# Journey's End



## tom_bombadil (Nov 5, 2002)

I dont need mine recoverd i have a copy myself
Journey’s end by William Rabagliati

The land which surrounded tom was lonely and desolate. He looked around himself and as far as the eye could see were empty fields, hills and moors. Tom was a Cordeleon traveller in his late 30’s. He owned nothing but the clothes on his back and his kit bag. He was tall with short black hair and brown eyes. Tom had set out from Everdale in Qualimere two months ago, and was planning to walk down to the south coast ready to travel to Kilonjan through the portal. He gave a sharp whistle and two dogs came running up to him “now what do you have here” he said to Lucky and Rex – they were two hunting dogs who he used to get his food. Lucky dropped a rabbit at his feet but Rex produced something most vile a mutated rat “yuck” squealed Tom as he picked it up and slung it away. He was very hungry so he made a fire which was hard to light because of the damp mossy sticks. Eventually he got it to light. The flames were thin and quick they were the type which burned very fast. So he pulled out a mess tin, roughly shoved the rabbit in and began to cook it. The rabbit sizzled violently and soon changed from its albino colour to a deep crisp black. When it had cooked he removed it from the tin and cut it open. The rabbits insides were tightly packed together and really quite off-putting. He retrieved its liver and began to eat it, it had a tangy orange taste but was nice none the less. As he swallowed the last bite he remembered the dogs needed feeding so he split the rabbits remains into two equal sections shoved it in their bowls and the dogs began to eat. Rex savagely ate his meal and devoured it totally. Lucky was more gentle with his meal and he seemed very aware that he was eating a creature that had once enjoyed life as full as his. The night was very calm and the stars shone brightly over the field Tom felt very calm just laying there in the silence of the night, in the magical light of the stars. He dozed off and slept heavily until 7000 the next day.

He clambered out of his sleeping bag, packed his bags and set of on his journey once more. The day was long and hectic he clambered through forests, undergrowth, ditches and rivers. He then arrived in the small town of Tassletalne. It was a lovely old town formed in the early ages of the last century. Tom had lived there in his youth so he knew the town back to front. As he wandered round he had a strange feeling, he noticed that all the houses were empty and that all the forces seemed directed to one place. It was the town hall there were lots of shouts coming from it and there seemed to be an over-ruling voice inside. As Tom entered he heard the mayor saying “calm down everyone. Please calm down. Yes I know it’s a shock but we must come to terms with it. The Avians have indeed broken their promise of friendship”. The mayor was an old Cordeleon of about 700 years old he had a wrinkly shrivelled up face and thin grey hair. “Now we do not know who caused this declaration but I presume its because too many Cordelons entered Avian land” Tom gave a shiver he was heading there but he doubted he’d get through now. “Excuse me! Will there be an attack on the Avians then” came a voice from the middle rows. “Yes there will be an attack but civilians will be involved”. There was a stunned silence. “You can’t get civilians involved” shrieked Tom “What about the army” “The army’s dead child they were killed defending the portal they tried to flood the Avian out with their water power but the Avians flew to avoid it. “So we won’t be able to flood them out then” replied a distressed Tom. “No I’m afraid not, our water power can’t help us there. Anyway the government wants everyone who can manage there power to gather at the portal by 17:57 on the 3rd month of goodness we have not been told why but we shall go” Tom interrupted him “well you better get moving that’s tomorrow”. All havoc broke lose as frantic women and children realised that they would have to be at the portal in less then 24 hours. Tom Quickly escaped the hall and ran back to his mothers house. He waited for 15 minutes for her and finally she came. They greeted each other, she gave him the usual hassle packed her bags and set of with her son to the Portal. His mother was a tall lady with wavy blonde hair she was about 150 years old but had married a 900 year old Cordeleon. Her husband had died when Tom was 21 this of course was a big disappointment as the water power is received at 21. The system proved that tom was still a child. He would reach maturity at 100. As they marched along Tom asked many questions about why she had married a 900 year old and what had happened at his birth no more was said.
They marched on through the baron countryside which was the south of Qualimere. Along the way he began to speak with a childhood friend whom he had loved dearly.
Her name was Sophie. She was a very beautiful girl with brown hair and a light face. When he had left home 17 years ago she had begged him to either not go or take her with him. Of course being the man he was he would do neither. They talked of what Tom and Sophie had done in the time they were apart, the goings on of the village and of course there feelings for each other. Tom talked long into the night and into the long hours of the morning.
Finally after a full day of being on the move they arrived at the portal. Many other Cordeleons where there and were being addressed by the ruler of their land. He told them that they had to assemble around the portal with their weapons loaded and their minds in gear to use their water power. After 4 hours of constant boredom, silence and endurance, the invasion came. Thousands of Avians flew through the portal and swooped on the unsuspecting Cordeleon. The Cordeleon fought back Bravely they tore, they murdered and they fought the Beasts which had murder thousands of their fellow country men. Tom and Sophie fought gallantly Rex and Lucky also played their part. But a hero who shall be remembered was Tom’s mother who was shot down in the midst of battle. When Tom found her body he went out of his mind. He grabbed Sophie he ran for the portal and landed on the rough terrain of Kilonjan which was Avian land. Tom fell to his knees and was comforted by Sophie who told him “I am sure she died a Heroes death. She would of been proud to have died for her country”. “No” Tom cried, “I loved her and yet I never told her. I swear to hunt down and murder every Avian survivor from that battle! My mother will be Avenged”


Please tell me what you think of it?


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## HLGStrider (Nov 5, 2002)

Work on your transitions... ie flow, making things go together. Things are a bit choppy and happen too fast... 

Otherwise good. It has the plot to be a good story.


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## Dragon (Nov 11, 2002)

nice plot, like hlgstrider said. once or twice you used two sentences where you could have used one, or the second should have been more descriptive i.e. "he was very hungry so he made a fire which was hard to light because of the damp mossy sticks. Eventually he got it to light." And work on your use of adjectives a little, try to use some really creative words here and there.

I hope this isn't too brutal, but try it, it might improve your writing a little.


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## HLGStrider (Apr 4, 2006)

Also more background could help. I didn't really get a good sense of the world. It starts out with a very traveling 1700's feel and goes to science science fiction, almost.


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