# Only in our dreams would the characters do these things!



## Nimrodel (Jan 10, 2002)

*Rejected Plot Twists*

http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/theories/10twists.htm

I came across these rejected plot twists which are ok, but I think we can do better.

I'll go first. 

Boromir, standing awestruck and unable to think of anything to say to the Lady Galadriel decides to try a line that is always a hit with the ladies of Gondor. "Hey, do you want to hear the Horn of Boromir? Pull my finger!"


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## elenya (Jan 24, 2002)

Good stuff. 

You know that part where they're all in Moria and they're on the stairs and the stairs break? It's that part where Gimli jumps...or get's thrown (can't remember) the gap to the other side of the stairs. 
Legolas grabs Gimli by the beard to stop him from falling.
Gimli: Not the beard! Not the beard!
Legolas: Well if you insist....*Legolas let's go of the beard.* Hey 
I tried.

Can you tell Gimli in the movie bothers me?


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## tookish-girl (Jan 25, 2002)

What about when they're in Moria and they notice Gollum, Frodo can say "It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance." And Gandalf could reply "Yes, let's do it now!"

Then we get to have either The Dark Lord Frodo at the end (not fun!) Or Gollum snatches the ring off him as he falls deep into the mines and everything ends about 5 books or 5 hours earlier!


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## Valar (Jan 25, 2002)

What about when Gandalf jumps on to the eagle (name escapes me) On top of orthanc. But he misses. OK its lame sorry


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## Gary Gamgee (Jan 25, 2002)

> _Originally posted by tookish-girl _
> *What about when they're in Moria and they notice Gollum, Frodo can say "It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance." And Gandalf could reply "Yes, let's do it now!"
> 
> Then we get to have either The Dark Lord Frodo at the end (not fun!) Or Gollum snatches the ring off him as he falls deep into the mines and everything ends about 5 books or 5 hours earlier! *



   love it!

how about when Frodo puts the ring on in mount doom and the eye turns to him, a thought is placed in his head and he leaps into the flames screaming "you are not my Father"


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## tookish-girl (Jan 26, 2002)

*This one only works if you've seen Deep Impact!*

At some point in the Shire Frodo is looking at the stars one night and sees one he's never seen before............

[Time pases in which the events of the entire book take place and an asteriod comes flying towards middle Earth.]

Okay, so the ring is cast into Mount Doom, and Sam and Frodo come outside. 
Frodo: Oh no, there's a big tidal wave coming!
Sam: Run to the hills!
Frodo goes running up the mountain, but SAm decides to go back to the Shire to be with his family. Frodo steals Gaffer Gamgee's motorbike to go back looking for him, and drags him away from Rosie, taking Elanor and Sam all on the motorbike to the grey Havens.
Then the big wave comes, misses them all entirely and eveything is miraculously saved, because Gandalf had gone into space on an eagle and blown up the asteroid.

Happy Dreamworks/Steven Spielberg-type music plays in the background.

There if you haven't seen Deep Impact I don't think it makes much sense at all, I hope you all have though!


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## EverEve (Jan 27, 2002)

~how about when frodo puts the ring on in mt doom and the eye turns to him, a thought is placed in his head, and he jumps screaming into flames screaming "you are not my father"~

i just about died laughing

how about when gandalf and sauramon are fighting sauramon misses gandalf staff when he tries to grab it and instead gets the palantir. the palantir hits him on the head. and the story has to go on with out him...ok so that didnt really work so well


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## elenya (Jan 28, 2002)

OK this is just lame but if at the end of the entire series they say Sam has gone to the Grey Havens as the last as the ring bearers...Saurons gone...the shire is safe...then all of a sudden...duh duh duuuuhhh.....there's a dog with shifty in a trenchcoat with shifty eyes! The end!!!!

Sure it's lame but then we know that the dog is evil! I'm hyper and I need help. What else can I say?


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## Valar (Jan 28, 2002)

OK, what about this.

What happens if everything that happens in LotR just turns out to be a figment of the drugged up heads. Well you know there allways smoking the best 'weed', well what if at the end of RotK gandalf and such wake up saying ".....WOOOO man i was tripping out man, my head was spinning with such a weird dream, i dreamt i was....like a wizard man" Bilbo says " Thats must of been some bad weed man" Then they collapse.


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## Beorn (Jan 28, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Valar _
> *OK, what about this.
> 
> What happens if everything that happens in LotR just turns out to be a figment of the drugged up heads. Well you know there allways smoking the best 'weed', well what if at the end of RotK gandalf and such wake up saying ".....WOOOO man i was tripping out man, my head was spinning with such a weird dream, i dreamt i was....like a wizard man" Bilbo says " Thats must of been some bad weed man" Then they collapse. *



Please, absolutely you must, check out this thread! Especially read my post from the Intro.


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## Theoden_king (Oct 15, 2003)

*Lord of the Rings plot twists*

I found this on a website, sorry if everyone has seen it before but I thought some of these were quite funny. I especially like number 3, 4 and 5 


1. Balin emerges from the depths of Moria, claiming he "fell asleep in the tub".

2. Galadriel discovers Pippin singing the praises of a bath while he takes one in her mirror.

3. Boromir uses the ring, saves Gondor, destroys Sauron and becomes a wise and benevolent ruler. Book ends 40 chapters sooner.

4. Orc-slaughter competition between Legolas and Gimli becomes so fierce, they take to killing some of the smaller, uglier men of Gondor.

5. Farmer Giles of Ham shows up at the Pelennor Fields and saves Gandalf's life.

6. Pippin hits on Eowyn in a dark corner of the Houses of Healing: "The hands of a Hobbit are the hands of a healer too, you know..."

7. In the happy days after the defeat of Sauron, Gimli keeps his promise and visits Mirkwood with Legolas -- where they are eaten by giant spiders, whom everyone had forgotten about.

8. Aragorn discovers that he is not, in fact, Elendil's heir. His older brother Mutt, after having lived with Ghan-Buri-Ghan & Co. for decades, lays claim to the throne after all the "dirty work" is done.

9. Ents and Elves dispute over title of "first-born". Elrond has Quickbeam made into an armoire; Treebeard grinds Glorfindel into mulch.

10. The Shire, mobilized by Merry and Pippin and now hungry for vengeance, annexes Bree and slaughters "the big folk".

11. Gollum adapts to molten Mt. Doom environment, and later plays a critical role in Fourth Age crisis.


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## Roilya (Oct 16, 2003)

haha, those are pretty good.


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## BlackCaptain (Oct 16, 2003)

Haha bravo! I like them!

Some of my own:

Frodo gets to Mt. Doom only to discover that there is a whole in his pocket and the Ring fell out of it when he was in Moria.

Frodo gets to Mt. Doom only to discover that he brought the Wrong Ring, and the real one is still "On the mantle piece over there".

When Aragorn is sword fighting with an Orc on Pelenor, Anduril chips and proves to be a fake that Elrond gave him instead of the real one for taking his daughter.


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## Roilya (Oct 16, 2003)

haha those are great!! i have one for ya. Sam kills gollum, frodo takes the ring, defeats sauron, and kills everbody, then the hobbits rule middle earth.


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## Turin (Oct 30, 2003)

Heres one,

The Uruk-Hia successfully capture Frodo and Sam and bring the ring to Sauruman (sp) and the world falls into darkness.


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## Kelonus (Oct 30, 2003)

Those were funny especially the one where Pippin hits on Eowyn. I would,lol. Why did Legolas and Gimli have to die, though? (Sniff)


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## Inderjit S (Oct 30, 2003)

What if when Theoden commands Gandalf to name a gift he picks Eowyn, revealing they had been having a lusty affair for for years?

What if Sauron and Aragorn fall in love during their 'conversation' (Which Aragorn was strangely vauge and quiet about) via the Palantir?

What if the Elves of Rivendell decide not to aid Frodo and politely throw him out of Rivendell with a map of Mordor, some Doritos and a Furbie?

What if instead of chasing after Merry and Pippin Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn go to a strip-club?

What if Butterbur takes Aragorn up on the offer to take the Hobbits to Mordor?

What if on their wedding day Aragorn reveals he has dumped Arwen for Elrohir?


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## Roilya (Oct 30, 2003)

haha thats pretty twisted.


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## Froggum (Nov 5, 2003)

Bilbo decides, the hell with the dwarves, throws barrels of wine in the river and trades them with the lake men for getting him safely back to the land of pocket handkerchiefs and second breakfast.


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## Kelonus (Nov 5, 2003)

Thats funny. Well, we all know Middle-Earth would of been twisted.


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## spirit (Nov 14, 2003)

haha! these are all really funny one! i havent read them before"


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## ingolmo (May 28, 2005)

Have you ever imagined a parody of a few scenes and incidences in Tolkien's books involving things that the real character in that particular part would never do? Here's the place to do so. Feel free to post any funny ideas or remakes of parts of the books. I'll start with a few:

When Gandalf goes to Saruman in the FotR to Orthanc:
True version:
' "... For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman Ring-Maker, Saruman of Many Colours!"
'I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all the colours, and if they moved they shimmered and changed hue so that the eye was bewildered... 

Parody:
' "... 'Cause I'm like Saruman the Wise, man, Saruman Ring-Maker, dude, Saruman of Many Colours, like yo maaan!"
'I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of many hippie signs, and other funky and new-age symbols, and they were such that my eyes were bewildered...

Another Parody:
' "... Because, Gandalf, I *am* Saruman the White, Saruman the Ring-Maker, and Saruman of many colours!"
I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven in the shape of checks, of many colours, in resemblance of some shirts that I had seen in land far far away, such that bewildered my fashion sense...

I have many more, that I will post within time, so now it's your turn, have fun!

-Ingolmo


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## Manwe (May 28, 2005)

Firstly. I say....what weird dreams do you have???

But as for parodies....hmmm
When Perrin takes the Palantir
*Real* 
"...And then he came and questioned me; and he looked at me..."
*Parody* 
"...And then he came and questioned me; and said...."Waaaaaassssuuuuupppp!!"
And at some point in the book Gollum should definitley say "E.T Phone home"
Thats it though, I'm not realy full of ideas


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## Hammersmith (May 28, 2005)

Why do we need parodies? I call your attention to an amazing moment in The Hobbit when...

"They took Thorin and put thongs on him"

Or in LOTR...

"Frodo was aroused by Sam"

Priceless!


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## e.Blackstar (May 28, 2005)

truly, Hsmith, those are wonderful.  "put thongs on him..." Ahahahahahaha!


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## ingolmo (May 29, 2005)

May I remind you that this thread isn't about parodies of things the characters say, there's alreadty another thread for that. It's about a parody of things characters do.


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## Corvis (May 29, 2005)

Manwe said:


> Firstly. I say....what weird dreams do you have???
> 
> But as for parodies....hmmm
> When Perrin takes the Palantir
> ...


Nice one Manwe.


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## Manwe (May 29, 2005)

Thanks, Corvis
Ingolmo, I'm confused what do you mean this thread isn't about what they say. It seems your first post was excactly that, making fun of what they say


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## ingolmo (May 29, 2005)

I did change what the characters say a bit, but that was only to make the parody of what they do stronger. i.e. The checks and the hippie signs on Saruman's robes were the main parodized things, not the thing he says.


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## ingolmo (May 30, 2005)

Okay, here's another one:

Anytime, in Mordor: Just imagine Gandalf drunk, out of his senses, staggering into the black gate. The orcs guarding the gates let him in and say, 'Looks like boss's (Sauron) back from the party.'

And here's one that will never surely happen. 
When Gandalf, or anyone offers a pipe and some pipeweed to Bilbo, he looks disgusted and walks away, saying, 'Sorry, I don't smoke.'


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## e.Blackstar (May 30, 2005)

Ahahahahaha!!! No peer pressure there Bilbo! Just say no!


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## Aiglos (May 30, 2005)

It's got to be Melkor and Hurin:


"Alas, Morgoth realised too late, the chair was one of those plastic £10 cheapo jobs from the IKEA bargain bucket bin, and lo! there was Hurin, halfway across Anfauglith with a seat strapped to his arse...."


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## Hammersmith (May 30, 2005)

Aiglos said:


> It's got to be Melkor and Hurin:
> 
> 
> "Alas, Morgoth realised too late, the chair was one of those plastic £10 cheapo jobs from the IKEA bargain bucket bin, and lo! there was Hurin, halfway across Anfauglith with a seat strapped to his arse...."


 
The winner!!!


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## Aiglos (May 30, 2005)

Another one:

The Nine crawled choking and spluttering onto the river bank....

Angmar stared furiously upstream at the ford....

Just then Varunin jogged up beside him, trailing his sword on the ground....

"Oh man, I'm like so totally stoked....That was coool man......!
I'm gonna do it again, but this time with a shield to stand on man.....!
I wonder if that Elf dude will make the waves again...!!!?
Far out......."


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## Aiglos (May 30, 2005)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But this one just had to be done. Double post I know...guilty!


_And so Gandalf rose from his seat by the crackling fire atop Amon Sul, drew himself up to his full height and turned to face The Nine._

_Motionless, illuminated by the flickering flame he stood silent._

_The Witch-King edged closer...._

_Gandalf spoke low;_

_"Dark Captain, you're making a big mistake. I'm a Wizard of the Third Tetragrammaton, First Class"_

**lights out**

_"Oh man... we're so f*****d...!"_

*NEEAAAAAARRRGGHHH! *
*BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!*
*URRGGHHH!*
*BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!*
*AAAAAAAAAAAGH!* etc.


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## Manwe (Jun 1, 2005)

What about Gandalf base jumping from the top of Orthanc?
Or one of the Nazgul:"Dang it, man, I really need a throat lozenger"
"The Evil eye is searching and its looking to....Eowyn's apartments?!"


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## ingolmo (Jun 4, 2005)

Nice ones Aiglos, now how's this:

Said by Gandalf, to any hobbit: "When the going gets tough, the tough start smoking."

By the way, thinking of that, how's this one:
Said by Sauron, in a sort of an assembly, in front of thousands of men, orcs, and dwarves, trying to convince them to side with him, and to accept him as their leader: 
"And yes!, if I ever come to power, I swear that I will make laws to prohibit smoking, thus protecting you from the poisonous fumes of that hazardous wizard Gandalf, and his followers, the unclean hobbits."
Hearing that, all the people in the hall, some elves included, raise banners, and start yelling, "We vote for Sauron! Sauron for president!"


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## Alatar (Jul 2, 2005)

How about...
Aragorn looks into the plantir at helms deep.
" I judged i had the right and the strength, the right was undoubtable, the strength...ehh not so much"
" What happend" said Gimli.
" Well, let'ss just say i won't be too popular with a cou[le of hobbits from now one."
Or
In rivendell, gandalfs flood gets carried away, Frodo, thr ring, Aragorn, Sam, Glorfidell, Merry, Pippen, The horse, The nazgul, a nerby elf, a further away elf, Elrond, Arwen, Rivendell, a large chunk of the misty mountains, Tharbad, Boromir (at tharbad) and a group of fishers, are sweped out to sea where they get save by the Lonely isle life gaurd and live in the undying lands.


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## ingolmo (Jul 7, 2005)

Which mod merged my thread into this one? Anyway, I don't care, it's running again, so my efforts to keep the topic alive haven't been wasted. 
Geez. Can't think of any right now. I'll post some later. *Brainstorm going on in Ingolmo's head.*


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## Alatar (Jul 7, 2005)

Manwe, " No Melkor that was your last chance!"


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## ingolmo (Jul 14, 2005)

Manwe says to Orome, 'You are officially under arrest for the poaching of the endangered species, the Balrog.'

Anyone else?


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