# auther



## Majimaune

im not quite sure where this should go so im putting it in here
ive been writing a book and i want to know what people think so read it and tell me what you think

heres the first chapter

1
When King Mallatoe that Queen Elâ was having a child, Muramanca rejoiced. This would be their king. They started preparing a massive feast, which was always done when a prince was about to be born. The castle was visited often by seers and soothsayers to tell the fortune of the future king. His name was to be Majimaune, which meant Flame of Flames. 
He was to be a mighty king, holder of three elements and time. When the feast was set and Majimaune born the seers saw something in the omens. It was a Ring of Fire. Nothing had happened like this since Elemant discovered and took the four elements and time. Then again 200 years ago when earth was stolen from Amui by Amat Towatar. There were also other things in the omens. A younger brother and sister and another, an enemy clad in iron with the Rope of Earth over his shoulder and a vast army behind him.
After the feast, Mallatoe took his most trusted seers to his castle so they could explain all of this. It meant that that in Majimaune's life there would be a war and that he must use the strength of fire, water, air and time to defeat this enemy. The fate of him was unseeable and his future. Then at that very time Majimaune saw Amalia, the brightest and most beloved was this star, it was called Amalia for it meant Highest of All and its symbol is on shields, swords, bows, quivers, daggers, maces and armour. After that, he saw the three elements and time.
By the seers also was seen that he would have far sight and be able to look into the future. None of the line of kings before him had ever had this skill. Then around his neck was hung a cross, which symbolises power and a ring on his finger with Amalia’s symbol on it. These would also help him in any war.
Then Majimaune went to sleep. He slept for what seemed like days but was only a night. He had a dream, a dream with him in full armour of a king with his brother and sister by his side, Fire, Water, Air, Earth and Time then he saw Amalia, the brightest star. In the morning, he remembered nothing.


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## Majimaune

I thought that I would post the next chapter. Oh well hear tis (excuse all the poetry)


[FONT=Old English Text MT,Times New Roman]2
[/FONT]
As the years past Majimaune was showing all the signs of a king. With physical and mental training from the age of four. 
When his brother and sister where born, Majimaune and his second cousin, Davidatto were sword training with Appatoe, Davidatto's father and third in line to the throne. When Majimaune and Davidatto got word of the birth they raced each other on small horses followed by Appatoe to the house were Ela was and went inside with sword's still in hand.
"Hush they are asleep, "said Mallatoe. "Their names are Mappalif and Valencia. Mallatoe notices that they still have their swords with them.
"You don't need that sword, son, for you will get my sword, the sword of water."
"Really?" said Majimaune. "Truly?"
"Yes. Here take it hold it. It is light. Take it outside and weald it; only the rightful king can weald it like I. You will defeat all enemies and the blade will drop water when enemies are about so that you will always be prepared."
With that, Majimaune went outside and welded the sword so fast it was a blur. Up and down around and around, only he could see the blade. To him it was going slow, so he tried to speed it up but couldn't. The mysterious power of waters was on him yet he didn't know it. None could withstand him but the one with the mace of fire. When Mallatoe came out he stopped Majimaune and took back the sword of water.
"When I was wealding it, it went so slowly and I couldn’t speed it up," said Majimaune, "it also glowed blue."
"That happened to me once. The powers of water took you. Everyone else saw a blur. Listen, it's the poem of water:

I, that dwell in the sea,
I, that dwell in the riverbed,
I, that dwell in lakes and lagoons,
I, the one that bends and curves.
So powerful am I,
For I am the Water of the World.
I am the one that lives."

There was total silence, which was finally broken by Davidatto.
"Are there poems about the others?" asked Davidatto." I mean fire air and time."
"Yes, I will speak if you care to listen.

"I that take over wood, 
I that take over fields,
I the one that keeps you warm,
I the one that burns you.
So powerful am I,
For I am the Fire of the World.
I am the one that fights.

"I, the floating one,
I that keep you alive,
I the one in the sky,
I the one to be rough or gentle
So powerful am I,
For I am the Air of the World.
I am the one that breathes.

"I am the foundations,
I am in the halls of your fathers,
I am under you,
I am the one with caves.
So powerful am I,
For I am the Earth of the World.
I am the one that loves.

"I am the one of day and night,
I am the one that makes the sun rise,
I am the one that makes the moon set,
I am the one that makes the stars come out.
So powerful am I.
For I am the Time of the World,
I am the one that controls."


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## e.Blackstar

Well, you could start by learning to spell 'author' correctly...unless you Aussies do it differently?


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## Wraithguard

*Re: AuthOr*

You have some great ideas there, however you're chapters seem a bit short-lived. Develope your characters a bit more, along with your environment. Should you require an editor I'm ready to stack-arms and sit and critique and help you however you need.


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## Majimaune

Well chapter 3 is longer and chapter 4 will be.


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## HLGStrider

The difficulty with that is that most readers won't bother with chapter three if they don't like chapter one. You have to snare people into the world right away, allow them to understand the rules of the universe and the characters as soon as possible, otherwise they'll disappear.


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## Majimaune

Um HLG have you ever read Redwall by Brian Jacques? It has a simaler start to it (ie the chapters). And if I remember rightly that was what I was into when I started writing this book. And now its Tolkien.


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## HLGStrider

Actually, I have read two Redwalls (Redwall and Mattimo, I think), but didn't particularly care for them.


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## Majimaune

*My Book.*

Yeah but I was like 11 when I read them so that was why I thought they were good.

Story is coming along just not as fast as I hoped. School Holidays now so I should get something done.


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## Mike

It's great to know I'm not the only wierdo who was writing a novel at a young age. (I was twelve. Finished at 13. 240 pages. All tripe, but that's another story.)

You've got some great ideas here, to be sure. I'm not quite sure about the execution. Things are moving by too fast, you're showing instead of telling. You're only skimming the surface of scenes which should be mined in depth for their treasures: the Macbeth-like moment with the seers, for one. Character connections which should be slowly established are rushed, and it feels like we're being thrown a cast of characters which most people won't be able to keep straight. Introduce them slowly. Say how they met.

Have you thought all your characters through? Have you given them mannerisms, quirks, philosophies? You don't need these right away, they will develop, but only if you give them time to wander about the page. Eventually they will spring to life and carry the story along for you.

Go back to the beginning and instead of info-dumping us (it sounds like a horrible word, but it isn't), slow things down a bit. Like moving to the time the queen is giving birth, and having the seers speaking outside. If the dialogue's done well, this would surely attract reader's attention. But you don't have to start there. Start where you like, just slow it down and make it interest-grabbing. "In a hole in a ground there lived a hobbit" is captivating, and it isn't even complex; it makes you want to read more.

So by what authority do I have to say these things? I've written countless short stories and have ventured over a hundred pages into my second novel. One of my short stories won a prize at an author's conference. No bragging (I hope), but I don't want you to feel I'm saying anything of this without experience.

You're on to something here. Plug away at it, like I did at 12, and I'm sure you're novel will turn out better than mine. It's already better than "Eragon", after all (though that's setting the bar far too low). I too could be an editor if you wish.

All the best like! And keep on writing!


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## Persephone

If you need help regarding writing, I think you should consult this forum which I've been frequenting for the last year:

*http://www.chronicles-network.com/forum*

There are people there who could give you some tips on how to write a successful fantasy story/novel. Also, there are several threads related to stuff that will come in very handy like workshops, writing tips and tricks of the trade from published writers themselves -- MARK ROBSON is a member of that forum.

And then there's the nitty-gritty of publishing and getting in touch with Editors and stuff like that, plus you get to read works of other authors before they are even published.


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## Majimaune

Mike said:


> It's already better than "Eragon", after all (though that's setting the bar far too low). I too could be an editor if you wish.


 Thanks for thinking that it was better then Eragon, I had hopes it would be. I'll think about the editor bit.

I've been reading it over though and I thought the same as you. It moves too quickly. I will be trying to slow it down. If I edit the book sevrely then I will post the revised version up.

I will have a look at that link later too.

P.S. I started this book when I was 12 and now I'm almost 15. Long time (writers block).


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## Majimaune

I have been writing a character profile on Majimaune latly and will post it when I have typed it up on the computer. It's quite good and worth reading.

Narya what's your name on the Chronicals thingy. Mine insedently is Majimaune and I have the same avatar as on here so I shouldn't be too hard to find.


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