# a novel what I wrote : )



## Bosko Took (Jul 20, 2022)

Ahem... er... 

Emboldened by several pints of Prancing Pony beer, I diffidently announce that I have just PUBLISHED a novel of Tolkien and Middle-earth. It's called 'The Dangerous Truth' and it can be found on Amazon, here if you are in the UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dang.../dp/0957536445/ref=sr_1_1... and here if you are in the USA: https://www.amazon.com/Danger.../dp/0957536445/ref=sr_1_1... I've priced it at the bare minimum because I want people to read it, not to make a profit - also I'd really welcome constructive feedback from well-informed folk sympathetic to all things Tolkien i.e. this forum! 

Thank you good gentlehobbits and others

(sits down nervously, misses chair and lands on floor)

Peter


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 20, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Ahem... er...
> 
> Emboldened by several pints of Prancing Pony beer, I diffidently announce that I have just PUBLISHED a novel of Tolkien and Middle-earth. It's called 'The Dangerous Truth' and it can be found on Amazon, here if you are in the UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dang.../dp/0957536445/ref=sr_1_1... and here if you are in the USA: https://www.amazon.com/Danger.../dp/0957536445/ref=sr_1_1... I've priced it at the bare minimum because I want people to read it, not to make a profit - also I'd really welcome constructive feedback from well-informed folk sympathetic to all things Tolkien i.e. this forum!
> 
> ...


I may have to check this out! You have me intrigued-- what is the exact topic? The name is enticing.

Thanks for sharing this!


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## Bosko Took (Jul 21, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> I may have to check this out! You have me intrigued-- what is the exact topic? The name is enticing.
> 
> Thanks for sharing this!


Dear Elbereth

The premise is that the story of LOTR has its basis in truth. My story also imagines that in the summer of 1919, when supposedly working on the OED, Tolkien secretly joined an anthropological expedition to Flores in Indonesia. The narrative also takes place in the modern day. The broad theme is that mankind has an equivocal relationship with the truth, whether racial, scientific, historical or - and perhaps especially - emotional. I hope that's not too lengthy an answer - it was a good question!

Best regards

Peter


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## Ent (Jul 21, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Ahem... er...
> 
> Emboldened by several pints of Prancing Pony beer, I diffidently announce that I have just PUBLISHED a novel of Tolkien and Middle-earth. It's called 'The Dangerous Truth' and it can be found on Amazon, here if you are in the UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dang.../dp/0957536445/ref=sr_1_1... and here if you are in the USA: https://www.amazon.com/Danger.../dp/0957536445/ref=sr_1_1... I've priced it at the bare minimum because I want people to read it, not to make a profit - also I'd really welcome constructive feedback from well-informed folk sympathetic to all things Tolkien i.e. this forum!
> 
> ...



I see you have published another work as well. 

I confess to some initial amusement, reading of a "diffident announcement" by one having the "audacity" to publish a work stemming from Tolkien and his Middle-earth, whether directly, or tangentially, or otherwise. Nearly oxymoronic it seemed. And yet...there is no accounting for the marriage of temerity with boldness, and it does manifest in many ways!

Having scanned the beginnings of the book available on Amazon, I just purchased it and will give it a read, though I cannot say how soon. 
We must not be hasty.

And I will give you feedback as requested, though I am far from the most knowledgeable among us to do so. Yet having previously served as editor and proofreader for a couple authors' books, there may be a thing or two I could say.

Now, If you would prefer such feedback privately rather than publicly, do let me know.


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## Bosko Took (Jul 21, 2022)

Dear Well-aged Enting

You've accurately assessed my Baggins-like nature. My dash of Tookishness has often carried me out of my depth - I hope not too far in this case. 

Thank you for your purchase of the book. Having been bold enough to announce it here, I feel feedback ought probably to be public though I am naturally rather nervous as to what it will be, especially from one who has been both editor and Ent!

Best regards

Peter


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 21, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Dear Elbereth
> 
> The premise is that the story of LOTR has its basis in truth. My story also imagines that in the summer of 1919, when supposedly working on the OED, Tolkien secretly joined an anthropological expedition to Flores in Indonesia. The narrative also takes place in the modern day. The broad theme is that mankind has an equivocal relationship with the truth, whether racial, scientific, historical or - and perhaps especially - emotional. I hope that's not too lengthy an answer - it was a good question!
> 
> ...


That sounds like a very intriguing topic. The price is certainly more in my range. I may have to pick this up. From reading the first pages as Amazon has allowed, I have come to enjoy your rather quizzical and novel-like language. Being altogether extremely fond of Tolkien and his beautiful traditional writing, I find this book quite refreshing in light of the writing style that many choose to use in these days that is neither beautiful nor traditional. 

This may be worth a read.


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## Ent (Jul 21, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> That sounds like a very intriguing topic. The price is certainly more in my range. I may have to pick this up. From reading the first pages as Amazon has allowed, I have come to enjoy your rather quizzical and novel-like language. Being altogether extremely fond of Tolkien and his beautiful traditional writing, I find this book quite refreshing in light of the writing style that many choose to use in these days that is neither beautiful nor traditional.
> 
> This may be worth a read.



As we can see, the Lady Elbereth is not given to quick opinions, decisions and conclusions either.
We must not be hasty.

But I must confess, having read now the first chapter and a bit into the second, highlighting in various colors various things for various reasons, and later purposes and uses, (Kindle editions are so convenient for this), my own attention has been captured, and I'm curious to see where you are laboring to take me.

I may need to continue the read sooner than I had planned.
But what is a plan, other than a momentary determination, subject to change by the passing of time and events?

Plans are good, and often made,
and just as often broken.
Very few have ever lived
beyond when they've been spoken.

Yet with reading things can be
set up well - in such a way
that insures we're sure to see
all the magic that's in play.

So with eyes now set ahead,
this old Enting does this read
to enjoy the offered bread
right along with favored mead.

Works done about Tolkien's realm
hold now the first place in life.
Nothing else will take the helm;
except need of my Entwife.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 21, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> As we can see, the Lady Elbereth is not given to quick opinions, decisions and conclusions either.
> We must not be hasty.
> 
> But I must confess, having read now the first chapter and a bit into the second, highlighting in various colors various things for various reasons, and later purposes and uses, (Kindle editions are so convenient for this), my own attention has been captured, and I'm curious to see where you are laboring to take me.
> ...


Excellent poem. 

Of course to be hasty would be a mistake. I cannot too rashly and speedily leap to conclusions, as this takes much time to ponder. 

I hope indeed that you might find your Entwife.


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## Bosko Took (Jul 21, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> As we can see, the Lady Elbereth is not given to quick opinions, decisions and conclusions either.
> We must not be hasty.
> 
> But I must confess, having read now the first chapter and a bit into the second, highlighting in various colors various things for various reasons, and later purposes and uses, (Kindle editions are so convenient for this), my own attention has been captured, and I'm curious to see where you are laboring to take me.
> ...


If only we all spoke in poetry so naturally - reminds me of Sam, Aragorn and others at certain moments in the story


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 21, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> If only we all spoke in poetry so naturally - reminds me of Sam, Aragorn and others at certain moments in the story


'Tis true. It is a beautiful poem indeed. How lost poetry is in modern literature in these dull days, it is truly heartbreaking.


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## Ent (Jul 21, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> If only we all spoke in poetry so naturally - reminds me of Sam, Aragorn and others at certain moments in the story



I must confess, my first real introduction to poetry as a "normalized communication form" (my terminology) fitting into nearly daily usage, was in fact through Tolkien's works.

I had read Robert Frost and others at somewhat a young age - (10ish as I recall) - but saw most poetry as "isolated, individualistic stand-alone" things, rather than a means of common expression. And some things seem to be more memorable when presented in an "alternate" form. How many more stop signs would we see, if they didn't look like every other stop sign? Of course, at the same time some things are gained by change and alteration, others are also lost.

*OF TIME AND WORDS*:

_As time continues on, and words increase in power;
and as we use them constantly, streamlining their flow,
the easier it gets to pull them all together
to deliver thoughts and pictures deep into marrow.

The day can come for some, that rarely will a subject
not ignite some verse that isn't easily withheld.
But poetry, not for all, isn't so respected, 
so in many places poets find themselves expelled. _


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 21, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> I must confess, my first real introduction to poetry as a "normalized communication form" (my terminology) fitting into nearly daily usage, was in fact through Tolkien's works.
> 
> I had read Robert Frost and others at somewhat a young age - (10ish as I recall) - but saw most poetry as "isolated, individualistic stand-alone" things, rather than a means of common expression. And some things seem to be more memorable when presented in an "alternate" form. How many more stop signs would we see, if they didn't look like every other stop sign? Of course, at the same time some things are gained by change and alteration, others are also lost.
> 
> ...


Beautiful. I love poetry, but I must confess that my interest in it was very small before I read Tolkien's works. Being inspired altogether by each of his poems, I have done many of my own, that tend to make appearances erstwhile a roleplay goes on, and very frequently flow into other forms of communication also. I have always disliked the use of slang, as I think it is terribly unattractive, which is quite obviously, very displeasing to the mind and ears, yet in these dull days it seems that few have appreciation for real literature. 

It is a bit unfortunate I might say, as English literature is far from boring and unattractive. There can be much beauty in words, yet I don't see much of that beauty in most all conversations I have. It is nice to be on a Forum that appreciates Tolkien, and therefore also values well-written and beautifully ornate literature.


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## Ent (Jul 21, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> Beautiful. I love poetry, but I must confess that my interest in it was very small before I read Tolkien's works. Being inspired altogether by each of his poems, I have done many of my own, that tend to make appearances erstwhile a roleplay goes on, and very frequently flow into other forms of communication also. I have always disliked the use of slang, as I think it is terribly unattractive, which is quite obviously, very displeasing to the mind and ears, yet in these dull days it seems that few have appreciation for real literature.
> 
> It is a bit unfortunate I might say, as English literature is far from boring and unattractive. There can be much beauty in words, yet I don't see much of that beauty in most all conversations I have. It is nice to be on a Forum that appreciates Tolkien, and therefore also values well-written and beautifully ornate literature.



Indeed. Words are power. Tremendous power.
A great truth: "the pen is mightier than the sword" - a phrase sadly misunderstood by most.
The decline in an educational focus on grasping communication in every way, (including the lost art of 'listening'), has led to a corresponding decline in all of society and its associated culture.

Not without reason do I bear the tag line: "_How much we can say briefly, if we know words..!"._


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 21, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> Indeed. Words are power. Tremendous power.
> A great truth: "the pen is mightier than the sword" - a phrase sadly misunderstood by most.
> The decline in an educational focus on grasping communication in every way, (including the lost art of 'listening'), has led to a corresponding decline in all of society and its associated culture.
> 
> Not without reason do I bear the tag line: "_How much we can say briefly, if we know words..!"._


This is so true. The pen is indeed mightier than the sword when used by one who knows the power it holds. Listening, poetry, and many other things are lost in the dull days of current culture indeed, and it is sad, very sad. 

Yet Tolkien's works remain, and from my own profound personal experiences one of the incredible fruits of reading his books is to develop a keen sense of poetry and an ardent love of it, so I believe that even in these certainly rather distasteful times, there is still a great deal of hope for a deep affection towards poetry in newer generations. 

Your tag line is certainly so true. Words are so important. Well said.


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## Ent (Jul 21, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> even in these certainly rather distasteful times, there is still a great deal of hope



As each of us walks out our time, I hope and pray that we devote ourselves, as much as Gandalf did to his mission, to re-awakening the place and power of language.

One wonders if Tolkien (and others of his ilk) saw just how incredibly necessary they and their work(s) were going to be in and for the future.

And it is my hope and prayer that people such as @Peter Fludde, who has so newly made himself known to the group and who seems to have a background given to such things as language, can help in these days of need to aid in the birth of what new desire can be generated for the elevation of communication skills we so need to stall the downward spiral on which our current course seems so intently and determinedly to be set.

It seems clear to me from his writing that I have so far viewed, he has a solid grasp of the existence, being, construction and structuring of words for a purpose.

As a last comment, (given that I am well aware I talk too much), I would add that my hopes for sites such as the various Tolkien sites, might also be helpful in this regard.

It is for this reason my heart is so grieved as I see the primary 'topic of the day' - the new "ROP" and all its associated contention - turning so many into the paths of discord and a causticity of language that I find difficult to bear.

I shall now withdraw, having said more than enough.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 21, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> As each of us walks out our time, I hope and pray that we devote ourselves, as much as Gandalf did to his mission, to re-awakening the place and power of language.
> 
> One wonders if Tolkien (and others of his ilk) saw just how incredibly necessary they and their work(s) were going to be in and for the future.
> 
> ...


I agree with you on this subject wholeheartedly. A sad day it is indeed when rather than speaking with the beautiful power of words, many seek to use words against each other and even demolish their utmost tradition. 

I hope also that Peter Fludde finds much support, not just from me, but from all. It is a noble cause indeed to slow the decay of a world already falling to a state of ill communication and little of true and honorable speech. I hope that we all do as the same, myself included. If only by my short poems and stories written much akin to the sort of Tolkien, I already strive to make a noticeable difference.

I can see the cause for your grieving. I try to engage in such talk as little as possible, and at any point my primary goal is to both change the subject and praise the works of Tolkien in a simultaneous response. In rash matters, particularly those of great controversy, many do not seem to recall the power of words used with meaning and beauty and fall to the rather sad and distasteful language of these times. I feel we are all guilty of a hasty response which leads to a lack of proper communication and very frequently results in timeless arguments based more solely on opinion than truth or falsity. 

Words are indeed a great power, and can bring forth both great good and unity, and also the rather sad disgraces of discord and animosity if used improperly.


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## Bosko Took (Jul 22, 2022)

Thank you, friends, for your kind welcome and encouragement. I shall try to be worthy of both. 

A Elbereth, can one read any of your poems and stories here or elsewhere perhaps?

P


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## Ent (Jul 22, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Thank you, friends, for your kind welcome and encouragement. I shall try to be worthy of both.
> 
> A Elbereth, can one read any of your poems and stories here or elsewhere perhaps?
> 
> P



That would be very nice to see and have. (Hint, hint @Elbereth Vala Varda. And I do think there was one other that mentioned doing poetry as well in recent history here. I'll hunt them down..!!)

I would actually love to see a whole Forum given over to "Middle-earth Poetry"... both the discussion of the poetry of Tolkien's writing, and that created by others.

(Plus, just 'general poetry' some members may write and want others to see, review, critique, etc..) 
But there may already be a category this fits into... some broader 'generic'' category.

I'm currently working on a rather complex one regarding the initial creation of Eru, the growth and maturing of the Ainur, discord of Melkor at the singing, and the aftermath.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 22, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Thank you, friends, for your kind welcome and encouragement. I shall try to be worthy of both.
> 
> A Elbereth, can one read any of your poems and stories here or elsewhere perhaps?
> 
> P


Of course. I do indeed show complete support for you and your literature. It is superbly well-done.

Mayhaps so. I have shared small parts of my poetry here:








Some Poetry of my own


Ulmo, Master of the Seas Within the shores of moor and sea, A spirit moves both bound and free. Afar in water hear His call, Ulmo, on the ocean fall. His voice is great and shakes to heart, His waves to move in tranquil art, His passions great and numbered through, His spirit in the morning...




www.thetolkienforum.com




(On this thread my hope is to make a poem for each of the 14 Valar)
And if there is interest, I may well show more.

As for short stories, very little have I ever mentioned of these, and they remain mostly a way of rhythm to close the day. They are far from developed, but again, I make no boundaries, and so if there is true interest, I could show parts of them also.



Well-aged Enting said:


> That would be very nice to see and have. (Hint, hint @Elbereth Vala Varda. And I do think there was one other that mentioned doing poetry as well in recent history here. I'll hunt them down..!!)
> 
> I would actually love to see a whole Forum given over to "Middle-earth Poetry"... both the discussion of the poetry of Tolkien's writing, and that created by others.
> 
> ...


I would love to see a poetry dedicated forum also.


Well-aged Enting said:


> I'm currently working on a rather complex one regarding the initial creation of Eru, the growth and maturing of the Ainur, discord of Melkor at the singing, and the aftermath.



You must share this once you have completed it. I am certain it shall be worth my time to read, and will give great inspiration.


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## Ent (Jul 23, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> I'd really welcome constructive feedback from well-informed folk sympathetic to all things Tolkien i.e. this forum!



A progress report sir Peter Fludde.
I have reached page 121, 24.68% of the way through your book.

COMMENTS:
- It continues to hold my attention as I observe both how, and where, you are taking your reader.
- Your manner of character development is intriguing, seeming to eschew the prior normalized method of 'quick development' in favor of building them'as needed both for and through the story line. (A bit of a Tolkien trait, if I may say so.)
- Your development in many places does a fine job of 'allusion' that brings the reader to 'suspect' certain things, without outright stating them, drawing the reader along, and leaving the possibility that the reader could be incorrect in their initial thoughts.
- It hits me at this point as being the first "fantasy mystery story" or possibly "mystery story with fantasy elements" I have read. (But I confess my reading of these later years has not been terribly extensive.)
- In short, I am intrigued by several things both about your writing, and the story itself.

CONSTRUCTIVE (I hope) CRITICISMS:
- A good proofreader would be helpful. There are, here and there, a few (not many) language gaffes whose removal would improve the work and how it's received. (Many readers are quite critical of language errors, Especially those that don't themselves write..!)
- An editor might well be able to help the work along a little too. There are spots that move a bit slowly, and there are several areas that contain some 'extra things' (descriptions, similes, etc.) that don't really "move the story along". Though of themselves they are well written and make interesting comparisons etc., they don't 'add' anything, and in a few cases detract. As one old sage wrote, "everything that is not immediately important to the story - that does not actually move it forward - should be eliminated." (Of course, this can be taken too far as well, denuding the writing of depth. It is, after all, not intended to be a 'business letter'.)
- There is some 'language' and 'sexual/symbolic reference' here and there that I would myself not include, from both a personal and professional perspective. I'm also not sure how some Tolkien fans will receive it as, by and large, it's foreign to Tolkien's works. (Though there is certain clear 'romantic' tone and undertone to some of his work there is nothing overtly sexual.) 
.....THAT SAID: it's true that most efforts to 'bring stories into more current times,' built from historical writings not indulging in such language, seem to have felt the need to bring to the fore our current proclivity toward the coarser "common man" language and thinking to feel, I believe, "more contemporary". I just personally wonder if it's really needed, or a product of 'social pressure'. I also feeling in some respects it restricts a reader's audience. (I am not alone in this - there are several authors I and others simply will not read because they seem intent on degrading language and adding to the societal downward decline in general through their manner of presentation. But they are read by many. I would be drawn to their stories, were it not for their insistence on a low-quality manner of expression.) 
..... and THAT said, there are some spots here and there where the language your characters have chosen to use is probably consistent with both their nature and the situation at hand. (though I would personally never drop the 'f-bomb' in my writing, but would replace it with something less controversial.) 
..... I have done certain word searches though the book to check the frequency of use of such things. It is not much. But there are still a few references here and there I would eliminate as they do not add to any character, to the situation at hand, or to the book's story line.

So there you have it for now... some initial thoughts.

Should you ever decide to do a revision, and see any merit in some specific suggestions, I should gladly offer my services.
And as Sherlock Holmes has said: "My services are always upon a fixed scale." 
His, of course, were far more costly than mine, which remain at just $0.00 per hour. And like his, they require no accreditation or mention of any kind. 

I will not report further, I think, until I have finished the read. I have read ahead in various places to check for consistency of application regarding the above comments, and they would hold up. So any further comment would be of a broader and more thoughtful kind, rather than of this more surface and superficial type.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 24, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> A progress report sir Peter Fludde.
> I have reached page 121, 24.68% of the way through your book.
> 
> COMMENTS:
> ...


Thanks for sharing this. Sadly-- I haven't gotten the book yet, but I hope to, and when I do, I will report my own progress as well.

Your progress seems very thorough and in depth.


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## Bosko Took (Jul 24, 2022)

Esteemed Enting

Were it not to repeat the prolixity which you have unerringly identified, I would say that it would be no hyperbole that I am immensely grateful for your lucid, concise and altogether professional (initial) appraisal of my poor attempt at a long story; as it is, I shall just say 'Thank you'! I might also have said I was f**&%&^£^ grateful, but you have pretty much cured me of that : )

Truth is, I feel I have learned better how to write in the course of writing, and agree 100% that there is a lot of excess verbiage, curse of the amateur, writing for himself. Other people have told me I need an editor, and I agree. The occasional expletives sort of forced themselves in, I could hear my Dr Staynes saying them! However, I think they might go in a revision, as although TDT isn't offered as pastiche or 'spin-off', they don't quite belong or rather are unnecessary, as you say. The 'sexual' references are more intractable, as one strand in my exploration of truth is how our sexual natures and need for love are not always in harmony; the book was not written for young people.

At the moment, TDT is so recently finished it's hard to imagine extensive changes. Revision looks like a mountain, eg Mount Caradhras in winter. I think if the book as it stands sparks any significant interest out there, there might come a point where sheer pride gives me the energy to tidy it up, error check again and so on. In that unlikely event Dr Watson might well hear me plodding hopefully up the stairs of 221b to consult the famous detective.

Again, one very much appreciates the encouraging support and assessment of an expert reader; thank you.

Best regards

Peter



Well-aged Enting said:


> A progress report sir Peter Fludde.
> I have reached page 121, 24.68% of the way through your book.
> 
> COMMENTS:
> ...


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 24, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Esteemed Enting
> 
> Were it not to repeat the prolixity which you have unerringly identified, I would say that it would be no hyperbole that I am immensely grateful for your lucid, concise and altogether professional (initial) appraisal of my poor attempt at a long story; as it is, I shall just say 'Thank you'! I might also have said I was f**&%&^£^ grateful, but you have pretty much cured me of that : )
> 
> ...


It sounds like a wonderful book. I will certainly need to pick this up.


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## Ent (Jul 24, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> Thanks for sharing this. Sadly-- I haven't gotten the book yet, but I hope to, and when I do, I will report my own progress as well.
> 
> Your progress seems very thorough and in depth.



Well, yes I guess so. Am doing a good bit of highlighting along the way as well.
When doing 'critiquing", should specific examples be requested, it helps to keep them ready to hand for discussion.

Plus, gives me the chance in a "re-read" to challenge my own initial assumptions for veracity. This well-aged mind is not quite fossilized yet, and can still make needed adjustments (almost) at will..!

Right now I'm using just 4 colors of highlight for 4 different 'categories' of things I check for. (Again, related to the 'surface/superficial' type of review.)
In a re-read, I would have opportunity to both check the veracity of my initial superficial thoughts, and open up to the broader sweep of the 'forest rather than the trees', to apply an old saw to a new sapling.

But it would really not be until the 3rd read, I think, that the _scope_ of the work could really be taken in, when the 'critical eye' is jettisoned and the 'evaluative eye' is applied.

In other words, reading for constructive criticism is done somewhat in the reverse of reading for story, at least, by me. I'm not sure how other folks handle it.

When I 'proofread' and 'edit' a work, however, the sequence is adjusted.

Proofreading comes first, removing the spelling, grammatic and linguistic 'rubble' to smooth out the read. 
Then I read it for 'scope' so the work is understood. (And the characters' nature and being are understood.)
Only then can appropriate "editing" be done, with the full target of the work in view as the author intended.

For me, taking a hand to another author's writing is a bit of a sacred trust. (I would never succeed as a paid editor.)


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## Ent (Jul 24, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> The occasional expletives sort of forced themselves in, I could hear my Dr Staynes saying them! However, I think they might go in a revision


I would be cautious here. The expletives can actually both develop and represent the character. 
It's not "that" there are expletives in many cases. It's the particular expletives chosen. (Of course, even going to the extreme expletive can be representative of character as well.) 

In Dr. Staynes' case, his demeanor and deportment (so far in my reading) seem to make him altogether unsuited to the position he holds, so indeed one can "hear" this being a part of his nature - and the expletives serve to further cement that thought. (That said, we don't know yet what pressures he is himself under, and from whom, that may be driving him. Is his condition one of choice, or of necessity. We just don't know yet.)

It's a bit of a sticky wicket. Could less controversial expletives fulfill the same intents and needs with regard to the character and situation? Difficult to say for a reader. Easier to see in the mind of the author, who is driven by his characters (as was Tolkien) and suddenly finds them doing things altogether unexpected along the way.


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## Ent (Jul 24, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> I feel I have learned better how to write in the course of writing, and agree 100% that there is a lot of excess verbiage, curse of the amateur, writing for himself.



Indeed. Is always the case. Though I would attenuate "a lot" to "some". 

And my good P.F., I would certainly not classify this as "a poor attempt at a long story", by any means. Yet it is consistent with a caring, better than average writer never to be quite satisfied with his or her own works...and the greater the desire, the less the satisfaction, so it seems.


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## Ent (Jul 24, 2022)

@Peter Fludde p.s. - 
If it may seem at times that I speak "out of both sides of my mouth" with regard to an issue here and there, well...it's only because I do.
As with the creative side of writing, the 'evaluative' side is subject to change. 
Evaluation is as a multi-faceted gem, each facet offering into the whole its own portion.
So do always consider my 'comments' and 'thoughts' as just that. Things 'fit in' based on past experience, current concept and grasp of the work, and (sadly at times) personal preference, all of which are most easily ignored. 

Anyway, back to the process.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Jul 25, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> @Peter Fludde p.s. -
> If it may seem at times that I speak "out of both sides of my mouth" with regard to an issue here and there, well...it's only because I do.
> As with the creative side of writing, the 'evaluative' side is subject to change.
> Evaluation is as a multi-faceted gem, each facet offering into the whole its own portion.
> ...


I honestly enjoy just reading your comprehensive reports on this book. It is very intriguing, constructive, and altogether entertaining. Thank you for sharing.

I also appreciate the length of your posts. No one could accuse you of being hasty! Quickbeam you are not!


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## Ent (Jul 29, 2022)

My dear Mr. Fludde:
I arrived at 56% through your book last night--or 65.2% of the way through "_The Tower and the Mountain_."

Events became quite exciting, with the circumstances surrounding MacJames etc., and the ongoing revelations about "things and the other characters" pertaining thereto. (Not to put any 'spoilers' out there for others who may take it up at some point.)

I do confess for me it was a little bit of 'slow wading' at the beginning of _The Tower and the Mountain_ given the number of new characters introduced and my difficulty initially trying to get them fitted into their places, then keep them sorted out. Only to discover as usual, you are purposely developing them slowly, only in pace and keeping with the needs of the narrative.

By the way, I thought your method and manner of closure of _A New Fellowship_ was excellently done..!

If I have any added 'critique' at this point, it would just be that I very much enjoy your detailed descriptions of things, places, scenery, and events during the 'prep for traveling' and 'traveling' parts etc. (for lack of a better way to try to specify the applications generally). I really admire your ability to "see" the scene and put into it content that 'brings it home'.

That said, at times it almost felt just a little too detailed - or maybe too much - or something. The flow of the story itself seemed to drag just a little in some spots.
And even as I re-think it now, you used those 'travel' portions to develop certain characteristics of the participants along the way that brought an intrigue and question to the scope, and made other things make sense later. One wondered.
So on the one hand the flow of story may have felt slow, but on the other the constructing of the characters was enhanced.

It's interesting to see your ability to dispatch the immediate scene so quickly, clearly and thoroughly, withholding your unfolding of story while enhancing revelation of your characters so adeptly at the same time. It's quite a skillset.

Anyway, all this to say this is where I'm currently at, and I think for now I should make a change to where I'm putting my discretionary time.

I've some research and writing on some topics I need to finish. (Well, on many topics. The list is extensive.)

I've been postponing them in favor of other things, now including your book.
But one of the topics came back with a roar over these last two days, in its usual dramatic way.
I think I should at least complete that one, probably in both its essay, and in its verse forms. (In large part just to get it out of my head.)

So unless you're desiring a prompt finale to the critique, if you don't mind I'll set your book aside, and focus on getting at least that one done.
I don't want my 'statements and promises' to deliver to become as oft delayed as were friend Tolkien's, as he labored to bring his work(s) together for his publishers.

I cannot say how soon I will be able to return to your book. I can only offer the over-used and ignorable "soon".


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## Bosko Took (Jul 29, 2022)

Dear Ent - no mere enting thou!

I am enormously grateful for the time and critical effort you have generously given to my (very long) story thus far. If you never say another word on the matter, I have been as comprehensively reviewed as by any master of the trade - though considerably more kindly, I suspect. 

Very best wishes for your various projects.

Peter


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## Ent (Jul 29, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Dear Ent - no mere enting thou!
> 
> I am enormously grateful for the time and critical effort you have generously given to my (very long) story thus far. If you never say another word on the matter, I have been as comprehensively reviewed as by any master of the trade - though considerably more kindly, I suspect.
> 
> ...



Thank you for your best wishes, sir.
The projects will be posted here, so they can be duly critiqued, assaulted, and shredded as necessary so hopefully they can be revised into a better and more accurate presentation. (Or abandoned as suitable.)

If I may speak briefly to your "(very long)" - (if 'brief speaking' is within my own skillset..!! Some say otherwise!)...

I don't think your story is a 'very long' one. Showing as 495 pages on the printed version, and 390 pages in my digital edition at the current typeface setting - it's a good length for a good story.

And given my reading so far, as I consider any taking of an "editorial pen" to it, thinking about what might be adjusted, spiced up, toned down, clarified and maybe mildly reconstructed at a spot or three, I cannot imagine it making more than a 20 page difference at this point, so maybe just a 35 page total difference in overall book length should the remaining 44% of it be consistent with what has been read so far.

Everything I would consider touching contains elements within it that need to be retained in some way, unlike other works I've reviewed where whole sections of non-essential material could be excised without an impact.

No, the editing that could possibly be applied here would be of an entirely different and far more exciting nature.

And (other than possibly a very few cosmetic spots), as I think I mentioned earlier someplace, it should not be undertaken without 2 or 3 more reads through the whole to be sure the full scope and settings are clearly understood before any of the parts are disturbed. (Though perhaps a younger or more agile brain than mine would not need more than an additional quick review!)

There's something about your work that keeps calling me in. Keeps me wondering. Keeps me scratching my bark and disheveling my leaves wanting to see where you're going, how it will all hang together, and how it's all going to resolve. It does not feel "long".

When there is a proper telling of a story, there is no such thing as "long" or "short". There is only the story.
A really good telling of a story will always be "too short", no matter its length.
A really bad telling of a story will always be "very long", no matter its brevity.

Your story is good, and its telling is proper. Length, at least to this point, has no bearing on its enjoyment for me.
I much look forward to the final developments, and the denouement, which as you know for many, is the ultimate peg upon which the full weight of the clothing either hangs, or falls.


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## Ent (Aug 9, 2022)

Well, sir Peter Fludde - 

I found myself unable to resist, and took up your book again last night.
I can dabble at 'the rest of the story' in my own work now - Tolkien isn't going anywhere. 

The verse on The Ents and The Trees has taken an unexpected turn, the core and direction awaking with me a couple mornings ago, changing all the initial work including the rhyme and meter. New initial stanzas written. Awaiting developments. 

We've arrived now at your _Straight Road and Ring_, 

So hard to see life and lives being considered 'inconvenient', with the depravity of human nature so easily willing to consider genocidal solutions to those things that get in one's way.
And yet, does that not truly define much of our history, and much of our thinking if we really boil our thoughts down to what they would result in if left unleashed...unrestrained? I will say no more on that lest I offend some.

What a flurry of activity occurs, approaching and closing out _The Tower and the Mountain_, leaving the scene once again in a condition of interest and intrigue. How did you survive it?

And what is it with this Elf? (You know the one of which I speak.) 
Among the other mysteries surrounding her, I feel she may now have found a pain similar to that of our Japanese Americans during and after World War II - unwelcome back at home - unwelcome where they are - no place or people to which to 'belong'. (Though the reasons seem to be somewhat different, at the root I'm not sure they are.) It will be interesting to see that unfold and play out.

On we go. 
I think it's time I put a 'review' of the book up on Amazon. It can be amended later if/as needed I think.


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## Bosko Took (Aug 9, 2022)

Esteemed Ent

One very much looks forward to reading your poetic work.

Thank you for reading on in the novel. Though I hoped for well-informed appraisal here, your critical analysis goes well beyond anything I expected and is immensely invaluable. One of the charms of self-publication is being able to adjust the text quickly and, in the light of certain wise Entish observations, I shall do so.

Best regards

Peter


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## Ent (Aug 9, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Esteemed Ent
> 
> One very much looks forward to reading your poetic work.
> 
> ...



Ah. If and when you do sir, look to the latter half of _The Tower and the Mountain _where there are 2 or 3 spots a word is repeated twice in a row... such little 'edits' as that help of course. I recall a "the" repeated twice, and another word that escapes me.

It's also a little curious to me that all your possessives seem to have extra space before and after the apostrophe. Like "the *book ' s* cover" rather than *book's. *Not sure what causes that extra space in there.

These are "inconsequentials" to me, but some readers are quite harsh in their judgments.


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## Bosko Took (Aug 9, 2022)

Yes, I will chase up such things. The 'Kindle-KDP' process seems sometimes to generate oddities but I have no doubt that I ought to do another trawl for errors which are wholly mine, and shall!


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## Ent (Aug 17, 2022)

For the benefit of TTF readers here:
I have finished Peter Fludde's book now, and am beginning a reread for a number of reasons. I have e-Spoken with him separately at some length about things with regard to it so he's already aware of my thoughts. Thus I address you rather than he, here...

_I can highly recommend this work for the following reasons_:
- Very good writing and use of our English language - with inclusions from an English (British) word usage perspective in several cases.
- Excellent character development, frequently in an unusual way that invites engagement with them with a bit of a 'cautious' and 'thoughtful' reading eye as clues to who they are and how they may behave unfold.
- Clear plot development with consistent twists, surprises, intrigue and mystery.
- Some of the most subtle expose' I've personally seen in writing.
- A tackling of some of the most revolting aspects and depths of human/elven/dwarfish kind in both mind and heart - handling both the negative side, and expressing the positive side regarding and in response to them.
- A concept, structure and denouement that is ripe for both prequels, and sequels.

_I can highly recommend this work to the following people_:
- those who can appreciate a good fantasy/mystery for what it is.
- those who can, in such a case as this, set aside pre-conceived notions about "what must be" for a thing to be receivable.
- those who are able to discern the difference between a work that "holds itself forth" as being 'derivative of Tolkien's works', and one that in no way does so, but intentionally seeks to 'expand' upon things from a completely different or alternate perspective.

_I cannot recommend this work to the following people_:
- those who have a strong tendency toward "purism" with regard to Tolkien himself, and also his works,
- those who find themselves unable to move farther than established preconceptions, and into developing (or at least receiving and accepting) alternative possibilities concerning many things.
(These two issues are, of course, VERY closely related - in fact, normally inseparable.)
The person who sits in this latter group will most likely find only frustration and disappointment - not due to the work itself, but due to their own predilections.

I personally found it a delightful, thoroughly entertaining work. It is handled more like 'things of real life taken in as they unfold' than most works I've ever seen, including Tolkien's - most writers being rather blatant about their presentations, developments, proceedings, and then closures, keeping things nice and tidy, with ever the 'final feelgood' for the reader's appreciation.

Mr. Fludde simply takes us on a different kind of journey, while at the same time retaining a sufficiency of 'the familiar' so we do not feel completely out of place as the recipients of this segment of "the story" that is unfolded for us.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Aug 17, 2022)

Based on your remarks, I may just purchase it myself.

Sounds to be a good read. Thank you graciously for your good words, Enting.


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## Bosko Took (Aug 18, 2022)

Just wish to thank Well-aged Enting for his highly perceptive, scrupulously fair and authoritative review of my story - in hoping for an informed readership here, I absolutely did not envisage a professional-quality evaluation founded upon a detailed reading of my work by a sympathetic and uncompromisingly rigorous and well-trained eye; but that is precisely what I have received. Thank you.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Aug 18, 2022)

From what I have seen and heard it seems a great book indeed.


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## Ent (Aug 18, 2022)

Peter Fludde said:


> Just wish to thank Well-aged Enting for his highly perceptive, scrupulously fair and authoritative review of my story - in hoping for an informed readership here, I absolutely did not envisage a professional-quality evaluation founded upon a detailed reading of my work by a sympathetic and uncompromisingly rigorous and well-trained eye; but that is precisely what I have received. Thank you.



Aw-shucks... you're welcome.
But indeed, thank you as well..!
it has been my pleasure, and helped me retain some sense of usefulness as I approach inevitable dotage.
----------------

Connections are made as life goes on, unlikely though they be
that take us all down surprising paths for ends we cannot see.

Some are short while some are long, yet each has a purpose to fill
and sometimes those connections remain, at the end intact still.

It's not for us to wonder why, nor try to circumstance bend,
but seize and relish each such time, and see it through to its end. 

The joy we have while being here comes mostly from our own mold,
so master craftsman may we be, our lives filled thus with much gold.

And what we pass on for others' gain has the greatest impact
supporting thus their craftsmanship, their life's joy holding intact.

At the end when our time comes and at last our molding is done,
we know indeed we did our best that others' battles be won.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Aug 18, 2022)

Well-aged Enting said:


> Connections are made as life goes on, unlikely though they be
> that take us all down surprising paths for ends we cannot see.
> 
> Some are short while some are long, yet each has a purpose to fill
> ...


Truly beautiful poetry as always. Outstanding. Very much did you borrow my own style with those 2-line monologues. What's not to love?


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## Ent (Aug 18, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> Truly beautiful poetry as always. Outstanding. Very much did you borrow my own style with those 2-line monologues. What's not to love?



Indeed, the 2 line stanzas are especially useful for quick poetry.
I tend to be a little more 'classical' than you in my impromptu stuff... not varying the meter as you do.

This one is typical 2-line 15 meter.

I'm still working on the "Ents and Trees" - it's also a classical... 4 line stanzas, 14 meter lines, with a varying meter "declarative" inserted after each 3rd stanza...

I may see if I can standardize the meters of the declaratives as well, but that will be tricky. (And somewhat unnecessary.)

"Ents and Trees" keeps growing (and its title changing), as I work to get in all that "must" be said while leaving out everything that "can" be left out....
Were I to put in everything, it would become "epic poetry" in length - something I want to avoid. (At least, with this one. Some day I may try an 'epic'.)

I'm working into the 9th stanza's content now...stepping back and adjusting as needed while building the new material marching forward.

It's intriguing how much needs to be said, just to introduce 'how the Ents came to be' then 'awakened' then 'taught speech' - then to deal separately with how the Trees were 'awakened', then 'taught speech.'

I have to wonder if it will actually be readable.
The trick is whether I can manage to give it life - i.e. make it 'interesting' - while at the same time being 'informative', which is primarily my objective.

It progresses...and is very fun (for me).


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Aug 18, 2022)

It is very fun indeed! Thank you for sharing! 


Well-aged Enting said:


> Indeed, the 2 line stanzas are especially useful for quick poetry.
> I tend to be a little more 'classical' than you in my impromptu stuff... not varying the meter as you do.


I don't actually completely comprehend your words here, and yet thank you in advance, for whether it is critical or complimenting, I am glad you shared it.


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## Ent (Aug 18, 2022)

Elbereth Vala Varda said:


> It is very fun indeed! Thank you for sharing!
> 
> I don't actually completely comprehend your words here, and yet thank you in advance, for whether it is critical or complimenting, I am glad you shared it.



Certainly not critical...!
Just saying that in my head, the "two line stanzas" flow easily and smoothly, and seem to pour out without a lot of adjusting.
Even many of my promptly done 4-liners can usually be seen to be nothing more than two-line couplets.

The more 'classical' just means that the older writers had a penchant for keeping the meter of each line consistent, and the rhyme within or across stanzas also consistent. Or, the meter and/or rhyme on the "same line of multiple line stanzas" consistent, stanza to stanza.

When you do your poetry, you have a tendency toward more contemporary style, where the writer does not consider the meter and matching as a primary goal, but the content and what it conveys as the key element.

So what is said often contains a much more fluid beauty, and the thought can usually be followed more easily, without the 'jolt' that sometimes comes from choosing words and word order to 'fit the meter' rather than necessarily 'fitting the thought flow'.

I would be a complete failure at a more contemporary poetic style... my brain just doesn't work that way.
I enjoy it immensely, but have never been able to achieve it.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Aug 18, 2022)

Thank you for your kind remarks. I enjoy your poetry very much also!


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## Ent (Aug 18, 2022)

p.s. - we note Tolkien employed his poetry in a wonderful combination of both the more 'classical' style where fitting, and the more 'contemporary' style where that was more fitting - and both quite adeptly, as always. 

I was obviously absent when the 'flexible brains' were being handed out.


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## Elbereth Vala Varda (Aug 18, 2022)

Tolkien was a literary genius to achieve such a feat.. For me, it is more the style in which I think, as you accurately noted; more contemporary. 

I think he was just an uncommon, very rare, and incredibly wonderful exception... However literary poetry was much more valued and practiced in those times than in the days we now live. Yet, thankfully there are some that keep it alive!


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