bob overheard all of this, because he was in one of the Grinch's sacks.


----------



## HLGStrider

then Max, relizing Bob was up there, pushed the sled over himself.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and said... to the falling bob, "Here's lookin' at you kid."


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Peter Lorre skewers Max with a butcher knife and starts to roast him on a turning thing over a toasty fire of men's athletic socks. Bob lands on the fire and frees Max who, though slightly wounded, manages to make E.R. in time and is adoupted by George Cloony. Forever in debt to Bob, Max gives him a scholarship to attend Modern Dance classes at Berkley where Bob has Lorre for a partner.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

**head begins to spin, computer voice says "welcome to HOllywood"**

 

Than Al gore sends in Bob, faking him to be a qualified college professer on statistics so he can win the election


----------



## Aslan

But when Bob gets there , he finds out he's been tricked and it is really another Harrison Ford's School of Mono-tone Acting. Again, Bob falls to the floor screaming and curls up in the fetal position and wimpers.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

to which rick from "Casablanca" begins to use bob and harrison ford as moving target practice for pixie sticks


----------



## HLGStrider

Peter Lorre attacks Rick and Ingrid Bergman who showed up for the heck of it and to hit on Bob. Then Luke Skywalkers Uncle's second cousins, brother's, sisters, goldfish's former roommae came by and asked to borrow a cup of sugar.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and when things to be getting interesting the film was shut down because the producers ran out of money, and they chose to ignore the offer they couldn't refuse.


----------



## HLGStrider

And so they didn't win the Oscars, and Gerald Ford never got to be president, and we lost World War Two.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and suddenly the world was seen through the perverted eyes of Lucy Mancini's and Sonny Corleone's wild escapades


----------



## HLGStrider

this all caused James and John Darling to throw Wendy out a window. Peter Pan caught her and then put her in a peanut butter sandwitch and fed her to Captain Hook. 

Meanwhile Bob was playing checkers with Gerald Ford who was confused because he had lost us WWII without ever being president. Bob told him that it was all right and that Bob had cost the south the civil war by playing a seemingly harmless prank involving Lee's longjohns anda pair of siscors.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and than midgets who ate swords in their spare time began to tickle bob and gerald with gigantic wedding cakes


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

While Wendy sang, "Straws and carpets, straws and carpets!" and she died. Peter Pan married the barber and they lived happily ever after.


----------



## LúthienTinúviel

Except that they didn't live much longer because they overdosed on British comedy and red licorice and spasmed to death within the hour.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

The midgets made Bob so extremely tipsy that he got up and pulled Gerald into the Macarena and made him dance across the roofs of Little Rock Arkansas to disturb the past self of Bill Clinton in his sleep.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than by mistake they opened the chamber of secrets


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and Harry Potter came flying out in the shape of a pink butterfly!


----------



## HLGStrider

That was too much for Hilary who left Bill and ran for the Presidency of Cuba. Fidel Castro informed her that she could not, but she shot him with a burning, candy apple and danced away towards Havana.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and everyone did the time warp it went back to new years eve 1959 in cuba....The party was going great


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and so was the hippie who lived in the van down by the river.


----------



## HLGStrider

Who was dancing the Cha cha with a diplomat who carried on his shoulder a siamese cat... "How does it feel? To be on your own?" Bob Dylan weezed... The hippie and Bob shared a peace pipe and the Newsboys danced to love liberty disco on top of a very large school bus full of penguins. Just when it couldn't get any worse... or better...


----------



## Elbereth

...George W. Bush walks into the room, and upon seeing him, Bob and the Hippie charge at the president in rage and beat him like a red headed step child.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

George Bush, unsure of what else to do, sits down at his desk in the Oval Office and begins to eat paperclips one by one thus patenting the phrase, "Tinsel Teeth". Bob, Bob, the hippie, the Newsboys, the diplomat, and whoever else there was were nailed to the spot with mechanical nails that came out of the floor and nailed their shoes into the rug and through the floor of the Oval Office. Bush laughs and enjoys his snack along with the sight of nailed people.


----------



## 7doubles

Bill Clinton enters the room wearing only a diper and a Darth Vader mask. Clinton laughs "pinko's and dirty hippys, if you're going to beat around George Bush. Go to scool, dodge his draft Bob. Make the molemen proud." Bob takes off his shoes to free his feet from the office floor when everyone started laughing at him, his feet in paticuler, the nailes of his toes had been painted red and black like little lady bugs...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and then the commies take over,michael corleone leaves his brother scared ****less and takes bob with him back to lake tahoe


----------



## HLGStrider

ooc: nice work everyone... esp. Nen and 7

ic: Where he goes fishing for Walleyed pikes using Bob's lady bug toes as bait. Bob is now crying and Bush is punching out Clinton. Then Sadam Hussaine and Osama enter.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc: i"ve been trying to get a godfather thingy going and you don't even play along! 

Than he goes fishing with al neri and Fredo and gets fredo's blood all over him


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then bob ate spam with the penguins that automagically appeared out of a tree. Then, they all danced the happy dance while the ice shattered all around them. They all fell through the ice and died, and Kyle shouted, "Oh my gawd, you killed Kenny!"


----------



## HLGStrider

ooc I haven't seen the Godfather... and I don't want to either... so there... 

"Poor Kenny," said Bob. "I will bury him in silk pajamas."


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

ooc: Thanks Elgee!  I haven't seen "The Godfather" either!

"You can't forget the spam!" one of the panguins said wiping its eyes. "You know, Kenny just loved the stuff!" So Bob remembered the Spam and thoughtfully buried Kenny with spam smeared all over his silk pajamas.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and all the horrible children began to do the polka on the ice and snow


----------



## HLGStrider

They slipped and fell and went through the ice where they did battle with the Merpeople led by Koffi Anan...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and were turned into fish with tad-pole bodies and lion manes. They galloped around the bottom of the ocean in a horse race and sang a song title, "All the Animals" written by the Beast Brothers.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Beetles and a group of elves arrived in the Yellow Submarine. They loaded the forward torpedos and prepared to fire on the Beastie Boys.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than One thousand million screaming fans ran over bob trying to see if they could touch paul mcarteny


----------



## HLGStrider

But they couldn't buy him love so he ran away crying. Bob moaned and picked himself up only to be wisked away by a passing torpedo.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

and Bob died - again! The Dieties were getting angry with this man - when would he stop dying?


----------



## HLGStrider

They grabbed Bob and shoke him. 
"WILL YOU STOP DYING ALREADY!?!?!?" they growled. "We've had to send you to three different after lives. We've given you all the special treatment you want. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! DEAD OR ALIVE!!!"

Bob had to think this one over.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Finally he decided. "Dead!" he replied. So he was granted all the rights and citizenship of the dead and was allowed to go into the earth and roam with the other ghosts like a dead man should. However, he terrorized the spiders so much the the Dieties were forced to call a conference in heaven to discuss the knew Spiderman-torchure-thingy-whatsit who roamed around at free will. Thier decision was made, and Bob was made mortal again (much to his secret delight) and the whole cycle started over again. Bob was confident that he could gain as many admissions back into life that he wanted.


----------



## HLGStrider

When the Deities, who unbeknownst to Bob but knownst to us, can read thougts, read these thoughts they got mad at Bob and put all his thoughts through the paper shredder. They also did a few politicians' thoughts just to make things interesting.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

However, the paper shredder did not end up with shredded paper for its leftovers but a mucky orange goo. The Dieties were forced to stop the shredding process in the middle so that they did not ruin their paper shredder, and because of this a few very stupid politicians were created, and Bob was left with only half his brain.


----------



## 7doubles

and bob cursed the hevens and roared, pollititions of the west and to the west of west fold, dam you, let the molemen wear glasses. and i screamed i am bob but my friends call me rob, do you have sweet cigars. na said my lord but i play a mean guitar


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

God and the Dietis were sorely offended at these words and struck bob down with a lightening bolt


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Thus Bob died again and was forced to think of another way to become reincarnated. He wracked his brain but could come up with nothing and think of nothing except peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches.


----------



## HLGStrider

The deities were merciful and put him back as a paper shredder. The paper shredder soon was very busy and shredded ten volumes of the encyclopedia Britanica.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Alas Bob did not enjoy this mundane existence and chose make a plea to become a can-can commie


----------



## HLGStrider

So they stuck him in a tutu and pushed him out on stage before a bunch of British Diplomats.


----------



## Samwise_hero

Bob was terribly embarrased and self concious (his tutu was a little short and tight). But decided to do a little dance for the fun of it. Soon Bob was being pounded with rotten fruit and nearly slipped and died again on his way running of the stage.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then the dieties said to him"Damn you bob, stop dying!" Bob whimperd and asked to be a woman named Jeny twowt


----------



## HobbitGirl

But the Dieties said "no, wait here while we have a little meeting." Bob tried to listen through the door, but St. Francis of Assisi was there to bap him on the head, so he didn't have a chance to hear much. Finally the Dieties came out and said to Bob, "We're going to erase your memory of all the crazy things that have happened to you and you're going to wake up in your bed at home. How does that sound?" Bob took a swing at them in reply, so they knocked him out and erased his memory anyway. Unfortunatly they were in such a hurry that they didn't do a very good job, so Bob still remembered how nice it was in Nirvana when he woke up. He wondered why his leg was itching, so he looked down and saw a gang of rabid wolverines that talked like Janet Reno chewing on his pajamas.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he decided that it was more worth it to die,so he asked the Virgin mary for interscession with Jesus, thehead of the dieties


----------



## HLGStrider

While he waited he was transformed into a scone and the Wolverines chased him into a pot of Green Tea. While he was in there he got all soggy....


----------



## 7doubles

he was then drinken up by an irish drunk who mistook him for a marshmellow


----------



## HLGStrider

Who spit him out yellling "CRUMBS!!! CRUMBS IN ME TE?!?!?!?"

Bob landed in the fire and shriveled into a newt.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

from whence he chose to crawl around


----------



## HLGStrider

He crawled into Strider's pipe and got high. He then danced with the Gycko Gecko to the moon.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

for flippin froggy poggy bobs


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob didn't know what he'd just done or said because what the heck is a froggy bop... He then got hit in the head by a jumping cow.


----------



## HobbitGirl

....and the little dog laughed to see such fun, and the dish ran away with the spoon.

"Again! Again!" they shouted at Frodo.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Frodo decided that he hated the spotlight and put on the ring


----------



## HobbitGirl

And Bob said, "You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. _Underhill_!!!!"


----------



## 7doubles

under hill, under dale, bob bounced across the trail..


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob bounced all the way to the ocean, where he met his fishy end


----------



## HLGStrider

His fishy end and his human end got into a fight and Bob had to delegate between them. He compromised and found his amphibean end. He then sang "It's not easy being green" with Kermit.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And all the ends lived happily ever after to the end of their chocolate sundays.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which ran out just 5 seconds later due to kermits appetite


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Miss Piggy attacked because she was annoyed that she didn't have a first name... She painted Kermit blue and Bob green and then stuck a carrot up the fishy's nose.


----------



## Samwise_hero

Bob's ends were not happy with this so they yelled out in unison "NOT HAPPY! MISS PIGGY!!!!!
And with swift actions painted Miss Piggy Orange. And then ran and hopped for their dear lives as King Triton emerged from the sea with his Triton sparking and ready to zap whoever annoyed him first. Once again it was poor unlucky Bob with the frogs legs..........( no one had ever seen a frog jump so high)........(well a half frog anyway)...........(rather odd i must say to see them at this time of year their not meant to be out until next season.)..........


----------



## Anamatar IV

The now green bob stumbled into a how to be a mime store. A few moments later he came out with a white face and striped clothes. He pulled his way over with an imaginary rope to King Triton and started pushing on a box. King Triton was very annoyed now. He raised his triton high and zapped bob. But luckily bob was secure in his invisible box.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but bob wasn't invisble,so he sued the company for false advertising


----------



## HobbitGirl

But the company had O.J. Simpson's lawer, so they won and Bob had to pay them 2 million dollars. Now poor bob was a green mime with a white face AND he was bankrupt. He was very depressed so he decided he was going to try to get back to Nirvana.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so he thought of an elaborate accidental looking suicide plan,but that failed so he asked the Coyote from the warner brothes cartoon for ideas


----------



## HobbitGirl

The coyote was seeing things at the time because he had been hit in the head by giant rocks one too many times. He thought Bob was the Roadrunner so he dropped a safe on Bob's head.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And Bob di...  did not get knocked out because by now he had the hardest skull that ever existed under the sun. The safe bounded off his head and went into the basket: swish! The crowd jumped up and shouted and yelled. "Three points!" Yelled the coach, and the championship had been won.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and twenty drunk soccer (or football) fans ran in circles immitating quiddtch players


----------



## HobbitGirl

And all the drunk basketball players got brooms and then really started playing Quidditch. Somehow Bob got a broom too and was trying to aviod getting hit by a bulger when Harry zoomed past Bob and knocked him out of the air.


----------



## HLGStrider

And he fell... and fell... and fell.. and caught up with Gandalf and the Balrog. The Balrog was arguing that Gandalf had to loose his sword because the Balrog's whip was busted and it gave Gandalf an un fair advantage. 
Gandalf gave the Balrog Bob to use instead.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than the balrog said to gandalf crying,"this is some stoopid human!Your notfair! I want a recount or something!"


----------



## HobbitGirl

But Gandalf just stuck his tounge out at the Balrog and started trying to chop off it's leg. Just then they hit the lake at the bottom of the abyss, and the Balrog let off steam. There was so much steam in the air that Bob was lifted up by it and he drifted away...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

To Mount Sinai where he found Moses, Joshua, Michael Jackson, and Mr. Rogers dancing in ballerina tutus.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and said "This is too wierd!"


----------



## Anamatar IV

but while Micheal Jackson was doing a ballarena style moonwalk he knocked bob off the mountain. Bob said "Ive been doing nothing BUT falling today!" just then a pack of mimes with wings flew up to the falling bob and carryed him to a ledge. There they started beating him with baseball bats for speaking.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And just when things couldn't (or could) get any weirder, the Bunny Mafia came back from the dead and they all charged at Bob with kitchen knives! Aaaaaah!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but through a magical transformation, the there good faires from Sleeping beauty changed them to featherse


----------



## HobbitGirl

So instead of turning poor Bob into mincemeat, the evil Bunny Mafia began to tickle Bob with the feathers until he wet his pants.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bob moaned "NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!" He struck back throwing Avacadoes, a trick he learned from the guacamoli girl. He then was captured by Moses' wife whose name was Tizpora... Tzzipar... Tzipaara... Uh... Mary Anne.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And Tizpora... Tzzipar... Tzipaara... Uh... Mary Anne fed him to her pet aligators for their afternoon tea. At that tea party was a certain gentleman named Klypar who had no idea why he was named what he was named, but it didn't matter as he was named that anyway. This gentleman enjoyed watching the aligator eat dessert so much that he wanted to come back and watch again tomorrow. Tizpora... Tzzipar... Tzipaara... Uh... Mary Anne had to promise to get some more dessert - probably camels from the Sahara Desert of Weirdos.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then bob went to college in the "National Terrorists university" and learended how to be a massuse


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And a masseuse he became but for pigs not humans. So, he massaged pigs all day and dreamed of the Sahara Dessert of m&m's.


----------



## Anamatar IV

but 1 pig wouldnt pay Bob. So the pig and Bob engaged in Mud wrestling. But wouldnt ya know it it wasnt actually mud. Is was where they get food for the school cafeteria. So Bob was sent to a middle school cafeteria to serve food.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And he gave all the kids indegestion and the entire school had to go home sick.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

BUT unbeknownst to Bob, yet beknownst by the evil alien principal of this school, the indigestion wasn't REALLY indigestion, but the pain caused by thousands of alien larvae eating up the children's intestines.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

But the principal blamed it all on Bob, and Bob was arrested for the discomfort of about 2000 some children. He was taken to court and forced to eat alien larvae from the new totalitarian alien government which was ruled by ants.


----------



## HLGStrider

The ants covered him in formic acid and used him as a bongo drum. They then held him up Lion King style and threw him in a pot of molassus and potatoes. The Alligators swam towards him, their tails thrashing like pendelums... Tick tock.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

said the clock in his bedroom, and bob woke up, snuggley and warm, and with his bunny slipers beside his bed


----------



## Wonko The Sane

As he slid his toasty toes into his bunny slippers the slippers turned on him and bit his big toes off with their rabid bunny teeth!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

from that he screamed "die you idioteic bunny slippers" till his voice no longer functoned


----------



## Wonko The Sane

He picked up a yellow parasol from the corner of the room and brandished it like a flaming sword. "Elendil!" he yelled as he leaped from the bed and pounced on the offending bunny slippers, stabbing all the while with the dull plastic knob of his parasol.


----------



## HLGStrider

As he was doing this he happened to catch sight of a semi out side his window. However it was the cab of the truck minus the trailer. It had no trailer and he could not help but wonder... _Where is that trailer? Did it leave it somewhere? What if it was carrying a load of live chickens? What if those chickens are out there somewhere, abandoned, and he doens't even know it... What if he thinkns they are still back there? What if they enter a small rural community and take it over? What if the rural communities inhabitants leave for fear of the chickens? What if they stay there and develop great technology, living off the frozen TV dinners in the abandoned Safeway? What if they run out of food and must branch out to new horizons... ??? What if they take over Washington state? What if the go to Seattle and climb to the top of the Space Needle? What if once on the top they decide to try and fly? What if, because they are chickens, they can't fly? What if they all land in a heep and only the last few survive? What if the resistance, led by weasels, then attacks? What if they must steal a car and flee south? What if they must swim the Columbia river and hide in a trailer...? What if the truck guy then realizes they're missing and goes back to look for them? What if he finds them and hooks back on the trailer and continues on his way? Would we ever know how this had happened and how the Chicken's love for flying and a weak weasel resistance had saved the world???_


----------



## Samwise_hero

And then Bob's thought's snapped back to present and the piercing pain in his right kneecap where one of the bunny slippers had just bitter off half of his knee. Then an awesome EEEEEWWWWWWWW was heard from the audience...........audience? What audience?...........the walls of Bob's bedroom suddenly start to move to releal a live audience and the fact that Bob is the star of his own TV show. "WOW" bob calls out " i always wanted to be just like Truman!!!!!!!!" But suddenly Jim Carey starts running towards bob with a machetti yelling "YOU COPY CAT YOU STOLE MY SHOW". And then suddenly in a cloud of smoke, Puff The Magic Dragon appears to save Bob from his near death encounter (this guy has to get a less stressful life! Geez!!)........


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Bob's mind roams back to the thoughts of the helpless chickens on the lonely Space Needle and he abandons his bunny slipper battle and the strangely morphed bedroom and hikes to the airport, despite his half-eaten kneecap and missing toes.
He hops a plane and 16 hours later arrives in Seattle, where he is greeted at the airport by....


----------



## HLGStrider

the weasel resistance who immediately identify him to be an enemy...

ooc: my last post being so long I can afford a short one now.


----------



## Anamatar IV

and the weasles attacked bob. So bob drew his papaer towel roll and started to fight the weasles in melee combat. the fight had gotten so good that the weasles and bob were sucked into the video game super smash bros melee.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the power went out and Bob was all alone, converted into digital form, on a back up file. He sat there waiting for the power to go back on.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and the audience walked out....pouting at the lack of sense


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But little did the audience know, a tiny girl name Fleur Des Jardins was still in the auditorium.

She picked up a microphone and started to sing, 'Manic Monday' over the loudspeaker!


----------



## HLGStrider

They threw Tomatoes at Bob... including BOB THE TOMATO!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and darth vader said "Ha luke i told you so!"


----------



## HobbitGirl

Bob was very confused. There was some crazy girl singing a crazy song on stage, Darth Vader and Luke were the only ones in the audience, and the rest of the audience was throwing tomatoes at him. Just then Darth Vader was overcome with the tomato rage and lept onto the stage, brandishing his lightsaber. Bob used the Force to steal Luke's lightsaber so he could duel with Vader. Their lightsabers clashed, and there was lots of static electriciy and buzzing noises in the air. Then Vader said to Bob, "Guess what? I am your father's brother's cousin's nephew's former roommate! Mua ha ha!"


----------



## Anamatar IV

Bob screamed in agony! "NO NO NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he fell off an extremely high balcony and fell onto the millenium falcon.


----------



## HobbitGirl

When Bob was in the Millenium Falcon he recognized his old friend (turned enemy turned friend again) Han Solo. Bob said, "Hey Han! Don't you recognize me?" Han looked over at Bob and said, "Oh, it's you! You're that guy who ditched out on my school of monotone acting!" At the mention of the acursed school, Bob once agian fell crying to the floor and curled up in the fetal position.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but leia went to the distraught bob, and said,"How could you be such a bad actor!"


----------



## HLGStrider

He began to sob harder... "It isn't my fault... I was just born that way..."

Then a rabid bunch of democrats attacked Leia and threw her out the air lock. 

"LEIA!!! COME BACK!!!" Han leapt after her. The democrats then turned on Bob, drool forming from the corners of their mouths. They came closer... and closer... Bob cowered against the wall... They reached for him and just when they were close enough to tear his heart out the leader said.
"We would like to talk to you about life insurance."


----------



## HobbitGirl

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOO! NOT LIFE INSURANCE SALESMEN! OH MERCIFUL HEAVEN, ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Bob screamed, and threw himself out of an airlock.


----------



## HLGStrider

He landed on the ground two feet below... apparently the Falcon had been parked the whole time. Nearby Han and Leia were making daisy chains and painting each other's toes.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Bob thought he was in Nirvana agian because he had seen people making daisy chains there. He said absentmindedly, "Where are those giant cookies?" Then he laid down on the asphalt and went to sleep.


----------



## HLGStrider

While he slept Han and Leia painted his toenails pink and covered him in flowers.
They then danced around him in a marriage ceremony that was a mix between Hindu and Hebrew tradtions.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Bob found 5 dollars.


----------



## Anamatar IV

but the money was enchanted. it stuck its tongue out at bob and danced away. The wind blew the money away from bob but bob wanted the money really bad since he forgot his wallet next to his bed when he was fighting the bunny slippers. SO he ran after the money and soon reached a vast desert that looked alot like a simpson episode that looked alot like a twilite zone episode.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And in the desert he found a man lying in a puddle of camel spit. He walked up to the man and kicked him in the head and he man bit his shin.


----------



## HLGStrider

He then ran off yelling "A CABANA SQUASH BANANA!!!"

That's when Bob realized that the man was really a baboon... He was simultatenously attacked by the LION KING!!!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

but Simba came running to his rescue and killed his own father. Bob was then elevated to the position of Lion King got to eat carmel all day long. He was now 119 years old.


----------



## HLGStrider

his birthday candles set the Serengeti aflame!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and a Vesuvius came for a party, too bad the volcano had to send lava as a present to bob


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And seeing the excitement from the lava and volcanoes, and not being able to resist, of course, Plate Tectonics Geek arrived on the scene and began swimming in the lava and hurling it at passing pedestrians.


----------



## HLGStrider

and again Bob began to think _Why are their pedestrians in the middle of the Serengeti... does it have anything to do with the chickens??? Perhaps they moved here from Seatle fleeing the chicken invasion. On the boat over here they got in a fight with the cantalope man and perhaps he sentenced them to walk and walk... forever walk? What would it be like to walk forever? I wouldnt' like it... Would you? Would anyone? Forest Gump ran for a long time but that isn't walking? Would he like to walk for a long time? What happens when you die? Do you have to walk when you die? Maybe you can fly? OR RUN!!! _ 

Bob managed to pull his mind back to the crisis at hand.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

The crisis at hand of course being whether or not Plate Tectonics Geek would ever be able to afford his phone bill.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Elgee came up and said "It's blantantly obvious. If you don't stop soon the IRS is going to come up and plant geraniums in your ears. If you don't stop throwing Lava the world will explode in two or three milliniums and then we will never know what the Vulcan high command really thinks of it... That would be tragic... wouldn't it?"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

To which Plate Tectonics Geek responded: "That's Pants!!", shortly later, "I like ducks!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob shook his head and quesnting why life came here


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then he stopped questioning things because Plate Tectonics Geek slapped him in the head with a two-by.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Geek had left the four out of the two by four for religious reasons so Bob really wasn't hurt that much. Then Elgee's uncle, the lumber plant manager, came by and started lecturing everyone on the difference between ponderosa and fir. Bob's head was spinning with terms like knots, clear, and two by fours. Hearing the sacriligous word Two-by-four, the Plate Tectonic Geek threw himself in front of a 747.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and fell into the oncomming plane becase the thought that it would further inhance the lava's dancing number if they were nervous.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But then Plate Tectonics Geek realized it would be stupid if he let himself be killed by a 747 because of how fearful he was of the number 4. 
So he calmy sidestepped the oncoming plane and then boarded it.

It was outbound for Seattle, and filled with monkeys on typewriters.


----------



## HLGStrider

who completed Romeo and Juliet and then started on the Origen of Species... they had that done by lunch.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And by lunch they arrived in Seattle where they all boarded a large monkey bus and took them to Wonko the Sane's house in Bellevue.

Where Wonko greeted them and invited them in for tea.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but they trashed her house!


----------



## HobbitGirl

And the monkeys invited a hundred bazillion people to Wonko's house and they had a huge party. Some of the guests included the Guacamole Girl, the Harrison Fords, Spongebob Squarepants, George Bush, and a busload of hippies that had been time-warped from the Sixties. Bob ducked as one of the Guacamole Girl's avacados whizzed over his head, and then dodged two monkeys that had thrown themselves at George Bush and were shoving rotten pears into the upturns of his suit.


----------



## Samwise_hero

The beings in the house were making a lot noise and the Three Little Pigs from next door were getting upset. So they came over and said that's it! The time for a revolution is now and us pigs are going to take over..........MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (obviously they had been reading too much of animal farm, what was George Orwell thinking encouraging pigs to rebel and boss us mere humans around!!!!!)...........But Bob wouldn't take it so he..........................


----------



## HLGStrider

confessed his undying love for both Wonko and the Guacamoli girl... He couldn't chose between them so he asked them to fight it out over him in a three day chess tournament against four White House Aides and the Simpson family.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But at that point Wonks had retired to her bedroom with Plate Tectonics Geek and asked that they kindly not be disturbed.
So Wonks's brother wonko, who's a better chess player anyway, kindly volunteered to sit in during the chess tournement.
But only if his pal Ryan could come too, and as they are joined at the hip, Bob kindly agreed.
So wonko and Ryan entered the chess tourney under the name Rah-Jay. Which is a combo of both they're names since they are inseparable.

But Bob was becoming disillusioned at Wonks's running off with Plate Tectonics Geek and was leaning evermore towards choosing Guacamole Girl to be his undying lover.

So as Rah-Jay and Guacamole Girl sat down to a grueling chess tournement Bob began the arduous task of knitting a wedding veil out of cheese cloth and cat fur for his lovely bride-to-be.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

But the blue cow of The Aged Grandmother would have none of it and slapped the Rah-Jay duo until they were blue in the face with yellow pimples. Being satisfied with her work, she set about to eat the wedding veil - all that was left anyway after the birds got to it. Then Wonko got tired of the Geek and came home screaming, "Die, pumpkin pie! Die!!!!" And the sun moved one inch closer to the earth.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But then the sun realised that Wonks would never tire of The Geek and so it moved back an inch and Wonks ran back to her room and resumed her *ahem* activities.

Then Bob smiled because his choice was made for him and he turned to his true love, The Blue Cow of the Aged Grandmother and gave it a big wet sloppy kiss!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

The cow mooed and the Aged-Grandmother smiled. She had accomplished her purpose and could now go see what to do with the knitting needles that had just grown out of Bob's ears.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a little child named Lapis Lazuli was crocheting a hammock for her 1 legged cousin when she dropped a stitch. Consumed with her feelings of failure she drowned herself in a vat of cleaning solution and jell-o and her happily freed spirit skipped up into the hills singing, "There ain't no bugs on me...there ain't no bugs on me..."

Back at Wonks's house people were knocking on her door trying to disturb her and so she smacked them with a board.

And then she found five dollars.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than in the blink of an eye, George bush came in with the chinesse president and said,"What the hell are you doing in my house!'


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks and Plate Tectonics Geek sat bolt upright in bed and realized they were NOT in Kansas anymore!!!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And the clock fell off the wall and landed in the dog's water dish and splashed George Bush's suit with dog slobber. He began to cry and blubber while the Chinese President laughed, "Hahahahaha!!!!!" Wonko and Geek just stared.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then they started to make out...
But Beorn, of TTF moderator fame, came by and made them go off to their own private room away from the blubbering president and the hysterical Chinese Ambassador.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Chinese President announced he was going to bomb Moldova, but Beorn deleted his count so he commited suicide by hitting his head against a watermelon while wearing a leisure suit. Bob was now wide eyed and to make things worse the Guacamoli girl annouced she was going to join herself to Wonko's other hip.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And wonko was infinitely pleased because he had not had a girlfriend in..well...pretty much ever. So he delightedly let her claim her place on his free hip and Guaca-Rah-Jay-mole-Girl paraded around the room singing "Down in the Valley".

Meanwhile Wonks the Fox and Plate Tectonics Geek had moved far far away so they could cuddle and talk about volcanoes and continental drift in peace.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which is why the world ended in a huge cloud of macaroni and cheese powder.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

But you CAN'T forget the Alpine Touch! The macaroni and cheese was covered with Apline Touch - so much in fact that it couldn't be eaten by the family of badgers which lived on the hill next to The Aged-Grandmother's chicken coop.


----------



## HLGStrider

But they did forget the Alpine touch... and that was why Bob was sentenced to live under neath a bridge playing double solitaire with mice for the next twenty years. Wonko felt sorry for him and chose to join him in exile.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

wonko the BOY that is. Who is NOW referred to as Guaca-Rah-Jay-Mole-Girl because of the two people he has attached to his hips.

Wonks The Fox and Plate Tectonics Geek however did NOT join Bob, becuase they were too busy laughing at Bob, cuddling, and playing a little chess of their own. (All whilst discussing continental drift, mind you!)


----------



## HobbitGirl

And one day Bob decided to get a pet cat. The cat ate all the solitare-playing mice, and Bob was free, Free, FREE!!!!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

So the customer picked him off the Wal-Mart shelf and took him home to sit outside as a scarecrow in the garden.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

where he sufferd from horrible frost bite, by the end of the winter he had no limbs left and was named Torsocrow


----------



## HobbitGirl

And the crows all attacked Bob, but he could't defend himself because he was limbless...and the crows ate him. Poor Bob had died AGAIN. But he didn't go to Nirvana like he had hoped; instead he was reincarnated as a squirrel because he had bills to pay and other unfinished business.


----------



## HLGStrider

However his creditors would not accept acorns as Payment so they sold him to a flying squirel circus where he had to battle the owls wearing a gladiator costume...


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

Unfortunately, during one of his performances he had an unfortunate encounter with Lilo the Clown and had to go to the hospital to get the teeth marks removed from his arms. While there he dreamt of pigeons and cochroaches, and when he awoke he became aware that it hadn't been a dream.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Squirrels had all driven the roaches into his hospital room where they were furiously vying for superiority against the pigeons. Burt was waddling around "Doing the... Piiiiiiiiigeon..." Ernie than ran in with the Boogie Woogie Sheep and Rubber Ducky. They threw Bob into the garbage can where Oscar hid him with the elephants and then sent him to Abu Dabi with Nermal the cute kitten.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then a huge comet that came from somewhere in Pluto's armpit crashed into the Earth and the world plunged into two thousand years of perpetual blackness and everyone fell asleep. Bob dreamed....


----------



## HLGStrider

about pizza with extra ketchup and blackberries... he dreamed that the peaches attacked earth. He dreamed that they were tickling his toes and making him into an Italian Soda.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ahh what creamy deligths bob enticed himself in....wait...he's not in nirvana yet...this movie sucks...waste of my cash!


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

So the movie theatre owner kicked Tar out of the theatre for making a disturbance during the movie by throwing her popcorn at the other movie goers. And Bob climbed out of the screen in the form of a hairy spider....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar went back in, and in seeing the spider said, "YOU FOUL SPAWN OF UNOLIGANT,"She screamed taking a knife at Bob.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And Tar was arrested for first degree murder and violation of movie theatre laws.  Her lawer was Tom Hanks, but he didn't do a good job so Tar ended up in prison for life. And the ghost of Bob haunted her day in and day out.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Tom Hanks, meanwhile, went on to make loads of money washing the Escalades and Navigators up in Hollywood Hills.


----------



## Nenya Evenstar

And Tar went insane from being torchured by poor Bob's torchured ghost.  The two of them finally became fast insane friends and they lived in the jail as happy little crickets.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Until one day some bug eater tunneled into their cell while trying to escape and ate them...


----------



## HLGStrider

And just when things couldn't get worse the mods moved the thread from Writers to Role Playing and Wonko challanged Elgee over the Weirdo seat... Elgee put the popcorn box over her head and ran around playing "From The Earth to the Moon." She was one of the dogs.


----------



## aDaHe

as she ran she could not see and ran head first into George Bush surraunded by his MIB,"ahhhh" they yelled in unison and started a personal punch up that the MIB only sat there and laughed as the president got the crap betten out of him.
2 hours passed and it contined...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Wonko ran off to hide under the table and wonder how she could have a) Let herself get so tall, and b) decided to fall for someone who was totally wrong for her...until she realized that none of it mattered so long as the ducks were happy.
And they were.
So she gave her blessing to their ducky union and went on her merry way.


----------



## captin_obvious

untill one day, the smurfs came out and sang their smurfy song dancing around the dead monkey and weasle while bob got reincarnates as spam. after he got home, the cows ate him and fell over dead from food poisening. after that, the flying monkeys came out and sang 'ding dong, the which is dead...' while jumping on the dead cows. ten, a big glob od dog crap came out of the sky smothering and killing everyone, including the dead cows, who go moo. when the kleen up crew came by, the herd a mooing noise and got totally freaked out that they ran away going 'aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkbbbbbllllaaaaaannnnnniiiivvvvvvveeeeeettttttyyyyyuuuuuurrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' which made no sense whatsoever to bob, who was now a car.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the two ducks of which Wonks spoke climbed into the car to lay eggs and have more ducks and such.


----------



## captin_obvious

when the kleen up people finally got the courage to go back to the car, the ducks were there! the ducks decided that they wanted bob so the killed the kleen up people by pecking their internal organs out. don't ask me how the ducks did this, i guess they are very powerful ducks. after the ducks killed the people, the penguins came down from their spaceship in the hole bob fell down and distroyed everone on the earth, including bob! then fred came out and started laffing at the dead geoge bush laying on the ground curled up like al litte sissy girl with, *GASP* a can of un opened spam in his hand! (*GASP* again)! then fred stole the can of spam and shouted "I'M THE RICHEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! the geoge bush came majickally back alive and said, "dammit fred, gimme my spam back!" then fred ran away laffing like a little skool girl. then, the secret service came out of the same hole bob fall in and scared the bejeebies out of fred! after that, fred fell down dead because the s.s scared the bejeebies out of fred.(and we all know we cant live without our bejeebies) and the s.s. all laffed and said, "hey....lets go get some coffe and doghnuts....." and the all skipped merrily down the yellow brick road, singing 'We're off to see the wizzard...'


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And suddenly they were all run over by a lorry.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Finally Tar escaped taking out her vengance on Elgee for the refusal of her omlets so long ago.


----------



## Eol

And she smote him and ate omelets to her fill until the penguin warlord Mighty Mouse attacked.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

she anihlated the penguin and took a nap


----------



## Wonko The Sane

While Sylvia lay sick among the silverware.


----------



## Eol

And the Mighty Penguin was resurrected and fought again for the omelets.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

While Sylvia quietly vomited amongst the cutlery.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee made her own omeletes... so there...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but ignored the valiant effort because of HAM!!!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

While Sylvia recovered from her illness and went to hide in a puddle, but was delayed due to an excessively long ovserseas phone call from the International Man of Mystery. Who made her swoon.
So she had to be revived with Diet Pepsi and Nerds candy.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

bob gave her a back massage and she went back into her swoon


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was especially appropriate as Sylvia had spent the entire night before hiking all over Somerset hill with a pack full of books, and Hum-Bow from the vietnamese restaurant at the mall.

But then Sylvia swooned again. And the International Man of Mystery had to give her a kiss to revive her.


----------



## HLGStrider

But Bob jumped up and down on his spinal cord to make him stop and then threw him into the range stove. Out came the old witch who said...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

"Cor blimey luvaduck!"


----------



## HLGStrider

that was why the dogs started barking... that was why the monster came... that was why I painted on a moustache and kitty cat whiskers with mascara...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

That's also why the seventh moon of Klan-pflugit donned a pink party dress and frolicked with the elves and men in Dunharrow.

But NOT why Wonks conducted secret illicit business with sexy Brits at all hours of the night....ooh wait...that should read:

That's NOT why the seventh moon goddess of Klan-pflugit donned a pink party dress and frolicked with the elves and men in Dunharrow.

But it IS why Wonks conducted secret illicit business with sexy Brits at all hours of the night. 

Because really, who can resist a Brit who'll say "Cor Blimey Luvaduck!"?!


----------



## HLGStrider

ELGEE COULD!!!

Elgee boogies... 

The ducks boogie.

The boobie man really boogied...

BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks boogied.

But in an entirely different way of course.


----------



## HLGStrider

in and incredibly awful evil way! Not at all nice and weird like Elgee and ehr cats... Then Wonko put a pie on Elgee's head.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

It was Banana Cream! And mmmmm.

But it wasn't evil or awful boogieing that Wonks did. It was delightful and entrancing.

At least her dancing partner gave no complaints.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee hates bannanas... that was evil...

Dr. Laura came in and cleaned up the mess. She then kidnapped Bob and the Harrison Fords for counseling.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but Han Solo mistook tar ancalime for Princess Leia so he began to flirt with her.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Until he realised that he loved Wonks more and so he went up to her and asked for a bit of a snog.

And Wonks joyfully complied.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than his mind was suddenly turned to an aluring figure...Tar as Leia and he said to wonks "Later babe"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Plate Tectonics Geek got jealous and came and slapped Han Solo with a board and Han Solo died, his last words before he UNARGUABLY PASSED AWAY were "I love Wonks" effectively ending the Tar vs. Wonks argument as to whom Han Solo really wanted.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then it started to rain apple flavored air heads and cheese pizza. A bunch of starving half crazed weasels chased Weird Al out of the donut shop and he got in a fight with Bob over who got the last bear claw.


----------



## HobbitGirl

But Bob ran away with the bear claw before Al could beat him up, and Al said "I HATE SOURKRAUT!!!!!"

And Bob walked away singing, "Everything you know is wrong, black is white up is down and short is long...."


----------



## HLGStrider

eThen Zelda, the love of both Bob and Al's life entered the room... she was like a breath of fressh air... she was like that feeling you get when you are watching your math homework burn... BURN BABY BURN...


----------



## HobbitGirl

And in an attempt to impress the fabulous Zelda, Al began to make up parodies of really bad disco songs on the spot. Bob began to break dance and hit his head on the wall while in mid-spin.


----------



## HLGStrider

He dreamed he was back in bed, listening to a lecture on Home Economics by his Bunny Slippers and the Plate Tectonics Geek. They then sewed him into a pillow and hid him under the first base of Anaheim's angel's stadium.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Bob sighed about the glory that is ANY dream that features Plate Tectonics Geek, even if it is just about Home Economics lessons and Bunny Slippers and no snogging is involved to speak of. 

But when Bob woke up, cruelly abandoned by Plate Tectonics Geek and said Bunny Slippers, sewn into a pillow under first base of the Angel's stadium he wept salty tears for his misfortune in life and he chewed his way free only to meet with...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

really the argument wasn't ended because it was a mistranslation (sorry wonks).


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Plate Tectonics Geek slaps Tar-Ancalime with a board and Tar forgets what she was talking about and goes to reassmble broken pretzels in the corner of the room.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

NO he doesnt, he slaps wonko...I can vouch for that


----------



## HLGStrider

But Elgee got a job as a sportscaster! There she was happy... the bunny slippers worked with her towards world peace.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

> _Originally posted by Tar-Ancalime _
> *NO he doesnt, he slaps wonko...I can vouch for that *



Which meant nothing because a) Tar was already out cold, and b) Plate Tectonics Geek would never slap his beloved Wonko with a board.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

No shes not because she's typing, Ha!" Exclaimed TAR


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which didn't negate the fact that Plate Tectonics Geek would never hit Wonks. 

But then Elgee turned into a zombie and bit Tar's neck and exclaimed "I vant to suck your blood" at which point Tar turned on her and said, "You're supposed to be a zombie, you idiot. Not a vampire! You're supposed to eat my flesh not drink my blood!" And Elgee said, "Oh...sorry" wiped her mouth and walked away to re-read the script.
And then Wonks realized she was being stupid and tossed Han Solo to tar saying: "You can have him. Plate Tectonics Geek and I are going to go be deliriously happy over there for a while."


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then the Hobbit Girl laughed at all the people fighting over ugly guys and walked arm in arm with her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart west of the moon and east of the sun.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Until Wonks slapped Hobbit Girl with a board for calling her man ugly.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Yay!" Tar said, and then joined in hurting hobbit girl


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Ah! Oh! Ag!" cries Hobbit Girl as she is mercilessly beaten by the two mean people. But just in time her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart whisks her away to safety.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At which point Tar and Wonks throw their boards at the retreating couple.

That'll show you to call our men ugly!


----------



## HobbitGirl

Hobbit Girl ignored the pain of the flying boards, but what was harder to ignore was the pain of guilt. Finally she flung herself at Wonko and Tar's feet and cried, "Please, please forgive me for calling your men ugly! In fact, that Plate Techtonics Geek is kind of cute..." Hobbit Girl ducked as both Wonko and Tar took a swing at her and ran away into the arms of her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee finished reading the script and went to audition for a part in Hello Dolly. However, they threw her out because she could not sing and in a moment of insanity hired Harison Ford, still dead, to play Horace Vanderguilder.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and then ali hackem from Oklahoma began to call wonko his persian kitten because their the ones with the soft, round tails


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee curled up purring.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but ado annie and Gurdie Cummings were both enraged and forced eglee into a cat fight.


----------



## HLGStrider

but she cried and made such a fuss that they were embarrassed and turned her over to an albino hamster. The hamster took Bob as well and made him run on his spinning wheel.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Wonko realised her life was a train wreck so Plate Tectonics Geek gave her a back massage and they went off to drink moonshine and sit around a bonfire built in a wheelbarrow.


----------



## captin_obvious

and then, jobob came running in, yelling "hahahahahahaahahahahaha! you all suck! you all fight over ugly men! hahahahahahaahahahahahaha!" and skipped marrily out before anyone coud hurt her, all the while, jobob was singing 'mary had a little lamb'......while everyone stared the hall that majickallly appeared out of the wall where the dead hon solo lay....wondering who the crazy psyco lady was.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And suddenly Jobob was run over by a lorry.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Wait a minute rewind ....when did my han solo die?


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Wonks rolls her eyes at Tar's silliness and goes off to fall asleep in the arms of the wonderful Plate Tectonics Geek.


----------



## HobbitGirl

The Hobbit Girl then walked up to JoBob and said, "Be careful whose guy you call ugly. They will tar and feather you!"  Before she walked away, she turned around and said to JoBob, "Are you a cow? Is that why you say Moo? Or are you one of the secret order of Cow Howlers? I am a Cow Howler! Join me in howling in the manner of the cows!"

MOOOOOOOOOOOO!!


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died besides Weird Al and his tenor saxophone.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and we all sang harvey the wonder hamster


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Wonks woke up and decided she was up for a bit of fun, so she bought three pounds of margarine and melted it in a plastic wading pool and then pulled out an enormous artichoke and began to eat it.


----------



## HLGStrider

ooc: give this thread a rating!

The artichoke suddenly became alive. It opened it's big jaws and snapped up Harison Ford and half the Harison Ford clones. It then attacked the ground hog and took Bill Murray captive.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At which point Wonks's cell phone began to ring and vibrate in her pocket. She picked it up and on the other end she heard a delightfully English and delightfully male voice say: "Artichoke".

And she fainted.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and Tar laughed


----------



## HobbitGirl

And Hobbit Girl looked around and around for the Captin of the Obvious, but she was no where to be found. While she was spinning she ran into Bob and accidentally knocked him over. Bob fell, and as he fell he turned into a microorganism and powered his cillia to swim away from the insanity.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And while Wonks was asleep she had a dream, that the Englisman on the phone had moved to Seattle to live with her and they went shopping for dinner and they were going to buy artichokes but the artichokes were out of season and had bugs on them.

And then she woke up and her phone told her that she was loved and she smiled and sighed and fell back asleep deliriously happy.

(True story!)


----------



## HLGStrider

It was all the phones fault. Talking phones that tell people they are loved or hated or disgusted or whatever were spreading rapidly across the country due to the evil Natzi Patty Hamburger company, led by Bull E. Bullroarer. Only one man could oppose Bullroarer and his evil phones. CAPTAIN VASCHNITAVASHNORKAL, the inventer of the snorkle with the breathing tube shaped like Mickey Mouse ears. He came in on his famous Submarine, the Bleep-Bleep-Bleep.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

It wasn't a talking phone...it was a text message.

And Elgee fell over from drinking too much Sambuca and telling wild stories about submarines and sea-men.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Hobbit Girl asked, "What about Bob? Where did he go?" And the blue-and-purple-three-legged-dog answered in a high, squeaky voice, "Bob's a paramecium!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks got worried.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And Bob swam. He swam and he swam and he swam. He swam until his cillia no longer worked and his chloroplasts turned yellow. At last when he could swim no longer Bob hit saltwater. He drifted around in the ocean until a whale swallowed him up. Bob thought it was all over. He was so scared he emptied his vacuoles. But just then a little pink fairy flew down through the whale's blowhole and changed Bob back to normal: the way he had been when he first fell down the hole in his bedroom. Bob was so happy to be human again he wanted to throw a party, but he remembered that he was in a whale's stomach. So Bob gathered up a bunch of debris that was floating around in the whale's stomach and built himself a boat. He rowed right out of the whale's mouth and was soon being tossed about by the ocean in his little boat.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks cried.


----------



## HLGStrider

OOC: Ok guys and gals... let's stop talking about ourselves. This story is about Bob...
IC:
Suddenly Tar, Elgee, Wonko, and the Hobbitgirl disappeared and went to live in their own private dreamworld, Tar with Han Solo, Elgee with Aragorn, Wonko with the Plate Techtonics Geek and a few guys with accents, and Hobbit Girl with the green eyed fellow. 

Bob was tossed about on the ocean. Suddenly the Red October serfaced beneath him and Alec Baldwin yelled out "VOTE DEMOCRATIC OR I'LL MOVE TO BRAZIL AND SEND TURKEY VULTURES TO STALK YOU!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

he said, "NOOOOO, I cant be lax on my morals, those democrats dont even brush their teeth"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

OOC: Plate Tectonics Geek IS a guy with an accent...and besides, I want only him...can you change your character write off a bit so that it's true!? *feigns righteous indignation*

IC: And Bob smiled revealing row upon row of perfect teeth, and said, "But us Republicans we're the picture of dental hygeine!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Yay!" the republicans said.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then the Republicans did their victory dance and made the Democrats eat lard and sing show tunes.


----------



## HLGStrider

Linedancing democrats singing show tunes is not a pretty sight so Bob fainted. When awoke Hillary Clinton was turning him on a spit above a fire of old white water documents. Bill was nearby talking to Princess Leia about a personal matter.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

When Bob started screaming he shouted: Oh my god! Not again!!!

And Bill turned and said, "Hey! I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!" as he jerked his thumb in Leia's direction.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

bob just wondered what drugs he was using


----------



## HLGStrider

Leia sniffed. "Of course he didn't," she said. She then hit him over the head with her brother's light saber and ran off with an Ewok.


----------



## captin_obvious

then jobob came running on and wondered where bob was. then, she saw the carred remnants of bob on a smoldering stck nearby. jobob was hungare, and bob did look good.....10 minutes later, when there was no more bob left, jobob realized that democrats were in the room. jobob got out her toothbrush and started to brush her teeth. all the democrats sawand started aying in unison, "AAAAHHHHHH! I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH HER!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!" and the all melted into a large puddle of democratic goo. then a water buffalo came out and went moo. after billy-norman, the water buffalo, went moo, he decided whe wanted a drink.....and there WAS the democratic goo....5 minutes later, there was no democratic doo puddle.....to say the least.. then jobob went "YEE HAW! GIDDY UP BILLY-NORMAN!" and the trotted merrily out, just in time to get away from the celebrating republicans moshing to motzart.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then a girl walked into the room, who slightly resembeled Wonks but who wasn't Wonks because this story is about Bob, and Bob began to hit Wonks with a board, and then all sorts of girls came on from all over the place some of them English some of them not, and began to hit Wonks-Alike with boards too.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob cried out in fear "I'm surrounded by wonks lookalikes, I wish that I was alladin and could call them off with my genie"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, who was alive and dead at the same time having been eaten by Jobob and also being present to wonk the wonkers. He watched that watcher watch watching that bee.


----------



## HLGStrider

The bees attacked with mercy. They were the perfect bees from the placeyou'veneverbeen before, the perfect island surrounded by the perfect storm you can only get through in the perfect boat if you leave on Wednesday at 5 am..

OCC this and Vischnitavasnorkel I am borrowing from some boys I know with mental problems...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

where the mayor's wife can faint and her dutiful husband they mayor will always catch her...

*based on pesonal expirence*


----------



## HLGStrider

Then one day the Mayor's husband missed which set off a chain reaction which made the island start to sink into the sea while Sebastian the Crab sang with Rikki Martin.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and than Justice league came to save the island


----------



## captin_obvious

then, out of nowehere, the whale came up and swallowed rikki martin and the world rejoyced...even the salsa in the bottle made with fake tomatoes grown in the 'secret' labs that 'nobody' knoes about was very gleeful....if that's even a word....after the tomatoes were done being happy because they got eaten, george bush came out and said, "ATTACK SUDAM!!!! ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTTAAACCCKKK!!!!!!!" and so, the military, along with bob, went out and attacked sudam. thus causing sudam to fall out of his chair in the clouds and doing a faceplant onto the ground below. it wasn't the falling for so long that hurt sudam(for he rather liked that part), but it was the sudden stop and the loosing the bejeebies that hurt him, then, adventually killed him(because we can't live without our bejeebies.HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!)then george did his patented 'happy dance' and lived happily ever after.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

or so CNN told us...

but what really happend was...bob was dreaming, iin his dream George bush came and said..."REgister for the draft!"...bob thinking george was God did. and they caught saddam, but since the lawyers had their way Saddam died in an insane asylum on an asprin overdosage/


----------



## HLGStrider

Then in the land of Goshen Ramses II ran into the Nile. He was eaten by a crocagator who was Saddam reincarnated by the evil Jimmy Hoffa god. Hoffa and the muppets got together and rebuilt the Pharos of Alexandria along with the teamsters.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

no matter how good that sounds...IT NEVER HAPPEND!

what REALLY happend was...

bob woke up in his own home, with Christina aguleria preparing to leave, because she spent the night. After her failed music career she resorted to becoming a prostitute.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And as Christina began to run out of the door without collecting her payment, 32 of the Wonks look-alikes appeared and Bob told them that out of a cross-section of English and Forum females an astounding 67 percent hated her (the original).

Because she was evil.

And then they all got run over by a lorry.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Alas, that was propoganda led by Britney spears...and so it was not true

did I mention

No matter how good it sounds...IT DID NOT HAPPEN


----------



## 7doubles

it was a paradime shift, he doppleganged himself to time bob reality.


----------



## HLGStrider

That was why the dogs began to howl at midnight. It was not because Lord Caravan was struck down by the Mummy's curse. It was not because of that sneaky little guy sneaking around. It was not because Bob was throwing Christmas ordaments at the Grinch.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

It WAS because he had opened his mail and found that a four hour phone call overseas is quite expensive, and it WAS because he woke up shivering because all his blankets had been eaten by termites in the night, and it WAS because he couldn't get any sleep for being so completely infatuated with a girl we shall call Daisy. Because that is her name.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but REALLY all the previous explanations were wrong and bob was getting a massage by the plate tectonics geek.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which outraged Wonks because Plate Tectonics Geek would never do that because he's completely faithful and devoted so she thwacked the person who accused Plate Tectonics Geek of massaging someone else with a board.

And then Bob got all excited for a fight and started frothing at the mouth and shouting, "ELENDIL!!!"


----------



## captin_obvious

and then they all got run over bya truck full of crazed penguins that escaped from the mental hospital just down the road. the penguins were foaming at the mouth and screaming "LORRY!!!!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but sadly nothing of the sort occured...and OJ simpson made friends with a six foot midget.


----------



## HLGStrider

I blame it on graduated income tax.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

what asked the eager collenge grad


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Professor Higgins appeared from the wings and began to lecture on graduated income tax and the joys of having an all you can eat combination Hot-Dog/Chinese Restaurant Buffet just down the street from him.

And then a crazed woman with dark hair who can't sing came and thwacked Wonks with a Halibut.


----------



## HLGStrider

Higgins was then attacked by Liza who through him off the cliffs of Dover... his last words were the rain in spain...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Until his body washed up on the beach with a herring in his mouth.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Ooh," said Marrion the Librarian. "That's got to hurt." 

She then ran off with Bing Crosby and started a Disco Club. Frank Sinatra bombed it.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then HobbitGirl gathered up the herring and halibut (and some blue fin tuna, some yellow fin tuna, some clams, and a few octopus tentacles for a salad) and started a stupendously grand Sushi Bar on the corner of State Street and 7200 South. But the diamond store that was already on the corner of State Street and 7200 South rebelled and a huge war broke out in which many people were trapped inside the building with people throwing diamonds on one side and sushi on the other. Everyone got caught up in the fight, including Bob, who was on HobbitGirl's side and was throwing sushi at the diamond people. This was all very dissapointing for HobbitGirl's gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart, who's sushi was impaled by several very large diamonds which made the sushi taste bad when he ate it.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than unbeknownest to him but beknownstt to us...the world ended


----------



## HobbitGirl

And Hobbit Girl screamed, "Get in the lifeboats! Women, children, and sushi first!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But it was a false alarm, sadly jack forgot to convince rose to not jump


----------



## HLGStrider

She fell down into a whirl pool.
"Oh well," said Jack. He went off and married Halle Barry. Bob, however, was heart broken. He jumped in after Rose only to find her in Luke Skywalker's arms at the bottom of the sea. He then left in a huff and joined a dance troup.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

> _Originally posted by Tar-Ancalime _
> *than unbeknownest to him but beknownstt to us...the world ended *



Yay! You used my "unbeknownest to...but beknownst to" line!!!

It was a RiverDance troupe, headed by Wonks so that she could make her tour of Great Britain and put in an extended stay in Coventry with her darling Plate Tectonics Geek.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bob said, "This is my story! How did Wonks get in my story? She's not supposed to be in here."

Bob was so disturbed that he quit the dance troup and went to the North Pole to paint faces on snow globes.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks exited the story to live her happily ever after life in England with her darling Plate Tectonics Geek whom she loved quite dearly.


And Bob started painting faces on snow globes, but he got stir-crazy and started to paint erotic pitctures of penguins instead.


----------



## HLGStrider

So they had to kick him out of the North Pole. He was sent to the south pole. Once there he befriended a polar bear named Sophie and spent his days playing tictac toe and throwing rocks at the scientists.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But then he wondered where he conjured up the images of these pornographic penguins seeing as there are no penguins on the North Pole.


----------



## Rogue666666

must of been his own sick mind he concluded.
Then one day a scientist on the island made a mistake and half the world went up in nuclear fire. Thankfully bob was playing hide and seek with his polar bear friend and was at the oposite side of the earth at the time.


----------



## HLGStrider

There were a lot of solar flares that day.. they danced to the tune of the mad sax.


----------



## Rogue666666

Bod decide he cared nothing for the mad sax, so he went on a tour of the world. Unfortunately the guide on his cruise ship hadn't heard about the nuclear fallout so that when Bob's skin started to turn green he attributed it to that half moldy sandwich he ate in the begining of the story.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then as a certain 19 year old femme was reading the posts on Bob's Ridiculous Story thread she was shocked...as she thought that they had said something COMPLETELY different than Mad Sax (by only one vowell  )and she was wondering how they got away with it.

And then Bob drank too much tequila while watching Dangerous Beauty and fell onto the floor.


----------



## Wolfshead

Ok, so, first time RP-ing. So... bear with me... Oh, and I've read only the last 2 pages, so likely I've got the story all messed up, oh well  

Having drunk all this tequila, Bob started to see all kinds of strange things on the ceiling... "Hey", he thought, "that looks just like a giraffe", commenting on the lampshade.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which he then promptly picked up and put on his head.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Stop this foolishness!" yells a disgruntled man in a millitary outfit..."it's too silly, this skit is over, on the the next one which BTW is a very good number and NOT silly!" he continued on


----------



## HLGStrider

"Never!" shouts Bob. "Never never never..." The giraffe hits Bob on the head for stealing his lamp shade and condemns him to dance the macarena with a fish... a herring, to be specific... a red herring... a communist red herring... a communist red herring with goggles on... a communist red herring with goggles on and a bad case of swimmers ear... a communist red herring with goggles on and a bad case of swimmers ear who didn't care about the stock exchange... a communist red herring with goggles on and a bad case of swimmers ear who didn't care about the stock exchange and thought golf was a silly sport...


----------



## Rogue666666

That offended Bob, since bob was neither a communist ( at least he didnt think he was) AND he loved golf. He lunged at the herring, but it was to quick for him. The herring deftly avoided Bob's fist and gave Bob a backflip kick to the face. Didn't Fat Young Cow use that move in Crouching Goldfish, Hidden Tuna?, bob thought as he drifted into unconciusnous.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than 5,000,000 dead parrots fell on his head


----------



## Rogue666666

3 years later, when Bob had finished digging himself out of the parrots he saw how his life had taken many strange turns, and that a diet consisting soley of dead parrot wasn't really that bad.

Anyways, he wanted life to go back to normal, so he went to the nearest pub and ordered the purest liquor available. Unfortunately there was a shortage and Bob ened up drinking two liters of 95% scotch.


----------



## Wolfshead

Whilst completely out of the game after having drunk so much Scotch, many people walked past him, commenting on his slightly colourful appearance. This being a result of his predominantly parrot diet. Upon waking, Bob found a small crowd of people around him, all offering to take him to the nearest hospital. Our hero tried to resist but there was no stopping the men in white coats who eventually put him in the back of a white van.


----------



## Rogue666666

During the following trip in the white van, Bob floundered between waking and sleep. Every once in a while he would see Men, men with white masks, men with white clothes, white tools, white face, white shoes, white eyes, white hats, white HAIR! The World's been WHITE WASHED he cried in agony, and then drifted off into the world of sleep once more.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and the truth is...that it's all a visage


----------



## HLGStrider

No that's a lie! It was the parrots! It was all their fault! It wasn't my fault! It was the parrots!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

It's max beallysux latest show! Will it flop or will it go? The cast is taking its final bow here comes the audience now, the doors are open they're on their way lets here what they have to say?!

He's done it again, he's done it again, max beallysux has done it again! You can't believe it, you cant concieve it it's the worst show in town! We couldn't leave faster, what a disasteor, that slimy, sleezy max beallysux...What a bum!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Bob went to sit down to a game of Trivial Pursuit with a gorgeous, green eyed American.
And as they were playing the American girl's sister, who has brown eyes and is far more beautiful than Sigourney Weaver, made an offhand comment about how British men don't brush their teeth.
At which point the American girl with the green eyes and the outraged tongue defiantly stood up for British men everywhere.
And when said girl's British boyfriend came to the states for the holidays he brought the brown eyed girl a toothbrush as a present and NOT the neck monkey that had been previously requested.

And Bob, who observed this all smiled and said, "Isn't love grand?" before he drank an entire bottle of Sweet Vermouth and a bucket full of Merschino Cherry juice.

And when he woke up he was hanging upside from the monkey bars, exposing his mysteriously pierced navel to a gaggle of primary school children (all female) in ridiculously prim uniforms.

At 3 am GMT.


----------



## HLGStrider

"This is highly irregular," swallowed the school mistress. She then went to take some cortazon and bath in oil extracted from the leaves of poison oak. She had always preformed this ritual every night before watching Enterprise. Before Enterprise was on she'd watched Voyager and Before Voyager was on she'd watched Generations. Before Generations she had watched the origenal series, but she never watched Deep Space Nine? Do you know why she never watched Deep Space Nine? Because there was a trill in her stomach. Yes, a nasty trill who didn't like DSN. 
Then Benjamin Sisco took a lightsaber and broke her tv in half and Dax emerged from the faucet.


----------



## Wolfshead

And to rather spoil the mood of things, Sisco announced, "Bob, I am your father".


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Right before he was explained away by Benjamin Bratt and disappeared in a puff of logic.

And Benjamin Bratt the Oh-So-Sexy turned to Sandra Bullock, who began to chime "You looove me, you want to kiiiiiiss me, you think I'm goooorgeous..."

And then Plate Tectonics Geek retired from Happily Ever After for a brief moment to slap Sandra with a board, "Take that, Julia Roberts!" he yelled. "It's not 'looove' it's 'lurve'" and then he went back to his blissful existence with Wonks which had by now moved from England to somehwere near a tropical volcano on a Volcano Monitoring/Astronomical Observatory station.


----------



## HLGStrider

However, Bob, who had never known his real father due to a tragic traffic accident involving a large number of chickens and an armored car, was pleased as punch. He immediately insisted that Sisco take him to a baseball game and buy him some peanuts and cracker jacks.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was, sadly, impossible seeing as Benjamin Bratt had explained Sisco away in a puff of logic only moments before.


----------



## Wolfshead

Whilst at the baseball game, Bob met his old friend Buzz Lightyear. The two mischief-makers snuck off and hid behind a computer after stealing some candy floss. Bob inadvertantly dropped his candy floss on the computer and it exploded. The next thing they knew, they were being asked if they wanted drinks by a waiter. It turned out they had rather ended up in The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe, where they then bumped into a small furry animal from Alpha-Centauri.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which, sadly, didn't happen BECAUSE SISCO WAS EXPLAINED AWAY IN A PUFF OF LOGIC BY BENJAMIN BRATT FOUR POSTS AGO!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

NO YOU CANNOT KILL THE SISCO! YOU CANNOT! YOU CANNOT! YOU CANNOT!


----------



## Wolfshead

And I think you may have a point there. It seems my ever so slightly HHG post was at the same time as your previous one. Otherwise that error would never have come so far. But I think for the flow of the story, we could kinda forget Sisco dissapeared?

Or, here's a better one. Benjamin Bratt and Sandra Bullock adopted Bob as their stable-boy and then took him to a baseball game. There, no problem at all.

EDIT: Let's all stop posting at the same time... or something! I was reffering to Wonks' last post, then HLGStrider comes and posts when I'm typing. No! I'm getting confused...


----------



## HLGStrider

... but because of double overlapping posting Bob's life split into three different existances... one of which went to the moon to go dancing with Ben and Sandra while the other caught a fly ball and was attacked by screaming Mark Macguire fans.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Wonks, Elgee, and Craig all disappeared in a puff of logic, leaving Sandra and Benjamin alone to snog on the steps of the Federal Building.


----------



## Wolfshead

As a result of this, Bob dedicated a long time to finding the location of Wonks, Elgee and Craig after they dissapeared. In the end, he concluded that they were infact in Wales.


----------



## HLGStrider

For which they were arrested and detained and tortured.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But before anything drastic could happen to Wonks, Plate Tectonics Geek again sprang forth from his happy little observatory in tropics to rescue her and whisk her back to paradise.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee went outside and watched the monkeys. Then Inspector Clousou came up and asked "Have you seen a minkee? It had a massage for you."


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At which point Elgee replied "Great!!" And she stripped down, covered herself with a towell, and lay face down on a conviently located massage table.

"Bring it on!" she called.


----------



## HLGStrider

At this Clousou looked confused and walked off into the sunset, mumbling about finding the Phantom.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And a troupe of British neck monkeys skipped over to Elgee and started jumping on her back.


----------



## HLGStrider

It wasn't the best massage she'd ever had but it wasn't the worst, so she decided to stay there instead of go to Bulgaria with Gil-Gilad.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was lucky as Gil-Galad had moved to Austria with Ostrich Girl.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

sadly the truth was it was all a visade!


----------



## Rogue666666

Then Benjamin decided that the phrase, " I think there for I am" was false, and that everybody was in a dream. No worse, that everyone was living in a matrix on a world controlled by supercomputers, and only Bob could get them all out of it. Unfortunately, Bob WAS out of it, lying on the floor after another two liters of 95% scotch.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And when Bob groggily came to he said, in a gorgeous English accent: "It was SO not cocaine!!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee then walked away and picked lotus blossums for the king of Egypt... wondering how Bob had developed a British accent after being born in New Jersey.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Elgee shook the Etch-A-Sketch on which this story was written and realized that it didn't say "BOB" it said "Plate Tectonics Geek" which explained everything.

And then Bob looked at Tar's thought bubble...and wondered if she realized "visade" was not a word, and wondered if she meant "facade".


----------



## HLGStrider

They were attacked by a bunch of dictionaries! Red dictionaries. New dictionaries that recognized the word Gellies...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks said, "Are you sure you didn't mean jelly?"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob attacked Wonks and Elgee for constantly appearing in _his_ story!

Die!

Evil creatures!

The dictionaries got into an arguement about whether one should say have or got.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

hmmm...bob said as he fell into a GE toaster oven


----------



## HLGStrider

He spread himself with butter and waited to brown... He got a very nice tan but was then eaten with cream cheese.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and is whisked way into the cowboy Bebop land


----------



## HLGStrider

He did the twist with Ranger Doug... which was incredibly scary.

Now while they were twisting someone snuck up and pulled out a machine gun while Frank Sinatra tried to sing "My Kind Of Town." He didn't win an Oscar, however, so he left, and everyone hit Big Jim.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and fae said to spike, "you told me when I came here to forget the past, and there you go running back to it! DOn't leave!" and she kissed him


----------



## HLGStrider

Little did she know that Spike was really an evil Talaxion from the Talaxions main city Talaxburg on the Planet Talax. The past he was trying to forget was the mass murder of many innocent Talaxes. Which is actually the plural of Martians.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"no its not," said Mr. webseter from behind the red curtain.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And suddenly everyone morphed into Raidiohead's Karma Police video. You know the, cartoon with the fat Russian man who gets his limbs cut off with a chain saw?

And Bob gazed around in wonderment and said, "Planet Telex is an EXCELLENT Radiohead song off their album The Bends. Mmm...The Bends..." And he lay on the floor to enjoy Radiohead properly, because as everyone knows the best way to listen to Radiohead is while flat on your back and as close to the floor as possible.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was eaten by the EarthWorms from Tremors and transported within their stomachs to Mongolia.


----------



## Celebthôl

(k i dunno if this is right so if it isnt please herl as much abuse at me as you want)

there he met mongolian people who pushed him over


----------



## HLGStrider

into a large hole! He fell down and down and down again and again.


----------



## Celebthôl

he fell so much that eventually he stopped screaming and looked at the light he could see that was fast approching


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then he hit his head on a large Chesterfield and woke up to find that he was in the middle of Lord's Cricket Ground, St. John's Wood, London. He looked into his rabbit skin bag and exclaimed, "This isn't my towell!!"


----------



## Wolfshead

Then, if memory serves, some alien-dude came out of a space ship and asked him some questions. And someone in the crowd died of a heart attack. Oh, yes, the alien wanted to meet everyone in the Universe.

I haven't read it for a long time...


----------



## Celebthôl

...ive never read it, the alien shakes bobs hand and flies off, bob faints


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Actually what happened was a herd of robots landed and stole the memorial ashes of the cricket stump burn to signify the "death of English circket." And the alien landed in the crowd to insult Arthur Philip Deodat. He called him a "no good dumbo-nothing". And then Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, and Slartibartfast escaped in the starship Bistromath. Which, incidentally, was Somebody Elses Problem.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but...Kenshin walked in on the mob and said

*A sword is a weapon, the art of swordsmanship is to kill, what miss kauro says is sweet and inncoent talk from those who've never killed, but to tell you the truth I like miss kauros better and hope one day it becomes the truth for us all*


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then his sword broke into tiny pieces, and the pieces turned into grapes, which sprouted legs and ran away singing "Goodship Lollipop."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he said what the heck was taht for


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And a small green fairy appeared and said, "For this!!" and thwacked him with a novelty sized board far to large for her to wield.


----------



## Rogue666666

Then Bob descided that his story had absolutely no plot or logic or theme or character or substance, and pertained to reality not in the slightest sence.

That's ok though, since it was meant to be a totally ridicoulus story to be carried on for God knows how long. So Bob whent back to Mongolia were he had met the girl of his dreams, only to find the local warlord had given her as a sacrifice to the martians, who had just finished their thanksgiving dinner. Oh well, you win some, you lose some Bob thought.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then his former English teacher chased him into the sea where they were hit by a tsunami of watery tomato sauce.


----------



## Celebthôl

he was washed down the plug hole on the sea floor and yet again he started falling


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was surprising, he thought to himself, as in America plug holes are called drains.


----------



## Celebthôl

he didnt know this although he did coz he thought of it and he blocked up the er hum drain


----------



## Wonko The Sane

With a giant hairball extracted from a Bengal Tiger.


----------



## Celebthôl

which he fell on years before after one of his freaquent falls everywhere


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks fell in love.


----------



## Celebthôl

with who asks Bob? as he unblocks himself


----------



## Wonko The Sane

"With Plate Tectonics Geek," she answered.


----------



## Celebthôl

sounds interesting says Bob as he falls


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Perhaps you know him?" She queried as she fell along side him. "You might now him as Snaga"


----------



## HLGStrider

No more real life or Forum characters...

The Great Lord of the Ridiculous Story hits WONKO WITH A BOARD!


----------



## Rogue666666

My life is getting completely out of hand Bob realizes. I'm always falling everywhere. I'm going to space were I'm never falling, I'm only drifting in a certain direction. So as Bob fell he managed to etain escape velocity and launched himself out of the earths orbit, there he joined Rogue squadron and helped Luke desrtoy the Death Star, only to find out that the Old geezer called the emporer was his father, so he joined the dark side and spent the rest of his exsitence in space gambling with Jaba the Hutt and arguieng with George Lucas.


----------



## HLGStrider

Lucas sentenced him into the void where he played Checkers with Morgoth and then got vaporized for cheating.


----------



## Celebthôl

he then started falling


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And when he looked over he saw ANOTHER Lucas.

This was the Lucas from Empire Records, and he said commandingly, "In the immortal words of The Doors: The time to hesitate is through."


----------



## Celebthôl

but he hesitated anyway and went through to...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

To Coventry.

He went through to Coventry.


----------



## Celebthôl

and he watched as he realised he had to walk all the way back to america where he wanted to go


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But he didn't walk all the way back because he didn't want to go to America because America is pants and England rocks.

And so he stayed in Coventry and went about parks and things early in the morning/late at night and put his head in stocks and things.


----------



## Celebthôl

lol stocks took me ages to get that one, ya no hes not in merry old england!

He realised that england is pantser than he thought no matter what a certain Fox says to he made for America again


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But half way there he realised he didn't have his Green Card so he went back to England where SOMEONE SUPERGLUED HIM TO THE FLOOR OF THE OLD COVENTRY CATHEDRAL AND HE HAD TO STAY THERE FOREVER!


----------



## Celebthôl

but he hated it so much and wondered how the certain Fox knew so much about England?! and turned into the incredible Hulk because he got so enraged and ripped up off the floor, and jumped really high and fell again! but where would he land?


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Right back in Coventry.

Why? The answer is Gravity.

And then he realised that Fox knew so much about England because she had been studying very hard for her emigration entrance exams.


----------



## Celebthôl

well then Thôl had a bright idea he thought hed change the exams so that Fox didnt have live here and get ****ed of the shear pantsness of it!

he fell so far and fast the he fell through the earth and fell into China and he cryed coz he wanted his native america!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

sadly, he was only given the yrch of amercia


----------



## Rogue666666

Bt were their is a will there is a way, so bob willed himself to America, and puff!, there he was, Skieeng on the slopes of Copper Mountain in Colorado. Bob didn't like skieeng, so he stole a snowboard off a kid and enjoyde himself for the rest of the day. He then sang the Star Spangled banner, and "Courtesy of the Red,White,and Blue" which is an awesome song that he heard on the radio. he decided he would NEVER go back to Limey land, aka England, ever again.


----------



## Celebthôl

A-Men said a priest who was behind him


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Bob and the priest got into an arguement over the devine rights of turkeys.


----------



## Celebthôl

because the priest believed the turkey was equal to man, but bob believed in shooting them at point-blank range with a shot-gun
(ill change this if it is too gratuitous (sp))


----------



## HLGStrider

ooc: only turkey rights groups would complain...

IC: Then Bob was mobbed by the Turkey rights group who tarred him. They would've tarred and feathered him but to feather him they would've had to hurt innocent birds. Then someone told them that tar was a natural substance too so they had to scrape it from Bob and put it back in the Tar Pits. Then they covered him in toliet paper, but that comes from trees... finally they gave up and launched Bob from the top of Mt. Etna.


----------



## Celebthôl

LMAO

he fell AGAIN and hit every rock on the way down

(sorry this sux im not good with the jokes like Elgee here)


----------



## HLGStrider

The Nuns picked him up at the bottom and took him to a hospital where they gave him a free fruit cup. Bob loved his fruit cup. He loved the pineapple. He loved the cherry on top. He really loved the grapes.
"Never leave me, fruit cup!" he begged. "I love you more than life itself!"


----------



## Celebthôl

so the fruit cup turned round and said "i'll never leave you bob, eat all the fruit you like"


----------



## HLGStrider

That was why Bob started crying...


----------



## Celebthôl

...tears of utter joy, so he jumped outta bed, but wasnt mended yet so he fell over and broke his back again and spent more time with Mr/Mrs fruit cup


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob loved his fruit cup... but one day it was all gone. You can't have a fruit cup and eat it too.


----------



## Celebthôl

exactly he learned a very big lesson just then so he got up and walked out the door into...


----------



## HLGStrider

the arms of Brunhilda the bearded lady. She had been following Bob for sometime.


----------



## Celebthôl

i dunno who she is said bob so he asked her who she was...


----------



## HLGStrider

"I'm with the CIA, buster," she scowled. "We've been watching you for sometime in connection with the Death of one Buffy the Chicken Vampire Slayer. It seems her tractor trailer crashed outside of Pheonix and you used to own a kennel there."


----------



## Celebthôl

indeed i did it was my humble aboding at one point u tryin to say im a tramp?!
also the whole chicken killing thing was self-defence!


----------



## HLGStrider

"Leave that to the jury," she slung Bob over her shoulder and hauled him into an armored truck filled with angry Buffy fans.


----------



## Celebthôl

there they beat him about the van and no-one could help him not even thae wiered tiger he met


----------



## Ecthelion

The ruckus in the truck was so bad that the truck toppled over and rolled down a cliff they were near. Bob was flung out the back and got caught on a branch. He watched as the truck exploded at the bottom of the cliff. What will he do now?


----------



## HLGStrider

He took some chalk out of his pocket and started playing tictactoe on the cliff's face with a little bird. The little bird told him all sorts of interesting things... like how to suck an egg into a pop bottle.


----------



## Ecthelion

Then the bird got a siezure and died. Then Bob grew wings and started flying when he was hit by a delta airplane.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which wasn't really that tragic since no one missed bob


----------



## Rogue666666

I HATE THIS STORY,, cried Bob. I'm always getting hurt. So he cuaght a concorde to neverneverland, but crashed in Middle-Earth half way there. Finally he journeyed to the house of healing in Rivendell, there Elrond awaited him.

Elrond: Well done my child, you have found your way here, but I'm out of Efelas.

Bob: Fefales?

Elrond:Kings Foil

Bob:No i don't have any foil.

Elrond: EFELAS!!!

Bob:Efelefasefl?

Elrond: Its a weed!

Bob: I stopped smoking that stuff years ago, and if you think your going to hook me on it now, then your wrong! This isn't a house of healing, this is a dope shop!

I'm disgusted elrond.

"Elrond grabs the shards of Narsil"

Bob: HEY!, Back off! What did I do? then Bob trips and falls down, down, down....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

till he reacched the bottom of a bottomless pit...The diets were there

Diet:Bob, since you have died over millions of times we are deciding to leave you in this pit, were tired of ordering new life.

Bob: I didn't expect to die so much!

Diet: and nobody expected the spanish inquisitoiin either!

*crashes as a whole is made in the pit*

Cardinal Fang: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! our chief weapon is suprise, surpise and fear, fear and suprise!

Cardinal 2: *underbreath* you forgot to mention fannatical devotion to pope.

Cardinal 3: *under breath* and...wait...we got it all

Cardinal Fang: Okay, okay fine, lets start this over...


----------



## Rogue666666

Bob decides to take his chance and dash through the hole while the spanish inquisition takes its tole on the diets.

But just seconds after that he trips and falls, falls, falls......


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than he wondered how he could fall in the bottom of a bottomless pit...wait...i'm confused...


----------



## Rogue666666

And so is Bob, but this is a totally ridicoulus story, so bob kept falling.

Finally, Bob realized that if this was INDEED a bottomless pit, that he would never get out again. What to do, what to do...
Bob wondered.


----------



## Wolfshead

He carried on wondering until he hit the bottom. Where he met Margaret Thatcher.


----------



## Celebthôl

"hi she said im the evil primeminister of this hole and ima send my fellow country men on a stupid mission to take over a chumpy island that don't belong to us anyway"!

(there is symbalism here)


----------



## Wolfshead

To which Bob felt he had to correct her. The island did infact belong to the place she was prime-minister of before the people who sounded an awful lot like Bargentians decided they wanted it.

Margaret Thatcher slapped him.


----------



## Celebthôl

LMAO HAHAHAHAHAHA

he turned around and said but you stole it off of the Bargentians first which makes you the badies again!


----------



## HLGStrider

Then a big candy cane hooked down and pulled Bob up into the sky... up up up...
"This is a nice change," thought Bob... Then the cane broke.


----------



## Wolfshead

And then guess what happened? Yes, that's right, he began falling. Down and down and down until, suddenly, he hit the ground again. He was going to talk about an island with Maggie again, but she'd magically dissapeared. He then set about finding a way back up.


----------



## Celebthôl

he used the shards of the broken candy cane to climb back up which took...


----------



## HLGStrider

They were sticky and the bees attacked!!!


----------



## Celebthôl

he couldnt shake the shards of coz they were so sticky so he fell back down and the bees followed


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

And then Winnie the Pooh came and Bob used him as a shield from the attacking bees!!!


----------



## Celebthôl

pooh chuckled *ahehehe* and got stung into a big ball of swolen


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

*Original quote:*

"into a big ball of swolen"

...yarn?


----------



## Celebthôl

he swelled up really bad*


----------



## HLGStrider

He unraveled and was made into a sweater by Jon Arbukle's mother... Garfield scratched him!


----------



## Rogue666666

While alll this was happening Bob was wondering. If all the countries in the world gave back everything they had ever taken, then we'de all have to go back to living in cave's, which bob didn't like, since he didn't like caves, since cave's often have hole's in them, and Bob fell down holes, and..

On and on and on the story goes....


----------



## HLGStrider

Then he was pushed into a cave and kept there prisoner by a rabid wombat named Cecily.


----------



## Celebthôl

Cecily was soooo evil that he tickled bobs toes with a feather whenever bob fell asleep...


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob couldn't take it any more so he attacked her with a squeegie.


----------



## Celebthôl

it took out Cecily's eye and bob escaped but got caught and dragged back by...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Rob. He got dragged back by Rob who was dressed as a fairy.


----------



## Celebthôl

so bob turned round and laughed so much that he weed himself...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Rob, who was quite disgusted, engaged his flying mechanisms, or in layman's terms wings, and flittered off.


----------



## Celebthôl

once bob had started he couldnt stop weeing andsoon the hole he was in was filled up and he climbed out into...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

A bar. A green painted bar with brick flooring and a half-naked dancing girl hanging from the ceiling.


----------



## Celebthôl

he had by now stopped weeing and he looked at the girl tripped up and...

(little note: yay this is my 400th post thx Elgee couldnt ave done it without this thread, oh im so happy for me )


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And he fell right into a pile of shaving cream.

And four furry ewoks jumped him, shaved his head, and forced himHIM to hang half-naked from the rafters of the bar. Apparently this was some sort of punishment.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And he fell right into a pile of shaving cream.

And four furry ewoks jumped him, shaved his head, and forced himHIM to hang half-naked from the rafters of the bar. Apparently this was some sort of punishment.


----------



## Celebthôl

*cough*spammer*cough*

he didnt like it and started crying like a 5 year old girl, Mr Skywalker heard and came charging in light-sabber blazing...


----------



## Rogue666666

Unfortunately Skywalker was stopped by Yoda who gave him a three day lecture on self-control. This left Bob in a very uncomfortable position for three days. Finally Yoda finished and Skywalker raced on...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

To the set of "Whose line is it anyway" where he was a prop for some dirty skit Ryan Stiles was perpetrating with Colin Mochry.


----------



## Rogue666666

This is disgusting Luke thought, so he slashed both of them up and dashed back a diferent direction..


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Towards a car park. Where he slipped into his Mazda and sat there( on the left hand side of course, in front of the stearing wheel!!) so he could waste exorbitant amounts of money on calling a girl who really didn't quite deserve such lavish attentions.


----------



## Rogue666666

Finally skywlaker realized that the focus of the story was on Bob, so he honorably fell on his own lightsaber, and now, BACK to Bob!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Who incidentally ran to the carpark and slipped into HIS Mazda, again on the left side, and spent far too much money phoning a girl who didn't quite deserve it.


----------



## Rogue666666

Then bob noticed that in the Mazda next to him there were Luke skywalker guts everywhere, this dusgusted him so he decided to take a drive, which is just what he did.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Interestingly enough he found himself driving to the airport, presenting tickets he didn't know he had, and boarding a flight to America.


----------



## Rogue666666

Ubnfotunately, ( that word appears a lot in this story) the plane was shot down by an Iraqi missle that the US didn't know THEY had, and Bob began to fall, fall , fall, down, down, down...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Luckily he landed more or less exactly where he was headed.

Which was to Washington state.


----------



## Rogue666666

In Phoenix of course!  There he met up with Wonko the Sane, decided that he'd rather spend his time somewhere were there were much more interesting people and took a flight to Taiwan, there he met up with Rogue. The became great friends,and it was the best time bob's had in this whole pathetic stroy.


----------



## HLGStrider

But then he fell... but he fell up! Then he hit the moon, bounced off the planet Vulcan, and danced with Orion.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was strange because a) Wonks lives not in Phoenix, b) the planet vulcan does not exist, and c) Orion is quite decidedly straight.


----------



## Celebthôl

yes but in reality bob would not exist!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Bob hitched a lift on the next passing Arcturan Mega-Freighter and ended up somewhere in the star system surrounding Kakrafoon.


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

After landing in the star system, some local Kakrafoonians swung by and gave him a lift. Then they whipped out the probe...

Needless to say, Bob had heard about these and jumped out of the Kakrafoonian ship only to land in a tub of alien waste. Except this waste tasted like strawberries...


----------



## Rogue666666

Bob decided he was starving, besides, how could he possibly know it was Kakrafoonian wste he was about to eat? 

Yum bob said as he finished his meal. Then he happened to glance at his reflection on the cargo holders wall. AAAAAAAAAHHHH! I've turned into a half Kakrafoonian!


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

Bob stared in amazement and terror at his purple furry skin and long yellow hair down to his waist. Bob realized that he was not only turning into a half Kakrafoonian, but a female one as well!!!


----------



## Celebthôl

well he realised this did have its upsides *grins*


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And so he locked himself inside a Kakrafoonian bedroom for a while, as any male suddenly turned female would do, and he didn't come out for approximately....


----------



## Celebthôl

9 billion years! After which...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Remarked surprisingly on the fact that Kakrafoonians seem to reproduce a-sexually and he now had close to 4million offspring.

All of which were green, and bore the name "Zem"...


----------



## Celebthôl

which was very annoying because when he wanted only one of them they all came


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And when he tried to get one to do something and he didn't do it Bob had no way of knowing which one to punish.


----------



## Celebthôl

so he had one hell of a big mussely (sp) arm from all that spanking


----------



## Wonko The Sane

*muscly

And the Zems didn't get taught the lesson nearly well enough seeing as since Bob had so many bottoms to spank nobody really got too many.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Lord Caravon's dog started to HOWL!

And the Zems attacked. Only the MIB could save him now.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But they didn't cos the MIB are pants.


----------



## Celebthôl

so in came James bond and ran um down in his car gizmo thingy...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But James Bond had had one too many shaken Martinis (not stirred!) and he crashed his car gizmo thing into Legoman.


----------



## Celebthôl

Legoman screamed and James just laughed cos he was so wasted...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then James blew up.

Nobody knows why.


----------



## Celebthôl

So then legoman got started on by the Zems


----------



## Wonko The Sane

They ate him.

Which didn't work out because they're methane breathers and Legoman is made of mostly water and the water reacted with the methane and made the Zems cry.


----------



## Celebthôl

this made them mad and turend them into super Zens *gulp*...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the ZeMs grew to be 4 feet tall!

Which was huge for them as, fully grown, they were only about 17 inches.


----------



## Rogue666666

Then a crazy scientist from way back in the story blew up all the zens into radioactive sludge.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And all the Ze*m*s looked at the scientist weird and wondered where the zens came from.


----------



## Rogue666666

The scientist hated every single living creature that had a name staring with Z, and W, and H, And, And, everyone letter for that matter. So he ordered orbiting weapon platforms to luach Chemonuclear missles to wipe himself and all the Zems off the face of the solar system. Thankfully Bob wasn't there at the time and was dining with Uklegorians on the other side's of the universe.


----------



## Celebthôl

he was showing them the joy of the local chippy


----------



## Rogue666666

Unfotunately bob didnt know what the word 
"Chippy" meant, so he went along on his journey through the Universe until he came across a whole, a very large whole. As Bob tried to go around he realized he had had one to many drinks with the Uklegorians. He stumbled, and well, you can guess what happened next.


----------



## Celebthôl

He fell again and then he realised that the word chippy means...
"chip shop" or as amricans/canadians would call it "french fry shop" or something to that nature.


----------



## Rogue666666

Lovely! he exclaimed. " I love chips, or fries or whatever their called." 

Bob the realized that he was hanging in the middle of nowhere, and that there was nothing here. 

"Hmm, strange." bob thought. 

"Were is everybody?"


----------



## Celebthôl

they are looking for you said a deep voice from outta knowhere...


----------



## Rogue666666

"Hmmm, thought Bob. A deep voice from nowhwer outa nowhere, this person must be from nowhere!"

Hello person from nowhere! Bob shouts.

From were in nowhere do you come?

Then bob remembered the matrix movie he saw last week. Hmm, this seems familiar. 

OOC: YIIPPEEEE!, this is my 100rth post


----------



## Celebthôl

I saw the matrix but i dont remeber a big voice outta knowhere thought a passing stranger who will not be metioned of unless sumone needs him to ask what is going on in the story (if u could understand that)!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

or so they thought!


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

And then, a giant boot came out of nowhere and kicked Bob halfway across the universe until he landed on top of the Eiffel Tower in France on a planet called Earth. He realized he was in the year 2002 and he was a human again!

OOC: WOO HOO I GOT MY HOME COUNTRY IN THIS THREAD ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

All the French were wearing berrets, smoking cigirettes, and speaking with Clousou accents... Do you see that minkey? I will not stop until the case is Solve-ed!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then they got shot for speaking with Clousou accents cos Clousou accents are naff.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

or so they said but really it was even hip in italy!


----------



## Celebthôl

but we are in france and the British don't like it!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the British are always right...

Except with their immigration laws. Which Bob spat at and threw out to sea.


----------



## Rogue666666

But because Bob spat out the British immigration laws he was doomed to live in France and never go to England. In France, he slowly began to starve because he coudn't figure out how to chew their bread, it was so repulsive.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than he decided to visit the Tai-chi house in Taiwan and talk to master Gohemdamea


----------



## HLGStrider

But master G tai-paied him and not nearly minimum wage either... GET IT? TAI-PAYED?


----------



## Celebthôl

errr i dont though im sure i should (im a bit dumb :'( )
so bob was sader and worked 24/7 for next to nuthing


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

and then Bob died...

but behold! Due to Bobs prior experience with the Kafrokoonians, his DNA was mutated to reproduce one last time at death.

Thus, Bobette was created and buried Bob's body and moved to Africa and became Queen of Gh'oaska.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Until such time as a sea monster regurgitated Britain's immgiration laws in quite a cohesive way which was completely conducive to harmless American girls moving to Britain.

And as Bobette was now a harmless American girl who just happened to be Queen Gh'oaska she was allowed to move to England.

YAY! Finally!


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

But unfortunately, Bobette got ensnared within the British CIA. She learnd that the Brits were planning a nuclear attack on France!!! Knowing that France was superior to GB in all ways (espec. immigration laws), she escaped GB and told the French government what she had learned. 

So... France nuked the island of GB, after burning its immigration laws, of course.  

Thus Bobette became La Reine de la France.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which quite angered a great deal sexily-accented Brits and they killed all the French people. The End.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

such a shame too a great tale


----------



## HLGStrider

But no... it could never end... It went on... like a timewarp when Voyager was struck by a beam and Checotay had to go back and fix things... Why Checotay? Why the weird, second in command guy with the stupid tatoo and a voice like Mr. Rogers? Why not Tuvok? Or Harry? Harry never gets spotlighted. The Dr. would make things interesting... Tom would if you could trust him... Don't get me wrong. I love Tom, I had a short crush on Tom, but he is too much fun to put into something that serious and weird...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

we thought it was over...I loved him and he left me for a one night stand with CONRAD BIRDIE!!!


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

So confused....


----------



## Ecthelion

Me too........


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Of course you're confused! You're supposed to be confused! What other way is there to be besides confused?!?!" Bob shouted, having no idea what he was saying and hopping on one foot.


----------



## HLGStrider

Truthfully the whole world was confused. It was nothing but confusion. Then the Death Star slowly floated onto the screen. Bob gaped. He had forgotten that he'd agreed to go see Star Wars with Zelda that night. Quickly he knocked down Comrade Birdie and ran out of the room.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Ay me" cried bob and sank into the awaiting arms of Leonardo Dicaprio


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Leonardo DiCaprio fainted and they all fell down.

Just like London Bridge.

Which incidentally isn't in London.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Tell me the truth!" screamed the disgruntled scottish-italian lawyer in a divorce case, "DO YOU HATE LEO DICAPRIO!DO YOU!"


----------



## HLGStrider

"Personally," squeeks a mild mannered man. "I don't particularly like Winnona Ryder..." 

Adam Sandler then picked the mild man up and threw him into the middle of a foot ball arena. 

The little, mild man then beat up OJ Simpson.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and the summer days were slippin away! Bah-ba-bob!


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

And then Winona Ryder was eaten by a giant slug, which incidentally came from Bob's uterine lining.

"Aye me!" Bob cried. "Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinona!!!!"

And then Bob married Whitney Houston


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than fabio said..this has to do with gresae you


----------



## HLGStrider

Then John Travolta boogied into the room followed by a conga line of penguins... Boogie Boogie Boog-ie... boogie boogie boog-ie...

And the Chamber of Secrets fell ontop of them all when Bob risked the wrath of all Harry Potterites by yelling out "JK ROWLING CAN'T WRITE!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then JK Rowling appeared dressed as Madonna and started singing "Like a Virgin"


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bob was plummeled by the Potterites and pottered by the Plmmelites. 
The Plummelites then proceded to puncture his picture of a penguin in a pullover.


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

HAHAHAHA!!!

Im still picturing JK Rawling dressed as Madonna singing Like a Virgin. That is GREAT!

Anyways...

and then Bob realized he was in Dimension X, and saw a pack of Gushers floating around. He ate one and his head turned into a watermelon.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then Bob realized he had made a fatal error by underestimating the power of Dimension X. Anything could, and would, happen. Suddenly he saw Beanie being chased by a ravenous moon monster from the moons of Qualatair, and Seasel chasing the moon monster, saying "I'm coming Beanie boy, I'm coming!" And Bob groaned, "My childhood is coming back to haunt me! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

till time stopped and bob stepped out of himself and was escorted to the diets meeting hall. He stood in front of the diets they said to him,

"Bob, you've managed to stay alive for 3 pages! For that we reward you with turning into any person you want to...and living as that person."

"WOW! You know, i've always wanted to be Peter Pan and live in neverneverland and FLY!Can I do that...okay...Please!"

"It is done."

and bob was changed into peter pan...


----------



## HLGStrider

It wasn't all he'd hoped it to be. Captain Hook had retired and now was a pool shark at the local pub where Smee was polishing glasses. The Crocadile had got a job as a metronome with the Boston Philharmonic, Tinker Bell had ran off with the Keebler Elf, and Wendy was making eyes at ALL of the Lost Boys.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then all the lost boys jumped up and down at the same time and screamed TWO DAYS!!! TWO DAYS!!!!!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Bob/Peter said "I am Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the nine fingered man screamed "IT'S INIGO YOU DOLT!!! DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR OWN NAME?!?!" And he thwacked him and then stood on his head and said, "TWO DAYS!!! TWO DAYS!!! OH JOY!! OH RAPTURE!! WHATEVER SHALL I WEAR?!?!?!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than a gorgeos woman peered over a balcony, 
"Romeo, O romeo, O where in the hell is my romeo! Deny his latness at picking me up for dates, i'm dumping him, i've heard he's vain!"


----------



## HLGStrider

So Malvolio and Tybalt went into business together but eventually their cutlery shop failed because nobody, not even my Shakespeare teacher, knew what the prince of cats meant... Did it mean he was crafty? Did it mean he liked to toy with his prey? Did it refer to that character in the original lay of Luthien? What did it mean?


----------



## Wolfshead

Bob, not knowing who Malvolio and Tybalt were, having never been forced to read Romeo & Juliet, ran away from all lifes problems.

He eventually found himself on the top of a double decker bus in the rain, in the middle of Wolverhampton. He was wearing a kilt and holding a pink umbrella, asking people if they could tell him how to get to Islington.

People pretended to ignore him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Till he ran into Marius who told him an inspiring speech:

_My brother, come join me in our fight for democracy! You should see the injustices the laborers in the third estate are forced to suffer! No food! No money! something must be done. And my brother you and me are the ones to show the world the French Son's of Liberty, Will not back down. Our daughters of liberty are outstandingly loyal and will not back down. Let us show to these tyrants France WILL be free!_


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

Except France was already free, and was the greatest superpower in the world. 

So, Bob decided to leave the Earth once again, via Le Francinator 3000, because in his heart he didnt really like the French since they were superior to him in every way.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"and the only problem was half of your first statement was true," said a world war two historian


----------



## Wolfshead

And as Bob was walking down the streets of Marseille, talking with Le Papet and Ugolin Soubeyran, he accidentally fell into a man hole. This hole turned out to be a time portal!

When Bob awoke he was in the first decade of the 19th century, just as the British Army was tearing apart the Napoleonic Empire


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

Hey now!

What happened to the Francinator 3000 that Bob left Earth on??????


----------



## HLGStrider

So he went back to sleep and woke up in ancient Greece just as Ageus was jumping off a cliff because his idiot son forgot to take down the black sail and put up the white sail. He then was eaten by the minituar because the idiot son also forgot to finish the job or close the door to the laberynth behind him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he decided to dump this whole labyrinth idea and got himself in a portal to middle earth


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Oooo," said Bob, "I like this place." And Bob began to stroll around the grove of trees and breathe in the fresh air. But just then a troop of orcs burst out of the bushes and pointed their ugly little sword thingies at him.

"I knew I should've taken that Tae-Kwan-Do(sp?) class in third grade!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc: yes you spelled it right!

than Legolas and Aragorn and Gimli came out and defended bob believing he was frodo.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob got out his Pom-poms and cheered them on... all from inside the Minituar's stomach. Finally the Minituar got sick of this and swallowed the Fellowship. Once Aragorn had joined Bob down in the depths of the half man half bull he noticed something.
"Hey! You aren't Frodo. You aren't even a Hobbit!" Aragorn and Legolas beat up on Bob while Gimli played Chess with a stomach flu who happened to be in there.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Gimli roared in anger as the stomach flu beat him, he threw the chess board at Bob. Then the beating was silenced by the singing of Carlotta. The five (including stomach flu) watched her preform "faust", than after a certain line, the songstress made an excruciating _co-ack_


----------



## HLGStrider

The chess pieces rose up and attacked Carlotta... beautiful Carlotta, Tragic Carlotta... the girl who jumped off the church tower in Vertigo was named Carlotta. Then her ancestor did the same thing... or did she? 

CAN JAMES STEWART SOLVE THE MYSTERY IN TIME? Why doesn't he just marry the pretty blonde with glasses?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Because he loved me!" screamed arwen, and she pouted off


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Romeo proposed to Arwen and when she refused because she was still waiting for her true love he bought her a pair of silk pajamas... which won her heart and Aragorn had to marry Juliet who was 13 and everyone knows that Aragorn was almost 90... so it didn't last long.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so out of pure jealousy Arwen married romeo!


----------



## HLGStrider

Romeo jumped off a bridge just to give things a tragic flavor, but he landed on Bob who was punting on the Thames.


----------



## Rogue666666

But the thames had been turned to radioactive sludge due to French nuclear missles, which they only had four of. finally Bob realized that everything wrong with the world was because of the french. There stupid French bread, there stupid French films, and there stupid radio tower that they forgot to pull down and made into a tourist trap. Why does the world tolerate the insolate and selfish French? Who knows. But Bob decided to do something about it, so he met up with God and pointed out his mistake in creating the French, so God reloacated everyone on earth except the french to another more buetiful planet. Then he caused the earths core to detonate, completely destroying all the French people in a massive inferno. ( No offense to the French intended  )


----------



## HLGStrider

Gosh... it would've been a lot better if the new planet didn't have a Helium atmosphere... now everybody had squeeky voices...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since life is a dream half of the people died from laughing at eachother


----------



## Rogue666666

Life is not a dream, Bob screamed!, and then he woke up.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Where are my slippers!?!" he screamed


----------



## HLGStrider

They were having a pool party with his socks in the fish tank. He reached in to get them and a sucker fish locked on to his pinky finger.... OUCH....

That's gonna hurt.

The fish smiled at him and then did "crazy eyes."


----------



## Rogue666666

thankfully the fish was a sucker, so that when bob offered it some fish food it let go, Bob , then pouring the fish food into the tank looked over at the vial and realized he had just wasted the last of his table salt. So he set off to find some more table salt.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Saddam walked in from the pool, drunk, and with two grandmothers hanging on him, they proceeded to a closet. Bob grimaced at the thought


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Saddam walked in from the pool, drunk, and with two grandmothers hanging on him, they proceeded to a closet. Bob grimaced at the thought


----------



## HLGStrider

That's when the house exploded and the table salt landed on an innocent family of slugs... IT WAS TERRIBLE!


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Help me! Help me! What a world," moaned the Wicked slug of the West as it melted. "How could an innocent grain of salt like you destroy my beautiful slugginess?! What a world..." And the Cowardly Lion laughed until he cried at the drunk people gallavanting around the dance floor.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was arrested for Slug murder and hauled off to slugcourt in the slug mobile.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he met al capone and became good friends with him.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which was just down right weird... the judges of the ridiculous story got to gether and decided to have a conference on what constitutes weird and what constitutes ridiculous. They were all wearing goggly eye glasses, which, of course, is just strange.


----------



## Wolfshead

And in the middle of their meeting, they all stood up, pulled rabbits out of hats and sung _We Wish You A Merry Christmas_ sounding rather like Shane McGowan. Then they realised how foolish they looked, sat down, and put their spotted waistcoats back on and began discussing the weather. Due to them completley forgetting what they should have been discussing in the first place.

One guy then stood up, "Take us into warp, Mr Crusher", thinking he was on Star Trek but then he realised he was no longer captain of the Enterprise, but reduced to appearing in remakes of _A Christmas Carol_ and _Animal Farm_.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Wesley had only appeared in Nemesis for like five seconds anyway... So what are we going to do about that? He was kind of cute... not nearly as cute as the guy Elgee has a crush on, but cute... 

Anyway, The judges all ate Chocolate oranges...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

OR DID THEY!

than a meek voice said, "Well actually we don't know if this story actuall happned soo ja."


----------



## HLGStrider

"OF COURSE IT HAPPENED!" wept Bob. "Would I lie? Would Amy Grant lie? Would George C. Scott lie? Would Jean-Luc lie? Would the Salvation army give poisionous socks to innocent children?"

The FDA launched an investigation on the Salvation army and arrested Amy, George, and Jean-Luc.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

NEways! all the world says as those groups were locked up amoung several anglican homophobes


----------



## HLGStrider

And Grant put on a free concert with free milk and cookies.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and the kitties came in force as the broke down the doors of isengard


----------



## HLGStrider

Sauruman flung a bunch of palantirs at them to try and get them to go away, so they went and played bowling with them, after drilling holes in the top. This gave Sauron a headache and made him grumpy.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than when all seemed lost Eglee, the freaky cat lady came,and sent her kitties in the right direction.


----------



## Wolfshead

The kittens promptly went walking off in the right direction before getting run over. The kittens no longer purred or left hair lying all over the house, they had moved on in their careers, a step up to roadkill.


----------



## HLGStrider

They returned as ghosts and haunted Craig Smith for being inately evil... the followed him around making cat calls.


----------



## Celebthôl

and this annoyed Craig Smith (what happened to Bob)? so Craig never got any sleep!


----------



## HLGStrider

But Bob, who had always liked cats, slept incredibly well, and when he woke up he found that two hundred years had passed and earth had been taken over by Libertarian Plutonians from Pluto... as opposed to the Socialist Plutonians from Mars.


----------



## Celebthôl

LMAO

and he got kidnapped (although he was far from a kid) and mde into a slave...


----------



## HLGStrider

But Abraham Lincoln wrote out the Emancipation Proclamation which was fine with the libertarians... however, then he let them pass the amendment which allowed for income tax, and they got mad. They attacked with squeegies.


----------



## Celebthôl

this would have worked but Bob had a 2 by 4 so he chased them away and was very smug as somthing for once was going his way!...


----------



## HLGStrider

That was was when a booming voice yelled down "PRIDE COMETH BEFORE THE FALL"

And of course Bob fell...


----------



## Celebthôl

LMAO

wow a real change for once he thought  
he fell so much again  that he fell asleep...


----------



## HLGStrider

He stretched out in his bed, but didn't notice the fin shaped bump slowly gliding around him under the covers. The jaws music made him look up just before the firemen rushed in and found him with a large, tiger shark. They assumed it was his wife and left.


----------



## Celebthôl

it ate him whole, and it turned out that Jona (sp) was eaten by a shark not a whale!

(c-mon Elgee lets take it to 1000 posts tonight)!


----------



## HLGStrider

Ok...

Bob was depressed by this and started doing cave are on the beast's insides. He drew a world famous picture and all the other people who had been swallowed, especially Jonah thought it was great... 

everybody besides Captain Ahab, who was jealous.


----------



## Celebthôl

so jonah traded him his soul for the painting, which to this Bob said...


----------



## HLGStrider

"YOU WILL BURN! BURN FOREVER IN HADES! TORTURED BY INDISCRIMINATING HARPIES! HARPIES AND HYPOGRIFS!"


----------



## Celebthôl

on hearing this Jonah ran away and cryed his little heart out and everyone tryed to kick Bob out but they naturaly couldn't coz well they couldn't! so they were all stuck with him being...


----------



## HLGStrider

the leader of the band... In fact, he was the music man. Which is why Shirley Jones was suspicious. She hit him with a pumpkin pie and left over cranberry sauce.


----------



## Celebthôl

LMAO

that is why he stunk for a year and a day! and that is also why he had no friends! except his sock puppet named socky! they had many an adventure involving...


----------



## HLGStrider

chickens. In fact they learned that the whole universe revolves around the great egg which will one day hatch and the resulting chicken will gobble up the stars like cracked corn.

Jimmie Crack Corn and I could care, but have decided to be apathetic.
You?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" screamed the enflamed diets. They called bob to their meeting place.

"Bob," said a low voice, "you are a disgrace...you either die or fall asleep...henceforth you are exiled to the coldest, and darkest recess' of space to earn a living pumping gas for dirty alien men who harass themselves with finger torchlights....GO!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob started to cry..

"Not now... please not now! I'm so close! So close to achieving my goal! My purpose in life!"


----------



## Celebthôl

YAY!!! we did it woohoo!!!  
anyway

"What is that purpose"? said the voice, "To make 1000 posts on Elgee's continuous (sp) story thing! well its done so off i go to pumpgas for dirty alien men who harass themselves with finger torchlights"!!!

YAY!!! WE DID IT!!!


----------



## Rogue666666

BUT NO! Bob hated pumping gas, so he convinced the deits to let him work at a seven-eleven. He was so proud, especially because of how close this one was to the orginal seven-eleven. Number 345,678,900 out of 8,273,649,203,847 . Unfortunately his was located on Venus, and all the Venusians complained about all the immigrants working at there seven-eleves, and how they coudnt even buy a soft drink without a translator.


----------



## HLGStrider

This, of course, was a legitament concern, so Bob invested twenty bucks in a Star Trek style universal transalator.

Unfortunately it went haywire and every time he tried to count out the Venetian Women's change they slapped him... he wasn't sure why....


----------



## Rogue666666

SO Bob, decided that this whole seven-eleven thing wasn't for him. Unfortunately, every time he tried to walk out the door he smacked into an invisible wall.

"Well", thought Bob, " I'll just have to dig my way out."

Calculating the radius of the planet, and using his superb mathmatic skills, he estimated that he could reach the planet core using straws in approxamtely 35 million years.

Unfortunately for Bob, his calculation was off by a couple trillion digits.

ooc: Is this thread ever going to end?


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And suddenly they were all run over by a lorry.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Weird Al cut off his remaining arms and legs with a chainsaw yelling "NO IT WILL NEVER END! YOU WILL BE STUCK IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE FOREVER UNTI HOSHI DEMATERIALIZES!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then someone was like, "You are SOOO wrong. AND I don't like your nose."


----------



## HLGStrider

NOT WRONG! NEVER WRONG! Bob starts to cry and goes on tour with Weird Al.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And he became so self conscious that he got a nose job.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and joined all the harrison fords getting facelifts, and after was coffe and dounuts!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At the revolving restaurant at the top of the highest volcano in the world.

Which is...


----------



## HLGStrider

not there anymore because when Bob was eating he accidentally pushed a button which he thought would summon the waiter and it blew the whole place sky high... except for Bob who sat there with his tea cup waiting for the sugar.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then the volcano erupted.


----------



## Rogue666666

And so Bob, the Great, bob, the Splendid, Bob the Magnifecent, Bob, The Wonderful, Bob, The Majestic, Bob, the powerfull, and Bob, the Nine fingered, and.... O wait, wrong story. So they praised him with great praise, and the King screamed, Praise them with Great Praise! And a minstrel was called for and, singing for 8 hours, fronm afternoon to sunset, and finishing with, " PRAISE THEM WITH GREAT PRAISE! By then Frod, o, I mean Bob, realized that he was on the verge of Plagarism, so he stopped and took stock of his life. 

Later that evening him, and the other four hobbits sat down and talked long into the night, with Legolas and Gimli joining them later. Ahh, am glad your here with me at the end of all things, said Bob. Or... Wait, I was suposed to say that earlier in the story wasnt I? 

Whatever!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Actually bob, due to y our enourmous pladurism...your being imprisoned." Legolas said,"you better come with us>' and bob was led to an ice cream parlour, "the ice scream man has tortures prepared" gimli said.


----------



## Rogue666666

NO! NO! Bob screamed, but it was to late. NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo!!!! His voice faded as the ice cream man drug him away to the torture chambers.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Bob woke into an excruciating pain that was quite surprisingly coming from his left groin.
Confused of everything around him bob acted purely on his survival instinct and grabbed the nearest thing that he could find and began swinging it like a maniac around him. 30 seconds later Gimli, Legolas, three hobbits, a mad ice cream vender and a small german shepard that had absolutely no purpose in this story what-so-ever where lying unconsious on the secret layers floor.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than merry and pippin said to bob, "Want some lembas? Just dont eat too much...bad gas"


----------



## Ecthelion

Bob decided to try some, and he loved it. He had more and more and more. And soon he ripped a huge f a r t and went flying into the sky.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:we never stray to far from that smeelly topic do we

then gandalf put bob on a tree and said...


----------



## Rogue666666

Now maybe if you stay up there long enough you can get some sence in that brain of yours. Once you've told were all the palantir have gone and how to get to the land of the undying I'll let you down!

Unfortunately, Bob had no idea were all the Palantir were, or even WHAT the undying lands were so he sat, and he sat and he sat, and he sat, and he,..... 

fell.

Yep, what a surprise.


----------



## HLGStrider

DOGS! THE DOGS ARE COMING! BEWARE OF THE DOGS! DOGS AND SPAM ARTISTS!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

*And as Wonks spits on the screen thinking Elgee wrote sperm artists and then spits again noticing Ecthelion's phallic avatar she writes*

And then they all got sent to the hoosegow in a paddywagon for thinking horribly dirty thoughts.


----------



## Rogue666666

Then bob realized that his entire existence was a mistake.


----------



## HLGStrider

Not wanting to prolong things he took up kickboxing and bungee jumping... He then joined a trapeez group and became famous for his belly flop.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Brak appeared to shower the group with peanuts.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Then, out of no where. Called by the master peanut, there came THE OLIFAUNT!!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the Oliphaunt said, "Hey! Look! We're on page 69!" and he giggled and said, "That's so dirty."


----------



## Ol'gaffer

To which sam replied "no one at home's gonna believe us"

to which Gollum replied "yesssss. Preciousss,kinnnnkyy it issss."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than gollum said to sam: "you'd never believe what masters falling for, would you precious! She is a gigantic spider!" Sam enraged said,"Aye gollum, I knew you were trixy!" than gollum started to walk around in a circle, chased by sam and saying, "precios, precious the master of the precious. Precious preciou the master of the precious"


----------



## Ecthelion

Then, Bob jumped up out of his bed sweating buckets. He wiped his face and smiled, thinking it was all a dream. Then as he went into the breajfeast room. He plunged into a giant hole and fell for hours upon hours upon hours..........


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And when he landed he landed in the lap of a smiling orc.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:wonks that is very nasty

than the orc tried to embrace bob but he ran away for miles until he hit helms deep.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the orc chased him...

Only to be exploded when Helm's Deep was breeched.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

little did that orc realise that he was the orcs olympic torch runner, and he was the one who blew up the walls.
he thought that torch was so harmless


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he fell into the awaiting arms of Haldir... and when the battle was nigh, and aragorn screamed to Legolas, "Shoot him down!" the deeping wall was lost not because of the eagerness and hatred of the uruk hai, but because legolas needed clarification on who to shoot down, theodon or the orc. The dialouge went kind of like this,

Aragorn:Shoot him down!
Legolas:Who?! Theodon?
Aragorn: NO! you nancing elf the...*boom*
Legolas: Opps? I guess i wasnt quick enough


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Legolas swooned because he saw a vision of loveliness:

Haldir the Very Gay Elf.


----------



## Rogue666666

Bob, sat there disgusted, thinking about the possibility of Legolas bieng gay.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than both wonko and rouge66666 were flogged for even questioning legolas' masculinity


----------



## HLGStrider

Which is why the Hungry Cows attacked. nd the aliens were sapping earth's power using electric blankets and mind control toothpaste.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Mind control toothpaste!?!? LOL!

And then Wonks took it back because Legolas is NOT gay.

But Haldir the Very Gay Elf...is VERY VERY gay.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but "No Borormir does this right, Boromir does this right....but Never faramir a good job!" said faramir


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Haldir the Very Gay Elf nanced right up to that Faramir and gave him a very flamboyant kiss on the lips.

At which point Faramir went off and married a woman to get the prancing elf off his case.

That woman was...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Eowyn!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And not a man named Steve as previously suspected.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

or was it.....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

it was not haldir as well


----------



## HLGStrider

Obviously as it had been suspected and there was doubt no one knew for sure because when there is doubt you can't know for sure, but things were hazy... or so hazy. Not as hazy as they were nebulous but not as nebulous as they were redundant. It was a useless, repetitive redundency...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Fine, I'll tell!" Bob said, "Its me! I'm Faramir's love...or is that haldir.."


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then HobbitGirl raised one eyebrow and traveled by a giant nylon slingshot to that one place where you can change your name. She changed her last name to Barshnozulutz because she was sick of having the most boring last name on the planet or in any of the alternate dimensions.


----------



## HLGStrider

and she was destroyed by a bolt of lightening but got to come back as a beatiful butterfly who spent her time fluttering in one of Haldir's ears and out the other.


----------



## HobbitGirl

"This sucks," HobbitGirl muttered to herself. "Haldir is so gay I can't stand it. It makes me want to change my name back to Smith."

And then she turned into a rock.


----------



## Rogue666666

BOb, realizing that the story had strayed from its main character screamed for attention, but then he fell down.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and down!


----------



## HLGStrider

The rock that was now a Smith named Hobbit Girl was stuck in the middle of Haldir's brain... that was odd... Bob had to opperate to get her out of their because HG was crying and weeping and pleading to escape. Bob took a crash course in brain surgery.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Finally Bob got HG out of Haldir and she thanked Bob heartily. Suddenly HobbitGirl was ravenously hungry so she decided to become a partridge-eating rock. She snagged a partridge out of the air and devoured it, then swelled to the size of a boulder and tumbled down the hill.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Blues Brothers sang... ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' WATCH HOBBIT GIRL A ROLLIN' KEEP HOBBIT GIRL A ROLLIN' RAWHIDE!

Bob danced in sunglasses.


----------



## Rogue666666

This is absolutley ridiculuos thougth Bob.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than he ran into the ultimate korean boyfriend who was totally obsessed with this girl...


----------



## Ol'gaffer

"what girl?" bob asked,
"This broad called Arwen" the korean guy said
"though luck, she's taken" Bob said.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than the ultimate Korean boyfriend punched bob, the girl came in and said,"hahahahahaha!"


----------



## Rogue666666

Jeez, this story is REALLY degrading, thought Bob. Maybe I should spice it up a bit. So he joined a jazz band, toured the Universe, and then he signed a contract with Bon Jovi.


"It's my life!, Now or never!, I ain't gonna live for ever!"

Finally, after Bob made millions at his music career, he decided to sign on as an extra in Hollywood. He helped in 
'Bar Wars: Attack of the Phones' and other such classic blockbuster titles. Then he signed on a contract with 
Farminator 3. There he co-stared as an extra with Barnold Wartzasnigher. His famous and only line in the movie, "Uhmphh", spoken as he bumped into Barnold in scene two made him an instant classic in hollywood history.


----------



## HLGStrider

Oh yes, Bob was on the top of his game and made employee of the month at his studios. They had a party in his honor with the tango dancing camels and a stack of subsandwitches... with chocolate sauce! Bob's favorite.


----------



## Rogue666666

Finally, coming to the conclusion that his popularity would make him president, Bob went into politics. In fact, he was even elected to president, of The United Arab emirates.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But the ultimate korean Boyfriend was angry! And sabotaged every singel business venture of bob


----------



## Ol'gaffer

But bob was no fool. Everynight after his succes had taken air, he had turned on the "Angry Korean" detector machine and he knew all of the korean guys plans.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than he noticed that the ultimate korean bf couldn't reveal his plans cause he had magical plan unrevealr potion


----------



## Rogue666666

But Bob didn't care. He had so much money as the President of the U.A.E that he just laughed, bought a couple hundred chemonuclear weapons and wasted North Koreans everywhere. Then he hired a mercanary army to capture and torture all the South Koreans.

Finally, he got on with his life.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Tar got slightly angry since her utlimate BF was tortured that she sent a message from mordor, a nuke.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

But for humanitarian reasons he strapped it with a fruit basket on the side.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then the Ultimate Korean Boyfriend Part II appeared to sing, "Pretty in Pink".


----------



## HLGStrider

Who let the dogs out?
IT WAS PETER PIPER!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"huh! Say how did i get left out?" yelled Bob, but due to the evil pretty in pink song, and stevo, Mr. Political singing "I feel Pretty" in a purple, frilly dress. No one herd him


----------



## Ol'gaffer

there was only one thing to do. Bob went around and gathered all the b-pop stars he new and began a sing along to defeat the evil korean boyfriend for ever.


----------



## HLGStrider

It didn't work... but they did get a record contract after a night on American Idol.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then the Dark Queen beat the Ol' Gaffer for calling her Korean Boyfriend evil.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob and the mysterious lady entered the dark tavern. Bob sat down for a pint but soon noticed he was being watched by a shadowy figure in the corner, smoking his pipe with muddy boots on the table, he called to the inn keeper.
"Who is that masked man?" he inquired.
"He is one of those Men in black," Butterbur replied. "What his right name is I've never heard, but around here we call him the Dread Pirate Roberts..."
Later that night Bob slipped on a bannana peel and ended up in that corner.
"I'd like to talk with you about something that concerns me and my friends," Roberts frowned.
"What?" stammered Bob, wondering where his lady friend had gone.
"Iocaine powder..."
Just then Luke Skywalker burst in and asked to check Roberts to see if he had seven fingers and twenty fingernails. When it turned out that he did, Luke burst out with.
"I AM LUKE SKYWALKER! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!"
"But Luke," stammered Roberts. "It is I! Your father, Aragorn." 
Then the mysterious female flung herself onto Wesley's lap...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but alas for Bob, the mix of galaxies made his head spin he said, "wait! wasn't darth vader your father?" than people shushed Bob and siad, "Silly mortal, the movie for that hasnt been filmed!"


----------



## HLGStrider

The mysterious girl was still mysterious since Tar had given her absolutely no name... She was therefore cast into the outer darkness...

and since even I don't know whether she refers to Tar or the mysterious girl that is a mystery too.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

i'll have you know, her parents forgot to name her!


----------



## HLGStrider

DANG! I should've thought of that.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

hahhaahahahahahaha


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then someone shot whoever was writing the story about the Dread Pirate Roberts scene in the face with a water filled balloon because anyone who's READ "The Princess Bride" will know that the handsome young man's name is actually "Westley" and not "Wesley" as it's so horribly misspelled in the movie credits.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Bob decided that the only thing to do to get rid of the EVIl korean boyfriend, was to have a plastic surgery to fool that took and finally be rid of his stupidity. so it was off to LA the home of plastic surgery and silicon.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar who was not too keen on namecalling began to call Bob a "spooty-pooty, lizard licker, orangatange molester,dog bum sniffer she male"


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Which made Bob to break up in tears.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then the less attractive Angry Beaver arrived to shout "Spootie-spoot-spoot-head!!!" and explain the meaning of SPAWN.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"stop insulting us precious!" Bob said over and over.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Daggit explained:

SPAWN stands for 

Smashing
Property
And
Whomping
Norb


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"You fiend!" screamed Bob, "How can you hurt you better than you, cuter than you older brother....he is so hot!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee has too read the book... and knows it wasn't really the pit of despair it was the Zoo of Death... or something like that.... SILLY DUCK!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"A guy...thinks my brothers hot! OMG!" dagget said.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

And that had no point to this tale what-so-ever.


----------



## HLGStrider

But nothing has anything to do with this story... with the exception of the unknown seventh dimension.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which is in itslef a paradox of pandora boxes


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and haldir the very gay elf was in a frilly pink dress singing "I feel pretty" for glorifindel. who himself was performing , " I gotta wash that man right out of my hair" in the next act in a tankini bathing suit


----------



## HobbitGirl

A VARIETY SHOW! HOOORAY!

All at once a stage, cameras, and audience appeared and all the perfomers were nervously going over thier acts backstage. After Glorfindel's act, it was Bob's turn to shine. Wearing his ceremonial pijamas which he was wearing when all the confusion started on that fateful morning when he fell down a hole, Bob walked out onto the stage like he was the King of the West. He stepped up to the microphone and paused.

_Alright Bob,_ he thought to himself. _This is your big moment. After all the craziness, after all the death and rebirth, after all the Harrison Ford monotone acting schools <shudder>, this is what it's all been leading up to. This is what's gonna pay it all off. I'll show the Dieties that I'm a discrace to the human race! I'll show them all just how much this Bob is worth!_

Bob began his act, which was....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Poor Jud is dead"...but he choked up and began to curl up in a ball saying my precious over and over again. than the slightly over supportive, and slightly touchy support of Glorifindel and Haldir found bob in a complex place, where he was soon to be spongebathed, with glorfindel and haldir.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

During this time Arwen, and Galadriel sang a duet, "If momma got married". this included a grand tap number.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Westley and Wesley rushed onto the stage dragging Robin Wright-Penn along with them. They started to Can Can and then Robin married Frank Sinatra.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"You idiots!" arwen screamed, "This is my number! Not yours!" Galadriel left the stage thinking _what an impatient wretch my grandaughter is!_.Then she sent a message to Elrond, "Let your daugther stay here, she would make valinor want to kick her out."


----------



## HLGStrider

Which is why Elrond got her a mercedes for her wedding... Arwen couldn't wait up for him and didn't want to marry Prince Vallium so she took off in it and was snared by PATRICK STEWART'S CLONE!

Evil music.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then dark helmet caught her and began to attempt to seduce her


----------



## HLGStrider

But she hit him over the head with a frying pan and was rescued by Glorfindel... who then got into an argument with Aragorn over hair tips.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since Aragorn had crappy hair Glorifindel won easily.


----------



## HLGStrider

But Aragorn got the last laugh because when someone started to ring out his hair they found out there was actually no oil shortage whatsoever and everyone got a good laugh at Saddam Hussaine whose own oil supply was puny compared to that of the Aragorn-Hair-Oil company.


----------



## HobbitGirl

But Boromir, who washed his hair less than Aragorn did, set up a rival Boromir-Hair-Oil company just to spite him (and to impress Arwen too!).


----------



## HLGStrider

Which was useless because Arwen had already married lonestar and moved to Pittsburg. She was quite happy there and spent the rest of her days crochetting doilies. In fact she started a huge doily business and entered the fortune five hundred and had her picture, wearing only doilies, on the front of Forbes magazine. Of course it sold out.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Meanwhile...Bob was getting spongebathed by haldir who was tickling him....such torture


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then someone arrived and was like, "GLORFINDEL'S A BEAST!!!"
and ran off.

While everyone else agreed.

Glorfindel was, indeed, a beast.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

haldir was quite insulted at the implication of his 'buddy' who likes 'coupling' being a beast so he chased the evil man away...meanwhile bob escaped...even though he smelled like stawberries


----------



## Ol'gaffer

But because Bob escaped the universal counsel of scoundrels declared him a weasel and in one fleeting second bob was turned into one.


----------



## HLGStrider

Of course Weesel is a writing term for words and phrases like kind of and Very so Bob went around as a very for six centuries.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and my god, he hated it. Being used all time, as in *very* interestingly good, *Very* wholsome, or the usual *Very* ambiguous (as in case with Haldir and Glorifindels *very* ambiguos relationship which is *Very* disturbing.)


----------



## HLGStrider

Very very very...

THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN HE WENT THROUGH A MIDLIFE CRISIS AND VARIED! He was now a vary instead of a very.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so he was used in math classes...also known as the spanish inquistion.


----------



## HLGStrider

hey! The Spaniards protested. You're giving us a bad name.

The vary was attacked by the Spaniards, including Inigo, and thrown into the Star Fissure while Atrus did this cool voice over and linked home with Catherine for a bit of the bubbly.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

who was still suffering tremendously over her loss of henry to that ungrateful whore anne boylen..


----------



## HobbitGirl

Miracle Max cringed at the sound of Boyeln. "Liar! Liar! Liaar!" screamed Max's witch/wife. "I'm not listening!" Max said. "Boylen!" shouted the Wife. "Boylen Boylen Boylen!" Max ran around the shack covering his ears while Fezzik laughed and munched on Pez.


----------



## lossenandunewen

but the pez turned out to be avacado flavored, and he was reduced to a hunched over vomit pile



(pleasant no? i forgot what i was originally going to write)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Catherine, Jane seymore, and Anne Boylen got into a total cat fight over who was the most legitimate.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Which was only to be interrupted by Anne Robinson who declard Bob as the Geakest link and sent him into limbo.

The others continued their cat fight three seconds later.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Anne Boylen Screamed, "Henry's MY husband!" and then shot Catherine in the heart...Henry finally interfered to the dismay of most men.


----------



## HLGStrider

Atrus looked at Bob in Limbo and Henry the Eighth and said "Huh?"

He then got a job as the lead singer of Hermans' Hermits and Sang "I'M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM!" over and over again.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

meanwhile...His six wifes battled out who was his real life and due to Anne's ferrocity she was the first to be voted out, Because of Catherines of Aragons annoying claims to queenship, she was second. Anne of Cleeves was rather sheltered and naive and quit after being pursuaded by Catherine howard, who was later removed for adultery, The big winner was....Catherine Parr...who was dead but two days later...However since Jane Seymore never participated she was the offical winner...yay for jane


----------



## HLGStrider

Atrus asked Bob to join the band, and he did, as a stage hand. Then one night as he was carrying a bunch of strobe lights...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he was possesd by the wandering spirit of Michael Jackson!


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Which caused his nose to fall off!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Sir Thomas More's ghost began to lecture bob on modesty


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Which caused Bob absolutely no harm but drove the wandering spirit of Michael Jackson into utter insanity.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob started to shake and fell down foaming at the mouth. He then was measured for a suit by this terribly weird tailor who looked a lot like Haldir.


----------



## Ecthelion

I just want to ask if anyone besides me feels sorry for poor Bob. I feel sorry for him. If he ever makes it back to his normal life he'll be tramatized.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob suddenly realized what a terrible life he had. He got up and ran after the only person who felt sorry for him, Ecthilon, yelling "I need a hug!"


----------



## omnipotent_elf

while running with arms outstretched, Bob is crashed tackled of a bridge


----------



## Wolfshead

And managed to crack a tooth. Which he then proceeded to glue back on, only to stick his lips together. So, he went along to the hospital, but he couldn't explain what had happened to him, due to the glue, so they removed one of his kidneys.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and woke to find a second liver, and extra foot within his chest


----------



## HLGStrider

These enabled him to leep tall buildings in a single bound... I don't know why. They just did.

He started doing this professionally, but then the economy crashed and congress passed a law outlawing Building Bounding.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then the NBBBP(National building bouncing banning patrol) hired Sir Thomas more to be the 'offical Ghost detective'


----------



## Ecthelion

Bob took one last jump for old times sake and when he jumped he landed in Britain. HE looked around and then saw aliens come out of the sky. He suddenly turned into a Scottsman stuck his right hand out in front of him and started walking to Scottland(anyone know where I got that from?)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and sir tomas more met up with bob, he told bob he needed to visit a priest and confess his sins....later the NBBBP hired the spanish inquisition and Bloody Mary. IT was renamed "NBBBAPP" (The national bouncing building baning against protestants patrol)


----------



## HLGStrider

But Bob was so confused trying to think up where it was from that he forgot to go to confession and ended up selling lightbulbs at Seers.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

*which led to a thunderbolt falling from the sky, and smiting Bob and his lighbulbs*
when he fell due to this strike, haldir was the first at the scene...............*


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and took Bob as a 'hostage of love'


----------



## HLGStrider

along with two, twin pandas, and an octopus named Leonard Nimoy... Spock then sued the Octopus and won Bob in the court case... How illogical.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob who was sorely confused by this was finally apprehended by Sir Thomas More...


----------



## HLGStrider

"Hey!" cried Spock. "That's my Bob! Jim! Jim! They're stealing my Bob! Give me my Bob back!"

Janeway entered the room, cast a snide look at Spock and said to Tuvok, "What a baby!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Anne Boylen said, "NO! Bob is my sex toy!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Everyone looked at her really weird so she grabbed onto the nearest king and jumped off the tower of London... Bob then married Mary Queen of Scots and posed for a portrait wearing twenty live weasels in front of the Eiffle Tower.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since it wasn't built yet...it was just a prophesy! Then Henry Said in a very loud way, "Show me to my bride-groom!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, who had not known that lightbulbs predated the Eiffle Tower, was confused.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then henry took bob in his arms, kissed him on the mouth and then began to caress his ****(edited for content). Bob was mortified


----------



## HobbitGirl

He was so mortified, in fact, that he ran away blindly until he fell on Calypso's island and was held captive for seven years. Odessyeus decked Bob when he tried to hit on Calypso. Then Hermes came and told Calypso that she had to relase Bob, so Calypso sulkily chucked Bob into the ocean.


----------



## Ecthelion

Problem was, Bob couldn't swim. HE sunk like a rock to the bottom and then found a jar of pickles that he put over his head to breath. Then he jumped and ended up jumping a building and got arrested. When in jail he got really close with his African jailmate, Raul.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But then bob felt an urge to go digging...and dug and dug...


----------



## Ecthelion

and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug and dug until he finally came back to normal ground and he was in China so he went to have some goose.


----------



## HLGStrider

Ok, guys. Watch the content a bit... 
Especially you, Tar.

He undermined the Eiffle Tower and crumpled the Bastille. He was then mugged by Jean My-Mind-Goes-Blank-On-The-Last-Name, and the entire cast of Les Miserables AND the Tale of Two Cities.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

moi? I will

but got bored of literarry refrences and had a nice nap


----------



## HLGStrider

It was a ten thousand year nap...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which lasted so long even elves died.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Causing chaos all over the world. No more supermodels to drool over for!!!!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then the cast of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom freed all the little hobbit children!


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Huh?  
Who were all trapped by the evil ballhog of molia.


----------



## Wolfshead

Then Bob, who was feeling suddenly peckish, went down to Burger King, and asked for a Big Mac. They chased him out with brooms.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

commanded by the wicked witch of the west


----------



## Lossen Vana

Who then turned poor bob into a mouse and sent him to work as a stunt double for Mickey Mouse.


----------



## Ecthelion

But the witch was not done with him so she sent her flying monkeys to bring Bob to her lair in The land of Oz


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which were pink!


----------



## Lossen Vana

And humed to the tune of "I know a song that gets on everybodys nerves..."


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was going insane. He was trapped in a car on a dark free way with that song going and he knew he had to escape or Nurse Diesel would destroy him!


----------



## omnipotent_elf

but he realisesd he wasnt insane when multicoloured zebras came out of everywhere and tackled bob before asking him to go bareback zebra riding


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then his nightmares pursued him!


----------



## Lossen Vana

And then he desided enough vodka before bed and desided to go fishing.


----------



## HLGStrider

A large whale pulled him and dragged him down and down and down... he ended up in its stomach with Jonah and Captain Ahab who got him into a rather dubious game of five card draw.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, Rich from survivor came over in his birthday suit.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

eww said bob


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob coved his eyes and set fire to the whale escaping, then gets swallow by an elf.


----------



## HobbitGirl

The elf is none other than Haldir the Very Gay. Bob screamed and screamed.


----------



## Lossen Vana

The the elf saw Rich and bob crawed out of his mouth escaping, because the gay elf feel in love.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was really disturbing


----------



## Lossen Vana

bob then after taking a bath desided to go in for major theropy.


----------



## HLGStrider

But after hearing his story the doctors all went crazy and shot themselves... and Bob was arrested.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And when he got to jail he found out his cellmate was Paul Reubens, aka PeeWee Herman. And he was constantly exposing himself.

So Bob took a large pillow and smothered Paul in his sleep.
And the next day when the guards came to check on them they found Paul dead and Bob escaped with the aid of only a plastic spoon and a lithium ion battery, which he had used to.....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

eat all the puding than make himself big using the litium battery and rolled out of the prison.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he was chased down by Matrtha Stewet saying, "I never did it honest!"


----------



## HLGStrider

She fell down a hole and was never seen again. Bob looked down the hole and dropped in a penny, making a wish that...


----------



## Lossen Vana

He could dance in the New York ballet.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

sadly he did not pronounce well enough and began to float in a bubble watching hte new york ballet


----------



## omnipotent_elf

*and then due to some exploding flatulence, was blown airbourne*


----------



## HobbitGirl

He flew and flew, and finally plopped down in the land of Oz in the country of the Munchkins. Bob looked at the little people curiously.
"Are you hobbits?" he asked them.
"What's a hoppit?" one Munchkin squeaked.
"Apparently not," said Bob. He looked around. "Um...you wouldn't happen to know where I can find a Seven-Eleven near here, would you?"
The Munchkins all looked at him like he was a fruit fly-infested grapefruit.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

*then 50 fruit fly infested grapefruit come out from nowhere and hit bob.....*


----------



## HLGStrider

Then he realized that they were not Hobbits. They were HABBITS! And infamously bad ones at that. The infamous Bad Habbits attacked Bob habitually. The worst Habbit was the Grape Fruit diet Habbit who forced poor Bob to eat the nasty, worm ridden things.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then he was saved by the wicked witch of the west


----------



## HobbitGirl

But since she was evil and tricksy, the Witch only saved Bob so that she could make him go to work for her. She forced Bob to balance her checkbook every hour of every day of the week, and that nasssssty witch wouldn't even let Bob go to the bathroom.


----------



## Lossen Vana

So he had an accident and drown the witch.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was downright nasty.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Steve Martin told him, "Comedy ain't Pretty."

He then put an atom bomb up his nose and pretended to sneeze.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was nasty too


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and then many many zebras came out and tackled everyone for good fun


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Followed by numerous Zebra hunters equipped with bomerang shrapnel and kengurus wired with explosives.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then the zebras won by mooning them like they saw in Braveheart.


----------



## HLGStrider

Gosh all mighty... that was REALLY nasty... 

Nasty hobbitesses...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

poor hobitsees


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then the zebras desided to play pin the tail on the hobbit.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

which resulted in a burst hobbit


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then the zebras ate all the candy that came out of him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

" I see queen mab hath been with you!" the Zebra said.


----------



## Lossen Vana

*It's pronounced Math!* He said giving the Zebra a cold drop.


----------



## Wolfshead

The zebra didn't like that so it punched Bob. As a result, he fell in some zebra droppings, face first.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob laughed evily, and ran face first into a wall.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

making him as ditzy as sailor moon


----------



## HLGStrider

an artist painted over him, using him for texture in a mural. He spent twenty years on that wall. Then it was denounced as bad art and the artist burnt it in shame.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he became a french flapper farting machine


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob ran around screeming "My Busicuts are burnin!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which if thought about in the right context is just weird.


----------



## HLGStrider

But taken in context it was rather normal... as normal as things get in the underworld which is wear Bob was sent. In the underworld people wear only underwear and eat upside down cakes.. nobody knows why.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

hahahahahhahahahahaahha, bob said


----------



## HLGStrider

But then he realized that he was still wearing his pink, Barbie boxers. He turned bright red and was mistaken for a tall tomato. he ended up on veggie tales where he was squashed by FrankenCelery.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then a flying monkey ate him thinking he was squash.


----------



## HLGStrider

So Bob was again cast into the outer darkness and made to watch old television reruns while Tony played his accordian in the back ground.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he was sucked into reruns of the brady bunch


----------



## HLGStrider

Brother... Bob thought as he jumped rope with Cindy.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but the light at the end of the tunnel appeared...."The Fonz", came and said, "Hey, got some chics outside, and I don wanna keep em waitin"


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob got hit in the nose with a football.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

the fonz was convinced bob was not made of the 'right stuff', and gave the extra girl to richie cunningham


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and bob screamed, eyes closed, and when he opened them he was in M*A*S*H


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since Tar knows nothing about that show she changed the subject and he was now on Threes company1


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then they all invited The Munsters over.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then Tar dumpeed the refrences to old TV shows. and joined the monty python gang.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then asked how fast dose a swallow flap his wings?


----------



## HLGStrider

but not before Joshua Girraffe had carried off Bob's lucky snorkel to Albequerque... Which was tragic. Bob was condemned to eat saurkruat.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Witch he did with relish.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which was against the rules. You eat hot dogs with relish but not saurkraut. Upon hearing that Bob had broken the rules Qui Gon Jin swept in and started to whip him with a wet noodle while making him listen to Jar Jar Binks.
"Stop!" Bob pled. "Stop! This is torture!"
Then Janet Reno sent him back to Cuba.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Gurgle!" said sad bob


----------



## HLGStrider

The Cubans put him in a zoo with a label that stated he was a Capitalist Pig. They then danced the Macarena for him.


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Stop this madness!" Bob said. "You can't dance for beans! Leave me alone!" The Cubans just stuck thier tounges out at him and proceded to attempt the Grapevine, and they did that worse than the Macarena. "Please!" Bob shouted, banging on his bars. "I'm not a Capitolist, I swear! I'm a Communist! I'm a Commie, through and through!" The CIA heard Bob's confession to his Communism an sentenced him to exile in China, where he met up with Confucius and started trying to reform the government.


----------



## HLGStrider

He tried to teach the Chinese to Tango in a square of note... and got ran over by a tank.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he ate a perogie and danced the polka all the way to germany.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

to which homer simpson was sitting there eating donuts saying mmmmmmmmm donuts, is there anythign they cant do?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob thought, "Why the heck am i still alive!" and he killed himself. Bob died again!


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then homer dropped a magical donught onto bobs body and bob came back to life as a jelly doghnut.


----------



## HLGStrider

That had been his life long ambition, so for the length of one post... one brief post... he just sat there feeling happy...


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But then he started screaming "I HATE MY LIFE I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF SOMETHING REALLY TALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then he started crying about things like time zones, and VISAs and things.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"AIIIIIEEEEE!" bob yelled as he jumped off the side of a kiddie pool.


----------



## HLGStrider

On the other side of the pool was a large, deep hole. Bob fell...

The hole was lined with observation decks where people came to watch Bob fall. It was a really big hit.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And all the jelly was knocked out of him. Then he was thinking about how this whole thing started, and desided to stay away from holes. Expecailly deep holes.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then he fell over.
Into a vat of Jell-O.

Burning HOT Jell-O.

And he was hideously burned and scarred for life.
And no amount of plastic surgery could save him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so the diets said..."Bob we expell you from living any longer.."


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then he said, "my head hurts.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but ghosts cant feel pain, can they?


----------



## HobbitGirl

So Bob was a ghost. He traveled the world haunting various places at his leisure and popping out of walls to scare the bagezes out of people. Eventually, Bob got tired of being diembodied and sued the Dietys for killing him. He won, but only because he had hired O.J. Simpson's lawer. This, however, backfired on him, because now that he was alive he had to pay the lawer all kinds of outrageous fees. To escape the lawer's thugs from turning him upside down and tickling him until he handed over his wallet, Bob became an outlaw and went into hiding. He spent his days selling Furbies on the Black Market.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And then becames friends with Jar-Jar Binks. Because he was being sold on the black market.


----------



## HLGStrider

So was Barbie and Dana Carvey and a bunch of other untouchables.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Who were just screaming to be touched.

"TOUCH ME!! TOUCH ME" They screamed!


----------



## HLGStrider

It turned into a giant game of touch football without a ball... which was really hard to coach because everybody said they had the ball even though it was quite impossible because in untouchable touch football there are only twenty-six balls, not three hundred... it was just impossible...

THEN THE IMP'S WHO ARE POSSIBLE ATTACKED!


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob had a heart attack, tring to keep up with the new rules, and found himself on the set of Scrubs.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then someone burst into the room with an Uzi and a paintball gun and started shooting everyone.
Including Barnaby, Cornelius, Irene, and Minnie.
Becuase they all suck, and none of them are elegant.


----------



## Lossen Vana

The paint then mutated Bob into an ape and he was cast into the new movie "Planet of the Apes: Part 6, billion"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

however the movie sucked!


----------



## HLGStrider

But with that budget what did they expect? 

Bob had to spend the rest of his life in the background of the February picture for a Mary Englebriet callender behind a big blue flower.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he desided he liked the way he looked hidden behind flowers and posed nude.


----------



## Rogue666666

Which he was arrested for, as it was illegal to pose nude on the Planet of the Apes. 


Their the lawyer cuaght up with him and he counter-invested-sued-transacted-divuldged all of bob's money. So bob got a job working at 7-11

again.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Until he caught a glimpse of his thighs in the mirror, freaked out irrationally, and decided he'd better go on a three week diet and excercise kick in hopes of losing major poundage.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then ***Edited by Ancalagon*** told him to go on jared subway diet and he did losing 200 hundred pounds....and reduce your signature length.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which he promptly gained again when he realised he would never be thin...


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he cried and mr. rodgers came over and comforted him with his puppets.


----------



## HLGStrider

NEVER FEAR! LAMB CHOP IS HERE!

And that was the end of the sheep because Piglet said Bah Ram Ewe and somthing BAD happened.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Bob got hungry and ate Lamp chops


----------



## HLGStrider

He was attacked by seven hundred and fifty two and one half severely traumatized children. They all grew up to be lawyers.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Bob screamed. Then Mr. Rodgers calmed the childish lawyers and they all began to suck there thumbs.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which was not good because they all got bad teeth and had to sue Mr Rodger. Their orthodontist was a man named Worthing who was in favor of dental blasting, using TNT, to rid people of nasty overbites.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Bob tried it then died from the blast to his head.


----------



## HLGStrider

He was buried under neath the white house and he began to haunt it.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bush woke up and screemed in his nightgown. Then Bob desided to run for pres. and shouted

*BOB FOR APPLES!!!! VOTE FOR ME!*


----------



## HLGStrider

Then he was foiled by Elgee who disgraced him in the middle of a press conference by insisting she wouldn't vote for anyone who wouldn't buy her a digital camera and take a picture of her in a blue tankini so she could win the Miss TTF contest....

http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?postid=240406#post240406 

That was very sad, don't you think?


----------



## Lossen Vana

So bob went to the darkside and took a picture of her with his brand new digaital camera.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was all canceled out when...nevermind.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob put on a bikinii and looked really displeasing...need I say more?


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Yes.
Because the poetry judges want MORE WORDS!


----------



## Lossen Vana

So bob who isn't very bright wrote MORE WORDS in big bold letters accross his farhead.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which incidentally turned out to be not such a wise move, as his farhead was QUITE DIRTY and so he erased it and wrote it on his tummy.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he killed them all every poetry judge!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was disappointing becuase they were Vogon poetry judges, and therefore delciously awful.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob ate them all. And took a bath.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which made him smell like....GRAPsE


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Or grapefruit.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And then he became very old and grew a long white beard.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which turned purple


----------



## HobbitGirl

But just then HobbitGirl's gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart got angry because each bit of the story was getting shorter and shorter. But HobbitGirl told him to cool his jets because he was being hyprocritical, so he proceded to hack Orcs to pieces for anger management. As soon as the word "orcs" was mentioned, a piercing shirek could be heard. It was Legolas, and the orc had given him a tangle and dirty cuticles. Aragorn called him a wussy, which Gimli responded to by chopping off Aragorn's legs.


----------



## HLGStrider

Aragorn went on sixty minutes and told his story... WHILE JUGGLING!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which did not entertain legolas as he was being held hostage by a fan named stefaie


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Lossen's player stole Legolas and tied him up, and grined insanly, like a cat that just caught it's first bird.


----------



## HLGStrider

She then grew fangs and a tail and started to climb trees.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

or legolas?


----------



## Lossen Vana

Yes indeed Legolas had turned into a cat to escape his captor.


----------



## HLGStrider

The dogs attacked, bringing giant milkbones and chew toys with them!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but she was just tickeled pink by this!(ooc:look at this pic)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc- actually its this picture...Bob was just so happy to see it


----------



## Rogue666666

Bob was sick of this stupid story, so he asked the mods to delete the thread,


FOR THE SAKE OF ALL OF US WHO WHISH TO REMAIN SANE!


----------



## Lossen Vana

Bob then kicked rouge666666 in a place where it hurts the most. Saying he liked the adventures and the pic of legolas


----------



## Wolfshead

Then Bob politely asked Rogue666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666 if it had occured to him to stop looking at the thread if he didn't like it?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

bob said, "I know it drives you insane! Look at its victims!" hes aid pointing to tar, elgee, and otherrs


----------



## HLGStrider

DON'T LET IT DIE! IT MUST NEVER DIE!"

Bob begged. "Please don't kill it..." Bob melted into a puddle of warm butter.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

which was soon eating by a madagaskan(sp?) lemur


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

that decided the riki tiki tavi was like the coolest thing


----------



## Lossen Vana

And while he was with Riki Tiki Tavi they booked a trip to austrailia. Where bob got turned into Steve Irwin.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was confused because he didn't know off the top of his head who he was...


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he started to yell "Crikey" and try to get bitten by poisonus snakes.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And he screamed.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

the loud scream of an evil Genius


----------



## Aulë

Then Rambo came along, and did the world a favour by pumpng Steve Irwin full of lead.
A herd off kangaroos came hopping by, and carried Bob to the top of Ayers Rock, and made him play the didgeridoo.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and this didgeridoo turned out to be a large pipe full of tabacco,


----------



## Aulë

To which Bob said to the kangaroos
"Is this Old Toby?"


----------



## omnipotent_elf

*for which he was boxed to peru*


----------



## Aulë

And he found a shriners hat


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but in all honesty he felt deprived of his own personality and arranged a meeting that would send him to the begining of the story so he could find his personality


----------



## Lossen Vana

And so he found himself falling down a hole again.


----------



## HLGStrider

NO!" he begged. "Not the hole! Not the hole!"

Then he landed in a feather bed which was being bounced upon by a herd of kindergarteners. They mistook him for Elmo.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Snuffy came and ate him wanting to be in the spot light.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob met a pack of Gremlins in Snuffy's stomach and started a rock band... they were out of sight, man...


----------



## Lossen Vana

Outta site till the docters operated and let them out of Snuffys tummy.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which turned out to be a big mistake cos the minute they were out they ate everybody with their KILLER jaws!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than the end of the world came! No not really


----------



## Wonko The Sane

What really came was the Barbie Doll Tar had been using as an avatar () Came to life and joined the band!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than wonko and her little orcling joined too


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then the Abomidable Snowman who was made of snow came out of the frozen northlands of Salt Lake City and ATE ALL THE BARBIE DOLLS IN EXISTANCE. And someone cried, "Oh horror and woe! Death and destruction to us all!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonko sang and played the guitar, and the orcling just sang and distracted Wonko until they were snogging on the stage and completely messing up the bands mojo.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then they signed Bob and the Bobets to a high paying record company.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the snogging couple became the bands trademark and due to their amorousness sold millions of copies of their album and even more tickets to their show. Especially when Wonks snogged the orcling AND played the guitar at the same time!


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Bob killed his manager after he found out how much he was stealing from the bands profits. And since he was a rock star he got off scott free.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which wasn't fair cos the Scots never got off Scott free.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Mr. Snuggle came by and said he would make it all feel better.


----------



## Aulë

Then Rambo reappeared and killed Mr. Snuggle, and all of the Bobetts!

"Nooooooo!" cried Bob!
"This place isn't as bobby as it was before!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob was pretty sure that this was not his true self


----------



## HobbitGirl

So Bob set out on a quest to find his true self. But when he could not find it on Earth, in Middle-Earth, in the Undying Lands, on Xenon 5, or in Magdala, he went to see Tar, who was not only a renowned Dark Queen but a renowned psyciatrist. And Bob asked Tar who is true self really was, and how he could find him again.


----------



## HLGStrider

Tar told him to get lost and made him an omelete but didn't give him any options. It HAD to have ham and cheese.


----------



## Aulë

And the cheese was Norwegian Beaver Cheese


----------



## HLGStrider

BOB'S FAVORITE!
He didn't like ham however. He ate all her cheese and threw the ham out the window.


----------



## Aulë

When the ham fell onto the ground, it turned into a pig called Babe.
Babe then sung "Baa Ram Ewe" at Bob, and started rounding him up.


----------



## HLGStrider

which made Tar very angry indeed. She sent him to live with Kanga where Bob had to eat medicine and take baths.


----------



## Aulë

But Bob escaped, and came across a unicorn by the name of Elgee.


----------



## HLGStrider

She offered him a ride to the unicornio convention where everyone is bonita y divertida!


----------



## Aulë

Bob glady accepted, and hopped onto Elgee's back


----------



## HLGStrider

The pretty unicornios had all gathered beneath the starry sky to enjoy pizza and hottubbing.


----------



## Aulë

"Noooo!" yelled Bob, "Anything but hottubbing!"
And he proceeded to flee from the crazy unicorns, until he came across...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then tar came and banished bob to the island of lost dreams...


----------



## Celebthôl

YAY we're back with bob...errr anyway...

bob found many a lost dream (and nightmmare) he found the one where he....


----------



## Aulë

...fell in love with a cannibal.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Named Hanibel Lecter. Who tryed to eat Bob.


----------



## HLGStrider

but he ate a tunafish salad instead.\


----------



## Celebthôl

and so did Bob and they drank wine called...


----------



## HobbitGirl

Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters. And they all had thier brains smashed out by a lemon wrapped around a brick.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

sadly it was not trout with a white wine sauce gently sauteed to absolute perfection and served with double vodka martinis.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And then a the waiter came in and said he was sorry. And served up a fresh blond brain, then bob said...


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Why you little....stupid head! I ordered brunette brain, not blonde! Do you hear me? BRUNETTE!" Bob shouted. The waiter took the brain away, and Bob muttered under his breath, "What a putz-monkey."


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then the waiter hearing Bob. Took him and wrung his neck, killing him. The Hanibel ate him. 

_ffafafafafafaff_


----------



## HobbitGirl

So Bob was dead for the umpteenth time. His spirit wandered the Halls of Mandos for a while, until Mandos spotted him, and said, "Hey! You're not an elf! What are you doing here?"
"I am too an elf!" said Bob.
"Are not!" said Mandos.
"Are too!" said Bob.
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Not not not not not not notnotnotnotnot..."
"Too too too too too too tootootootootoo..."
Then Feanor came along and told Bob to shut his yapper. He would have told Mandos to shut up too, but we all know what happened last time Feanor messed with the Valar...


----------



## HLGStrider

He was sentenced to sit before the throne of Morgoth in a dress with pink embroidered flowers!


----------



## Aulë

and to groom unicorns


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

while feeding morgorth chocolate covered starfish


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he cut off the horn of one of the unicorns and glued it to his farhead.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which makes NO sense.


----------



## Wolfshead

"It's not meant to make sense!" shouted Bob. "This is Wales after all. Who do you think I am, George Dubya?"


----------



## Lossen Vana

No I thought you were Geroge Bush!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

"I'm neither!" Shouted Bob. "I'm Welsh!!!!"

And then he did something silly. Cos that's what Welsh people do.


----------



## Valdarmyr

...he went to the railway station intending to take the 6:45 from Caerllion-ar-Wysc to Minas Tirith.


----------



## HLGStrider

singing, "There were green aligators and long necked geese some humpy back camels and some chimpanzees, some cats some rats some elephants as sure are you're born but the loveliest of all was the unicorn."..

He also did the handmotions to the song. People thought he was muy odd.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and a very, odd short man came and said,
"Do you want a pint today?"


----------



## Aulë

to which Bob exclaimed,
"It comes in pints????"


----------



## Valdarmyr

This last encounter got Bob so excited that he entirely forgot about catching his train, and he reenacted the whole scene at the Prancing Pony, all the drinking and the singing, Frodo leaping into the air, rolling off the table, the ring slipping on his finger and him vanishing. When he was done, one person clapped politely and tossed some change at his feet, while another man just shook his head and said...


----------



## Lossen Vana

"I'll be back!" in him terminater voice. Bob not understanding said, "I'll be beetoven (sp)!" Then the teminator took out his gun and...


----------



## HLGStrider

Instructed Bob in classical dance...

It was Spike Jones, who as we all know used to direct with a revolver... They sang "My Old Flame" with Peter Lorre in the middle of a Casablanca intersection... then Humphrey Bogart was run over by a camel.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and ingrid birdman was devestated. Bob tried to comfort her.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then got hungry and ate her.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then he burped and said, "Here's looking at you, kid."


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then he started to sing "I'm singing in the rain" even though it was snowing outside.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And suddenly a green guy with little antennae sticking out of his head and wearing a white cloak blew up the moon with an old Soviet nuke. Then all the world's tides went all freaky, and New York City was swallowed under the waves. At that moment a baby was born.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And the mutant babys name was Bob Jr.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Bob used his lucky coin to jump through space and time to see his new baby son. He held little junior in his arms and cried like a whelp. Suddenly the nurse cried out, "But who is the mother?!?!?"

"Mother?" Jr. said. "I thought I was a laboratory creation!"

Bob took no notice of any of this. "I want you to know that whatever alternate dimensions I get thrown into, and not matter how many times I die, I will always have you with me!" he said to Bob Jr. "Um, wait, that came out wrong..."

"What kind of name is Bob?" asked the baby. "I want to be known as the Rubber Duckie of Westmarch! You can call me RDW for short." Jr. winked at the ladies.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than tar yelled at her puppy for eating tars retainer


----------



## HLGStrider

Then RDW was sued for malpractice when he forcibly took the retainer and buried it, with the puppy, beneath grand central station... that was why Bob broke down and cried a river.


----------



## Valdarmyr

But Bob distilled the salt out of the river of tears that he cried and opened the "RDW Pretzel Company." He used some of the money he earned to hire the best lawyer in New York to fight RDW's malpractice suit. And when they won...


----------



## HLGStrider

they celebrated by taking a trip into a nearby wormhole with Benjamin Sisco and Captain Janeway.


----------



## Aulë

But it wasn't long till they came to a blockage.
John Candy had been trying to get to Jamaica, but had become stuck.
"Please help me get out of this wormhole," pleaded John, "If you help me, I'll train you to be a "bob"-sled team!"


----------



## Valdarmyr

Suddenly, Mr. Scott, who was holding on for dear life to the top of Treebeard, yelled, "Captain, it was our anti-matter imbalance that created the wormhole in the first place. But I can guarantee ya' I can give ya' warp speed on that "Bob"-sled, laddie."


----------



## Lossen Vana

Kirk stood nearby with his lost in space stair on his face. Then her help up a mirror and fixed his hair.

*We* 
*Will* 
*Never* 
*Surrender* 
*I'M*
*So*
*Damned*
*Good*
*Looking!* 

He shouted in his abnormally slow talk. Bob looked at him and took his phaser and set it to kill. Then he...


----------



## Valdarmyr

...paused a moment and started pacing slowly. Bob said, "Awwlllriiiighteee then, Mr. James TIBERIUS Kirk, the jig is up! I know why you've been talking so slowly all these years. It's just so you could steal screen time away from your fellow cast members! Well, we'll fix that. You see this Ring of Power? THIS oughta help ya talk faster!"

Kirk looked at the Ring and said, "You...offer...it...to...me...freely. I...cannot...deny...that...I...have...desired...this." Kirk reached out for the Ring. And then...


----------



## HLGStrider

The line dancing Tooks snatched the ring and made off with it. Soron and Sauron got together and took over the Nexus...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but nobody cared except the harison fords...


----------



## Lossen Vana

Kirk began to rip out his hair.

*You* 
*Have* 
*Figured* 
*Out* 
*My* 
*Plan* 
*Now* 
*I* 
*Must* 
*Kill* 
*You* 

Then he gave the manly captain look. And set his phaser to kill. Then once the ring was stolen.

*Beam* 
*Me* 
*Up* 
*Scotty* 
*I* 
*May* 
*break* 
*a* 
*Nail!* 

Then bob rolled his eyes and desided it would be safer with the borg. He joined and a mico chip was placed in his head making him forget the stolen ring.


----------



## Valdarmyr

And then Captains Kirk and Janeway, Mr. Scott, Benjamin Cisco, the Borg, Soron and Sauron, Harrison Ford, John Candy, Bob and RDW all joined the Line Dancing Tooks out on the dancefloor. They did the Two-Step, the Ten-Step, the Cotton-Eyed Joe, the Bus Stop, the Hustle, and for their big finale, they all donned harem pants and gave a rousing rendition of "You Can't Touch This."


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob went and canged his name to Jim. Liking it much better.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since it was the name of this nice guy...he changed it to georce


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Bert looked at Ernie and said "I think he meant George... It was probably a typo."
and Ernie said to Burt,
"No a Georce is a tap dancing penguin in a powdered wig. Everybody knows that... Bob is obviously now Jim the Georce."


----------



## Valdarmyr

And so henceforth, and so for some little time to come, Bob would be known as Jim the Georce, and his fame grew far and wide. And so Jim the Georce danced his little tap-dancing penguin dance, and his dance was helped by the fact that his powdered wig itched something fierce. But at least he didn't have to wear a tux on stage, because, after all, he was a penguin. Then one night, right in the middle of his tap dance on stage in front of a standing-room-only crowd, Jim the Georce...that is to say, Bob...did his interpretation of a scene from "Chicago," but he couldn't decide whether he should play the part of Catherine Zeta-Jones or Renee Zellweger, and he got so confused that he shrieked, and in a blinding flash of light, Jim the Georce, which is to say Bob, started channeling Richard Gere.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Harrison Fords all went OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH but everyone else wanted the dames and started singing a scene from South Pacific... Nothing like a Dame, while wearing costumes from Oklahoma.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Then RDW did a double take. "Wait...is my father a hobbit? I always pictured him with hairy feet when he was falling down that hole..."


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then during a costume change, Bob put on his red-checkered flannel shirt, and he came out singing, "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay," and the "It's" man from Monty Python, who was in the crowd, looked strangely like Gandalf, who happened to be in the ticket booth, and since the place was sold out, he told the next couple in line, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"


----------



## HLGStrider

and then the couple whipped him and threw him off the bridge.

you broke the bridge!


----------



## Valdarmyr

Aragorn, Boromir and the rest of the Fellowship donned their Devo hats and did the Time Warp.


----------



## HLGStrider

and bang! They were back in the Shire with Bob, now Bob again, cooking JDW some hot cakes and grits. He was wearing BIB OVERALLS!


----------



## Valdarmyr

As Dad and son sat there in the little house on Bagshot Row, happily munching on hot cakes and grits, Bob told RDW, "You know, it's funny you want to be known as the Rubber Duckie of Westmarch. Because those initials have special significance. The "R" stands for the Ring of Fire, for that is how your eyes sparkled when you were born. The "D" stands for Dudo Baggins, who is your great-great-great-great-Uncle. And the "W" stands for Wormtongue, who was your mummy." RDW looked at Bob with a face like  and said to Bob, "Are you sure you're my father?"


----------



## Aulë

The unexpectantly, Bob suffered a fatal heart attack and died.
And everyone (except Bob) lived happily ever after.

END OF STORY


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Bob Jr. went out to the hole his father fell threw in the begining, and was pushed making him fall threw the same hole.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Bob's ghost came to bob jr and said....please let my nonsense legend live on!


----------



## Lossen Vana

And so Bob Jr. made a wish and the blue fairy came making Bob into a real boy.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then Bob Jr. said "Bob!" And Bob said, "Bob? That was what they used to call me: Bob the Grey. I am Bob the White. Now quick, boy, find me my tanning booth, so I can catch some rays and stop blinding people."


----------



## Lossen Vana

So bob taned and looked nice. The he decided that he needed a buff body to go along with his nice tan. So he began to pump iron. Then he gained a supermodel body. He desided to go to the beach and....


----------



## HLGStrider

play volley ball... unfortunately he brought a foot ball by mistake and was mobbed by the binkini squad.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But their bikinis disappeared and were replaced by full length fur coats instead.
And they were the eskimo squad.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And bob froze in his Spedo because now he was at the North Pole in the middle of a blizard.


----------



## HLGStrider

Everyone felt frustrated at Bob the giant icicle, especially Dan the giant fudgesickle who'd been getting all the attention up until then.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But then Clancy the Giant Creamsicle appeared on the scene, and Bob and Dan were soon forgotten.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Clancy got on his Good Foot and shimmied sideways James Brown-style, did the splits, sprang into the air, then came down hard and shattered in a million pieces. Right then, Spring came and melted what was left of him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

sadly he dodded oofff top


----------



## Aulë

As Bob slowly unfroze, the disappearing ice revealed that he had turned into the YETI!


----------



## Valdarmyr

With his smelly, matted fur, Bob the Yeti looked like Jim Carrey's Whiploc character from "Earth Girls Are Easy," only Bob was a lot taller, and he wasn't wearing that silly red plastic helmet on his head. Jumping up and down on the North Pole, his heavy bulk sending cracks shivering all through the ice cap, Bob said petulantly, "I don't want to be a Yeti...I want to be a CAVE TROLL!" And with that, he smashed through the ice, and when he came out the other side of the earth...


----------



## Aulë

...He appeared in the Chamber of Mazarbul. The fellowship of the ring were in there.
"They have a cave troll!" yelled Boromir.
Merry and Pippin then jumped on Bob the Cave Troll's head, and started hacking at his head with their Westernese Knives.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

the troll quickly held both hands up and states:"come on guys, i have beers in my cave, lets settle this thing the old fashioned way!"
bob, merry, boromir and pippen all go of with the troll


----------



## Valdarmyr

So somewhere along the line Bob had split off from the Cave Troll and was his old self again. But when PJ saw him, he said, "Get this bum off my set!"


----------



## HLGStrider

He was then sued by the homeless for using an offensive term. While PJ was in court Bob the Yetti-Troll got onto a talk show and told his sad story.

Radio transmissions of it were picked up by a passing Borg cube. They had no interest in it what soever, but the waves bounced off their cube, hit the moon, exploded some swamp gas, and landed in the middle of a Pakistany market place where a gang of local Mitsubishi owners decided to get Bob and make an example of him to all other Toyota driving Yetis.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and then James bond said to Bob," Tomorow never dies"


----------



## Aulë

To which Bob The Yeti/Troll replied, "I'll Die Another Day!"


----------



## Valdarmyr

Bob said, "Hey 007, you may have thought you killed Scaramanga in "The Man With The Golden Gun," but--look--there he is, up in Orthanc! Get him!" Bond said, "But of course," pressed a button on his watch, and a laser beam shot out and started slicing the smooth black rock of Orthanc, but Saruman stretched out his arm, started speaking incantations and hypnotized him with his voice, and Bond fell into a trance and started clucking like a chicken, waving his elbows up and down, and scratching the ground with his feet.


----------



## HLGStrider

While Bond was doing the Chicken dance Merlin turned Bob into a squirrel. Then the mean old owl bit off Bob's tail and Bob had to go to the ball without his glass slippers.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then winnie the pooh showed up and yelled at owl for doing such a mean thing.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then winnie the pooh showed up and yelled at owl for doing such a mean thing.


----------



## HLGStrider

But owl couldn't read so it didn't make a difference.

Don't ask for my logic. You will get a headache.

Then Bob got a head ache.


----------



## Lossen Vana

And tigger made it worse by bouceing him and shouting...

*The wonderful thing about tiggers...are tiggers are wonderful things. There bouncy flouchy wouncy pouncy...fun fun fun fun fun! The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one! IIIIIII'MMMMM THHHHEEEE OOONNNNLLLLY OOOOONNNNNE!!!!! Rouuuuur!*


----------



## HobbitGirl

To which the Fat Lady of New York replied, "You stupid bouncy little thing! That's not how the song goes! You should be getting in right, cause you made it up, after all!" Then the Fat Lady of New York began jumpin up and down faster and better than Tigger, and she sang:

"The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things
Thier tops are made out of rubber
Thier bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, bouncy, trouncy, fun fun fun fun fun!
And the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one.
IIII'm the only one!
Hoo hoo hoo hoo!"

Then the Goon Squad of Illegal Singing Squatters arrested the Fat Lady of New York for singing without a license. Tigger stuck his tounge out at her as she was dragged away. She screamed for her lawyer, and RDW vanished into the shadows.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and bob died


----------



## HLGStrider

Mourning for his father, Bob Jr started a Mau tournament against Patrick Stewart and the Borg Queen.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then Stewart straightened his Starfleet tunic and yelled in the most dignified manner possible, "WAIT! Before anybody does anything, I want Tea. Earl-Grey. HOT HOT HOT!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Janeway hit him over the head with her replicator.
"It's coffee, black, you shirker! You try getting pulled half way across the galaxy and loosing your dog and fiance!"


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then Kirk showed up again and told Janeway and Picard, "Well, since we're all having a drink, how about a glass of Romulan Ale...and a marsh-Mellon!" And at that, even though they were a galaxy away, the Doors of Moria opened, making the same "_ssshhhwwwiikk!"_ sound the transporter doors on the old Enterprise did.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Saddam entered the bar saying give me a pint or i wilkl blow you up


----------



## Wolfshead

To which the devil replied, "What? Do you not love me anymore, Saddam?"


----------



## Aulë

OOC: Oh NO!!!! *thinks of The South Park Movie*

Then Kenny came along, and befriended Bob


----------



## Wolfshead

Yes, The South Park Movie, funny, wasn't it?

Anyway, Kenny was then killed horribly by a falling rubber mallet which bounced of his head repeatedly until he died. To which Bob shouted, "Oh my God! You killed Kenny, you.....


----------



## Aulë

But before he could get the swear word out of his mouth, Webmaster came along and slit his throat, turning Bob into a mute!


----------



## Valdarmyr

Cartman stood in Fangorn Forest, dressed in a white robe, wearing a white wig like Cher's, with a long white beard. He said, "I am Cartman the White now. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide. So you better respect my authoritah. And somebody get me some chicken wings--medium spicy!"


----------



## Lossen Vana

I Want CHEESY POOFS!!!! he screamed.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Treebeard stepped on Cartman and squashed him. Sam dumped the box of dirt Galadriel gave him down Bob's throat, and his tongue grew back.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

legolas preformed Silmarillion: The Musical nude too


----------



## HobbitGirl

Legolas's performance was broadcast all over the galaxy, and Bob died because there were too many high kicks.


----------



## Wolfshead

And when Legolas realised he had infact married his sister, he went and threw himself into Mount Doom. This simple act made the world happy, well, the male half anyway, the women were left unconsolable.

Bob went away to find some way to bring himself back to life again.


----------



## HLGStrider

He found that by drinking from the fountain of youth he could become an infant but not an adults. So he came back as an infant.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but Bob was depressed...he hated not being able to talk


----------



## HLGStrider

so he threw all his baby food on the floor. 

A passing pedestrian tripped on it and took Bob to court. Bob's lawyer was the toothfairy.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Which then turned into a whole army of nude Legolases.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which is a nastty picture


----------



## Wonko The Sane

To crazy people.

And the Almighty Bob descended unto them and presented his 12th commandment: Thou shalt love Legolas, and he shalt be dubbed Sexiful Bit of Elf-Crumpet


----------



## Aulë

OOC: Wonks! You have ruined my dinner! Arrrg!
*gags*

And then the 7 plagues of Bob befell Middle Earth!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And they were, in order of descent:

1) Marmalade
2) Orange Microwave ovens dubbed, "The Fighting Irish"
3) Naked hairy dwarves
4) Chicken
5) Erotically shaped candles
6) Smelly Cheese
and
7) The French


----------



## Aulë

"Arrrg!" yelled the army of naked Sexiful Bit of Elf-Crumpet Legolas's!
"Anything but the French!!!"

And to their horror, the French began throwing farm animals at all the Legolas's, and started calling them uncouth names


----------



## Wonko The Sane

In response to which Bob threw more of his plagues upon them.


----------



## Aulë

Then the Legolas's saw the hairy dwarves, making them all blind.

"Our eyes have been soiled!" they cried.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And while they were blind they tried to spread marmalade on their toast.

And instead spread Brie all over the hairy dwarves and the French.


----------



## Aulë

Then the erotically shaped candles fell onto the dwarves, and made them all horny!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At which point everyone realised things were rapidly digressing into something quite rude and tasteless.

At which point Bob kindly sent the plague of darkness, shut off the lights, and left them all to it.

Unfortunately, as it was dark nobody knows what happened for sure.

And I for one went to sleep and dreamt of naked orcs.

Night all!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and everyone shuddered and changed the plot line to dancing unicorn and Bob's travels to Gula gula island


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Bob met Gilligan and the skipper. A millioniar and his wife. A movie star, the professior and Mary ann. And they were standed on the island.


----------



## HLGStrider

blah blah blah... Keep it clean now. Elgee said, adjusting her glasses.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar seconded Elgee's notion switching dark queen scepter from hand to hand.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Bob then desided to go over and see the professior. He would solve all the not cleaness on the island.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

the dark queen acompanied bob


----------



## HLGStrider

The Dark Queen and Bob met with the professor who said in a French Accent,
"Do not climb the ladder to doom with a bimb."
"A bimb?" inquired Tar.
"Yes, a bimb. Were you expecting one?"

IT WAS INSPECTOR CLOUSOU!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar nodded and decided that the inspector was a failure, then she and bob moved on.


----------



## Lossen Vana

So the old inspecter was replaced by a new model. Inspecter Gadget.


----------



## HLGStrider

Gadget was assigned to watch over President Kenedy during a famous speech.

"Ask not what your country can do for you," said Kennedy. "That's a stupid question. If I catch you asking it again I'll send you to your room. If I told you once I've told you a thousand times, don't exaggerate. The questions isn't what your country can do for you. For gosh sakes, you country has a trillion dollar budget. It can do just about whatever it wants to! Now don't give me any of that lip, young man. 
We have nothing to fear besides fear itself and some raging, foaming at the mouth oliphants with nuclear war heads. 
A house divided against itself cannot stand unless supported by steel girters.
Now is our finest hour. Never have so many taken so much from so few."


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Baluga.


----------



## HLGStrider

"BABY BALUGA IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA! SWIM SO WILD AND YOU SWIM SO FREE!"

Kenedy started to sing with Raffi.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then Willy the famous Orca swam up and ate bob.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then millions of crazed loonies ran to the thingy and siad,

"AIIIEEE"


----------



## Wolfshead

Then all the crazed people, who are also known as elves, spotted the Balrog they were supposed to be "Aiee-ing" and, so they "Aiee-ed" again and again and again until they were eaten by a small mushroom.

Page 99. Almost into treble figures!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Bob shouted:

WARGS OF THE WORLD UNTIE!!!!

Which was strange in and of itself, but most people assumed he meant "unite" and moved on with it.

He didn't though. He really did mean untie.


----------



## Lossen Vana

So the Wargs untied all there shoe laces and then bob tied then all together so that when they walked the wargs fell flat on there faces!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then the Wargs bit the shoelaces and mauled Bob for his stupid command.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob got plastic surgury and looked like Clark Kent.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Dean Cain or Christopher Reeves?

It's an important question!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

i think it was...but bob did nto finish his sentence as he was to busy playin with a warg cub


----------



## Lossen Vana

Who desided that Bob made a good pasifier and stuck him in his mouth, ruining the plasic sergery.


----------



## HLGStrider

Dean Cain and Chris Reeves were walking along when they saw Bob being chewed up.

"How odd," said Dean.
"Quite," said Chirs.

They walked on.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At which point it was determined that Bob had plastic surgery to look like Dean Cain and it was also determined that Christopher Reeves could not, in fact, have walked by being of course a quadrapolegic.

And so Bob looked like Dean Cain and got majorly glomped for being so sexy.


----------



## HLGStrider

But Chris now is able to walk becuase Elgee said he could and Elgee is powerful.


----------



## Aulë

And so Chris began to walk, but to Elgee's horror, he began to walk towards her!
"Come here my pretty!" he cackled, "I want you to become my personal jester, and to entertain me all day! Mwhahahaha!"


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and then a monkey with a little red hat came out and slapped chris because he was the jester, and hadn't been given two weeks notice...


YAY, i started the 100th page
*begins a party*


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which sucked because really that stupid monkey was too fat and ugly to ever amount to anything more than...well...a trained monkey.

So it went and shot itself.


----------



## Aulë

And so Elgee was forced to become Chris's jester, and she had to wear one of those silly hats with the bells on it.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And upon seeing this and how cute it was the monkey reanimated itself so it could shoot itself all over again.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee liked the bells, however. She shook her head so they would ring again and again and again.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob begins to feel woosey....and falls over..


----------



## Wonko The Sane

At which point the monkey reanimates itself...dances to the bells...cries...and then guts itself with a fish knife.


----------



## Aulë

Then a spunky looking knight who had his underpants on the outside came to rescue Elgee from the Wicked Chris from the West.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was generally regarded as a bad move by all.

So the knight was charged with disturbing the peace and thrown in the hoosegow.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Janis, god of past/future did the cancan on the table so he could qualify as a deity and give bob worser luck


----------



## Lossen Vana

And he got the bad luck...these posts just kept going on and on and...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

this is the song that doesnt end...


----------



## Lossen Vana

I know a song that gets on everybodys nerves...


----------



## HLGStrider

I know that one too!

'FEELINGS!" Bob sings while the monkey's ghost begs for mercy.


----------



## Lossen Vana

Then bob to tourture the monkeys ghost more dresses up in a barney suit and sings the "I love you song"


----------



## HLGStrider

NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Then the monkey's ghost tries to strangle the girl in the jester's cap.


----------



## HLGStrider

but she was too all powerful. She overcame him and read him her novels.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the monkey reanimated and then killed himself again.


----------



## HLGStrider

The monkey disappeared without a trace and Elgee started to play Mancala against Bob.


----------



## Aulë

Then the knight with his underpants on the outside reappeared, and he tried to carry Elgee out of the castle. But then she saw that that knight was RangerDave!
"Arrrrrg!," she cried, "Anyone but you!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and Tar, who had just turned in her application form to the diets and joined said bob had no reason to live and we should let him die for good.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

So Ol'Gaffer came and pushed Bob down a bottomless hole. Then, he swept Tar from her feet, gave her a big wet one and dissappeared before anyone noticed a thing.


----------



## HLGStrider

Tar rinsed her mouth with propane.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but really none of that ever, ever, ever ever....happend!


----------



## HLGStrider

Which is a good thing, because if the Korean Boy Friend had seen it he may have just given bodily harm to Ol Gaffer.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

OOC:That is so true!

and bob melted into a puddle of jellopudding


----------



## Ol'gaffer

OOC:I thought that the korean boy fiend had been long since banished into the dark realm of "Bold and the Beautiful" re-runs.
If that's not the case the Gaffer just has to do it himself. 

IC: After wich bob was gathered by 5 foot infants for dessert.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the giant babies got gas and no one wants to mess with unhappy giant babies. There was no one big and tall enough to burp them. Bob shivered into his puddly self. 

Just then the radio began to play Purple People Eater!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:Stop insulting my korean BF or i'll electrocute you Ol' gaffer!

IC: and old gaffer died leaving bob a lonely husband.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob hadn't even known he was married. He spent a while reading family records to figure out who his wife was. . . and praying it wasn't Ol Gaffer.


----------



## Rogue666666

Unfortunately, it was the old Gaffer.

So, Bob stuck a 12 guage shotgun down his throat, but coudn't pull the trigger because he was choking. 

Another failed suicide attempt.


----------



## Aulë

Elgee then reappeared, and started canoodling with Bob.
The evil emporer Chris did not like that though, since he wanted Elgee for himself. So he got out his cat-o-nine-tails and started whipping por Bob.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

OOC: Leave the Gaffer alone and the Gaffer will leave poor Tars korean bf alone and will stop talking about himself in 3rd person!.

IC: Gaffer indeed was not Bobs husband nor was he in any way aquainted with Bob, no one really new what purpose Gaffer had in this pointless tale, so Gaffer left to bother someone else at some ball for some miss TTf. 

meanwhile Bob decided to try jumping off a cliff.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc:Truce

and ol'gaffer disapeered from the story.


----------



## Rogue666666

Bob DID jump off a cliff, but when he hit the ground he bounced and the whole earth rippled. That is when he realized he had lived his whole life, not only in a matrix, but in a matrix within a matrix within a matrix to 10 to the 23 power. Or a billion trillion matrixes. 


Which was fine with bob, cuase he really didn't care if some machine he knew nothing about sucked the living juice out of him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then agent smith dressed as Lord Elrond said to bob(who he thought was frodo)"I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Frodo Baggins"


----------



## HLGStrider

"No you won't because we all know you are as blind as a bat. You are reading that book upside down!"

And Agent Smith was revealed to be Marilyn Monroe.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which really freaked bob out because he knew this was no pepsi twist commercial!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which really freaked bob out because he knew this was no pepsi twist commercial!


----------



## Wolfshead

It was actually an advert for Citroen cars. Which has Marilyn Munroe in it. Personally, I wasn't aware she was doing TV anymore. I always thought she was dead...

Anyway, Bob, in a moment of desperation, shot himself in the foot with a nail gun. It hurt.


----------



## HLGStrider

TWISTING! SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT1
Someone yelled.

But Bob's feet were nailed to the floor so he couldn't shake effectively. He again posed for Mary Engelbriet.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and out of no-where a very bright flash brought blindness onto all


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

and everyone had a bowl of Ramen in their hands!!


----------



## HLGStrider

This was a major tourist attraction. Giraffes came to drink the Raman with twisty straws and listen to lectures by Vaschnita Vaschnorkal, the underwater explorer and crazed nuclear-paleono-botanist.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

And then Inuyasha being enraged at the Ramen eaters began to chop at bob with Tessaiga


----------



## Rogue666666

Then Bob got confused by all these silly names, so he pulled a rabbit out of his hat, and shot it through the knee caps. That's when it confessed to bieng a Nazi spy. So bob strung the rabbit up by its ears and beat it with a baseball bat like a pinyata. 


(Stop me when I'm getting to graphic for you.)


----------



## Aulë

Then a band of Darth Vadar's stormtroopers came along and killed Bob.
Because of this, Bob and all his heirs were dead.
NO MORE BOB!

Instead, we shall now concentrate on someone called "Tar-Ancalime"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but that was a total lie and Bob fell down the rabbit hole just like Alice in wonderland, In fact, Bob even looked like alice...it was wierd.


----------



## HLGStrider

Because Bob just didn't look good in blue and white checks. He landed at the bottom ontop of Dorthey who said she wasn't in Kansas anymore.
"No, you're in Arkansas," said Hillary. "Would you like some vegemite?"

"No," frowned Elgee's half-Aussie acquaintance. "Yanks can't eat Vegemite."

"Yes we can!" said Elgee. She took a bite, winced, and said, "No we can't."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Tar rode in and shot hillary clinton, sleezy dems like her didnt deserve to live.


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

then everyone started singing "gimme a brake, gimme a brake, brake me off a piece of that Kit-kat bar!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Everybody but Tar and Hillary who were riding off into the sunset, Hillary tied to the backside of Tar's horse. Tar took Hillary to the great barier reef and set up a business selling opportunities to dunk Hillary under the water. Tar became a millionaire.

This made Bob very mad.

"This is my story!" he cried. "Mine! I'm the hero! I deserve to be the millionaire! Not Tar and definatly not Hillary!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"WEll it can be TAr's story.." said a randome person in audience...


----------



## HLGStrider

"No!" Bob wept. "It is my story! MINE! ALL MINE!"

He threw himself down, kicking and screaming. The MSN messenger Green dude hit him over the head with an emoticon.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"it is tar's story!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was too dizzy to answer. The MSN Dude filled Bob's stomach with butterflies.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which had lava lamps for eyes.


----------



## HLGStrider

and light bulbs for feet.

AND THEY TICKLED!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

like bob felt when being ticked by california gals a couple hundred pages back


----------



## HLGStrider

considering they'd only gone 104 pages Bob was convinced it wasn't a couple hundred pages back and he said so.

When he opened him mouth all the butterflies escaped and fly across Arizona twinkling and tickling anyone who dared to go outside wearing a plaid, string bikini.


----------



## Elbereth

Then Bob woke up and realized that it was all a horrible dream.


----------



## HLGStrider

At least that was what he thought until a dozen vultures rested on the foot of his bed. Then he realized that _this_ was a terrible dream.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Then Bob realized he didn't know what plane of reality he existed on, and that every person writing this story was one of the Dietys, as they controlled Bob's life and afterlife. So Bob applied to be a Diety so that he might have more control over his existance.


----------



## HLGStrider

But he didn't have enough zits so they rejected him.

He went out and ate chocolate.


----------



## Aulë

And ate so much that he turned into the glutinous little doughboy, Poppin' Fresh!!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was nasty because it was not fresj


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

then died...... when he woke up he asked the devil "why did I die, and why am I HERE???" 

The devil replied" Well my boy........


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

...your hear because your ear peers through shears underlying big tears."


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

in english means: your ugly. Then bob cry for 80 days and 80 nights... He and noah got 3 of every animal... (hey they can't count..)


----------



## Rogue666666

Noah then got on a space craft headed for space but was eaten by a black hole monster and then sent to Mars to find out were all the cheese on the moon had gone. He found a cow there which had overshot the moon somehow and took it to Jupiter were he was crushed by an atmosphere that was a million time more dense then Earths. As he left Jupiter, Noah and the cow realized how much weight they had lost, so they started their own intergalactic weight loss show, and Noah wrote a book entitled " Jupiter weight loss programs " and made a best selling DVD series on the subject. Finally he went into an alternate universe and found that the Human race was following the Seldon plan which was based on the Mathematical principles of Psychohistory which planned on setting up a Second Empire at the end of a thousand year period. Unfortunately this plan is interrupted by a bunch of Green Peace loonies who decide that the galaxy should be one living organism. SO Noah traveled back to his realm and spent all his royalties on the wieght loss program to helping the study of how squids reproduce. He then died at the age of 349 due to lung cancer even though the doctors had urged him to give up smoking cuban cigars.

So Noah's son continued on with the adventures of his father//// Hey! THIS STOY IS ABOUT BO- \\\\\ When Noah's son, Floah, went out into the ocean. ///////// WHAT ABOUT BOB???\\\\\

Huh? O yes, I remember, this story is about Bob. How could I forget. 

SO bob decided he wanted to become a real boy, and he went and made puppets for 32 years until nothing happened. He then was swallowed by a massive squid ( which thanks to researchers had grown to the size of an aircraft carrier). Their he met Jonah.

Jonah was also a biblical charachter who I will go into great detail about if someone doesnt stop me. 

(Baseballl bat flies out of nowhere and slams the writers head into a bloody pulp. From out of the silence comes a muffled laugh, and a glint of light shines on a cute little buny with a swastika branded on its hind quarters)


----------



## Rogue666666

Noah then got on a space craft headed for space but was eaten by a black hole monster and then sent to Mars to find out were all the cheese on the moon had gone. He found a cow there which had overshot the moon somehow and took it to Jupiter were he was crushed by an atmosphere that was a million time more dense then Earths. As he left Jupiter, Noah and the cow realized how much weight they had lost, so they started their own intergalactic weight loss show, and Noah wrote a book entitled " Jupiter weight loss programs " and made a best selling DVD series on the subject. Finally he went into an alternate universe and found that the Human race was following the Seldon plan which was based on the Mathematical principles of Psychohistory which planned on setting up a Second Empire at the end of a thousand year period. Unfortunately this plan is interrupted by a bunch of Green Peace loonies who decide that the galaxy should be one living organism. SO Noah traveled back to his realm and spent all his royalties on the wieght loss program to helping the study of how squids reproduce. He then died at the age of 349 due to lung cancer even though the doctors had urged him to give up smoking cuban cigars.

So Noah's son continued on with the adventures of his father//// Hey! THIS STOY IS ABOUT BO- \\\\\ When Noah's son, Floah, went out into the ocean. ///////// WHAT ABOUT BOB???\\\\\

Huh? O yes, I remember, this story is about Bob. How could I forget. 

SO bob decided he wanted to become a real boy, and he went and made puppets for 32 years until nothing happened. He then was swallowed by a massive squid ( which thanks to researchers had grown to the size of an aircraft carrier). Their he met Jonah.

Jonah was also a biblical charachter who I will go into great detail about if someone doesnt stop me. 

(Baseballl bat flies out of nowhere and slams the writers head into a bloody pulp. From out of the silence comes a muffled laugh, and a glint of light shines on a cute little buny with a swastika branded on its hind quarters)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then he became confused!


----------



## Ol'gaffer

Which caused his head to spin like the chick in the exorcist.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Bob woke up with a start--"Holy Hamfast 'Gaffer' Gamgee--I've been asleep for 11 days! Hmmm...what should I do?"


----------



## Wolfshead

Bob was painfully aware that he had no idea what to do. People had stopped making his life interesting days ago, and now he has nothing to do. So he did the only sensible thing, which was to lie down and cry.


----------



## Valdarmyr

And Bob cried himself to sleep. Then he woke up and said, "Oh no, not again...that's it...I'm never going to sleep again!" So he went to Starbucks and, one after another, quickly drank down 15 Arabian Mocha Sanani Lattes, each with a double espresso shot.


----------



## Wolfshead

Then Bob decided to take advantage of the kindly provided toilets in Starbucks.


----------



## Aulë

But he fell into the toilet, and was flushed into the sewer system.
A colony of Chuds captured him, and decided that he would do nicely for a pre-dinner snack.


----------



## Wolfshead

Whilst wondering what a chud was, Bob mairaculously escaped on the back of a camel which was on holiday in a nearby aqueduct.


----------



## Aulë

A chud is a 'cannibilistic humanoid underground dweller' 

As the camel escaped along the aqueduct, a giant mouse with wings grabbed it with its claws and took it to it's nest for dinner. Bob fell off the camel, and fell into a pile of Elgee's ear wax.

(ewwww)


----------



## Wolfshead

Whilst licking himself clean after this unfortunate incident, Bob was set upon by a gang of angry squirrels. They carried him off in a wheel barrow to their big tree. Coincidentally, the tree was also called Bob.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and bob was worshipped as "tree lord"


----------



## Valdarmyr

...until he stopped shaving, and people started calling him Treebeard...


----------



## Wolfshead

Then, Bob, in a wise move, decided to burn down the tree called Bob. Unfortunately, his beard and eyebrows got singed in the incident. And due to this burning act, the squirrels started chasing Bob towards a rainbow.


----------



## Aulë

There he met a group of leprachauns, and he decided to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with them!


----------



## Wolfshead

Between them, they all got very drunk and started singing a song about a happy little goblin. Then the happy little goblin amazingly materialised out of thin air and started hitting them all with sauce pans and coffee beans.


----------



## Tolkien Adictee

Bong! Just as the goblin whacked Bob he woke up, finding himself dressed in leprechaun clothes. "Uh oh," said Bob, realizing that he had fallen asleep in a leprechaun bar. He also found lipstick was all over his face...


----------



## HLGStrider

And Elgee woke up and said, "Huh? Where am I?"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Edward Norton hovered over her and said: Welcome to the jungle.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee looked around for Upton Sinclair. . .Or was it Sinclair Lewis? No. . .It was Upton Sinclair.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks wondered why in the world Elgee was breaking her own rule about letting herself be in Bob's story.


----------



## Aulë

And Pippin was glad that the story had died.


----------



## Ol'gaffer

And gaffer began to cover the area with duct tape.


----------



## Aulë

And Pippin added some postage stamps, and hoped that it would never return.


----------



## HobbitGirl

*Epilouge*

OOC: Elgee, do you really want to end this?

Seeing that the Final Farewell To Bob was approaching, a ghost in the manifestation of a Shakesperian actor walked between the fabric of the dimensions controlled by the Diets, the stage on which the Epic Tale of the Lives and Deaths of Bob the Great had been told. He came to center stage and spoke.

"It appears our tale is coming to and end. Therefore I will give the Epilouge as it was ordained in the Beggining of Time, when the Diets shaved thier heads and swore to uphold justice and peace in the multi-dimensional space-time continum. In accordance with the Prophecies." He cleared his throat. "Bob was a great....whatever he was, but whether Elf, Man, Dwarf, Hobbit, Maia, Vala, Diet, Rabbit, Deer, Harrison Ford, or Magdalainian he was Great. He did many things in his lifetime, and deathtime, and other lifetimes and deathtimes. Most of the things that he did and happened to him no one understands, not even the Diets, but we do know that he was one of the Great. If he was not such a pestulence at the same time that he was a blessing to Space-Time, the Diets would have made him a Diet. But the best they can do for him is to blink him out of existance. He will always be remembered, though, as the one who did so many crazy things not even he could keep track of them, and as the one who made us dig up the darkest dreams of our twisted imaginations. We shall never forget Bob. Honor to Bob, greatest of all RP characters!" 

Confetti streamed down from nowhere, and the Shakesperian ghost bowed. He exited, and the lights went dim on the stage of Bob's existance.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then Bob said, "Wait, I'm not dead yet!"


----------



## Aulë

*thwacks Valdarmyr on the head*

Pippin then shot Bob dead with a sniper rifle, and Bob was then buried.

THE END.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Bob woke up the next morning in a coffin with a headache and 3rd degree burns.

This time instead of shouting and drawing murderous attention, he quietly tunneled out of his grave and popped up in Figi where a doctor bandaged him and he lay in the sun all day drinking Mai-Tai's and Pina Coladas.


----------



## Aulë

Wonks, what part of "The End" don't you understand? 

Then Bob was attacked and eaten by an army of Chuds.


----------



## Vixen Evenstar

..his mangled remains where then tossed into a witches cauldren where she cast a spell that if he should ever come to life again he would be slowly and painfully nibbled to death by ducks...


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob took off in the Spruce Goose with Howard Hughes to go by some Squeeky Cheese at Tillamook. It was very cold and rainy so he went to the Air Museum, traded the Goose in for a Corsair and took off to fight against the Wizard of Oz.


----------



## Tolkien Adictee

Unfortunately his plan failed. He sighed and went home. He put his feet up on his cat and started humming 'Home on the Range'. He took up a mandolin and threw it in the fireplace. But that opened up a secret passage, so Bob filled it up with macaroni and cheese. He sat down again but the couch came out under him and he was in a spaceship. Cool! He flew the spaceship to Mars and met a martian and said hello. The martian shot Bob with a teleporter ray and he went flying through time and into the future. There, he was put in jail for the murder of Amanda Bynes. A monkey came from the Gaurd's pants and spat in Bob's face. Bob broke through the bars and into the mote...


----------



## Aulë

And was rudely surprised when he discovered that the moat was filled with concentrated Hydrochloric Acid!
Bob dissolved into nothiness, and was NEVER seen again.

The End 

(My God! I'm turning into Tar!!! )


----------



## Wolfshead

And so Bob was confused. Why were people continuously wanting to end his life? Was it something he said? Something he did?


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

then he randomly apeared in lewis carrol's Alic in wonderland FAR away from all people that would do him harm. for some reason a red-eyed duck was following him.....


----------



## Vixen Evenstar

...the demon duck ripped him apart and Alice found him later on and screamed really loud....


----------



## HLGStrider

The mods swept in like a cloud of locust and corrected an inappropriate post so that the game could continue. . .horray!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and the lord said unto moses: Thou shall do my wonders with thou's staff


----------



## Vixen Evenstar

and moses said, "woops! Sorry God, i lost it awhile back while tending the sheep"

ooc: whats this bible rp now??


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"you damn ingrate!" God said and stormed off...


----------



## HLGStrider

Moses opened up a miniture golf course and gave away free lollipops to the first hundred customers. However, these lollipops were laced with mind control toothpaste. The poor customers became obsessed with cobras. . .the sports car, not the snake. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Pharoh said unto moses, "I will make your people build the mountain of gods at your park!" and he was like (moses) "hell no ramses let my peple go!"


----------



## Aulë

Then crazy ol' Elgee reappeared, weilding a sniper rifle.
"I shall get you, my pretties, revenge shall be mine!!!" she cackle hysterically.


----------



## Valdarmyr

But wait, Elgee had forgotten to buy gun oil, and lo, to fulfil the prophecy, she went back to Billy Bob's Gun-O-Rama, and in the meantime (in between time), Moses took Bob up unto the Mount. And thereth, the Lord sayeth unto him that hath dieth so many times, "Bob, I this day create an 11th Commandment. Thou that is called Bob shalt never die again." But alas, it was just a dream, and Bob woke up. And for some strange reason, 'cause he was still kinda in a dream frame of mind, Bob said to no one in particular, "I shall now read from Ecclesiastes 10, Jackson 5."


----------



## Aulë

And then a talking sausage-dog called Duschinka came along and told Bob that this is a Light-hearted story, and that religion ought not be brought into it.
Duschinka then took Bob for a ride in his U-Boat to the seaside.


----------



## Tolkien Adictee

Sorry, bout my post. 

IC: The boat sank and bob was forced to swim to shore. When he arrived wet, he sat down and started to play Cranium. Bob, put away the game and headed towards camp Sasamat. There he went to sleep under a canoe. He awoke in the morning to find three small spiders in his mouth. He spat them out and ran screaming into a totem pole. A bear found him and ate him. Although again Bob woke up and found himself in bed. "I getting really sick of this dying, then waking up in bed thing". So Bob decided he would never leave his bed. So God poured hot molasess on Bob. Bob had to leave the house. Unfortunately, he found he was in a different house. And there was the bear from camp. "Somebodies been sitting in my chair". Bob, realised he was dressed in girl clothes and he had a blonde wig on. _UH OH_ thought Bob. He ran up stairs and out the window. He landed in a frying pan and thought, _Now this is ridiculous_...


----------



## HLGStrider

The trolls picked him up and gazed at him hungrily. They were about to eat Bob when a police man rushed in and arrested Bob for murder in the 42nd degree. It turns out that Bob had once knocked a rock down a hill and that rock had spooked a butterfly who had flown to hide in a nearby swamp and was there devoured by a friendly frog named Alf. However, this had been a poisoness butterfly and Alf died a miserable death. His smelly carcass had been deposited in a nearby ravine when a young girl tripped on it, knocking down another rock ontop of an SUV. The suv unwittingly took the rock to Dover where the SUV crashed and went off the cliffs. It landed next to a shark who ate the tires and developed a serious case of hicups. 
The hicuping shark swam to Atlanta and went up river to go to a Braves game. However, once there he started hiccuping so badly that he ruined Chipper Jones's swing and the ball flew up over the foul zone, hit the moon, and caused the earth's tides to alter dramatically.
When this happened John Smith was unable to go to the beach so he stayed home and watched "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" but was so annoyed by it that he switched to Fox news where Bill O'Rielly was talking with Bill Clinton. The Shepherd Smith came on and since he was so undeniably handsome John's wife fainted. She tipped over a plate of hot greese which burned through the floor and made the house catch on fire. Their pet Chiwauwau was killed and the blaze and the police, after serious investigation, discovered it was all Bob's fault!


(hey, at least it is long!)


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

He went into the fridge to get a glass of milk, but then.... OH NO, he forgot, HE IS A BOB! and everyone knows that bobs cant drink milk when they have dreams that they die in,SOOOO bob decides that he should drink the glowing stuff in the sink, and yes he turned into P-chan from ramna 1/2. then he sat there for the rest of his days eating ramen......


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Roxie Hart and Velma kelly began tap dancing in the middle of the chaos


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Roxie Hart and Velma kelly began tap dancing in the middle of the chaos. Then INuyasha stole Bob's ramen and kagome sat him several times. Miroku strode in to find Sango so he could feel her up.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Godzilla appeared and ate the trolls and the police man and all the Raman.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

And inuyasha swore to take revenge on the lifting of the ramen, he used bob as a shield.


----------



## Dain Ironfoot

then the ace of spades had shown up to paint the hearts white, but the white rabbit told him he was late for the poka in valhalla...... But then Odin informed the group that Ragnarok was upon then...


----------



## HLGStrider

Which of course he wasn't and Thor fell into the Raman due to this disinformation where he was quickly beset by Zues and Jupiter at the same time. . .which was very confusing considering they were the same person.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and Ryoga got hopelssly lost in all the chaos, and found himself stuck inside a bonsai tree being taken care of by ed.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Ed grew a third arm and started to feel up the plant while talking to his new guest.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Ryoga and the Bonsai tree were very cocerned and wondered what on earth ed was doing to them.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Ed messed up the entire route and had two weeks worth of overcode and the people threatened to kick Wonder Bread out but didn't because Rob came back, and he is such a great Wonder Bread man.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Jet came and saw what happend to his Bonsai trees....needless to say it was ugly.

Meanwhile....

Miroku and Sango were begining to have a heart to heart discussion followed by a very WAFFY moment, BUT miroku had to feel Sango's rear and that was totally spoiled.

During this strange snippit...

Inuyasha and Kikyo were caught making out together by Kagome, Kagome was devestated. Inuyasha wondered why?

Also happeing during this scene...

Shippo began to russian dance on Sessomaru's head....wait thats Rin on Sessy's head!


----------



## HLGStrider

That was just too odd. . .Somebody in the back row fainted.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"KUKUKUKUKUKU! that was my evil plan to make you all confused!" Bob said while he was being chased down by Kenshin.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Egwene and Elayne were very confused by all these Japanese names, and decided they would rename everything in a Wheel of Time fashion. Soon Hobbit Girl's name was changed to Hobbit da'Mirei, and this made her very angry. She asked her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart to do something about it. The gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart talked to Rand, but Rand misenterpreted him. Rand just went crazy and called down lightning to destroy Arad Doman. Darn Domanis, they deserved it, with thier skintight see-through clothes. Yuk.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"NO YOU DONT!" said bob, "WE like funny japanese names more!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Then Bob screamed "LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!"


----------



## omnipotent_elf

which was very strange as he was eating a big pink jellybean at the time. Bob saw the skin tight clothes of the domani and got very excited........


----------



## HLGStrider

Then he tied him to a wall, stuck a funnel in his mouth, and force fed him saurkraut until he was twenty-six and a half years old.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than INuyshas came back and said, "No one can defate I Inuysah!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then she beat him with a chain and made him call her mistress.

Just like those annoying people next door to us in the Bath hotel.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

needless to say inuyasha was not very thrilled with begin chained and rebeled


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and was utterly disgusted when some commented correctly "hey, you got weazels on your face"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

INuyasha then yelled, "You are worse than kikyo, Naraku, and sessomaru combined. I'll kill u all!" Inuyasha broke his chains and brought out is sword tessaiga


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob ate buttery popcorn as he watched.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

He sliced his captors into little tiny bits, and got a couple shikon jewel shards too. Kagome gave him a congradulatory kiss. then kikyo came...


----------



## HobbitGirl

And Kikyo was struck down with a lightning bolt called down by Rand. Why? Because Rand is crazy. Totally crazy. And it's a real shame too, cause the fate of the world rests on his shoulders.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Tar rejoiced at the demise of kikyo (you know tar just hates kikyo) Inuyasha wasnt thrilled by it but he'd live.


----------



## HLGStrider

Gosh all mighty, Bob said.

He then ate some gum drops and a large bowl of chilli and two tacos and a bean buritto and a bowl of saurcraut.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

and swelled up like a balloon, which was nifty as zebras came riding by, and some hours later, Bob turned into the first ever bareback zebra rider....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was atttacked by Lord Sessomaru.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Then Dart arrived on the scene, in all his Dragoonish glory, and he slew all the Balrogs with a wave of his hand. And all the ladies swooned, and some fainted, because for a video game character, Dart was HOT!


----------



## HLGStrider

In fact he was so hot that the entire field of corn next door started popping.

"GOODIE!" Shrieked Bob. He ran around sprinkling salt and butter on it all.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sessomaru yelled to dart,

"I'm the very pinnacle of perfection and so much cuter than you are. I will relieve you of your misery and kill you!" Rin, his almost daughter like human companion said,

"Sessomaru-sama gonna kill you."


----------



## HobbitGirl

Dart just gave the crazy Japanese dude a funny look when he threatened him. "You cannot kill a Dragoon!" Dart chuckled. He flew out of Sessomaru's reach. And yes, he could fly. Dragoons have wings. Dart stuck his tounge out at Sessomaru as he flew around.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob started hopping around singing "Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunning trail, hippity hoppity hippity hoppity Easters on its way!"

Then Julian Bashir hit him over the head with a crow bar and Dax wasn't sure who he . ..or she. . . was. 

That was why it turned out the large globe on the top of Professor Plumb's desk was a giant orange which started to develop aggressive tendencies. It was not due to the radio activity coming off the nearby UFO that was assimulating a field of Holstiens in order to make good Tillomook cheeses and fly off to Mars.


----------



## HobbitGirl

"TILLOMOOK!!" Bob screamed, and hurled himself onto the chessy delights. He tore at the cheese rabidly, and no matter what anyone said, he would not stop laughing with his mouth full. He ate and ate and ate, until he was roughly the size of a Goodyear blimp, and even then he wouldn't have stopped eating unless Cloud and Tifa hadn't hoisted him up onto Captain Domon's ship and sailed him away to the Sea of Storms.

Elsewhere and at the same time, Nynaeve was battling the giant orange that had agressive tentancies. The giant orange was winning until Nynaeve used Balefire on it. Then the giant orange no longer existed. "Eeeeexcellent," cackled Nynaeve.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sessomaru camly laughed, "I am no human, I am of demon conception. Unlike my wretched half brother, I have true power!" AS sessomaru said this he went into his true demon form, a gigantic dog with poisonous breath, "prepare to die, all of you"


----------



## HobbitGirl

Dart was almost worried when Sessomaru transformed. Almost. But Dart was already transformed into his Dragoon form, and he had not even begun to display his power. Dart rapped his magic armour with his sword, making sure everything was in place. Then he smacked himself for ever doubting Dragoon armour. "Bring it on, homey!" Dart said to Sessomaru. This was definitly going to be an epic battle.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc: Oh this'll be fun

Then Sessomaru ran towards Dragoon and slashed at him with his terrible claws. But dragoon said, "Ha you missed ya slow poke" Jaken, who is sessy's ugly servant said, "How dare you!" But sessomaru was less angerd and panted his posionous breath on the battle ground


----------



## HobbitGirl

Dart the Fire Dragoon flapped upward, avoiding the poisonous breath. He then dove at Sessomaru, slashing spiffily with his superly cool sword. The demon dog dude rolled out of the way of Dart's slashes, so Dart flew a little ways above him to prepare for his next attack. He sheathed his sword, put his hands together, and when he drew them apart, a huge fireball was between them. The fireball hung suspended in midair, then Dart punched it, sending it flying at breakneck speed straight towards Sessomaru.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but sessomaru eliminated the fire ball with his whip. He then jumped towards Dragoon with intense ferocity , knocking the super cool sword out of his hand . He flew backa way from dragoon takking his sword and changing into his much prettier human form. "now that the battle is equal let us fight."


----------



## HobbitGirl

Dart smirked. "Okay," he said. Before the other dude could do anything, Dart was flinging fireballs left and right at him, and the air was full of fire. Dart flapped up a ways and put his hands toward Sessomaru, and a wall of flame surrounded him and began to close in.

OOC: Eek, I gotta go to bed now. We'll continue tomorrow.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but this did not remotely frighten sessomaru. He glided his way out of the enclosing cirle and waited for the battle to continure

ooc: anyone else it would be polite not to interupit this


----------



## HobbitGirl

Dart was mad. This Sessomaru guy was a jerk. How could he just glide through a circle of fire? No matter. This time Dart put his hands toward the Japanese dude, and fire completely enveloped him. It was on all sides, above and below as well. Sessy was totally trapped within the scorching blaze. Not even this superly jerky demon dude could stand up to Dragoon fire from all sides. So ha!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But unbeknownest to Dragoon person sessy completely flew away far above darts head, "You underestimate my abilites." Then Sessomaru got out his whip and hit it towards Dart. He tried to block it but it got dart in the cheek. Sessomaru then zipped and punched dart with his poison claw.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bob wept because this wasn't funny at all and only vaguely ridiculous.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

a big hand of god came from a cloud and pointed at bob, saying in a low menacing vioce "it was rude to interupt, you will surely pay"


----------



## Ol'gaffer

And then nudged bob off a cliff. "Much better" he said in an omnipotent voice.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Baghdad Bob, er I mean Bob plummeted to the bottom of the cliff  and boom, he fell straight on a rock . But actually it was more like boing-oing-oing, because strangely enough, the rock was made of rubber, sort of soft rubber, so it bounced three times like that!?  Bob boing-oing-oinged up and--Whoa, Keanu fans  --he landed behind the counter of a McDonalds, where he started taking drive-thru orders .


----------



## HLGStrider

Then he was attacked by a sacred cow named Amy with a PVC pipe.


----------



## Tolkien Adictee

Fortunately, Bob's skull was sooo thick, that the pipe broke over his head. Bob threw a hamburger in Amy's mouth, and she ran away coughing and hissing. Then he ran through the wall into Farmer John's house. Once inside, he hid under the bed. But it broke throught the floor and he fell onto a couch, then the bed landed on him. He didn't die but he was really hurt. Suddenly in walk a camera crew and some actors dresed as doctors. Yelling things like "Stat!," and "Clear!," and "I need 10 CCs!," and all that other stuff that is used on ER. Bob found thisvery annoying so he got up and hopped away on the pogo stick he borrowed from Adam Sandler. He arrived at Disneyland and went on all the rides... twice. Then, after that, he bought a ticket to Japan. Although, it wasn't a plane ticket. He had to ride in a small, smelly boat. He awoke in the small, smelly boat and found that he had slept pass 6:00! He had to get to work. Then he remembered he ahd been fired years ago for mental health issues. He walked around Japan for a while, wondering why everyone kept saying they were from Ohio. He didn't have anywere to sleep, so he bought a cardboard box. He also bought a hamburger. After eating it he swore he would never eat meat again. He called his dad on his cell phone, yes his cell phone (he had been put in jail for begging), and asked him to get him out of there. So, his dad flew in his spandex and cape and picked Bob up and flew him to Chicago. After watching Chicago, Bob left the theatre and asked if he could be flown home. "Sure," said his dad, picking up Bob and flying away into the distance. They were, however, sucked into a jet intake and forced to make an emergency landing in Hawii. Bob didn't mind though. Finally, after arriving home, he collpased on the couch and flipped on the TV. The news was on, and the newscaster was saying, "A bird flew into a jet intake three days ago, this unfortunately created a fatal problem. The plane went down near the Hawian islands...". Bob, felt he had to do something, so he played monopoly, then he went to his time machine! He got in and set it for three days. WHAM! He was hit by the jet. He sent himself back four days this time, and he was pleased to find himself in "Chicago". He ran outside only to step in a small child's icecream. He bought the kid another icecream and headed for his limo...


----------



## Valdarmyr

...and who should be in the limo but Viggo Mortensen, broken tooth and all! And Bob asked Viggo, "Aragorn to the airport?" And Viggo said, "Maybe, but you're not gorn anywhere!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Which turned out to be occupied by Micheal Jordan; a smaller man with a goatee, sunglasses, and a red kilt; and a girl named Maria who was taking a letter addressed to the goatted fellow's wife with sort of a salsa beat in the background.
"Um. . .this isn't the way to San Jose? Is it?" Bob swallowed.


----------



## Valdarmyr

So Bob, Viggo, MJ, Goatee Man and Maria are all in the limo, enjoying the sassy Salsa beat and gazing out the limo windows at the passers-by, but nobody can see in, and they laugh about this insouciantly, all except Viggo, who's a man of the people, they're his people, and he shall die as one of them, or so he says in the heat of the moment before battle. Bob's a huge LOTR fan who loved FOTR but thought PJ took too many liberties with TTT, and he knows Viggo's a great actor, so they do a little riff on "Young Frankenstein"...

Bob: "Viggo to airport now?"
Viggo: "Why are you talking like that?"
Bob: "I thought you wanted to."
Viggo: "No."
Bob: "Suit yourself...I'm easy."


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the horses neighed harshly and they put the candle BACH!


----------



## omnipotent_elf

which caused a very large fat cat to sit on bob...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"but to look on the non existing serious side of this tale, it is entirely fascinating to see how many times one can die, be brought back to life and what you can see." Said the announcer who was picking his toes.


----------



## Wolfshead

Then his toes turned green, fell off and spontaneously combusted. Much to his annoyance.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Grrr....... GIVE ME MITOS
the almighty peanut wishes to be minty 
WICCA WICCA WHAT WHAT 
you dieny me the FRESHMAKER
Wait a cottion picking minute you will not sink my cheerio you are all zombie thigh fat people whell ehh that lipstick is the wrong color on you.........................
OH MY GOD TIMMY'S IN TROUBLE 
CITIZENS OF MARS IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MEET I WILL DEPRIVE YOU OF YOUR SO CALLED "PREPERATION H"
CHILDREN EAT YOUR SIBLINGS
*tar isn't responsible for this reoko got on her name and is now on the floor demanding the dustmites obey her every command*


----------



## HLGStrider

Serves her right for telling Romeo to get lost and go jump in a lake. The poor boy did it and now he is at the bottom being forced to play poker against a giant squid and Han Solo, and we all know that that squid is really Harry in disguise.

Do you know what the trouble with Harry is?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

He happend to meet sally? a random audience member guessed


----------



## HLGStrider

No, but I'll give you a hint. It involved blue ketchup, a rabbit named Jorge, and a dog with a goatcart full of trombones. . .76 trombones to be exact.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and all the people gossiped about lovesick boy who had crush on his x girlfriene


----------



## HLGStrider

So he attacked them with a blow dryer and buffed all their CD's with a tissue paper bunny rabbit named Alf.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then a brave voice cried out of the blue, "STOP!"


----------



## HLGStrider

This was for the obvious reason that the light was red now. Then the light turned green and the dogs went. GO DOGS GO!

They went to the tree to the dog party and yes, he liked her hat, and Winnie The Pooh caught a heffalump using a baloon for bait, but he didn't know who his mother was so he ran off with a snort to where the Wild Things were. Once there he took his purple crayon and drew a Grinch.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Hey arent grinches green?" a confused audeince member asked then *drumroll* came *drumrolll* MR. KNOW IT ALL MAN!

"actually while most are green some can be purple..." and he sort a went on and on.


----------



## HLGStrider

Until he was sunk by a Tomahock missle.


----------



## Wolfshead

Except this missile had a modification! It dispensed a clone of George Bush which then went around hitting people on the sinking ship with a rubber mallet, telling them to be more patriotic.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then he realised he was fat and hairy and so he took of his shirt and showed everybody.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

which drewgasps from th crowd, before one very weedy, gangly indiviual from a nearby crowd shouted "that looks exactly like the chest of an actor who played hamlet in a live preformance i once saw ". The crowd, upon hearing this began reciting versions of rosencrazt and guilderstien are dead....................


----------



## Wonko The Sane

....Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...


----------



## HLGStrider

Julie Andrew's shrieked and hit someone over the head with a computer speaker. Fortunately it was the little kind, one of those shaped like an apanana, a mix between and apple and a bannana. Unfortunately the person she'd hit turned out to be. . .


----------



## Aulë

...Russell Crowe!
"I'll get you for that!" he yelled, and proceded to beat Julie Andrews to a pulp.
Russell the hopped onto his tugboat "Tugga", and set off to China to beat up some more people, whilst singing songs and acting in movies.


----------



## Wolfshead

Except it turned out not to be Russell Crowe at all, it was infact, John Culshaw! Whom only Brits will recognise, but never mind. After finishing his Russell Crowe impression, he moved onto doing Tom Baker and frightened some passers by. They thought he was trying to save the world again... Many years after Dr Who was thought to have died!


----------



## tookish-girl

Which of course, suprised passers by even more when he actually _did_ reveal himself to be Tom Baker.

"Good lord" said an old lady pushing a wheelbarrow of turnips "I thought you'd died"
"Alot of people make that mistake" laughed Tom as he gave her some jelly babies and then left in an old police box.

The old lady was much surprised and ran off down the street, when suddenly, something happend to make her turn over the barrow of turnips in shock. Her face went white and damp as she beheld........


----------



## Aulë

Rangerdave dancing the polka, clad only in his underpants!
"Ack!" cried the old lady, "My eyes have been soiled!"


----------



## tookish-girl

RangerDave spots the turnips on the road 

"Mmmmmmn, food!" he cries and hungrily chomps away, (well he's a Ranger, they don't get much to eat...)

The old lady blindly walks away, unable to see and wishing to retrieve her sight, hopefully to see more pleasant things, like kittens, daffodils, poppies blowing in a field of wheat. 

She walked on down the street, a sign at the side of the road read:
"Lost your sight after a freak incident involving a half-naked Tolkien forum mod? More common than you think! Step inside for free treatment!"

Unfortunately, she couldn't see this and walked straight by, however, 5 miles down the road a kindly wizard offered to help her by using his amazing new magic.....


----------



## Aulë

....Ketchup Bottle.
"Just stand over there, old lady," he said, " And I'll giving you a good squirt of this sauce."
The old lady hesistantly complied, and was quickly covered in a thick layer of red paste.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Now that's just wrong," frowned a red head who was growing a beard and looked like a deranged pirate. . . in fact, it was a pirate of the carabian from treasure planet and Captain Ron shot him with a rocket gun pickle.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was really a cucumber. And it hit Pamela Anderson in an overinflated mammary extension and she said....


----------



## Aulë

"Yay! This silly RPG is going to be shut down finally!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks said, "NOBODY WANTS IT SHUT DOWN!!!"


----------



## Aulë

And Aulë said: "Well it is- Webmaster is shutting down all TTF RPGs!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks replied, "No he's not he's just having all NEW RPGs be started in the new place. He said we could continue the current ones here if we wished."


----------



## Aulë

Then Aulë replied, "No, Ciryaher said that all RPGs should be finished as soon as possible, and if they don't appear to be finishing in the near future, they should be abandoned."


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks said, "I spoke to Cir personally and he said we could finish them up here and take as long as we wanted."

HAH!


----------



## Aulë

And so Aulë turned Wonks into a Dwarf for being so silly.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks turned Aulë into a woman for being so stupid.


----------



## Aulë

Hmmm, this can't be all that bad....
 Geez I'm hot....


*Turns Wonks into a Japanese Whooping Llama for called me stupid*


----------



## Wonko The Sane

*Whoops Aulë to France and then turns him into an American*
Hehe.


----------



## Aulë

"T'sup dudes? Hows it hangin' in da house? I'm off to da West Side!" said Aulë before 'she' was attacked by crossaint-weilding French people!

Meanwhile in Japan....Llama has become the favourite food of millions....


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Wonks whopped Aulë back to a male and sent him to Sibera. Then she whopped Japanese people til Aulë changed her back!


----------



## Aulë

Aulë then sends Wonks off to a church in England with Snaga.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

I'M STILL A LLAMA!!!!!!

*Thwacks Pippin and sends him to the same church so he can change her back and she and Snaga can get married*


----------



## Aulë

Turns Snaga into a Llama, and pronounces Miles and Drewzer as Llama and Wife.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then all the Sims down in Simville got mad at Elgee's brother when he started a riot just for the fun of it.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the happy Llama couple kissed like two passionate Llamas would and then both proceeded to kick the carp out of Aulë AND Elgee's brother the rioteer.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

grabs a flaming torch in the riot, and decides that it's time to roast llama rotisserary style


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Wonks stomps Omni-Elf with her Llama hooves and puts out the torch with her spit.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

re-lights torch


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Wonks the Llama spits on the elf and then kicks him to Pakistan where he can't bother them anymore.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

*attempts to dig a hole to china, but from pakistan digs right to england*


----------



## HLGStrider

All very odd indeed," said the two spies from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Then it blew up. . .don't ask me what it was, because if I tell you I'll have to kill you.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

The "It" was Omnipotent-Elf.

But fortunately I don't have to kill you becauase it's not my mission!


----------



## HLGStrider

Dang, she ruined my mission!

This post will self-destruct when the mods see fit to destroy it!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

THIS THREAD WILL NOT DIE!!!!

A green alien appears on the scene and zaps someone with a Kill-O-Zap gun and then takes everyone to the Great Sandwhich Maker from Bob.


----------



## Valdarmyr

But once they all piled out of the Chevy and went inside "Bob's Great Sandwhich Maker Diner" (sic), the waitress accidentally served the green alien a Llama sandwich, and everybody gasped  including the green alien, who leaned his head sideways and said, "Wang-tang-biddiley-bong-bung-frang-kutwang-smmmmiiiirtttsssccchhh!!! I'm a vegetarian, garsh blarsh it!" Then Otis Day and the Knights came out and did "Shama-Llama-Ding-Dong," with Bob sitting in on bass.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which wasn't really a bass but a cucumber. A sentient cucumber who bit Bob while screaming "Oi! Dancin' boy!" at the top of his lungs.


----------



## Aulë

BOB IS GONE!!! STOP BRINGING HIM BACK!!!

'Bob' then ripped off his face mask, revealing that he was in fact Legolam!
In the distance, Snaga the Llama eyed off her rear with great interest....


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks gets mad at Pippin_Took for saying dumb things when he thinks they're funny and storms off.


----------



## omnipotent_elf

omni lands from being exploded, taking out aule.......


----------



## HLGStrider

And it was coca-cola classic, not the newer, sweeter, variety. 


The globe spun and spun and spun and the United Arab Emirates colided with Cuba and Maria started to sing "I Feel Pretty" to a cow named Moo.


----------



## Aulë

Moo didn't take this too well though, and decided that Maria needed to be eaten. 
After Moo had consumed Maria (and a blueberry for desert), the poor cow broke contracted Mad Cow Disease.

"Moo Moo Moo," Moo Mooed, "Moo Moo Moo Moo"

Moo then swam the Altantic to America, where it hunted down Elgee- the only known cure to the disease.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee extended the hand of many blessings upon the cows forehead of great hurt and the cow rolled over and began to worship the lilac bush outside Elgee's house. Then the lilac bush started to sprout super-sour gumballs.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which were carniverous and ate Elgee and the cow right quick!


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bill O'Rielly said to Wonks, somewhat saracastically, that she had to be pithy if she wished to opine. Then Sean Hannity got into a fight with Phil Donahue and it ended up very messy and Elgee was reincarnated as a Fox News Reporter, but she got fired for batting her eyes at Shepherd Smith who was OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SO cute!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

But that never happened as Elgee had been unfortunately devoured by carniverous gumballs in the last scene.

In reality Bill O'Reilly invited Wonks on his show and told her that THIS time, she was the smartet one in the room. And Sean Hannity had to agree.

And then he punched Combs in the gut. Which I think everybody has been waiting for for some time now.


----------



## HLGStrider

Wonks, who hadn't been reading very carefully, obviously hadn't noticed that Elgee had been reincarnated. Therefore Elgee laughed and offered Sean an Alan-shaped punching bag before kidnapping Shepherd Smith AND Aragorn AND the cute boy with the wonderful brown eyes she knows in real life and ran off with them to Chile. Once there she had to decide, and you know that was really hard. . .

Meanwhile, Bob wasn't exactly sure what had happened, and Fox News was mad at him for involving them in this totally ridiculous story, so they sent him to CNN after Greta Van Sustern had grilled him nicely.


----------



## Valdarmyr

But after his high-energy stint at Fox News, Bob found that when he got to CNN, Judy Woodruff and Aaron Brown seemed to be moving and talking in slow motion, and he promptly fell asleep and dreamed he was back at Fox again, assisting that heavenly Jennifer Eccleston...

And just before he drifted off to sleep--he looked like Frodo fingering the Ring as he did--he wondered to himself, "Is that Heidi Collins or Mary Stuart Masterson?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"But it was Marlon Brando!" wined a young lady in the audeice


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then EVERYONE on Fox news DIED!! Including the one Elgee took to Chile.

And Aragorn poofed out of existence not actually being real and all.

And the choice for Elgee was made.


----------



## HLGStrider

So Elgee locked him in a closet to keep all for herself, still morning the loss of Shep.


----------



## Lifeling

Little did Elgee Know, that inside the closet... was a... Killer rabid squirell! So the Cute boy with the brown eyes Is being torn apart by thish thing... and of course elgee locked him in the closet...So now the thing is like latched onto his face which he is slamming profusely against the door.


----------



## HLGStrider

So the dwarf in the pocket of a trench coat in that closet fed the squirrel a bearclaw so he stopped and Elgee and the guy disappeared, never to be in that story again.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Because they very naughtily married in Vegas and went off to make Baby Brown Eyed Elgees.  *laughs*


----------



## Lifeling

Bear claw... Ha!

Anyway... at the funeral for all the fox news people, a yougn man named Trenton New Jersey got up to speak... "All these people", he said in a solemn voice, "Were idiots. They were frauds, fakes, liars, murderes and so on... We come here today to mourn their passing. it is a sad thing when the world loses a group of it's stupidest most idiotic and terrible people". Trenton New Jersey got down from the podium and wandered off into the nearby city, an unknown city... It's Queen is Angoreth... He wandered into this city seeking to collect every piece of broken glass he could find, because.... hey! somebody might step on them...


----------



## HLGStrider

Meanwhile the democrats had turned the funeral into a political rally, which resulted in political backlash. Then Bob, who hadn't been paying attention, won Tom Daschle's senate seat as a member of the SAVE THE EURASIAN EMU party.


----------



## Estrella

And then Benjamin franklin came back from the dead as a zombie, and challenged Bob to duel of rubber bands for the seat. and Bob, being an expert rubberband shooter, accepted. But Franklyn pulled a nasty trick, and attached a rubberbands shooter thingy to his kite, with a key, so the band would have an electrical charge, and hit Bob right in the eye, causing him to go blind and his eye to swell to the size of a fly's. So he became fly man, and ate lots and lots and lotsssssssssssssss of sugar. ( like me hehe
 )


----------



## HLGStrider

"MY EYE! HELP! R2! HE'S EATING MY EYE!" Bob yelled as the welcome committee welcomed Estrella to the forum. Then Leia said "I AM NOT A COMMITTEE!"


----------



## Estrella

Nearly falls out of her seat laughing so hard. picks up the mangled eyeball as though it were the oscar. " thank you, Thank you, i knew all my sugar highs would pay off someday." Waves all royal like to her adoring fans.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob fainted and woke up in a hospital, surrounded by a chior of penguins, and being fed jello through a tube. He closed his eyes, imagining coffee icecream and begged for mercy.


----------



## Lifeling

It was here that bob met his fate... 
"hello bob, I'm your fate"
"No that's not true that's impossible!!"
"Search your feelings you know it be true!"
"NOOOooo... wait your my what?"
"Your fate, I've come to rescue you!"
"Aren't you a little short for a fate?"


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Chewbaca snapped the fate in half. . .it was the defeat of de fate!


----------



## Estrella

And the fate said " hey, be glad i atleast have both my eyes" Mutters, " jeez people these days... Anyway, i'm here to lead you to your ultimate goal in life." and Bob raised his eyebrows. " what?" The fate acted all mighty and god- like. " It is your fate to lead the world into the new era of peace and harmony. Your must find the biggest bowl of icecream in a minature golf course,and meditate deeply for an entire game. then you shall receive a message. " the Fate picked up a suitcase, and put on some sun glassed and a hat. " chao, i'm gonna miss my flight to Tahiti?!" and The fate Vanished.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Yipperoni's," said Bob. "Do you think I can do that and still be on time for my date with Sharon Stone?"

Now everyone knew that Bob was hulucinating. He did not have a date with Sharon Stone. He had a date with Nicole Kidman. Now that was just plain odd. . .


----------



## Estrella

The fate blinked back quickly. " Oh yes.." whispers, " actually, the sign comes up when someone gets a hole in one .. so it depends." Snickers. Anyway. good luck on your date. " Plane, wait for meeeeeeeeeee!" disapears once more.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob looked around and discovered a sign sticking up out of a hole in a golf course. This sign said "Watch out for deep holes." Bob dove in to look for his ice cream and landed next to a family of moles who were complaining about the high costs of cosmetic surgery.


----------



## Estrella

seeing this as an opportunity to keep his date, Bob walked up to the moles and asked " Can any of you play mini golf well?". An old grouchy mole came up and said in an agitated voice " Minature golf, MINATURE! and yes, i happen to be a very good minature golfer!" the mole held his head kinda high in pride. " why do you want to know?" Bob said " Well, i need to get some sort of sign to pop up on the giant icecream cone, and i need someone to hit a hole in one." The gopher raised an eyebrow. " why should i help you.? what would i get out of it?" At this Bob started to think, and remember that all moles are blind responded. " In my ever eternal gradatude, i wil perform your plastic surgery for free. " Lying even more, " i happen to be a plastic surgeon!"
Bob mentally prided himself on his cleverness.


----------



## HLGStrider

The moles were so happy. Maybe with beauty brought aobut by surgery they could beat the gophers this year at the Junior Miss contest!

They set about to work. . .

Unfortunately, before they could hit a hole in one, it was realized that moles are a sign of skin cancer, and someone had the moles removed.


----------



## Estrella

Bob was then late for his date, and now had no moles. he began to question, if the fate was real, when the fate reappeared beside him.


----------



## Lifeling

Bob was speechless...


----------



## Aulë

Because he had decided to play 'Fluffy Bunnies' and his mouth was stuffed with 64 marshmallows!


----------



## HLGStrider

Fate hit him over the head with a pencil sharpener made of playdough and started to dance the macarena with Bob's former date. Bob started to cry. It wasn't fair.

It was then that a bowl of icecream popped out of the ground.


----------



## Lifeling

Now this was not a bad bowl of icecream that barked for no reason... it was a good ice cream bowl that sat quietely, obeyed commands, and could even fetch... "Oh well", said bob as he hurled the bowl of icecream off the nearest cliff. a tear came to his eye...


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Bob was arrested for this hienous act.


----------



## Estrella

However, on Bob noticing that the police was wearing a frilly pink tutu, he felt great pity for the poor enforcer of the law. and whispered, " i know where you could get some pants." the police officer smiled at this.


P. S. -runs and hides- what kind of monster have i created!!!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

The police offficer gasped.
"I'M NOT WEARING A TUTU! I'M WEARING A TUXEDO AND BUNNY SLIPPERS! THIS MAN MUST BE INSANE!"

So Bob got off of murder charges by pleading insanity. Two years later the police man was arrested for taking pictures of Hillary Clinton when she was not wearing makeup. Bob went to visit him in jail, and he gave Bob (who by this time was running for reelection) some timeless advice. . .


----------



## Estrella

The policemen said, "never, ever try to take pictures of famous people, they'll ruin ya! Oh yeah, and when you vote, vote for the other guy this time. by the way, seen my bunner slippers around? i can't find them anywhere."


----------



## HLGStrider

The bunny slippers were stuck in the sewer grate so Bob pulled it up, and at that point the former polic officer jumped down it and escaped. Bob was arrested as his accomplice when the man was captured trying to floss the Mona Lisa's teeth.


----------



## Lifeling

At that, bob declared he was having a rotten day, and so he went to sleep...


----------



## HLGStrider

Unfortunately for Bob he'd fallen asleep under a trampoline. . .one which tigger used for practicing his bounce while dancing with a kangaroo and a german shepherd named Sally.


----------



## Lifeling

Bob scratched his toe...


----------



## Estrella

On his toe bob saw a little tiny sprout, it looked kinda like a little tiny daisy, and a half inch little tiny person with a tensy weeny, itty, bitty watering can was watering it and humming the theme song to Gilligan's Island.


----------



## HLGStrider

OOC: This is post number 4001! glory is short.

Bob fainted again and woke up on a submarine with twenty penguins, all named Bob, just like him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and...guess what color the submarine was...YELLOW!


----------



## Lifeling

"My long lost twins!" bob shouted in glee at the sight of the 20 penguins... The penguins on the other hand, seeing that bob was wearing shoes, attacked him..


----------



## HLGStrider

This was because shoes are illegal on Endor and the penguins were really Ewoks in disguise. They were going to take over the secret base of the Muggles who had allied with the Trills to fight the Haradim. The Trills were led by Dax, but we weren't sure which one. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

The Glorifindel said, " Geez sessouhmaru your such a girl and thats wat attracts me to ye!"


----------



## HLGStrider

So she hit him over the head with a frying pan. She thought she was old enough to be such a woman.


----------



## Aulë

Then Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared, and stood in front of the Trills, Ewoks, Muggles, Haradrim, Galadriel and Bob.

"Hasta la vista, baby!" he laughed, before pulled out an M-240 B heavy duty machine gun, and blasting them into nothingness.


----------



## Estrella

That means that i got the 4000 post! hehehehehehehehehehe!

anyway, then they all attacked him with stun guns!


----------



## Aulë

> _Originally posted by Estrella _
> *That means that i got the 4000 post! hehehehehehehehehehe! *



Ummm....no.
That was HLGStrider's 4001st post on the forum 

And considering that they were all dead, Arnie wasn't stun gunned. And he walked away, laughing that Bob was _finally_ gone.


----------



## spirit

*...until arni was the only one left standing!
he started to laugh like the maniac he is!!*

Muahahahahah muahahahahah muahahahahha
 *and grin to himselfg*


----------



## Estrella

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..i see. -stops celebrating- and I didn't see that they were dead!

ok. all four of them were brought back to life in a voodoo ritual, but they were zombies, and they wanted Arnold to pay..


----------



## spirit

they had a plan and they gave Arnold EVIL looks!

Galadriel: You know...we could have been great together! But you just blown that chance... 

Arnold: What? I dint know...Baby! Wait!! One more chance please. I promise i can change!

Bob: Sorry mate! She is taken. 
*then Galadriel and Bob start making out!*


----------



## Estrella

At this point the the ewoks were looking at Galadriel and Bob like they were crazy, then glanced back at Arnold. One of them took out a hot pink light saber, and sliced arnold's head off.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

*Sesshoumaru is a guy!*

Sesshoumarau was v. angry for being considered a girl and killed them all...sadly they became ressurcted


----------



## aDaHe

adahe ramdomly is resusrected thought why he didn't know..."hi guys"*walks over and shakes Sesshoumarau hand and uses his other hand to rear up a fist to throw at him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but sessy is so much faster and escapes from the evil man


----------



## Estrella

Bob and Galadriel continue making out, as if nothing happened.


----------



## spirit

then Sesshoumarau comes and pushes bob away and starts to make out with Galedriel.


----------



## Estrella

at this point censorship people in suites and sun glasses and big hair pushed through, and pushed Sess and Galadriel apart. " this is too much. If you don't stop, we're going to put a big black rectangle over you and no one will ever be able to see you again! hahahahahahahahahahaha!"


----------



## spirit

Galadriel got sooooo pissed of that she started to grow another head next to her first head!


----------



## Estrella

Sess stepped away from Galadriel, and said " babe, i had no idea..." He took an extra step or two back, then started running, knowing what was to come next.


----------



## spirit

*sickence* every one followed him! every one was gone...except Galadriel!



(i have to go! Bye Estrella and all others! C u 2moro)


----------



## Lifeling

Bob cradled a broken vase in his hand... "WHY!"


----------



## HLGStrider

"Because!" Joan of Arc answered. She then set Bob on fire and started dancing about with Prince Albert who started to cook some cakes while Bob was roasting.


----------



## Lifeling

"You'll never get away with this!" Bob screamed.
"The Monks Won't Have It!" Bob screamed.
"What about my rights?" Bob screamed.
"Don't you care about me?" Bob screamed.
"Let me go!" Bob screamed.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sessomaru then ran away farther with his...tail...thingy between his legs...(but is that really a tail or is it a cloack or maybe its a feather boa!)


----------



## HLGStrider

Whatever it was, it had bells attached and these called the fire department who put Bob out. Then when they found out what had happened and about Bob's past connections to Catherine Harris, they threw him in the river.


----------



## spirit

Bob finally came back to concienceness after the river accident! 

"???" bob looked around! it looked like he was in the kingdom of hell! he was standing on something that looked like lava!

Aman approaches him, he was all red and had red horns! and a tail with a point stickin out of his bottom! (that better?)

"who are you" bob askes

"i am your worse nightmare! my name is....."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Underlord Over!" he said with a huge shout. Bob ran away, until he ran into Sesshoumaru.
"foolish mortal, " said sesshoumaru, "I shall killl you and rid you of your pathetic existences. So Sesshoumaru did kill Bob.


----------



## spirit

and then Sesshoumaru said 'now i shall be the main character of this ROANDOM story...told by freaks!'

and then suddenly HLGStrider comes into the story and says: 'who are you calling freak? FREAK! and stabbs Sesshoumaru right in the heart!' and starts to laugh! 

(HLGStrider, hope you dont mind me using your name!)


----------



## HLGStrider

"It's been done before," Elgee said with a sigh. 
Then there was a large explosions and they were all attacked by Oreo hating Lawyers!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But Rin came to save Sesshoumaru who wasnt quite dead saying
'i know he can be pompous but please spare him"


----------



## HLGStrider

"He's only pompous because of that pompadore," said Ed the barber. "We shall give him a new do that will do him a heck of a lot of good."

At that Sess screamed.


----------



## spirit

suddenly justin timberlake waliked in and said!!
"wow, you look like my dog in the morning! you need some serious hair do" and walked out before Ed could say anything!


----------



## Estrella

a loose battery operated razor was heard in the distance, then suddenly heading strait for Sess.


----------



## spirit

"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed sess!, knowing where it was aimed at but was suprized when it dint shave the hair on his head but instead his mushtache


----------



## Estrella

The razor then started attacking the Anti- Oreo lawyers.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Well since sesshoumaru didnt' have much of a mustache to begin with its not like that hurt him anyways . He then was healed and said, "I shall leave this story and never come back!" He left and rin followed. So he was replaed by Miroku who wandered aruond lost for afew minutes


----------



## HLGStrider

Before finding a sign that said "YOU ARE HERE." Then he wasn't lost anymore and sat under the sign feeling happy because he knew he was there. . .uh. ..here.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

(Can I use you in htis story seciton eglee...thanks)

He was feeling much better since he found out he was...here...anyways, he found Eglee and began to carry on a conversation about...what here was...


----------



## HLGStrider

They decided that the most obvious thing about here was that it was not there, and because they wanted to get there they had to leave here, so they left here in search of there. . .and arrived at the place you've never heard of before which was being invaded by Natasha, the beautiful Russian spy, and Cat Woman.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Miroku kind of got lost about the here and where and there discussion. He took both of Eglee's hands into his own and asked,
"Will you please bear my child?"


----------



## HobbitGirl

And suddenly, three people showed up quite unexpectadly after very long absences. One of them was HobbitGirl, walking around in circles and looking very confused. "Where in the blazes are we?!?!" she shouted, as she had been gone to long to make heads or tails of the story.

One of the other people who had showed up, who was in fact R.D.W., or Rubber Duckie of Westmarch if you prefer the unabriged version, answered HG by saying, "I don't have a clue. Don't ask me. Now where is my bum father?" R.D.W is Bob's son, and wanted to replace him as the star of the story. He thought he might be able to pull it off, as he was much more cute and suave and savvy than Bob. In fact, as soon as he showed up, R.D.W. was instantly surrounded by a throng of beautiful women. But of course Elgee wouldn't let poor Bob be upstaged, so she threw R.D.W. into the fires of Mount Doom, where he played poker with Gollum for all eternity, or at least until his lawyer called him back.

The third person who had arrived, who was Sessy's new arch enemy Dart the Fire Dragoon, flew around looking very cute and hot and strong and manly and such. All the former girlfriends of R.D.W. stood and watched down below as Dart flew overhead, swooning and ooing and ahing.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee meanwhile had locked herself in a closet and wasn't going to come out!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Miroku shrugged, at least he didnt get slapped this time then he felt like talking to this dart person, "So dart, how goes it with you?" (btw: miroku is cuter!)


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee wanted to know how tall Mikoru is. . .he looked a bit short to her, and she liked tall, brown eyed guys. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and sure enoough Tar had a picture for that! I'd say he was around 6'2,


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee liked her real brown eyed guy better and decided to stay in the closet. Meanwhile Bob wasn't body boarding with Sadam Hussaine who was disguised as GIDGET!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Miroku was not offended, many women found him bold anyway...on with bob's tale...well it turns out he and hussien were having a hot tub party...bob was afriad when he cound hussien playing footsie tho.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which is when the tub's turbojets turned on and the pool flew up in the air and began to circle the globe. Sadam thought it was a conspiracy and jumped out, but Bob broke the record for going around the world in a hot tub.

He crawled out of the tub when it landed in Vegas then blew all his money gambling against Bill Bennet who was being pursued by witch hunters and Terry Mccullock while Bill O'Rielly hit Jayson Blair over the head with a squeegie. Then Jayson Blair turned out to be the Blair witch and he made a video and a lot of money. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bill O' reily sued bob for making someone feel good about themselves and Saddam was still hidding underneath the table.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Elgee cried and decided to explain who Gidget was.


----------



## Estrella

Bugs bunny popped out of a hole in the ground munching on a carrot. looks around and says " wait, this isn't Budapest. " " takes out a map. " i knew i should've gone right in Miami.."


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then Elgee ATE Bugs Bunny.
Because white Wayne Newton was singing the ABCs Elgee had turned into an evil carnivorous worm...somewhere between P and R.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then HobbitGirl became fed up with anime characters and banished all of Tar's strange people forever from the story. She even banished Dart, her beloved Dragoon hottie, because she was so angry at anime.

Meanwhile, Bugs Bunny's many relatives were popping in and out of holes pestering and plagueing the poor fellow. Bob flew into a rage and pulled a mace out of the magic tree trunk. He started playing whack-a-mole with the rabbits.

"Whack ONE! Whack TWO! Whack THREE FOUR FIVE!!" Bob said as he bashed Bugs's relatives with the mace.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Hah! You cannot banish Naraku! I am the strongest of the demons!" Then Naraku was kicked out by Tar who did not prefer his attendance and the world yelled "HOORAY!"


----------



## Wonko The Sane

YAY NO MORE ANIME!!!" shouted Elgee. "P.S.-I'M ADORABLE"

And everyone groaned and wished Elgee would talk about something other than herself.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar hit eglee with a wooden spoon, and asked wonks how her orcling was.


----------



## HLGStrider

And Elgee pouted. . .she's so CUTE when she pouts. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and by complete chance her brown eyed dream boy came and swept her off her feet and kissed her.


----------



## HLGStrider

My life is complete!" Elgee fainted after slippingon some spilt coffee and Bob passed out and woke up in LA.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

meanwhile her dream boy attacked bob for being so carless


----------



## Aulë

But Bob wasn't happy with this, so he turned Elgee's dream boy into a brown-eyed pink toad.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

eglee demanded bob turn him back upon penatly of foot tickling


----------



## HLGStrider

Even though he made a very cute frog and was still highly intelligent. . .

Elgee and her dream boy disappeared after Bob restored him and Bob ended up on a boat yelling, "I'M SAILING!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

The numerous Harrison fords (we havent heard from them in awhile) were on the boat too.


----------



## Estrella

Then Mr. Smith appeared on the boat, and started to infect everyone, turning everyone but bob and Eglee into more Mr. Smiths, and they surrouded Bob and Eglee, and finally realizing his true feeling for Elgee, Bob took her in his arms. At this point Tuxedo mask appeared, along with the Sailor Senshi.

OOC: i just named my new Hermit Crab Bob!


----------



## HLGStrider

THEN BOB WAS TRANSFORMED INTO A GIANT HERMIT CRAB!

At that Elgee fell down crying because all she really wanted was her brown-eyed-dream-boy and a computer and a place with kitties. . .that wasn't so much to ask, was it?


----------



## HobbitGirl

At the appearance of Tuxedo Mask and the Sailor chicks Arzynik suddenly shouted, "Oh LORD! Not more anime!!" Tyler Grey, on the other hand, was already downloading as many Sailor Moon episodes as he could find.

Meanwhile, poor RDW was having neglection issues in the fires of Mount Doom. His father had been absent from his life for too long, and he was permanantly emotionally scarred. Gollum didn't help, either, going on and on about his "precious."

Indiana Jones, one of the infamous Harrison Fords, decided that he would take on a parenting role for poor RDW. He couldn't do this, however, until RDW was freed from the fires of Mount Doom, and this could only happen when RDW's laywer called him back. So Indiana stormed the lawyer's firm, only to find that Long John Silver, wooden leg and all, was RDW's lawyer. Indiana stole Silver's leg and beat him over the head with it while simultainiously noogieing him and forcing him to call RDW back. After the call had been made RDW appeared in Silver's office with Gollum clinging to his back, screaming that his precious had been stolen. Indiana stuffed a sock into Gollum's mouth.

Meanwhile, Bob the newly transformed hermit crab was having issues adjusting to his new shell. He just couldn't get comfortable.

WILL THESE THREE GROUPS OF PEOPLE EVER MEET? WILL TYLER GREY EVER STOP BEING OBSESSED WITH ANIME? WILL HARRISON FORD EVER STOP BEING MONOTONOUS? WILL BOB EVER SEE HIS SON AGAIN? OR BE HUMAN AGAIN FOR THAT MATTER? JOIN US NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!

<cheezy soap opera music>


----------



## Estrella

Sailor moon shrieked at Bob " Ewww! Get it away, get it away!" Then Mars yelled. " Meatball head! it's just a gaint crab, i'll burn it." Mars did her fire thingy throughly baked bob. They all enjoyed a good dinner of crab. Finally Mercury stood up tapping her foot. " If you're all done now, we need to go fight the real enemy." They all stood up and disappeared, reappearing at Mount Doom.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar thought it was a great time to reintroduce Sesshoumaru...unfortunantly he was not so keen to come so she had to drag him using her 'dark queenly powers'. He yelled all the way, "I refuse to come here!GAH!FEH!" When they finally got their all the sailor moon girls fell in love wiht Sesshoumaru and Dart since Tuxedo max always saves the day. Tuxedo max cowerd and cried. 

meanwhile Sesshoumaru and Dart were enjoying a little soak in the hot tup with the sailor moon girls.

The Harrison ford's had no friends, well cept han solo who was having a sliight problem getting away from tuxedo max.


----------



## Estrella

Usagi was chowing down on a hamburger, and Rei was glaring at her, while Luna and Amy were doing the giant sweat drop thing. Usagi said " Hey Sess aren't you the evil guy?" while they could hear Tuxedo mask the back ground " come on Han, don't you have a mask too?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Well if you know the land i come from i am known as a...well how do i put this....which ever side promises to give me Tetsugai!" Sesshoumaru said standing up abrubptly. the sailer girls were kinda shocked and scooted away, "come on ladies i am not evil, well at least as not as evil as that Naraku fella." They all smiled and were relieved. Then Naraku said, "I heard that!"

Bob joined Tuxedo max on his pursiutof Han Solo.


----------



## Estrella

Rei puts away her evil spirit charms somewhat disapointed, and Artemis coughs " obession."

ooc: i thought that Bob was eaten...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

While Sesshoumaru continues to impress the girls in the hot tub, dart has left with hobbit girl cause he realized sesshoumaru had him beat. He adn hobbit girl had a v. nice discussion.


----------



## Estrella

Tuxedo Mask finally realizes that Han is about to hit him, so he backs off. He glares over at Sess and the sailor girls in swim suits,and finds a lizard, and snickers. Puts it into the hot tub water. He hears Serena scream " Dariennn!"


----------



## Lifeling

Suddenly a guitar appears out of nowhere and they all begin to play it at the same time... suddenly they are famous!


----------



## Estrella

Next thing they know, they have a gig in China.


----------



## Lifeling

They are playing on the great wall, which I think is still the only manmade object visible from space... Then all the sudden they start doing this coldplay cover.... And the chinese people go nuts! and start ripping their hair out.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sesshoumaru is pissed off at the girls silly instincts and decides to find somewhere else to impress girls. Bob is having problems being a stripper in LA. And the guitarist dies.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was transported to Calamazoo. . .unfortunately his clothes weren't and he had to hide in a Rhodendenren. The strange thing was the Rhodendendren (which is hard to spell) was on Mt. Hood in Oregon, not Calamazoo. . .then Bob realized HE HAD DISCOVERED THE FIRST STABLE WORMHOLE BETWEEN MT HOOD AND CALAMAZOO!


----------



## Lifeling

All the worms in the world are like... "what?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

worms...what the heck does this have to do with the story!" screamed bob as he grabbed a gun to shoot himself...everyone was like "NOOOOO!" but he pulled the trigger..and bubbles came out!


----------



## Lifeling

Meanwhile the worms (who cant smell, hear, or see) are like "What?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob,stepped on the worms, destroying them for he was dissapointed that he did not die.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then HobbitGirl did a Wonks and whacked Tar with a board.


----------



## Estrella

A bubble then grew and grew and grew, untill it swallowed Bob, and flew him to a cher concert, and it popped, letting bob fall into cher's arms.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"hey!What was that for! YOu got your dart arent you happy now?" tar complained for being hit


----------



## HLGStrider

Then, for exactly five point two seconds, everyone was happy. Then Bob got sick of it and blew up the Eiffle Tower just because he was so sick of everyone being so danged happy. 

The French looked up from their coffee and red wine, said something cynical in Bohemian, and started hitting everyone with those long loaves of bread they always carry around with them on Fridays and Sundays.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Mr. Encyclpedia tells the narrator,"They're called BAgettes!"


----------



## HLGStrider

The French throw overcooked cream puffs at Mr. Encyclopedia and then Bob went on to win the international spelling bee by spelling "dog" right. Everyone else spelt it "dawg" which was sad. Bob then called up Pizza the Hutt and informed him that with his prize money he would have enough to pay off the Borg and keep them from invading the Zoo of Death.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and at this zoo of death was darth Spelunker who was the evil twin of darth caver who was the cousin of darth carver and the sister of Darth Flavor and finally the fifth cousin twisce removed from Darth insidious, who was darth sidious younger brother


----------



## Estrella

Bob said, " dude, you really have to change your name.." At this the Darth pulled out a light saber, but found it's batteries were dead. he cursed it while banging it on the ground, and broke it.


----------



## Rogue666666

"Why, o why does the madness continue?" cried Bob, "Life was so simple before I was pulled into this forum".

So Bob went and got drunk for the billionth time and then started singin out bottles of beers on the the wall. After this he headed home in his new toyota (new as of 1984) but was pulled over.

On questionig bob replied, " I'm veally sery vober sofficer, and not have as thunk as you drink" Unfortunately are pittiful hero was sentenced to life on an astroid orbiting Trantor. In fact, in less then 476,000 years the asteroid would be sucked into the galactic black whole at the center of the galaxy and be crushed to about the size of a microscopic life form.

Bob had until then to think up an escape plan.


----------



## Lifeling

Bob thought and though and thought... Then he realized he had worms in his pocket "YAY", he thought, Because we all know that you cant actually talk on an astroid... just think out loud.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob than caught up with Miroku who was very busy doing an important 'exorcism'.


----------



## HLGStrider

He thought up a song,
"OH I AM STUCK OUT HERE ON AN ASTEROI-OI-OI-OI-OI-OI-OID!" (Spanish sounding guitar chords)
"And I'm drifting in space!" (Maracas shake)
"And I can't help wondering-ing-ing-ing. .. " (Guitar chords)
"How I ended up in such disgrace!" (More guitar chords) 
"So I started to dance and I learned how to sing. . " (Maracas)
"AND NOW I AM STUCK ON THIS ASTEROID!"

Bob started to yoddel.


----------



## Rogue666666

Yodelaai!!!! Yodelaaiii! Yodelaaaaooo!


Then Bob checked his watch. 475,999 years had already gone by. 'Oh how time flies when your stranded on an asteroid' thought Bob.

What he didn't know was that the worms in his pocket were silk worms, and for 475,998 years had been working on making a silk rope to save bob, that is, until they passed away last year.

So now Bob had a silk rope and all of his IQ to save him. This left him about the same chance of suriving that a snowball had if it were thrown into the core of a super nova, which is about the same chance as a silk worm survivng on an astroid for 475,998 years, which was about the same chance as Luke Skywalker becoming a good actor, which was equal to the chance of a deer surving in an ocean trench, which was almost the same as a blond having more than one brain cell, which in turn is the same as a new Ferrari costing less then 100 bucks, while this is also equal to the chance that humans managed to evolve from a pool of liquid, which is in turn the exact chance that Bob will ever escape this forum. 

Oh look, time's up.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob was anxios to escape and when time ran out he yelled

"OH ****!"


----------



## Estrella

At this point bob realized that he lived about 490 thousand times longer than any normal person, and began to wonder why...


----------



## Rogue666666

He wondered and wondered, for the next .00000003 nanoseconds until he was compressed into a microscopic life form.


----------



## Lifeling

Bob was like, "what?"


----------



## Estrella

Bob looked at himself, and laughed " yay!, i'm a microscopic life form!" He then proceeded to do a happy spin dance.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And HG explained to Tar, rather late, but oh well, that she had whacked her because her sweetie is the goregous-green-eyed-sweetheart from about fifty pages ago, and NOT Dart, no matter how hot he is.

And Bob whacked HG with a mop.


----------



## Rogue666666

Which was very difficult since he was only .00000000000004 milli meters tall.


----------



## Lifeling

Bob suddenly decided that he would have to jump to get bigger! He jumped and jumped, but it only made him smaller and smaller. By this time the worms were like, "what?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar nodded at this and apoligized to HG, then ran into bob's microscopic form and said, "did i step on something?"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was safe due to his extreme smallness. He was smaller than the point of a needle. Smaller than the eye of a microscopic ant. Smaller than a speck of space dust, and a heck of a lot smaller than a bread box!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"So he was." Tar noted and moved on with her life.


----------



## Lifeling

Bob began eating the worms... And he also began to grow...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar sighed and said, "Oh great Bob's growing isnt he..."


----------



## Lifeling

"Stop stating the obvious!" bob cried as he returned to normal height...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"You silly boy! I am the dark queen how dare you speak to me in that fasion!" Tar stated while hitting bob wiht a wooden spoon.


----------



## Estrella

Bob turned into a giant catipillar, and glared at the queen.


----------



## spirit

she got scarred and started to scream like a little baby!


----------



## HLGStrider

Then a rabid roe-buck (from Sears Roe-Buck) came out and started to dance to Acupulco holiday!

Bob the catapilar ate some milkweed and got sick. Then he went into a cacoon and emerged a racoon.


----------



## Estrella

Bob, put on a mask ( as he was albino), and pointed a very sharp stick at the Roe-Buck. He said " Give me all of your bubble Gum, or i'll poke ya!"


----------



## HLGStrider

The Buck, who owned a lighthouse in Kansas City, was looking for an ocean to buy, so he said,
"I'll make you a deal, get me a labrodor and I'll retrieve it, and then I will have enough salsa to buy bubble gum for you and an ocean for me."
"But, without corn chips, how will we use the salsa?" Bob asked.
"We'll use oreos instead!" the buck stated. But the buck stopped there.


----------



## Estrella

Bob raised an eyebrow " Oreos? Ohwell, it' fine with me. You got yourself a deal." Bob wondered briefly if HLGstrider had an obession with oreos, and if she'd seen a doctor about it. Bob then started to walk to the nearest Labrador farm.


----------



## Lifeling

The Buck stopped ad stared as a huge alien ship came into view... It was the blorgs and they werent happy!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar- Ancalime did not scream nor did she run away! nonetheless she was out of the picture.


----------



## Estrella

Bob returned with the dog, named freckles, and saw the aliens. He ran up to them. " OHH Metalica! can i have your autograph?"


----------



## Rogue666666

Actually, it wasn't metallica, it was the KING.

In a glistening beam of light the King of music came streaming back to earth.

Suddenly giant loud speakers appeared from the ship. And Elvis Presely began to wail....

YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT a hound dog! Crying all the time!

At this point though the great man felt a tugging at his shirt. He turned to see Bob standing there with a very displeased look on his face. The music faded...

Bob, in a fury of rage screamed, " THAT IS NOT A HOUND DOG! It is a Labrador you dirt sucking tone deaf scum!


----------



## Lifeling

"Fetch!" yelled bob as he hurled the king through the air...
The labrador was fast and it caught him as he was coming in to land... He screamed in pain as bob watched them both burst into flames!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than bob ran away into the banna


----------



## Rogue666666

'Banna? What in the world is a Banna?' ,Bob thought.


----------



## spirit

he ment a mango!
he had a slight problem with items!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

he meant a peach you silly bums!" Nanny the nursemaid florence staed.


----------



## Rogue666666

That is not true! Nothing ryhms with orange!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"What about Porrige?"


----------



## HLGStrider

Then a group of penguins stormed the building and made a fruit salad. Then someone put vegetables in it! The penguins screamed and sacrificed themselves to a killer whale named Josie.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Than Sesshoumaru returned with Miroku who was folowing behind hoping to catch the attention of the throng of girls who followed Sessy-sama! And he did, in fact Miroku got 25 gropes in 10 minutes (he also got 23 evil glares, and 20 slaps). Bob was concerned and felt Miroku needed to be arrested becaues he was jealous of how hot miroku was.


----------



## Estrella

OOC: it's Sessy-San. San is male, Sama is Female.  Free Japanese lesson there.

Bob called the police, an officer showed up. He turned to the Whale. " Josie! long time no see cousin."


----------



## spirit

oh shut it with all the chit chat and get on with the {1 minute of swearing} business!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

*thank you, i suppose one can't rely on fanfic Japanese forever*

Bob screamed to the police officer, "Hey, arrest that man he's hotter than me!" The police officer refused to however and everyone (but Bob) was happy.


----------



## spirit

suddenly bob got angry and said in a jamican accent "i am fed up wid all u lot! me needz a hiliday man!" and leaves with a suitcase and a mini car!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob left and life went on as usual as nobody liked bob. but the rumors circulated on Bob's holiday as he called it,

"Bob is with the trapeze or thats what i heard from Deborah Sue."
Janice Jones told her friend Mary Malone. However Emily Eileen heard from Barbara Billingsly that,


----------



## Estrella

He was abducted by aliens!


----------



## HobbitGirl

Who put an anal probe up his...deriaire...and forced him to sing like John Lennon until until he met George Harrison in the underworld!


----------



## Estrella

George Harrison Approched in fake Devil's horns, and tail. He looked at Bob, and said. " Dude, Fire's coming out of your But!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then Rex Harrison (who may or may not be related to george) said, "Bob I find it proper to consume you for my evening meal"


----------



## HLGStrider

"You can't," said Bob, "because I have a passport!" 

And he showed everyone his passport, and they were about to let him go when they noticed that the picture on the passport wasn't of Bob. It was of Britney Spears.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"You silly boy!" Exclaimed Rex harrison, "We shall make a suflee out of you!"


----------



## HLGStrider

"Not until you learn to spell better, master of evil pronunciation."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

" You don't like the idea of suflee, well we can fix that. Bobburgers!" Rex harrison said slicing up bob


----------



## HLGStrider

That is when Bob woke up screaming in the middle of Grand Central Station wearing a kimno, a flowered bonnet, and a Bill Clinton mask.

Jim Carry ran out of the crowd yelling, "COHNAN! IT'S YOU!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than he gave bob a big hug


----------



## HobbitGirl

Somewhere in the back of the audience the sound of retching could be heard. Bob paused his performance, put his hands on his hips, and stared with distate at the person throwing up. "Well what would you prefer, Whitney Houston?" he asked. 

"Actually, yes," the barfing person replied.

And Bob turned into Whitney Houston.

And the bunny rabbits screamed.


----------



## Mablung

Through the screaming of the rabbits a faint rumbling could be heard and the ceiling began to shake. Then through it burst two forces of immense power. The Rubber Duckie of Westmarch as locked in combat with the Dark Duckie of Mordor.


----------



## HobbitGirl

The Rubber Duckie of Westmarch, also known as RDW, also known as the only son of Bob, grappled with his arch nemisis, the Dark Duckie of Mordor, also known as DD. They fought, and fought, and squeaked like the rubber duckies they are.

THEN, DD pulled out the Ring of Power! And RDW quaked and trembled! But RDW was too cute and suave and savvy and overall cool to be defeated by this dude, so he drew his sword all fancy-like, and all the ladies swooned and oohed and aaahd. RDW smirked at DD, cause his popularity with the ladies was a one-up against his enemy.


----------



## Mablung

The DD squeaked angrily in Ducky speak. He flapped around huffily trying to get noticed by the ladies. With a great squeak he summoned his own admirers. They were legions of Legolas look alikes. Naturally the ladies quickly left RDW and chased off after these as they were all fangirls. The DD then drew a mace of great size and started swinging at the RDW squeaking in a squeak not squeaked by the good denizens of the world.


----------



## HobbitGirl

RDW covered his ears at the horrible evil squeaks. But he was determined to defeat his foe, just like every other classic hero dude. He pulled fuzzy pink earmuffs out of his pocket (yes, this duck wears clothes. What, you think I'm going to put a naked someone on this forum?) and put them on. Then, he thrust his sword out, blocking the mace's blows. He fought with DD sword vs. mace for a while, until RDW got sick of it and flapped behind DD. RDW dropped his sword, picked up DD, and threw him off the slope of Mount Doom (where they had been fighting). Not the slope that led to the fire, cause RDW hated the smell of burning feathers. Instead of being incinerated, DD tumbled off the mountian, hitting every nastily sharp rock on the way down. "Oof! Eef! Ahf! Ouch! @#@#$!" DD squeaked.


----------



## Mablung

Unfortunatly for RDW the DD was covered in armor (no hes not naked either you perverts  ) and was made of rubber so going down rocks didn't hurt him much. The DD then started picking up these sharp nasty rocks as he was hitting them on the way down. When he finally came to a rest he began throwing these rocks back up at RDW. Some villagers saw what he was doing and joined him as everyone in the world loves a good stoning. They were also all exceptionally strong villagers so they too were able to get their rocks all the way up the mountain.


----------



## HobbitGirl

"Gyaaaaah!" RDW squeaked/shouted, throwing his wings/arms up to cover his face/beak. He stumbled backwards a step, tried to block the rocks, lost his balance, and fell into the fires of Mount Doom. Since he was there before, he didn't incinerate, but sat down and played poker with Gollum. Again. But this time, RDW didn't have to wait for his lawyer to call him back, for he knew his lawyer's number. His lawyer was none other than--Indiana Jones! RDW played a few games of poker just to remember old times, then called up ol' Indy. 

"Hello?" Indy answered the phone.

"Yo, Indy my homie, wass up?" RDW said in his best gangster voice.

"Hey dude," Indy said in his best surfer voice. "How's it hangin'?"

"Not very well, thank you," said RDW, switching over to a French accent.

"Well, how sad for you," said Indy, switching over to a British accent.

"Get me out of here, man! It's like, game over man, game over!" said RDW, trying to imitate that one dude from Aliens.

"Whoa, like, chill, dude," said Indy, trying to imatate Chong. "Like, just be groovy. I'll get you out, man."

They hung up.

And Indy's hovercraft came to rescue RDW and Gollum.


----------



## Mablung

The DD watched in disdain as Indiana Jones came to rescue RDW. So the DD called up his old allies to come and combat them. In the sky above Indiana Jones shouted in horror as the Nazimobile hover craft started chasing his.


----------



## HobbitGirl

COMING UP NEXT: A CAR CHASE!

It was time for some fancy driving. "Buckle your seatbelts back there!" shouted Indy as he took the helm. Gollum didn't seem to hear, for he just ran around screaming in panic and running into walls. RDW wisely strapped himself into a seat and held on for dear life. 

Indy slammed his foot on the accelerater. The Nazimoblie started fireing it's laser cannons. Gollum shrieked, "We're going to die, precious! Die! DIEEEEEE--"

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

We interupt this broadcast for a broadcast of the emergency broadcast system. Have a nice day!

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

*slam*

The TV falls over and shatters, and the world gasps as they see who has caused the distruction. It is....


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, of course.

He had spent the last three months working his new job with the American Kennel Club. He was a spot counter in the dalmation section. As you may or may not know, the premium amount of spots for a thourough bred dalmation is 219. Bob was required to count the spots on the dalmations and make sure they had 219. However, one day he was counting the spots on Madame Floo-floo's dog, Dow Jones, the world's most valuable dalmation, and he came up with 220! He announced it to the horror of the Club. 

Dow Jones was disqualified and Madame Floo-floo was crying and then Bob said, "Oh wait, that's an ink spot. . ."

So Bob was thrown from the top of the Eiffle tower and had his right ear fed to Dow Jones. 

Bob's scream echoed about the world while the chaos caused by Dow Jones caused the problems above mentioned.


----------



## Estrella

Bob then Decided to leave Spot counting forever, and Made to Journey the the McDonalds Temple deep in the New York Jungle of twisted Iron.


----------



## HLGStrider

But his walkman was up too loud and it scared away all the spawning salmon! He was attacked by environmentalists wearing scuba geer.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which if you didn't know is a rather scary site as the notorious Hob said to Jolene,

"So Jolene, if you havent seen a enviromentalist in scuba gear you are totally lucky. That site is so damn scary!"

"Really Hob? I mean I've seen nomal men in scuba gear before and its not that scary. What we're they carrying, weapons?"

Hob cowerd and cried at the thought of the weaponry,

" What is it Hob?"

"They carry plastic harpoons!" Hob said rising to face fear,

"And I will conquer that fear, I will face those terrorists!" Jolene just nodded and was tired of listening to Hob speak.

So Hob went to his brother Bob (as in the Bob who is the main part in our story who was still haveing problems with Indiana jones as his lawyer and it just so happend that Indy was also afraid of enviromentalists with scuba gear and plastic harpoons and both hob and indy cowerd and cried.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Whimps," sniffed a supercillious space cat named Arod as he continued on his way towards Albequerque. . .Bob and Hob and Indy ducked down the hole the space cat had came out of and started to run for it. They ran and ran until they came to the home of a family of squirrels. . .hungry squirrels. . .man eating squirrels.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

indy yelled, 

"What are we going to do?"

" Your the one who always gets in trouble you should know what your doing?" Bob yelled to indy.

"come on thats scripted!"


----------



## HLGStrider

James Bond popped out of nowhere. 
"Here! Take this," he said in a suave voice. He handed Bob a stick of gum. "Wad it up and throw it at these squirrels. . .red light, green light." 

Then Ethan Hunt popped out of nowhere.
"HEY! THAT'S MY COOL GADGET! GET YOUR OWN!"
"Shut up. . .At least I'm tall!" Bond shot back.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and han solo groped princess leia's rear


----------



## HLGStrider

So she slapped him and proposed to Bob, the last of the true gentlemen. . .She'd always been attracted to men in pink and purple pajamas.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then james bond killed bond and began to woo princess leia and sesshoumaru who he seemed to think was a girl sesshoumaru did not take to kindly to this and killed james.


----------



## Estrella

Austin Powers than appeared on the scene, But the Red Celephane made his suit look purple. Sessamour Turned his head, and said " You need a breath mint very badly." he handed him a whole packet of Certs.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then they battled over who would date princess Leia, Sesshoumaru-san won (yay) Leia was also happy with that descion.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then-POOF-the world turned into Jello beneath them and they began to sink slowly into the cherry flavored goo. . .

"BUT I LIKE STRAWBERRY!" wept Leia. The Jello turned to strawberry.
"I like Blueberry," said Bob. It turned to blueberry.
"I like chocolate. . ." said Han. . .Now this confused the jello because it had never heard of chocolate jello. . .and so. ..


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then the blueberries rained down from the sky and they all ate them


----------



## Estrella

They all started to moon walk on the jello and it turned into a Disco Club!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and due the ferocity of the music the moon fell apart


----------



## HLGStrider

The pieces of the moon fell into the sea of jello causing a jello tidal wave which buried San Francisco. . . And Bob was terrified when he heard the news, because he'd left his heart in San Fransisco! 

Then he yelled out, "Oh San Francisco!" 
But Captain Benjamin Sisco thought he was calling for him and came down to see what was up. Jake Sisco caught sight of Leia and started making goo-goo eyes at her.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

However Leia was tired of men givng her googly eyes and sought to destroy the entire male population.


----------



## HLGStrider

Fortunately, she was stopped by Katherine the Shrew who wanted to do that herself and they got into a fight which involved a lot of chair tossing. Then Prospero turned them all into elephants. Leia the Elephant weighted three tons so no more men were making goo-goo eyes at her, and she was very happy. Bob, on the other hand, was baffled by a shrew turned elephant who seemed to be making goo-goo eyes at him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

He decided it was pointless to live and took his own life but not before he said, "I will not be happy if i'm reincarnated as a chair."


----------



## HLGStrider

So he was. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and since chairs cant talk the point of the story left bob and turned into:

Sessy-san and Indiana Jones: The first battle


----------



## Estrella

At this point The Enterprise appeared on the scene. Captain Kirk and spock with his dog spot stepped out. " Captian" said scotty, taking a drink of wisky. " this doesn't look like KoKoamo to me. You said we were were going to the Flordia keys, To a place to called Kokoamo."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Indiana jones said, "Kokoamo is spelled funny..." as he looked through his bag to find his flask of water. Sessoumaru said, "Where is that hair dryer?" while he hurried through his bag to find his hair dryer. Bob as a chair thought, "Dumb reincarnation...make bob chair...now bob cant talk...stupid reincarnation." he thought in the living room of Bill Gates. Bill gates happend to be sitting on Bob the chair and looking at all the threatening emails saying: I hate microsoft...there's always an error this error that. GAh! Bill just laughed and said "1 down 455555555555555555555566677778898999000112222333 to go"


----------



## Estrella

Captain Kirk then looked at Sessy-San and Indiana Jones, and said " well lets go then."


----------



## spirit

455555555555555555555566677778898999000112222332 to go!

god damn it! itz gonna take ages! i am gonna go on a coffee breaknow!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sessy- San yelled, "I havent even showerd yet we cant leave. I refuse to!"


----------



## HLGStrider

He couldn't shower because Bob the chair was using the bathtub and taking up the entire bathroom. Bill had felt sorry for his chair and filled the entire tub with grape scented bubble bath and now Bob was getting a good scrubbing.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

sessy-san yelled, "Bill, I need to shower my hairs all greasy and i cant possilby go out like that"


----------



## HLGStrider

"Come on, Sess," Bill yelled. "I'm Bill Gates and this is my house! I have 63 and one-fourth bathrooms! Why must you use this particular one?" 

Sessy went to look for another bathroom, but with his luck, all he could find was the one-fourth bathroom.


----------



## spirit

he did some magic to try to make is all come but but instead he made the one-fourth dissapear


----------



## HLGStrider

And all he could do was cry. . .Meanwhile, Bob was getting sick of being a chair and the bathroom fairy took pity on him, covered him with bath salts, hit him three times with the toilet plunger and turned him into a . . .


----------



## Estrella

duck. A purple duck to be exact, he smelled exactly like the bath salts, Sugar Plum. He started to quack just as Sessy-san bust in. " Bob, get out!" But he saw no chair, just a purple duck. " ohh sugar plums..."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sessy- san kicked out the duck and showerd. Then he spend 5 more hours blow drying, spraying, and all around caring for his hair.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which then fell out and made a mess on the floor!

Bill was now enraged and the bathroom fairy wasn't that happy either.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar was displeased with Eglee's unusually cruely toward her beloved Sessy-san and deledted that event so it didnt happen and Sessy-san sitll had is gorgeous hair!


----------



## HLGStrider

But it was pink which did put a damper on things somewhat. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

too bad for eglee's evil desieres he dyed it white...


----------



## HLGStrider

Which didn't look at all bad, and Elgee was satisfied. However, Bob, who didn't like to be a duck, wasn't, and began to search for the true meaning of life which he was sure involved playing cards, frozen yogurt, and the Spanish langauge.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he learned all that and decided it wasnt bad being a duck


----------



## HLGStrider

Especially now that he was a yogurt eating, card playing, Spanish speaking duck. . .Un Pato!

He sat there feeling very proud of himself on top of Bill's mantal. Bill didn't mind because he would pretend Bob was a hunting trophy. . .then some very radical animal rights activists came to dinner!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and boy did he wish he wasnt a duck then! They were all....freaky like....for lack of a better word. Then JImminey cricket came!

"hello bob, formerly chair now duck! I"m your concious what do you want for a wish?" bob, formerly chair now duck was like

"quack quack?" <isnt that my fairy godmother?> jimmeny was mad and went off muttering,

"just cause i am nto as pretty i get picked on all time!" Bob was hurt and said,

"quack, quack" <wait im sorry!> the cricked glared back saying,

"w.e im off."


----------



## Estrella

So Bob then flew and swalloed Jimmeny whole!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

little good that did him tho...the narrator thought...then Bob's fairy godmother came. when she began to sing Bibidie-Bobidie-Boo Bob told her to shut up. She shrugged her shoulders and did. Then she said,

"You have one wish what is it?" Bob thought for a minute and replied...


----------



## Lifeling

I want a spongebob plushie!


----------



## HLGStrider

But this was against the rules so the Fairy Godmother did the next best thing and gave him a big wet kiss. Bob wasn't all that certain that this was the next best thing, and he informed her of the fact. She hit him on the head with a staple gun.


----------



## Lifeling

Which sent a staple straight into his head... so hes running around screaming, "How could you, he was a nice parakeet!!" while blood is gushing from his head...


----------



## Estrella

Bob then feel over and died, and they all had roast duck for Dinner. And sugarplum pudding for dessert!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob teh got reincarneated as a fork...dont ask me why?


----------



## Estrella

bob was sitting in an old lady's kitchen. " Now Hansel, Grettel, get into the pot like good children" she said.


----------



## spirit

THey were really stupid so they decided to get in there and take the witch in with her too!


----------



## spirit

as the three of them got in BoB decided to light the pot and put a firecracher in the room! and some TNT! he lit it and them ran as far as he could!


----------



## Estrella

The Ginger bread house thus melted into a a very twisted smore, with chocolate, marshmellows, grahm crackers and gummy bears. Bob brought a sample of this to the local candy store.


----------



## HLGStrider

They stole his recipe and made millions of dollars and Bob was left to sob alone.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then Bob went to his house and his mom was making him Ginger Bread cookies. He was even sadder. He ate the cookies anyways. He went outside and everybody was running in a marathon. He decided to just start running with everybody


----------



## HLGStrider

He didn't look where he was going and ran straight into a brick wall. He saw stars (mainly Elvis and Harrison Ford who were tango-ing) and then blacked out. He awoke in the maternity ward of the hospital, and heard a doctor announce, "Congratulations! Twins!" Bob screamed.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and somehow all this occured with bob being a common ktchen utensil


----------



## HLGStrider

This was possible because Bob was not just any fork! He was a _salad_ fork . . .which of course makes _everything _ possible


----------



## Estrella

Bob looked at the Cocktail fork in the bed beside him, named Cindy.


----------



## HLGStrider

She was Bob's long lost sister! No wait. . .it wasn't. . .It was his long lost sister's evil twin! Bob did not know this however, and greeted her warmly and brought her a new mercedes.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

than Darth Forker, his once Fedi father, now fith lord decided to cut off bob's prongs.


----------



## BlackCaptain

But no! Bob grabbed some flowers that magicaly sprung from the ground and threw them at Darth Forker, sending him into the world of Blind people! Bob made a quick escape!


----------



## HLGStrider

He jumped out of a window and landed in the back of a garbage truck that was owned by a secret government agency located deep in the Sierra Nevadas. . .An agency designed to design new agencies and stop all tv sitcoms from taking over the world!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

A random bystander shook is bald head and commented to his other bald friends, "Eh, young people these days, they move to fast." HIs bald friends nodded.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob started running insanely until he entered another room, looking like a bar or pub of some sort. Everyone had really long hair, and ferrets were running around yelling strange things at eachother... "You're a mean **** breath!" "No your name is stupid!" 

Bob continued running when he discovered they were playing limbo and serving Pinya Coladas in the corner

EDIT - The sytstem zapped F A R T ?!?!


----------



## HLGStrider

Then someone shrieked: "THE MOSQUITOS ARE COMING!" And it wasn't true. . .They were midges!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and merry commetned, "What do they eat when the cant get hobbit."


----------



## BlackCaptain

And Sam commented "I usualy don't go for foriegn food, but this human stuff; it's pretty good!" while knawing on Bob's leg. Bob ran away with 2 angry hobbits and 7 midges chasing him madly. He ran into a light-pole


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was really the phial of Galadriel being wielded by...Sesshoumaru...(how did he get to weild that!)


----------



## BlackCaptain

Sesshoumarou laughed as loud as he could and his face turned red. Bob quickly stole the phial and shoved it in his open mouth, rending him choked. Bob made yet another quick escape, now with hobbits, midges, and choking red wierd people running after him.


----------



## HLGStrider

They all started throwing tomatoes which Bob was alergic too. Everytime he got hit with one he sneezed and broke into purple spots!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sessshoumaru however did not choke....and he followed bob, captured him, and took bob hostage by tickling him with his feather boa???/tail??? (what is that thingy?)

ooc:this is a pic of fluffly so u know what i'm talking about?


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob burst into laughing so uncontrollably that he scared the tickler away... temporarily. He got up and bought himself a soda


----------



## HLGStrider

It was full of sea monkeys. ..which Bob found to be quite odd so he asked for a refill. 

"That'll be thirty-two cents, please." Bob gave them a fifty cents piece and they gave him twenty dollars in change and a stamp.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sesshoumaru was royally pissed off because he did not know his tailish thing had a mind of its own, secondly it ran off and he never got to find out what it really was, thirdly he had no phial of galadriel, and he was broke and could not get a soda. Bob on the other hand was v. happy with his soda and scaring away the tailish thing, and having the phial of galadriel. Sesshoumaru prayed to bruce almighty and recieved evertying he lost ,he also found out that his tailish thing was a...well bruce didnt quite figure that out.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then Stan yelled, "Oh my gawd! Sesshoumaru's a _girl_!"

And Kyle yelled, "You fruit basket!"

And Cartman yelled, "Pass the fritters!"

And Kenney yelled, "Mmm mmm fmm mm mmk!"

And the My Little Ponies yelled, "The Fraggles are coming! The Fraggles are coming!"

And the Fraggles yelled, "I like potatoes!"

And HobbitGirl yelled, "I _am_ a potato! Or at least I used to be...hey wait! What am I now if I'm not a potato?" She sat down where she was and thought and thought and thought.

And David Lee Roth said quite calmly, intellingently, and sanely, "Come, Wendy, let us jump the hilly brush."


----------



## Estrella

At this point, everything stopped, and everyone stood in Suspended animation. Neo and Link appeared, all in black ( of course  ) and said darn, the Matrix is messing up....


----------



## spirit

suddenly justin timberlake came in out of no where again and said 'i will put it right'


----------



## BlackCaptain

The Backstreet boys sudenly flew into the scene. "Not if I have anything to say about it" said Nick. He then ate Justin's arm


----------



## HLGStrider

Ten arms grew back in its place! Then he sprouted and extra head and two more eyes on the back of his three necks! And his hair started flashing different collors and then we learned the truth!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Now, being called a girl Sesshoumaru swore vengance on the entire population...he knew he was beautiful...but he was not girl...niether was he gay...but bob seemed to think he was and began hitting on him.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob was slapped, and he started to cry. A vampire came up and started drinking his tears. Sesshoumaru slapped the vampire as well. Bob was quite angry that his manners were so horrible and stopped hitting on him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sesshoumaru proudly walked back into feudal japan leaving bob all alone


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob then started swimming across the atlantic ocean. A giant Octopus swallowed him up when he was in the english channel. Bob started to live in there for a while...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

acutally he enjoyed living there so much he hired an interior decorater and made himself at home with the shabby chic design style.


----------



## Estrella

But then Handyman Bob Villian popped in and destroyed everything.


----------



## Celebthôl

YAY!!! i make the 2000 aswell and the 1000 

And everything was destoyed  and Bob again began to fall....


----------



## BlackCaptain

Into a space-time continuum! He fell and fell forever, watching twisted clocks and the sort. He then see's a white rabbit run across with Alice chasing after him


----------



## Celebthôl

So he whips out his shotty and takes a shot....


----------



## BlackCaptain

It hits her and she explodes, causing Bob to fall asleep because her fairy dust sprinkles on him


----------



## Celebthôl

When he wakes up he is on a hot air balloon floating about...


----------



## BlackCaptain

He falls off and lands in the same bar where the Midges wen't phsyco on him. He ran out, stole a Toyota Previa and took to the highways.


----------



## Celebthôl

where he crashed as he had a midgie it his eye and he...


----------



## BlackCaptain

Sneezed. But he forgot to close his eyes! Which forced the Midge to fly forward through the window. Bob got out and was abducted by aliens where they...


----------



## Celebthôl

...poked him with a giant finger and he chuckeled and surrendered


----------



## BlackCaptain

Surrendered his tickleishness! Bob took control of the ship after locking the Aliens up in a Ziplock® Bag. He took a quick pit stop at the Eiffle Tower


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"why was he doing that you might wonder...." the narrator didnt really know


----------



## BlackCaptain

Neither did Bob. He swam backacross the Atlantic, after finding the lost city of Atlantas. He was now married to a Mermaid


----------



## HLGStrider

It was all because Tar had a full pm box which sent the world into chaos. . .and from that chaos arose one supreme leader of the entire universe. . .the one. . .the only. . .RUBBER DUCKY OF WESTMARCH!

"Hello, Dad," he said.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

And now that Tar had been informed of her full pm box by eglee the world was in order and the rubber duck of westmarch got his very own foot massage


----------



## HLGStrider

Then dogs nibbled on his toes! OH THE AGONY!


----------



## BlackCaptain

But they stopped once the cat's came in and started yelling crazy things at Bob. The dogs got scared and turned themselves into Venus Flytraps


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

why??you might ask..b.ecause they really liked ham


----------



## BlackCaptain

Mixed with Salsa and liver


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob decidd that was a rather nasty meal and stuckw itht he sushi


----------



## BlackCaptain

While he was eating his sushi at a McDonalds on the southern coast of Mexico, he ran into a fine old chap named Mr.Worthalotofmoney. Mr.Worthalotofmoney was poor, and looking for a job. Bob tried to find him one


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but he couldnlt lucky for mr worthalotofmoney that he was the related to bill gates


----------



## BlackCaptain

Mr.Worthalotofmoney gave Bob 50 bajillion dollars (which was merely pocket change for him) for his efforts at him finding a job. Bob went out and bought 20 Bajillion gumballs at Meijer


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

why gumballs and Mijjers...


----------



## Estrella

It turns out bob had gotten a tip from the Rat Mafia that teh Gumballs had the all rare precious metal Goobstan in them. Turns out the tip was wrong, and bob found a cat to eat the Rat Mafia.


----------



## BlackCaptain

After that was done, Bob went into a large building. Strangely it was his house, and his mom made him cookies


----------



## Celebthôl

Which he gobbled down and thanked her....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then he moved of africa with Karen Blixen


----------



## HLGStrider

They sat in a Bubble Gum tree and sang "Sweet Home Chicago."

They did the entire Blues Brother's soundtrack, but this attracted Carrie Fischer who attacked them with an X-Wing and a bag of pizza left overs which she used to. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

poison there toes then she met the great white hunter....or was that robert redford in disguise


----------



## Celebthôl

After that he got totally confused as there were so many people here that he didnt know, they were even trying to kill him with pizza leftovers, so he...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Jumped off of a building, and somehow lived through the experience, and found that Buddah, or whoever was up their had given up on reincarnation and Bob together and made him immortal


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob liked being immortal, so he ate up all of Mexico. He got indegestion from all of the tacos though


----------



## HLGStrider

He went looking for a gigantic dose of peptobismo but all he found was asprin. . .so he ate that and immeditately turned purple. Budha struck him down for his impertanence.

"Now now," said cowboy Bob, "That isn't the cowboy way."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

A very confused bob said, 'toto i dont think were in kansas anymore."


----------



## Estrella

NO they were actually in Ohio, at the Pie eating contest.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob didnt want to be anywhere but his home in the begining of the story (what was that called? Its been so long) he whined, " I wanna go home to that place iw as in the begining of the story!"


----------



## BlackCaptain

So poof! He traveled through time but missed his house horribly, landing in a gigantic statue of Fidel Castro. He sat and thought about what it would be like to burn flowers...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

seeing as BC or bob was a pyro fidel arested him for thinking


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC had no idea what Tar just said because it made absolutely no sense. Bob would fall in love with Tar if she told his good pyro friend BC ...

Bob now decided to go ahead and burn flowers, and got arrested for doing the earth too big a favor


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar apologized for her misundestood insult,she was in a pissy mood while bob was in jail met Amos Jaspesonwinkle, who was a retired nasa scientist and hated periods


----------



## BlackCaptain

Magicaly everything that anyone in the entire world thought for the last 5 years was forgotten and Bob was at his house again... right back where he started oh so many posts ago...

Bob went downstairs and ate the chicken instead of the egg.


----------



## HLGStrider

Stanley Edwards Brocoli the Second came through the door and hit Bob over the head with an artechoke for only having one name!


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then Madona came in and saved Bob's life by eating the Broccoli up. There was a big romantic kiss but then Madona turned into Sesshoumaru! He ripped off his mask and started chasing after Bob


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc: someone metioned sessy-san besides me!

but bob's only intent was to kill him


----------



## BlackCaptain

And he tried to, but Sesshoumaru could only be destroyed in the Cracks of Mt. Doom. So Bob found his way to Mt. Doom and led Sesshoumaru up and into it. Sesshoumaru found a shiny Ring laying on the ground, picked it up, started dancing for no apparent reason, tripped, and fell in. 

Bob started dancing too, and fell in. Luckily there was a heat resistant snail that saved his life and flew Bob to safety


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar yelled "REWIND!" and now that never happend. and Sesshoumaru was safely in the warring states era chassing after tetsugia.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And Bob's part now turned into an Afro. Friday Night Fever baby! Here Bob Comes!

Bob did the Charlseton instead


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so he decided to join gatsby at his party watching


----------



## BlackCaptain

When he was done watching, he left and couldn't find a ride. He started walking and walking. His snail friend met up with him and they had a lovely dinner at Snails'R'Us.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

then after dinner bob ate figs from Cleopatra's palace


----------



## HLGStrider

One of them had a green and white worm inside, and it is a great crime in Egypt to eat a green and white worm due to them being protected under the 1787 law which forbids the eating of any worm protected under the 1687 law which forbids the eating of any worm not protected under the 1289 law which forbids eating any worm that is not green and white. . .

Basically, in Egypt it is illegal to eat worms.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Luckily Bob was in Canada where it was only illeagle to eat birds. Bob ate the worms


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob looked about, wondering why Cleopatra's palace was in Canada, and the worms began to beg for mercy, which prompted the Canadian courts to make a worm protection act. Bob was caught up in the middle of a GIANT lawsuit.

He got Scott Petersen's lawyer and then appeared on Greta Van Sustren (who had earlier been vaporized with the rest of the Fox personel, but was hosting a "dead people's" show on the physic network).


----------



## BlackCaptain

Luckily, Bob had wed the Judge before the case took place, so he won. He got 50 bajillion dollars. He went to see Mr.Worthalotofmoney to show off and brag.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Then a particularly ugly looking reporter questioned bob saying,

"How did you do it! You swine...you ate poor defenseles worms...did they say it as alright with them!" Bob looked at the stupid woman and yellled,

"Worms cant even talk you wench!"


----------



## HLGStrider

She blinked. Looked around, and said, "Oh. . ."

She had never thought of this before. In fact, she had never thought at all before. Now her mind was opened. Bob had opened it. She could think. . .

She threw herself at his feet begging him to marry her. He took pity on the ugly creature, kissed her, and she turned into Reese Witherspoon. Now she and Bob married and ran to Hawaii. . .

Unfortunately, the judge persued them and arrested Bob for bigamy.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob being dumb asked, "whats Bigamy?"


----------



## spirit

"look it up in the dictionary to stupid idiot!" said the judge


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"O...ok" Bob said and ran off to cry


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob ran all the way until he got to Madison Square Garden. He ran inside and people found him, but make up on, gave him a costume, mask, and gloves. The pushed him out and there was a big Ring. He started wrestling someone who goes by the name of Kane.


----------



## HLGStrider

He was squashed into a pancake and served up with Maple syrup for supper to a large family of Irish Wolfhounds who were all complaining because their ale had gone flat.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

too bad bob wasnt a glass of ale


----------



## HLGStrider

"Well," thought Bob, "at least I'm not flat. . ."

Though considering that he was a pancake like thing he was flat, which was a fallacy in his reasoning.


----------



## BlackCaptain

The wolves started playing frisbee with Bob, until they stopped having fun. Bob was all alone and flatter than a flaty mc'flatflat.


----------



## HLGStrider

He hit the bubble gum tree and stuck to the side. Robin Hood showed up, painted a series of red circles on him, and used him for target practice.

"I feel your pain," said Boromir.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Which he did, because that very moment the Ted Nugent shot an arrow right at Boromir's left pinky toe. It killed Boromir. Bob ran as fast as he could, because he was back to normal. He tripped and fell into Moria


----------



## HLGStrider

He fell for a long while, but after awhile, he got used to it and landed on a Balrog.


----------



## BlackCaptain

They became good friends and had a tea party. They had Orc for breakfast.

Then Wonks came in and joined the tea party. "Yrch?" offered Bob. "Yrch? Yes please!" replied Wonks. They ate in happieness


----------



## HLGStrider

It was so nice that they didn't notice that it was starting to rain. . .actually, it wasn't rain, exactly. . .it was some purple stuff that the king had summoned even though Barthlomew had told him not to!


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob wasn't enjoying his company, so decided to leave. He met Gandalf on the way. Gandalf told him to fly, and that he was a fool. So, low and behold, Bob jumps down into the great Chasm flapping his arms crazily


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Amd Tar lay languidly on a raft in a swimming pool in florida having virgin strawberry dacaris


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob landed on her. It wasn't a pretty sight. So much water, so much belly smackingness... Bob started swimming laps because all of the spectators told him to. Tar still sat in the middle just enjoying world class swimming. But that was BEFORE the dragon came and ate allthe spectators. And BEFORE chipmunks laid seige to the pool


----------



## HLGStrider

Gandalf smacked his head with his hand and said, "Why do I bother? Why do I even try?" 

He then entered politics and became president of Moldova. He hired Bob to clean the stables, but the chipmunks wouldn't let him have him.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar grew very bored of this waiting for her LOTR DVd to work in her new labtop.


----------



## BlackCaptain

So she punched it really hard and it worked! The chipmunks left in awe of the awesome power of Tar. The dragon even got scared and cried. The air-force came in and brought Tar and Bob to the white house. Tar became the president, Bob became the first man. But who said they were married?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

they were, but Tar didnt know the meaning of fidelty....it mattered little...as she did SUCH a good job administering justice


----------



## BlackCaptain

When her term was up, she ran again, but lost to the Chipmunk king. A acornship was laid to all of America, and it was changed from the USA to the UAOTA. United Acorns Of Total Acornnessmenship. A

"Accorns yesterday, Accorns today, and blimey, if it don't look like Accorns again tomorrer," said one of the trolls


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

tar innocnetly wonderd where bob , her husband was, then rememberd her role model Catherine the Great of Russia and decided she didnt care much then she formed a resistance group to the chipmunk king and BC, HGLstrider, and Bob joined along with alot of other people


----------



## BlackCaptain

A fierce debate arose between the resistance and the evil Russian people, because the russians were now evil. Motzart came in and started playing greensleaves, but was interupted when Kane came back and chokelsamed him. 

Sesshoumaru flew in from the cieling and had spongebob with him this time. Sauron ate the sponge-impersonater of Bob, and war broke loose.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar asked Sesshoumaru if he would be so kind to join. Sesshoumaru said yes took Tar in his arms and kissed her...tar was very happy. Bob was too.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Kane wasn't. He chokeslamed everyone except for Tar and Elgee, because they were ladies. He drank fine Mexican wine, and ate Sauron's ring for dinner


----------



## Estrella

At this point The Minature Golf Moles wandered in all in a line. "Oy Grizzy!" yelled one. " this doesn't sound like Koko beach to me! you didn't read the map!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

tar whacked Kane on the head and said, "Now Kane you apologize to Sesshoumaru!" Kane submitted and did so. Tar sat down happy, and bob said, "what about me honey?" Tar didnt respond


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was so heartbroken that he jumped off the eifle tower and landed on a taxi cab driven by Oscar the grouch!


----------



## BlackCaptain

Oscar just happened to be going to Sesamae Street. Bob met Big Bird who took Bob's blues right away. Bob went back and whacked Tar across the head. "Are you going to apologize for that?" he asked. She responded this time saying:...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar thought a moment about this while rubbing her sore head and said, " i am bob, I should hold you in more regard as you are my lawfully wedded husband." So tar whacked kane and said ,"Apologize to bob"


----------



## HLGStrider

Kane did and Bob smiled and gave Tar a dimond ring!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar gratfuly accpeted the ring and kissed bob on the cheek Sessy felt jealous but tar assured him.


----------



## spirit

but sessy was still not too sure


----------



## Estrella

At this point they got caught in a time loop, and the same scene repeated itself for a hundred years!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar stopped this divorced bob and married Sessy


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was now five hundred years old and had rhumitoid arthritis. . .But B'lana Torres, who the Holograms had captured along with Harry, cured him using a plasma injector.


----------



## BlackCaptain

When he was all better, Bob went off and bought himself a guitar. He became rich and famous and bought 50 billion dimond rings from Mr.Worthalotofmoney and gave them to Tar to try and win her heart.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar, being one who loves gifts accepted them, but said to bob, "I never married you for love. So please dont waste any more money on me"


----------



## BlackCaptain

So Bob bought her a new McGriddle from McDonalds. It tasted good, but wierd


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar then was no longer hungry, but she was alsso mad at bob's persistence. However instead of being angry she took a benevolent turn and bestowed a kiss on bob's cheek saying, 
" I'm so sorry i dont love you, please be happy and leave me alone." Then she walked away hand in hand with Sesshoumaru


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob cried, and ordered Kane to chokeslam Sesshoumaru. Kane chokeslamed Bob instead. Bob got up then ran away crying, his feelings (and spinal cord) broken


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar and Sesshoumar were happy, bob was not. Bob begged buddah to grant him his wish of gaining back Tar, however buddah turned bob into a perverted monk


----------



## BlackCaptain

ey! A perverted monk*ey*! Bob ran around climbing on trees at the zoo making the spectators nausious... Very nausious... Kane chokeslamed the budah and made him turn bob into a big time wrestler.


----------



## HLGStrider

He took on spider man and got his rear kicked. Poor Bob . . .he wept and moaned and sobbed and was webbed.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and eveyone laughed at Bob! He prayed to Buddah," make Tar fall in love with me!" Buddah turned bob back into a perverted monk named miroku.


----------



## BlackCaptain

The bob tried to take over the world using his perverted charm... That didnt get too far... He was arested and put in jail cell #1 at the Gotham City penetentiary. Right next to Joker


----------



## HobbitGirl

Then the Chinese screamed bloody murder at the excessive amount of Japanese anime characters. The Chinese were too busy making shoes for all the lowly Americans (), so they got the French to make war on Japan. True, the French hadn't gotten any military action in a while, but they still knew how to be bloody. They had decapitated the whole royal family, remember. So the French stormed Japan, bringing nukes and crussants and guillotines. Bye bye Japan.


----------



## Estrella

The sailor scouts,( who live in Tokyo!) transformed, and started to kick the french's butts. But Serana got her pigtails cut off by a Guillatine, and then she got really angry.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And then some general dude, who was a shrimp, literally, screamed, "Kill zos Sailor wenches! Ze are ruining our glourious campeegn! You! Bring me zee crussant catipult!" General Shrimp began to launch flaming crussants at the sailor scouts. And then the French brought out thier other catipults, and began hurling cows, horses, pigs, churches, and Jerry Springers at the Sailor wenches. Shrimp began using taunting tactics. "Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!" he shouted. It was only a matter of time before the Japanese were utterly defeated.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And when they were, a big party was thrown to celebrate. Madona came accompanied by Sesshoumaru. Tar was heart broken and wed Bob finaly. Kane cried


----------



## HobbitGirl

And the French rejoiced, for now they had captured Japan and were about to get rich off of Sony and Mitusbishi. The French dumped all of the sake in Japan into the harbour, for it tasted like sweaty gym socks. Then they distributed Moet et Chandon. The Japanese nodded in approval. Cause if Moet is good enough for Queen, tis good enough for anyone.

Now there was an issue of cultural exchange. The Japanese tried the fatted duck liver stuff that the French are so very fond of, and they almost puked. Very few French would even try sushi; who wanted to eat raw fish? But those who did try it were hooked. Sushi is good; duck liver is not. Period.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob continued eating all the food, and Kane choked. So he slammed himself... Chokeslammed himself... That is. IT hurt, but the sushi went out of his throat. Homer Simpson laughed.

Pippin was eating Tomatos and laughed at Kane. Kane set his Tomatoes on fire. "Oh thats nice! Ash on my Tomatoes!" said Pippin


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Jerry Springer ran for the Senate and Sean Hannity hit his head into his desk saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and the kitties took over all the major tv networks and started broadcasting only meowmix commericals.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And the Dogs were angry. They sent out Huan and he failed miserably to destroy their leader Ivenhoe. Elgee lauged evily knowing that none would destroy her empire except for one...

KANE!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar meanwhile liked bob better as the perverted monk, he afterall was from the same tv show as sesshoumaru. TAr had an idea to take over the word


----------



## Estrella

Tar knew that the annual oktoberfest would soon be arriving in Austraila, and she knew that complete strangers would soon be sitting together. She planned to get them all angry at each other, so they'd choke each other on Brautworsts.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Instead they took the detour on the highway. It lead to Mushrroms. Merry was standing there with a Scream Mask on and a plastic Butcher Knife. It was scary. Bob laughed though, only to get punched in the knee


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar was devestated (not to mention wondering how insane the the ttf people were) at this failure of her plan, but not to worry with Miroku(bob) the perverted monk at her side they established a new plan


----------



## BlackCaptain

So they went thru with their plan, but it failed because the detonator was really in reality a Microwave


----------



## Feanorian

so they opened the microwave and found a tantalizing baked potato with cheese and sourcream


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob ate it and threw it up on Kane's brand new black shiny boots. You can guess what Kane did... 

(Chokeslammed Bob)


----------



## Feanorian

but then the Undertaker brother of Kane said "hey cant we all get along?" so they went for starbucks and had a delightful time.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And Kane got his revenge on undertaker by splashing the super hot coffee all over Undertaker's face, scarring him forever, forcing him to wear a mask as well. Undertaker accepted it, and they all got along. Now Bob had two evil body gaurds


----------



## Feanorian

Whom he preceded to eradicat because he realized Midgets would be so much cooler.


----------



## BlackCaptain

The midgets tombstoned the brothers and Bob laughed. He didn't even want to marry Tar anymore! Why get married when you've got midgets?! Bob lauged evily, and tried to become the Witch King of Morgul


----------



## Feanorian

However when he got there he discovered that Snow White had just assumed the title Witch Queen of Morgul. He found himself in this pickle and decided to dress his midgets up as dwarves and try to assinate Snow White...uh I mean the Witch Queen of Morgul however when they got to the grand hall they realized that there Gimli outfits from the costume shop stood out a little but and they were arrested. They were then forced into midget labor which mainly consisted of being footrests and tying shoes.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then Sesshoumaru came in and saved the day! There were lots of fireworks. The midgets lit most of them however cuz Sesshoumaru was far to tired from all the life saving. Meanwhile, Bob snuck out and hit the highway and came to a town called Silvertown


----------



## Feanorian

and the town was at War with Goldtown and Bronzetown for element supremacy. Goldtown had the best looking army but the bronze was the heaviest. However the winner was Silvertown because of their ally Platinumtown came to their aid. They saw Bob at town hall and gave him all of the credit. He was now the mayor of Silvertown.


----------



## BlackCaptain

He met a man named Joe Dirt and stole his Hemmy Cuda from him. Poor Dirt...


----------



## Feanorian

He then left in the Hemmy and went to the nearest bar to drink away the days strange events.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And the Japanese staged a revolt, with Silvertown and Platnum town with them. They caught the French off guard, and _voila!_ The Japanese were free again! Then there was much joy, and elation, and celebration, and feasting on pears, and plums, and fruit bats....

...and ham-fried bacon, and bacon-fried ham, and ham fried rice.

And then Sir Lancelot tried to throw the Holy Hand Grenade of Anitoch at Bob, but accidentally blew his hand off. As a result, all explosives, discounting sparkelers and snakes, were banned from the states of Utah and Colorado. Fortunately, shells were still legal in Wyoming, and the fourth of July was saved.

Huzzah.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And Kane and Undertaker were adgetated because HobbitGirl's posts are always so scary and confusing . They took their anger out on poor Joe Dirt and double chokeslamed him. "Luckily my neck broke this here fall of mine" he said


----------



## HobbitGirl

And HobbitGirl said, "AGITATE THIS!!" And she did a chokeslam plus a full Nelson combined with an elbow drop on Kane and the Undertaker. All in good humor of course.


----------



## BlackCaptain

So the brothers laughed and were happy. Bob laughed too, but he got chokeslammed instead. Bob was soo sad. He went to the Sears Tower and was about to jump off when...


----------



## HobbitGirl

...the Flying Dutchman flew up and whisked Bob away to the pinneapple under the sea. And who lives in a pinneapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

when his long lost third cousins room mate named Peggy sue anne Marmalade jones told him that his life was too good for this fate.


----------



## HobbitGirl

And HobbitGirl chuckled cause she had beaten Tar to the punch.


----------



## BlackCaptain

But it was the Punch of Stupidness and HobbitGirls IQ went down 50 bajillion points!


----------



## HobbitGirl

HobbitGirl stumbled around, rather incoherent for a while, until she found her foon. Hazily she picked it up. Suddenly power flowed from her fingertips throughout her entire being. She was charged. She was energized. She was no longer stupid. She was a Maiden of the Foon, one of a society of warriors that was a force to be reconed with indeed. Suddenly she burst into song, singing the ancient anthem of the Foon Sisters (as the Maidens of the Foon are sometimes called): Killer Queen. The song rang out through the staduim, and several people held up thier lighters.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar laughed as Hobbit girl struggled


----------



## BlackCaptain

Kane took all the lighters and lit himself on fire because he was so used to it. Undertaker laughed at him. Then Kane set undertaker on fire again, along with the whole crowd


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob got a job in an espresso shop but then he mixed up the mocha and Kona mocha powders and was fired by a nasty guru named Adolf who had a pet snake named George.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

bob was fired becaue he supposedly had an affair with George the pet snake and thye accused him of animal abuse....(eww that was gross)


----------



## HLGStrider

It was so gross that Elgee pouted for them perverting her ridiculous story!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar, and bob apologized for their rudness and rewound the event, so it occured that bob wasnt fired for sexually harrasing the snake, but for putiting to much milke into the espresso


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee stopped pouting and got Bob's job.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and the world rejoiced!

Meanwhile, back in Camelot Sir Lancelot and King Arthur were having an intense discussion.

" Sir Lancelot! I cannot believe how uncouth you are! You ate my last donut!" King Athur shouted as he stared in dismay as Lancelot shoved the last chocolate sprinkle donut in his mouth.

"I thought you were mad about me boinking your wife?" Lancelot said in confusion. King Arthur was sorely offended.

"You think that I'd allow something that foolish to get me down! I'm very offended,and what are you doing eating the last chocolate eclair now you vile pig!" King Arthur yelled in dismay as lancelot starred bewilderd with the chocolate eclair hanging out of his mouth.

"As long as it doesnt bother you Arthur, can I have that last jelly donut?" Lancelot asked, Arthur hit his head against his throne and groaned,

"NO one respects royalty anymore!" Lancelot ate the last donut and walked off


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bob said, "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob then moved to another demension where he saw an alien.


----------



## HLGStrider

Never having seen an Alien before, Bob was not quite sure what to do with it. He put it between two slices of bread with some cheese and took a bite.


----------



## Feanorian

and as he took a bite he noticed he had a nagging case of lock jaw and needed to see a dentist. Upon arriving at the dentist he quickly found out that it was a disco dance club/dentist office. He decided to dance instead of getting help. Besides the dentist was on the dance floor anyways


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So bob had the oddest tooth job known to man kind, his incisor was in the front and his two front teeth were in back...Bob was a mess!


----------



## Estrella

But the dentist was also a plastic surgeon. he got bob mixed up with someone else, and instead gave bob chin implants.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Why did you give me chin implants! How daft


----------



## HLGStrider

The dentist did not like being questioned so he hit Bob with some laughing gas and charged him double the normal price. Bob had to sell himself into slavery to pay for it. He was bought by Howard Dean who wanted to use him as a fundraiser.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so there bob was, wandering around chicago aimlessly wearing a cardboard bilboard over his black suit and trench coat that said,
"Eat slugs now, its better than eating sluts! Support howard deans anit-slug/slut campeign!" Needless to say Bob felt he lived an unfulfilled life


----------



## BlackCaptain

He went to the House of 'dem Blues, and called for the Bartender.

So he came down hee'ar
He said "Whatchu need?"
Bob said "One burbon, one scotch one beer."

Too bad Bob was under age...


----------



## HLGStrider

Nancy Drew, the Ring Wraith in charge of Under Age Drinkers, swept in to destroy Bob, but just then Howard Dean drove up in a pink yugo and yelled out, "UN-HAND MY SANDWITCH BOARD MAN, YOU INFERNAL RING WRAITH OF A TEENAGE DETECTIVE!" 

Nancy Drew snapped her cat of nine tails at him and morphed into Hillary Clinton.

"The White House is mine!" she snarled. Dean fell to the ground and kissed her feet.


----------



## Estrella

and then a herd of rampaging elephants came through, crushing her.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bill, amazed at being suddenly single, invited Bob to go out partying with him and they partied the night away and two or three days and six more nights and one afternoon and two or three mornings. . .it was quite interesting.


----------



## Estrella

They went to a safari party at the zoo. There all the animals got loose, and they we're crushed by a herd of rampaging snakes.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And Mr.Slitherin came in and started crying because Lord of the Rings was so desperately and purpostorously cooler than Harry Potter.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

It's really to bad bob actually wasnt underage, he just looked that way..besides bob never does know how old he is. Then Vicious, a lean mean syndicate man began to chase bob down muttering something along the lines of,
" How dare you see Julia behind my back!" Bob was quite confused and asked,
"Who are you...and who's julia???" Vicious was angerd at Bob and said,
"Aren't you spike???" Bob replied,
"Ehhh...NO!" Vicious walked off and bob wonderd what the hell that was all about


----------



## Feanorian

so Bob being very stressed lite up a jack when he was confronted by Smokey the Bear which was curious because before then he hadent noticed he was in a forest.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and he was put in jail where he met Spike, who asked bob,
"have you been seeing Julia behind my back!" Bob responded,
"Who is Julia...come to think of it who are you!" Spike asked Bob,
"ARe you Vicious?" Bob yelled,
"NOOO!"


----------



## Feanorian

and then he fell out of the prison onto a floating flower which took him to Mt. Doom where he dropped in an engagement dream that said to Vicious from Julia and he said "what?! Everyones doing it!"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob had to find out who this Julia person was? and who knows maybe he would end up going out with Julia! So bob called a private detective to hunt down Julia.


----------



## HLGStrider

They found her but she shot the detective, took the money, and ran. Bob joined forces with Billy Mac, a detective down in Texas
He knows exactly what the fact's is.
He aint gonna let those two escape justice.
He makes a living off other people's taxes.

'GO ON TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. . ."


----------



## Feanorian

but everyone decides they would rather go to a Fleetwood Mac concernt because there have been so many boring 2 hour long specials on them on VH1 lately, they quickly become fanatical groupies.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So Julia ran to the prison and freed spike and they kissed...happy end...until Vicious came holding bob hostage


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was then attacked by the Eagles and the Steve Miller Band and all the other musicians from the generation of Elgee's father.


----------



## Feanorian

and Elvis is alive!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

But seeing as Elvis was Elgee's Grandparents Generation, not her parents, he did not appear in this episode. . .Elgee's Grandmother doesn't even like him!

The Elvis fans were mad because they had wanted Elvis in that episode, so they attacked Journey and the Wheel in the Sky stopped turning.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Which caused the 4 Horsemen of the Apocolypse to come down from the un-rotating wheel and spread fire and ash throughout the whole world. It was terrible. 

Kane felt right at home though... for once he was happy. He had some tea and started chokeslamming cats all over the place. Elgee got so mad that she saved the world, and tickle-tortured Kane right to hell


----------



## spirit

a very evil vampire came and then sucked kane's blood and became the most poverful think on earth! no ome could kill him and all he wanted was hell on earth!


----------



## Feanorian

but his horrible rampage was stopped by a bouncing ball in the road. a little boy ran out to get it and the vampire sad "awww" but the boy was no ordinary boy but Stuey from Family Guy...He blasted the vampire and invited a helpless Kane in for some RandR.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then when the Vampires back was turned Kane sucked all of his blood, making KANE the strongest being in the world! 

But then Kane realised the Vampire was Bob! He tried to save him, but could do nothing! He brought him to Elrond and was all better.


----------



## Feanorian

Then they decided there was nothing left to do for the day except light up some Old Toby and break out shots of Ent drought.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and poor bob being stuck in the middle of this fight he never started! so he crawled in a corner whining," What did i ever do i'm alwasy in trouble and eveyrbody hates me!"


----------



## BlackCaptain

Kane comforted him and made him feel better. Bob and Kane were officialy the coolest people in the world now. 

Meanwhile Tar and Sesshoumaru got in a fight and divorced eachother


----------



## Feanorian

Bob and Kane dethroned Harry and Loyd from Dumb and Dumber as the coolest people in the world but it was alright. So they all got in the dog mobile and went back to Aspen for a reunion.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was just too cool for his own good. So they started to sell Bob Popsicles.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar pulled black captain aside, hit him on the head saying, "We were divorced along time ago, dumb butt!"


----------



## HLGStrider

This was too much for him. He fainted into a pool of monkey stew and was eaten by. . .


----------



## spirit

he was eaten by shelob, and suddenly he woke up screaming like a little girl, and saw that everyone was staring and laughing and pointing at him...


----------



## spirit

he was eaten by shelob, and suddenly he woke up screaming like a little girl, and saw that everyone was staring and laughing and pointing at him...


----------



## Feanorian

which turned out to also be a dream but this time when he woke up people were screaming at him because he had fallen asleep and accidently driven to Mexico instead of Canada where evidently they were trying to go.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So BC, with Bob in his back pack and a spinning head explored the landscapes of mexico


----------



## HLGStrider

He discovered a secret gate that magically and instantaneously transported him to Calcutta. His fortune was made. He set up a business selling trips to Calcutta. Unfortunately no one in Mexico wanted to go to Calcutta, they wanted to go to Istanbul, and a man next door set up another magical gateway that went to Istanbul and Bob lost every bit of his business.


----------



## Feanorian

one night bob had Kane switch the two signs so that people thought his door would take them to Instanbul but the week after that a big boom to go to Calcutta came into town and Bob was put out in the dark again.


----------



## HLGStrider

"CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!" wept Bob. The Enterprise E then crashed next to him and all the crew ran for the hills. Bob looked at the large space ship and a great, money making scheme came into his head.


----------



## Feanorian

this idea however quickly vanished when Bob saw a leaf floating in the wind. he followed it through yet another door to the lost city of Gondolin which was a ghost town.......he quickly remember the space ship....brought it to Gondolin and opened a bar/amusement park...the spaceship became the main nightclub.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar, Elgee, BC, Faenorian, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, the harrison ford triplets and janice came and partyed.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the band started to throw bottles at the customers, which the customers were fine with because they were recyclible bottles and they took them in for the five cents deposit. One of the Bottles, the one that Bob picked up, held a message in it. 

"Help!" it said, "I am being held captive in a bottle factory!"

Bob set out to rescue this fair maiden in the bottle factory. Unbeknownst to him, but knownst to us, this was all a clever ruse designed by. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

By none other than Thomas Crown! and when Renne Russo said,
"Stop it dont hurt them!"


----------



## Feanorian

Thomas Crown was in actualality Pierce Brosnan AKA James Bond and he needed there help to capture the newest villian who was none other then..


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sean Bean, playing 006 who was also known as Alex.


----------



## HLGStrider

Sean Bean, Alex, 006, who was also Harrison Ford (Jack Ryan, Han Solo, Indiana Jones)'s rival in Patriot games, and a generally evil guy, came back as Boromir to redeem himself. ..but he got shot and Bob had to take his place.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar criede becaus she was falling for sean bean cause tar thinks he's really hot!


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob started a shop in Fangorn selling chain mail and beaded helmets that were really quite decorative, but then one day a customer cut down a tree outside his shop and the ents blamed Bob. Bob sobbed for mercy, but they stole all his chain mail and used it for fishing nets and went fishing and the mail all rusted. 

Tar stuck her tongue out at him.


----------



## Feanorian

Deagol's mother who was looking in all the waters of Middle Earth for her son's murderer got caught in the chain-metal. But she still found time to reprimand Tar for bad manners. And who came to her rescue.....Gollum's son..whose mother was........


----------



## Thomas Baggins

Natalie Portman A.K.A queen Amidala, who had fallen for Gollum because of his 'cute little teeth'.


----------



## HLGStrider

She began to dance the tango waving scarves in the air, hypnotizing Bob who began to sing the song that never ends.


----------



## Feanorian

at this point Lambchop the loveable Sheep puppet appeared as did the little kids who always sang the song on his show......this made Kane........overjoyed and he began singing and Bob popped out of his trance.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

But Charley horse felt it necessary to point out that,

"Hey dude!Bob why are you here?" he asked bob, bob shook his head, cursed and replied,

" You tell me!"


----------



## Thomas Baggins

"I would tell you" Charley Horse replied, "but I've lost the power to talk, see." "wait" Bob said, "you're talking now," "no I am not! horses can't talk."...........


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"See really I'm talking." Cheryl( that was her name right?) said. "See bob im a puppet master." she stated putting charly horse down


----------



## HLGStrider

But her name was Sheri. . .so she decided to put Bob through a paper shredder! It was then that everyone realized that Bob was a paper doll.


----------



## Wolfshead

*Comes back to thread after about 40 pages or so...*

Bob, being in grave danger (as a paper doll, you never know what might happen, you might get eaten by a paper-eating sock), obviously got himself into more. Some small green, african mongeese stole him from whoever had him before, and began to toast him lightly over a match. Well, several matches because they kept on going out, and the mongooses burnt their fingers, except mongeese don't really have fingers, more paws and Craig had ought to settle on a fixed plural for mongoose and stop writing in incredibly long and drawn out sentences... like this one.

Then, all of a sudden ********* appeared! ********* saved Bob, and Bob was eternally grateful (rather like the little green aliens in Toy Story). Except Bob didn't know who ********* really was because instead of letters, he had used cunning asterixes! Bob stated this in no uncertain terms to *********, and ********* replied that there was a great need for secrecy, but he was infact.............


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

bob was horified!


----------



## HLGStrider

because everytime he tried to say the name a moderator came in to the room and hit him over the head with a rubber mallet.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

which was pathetic beacause we all know it shouldve been a gavel


----------



## HLGStrider

but they didn't care. They didn't care at all.
Bob cried.


----------



## Thomas Baggins

Suddenly Bob stood up and stoped crying, he was becoming real, not.......  PAPER "Yea!........"


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

he cried as he felt the flesh on his body, but then he got shot..so i gues life wasnt that great afterall.


----------



## HLGStrider

Fortunately he only was shot in the foot. He hopped up and down and up and down, clutching his foot. It became a new dance craze and everyone started to do the Bob Hop. 

Eventually the name was changed to the Hob Bop, however, and Bob's part in it was forgotten by all but a few, deranged individuals on a web-forum somewhere.


----------



## Thomas Baggins

But Bob didn't care that he was almost forgotten, because his last name was full of Hope, even though the Hope had passed away.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Since niether were on mainstreem, prime time TV they actually were forgotten and no longer important to all the newly accepted fads that all sucked anyway


----------



## HLGStrider

It wasn't fair because Bing always got the girl at the end of the Road pictures anyway even though Bob was so much more fun. . .


----------



## Thomas Baggins

But alas he couldn't have everything well at least he was real and not paper. Although thought Bob, 'maybe I have some hope, if I improve, then I can get the girls and be funnier, Hmmmmm.'


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

So he tried this by watching all the Sean Connery James Bond movies (since we all know roger moore was just a big ugly pilaf head anyway). And within two weeks of self changing habbits he was an almost genetic double of (young) sean connery. Sexy welsh accent and all! ^^


----------



## HLGStrider

He drove around town in a Austin Martin and had a grand old time. But whenever he got a date she'd push the wrong button and end up ejected by the ejector seat.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

while this drove away most women, it attracted ***** galore's cousin, who liked getting judo flipped


----------



## HLGStrider

But seeing as the editting software did not approve or Ms. Galore's first name, a perfectly legitamate word in many cases, she had to be striken from Bob's list of possible dates, and he was left alone. . .but he still had his surface to air missiles!


and his trunks. . ..


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but nobody other than the lady with the suffocatingly brilliant intercourse postions named Xenia Onatop from Goldeneye found her way into Bob's car. But since bob wasnt trained in fending off strangling thighs he about died until Xenia was shot....lucky for bob!


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee questions Tar's sense of decency for a moment. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

eglee had every right since tar was very hyper tonight^^She was infact so hyper she began to sing to bob,


----------



## HLGStrider

too much caffine!


----------



## BlackCaptain

And bob joined her and sang duet. Tar felt sad because her fame was being shared and not all for herself


----------



## Thomas Baggins

Bob didn't care though, because he wanted some fame for himself, so he continued to sing, stealing all of Tar's fame untill he was the most famous singer to ever walk the earth and Tar was nought but Tar. But poor Bob lost all his fame when Tar went public with all of her blackmial material that she had on Bob, becoming the most famous blackmialer ever. Even more famous then Bob was with his singing career.


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

*remembers when this story first started*

Bob, gathering all his blackmail and toenail clippers, travelled to Hollywood to unleash the blackmail to the press. But in a freak toenail clipping accident, the H in the HOLLYWOOD sign fell on Bob and crushed both of his legs off.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

whilst tar was very unhappy about how her fellow ttfers regarded her


----------



## BlackCaptain

then the Black Captain came to Hollywood and resurected the H, saving Bob's life in a strange turn of events! He then went and did ANOTHER nice thing and apologized to Tar for making her ridiculous in the ridiculous story


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was so grateful to BC that he begged to become a member of the Nazgul! Bill O'Rielly didn't want to let him join the ranks, however, though Nancy Drew did because she thought he was "Kind of cute." The decision was therefore up to. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ursula andress, you may ask how the first bond woman ever came into this strange story...heck i dont even know!


----------



## HLGStrider

What sort of a name is Ursula anyway?" Bob scowled. He waited for her to make up her mind.


----------



## BlackCaptain

BC regreted to inform Bob that he had abandoned his fellow Nazgûl and tried to find quotes to make himself look big and bad and famous again. He was going old school 

(Look Down)


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ursula andress spoke finally, "Bob can join! It's up to me after all right?" then bond said, "No when they told you that you were to help decide they were deciding to see how stupid you were... i see they've proven thier point."Ursula was shocked as Bond paid Dr. No, 1000 dollars and mutterd, " I expected to much of her.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the tarantula attacked!


----------



## Dáin Ironfoot I

(I love Bond movies!!!)

But the tarantula was not attacking Bob, but instead a cat who was trying to kill Bob! unfortunately, the tarantuala died in the struggle. And then, Bob became a professional cat and kitten exterminator, and went on a cat killing spree in North America. Many dogs and disgruntled employees joined the cause, and soon the cat/kitten killing club spread to the entire world, and every cat was killed and made into the biggest fur coat ever seen, which Bob wore wherever he went.

No cats and or kittens were left alive!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Eglee was very sad and cried a river, that river was named Eglee river!


----------



## BlackCaptain

BC chased Frodo and Arwen to the River and Arwen said something in Elvish causing BC to be all washed up. His new robe was soaked... And it was winter so BC suffered from Pnumonia


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar burst into the scene, wearing the garb of a japanese miko and whacked BC on the head saying,

"Selfish git!"


----------



## BlackCaptain

"So you're not in the limelight for two posts... er... i mean minutes... and i'm selfish is that it?! Well fine! Dark Captain of Mordor now begrudges the Dark Queen of Mordor!" and with that BC stormed off to the home of Godsmack's lead singer (Real life Minas Morgul) 's house and plotted his revenge

OOC - I'm only begrudging you for the story


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar felt highly accomplished and spent the weekend in rivendell hitting on male elves. Bob, arwen, and frodo were really scared.

ooc: I know that!


----------



## BlackCaptain

While in the meantime BC was creating a potion that give you a spell that would drain all evilness from a person and give it to himself! It's a full proof plan, and now in Strawberry and Watermelon!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

While BC planned his revenge tar, in her miko outfit, happily flirted with this black haired elf named Kirean, who was like Soooo bishie and TOTALLY Kawaiii! Even though he had a small issue with refering to himself in the third person.


----------



## Feanorian

Elrond(who had suspicously come back from Aman) dismissed this surfer elf and said "only I can hit on the attractive guests, you fool" and banished him. Aragorn said Arwen was flirting with the pool boy and came to talk to elrond to see what was up with his crazy daughter.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

ooc: thank you faenorian 

Tar was distraught by this dissimisaly of the soo bishie and totally kawaii Kirean and slapped elrond.


----------



## HLGStrider

Then God sent down Kitties from Heaven. And these Kitties were immortal! And they stayed forever!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

The Eglee river dried up, because the cats were all alive, and Tar found her beloved Kirean. Bob and Arwen started to make out.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then BC came out of no where and cast his spell on everyone! But Tar had a wierd reflection spell on so now BC was all lovey dovey. He sat in the river side picking daisey's and looking at the Clouds


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar and Kirean were very happy together, they laughed as drunken elrond started to hit on BC. Bob and Arwen still made out. Wow, they sure had great lung capacity


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then BC took his sword and shoved it up Elronds.... toe-nail because he WAS straight and was getting uncomfortable with Elrond's proposal to send BC on a 'Quest'


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar still talked with Kirin and they soon got married. Elrond was feeling a sorry for himself, but nothing helped whien bob and arwen still made out.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Bob and Arwen eventualy turned into statues and Kane chokeslammed them. Sesshoumaru in the meantime was heart broken that his one true love was taken. He plotted revenge with the fruity BC


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar-ancalime happily giggled knowing that both Kirin and Sesshoumaru were made by the same comic book author!


----------



## Thomas Baggins

Another comic-book hero made his appearance.............................

Suddenly Nightcrawler teleported his way into wherever they were and started teaching Elrond how to teleport which made Elrond happy agian, meanwhile Arwen finally went back to Aragorn who had begun to work on the London subway system down underground, but Aragorn said that he had fallen in love with the dirt and would not leave it. Arwen ran back to the surface yelling about Aragorn becoming some kind of Dwarf.


----------



## HLGStrider

And he had. . .the worlds only six foot five dwarf!

"Let's control the amount of making out in this story," said the editor. "It's getting repetitive."


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

but since this was more of an anthology....some contested the controling of making out.


----------



## BlackCaptain

and there was a big party of all the most famous comic book artists in the world that Steve Stiffler was hosting for some reason. Lots of pie...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Rumiko Takashi met with the clamp artists, and a fight broke out over who's manga was better Inuyasha or x/1999


----------



## Feanorian

And Arnold broke into the room to announce his bid for govoner of Cali and was assualted by BC, Elrond, and Tar....he is actually alot weaker then he looks.........


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

considering Tar, could easily kill him with one bolt of electricity becaues of her electromancy skills....BUT BC got in the way...ooops!


----------



## Thomas Baggins

Too bad BC was standing in a puddle of water, that also had Arnold and TB in it. Suddenly TB started talking in Arnolds voice and Arnold turned into a much different looking Terminator, meanwhile BC was looking like George W. Bush and everyone else was staring in awe at the odd site while Bob was in the background stealing everything of value since no one seemed to mind.


----------



## Feanorian

Bob ran out with all the valueables to be halted by the guy who does all of the $.80 a day can save a child commericals and he said Bob had enough money for 5 life times...........bob began to cry and imediately handed over the loot.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar was disapointed in her lack of attention and cried, eglee hit tar on the head with a woodenspoon while bob groveled at BC's feet


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee then disappeared in a puff of smoke and the Ciggerette police rushed in, accused Bob of smoking in public and killing peopple with second hand smoke, and arrested him

He was to serve years in a high security prison where he was forced to watch the Brasilian Bridge Team practice.


----------



## Thomas Baggins

Manewhile TB with nothing better to do spent the whole time Bob was in prison devising ways to get him out, none of them worked.


----------



## Feanorian

Until he hired the crew from SWAT the new Colin Ferrel movie........they have gone bad since the preview of their movie bombed!!!


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC took them all on single handedly. Until the lady came and bit his magical shin which sent him into a crying spree.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

bc and bob got married in vegas


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC bit Tar's magic shin for getting him so drunk that he didnt knkow what he was doing untill he was already married! BC divorced Bob quickly!


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob now had a hangover and was being used by the ACLU to sue the makers of Crispy Creame Donuts. He did not know why or how or whatever, but he was.


----------



## Feanorian

in the court he was useless...the reason..he kept walking over to KK donuts stand asking for a hot fresh donut....


----------



## HLGStrider

Unfortunately when the ACLU saw the initials KK they went balistic and accused Bob of being a member of the Ku Klux Klan because no ACLU members could count and they didn't know there were three k's in Klu Klux Klan.


----------



## BlackCaptain

But it turned out it was the Krispie Kream Klan! They took over the world and elected Tar as their queen


----------



## Feanorian

and Tar was forced to do some official Queen of the World buisness..............but then she remembered.....she likes Dunkin Donuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

Her followers were so broken hearted at this treason that they all went over Niagra falls in barrels. . .actually, they survived and became famous and made a lot of money, and started a website, and interviewed Ann Coulter but that is another story.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And that story would be far too ridiculous for this one my friends
BC sighs and picks up a suitcase and puts his hat on and walks down the road into the sunset all cinimatic like. Then a worm came out of the ground and smiled for absolutely no reason


----------



## Feanorian

and what country took advantage of the worlds shaky posistion?!?!none other then CANADA.............................but then they asked the US what to do all the time and things went back to normal...


----------



## BlackCaptain

And the worm was happy

Meanwhile Tar was sharing a Crispie Cream with Elrond at Dunkin Doughnuts. BC was off making a potion to cure his fruityness


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar and elrond got into a highly intelligent conversation of why Sauron was not the right person for elrond to want back in his life!Elrond was stubborn indeed!


----------



## Feanorian

and Elrond said: "If I cant hang out with Sauron...I dont want to live!!"........


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then jumped off a cliff. Luckily it was only a 5ft. cliff at a Mini Golf Course so he only spent 3 years in the hospital. It's amazing how quickly those elves recover...


----------



## Feanorian

and who was the only one who came to visit....................................SAURON!!! Infact he stood by him everynight and some say it was only because Elrond had such a nice shoulder to lean on is why he survived.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar gave up on helping the poor git and left elrond forever, But she still sent bob to change Elronds' flowers


----------



## Feanorian

Tar having nothing to do decided to jog in place....*MEANWHILE* In Rivendell* Orcs and Elves had joined together in an alliance against hobbits and were preparing a march upon Bree after which they would take over The Shire. *What will happen to our heros*


----------



## BlackCaptain

They ran away and began building towers in the desolate Southern Angmar. Appearantly they've given up on the digging into the ground gig, and started building above it


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Legolas, commander of the 3rd division said, 
"We shouldn't be fighiting those hobbits! We should join them in slaugtering those sob orcs!" the people in the elvish press mouths became agape.


----------



## Feanorian

and then ITS A BIRD ITS A PLANE NO ITS MANWE...and hes flying drunk....poor guy his career really fell off after the whole Morogoth in the vast gap thing.....what does he really have left to do?


----------



## HLGStrider

Play simcity?

Manwe was a super simcity player. He was celling power to the guy to the west and water to the guy to the east but he couldn't find anyone to import trash for.


----------



## Feanorian

until the dwarves of the lonely mountain contracted him to remove all of the trash they have accumulated since the constant parties started, seeing how they were rich again. one day Manwe was taking a break laughing with some of the high-dwarves around the dinner table and Aule (the valar..not the australian ) came bursting in..."What are you doing with my dwarves!!!" Manwe was scared of Aule because he had a large shovel in his hand which he was going to give to the dwarves for being such special friends.....sounds like trouble in paradise (or Valinor  )


----------



## HLGStrider

Eru was playing checkers with Turin who was complaining about his lot in life. Eru wasn't all that interested and jumped all of Turin's pieces in one move. Turin was very upset and started to complain to Eru's new cupbearer Bob. 

How did Bob get that job? Well. ..I'll tell you. . .


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

meanwhile...Legolas was angry that the war abruptly ended, did his best impression of the General patton scowl. Manwe asked Legolas,

"Whats got you all pe-od???" IN a gruff voice,
Legolas grunted,

"Im a pure warrior, and we should be killing those orcs instead of these hobbits...instead of peice...so they call me a nut! Muhahahhahahahh!!!!" manwe just choke slammed Legolas and walked off.


----------



## Feanorian

Bob got the job after mending Manwe and Aule's relationship, they put in a good word for him. He was just getting comfy with his new job until......Legalos showed up. He then got all giggly like a little girl and ran up to him and said "Orlando Orlando, can I have your autograph?" and Legalos said "That's the last time I am mistaken with that pretty boy, he pulled out his bow and made Bob beg for forgivness and write "Orlando Bloom is a women" 3000 times on a large black board.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Orlando then killed bob for calling him a woman


----------



## HLGStrider

Fortunately it wasn't Bob but his evil twin Bob, which of course is Bob spelt backwards. . .Bob's evil twin was married to the evil twin of Bob's true love Nan. Her name was Nan which is Nan backwards.


----------



## Feanorian

the real Bob thought it was time to get serious with his life and he asked Nan to marry him but as soon as she was about to say yes, Legalos intervened and she asked him for his autograph and he said *in Fonzy Voice* "Ehhh" and they ran off, Legalos looked over his shoulder and said "haha"


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, distressed and distraught and in the depths of dispair, went to work in Azog's sensational slaughter house by way of revenge against Legolas who he christened Leggylass. However, the real Leggylass, who was running for governor in California, sued him for quite a sum and Bob had to go on Sixty Minutes to tell his heart rending story.


----------



## Feanorian

but John Stote said: Give my a break......and suddenly they were all on main street dancing and singing the kit-kat song..."give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that kit kat bar" and bob was happy and Leggylas forgave him...Azog retired to an Elf-ranch is southern Mississippi.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Bob and Leggylass got married and lived Happily ever after????

*tar wonders what part of her mind was taken over to say taht*


----------



## HLGStrider

"It vas the obdula oblangata. . ." said Dr. Einstein.


----------



## Feanorian

> "It vas the obdula oblangata. . ." said Dr. Einstein.




Who had risen from the dead to invoke his revenge upon any and all Dunkin Donut employees.....


----------



## HLGStrider

It is a little known fact that Dr. Einstein died choking on a chocolate donut with those little sprinkles on the top that had been given to him by Tommy Lee Jones while they were chasing down Harrison Ford who was wanted for the terrible Texas accent he did in the Sisko Kid.


----------



## Wolfshead

That little incident climaxed with Tommy Lee Jones dressed in a black suit, holding a big silver gun and Harrison Ford with a whip and hat (as seen in Indiana Jones). However, the archaeologist was killed in a matter of seconds, and the Germans won after all, because Tommy Lee Jones was infact Kaiser Wilhelm in diguise!


----------



## HLGStrider

This was quite a surprise to Dr. Henry Jones Sr who thought that Kaiser Wilhelm was Chief Justic Renquist in disguise.


----------



## Wolfshead

Then Sean Connery's dog, Indiana, strolled in and ate Kaiser Wilhelm/Chief Justice Renquist.


----------



## Feanorian

and then the onlookers got another shock when the dog stood up on two feet and said "This is a test..only a test."


----------



## Wolfshead

Of course, Kaiser Wilhelm/that other guy was understandably miffed, to say the least. So, he picked up a toothpick that was in his pocket (inside the dog) and started stabbing the unfortunate canine... repeatedly.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

mean while the dog,indiana actually talked and said, "DAmmit..I want my name back Junior" Jones replied, " Dont call me junior"


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Indy Jones took a shot gun and shot up the poor dog!


----------



## Wolfshead

Except he missed the dog, and shot his father instead. Except his father was really Bob in disguise! (I have no idea where Bob's gone, I haven't been here for a while  ). Bob fell to floor crying out in agony, and asking for Ernie from Sesame Street to sing him a song about bath time.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and as usual, bob lived, in his own twisted way he alwaays has lived, alone, switching demensions, dying, being reincarnated, being stalked by eglee, TAr, elrond, the harrison fords, and all the rest, and as he sat in a lonely park bench, he sighed deeply. A small moaning sound, smybolizing the grief of his survival. 


_all i wanted was to be loved by a woman pure and gentle, a woman like meg ryan, or Kate hudson, or Katherine Hepburn before the baggy eyes stage...but i cannot..O woe is me!_ 

And then a woman sat next to him, bob was in shock and asked the woman for her name she said....


----------



## Feanorian

"hey your the guy on the TV!"


----------



## Wolfshead

And Bob groaned and jumped down a nearby man hole, into the sewers below the city. But he jumped into pink goo! Pink goo that looked suspiciously like the pink goo from _Ghostbusters II_!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and again he fell adrift into the land of the movies


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and again he fell adrift into the land of the movies


----------



## HLGStrider

And the laws against double posting stopped him from starting his own florist shop around the corner, so Tom Hanks had him come work for Fox Books.


----------



## Wolfshead

Then Tom Hanks and Fox Books burnt to a crisp. Except, no! Someday had shouted "Run, Forrest, run!" just in time and Tom Hanks escaped onto a space shuttle and went to the moon!


----------



## BlackCaptain

Only to meet Arnold Swartchenager (sp?) who had a group of assault droids with him. Tom Hanks sneezed and the anti gravitation of the moon combined with the monsterous force of the sneeze sent Tom flying back to earth and Arnold flying towards Mars. ''This is not over!'' yelled Arnold as he landed in the giant redness of Mars


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

it was really too bad because it turned out on the moon that Catcher Block was hosting this totally bishie party and like everyone was invited, including Bob who found that companionship comes alot easier when your companion is drunk....but anyways...


----------



## HLGStrider

His drunk companion thought he was Peter Jackson and was trying to get a part in Lord of the Rings Part Four, RETURN OF THE URK HAI!

Bob was befuddled, but not as befuddled as those who had actually read the books.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and for that reason his drunk companion was seeking a part in the new film that befuddled nearly everyone, it would've been o.k. for bob, but the compainion was awfully cuddly...and a squireel???


----------



## BlackCaptain

When the 4th movie was aired everyone was mad becaus it was directed by a man named Peanut Jelly (Commonly reffered to as PJ) completely did it wrong. What a surprise. PJ had Kane play the head of the Uruk Hai, and forgot to put Bom Tombadil in the movie


----------



## Feanorian

the movie came out 1 year late because of Kane...he thought he had become a big shot with his movie roll which ended in him dying at the hands of Aragorn's unkown grandchild who was a......hobbit?!?!?


----------



## BlackCaptain

But Kane came back to life a second time, now seeking vengance upon Aragorn, not the Undertaker! He met Bob and BC on the way and they took a pitstop at an Alice Cooper concert


----------



## HLGStrider

The colored pencils jumped out of the sinks and began to scribble on the toilet paper. . .


----------



## BlackCaptain

And Alice Cooper was sad because the toilet paper was his best friend


----------



## Turin

I know this is an off subject post but I can't believe this story is still going, I saw it like last year sometime, I had no idea it would last this long.


----------



## HLGStrider

It'll last forever! MUHA HA HA!

The toliet paper died a miserable death when Bob used it to decorate Alice's car.


----------



## Feanorian

which was parked in neutral before the meteor.....?


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Sadly, this meteor hit earth whiping out the whole human race, accepting bob.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And then everyone moved to Mars because Earth was now called Bobland.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Mars, after some work turned out to be a haven and a trendy metroplis overtook the unsuspecting planet


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob started a cinnamon tea store and sold tea and crumpets to unsuspecting Englishmen. . .they didn't know the actual cook was his dog, Marty.


----------



## Feanorian

who enjoyed jumping around the top of tree tops which were....


----------



## HLGStrider

blue and green and red and yellow and maroon . ..maroon! When Marty heard that word he was turned into Benjamin Gunn and left to suffer on Treasure Planet, the worst possible way to remake a classic.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Adn bob cried, "I want vinila coke u villian."


----------



## BlackCaptain

And the vinila coke vendor gave him a Mountain Dew and Bob was more than happy. But bob got too hyper from the Dew from the Mountain and started attacking mars with his fleet


----------



## HLGStrider

Unfortunately it was only a fleet of Honda Accords, the new kind that could fly and launch surface to air missiles.


----------



## Feanorian

their slogan: Cheap and Dependable. This however increased wars on Earth which TADA had re-appeared!!!!! IT was all out war between the Hondas and the Nissans, who will win?!?!?!


----------



## HLGStrider

Then the ecoterrorists attacked the Hummer dealership causing Rush Limbaugh, the Prator of Pluto, to laugh at them with scorn.


----------



## Feanorian

as he was laughing a grape he was eating got lodged in his throat. He died, the whole universe joined in singing a song of lament that went like....


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

actually since most japanse companies are fragemtns of old Samurai warlords, it was ratehr funny cause they had these samurai guns


----------



## Valdarmyr

So they all joined in a song of lament for Rush Limbaugh, all except Legolas, for whom the grief was too near, since Rush helped him learn to actually express his feelings for a change and get mad at stuff. When the song was over, Legolas grabbed the Samurai guns and made like Ah-nuld Schwarzenegger, shooting out the tires of all the other recall candidates so they couldn't campaign.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and they all went to church!


----------



## Valdarmyr

Then Bob stepped up to the pulpit and told the congregation, "I will now read from Leviticus 18, Jackson 5."


----------



## HLGStrider

Donny Osmond interrupted the party and started singing the soprano part to "One Bad Apple." Micheal Jackson hit him with a tomato and joined the MIB.


----------



## Feanorian

but Michael scared all of the aliens, he had to quit and join a rodeo


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

the priest died of shock(god rest his soul), but no one seemed to notice while the dance scene went on.


----------



## HLGStrider

The cat in the hat started to juggle Bob who had been transformed into a fish. Bob sunk deep into a cake and Thing one and Thing Two danced with Sally and I.


----------



## Feanorian

until everyone was sucked into an ancient Roman Gladiator fight


----------



## HLGStrider

Of course, Thing One and Thing Two prevailed. They knocked all the Gladiators to kingdom come but the Kingdom that was Coming was unfortunately Disney's magical Kingdom!


----------



## Valdarmyr

So Bob said--"At my signal, unleash Goofy."


----------



## HLGStrider

And hand me the hydrospanners!" Han Solo yelled!


----------



## Valdarmyr

Chewbacca took off after Goofy, and since Calista Flockhart had Chewie on a leash, and she weighed roughly the same as a feather, she went sailing through the air after him, while Harrison Ford yelled, "Hang on, Calista...and may the force be with you!"


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Carrie Fischer decided she was sick of being Leia and wanted to be the Babe from the Blues Brothers. So she blew up Dan Ackroid and ran off with Bob to do some target practice with her knew, hand held, rocket launcher.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

was han sure distraught too!


----------



## Valdarmyr

Just at that moment, Mark Hamill tripped over an Ewok, and his lightsaber cut the California budget. Ah-nold Schwarzenegger didn't have to be the "Governator" anymore, so he devoted all his time and energy to getting Bob totally pumped up.


----------



## Turin

And then he died because of bobs dirty socks, but the dirty socks knew better and started running after the potatos.


----------



## Feanorian

which got trapped in a giant pressure cooker which was in actuality a portal to the mysterious worlds of....


----------



## Turin

Orange underwear that drive mowers around all day and...


----------



## HLGStrider

dance the samba and the mamba to the tune of the labamba with the clicky clacky ticky tack ricky racky micky macky racoon of Katmandu.


----------



## Turin

Who's favorite food is tree bark and paint.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob went through the portal and watched the strange dance of this racoon who's real name was Lucky Bandit Hopper Toad-Eater Crusher of All That Is Noble in the Universe.


----------



## Feanorian

but wait...what is happening over at TTF? WM and Beorn are in a power struggle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who will be the victor?!?!?!


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

Tar cheered on Boern, while secretly wishing that she could have a kiss from Han Solo!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And Wonks watched on secretly wishing that either or both of them would turn into anime chicks with blue and/or purple hair and start mud wrestling as that would be a lot more interesting.


----------



## Thomas Baggins

TB stood by, thinking the same thing as Wonks.


----------



## Thomas Baggins

TB stood by, thinking the same thing as Wonks.


----------



## Turin

While at the same time Bob's podracer hit a bump and broke down so he was disqualified.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob started hitting everything around him with a wrench. . .then he was attacked by a police officer carrying love potion number nine instead of mace.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Bob yelled "YIPPEE!" George Lucas just covered his eyes and groaned, while Obi-Wan Kenobi yanked all the hairs out of his beard.


----------



## HLGStrider

"RUINED!" wept George. "MY ENTIRE MOVIE! RUINED!"

"You think you have trouble," Turin sniffed.


----------



## Turin

But then George's beard turned blue and he shrunk untill he was a dwarf and started singing...


----------



## Valdarmyr

_"The road goes ever on and on, _
_Down from the door where it began"_
And when he realized what he had done...in that moment he knew, and said, "The Lord of the Rings" will always be bigger, huger, more magnificent and more legendary than "Star Wars"!!!


----------



## Turin

Even though there were many more star wars movies made. But then the resurected death star flew in and started shooting red and green colored coolaid and hit George and his beard turned orange.


----------



## HLGStrider

George smiled really big. He had always wanted an orange beard, but his oppressive step-momma had refused to let him die it any color other than pink when he was a boy. . .and she wouldn't let him shave, which was really embarrassing because he was the only one in pre-school with facial hair. . .that is besides the teacher, Mrs. Edwards. . .Mrs. Edwards had always understood young George remarkably well, which is why he based Jabba the Hutt completely off her character.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and by popular request we started from the begining again...

Yesterday morning Bob woke up, stepped out of bed, and fell through a hole in his floor... Down and down and down he fell... He fell for three hours straight, which caused him to miss his breakfast. Finally he landed... BOOM!!! He looked up. Far above him was the pinpoint of light... the hole he'd fallen from.

"Geez... Now I must go find some breakfast," Bob sighed. He walked around town. It was a strange town, with paper houses and such. Bob felt a little bit chilly because he was only wearing his pajamas...


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob stopped suddenly realizing he was CAUGHT IN A TIME WARP!

Who could've caused this terrible time warp? Was it Jabba the Hutt and George? Was it Hillary Clinton? Was it Alec Baldwin? George Bush? Sadam? Usama? Hillary Duff? Meg Ryan? The Rubber Ducky of Westmarch? Harrison Ford and the School of Monotone acting? His true Love Zelda? His evil palindrome twin, Bob?


----------



## Valdarmyr

It was Peter Jackson, who had been watching the Guy Pearce film "Memento," with all its flashbacks and flash-forwards, and out of the rift in the time-space continuum that he created came Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. And behind the wheel, dressed up like an Intergalactic Carmen Miranda, was...BOB!!! And he said...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Muahahahahaahah, I am making the Totaly ridiculous story like mainstream entertainment and reinventing old tv shows!"And so a previous entry from this sreies was inserted....

In a reckless act of bravery and cunning (not to metion utter skill) the black knight recently defeated by Arthur hobbles his limless torso over to the Knights who say ni 
"Have you seen this king guy around here? He wears a crown and talks about his court at camelot." he asks.
" NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI
,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,
NI,NI,NI,NI,NI,NI, this king has not passed by leave before you torso-man become priisoner." the Knights of ni respond.
"Oh bloody hell all I ask is if king arthur passed by and I get a migrane, bugger!" The limless knight says while amazingly moving along the ground.


----------



## HLGStrider

The phone rang and Bob answered. It was Carmen Sandiego.

'Where in the world are you?" Bob snapped.


----------



## Valdarmyr

"I'm in Bournemouth doing the fish-slapping dance with the Pantomime Horse!" Carmen yelled. And so it was that the Monty Python Lovers Guild was merged into the Bob thread, making it a kind of Bob-o-link.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

The harrison fords rejoiced and decided to race like they did in American Grafitii.


----------



## HLGStrider

But they were too fast and too furious and the flag was half mast for the matadors who turned their back to please the crowd and fell before the bull. . ." Wailed the Association.

"What bowl?" asked Bob O Link.


----------



## Feanorian

the bowl of enlightenment that is


----------



## HLGStrider

A bunch of surfer dudes showed up, threw down the boards, and began to kowtow before a large bowl of bean dip crooning, 'Oh great bowl of enlightenment. . .grace us with your knowledge. ..grace us with your pressence. . .We are not worthy. . .we art not worthy. . ."


----------



## Valdarmyr

They worshiped the Holy Bean Dip because they had heard about the Big Bang Theory! One of the surfer dudes lit a match! He held it up in the air, and Harrison Ford, Michael Jackson and everyone started singing "We Are The World."


----------



## Turin

But then the Knights who say Ni came in and scared everyone away back to the drycleaners from where they came.


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

and they were kenmore too!~


----------



## HLGStrider

The Maytag fellow was very lonely. . .or was that the Whirl pool Guy? Either way, he was lonely, and he began to look for companionship. He started to sing the Beach Boys "Surfer Girl" song, hoping it would attract some attention. It did.


----------



## Turin

Then the blue sony alien guy came and he started eating potatos.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And the RCA Dalmations came and joined the potato chip eating party. Where were the Fish to go along with the chips?!


----------



## Turin

Then PJ comes in and starts shaving his beard which was...


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

so big it did more damage than the biblical flood


----------



## BlackCaptain

When he was done he donated all of the hair to Greenpeace and they used it in turn to save the whales, which Bob was trying to destroy as a race because of mental problesm


----------



## Turin

But the hair consumed Bob but he had a...


----------



## HLGStrider

magic needle through which camels were constantly traveling through. ..


----------



## Turin

And he sewed a sweater with the magic needle and gave it to George Washington who wore it while choping down the potato tree with his guitar.


----------



## Feanorian

which belonged to Johhny Cash who wrote a new song called "Dog named pizza-face" it was an inter-galactic hit


----------



## HLGStrider

Leonardo Da Vinci loved it so much that he painted a picture of Cash. . .unfortunately he thought that Cash looked like Washington so it ended up a picture of Jefferson. . .I'm not sure how.


----------



## Feanorian

and Jefferson said " GOD SAVE THE QUEEN................of MORDOR!!!!"

at this point Tar interjected with a public service announcement to the free people of Mordor....it went like this.................................


----------



## Tar-Ancalime

"Citizens of mordor" she began, "I have a dream that all day we shall have you work!" and the orcs cheered


----------



## Valdarmyr

...all except the Orc who thought he was a Hobbit. He said he wanted to go to Hobbiton, farm crops, eat lots, smoke pipe weed, and grow hair on his feet.


----------



## Feanorian

he was actually a hobbit in the witness protection program..he was seeking refuge from the sisterhood of the pants


----------



## Turin

So he fled to the brotherhood of the pantys...


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, who wasn't sure where he was at this point, so he scrolled back a few pages and found out he was working as a seemstress with Betsy Ross.


----------



## Valdarmyr

He'd just had the strangest dream about an Orc who was having a panic attack because he couldn't decide whether he should wear boxers or briefs, when Betsy smacked him upside the head and brought him back to reality, the force of the blow knocking out one of Bob's fake eyeballs and sending it skittering across the floor, as if batted by an innocent little kitten! "Is this what I pay you for?" she asked him, and added, "We have to get these flags ready for soldiers to carry in the Battle of Pelennor Fields on December 16th, or PJ will have them carry something else, and if that happens, joxy and Mrs. Maggott will have my head!!!"


----------



## HLGStrider

"Perhaps they could carry a Big Mac and some fries?" Bob said somewhat groggily. "And a pizza. . .I bet everyone in Gondor is really hungry. . .and you can't eat flags. I know because I tried. . .and Mrs. Maggott and Joxy had my head, and I had to get a transplant, which took a long time. . ."

Bob's eye rolled around seeing things it had never seen before, like peanuts and coffee tables.


----------



## Turin

And then Bob's eyeball got flushed down the toilet and he saw some other things that he didn't want to see.


----------



## HLGStrider

His eye ended up in the land of the Smerfs where Elgee was plotting with all her powers of goodness and light against Aule and the evil forces of Graph Kludge that had recently endangered her totally ridiculous story.


----------



## Valdarmyr

But the power of the Ring could not be undone, and when Aule and Graph Kludge's lumbering hoardes came up against the towering figure of the Webmaster, the sheer force of WM's presence made them promise to keep their tricksy little fingerses off TTF's Number One Thread!

Meanwhile, having spent a fortnight with the Smurfs, Bob's eye then ventured into the Land of Morrrdorrr--at least, that's how Elrond says it--and there it spied with its little eye the Eye of Sauron!


----------



## Turin

But Bob came up and poked Sauron's eye so it finally blinked and started to cry, so Bob put an eye drop in it and it became normal again.


----------



## Feanorian

but Sauron could never get over the shame of blinking...he had to join a support groups BA (blinkers aynonumos)


----------



## Turin

But his hair was too long so they kicked him out.


----------



## HLGStrider

He went and got his hair styled and permed and that made him not such a bad guy because all it was was a very long bad hair day that was making him evil.


----------



## Valdarmyr

(Our narrator says, in an aside to our audience, "Gollum...now _there's_ a bad hair day! I bet the fellas from "***** Eye For The Straight Guy" could help _him_ out _big time!"_ The aside now over, our story continues.)

Sauron had just gotten back to being a nice guy, but all this talk about eyes was making him feel rather tense and itchy, so he said the magic word--"Proud-_FEET!"_--and BANG, Bob's eye flew back into his head! Now that Bob had his eye back, the first thing he did _was..._


----------



## HLGStrider

write a fan letter to Boris Yeltzin, who he thought was the guy who played the Russian in Airforce One, but when Boris got the letter, he became in incensed. .. actually, he was in centsed, so he had a lot of change, but he couldn't make a phone call because the phone only took Russian coins and he was in Botswana, where the phones only take Moldovian coins, and then only on thursdays or any friday with a full moon.


----------



## Turin

Bob's hair had turned white since he went to Russia and joined the moffia and got shot with koolaid which was...


----------



## BlackCaptain

Buckleberry. It's so sad because Bob was alergic to Buckleberry. He died. But then came back to life because his coffin was the wrong color and he couldnt rest in peace


----------



## Feanorian

and he got on a megaphone and said "HEY YOU ALL MAKE ENOUGH NOISE TO WAKE UP THE DEAD" and then the world responded with "GET OFF THE STAGE!"


----------



## HLGStrider

It was a green coffin and Bob just knew this was a purposeful insult to his beloved great Aunt Martha, who was a Checkoslovokian nurse from Belgrade. The other kids at school had always teased Bob because they had Scottish nurses from Qatar for aunts, and he didn't even have an Irish one, and he just knew that the coffin was Green to remind him that he didn't have an Irish nurse for an aunt.

So he went to the Lord of the Underworld, Lord Worldunder, and asked him to solve his coffin problem. Not understanding, Lord Worldunder gave Bob some Ricola cough drops, which Bob immediately took to be an insult against his dog who was a German shepherd, not a Swiss army knife.


----------



## Turin

The knife was yellow and couln't cut anything, but it could eat purple butterflies.


----------



## HLGStrider

This was, of course, illegal, and Bob's pocket knife was arrested for it. .. Wait, Bob didn't have a pocket knife! What was going on here?


----------



## Turin

It was arrested and put into juvinile detention for food grafiti.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Now that wasn't nice," Bob said. He then purchased a train ticket to Katmandu.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which he then realised was a bad idea, because as he arrived in Katmandu, he was shot with a bowl of pudding, which tore a whole straight through his stomach.
But because of the unusual gravitational fields in Katmandu, his intestines were suspended from falling out of his body, and he was able to walk around perfectly normally. He could function just like any other person, except that to eat, instead of putting food into his mouth, he had to pulverize it with a grinder and put it directly into his large intestine as he was missing his stomach.
The Katmandu doctors told him he could exist like this indeffinitely, so long as he never left Katmandu.

So Bob was stuck there.

Forever.

Or he'd die very horribly and painfully.


----------



## HLGStrider

But perhaps there was a third option. . .and option unknown to the Dr.s of Katmandu. . .or perhaps it was a plot, a big, evil scary plot, to keep him forever there and forever unable to eat. . .the Grand Munchkin would know! Bob had to see the Grand Munchkin.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Unfortunately the Grand Munchkin had recently gone on a hunger strike and starved to death and then was zapped by an anti-matter gun.

He was gone.

Gone.

Gone.

And Bob was alone.

Alone.

Alone.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Suddenly, his attention was drawn to the corner of the room, where something was giving off a dull glint in the late afternoon sunlight. Bob walked over, picked it up and blew a heavy layer of dust off it, which made him cough. It was a magic lamp! Bob reached out and rubbed it. Ever so slowly, blue smoke started to curl out the end. Bob sniffed the air...strangely, it smelled a bit like Whiskas. As if pushed by a giant hand, a huge plume of smoke now rushed out of the lamp, and in the midst of it Bob could see something taking shape and growing in size. Was it? Yes it was...it was _the Cat from Katmandu! _


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And the Cat from Katmandu looked at Bob with an evil glint in her eye.

"Mrowr" she said, in a sultry voice. "Kiss me, baby!" and as Bob leaned in to kiss the Cat of Katmandu (something he was unaware you should never do) her furry mouth brushed his lips and in a poof of blue light that smelled like Whiskas she burst from the lamp!

"I'm free!" she shouted. "FOOL! INFIDEL!!! Don't you know never to kiss the Cat of Kat? It breaks the spell! I'm FREE!!!" 

And with that she promptly mauled Bob, scratching his face and coughing a hairball into the hole in his stomach, which was sucked into his intestines and gave him indigestion.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Why me?" moaned Bob.

"Because," said a voice with an Einstein accent. "You art the protagonist. . . and everything else is the antagonist. You willt never escape your fate!"

And Bob said, "Phoeey!" Bob then melted into a puddle of strawberry smoothy.


----------



## Turin

And Bob wanted to become the antagonist so he handed the story over to Fred, who was very white.


----------



## HLGStrider

In fact he was an Albino Rat with pinkish eyes and a nice, white smile. He had a job posing for Colgate's whitening toothpaste that was made of guano and rat tails. However, when he discovered the cruel treatement used to extract the rat tails, he quit and moved to Botswana where, for the first time, he met Bob, who was in a twenty ounce smoothy cup.


----------



## Turin

But it was the albino rat's favorite flavor so he drank bob with the smoothy and he was...


----------



## HLGStrider

immediately transformed into Mark Macguire. People were naming their children after him. He was hitting home runs! Then his bat broke and everyone mistook him for Barry Bonds and Ken Griffy Jr. hit him with a wet noodle.


----------



## Turin

But the wet noodle wasn't very wet so it stuck to him.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

The wet noodle, however, was a MAGIC wet noodle, and it turned Mark McGuire into Carlos Guillen, and because Carlos Guillen is a raging alcoholic Fred promptly fell over.


----------



## Feanorian

he got back up to discover him and bob trapped in a 20 oz bottle of Cherry Coke, how will they escape!?


----------



## Turin

Bob turned into a german shepard and started chasing beehives.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which was bizarre because Bob had been drunk as a smoothie by Fred...

Which means that when Fred was Carlos Guillen he must've vomited Bob up.

Carlos Guillen vomits a lot.

That's because he drinks.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was swimming above Fred's head as a microscopic aemobia. Fred was drunk. Bob was a German Shepherd, and the bees were buzzying angrily. That's when Pooh Bear showed up and made everything MUCH worse.


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Or would have, if he hadn't burst his seams and exploded from heat exhuastion and severe constipation.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then they went to Christopher Robbinson who fixed him right up


----------



## Wonko The Sane

And then slashed Fred in the throat.

Christopher Robin was a bit schizophrenic and more than a little dangerous.


----------



## HLGStrider

Not as dangerous as Tigger who had married an Elf and was ruling Mirkwood.


----------



## Turin

He found plenty of trees to pogo over, but as he was clearing one he go caught in quick sand which was...


----------



## HLGStrider

jelly coated.

The little jellyfish swam about Tigger who begged for mercy but received only government compensation.


----------



## Turin

And social security, which was enough to pay the jellyfish for his freedom.


----------



## HLGStrider

but it wasn't enough to pay off Bob to whom he owed a considerable about of money for bets taken on the Arts and Crafts Faire and Cook Out annual Hemp Braiding and Hot Dog Eating contest.

So, there was only one alternative. . .MURDER!


----------



## Wonko The Sane

Which he gladly called on Christopher Robin to do for him.

And Christopher Robin SLASHED Bob down for the second time, and then slashed Tigger too for good measure.

Then he skipped off to keep his lunch date with Piglet. Where, aftewards, he planned to slash him too.


----------



## HLGStrider

Everyone was dead. . .but that did not stop the gnats from inviting them all to their biannual spring fling get together at the Farmers Market. It would be so much fun that year!


----------



## Valdarmyr

and once they got to the Farmers Market, they found that everyone was SLASHING PRICES! Even that guy in the booth where he's selling knives, and he uses them to cut thin slices of tomato, next he says, "you can even use them to slice a gnat in mid-air," and then he cuts a tin can in half, and just like Boromir, he says, _"Still sharp!"_ AHA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!! eh-hem.


----------



## Turin

But the knives were not sharp, in fact they were incredibly dull and crooked. So the saleman tryed to get into the book of world records by shaving the most beards in...


----------



## HLGStrider

three-quarter time. . .which of course meant he was waltzing...Have you ever seen a waltzing knife sellsman turned barber before?

Neither had Christopher Robin, and he was very displeased.


----------



## Valdarmyr

So the barber sat Christopher Robin down in the barber's chair and gave him a nice Mohawk, which Pooh and all his friends giggled at endlessly. Then the barber said, "I'm not really a man, I'm a woman, Waltzing Matilda is my name, and I'm Bob's long-lost high school sweetheart!"


----------



## Feanorian

but the principal came on to the scene and said: LETS DANCE!!


----------



## HLGStrider

They danced with an Elephant wearing Spandex to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb. Then Mary burst in and yelled out "BUT I DON'T HAVE LITTLE LAMB! I HAVE A DOBERMAN!"

The doberman eyed the elephant and licked his lips. Bob felt nervous.


----------



## Marah Seph

Bob hid behind Christopher Robin for good measure.


----------



## HLGStrider

The measure was exactly four inches and three centimeters.

The Inch Worm measured it, and Bob always trusted inch worms. . .

Unfortunately, he had made a mistake and this was a centimeter worm. They are nasty, lying worms! Because of this Bob was sentenced to hard labor in Zimbabwe.

That's where he met Cruella D'Vil.


----------



## Valdarmyr

She was the warden, and her influence rubbed off on him...he ended up with about 100 spots, just like a Dalmation. Man, that dude looked funny!


----------



## Marah Seph

Cruella found this extremely attractive and wanted to make a coat out of him. She chased him around the camp for a short distance before she fell.


----------



## Valdarmyr

...and as she fell, her cigarette holder poked Bob in the eye.


----------



## Feanorian

which was made of brown jello


----------



## HLGStrider

Cruella sobbed because she never got the coat she wanted so Bob bought her a letterman jacket that had a big D on the sleeve. She was so happy. She love it so much. She kissed Bob and did her hair and smiled and laughed and turned into Gwyneth Patrol.


----------



## Feanorian

Who got cought in a gust of wind because she is so thin and never eats.......goodbye Gwenyth


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob cried because he'd lost yet another true love, even if she had tried to make coats out of him. 

Bob had gained a considerable amount of weight in the past fewyears and was now officially the world's only living mountain. He was causing the earths gravitational fields to be off.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And then he died because one of his red blood cells exploded and caused a thermal meltdown destroying the world

Luckily they were on the 'Fake' earth for this WHOLE story and everyone went back to earth except for Bob, Kane, and Sesshoumaru


----------



## HLGStrider

Then Bob requested to get the last place in the darkness, with Bill O'Rielly and Nancy Drew. Bob was a big fan of Nancy Drew.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC made Elgee the princess of darkness, compleeting the 9!


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was heart broken. He flung himself at BC's evil avatar and tried to rip it's heart out. Elgee was weeping in the corner with her cats.


----------



## Feanorian

then Feanorian who is still not sure as to how he ended up in the Circle of Evil looked around and found nothing but emptyness. he cried himself to sleep.


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee's cats came over to Feanor and began to lick his feet. Bob was sobbing. Elgee was sobbing. Feanor began to laugh because his feet tickled.


----------



## Marah Seph

Feanor's laughter caused Bob and Elgee to become very angery with him. Elgee scooped up her cat in a giant pooper --scooper and Bob dashed at Feanor with a knife.


----------



## HLGStrider

"AH-HA!" shouted Feanor. "So you would challange me? The maker of the the Silmarils! The true ruler of the Noldor! You would assail me! This shall not be! I will defeat you all for I have a Mitsubishi!"


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC blamed Anamatar because he was the one that told BC to put him in! And Elgee slowly became eviler and eviler! But BC reversed the process making her anti evil making BC evilest! What an evil thing to do!


----------



## Feanorian

Feanor disappeared and was later found in group sessions for people who are anti-social. He was forced to tell the members of his group what he did that week which made him cringe and desire a Chicken Quesadilla......


----------



## BlackCaptain

Unfortunately BC had control over all of the Quessedillas in the world and was charging 50 dollars per crumb. Would Feanor buy it?!


----------



## Feanorian

Feanor was very angry about how his boss was handling the whole Quesadilla ordeal...but then he remembered that he was the creator of the Sils and had riches unimaginable....mwuahahahahah


----------



## HLGStrider

Uncle Sam found out that Feanor had wealth umimaginable too. ..and nothign was beyond HIS imagination. .. He sharpened his claws and attacke.d


----------



## Feanorian

Feanor then took up a place in Iraq to escape his woes, but friendly fire from a wayward missle sent him to Timbuktu.


----------



## HLGStrider

Ah, but it was too late for Bob. . .Bob had been caught by the Iraqi information minister and was listening to him give HIS impression of Sean Hannity for a change.


----------



## Feanorian

and then everyone stopped and screamed: "Elgee has a warning level!!!???!?!?!?!?" Bob ponders.....maybe she really is more evil then BC.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And then BC tells Bob the tale of how he got warning points for making a certain Wizard King so afraid of comingn to TTF he got 12 warning points! Mr.Evil? BC! Mrs.Evil: Elgee. But Mr. is more evil than Mrs. any day


----------



## HLGStrider

The great Mohojamado swept in to defend Elgee's honor and explain it was all a misunderstanding involving a very old thread with some spam on it she was trying to be a very good girl and clean up (PM her for the whole story. I have two mods who can back me up!).

The Great Mohojamado who didn't know what his name meant, asked Bob what it meant. Bob whispered something into his ear and Mohojamado slapped him.


----------



## Feanorian

Feanor tells BC and Elgee to PM him the stories because he is always curious about what people have done to gain these points. He then things there should be a sub-forum with a list of names with people who have points and what they did...sort of like the Spanish Inquisistion.....WHICH IS WHERE BOB IS RIGHT NOW!!!!


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob was being tickled for the evil thing he said to whatever he was. . .it was too much to bear. Bob wept for mercy.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And then Bob wondered... why are we just having a discussion in the third person and reffering to ourselves as our online personalities?!  

Then Bob went into Sesshomaru's bar and came across Merry and Pippin. They had a pint of ale each.


----------



## Feanorian

appearantly they had had quite a few more then just one pint, they had to be rushed to the nearest hospital to have their stomachs pumped.....bob was the nurse!?!?!


----------



## BlackCaptain

and his name was changed to Bob lord fauker. He had to go meet Elgee's parents. they were mean. almost as mean as BC Then BC slapped himself for reffering to himself in the third person again


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee's parents wanted to discuss crocodile Dundee with Bob. This was a controversial subject in Arnor, but as they were in Gondor everything was cool. Then there was a spacial disruption and Enterprise crashed and Trip got to have another scene with his shirt off. ..they must think it increases ratings, but really, I don't see how.


----------



## Turin

But Bob was angry at BC for stealing his yellowish-green colored underwear and made him change his avatar.


----------



## Lantarion

My god I hate this thread..


----------



## Turin

An off subject post by a mod .


----------



## Lantarion

A whole thread that's off any topic from anything anywhere ever!


----------



## HLGStrider

To appease Lanty Elgee made a new rule: NO POSTS UNDER THREE SENTENCES!

Then Bob was arrested for fraudulent avatar behavior and sent to prison on Mars. The little green men thought he was a god and freed him from his cage. Then he ordered a chocolate malted.


----------



## Turin

Then Bob's malt became mad and started attacking the little green men. But there were too many and they overpowered it and forced it into exile. Bob felt sorry for it and killed Nom for bringing up the idea for abolishing the post count.


----------



## Lifeling

Suddenly the greatest hero of them all swooped down from out of nowhere. Hobbitman! Him and his partner HobbitBoy Came soaring down out of the groud right at the rampaging malt. They set their Buzz lightyear blasters, and blew the malt to kingdom come. Then thy reached in their pockets... and dissapeared.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob gasped in horror and began to search for them. He lifted up a near by manhole cover. "HELLO IN THERE!" he called out. A greenish sickly looking hand with pink nail polish reached out and pulled him in!


----------



## Ithrynluin

*Moderator note*

[COLOR=sky blue]*This thread is totally devoid of any purpose. It will be closed and archived in a week, so finish up please.*[/COLOR]


----------



## HLGStrider

I urge you to reconsider. It may not reach your standard, but it is a popular thread that does no harm. It doesn't take up that much memory or whatever this site uses. It's just a little, cute thing, and it is fun!


----------



## Feanorian

Ith, why all the change? This is a very nice and yes even as Elgee said it, cute thread. All these changes are very unsettiling. I second Elgee, in urging you to reconsider closing this thread.


----------



## Ithrynluin

Sorry, guys, but the mods have unanimously decided that this thread has graced the forum for too long. I'll let it stick around while it still has some life to it,....


----------



## Feanorian

> I'll let it stick around while it still has some life to it,....



No one fights for something lingering at death, o well......


----------



## HLGStrider

We need a good ending, in that case, but I don't have any ideas. . .I want a happy ending for Bob! With either lots of money or a true love (lots of money sounds less sappy).


----------



## Estrella

and so Bob moved to mars... the martians loved him, and he was soon crowned the king. He fell in love with a lovely martian named ^%&%&^, and they married, and had many lovely martian children. 

The End!

not fairr!


----------



## Feanorian

The next morning Bob woke up, stepped out of bed, and fell through a hole in his floor... Down and down and down he fell... He fell for three hours straight, which caused him to miss his breakfast. Finally he landed... BOOM!!! He looked up. Far above him was the pinpoint of light... the hole he'd fallen from.

He was back to where he had started





Yes it goes on and on my friends...........


----------



## BlackCaptain

Then everyone revolted against the evil Mods and TTF was taken over by BC!!!! MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!


----------



## BlackCaptain

I wonder why the Mods don't let us have any fun on this forum...
What's the harm in keeping it? We don't have a post count anymore, so how can it be spamming? And when's the last time you've seen a spammer in this thread? 

With all the things you mods have done to try and stop spamming I think you've turned this from a forum to a Tolkien Research Board.

I'm totaly against this desicion and think there should be a vote with those who don't have the mindset of Mods.

Oops... I double posted. I supose I'll get spamming points now


----------



## Ithrynluin

Look around BC, where are you not allowed to have fun? Look how many threads of that sort there are all over the place, and then come back and tell me you've got a reason to complain. Okay?

This thread is allowed to go on while it still has some life to it. Then it will get deleted, like almost every other pointless thread that has served its purpose of having fun.

And one other thing, the concept of spamming still exists despite the removal of the post count.


----------



## BlackCaptain

Touche on the first point... But then what makes this thread different from the other ones? Just because it's pointless? Maybe that's why it's one of the longest lasting threads.. because it is pointless

I find it hard for this thread to run out of life. It was meant to never die, because it is pointless.

Then why are you deleting this thread? When's the last time you've seen a spammer in here? It's pretty much just 5 people talking to themselves in the third person. Why are you deleting this thread? I dont think because it's without a purpose is a good reason. If a thread without a purpose is the most active thread in TTF, maybe we should... I dont know... keep it?


----------



## HLGStrider

I'd say it is more than five people . ..we've had many posters over time, and many people who wander in and out. 

But I think the best thing to do with it now is just keep it alive so that he doesnt' delete it and not argue on it.

The TTF was in the fell hands of BC! Only one man had the capability to save it. That man was of course. . .BOB! The world's only super-cashier!

Yes, I said cashier.


----------



## Ithrynluin

Feanorian, I am not contradicting myself. I changed my mind from 'deleting it right now' to 'letting it last as long as it does and then removing it'.

And popularity does not equal quality, nor is length a deciding factor of what stays and what doesn't after it has fallen out of use.



> If a thread without a purpose is the most active thread in TTF, maybe we should... I dont know... keep it?



That's...rather sad. Luckily the mods are not using that as their standard of what stays and what goes, or this forum would long ago have lost the 'Tolkien' from its name.


----------



## HLGStrider

Can we delete all the arguement posts then, and just keep going as we were doing?


----------



## Feanorian

> Can we delete all the arguement posts then, and just keep going as we were doing?



Done. 


Bob started throwing coins at BC he was so distracted by all the money/metal getting thrown at him he went to pick it up and Hall the kicker from the redskins kicked BC back to the lands of polish sausage from which he came.


----------



## HLGStrider

He landed on the Pizza Girl who grew confused and put German Sausage on the Pizza when she knew very well the customer wanted Italian Sausage, the type that looks like hamburger and is spicey.

The girl went after Bob with a knife but stopped when she noticed he had such cute shoes!


----------



## Feanorian

> The girl went after Bob with a knife but stopped when she noticed he had such cute shoes!



Which were Burberry of course. Bob could not remember the last he'd been to England (probably somewhere in those pages). But he figured they were getting rid of if it meant his life. The girl was so touched she began to cry and talk about how she had no friends. bob gave her advice and all of the people around them shouted "hes a genious" and he got his own show which did so well Dr. Phil was no longer on TV.


----------



## Turin

And Bob was happy, for a while at least. But then Legolas came in and started shooting everyone with paper arrows that where too big to eat! But Bob escaped and ran to polly the parrot's house to recover, little did Bob know that...


----------



## BlackCaptain

Legolas was waiting for him there eating Kielbassa! Him and BC revealed their "Master Plan" to take over the world! Super cute-ness to seduce the masses, super evil-ness to take them over! It was a full proof plan! The only catch was...


----------



## HLGStrider

Elgee! Who was so super cute she was over shadowing all their evil plans. She joined with the supreme Strider-Guy who was really tall and together they overshadowed quite a bit.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC gathered his armies as did Elgee, and they went to war. BC was away in his fortress in California while Elgee was in her fortresses in New York. When every single member of the armies were dead BC and Elgee met eachother in the middle of the Great Plains and battled until both of them died. They came back to life, but now Elgee was in BC'sbody and BC was in Elgees!!


----------



## HLGStrider

And Bob was in the Body of James Bond. . .James Bond was in the body of a Bond Girl, and the Bond girl was in Bob's body. . .No one was happy.


----------



## Feanorian

Feanor sat back and laughed at all this foolish body swopping. And then pointed out that the mods are on a rampage and this story will probably get shut down indefinitly sooner rather then later.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC agreed. He then called out:
"Where is the council of 9 when you need it most?!"


----------



## HLGStrider

"I'm in BC's body, so I can't very well do anything about it!" Elgee snapped. "Though I seriously don't know if that is in my power level even if I weren't. . ."


----------



## Feanorian

Feanor let out a terrible cry "OH NO WE HAVE BEEN
MOVED TO STUFF AND BOTHER......*in sad grieving voice* so tiny, so insignificant, so unbeautiful.......*sobs*


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC ... er... Elgee let out a terrible cry!

Bob will pay for this!! 

Fortunately for Bob he was at the Green Dragon Inn sipping some sort of drink that was made out of...


----------



## Estrella

buttons! but very special buttons made from tofu ( very healthy) but bob did not want healthy,so he called teh bartender over and said...


----------



## HLGStrider

"You know I can't really be bothered with this stuff. I have a galaxy to save. Now go fetch me my radioactive vitamenized bananas and be quick about it, shorty."


----------



## Turin

Are we not supposed to post here anymore or something?

But the bananas were too much for Bob to carry and he ate most of them to lighten the load, but what Bob didn't know was that...


----------



## HLGStrider

the bannanas were the fourth biggest cause of hepatitis A that side of New Zealand. . .and we're talking the far side of New Zealand. ..also they automatically changed whoever ate them into a Wombat with the genes of a camel and forced that person to live off calzone and go "BEEP BEEP BEEP" everytime Sputnik flew over. . .

But other than that they were quite tasty.


----------



## BlackCaptain

And they were all magicaly transported back to the begining of the story in Bob's house in a calm suburb in a calm region of the world.

Then BC ate it all and people were mad.

And they were all magicaly transported back to the begining of the story in Bob's house in a calm suburb in a calm region of the world.


----------



## HLGStrider

Which was soon to become a lot less calm because the evil Dr. DeathWalker was dosing the tap water with Caffine. Only Bob, the owner of a Britta Filter, could save the world.


----------



## Turin

But Bob was too afraid so he hid in the corn field in order to escape, but he didn't know who else was lurking there...


----------



## HLGStrider

Dr. Suess! 

He'd brought along a wocket who wanted to live in Bob's pocket and a noothbrush for Bob's toothbrush. Poor Bob also did not know about the Zall scooting down the hall. . .he was in for a SHOCK!


----------



## BlackCaptain

And BC saved the story from the emptiness of Page 3 of Stuff and Bother!

Only to find out that his house has been...


----------



## Nimawae's hope

....ransacked by evil-tempered squirrels in search of.......


----------



## Turin

I think you posted twice.

But BC was overcome by their numbers and he fled to the evil fortress of....


----------



## HLGStrider

Nuttinghall where squirrels all live in peace with their surroundings. . .except on any day of the week containing the letter r. On days of the week containing the letter r they are quite violent. And they also get violent any time anyone watches a John Cusack movie. Unfortunately, Bob had brought along DVD's of American Sweet hearts, Better of Dead, and Runaway Jury, and it was also Thursday, so Bob was in trouble.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Bob was in a lot of trouble. The first thing those squirrels did was to seize and destroy Bob's DVDs. They felt better after that, but they were still insane, because everyone knows that Thursday is the second worst day of the week--at least to squirrels. So, they stole all of last Christmas's pistachio nuts and burnt Bob's house to the ground.


----------



## HLGStrider

The insurance investigators, lead for some odd reason by Catherine Zeta-Jones, came after Bob and accused him of plotting against Zorro. Bob begged for mercy. He didn't know that if they knew his true identity, as Mr. X, they would give him a plum pudding.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Not knowing how else to get away from the evil insurance investigators, Bob decided that he really ought to become a hermit. No one could bother him that way. So he moved out to the middle of..............


----------



## HLGStrider

Westchester Arizona, a place that may or may not exist. Because no one was sure if it existed or not, Bob was in limbo. . .in fact he won the Westchester Limbo contest sixty times in a row and was named Speghetti Spined Bobby, but that's another story. Right now I'd like to talk about the Democratic Caucus. . .


----------



## Nimawae's hope

.....which is a nightmare in and of itself. The mere mention of it would put Bob into a tizzy, which of course Tizzy did not like. So, she kicked him out of her, causing great panic to........


----------



## HLGStrider

Slobadon Milosovic. . .who was already in a bad mood because Elgee couldn't spell his name. He started to meditate with hopes of contacting Joseph Stalin for a weather report. When Bob discovered this he knew he had to stop him. . .and only with the help of the magic hole puncher.


----------



## Turin

But to Bob's dismay, it was on vacation! Bob had to ask the muffin man for help, who was more than happy to oblige. But what they didn't know was that...


----------



## Nimawae's hope

.....the muffin man was in league with the Dark Lord Sonic, who wanted the onion ring of power so that the magic hole puncher could be destroyed and Lord Sonic could rule the world. Unfortunately, Bob didn't have a clue. If he wasn't careful, he was going to.........


----------



## Turin

Be eaten by the evil computer modem! The modem was angry because he was outdated and only ran at 21.5 KBPS! Bob could understand why he was angry but it wasn't enough to...


----------



## HLGStrider

try and understand. He had to BE the magic hole puncher. He sat down to mediatate himself into one but instead meditated himself into a large giraffe. 

The owner of the giraffe kicked him out because he was too young to reside in a giraffe, only being 3,008 years old.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

Bob was extremely embarrassed about his mistake, so he wasn't too sure that he wanted to try meditating anymore. That blasted magic hole puncher was for too elusive to meditate on. Thus, he stuck the evil little contraption in his pocket, wondering what to do next. He tried listening to what his heart told him, but he wasn't getting any feed back. Instead he listened to his stomach....now that told him something.


----------



## HLGStrider

It told him that he was to go to the Eiffle Tower with Angelina Jolie and there he was to push her off. It would be ok because she'd land on Jacque Chirac and he would carry her off into the clouds and open a little coffee shop.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

But at least Jolie would no longer punish the world with an annoying personality, and Jaques Chirac would probably be a very happy man. Their coffee shop would get no customers because the coffee tasted like mud....but who cared? So Bob followed the impulse of his stomach, and was much pleased with his accomplishment. However, he had to found the French police, because.........


----------



## HLGStrider

for some odd reason they didn't believe his story and thought he'd done away with Chirac. 

He was sentenced to hard labor in a champagne factory. Everything was miserable until a tank burst and left the whole factory swimming in the stuff.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

This gave Bob a chance to not only get thoroughly drunk, but also to escape from the terrible work at the champagne factory. Suddenly free, he fled from France as quickly as possible. But not before a fuzzy koala caught up with Bob and insisted on fleeing the country with him. Otherwise, he would turn Bob in to the authorities.


----------



## HLGStrider

The Koala was an international jewel theif by the name of the Black Spaniel. . .wanted all over the world for crashing innocent rpg'ers computers.


----------



## Legolas Lewis

As he left Calais on a ferry carrying the thief in a bag, he noticed two dark sinister men watching him from across the cafe. 
One of them whispered to his friend with a smirk on his face. The other pulled off his sunglasses and reached into his jacket and pulled out...


----------



## Lantarion

**gasp!**

It's alive.. IT'S ALIVE!!!!


----------



## Nimawae's hope

.....he cried as he pulled out the hideous creature that was holding onto his hand with his teeth.


----------



## Ireth Telrúnya

The guy went crazy and jumped screaming overboard the Koala Black Spaniel tightly on his hand. 
O oh, Bob said and rushed after them.
There was a big "splash" when he landed on the water on his stomach and almost fainted. As he opened his eyes on the surface again he saw the man in black and the koala surface just a few meters away from him. And behind them....a big fin rapidly coming towards them....
Eeeeiaahhsrrsshh..he started to scream..


----------



## Nimawae's hope

It's the rabid DOLPHIN!!! It's going to eat me!! The man in black was terrified, but Bob was not in the least bit concerned because he had a rabid dolphin protection suit on. Bob wondered absent-mindedly if he ought to save the koala or the man.....hmmmmmm.


----------



## Valdarmyr

Should he save the koala or the man?

Neither! Bob decided to "Save the Clocktower!" Then he played guitar with Michael J. Fox and The Pinheads, and Jennifer kept going on and on about her crush on Legolas, and Bob bought everybody a pint--of Ovaltine, because this is a family website--and Bob burped this humongous disgusting belch, and the explosion sent him Back to the Future.


----------



## Ireth Telrúnya

"It's full of stars!" he screamed and was thrown to his seat when the stars suddenly turned into white stripes and then he learned he couldn't move. 
But his whole body was on the move away from the seat since he wasn't strapped onto it. Next thing he knew he was hanging onto the seat with all he got his feet up in the air..."eewwwghrh...mmy...brains are going in..to my feeet!!" he said with some effort. This DeLorean spaceship was yet speeding up in velocity. 
This lasted for a half a minute, but to Bob it felt like hours. Then the speed started subsiding gradually and Bob saw a huge planet fill the screen.
I'm glad this baby hold it together he thought about the ship...
Suddenly Bob saw the two men in black sitting right behind him with the Koala
an older man in white cloak further back the ship.
"Who are you?" He asked


----------



## pipin

we are aliens fromthe planet midlle earth and we want you tocome help us with a very inportent task invalving a very nasty charecter named Gollum.

The first man said my name is frodo and this is...


----------



## HLGStrider

. . .Bozzo the Clown!"


The man immediately threw off his cape and started to do some cat juggling. He was just as immediately mobbed by animal right's activists led by Steve Martin who hit him over the head with a hole puncher. Bob stood aghast at this new development. Little did he know that Bozzo's cats were actually secret agents from Zurg's evil fortress in Kalamazoo who wanted to take over the world by playing long forgotten "Eagles" music.


----------



## Turin

But his plan failed because nobody had ever heard the Eagles in the first place! Bob was forced to take off his dirty socks and replace them with loafs of bread. These where especially comfortable when he looked in the mirror.


----------



## Tinuvien21

But the only problem was when he got really hungry.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob quickly created the toe jam sandwich and was about to devour his feet when someone decided to put Bob in a blender and mix him up with a strawberry banana smoothie. Bob began to weep.

"No! No! Anything but strawberry banana! Strawberry Kiwi! Lemon lime! Berry Blend! Orange Mango! But not strawberry banana!"


----------



## Celebthôl

To hell with it! I wanna post again!  (Thanks Elgee for the link!!)

After hearing Bob spout out the phrase:

"No! No! Anything but strawberry banana! Strawberry Kiwi! Lemon lime! Berry Blend! Orange Mango! But not strawberry banana!"

Someone decided not to try to work it out, but rather to turn the blender on, however, they had not put the lid on, so Bob (along with the rest of the contents of the blender) came flying out and Bob began to fall...again...(IT HAD TO BE DONE!!!)


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob fell up. He fell sideways. He fell down again. 

"Mommy!" he whined.

"Yes, sonny boy?" an echoey voice said from somewhere in the void where he was falling. 

"Mommy? MOMMY!" Bob gasped. "Don't leave me Mommy!"

"Never again, sonny boy. . .never again."

With that Bob landed in a big tub of chocolate chip cookie dough.


----------



## Turin

Not knowing that the chocolate chip cookie dough actually belonged to the evil giant of asparagus who was out for revenge.


----------



## HLGStrider

Bob, unaware that he was being rude, gobbled up all the dough. He was still there like a bloated tick, too fat to even move a limb, when the evil asparagus arose and glowered down at him. Bob was frightened, but the best he could do was roll away. He tried to roll but the Asparagus gave him a kick and he rolled down a rabbit hole and got stuck.


"It comes of not having front doors big enough," he said.


----------



## Ronaldinho

The evil Asparagus bellowed with laughter; it's demonic cackle echoed round the cookie-dough container. Bob backed off. He was cornered...


----------



## Hobbit-queen

Bob felt a tiny paw grab the back of his shirt and was yanked though the tunnel of the rabbit hole. He brushed the dirt from his clothes an stared at a family of cute and fuzzy bunnies. He didn't know what to say, and just started to ask for directions out. "Um....bunny dudes, can you help me find a way out?" They just stared up at him with beady eyes and looked cute. " You're a lot of help!"
Said Bob agrily as he picked himself up. Bob suddenly heard the roar of the angry asparagus above. He spotted a far away tunnel and began to run.......


----------



## HLGStrider

As he ran he shed his many excess pounds which rolled off him in the form of huge drops of pinkish sweat. They formed a river which soon began to sweep the once again thin Bob off his feet and down to the sea. 

He was bobbing about like a cork when he saw a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker.


----------



## TheWhiteLady

At least that was his first impression of them. As Bob bobbed (hehe) closer, he saw that, yes indeed, one man was wearing a butcher's apron, another was wearing a baker's hat, and the last was carrying a candle. Bob then doggy-paddled a little closer. They were not what he supposed at first. As it was dark, and they had only a candle, they could not see Bob, but Bob could see them. Oh, yes, he could see them quite clearly. And what he saw was truely horrifying. He saw...


----------



## Nimawae's hope

.....a toad-faced woman grinning evilly at him. "Well, you made the mistake of coming near me," she said. "Now you will suffer the consequences. BWAHAHAHAHA!" Bob was very confused, and he just stood there and gaped like an idiot, instead of running away as he should have. She grabbed him around the neck and dragged him into the boat.


----------



## HLGStrider

"Now, sir," she then drawled in a very distinguished Harvard/Atlanta/Austin/L.A. sort of accent, "It is very kind of you to drop in to listen to my lecture on lunar diversity among garden gnomes. I think we all know and agree that lunar diversity is a very important issue in this day and age and that without lunar diversity our lives would be a great deal gloomier and grimmer. Yes, in fact, pardon the cliche, lunar diversity creates a great deal of the spice of life we come to love and know and know and love. Ha ha ha ha. . .Uh-hem. As I'm sure you, an educated scholar, know, lunar diversity was first discovered in nineteen-ten by Freedriech Von Schnhot. . ."


----------



## Elbereth

In the midst of the woman's speech, Bob let out a loud resounding snore and woke up abruptly.

"Um..huh? Were you saying something?" Bob said with a big yawn. He then replied abruptly, "Dang! That was good sleeping, I haven't had such good sleeping in years."

And with that Bob shook hands with the Toad faced woman, thanked her kindly and cheerfully swam away.

However when he reached the shore, Bob was surprised to find.....


----------



## Nimawae's hope

the Toad-faced woman had beat him there. She looked very grim. "You left in the middle of my speech. No one does that to me and gets away with it. I am the all-powerful ________. I will be obeyed by the miserable dirt people that surround me everyday. You shall pay....I shall put you in......"


----------



## HLGStrider

Solitary Confinement with SIXTY-THREE OTHER PEOPLE!"

Bob blinked.

"How does that work?" he asked. 

"Don't question me!" she said. "I was not made to be questioned. I was made to be obeyed!"

At that moment a lightening bolt from heaven struck, turning her into a tree frog and she began to hop up and down in indignation while Bob slowly made his exit, determined to find the Gauntlet of Terror, only through which can the Kingdom of Bliss be reached.


----------



## TheWhiteLady

"Hmmm... the Gauntlet of Terror. What a bloody terrible name. Why would anyone name something so beautiful with such a bleeding horrible name?" Bob said to himself. 

"Even beautiful things can be evil." someone said from behind Bob.

Bob spun around to see who it was. He didn't see anyone.

"And even ugly things can be good." came the voice again.

This time Bob saw who was speaking. It was a fox, but not just any fox. It was the dullest, grungiest, most dilapitated fox Bob had ever seen. 

"Uhhh... Did you just talk?" Bob said to the fox.

"Very good monkey." said the fox.

"No need to be rude." replied Bob.

"Sorry," said the fox. "I don't see too many of your kind on this side of the Sea of Reason. Did you like the trick I pulled on the hag? She's always trying to torture people with her poetry. It's really quite terrible. I saw one poor chap get an earful once. He just went 'poof' into a pile of ashes, and then..."

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Mr. ...er... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?" 

The fox blinked very slowly in annoyance, and then his face brightened. As much as a fox's face can, that is. "My name is...


----------



## Nimawae's hope

...Mr. Winkybok of Gurbletygook. Lovely name isn't it? I'm sure you have heard of me before?" The fox beamed at him. 

"Err....sorry, no. I've never heard of you. Should I have?"

The fox became angry. "You really are a monkey. But I was sent to help you, so come along."


----------



## Elbereth

And along they went, both Fox and Bob...through a dank dark forrest, across a rocky hill, down a narrow path, over a wide green grassy plain, across a fifty mile bridge, up a slippery slope and under a draw bridge in which they encountered an old wrinkled troll who unfortunately was cursed with a lisp.


----------



## Nimawae's hope

"Tho," the troll said in a poor attempt to sound menacing. "thomeone dares to invade my perthonal thpathe? You thall now thuffer."

"Er...how's that?" said Bob.
"Nevermind," the Fox told him. He then stepped up to the Troll with a lisp and gave his rather large nose a very hard flick.


----------



## HLGStrider

"My lisp!" the delighted troll cried out. "You cured it! You cured it! Johnny! Daisy-Poo! Big Bubba! This man just cured my lisp! HE CURED IT!"

The troll's monsterous friends came running.

"Doesth it reallyth worsk?" they all asked. Bob was temporarily employed as a troll speach therapist. The Fox was somewhat annoyed by the delay. He made this clear to Bob by. . .


----------



## HobbitGirl

...by viciously mauling the first bunny-rabbit he saw, pinning a sign labled, "YOUR FACE" to it, and setting it down by Bob's feet with a darkly meaningful look.

Bob was a little dense and wasn't quite getting the idea. So the fox decided to further drop a subtle hint by...


----------



## HLGStrider

gnawing off all of Bob's toenails and growling menacingly to the tune of Hawaii Five O.

Bob backed up slowly. It wasn't that he wasn't ready to continue the journey. His delay among the troll people was becoming a trial for him as well. After all, he really wanted to open up his own coffee shop in Van Ives. That was all he wanted. That wasn't too much to ask for. Was it? WAS it?

"Definitely too much to ask for," said the fox, as he proceded to toss the wrappers from his valentines candy at Bob. Bob glanced at the wrappers and realized there was a woman in the fox's life, a woman he had never seen fit to introduce Bob too. Right then Bob became obsessed with finding out who this little vixen was.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Unfortunately for Bob, the vixen who was in love with Mr. Fox didn't _want_ to be obsessed with. She didn't want to be found, rather. She was a secret agent for the Russian government and former KGB, comrade. 

So when she got wind of Bob being obsessed with finding out who she was (yes, she had telepathic informants, wut), she sent one of her underlings to 'silence' Bob.

Or rather, she send five underlings, who had already set themselves up in strategic, hidden sniping points before Mr. Fox had flung the final candy wrapper at Bob.

"And he just wants to open up a coffee shop in Van Ives," chuckled one comrade to another, mounting his scope on top of his sniper rifle as the other took aim.


----------



## HLGStrider

Unfortunately for him, the fox sighted the sniper and was seized with the compulsion to complete his life long dream . . . the dream of perfecting a death defying magic trick. The dream of catching a bullet between his teeth. Bob watched in horror as his friend leapt into the air and landed dead. He then began to snack on the left over candy.


----------



## HobbitGirl

Once he had satisfied his gluttonous desires for chocolate, Bob fell to his knees before the body of his fallen fox friend, surrendering to Fate in a 'STELLAAA!' position. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he cried to the heavens. "DO NOT WANT!!"

And now that he was on a sugar high, it was Rambo time. Bob pulled a conveniently-placed helicopter gatling gun out from behind a bush, and took aim with a crazed grin.


----------



## HLGStrider

Unfortunately for him, the last owner of this gun had left it loaded with boiled, sticky rice rather than bullets. Fortunately, the rice got into the eyes of his attackers and he managed to make his escape while they were staggering about blinded.


----------



## Mike

He eventually came to an ancient altar stacked with pancakes and wondered what exactly they were for. At that moment, several strangely tall and thin creatures came out and started pouring syrup on the pancakes, seemingly oblivious to his presence. Then their slow, melodious chanting began, and Bob watched in awe as they made homage to the great pancake God. At this point, Bob's mouth was watering with such force he snuck to the altar and attempted to snatch one of the pancakes without arousing the notice of these strange creatures.


----------



## HobbitGirl

"FIEND!!" shrieked one of the Pancake Priests as they caught Bob red-handed in his pancake pilfering. "BLASPHEMER!! MAY THE SYRUP SMITE THEE!!"

"Yeep!" yelped the startled Bob through a mouthful of pancake. But rather than flee in terror like a startled rabbit, Bob stood where he was, rooted to the spot by the heavenly taste of the Holy Pancakes. He continued to rip off bits of pancakey goodness with syrup-sticky hands and shove them into his mouth.


----------



## HLGStrider

"To the juice with him!" yelled out one of the creatures. Two more creatures emerged from the woods pulling a cart, on top of which was a large glass of orange juice. Bob was incredibily alergic to citrus. Just the smell of it was enough to send him into a bloody rage while his face and hands swelled to three times their natural size. As he began to go into anaphylactic shock the creatures stared in horror. 
"It is a demon! A waffle demon!"


----------

