# Take a look! :)



## Vixen Evenstar (Mar 27, 2003)

hey guys. Check this out. Not as good as some others, but good for a laugh or two. I hope i get the stupid link right!

http://www.fanspot.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3795


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## Vixen Evenstar (Mar 27, 2003)

wups! It's in white so you have to highlight it i guess....


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## Vixen Evenstar (Mar 29, 2003)

come on people!


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## Bombadillo (Mar 29, 2003)

we cannot get in.... we cannot get in......



> You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:



so... too bad....


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## BlackCaptain (Mar 29, 2003)

Yes, apearantly, one must be a member to get into this page... 


Im not a member


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## Novuriel (Mar 30, 2003)

Yep, definitley have to be a member to get in.
So... what is it anyway?


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## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Characters-

Frodope

Pupin

Mary

Samp

Gandaft

Aregornt

Boreyoumore

Legsalass

Gimply

SCENE ONE

Frodope sits in a tree reading a book. Suddenly he hears the sound of coconuts being bashed together.

*clop clop clop*

He looks up to see a horse and buggy coming up the road.

Frodope- GANDAFT! *he tries to get out of the tree and ends up falling on his head.*

Frodope:OOF! Ow.......my poor head..........

Gandaft: Get up you idiot! You hobbits....... *shakes his head*

Frodope: Gandaft! Its you!

Gandaft: Of course its me..........what were you expecting!? Santa Clause??????

Frodope: Uhhhhh......

Gandaft: Never mind. Hows your uncle Bobo? *sets off fire works. Hitting a bunch of annoying hobbit bratts that were trailing along behind them. * 

*Gandaft pushes Frodope off the cart then goes onto Bag End*

Knock! Knock!

Bobo: Go AWAY! No more sales people! I have quite enough handy dandy apple peelers, vacume cleaners and Mormen Bibles!

Gandaft: What about very old friends?????

Bobo: Thats even WORSE! Iv'e got a 44 in my hand! GO AWAY!

Gandaft: Its ME Bobo!

*the door opens*

Bobo: Oh its you. Thats ok then.

Gandaft: HOLY! You havn't aged a day!

Bobo: Jealous eh?

Gandaft: Its not naturel I'll bet........

Bobo: Watever, come on in I'll make a cup of tea or something like that......

*After a long boring conversation were Bobo complains about being old and Gandalf pours his tea on him the two go out and smoke their pipes.*

Bobo: *cough! cough!* look what i did! *hack! cough!*

Gandaft: Thats *hack! choke!* just a wimpy ring! *blows a huge ship through the ring *hack!! cough!!!* hahaha!

*near by Frodope is dancing and eyeing all the pretty hobbit lasses*

Frodope: Yum! Look at that one! Eh Samp! Go dance with Rosy!


Samp: *quite drunk* I'll have more ale....*hiccup*

Frodope pushes him on top of Rosy.

Rosy: Ow! Get of me you big fat-

Samp: shutup! im not fat! Im big boned! 

*Bobo gets up to make a speech*

Crowd of hobbits: Booooo! *they throw rotten tomatos*

Bobo: thank you ! Thank you! You know today is my......uh.......oh dear how old-oh never mind! I'll get to the point! * he suddenly dissapears*

Crowd: YAY! HOORAY! NO SPEECH!

*you hear the pit pat of hobbit feet, see the gate open and then-

CLUNK! 

Bobo: Ow! What the-#$%&#$ why in the%^& is this ^&*^*!!!!!!!!

Gandaft: I suppose you think that was terribly clever......WELL IT WASNT! Your so stupid! Can't even see were your going!

Bobo: Ow! *Takes of the ring* I know what your thinking! You want the ring!

Gandaft: DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJERER OF CHEAP TRICKS! *pulls a rabbit out of his hat* Oh my, how did that happen..........*lunges at Bobo and trys to grab the ring*

Bobo: Its my own! My preciousssssss! *kicks Gandaft in the shin*

Gandaft: Ow! Just kidding! Honest Bobo! I don't want the stupid thing!

Bobo: Oh.....

Gandaft: However there is one very bad dude who wants it so you can't take it with you.

Bobo: oh........

Gandaft: So give it to Frodope ok?

Bobo: Alright. *puts it on the mantel piece and walks out singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall*

Gadaft slams the door after him. 

Gandaft: At last its MINE! *stands there for a full three minutes uttering deranged sounds* My preciousssssssss! *while he sucks on his pipe. Just as he is about to grab the ring and high tale it outta there Frodope comes in*

Gandaft: Crud!

Frodope: He's gone isnt he?

Gandaft: Yes, *mutters under breath* Thank God.....he left the ring to you.....give it to me.

Frodope: NO! I wants it! Its myn! My precious!!!!!!

Gandaft: You don't say it right........

Frodope: WHAT!?

*Gandaft then spend a full hour teaching him to say "My precious" right.

*After Frodope has mastered the art of pronouncing "precious" properly Gandaft hears a noise under the window*

Gandaft: What was that?

*he strides over to the window and pokes the bush with his stick*

Bush: OWCH!

*Gandaft hauls a scared looking Samp into the room*

Gandaft: How much did you hear?

Samp: Seems to me like you were trying to steal a ring from Frodope........

Gandaft: THATS NOT TRUE YOU STUPID LITTLE-

Samp: Ahh! Don't turn me into anything unaturel!

Gandaft: Oh nothing unaturel! Maybe a frog.....no wait, a toad. Wizards always turn people to toads! Or is that witches? Ah never mind.....some blasted princess will come along and kiss you anyhow.........

Samp:Really? Well then on second thought-

Gandaft: Never mind. You will go with Frodope to the the Prancing Pony and meet me there.

*Gandaft vanishes in a puff of smoke*

Frodope: I HATE it when he does that.........

*the two hobbits set out. Once they reach the corn feild Samp starts to wine about being far from home and Frodope has to hit him on the head with a stick before he stops*

Frodope: Come ON stupid what could possibly happen-

*THUNK!*

Pupin: Why its Frodope! *he makes no effort to get off poor Frodope*

Frodope: Can't...........breath...........

*Samp throws him off Frodope*

Samp: GET OFF! What are you trying to DO??? *he suddenly sees what Pupin and Mary have in their hands*

Samp: OH! You've been into Mrs. Maggots bedroom again!

Pupin: Its only some diamonds!

Mary: And some pearls!

Pupin: And there was those silk stockings the Yesterday

Mary: and that gold watch the day before!

*They run and then dive down a bank*

Pupin: My point is - OOF! Shes clearly-Owch! over reacting....OW!

*They land at the bottem in a heap*

Frodope: Pupin, get your elbow out of my ear.

Samp: OWOWOWOOW! Some ones got their kneeeeeeeee.....on my........OW THAT HURTS! $$%^*^&^^ GET IT OFFFFFF!!!!!

Mary: *holding back something that looks strangly like a grin* Oh sorry 'bout that old boy......guess that must of hurt, eh? * he removes his knee and Sam rolls around on the ground for awhile screaming death threats at Mary.*

*suddenly Frodope screams -*

Frodope: GET OFF THE ROAD!

*Pupin, Mary and Samp jump of the road, stuffing mushrooms into their faces*

*suddenly a scary black dude on a motercycle roars up the road*

Pupin: Whats that?

Mary: Wow! I want one of those!

frodope: Shutup you fools!

*the scary black dude hops of the motercycle and starts sniffing around*

Scaryblackdude: I smell..........perfume......

*Pupin chucks a log into the bushes*

Scaryblackdude: Ack! Who's throwing logs!?

*Being the total idiot he is he rides off to persue the log*

Samp: RUN!

Mary: RUN FAST!

Frodope: GO GO GO!

Pupin: I want one of those things.............

*suddenly they are aware of a roaring noise behind them*

Samp: ONE OF THE BAD DUDES!!!!

Frodope: He's after us!

Mary: Huckle Berry Ferry! Follow me!

*the four hobbits race to the river and jump onto the ferry in the nick of time, leaving the swearing motercycle dude behind*

Mary: HORRAY!

*Once they reach the city of bree and find the prancing pony the three hobbits celebrate their daring escape buy getting drunk*

Pupin: It comes in gallons?????? IM GETTING ONE!

*suddenly Frodope becomes aware of some one staring at him*

Frodope: Who is that strange guy looking at me and why do i smell something really vile??????

Fatpubownerdude: Oh, thats Strider. Dangerous person he is! He has not had a bath in years!

Samp: Well, i wish he would stop looking at us! I must look a mess! *he goes to the mens room to try to fix his hair and wash off some of the mud.*

Merry: Since when has he cared what he looked like???

*suddeny both hobbits look hear a loud voice.*

Pippen: BAGGINS!? OH YES YOU MEAN MR.FRODO BAGGINS! HE'S OVER THERE! AND YOU KNOW........HE HAS A MAGIC RING THAT MAKES HIM TURN INVISABLE! HIC!

*frodope jumps up*
Frodope: Shut up you fool! *suddenly he trips and accidently puts the ring on. *poof!*

*he vanishes* *Frodope flownders around in the mist.....seeing strange and horribly grotesque images*

Frodope: WAAAAAA!!!! Its Michael Jackson!!!! *he pulls off the ring and suddeny the strange smelling dude hauls him up by his coat*

Strider (Aragornt): You draw far to much attention to yourself! Thats no trinket you carry! 

Frodope: You CAN'T HAVE MY PRECIOUSSSSSS!

Strider (Aragornt): Wow.....you say that good!

Frodope: I know....i was taught by a wizard.

*suddenly Samp, Mary and Pupin burst in*

Samp: What did you do with the ring-uh i mean.......let him go longshanks!!!!!

Strider (aragornt): You can't have the ring! I want- er.....i mean, your brave.....but not brave enough because i know what hunts you!

Samp: You've gone and messed that line all up dunder head!

Pupin: You mean DANDRUFF head! Look at his hair!

Mary: Gross!

*later that night you see four ominous figures creeping into the hobbits room, they have leather jackets, tattoos and sport earings in everything that can possibly be piereced. They pull switch blades and stab the beds full of pillows*

Evildude#1: PILLOWS!? #&#$%%^&%^&ING PILLOWS?!?!

*You see Pupin, Mary, Samp. Frodope and Aragornt in a different room*

Strider (aragront): I'll tell you this now so the auther of this stupid story does not have to keep typing Strider (aragornt) all the time.......my name is Aragornt. We should go now.

Frodope: But Gandaft said-

Aragornt: Who cares what that stupid idiotic old geezer says?! We have to GO NOW!

Frodope: Alright! Alright!

*The next morning finds them traveling on the open country side*

Frodope: Were are we going?

Aragornt: Rivendale, to see the blasted elves..........

Mary: Im hungry!

Pupin: Me to.

*Aragornt chucks apples at them and Pupin falls to the ground with a bleeding nose.*

Pupin: OW! You 'it be inna nose......

Samp: Stop wining! We get to see elves!


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## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

*Suddenly bad dudes appear out of no were and Stab Frodope. This makes Aragornt realy mad for some reason, so he sets one on fire, of course the stupid evil dude had a can of gasoline in his pocket..........*

WOOF!

Baddude#3: OWOWOWOOOWOW !!!!! IM BURNING!

Baddude#4: Im just a hunka hunka burnin loooooooove........you look good in red.......

*They run away and Aragornt runs to get some weed (he says its to fix frodope but Samp strongly suspects its for other purposes)*

Aragornt: Weed! Weed......gotta get weed.......

Unknown voice: Whats this a ranger caught of his gaurd? Say is that weed.........

*Aragornt looks up to see a very pretty elf lady*

Aragornt: 'Bout time you showed! Some dope got hiself hurt. You can go fix him.

* They run to frodope and Arwen mumbles some gobbeldy gook over him that does not work.*

Arwen: I have to go take him to Rivendale!

Aragornt: Fine, hurry up about it!

*she sets of on her horse, and pretty soon the bad dudes find her and chase after on the motercylces. After a long race she crosses the river and they stop for some reason, on the other side*

Baddude#1: Give up the halfling she elf! And while your at it, come on over and I'll show you a good time!

Arwen: If you want him, come and claim him because I certaintly don't want him.

*Now for some reason they can suddenly come over, and they start to come over.*

Arwen: Higgldy piggldy rockl diggley diggly dockle the mouse ran up the clockle hocus pocus abra cadabra beam me up scotty!

*They all wait in expectation. Suddenly a hobbit comes out with a hose*

Hobbit: Ya said the wrong words lady, but here you go...........

*he sprays the black dudes*

Blackdude#2: IEY! THATS REAL LEATHER YOUR GETTING WET!

Blackdude#1: My motercycle! Your getting it wet!

*they ride away in pannick*

*Later Frodope wakes up in a large feather bed*

Frodope: Were am i?

Gandaft: In a large feather bed you dope!

Frodope: GANDAFT!

Gandaft: Yes, is the rings safe? Have you got it?

Frodope: Yes......

*Gandaft pounces on him, trying to grab the chain around Frodopes neck.*

*Elronk enters*

Elronk: GANDAFT! He needs rest! *mutters under breath* bloody fool.........

Gandaft: Oh yes, of course........

*the two wander off as Samp comes flying in*

Samp: BLESS YOU YOUR AWAKE!

Frodope: Yes, and im hugry. Is there any carrots???

Samp: No sir, the elves are all out........

Frodope: I wonder why.........

*Later Frodope is in a secret council and he watches as everyone screams at eachother.*

Frodope: I'll TAKE IT! 

*Gandaft shakes his head sadly*

Gandaft: I KNEW he would end up with it all along!

*Aragorn pleges himself to Frodope, then Legsalass the elf comes forward, then nearly faints as Gimply the dwarf does as well. Suddenly Samp comes running out*

Samp: Your not taking the ring away- I mean...im going to!

*Pupin and Mary tumble out of the underbrush*

Pupin: Us to! Were coming to!

Mary: You will have to tie us up in a sack and throw us in the river to stop us!

*Gandaft gets a strange look in his eye*

*Gandaft starts toward Merry, but is stopped by Elronk.*

Pupin: Right! So, were are we going?

*Gimply hits him over the head with the handle of his axe*

*soon the fellowship sets off*

Legsalass: We've been walking for hours! My pack is killing my back! Can't we rest yet?

Gimply: Stop snivling elf! If you had not packed all those hair care products your pack wouldnt way so much!

Leglass: Well, my hair would get dirty.

Aragornt: *mutters under breath* dirty hair is sexy..........

Pupin: Say! looky here! I found a bottle of ale! 

*before anyone can stop him he drinks it all*

Frodope: You don't just go around drinking bottles of ale you find lying on the ground!

Gimply: dont worry about it. That wasn't ale. It was that blasted elf's bubble bath..........

Legsalass: YOU DRANK MY BUBBLE BATH!?

Pupin: Hic! Tasted like strawberries.........

Legsalass: You stupid little-

Aragront: WHAT?! You expected to take a bubble bath in the river?!

Legsalass: Well, at least i would be clean then! Unlike certain people!

Merry: What else have you got in there? *he grabs the elf's pack and dumps it in the dirt*

*the fellowship stands there looking at the contents of Legsalas's bag.*

Mary: Hair brush, hair jell, hair elastics, hair clips, hair dryer.....? Were do you think your going to plug that in?

Legsalass: Give it back! Don't dump all my stuff in the dirt!

Pupin: hic! Whats with all this-hic! stuff? You think this is some kinda sleep over party? hic!

Legsalass: WHAT!? You want me to have hair like Aragornt?!

*Aragornt is still muttering about how sexy his hair is*

Legsalass: I mean.....its DISGUSTING!

Aragornt: WHAT!? My hair is NOT disgusting!?

Legsalass: Is TO! Just LOOK at it!

Aragornt: Oh YEAH!? Well who has the girl friend, hey? I got a hot elf babe and you don't have anyone! Not even a human girl wants you! Cause they all think that your one of them!

*Everyone can see that Aragornt has hit a sensitive spot because Legsalass starts to develope a twitch on his left eye.*

Legsalass: Thats not true! I got tons of chicks drooling over me!

Aragornt: Yeah right!

Mary: Hey. Guys why don't we just sit down and have a beer ok?

Pupin: Me to?!

Mary: Not you. You've had one.

Pupin: *wining* But it WASN'T one!!! hic!

*The fellowship sits down and they all have a beer, exept Aragornt who was busy squirting Legsalas's shampoo out onto the ground when he was not looking.*

* the fellowship moves on until Legsalass stops them*

Legsalass: Wait! I sence something!

Gimply: What!? You have some sorta blasted elf sencing powers?

Legsalass: No, i have a radar.

*suddenly a huge flock of birds is flying over head*

Legsalass: TAKE COVER!

Frodope: Why? Are they spies?

Legsalass: I dunno but i sure don't want bird crap in my hair!

*the flock is so huge that it blocks out the sun!*

Gimply: Great! Now i don't have to put on sunscreen!

*the fellowship continues on after the birds are gone and soon they find themselves on a huge mountain trying to get through knee high snow (waist high for the hobbits)*

*Frodope loses his balance and tumbles into Aragornt's arms*

Aragornt: You are ALWAYS FALLING!

Frodope: Leggo of me!

Aragornt: Its not MY fault you don't know how to walk!

Frodope: i SAID let go- oh, the ring! Its gone!

*Suddenly they hear evil cackling and they look up to see Boreyoumore running off with the ring*

Frodope: I KNEW he wanted it!

*Suddenly Boreyoumore trips and falls head first into the snow*

Boreyoumore: OOF! Awww......SHOOT! OW!

*Legsalass grabs his arm and twists it behind his back*

Boreyoumore: Ow! Ow! Leggo! Ok i'll give you the ring!

Legsalsass: Tell me I'm pretty.

Boreyoumore: WHAT!? You crazy-OW! Ok, your pretty........

Legsalass: HOW pretty?

Boreyoumore: I can't believe this.......

*Aragornt comes up before Legsalass can force Boreyoumore to tell him just how pretty he is*

Aragornt: Give Frodope the ring Boreyoumore.

*Boreyoumore bounces it off his forehead*

Aragornt: OW!

*As they walk on Boreyoumore tells Legsalass just were he can shove his hair products and Legsalass takes offence and starts to beat him with a bottle of hair spray*

*the fellowship continues on*

Legsalass: I feel a foul wind on the voice- vind on the hois.....voice on the wind...............

Gimply: *muttering* Twit!

*suddenly the top of the mountain falls off, and they find themselves buried up to their ears*

*Gimply bursts out of the snow* 

Gimply: WOO! Thats cold! Colder then Arwens feet!

Aragornt: What?! Were you playing footsies with Arwen!?

Gimply: hehehehe.......

Legsalass: *spits snow out of his mouth* Blah, ewww.....its yellow.........

*the hobbits burst out of the snow*

Frodope: Oh, good everyones alright. Weres Boreyoumore?

Aragornt: Don't worry about him. He won't die.......*he wispers something under his breath that sounds like "to bad"* he never does............

Boreyoumore: *pops up looking cheerful* Boy! That was refreshing! *cleans snow out of his ears* ewww its yellow........

Gandaft: *mutters curses* We cannot go on. We will go through the mines of Moria. (or however its spelled)

Frodope: What's spelled?

Gandaft: Nothing...never mind.

*they hike really fast down the mountain and arrive at the door to Morie *

Frodope: well, its.......nice.

Gandaft: Look at that door! We must figure out the pass word to open it! Speak friend and enter....*he mutters*

Frodope: How bout the elvish word for friend?

Gandaft: Abracadabra! Open sesme! Hocus pocus! 

Frodope: Ganaft? Whats friend-

Gandaft: Semierle! Hasconsa! Swiss cheese! edlendil! Missopinwet! mizreblegrouch! bigpointahata!

Frodope: Elvish word for friend is????

Gandaft: $%^%^(*&*&()_*())*^!!!!!

Mery: i don' t think THOSE words are gonna open the door.......

Frodope: That CAN'T be the elvish word for friend......

Frodope: Gandaft what about friend?

Gandaft: STOP INTERUPTING ME! YOU STUPID MELLON HEAD!

*the door slowly creaks open*

Ganaft: Woow.....i did it.

Frodope: Ahhhhhh......it was mellon head.

*they enter the mines of morie (or however you spell that) and gandaft pulls out a flashlight, shining it here and there*

Gandaft:Oh look. Dead dwarves.

Gimply: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Legsalass: ehehehhehe......

*Gimply runs down the tunnel and into a large room were a skeleton is propped up against a stone slab in front of a book*

Gimply: Waaaaaaa!!!!

Legsalass: dead dwarves.........hehe.

*Pupin pushes a skeleton into a well*

CRASH!

Pupin: Now i get to make a wish-

Gandaft: FOOL OF A TOOK! Hold still.......

*tries to shove Pupin into the well.*

Frodope: Do you hear something?

Mery: Drums! I hear drums!


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## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Pupin: And an electric guitar! And really good bass!

Boreyoumore: A rock band!

*They throw open the door*

Frodope: It's SMASHMOUTH! I LOVE Smashmouth!

Aragornt: DANCE PARTY!

*Gimply turns to Legsalass*

Gimply: M'lady, would you dance with me?

Legsalass: Would i- WhAT?!

*he slaps Gimply*

*Smashmouth starts playin Allstar*

Frodope: ALRIGHT! My favorite song!

*he starts dancing*

Aragornt: LOOK! The orcs have come!

Orc #1: Oh look! Smashmouth in concert!

Orc #2: Awsome! *he wistles at Legsalass* HEeeeeey baby! Wanna dance with me!?

Legsalass: IM NOT A GIRL! 

*Turns red and shoots orc #2 with an arrow*

*frodope is busy headbanging and does not see the cave troll until it comes up and starts dancing besideh im*

Frodope: WOAH! DUDE! You better lose some wait man! Your shaking the dance floor.

cave troll: Your funny. I kill you last..........

Frodope: Haha! Kill me la- WOAH! GAAAAAAANDALLLFFF!!!!!!

Gandaft: Fool! Can't you see Im drink- DANCING! *he quickly hides a bottle behind his back and jumps up and down a few times* see! I dancing....go away!

Frodope: but he's gonna kill me!

Gandaft: Who- *looks up to see the cave troll* WOAH!

Cave troll: *singing* Hey now...your an allstar get the game on...go play-

Gandaft: *covers ears* OW! That unhuman roaring!

*cave troll gets really mad at Gandafts description of his singing*

Gandaft: RUN! He's coming!

*Boreyoumore is busy talking to an orc girl*

Boreyoumore: Hey baby! How 'bout you and me- WOOF!

*gandaft is hitting him with his staff*

Gandaft: FOOL!

Aragornt: Why must you insist on calling everyone a fool?

Gandaft: Fly you fool!

* They 'fly' down the tunnel with the cave troll chasing*

Cave troll: You bruthas gonna suffa in one big way!

Pupin: How come he's suddenly talkin like that?

Frodope: Cause the dumb auther wanted to make someone in this pathetic story say that........

Pupin: Oh........

Cave troll: WUZZZZZZZUP!?

Pupin: Stupid auther..........

*he runs into a wall*

Pupin: OW!

Frodope: She got mad.......

Mery: here comes the cave troll!

Cave troll: Im just a hunka hunka burnin love!

*tries to smash Pupin's head*

Frodope:Is that Elvish?

Gandaft: That ELVIS you dork.........

Frodope: Oh.....

*cave troll trys to kill everyone while singing "Hound dog"

*he stabs Frodope*

Frodope: OW! *falls over*

All: NOOOOO! FRODOPE!

*samp gets really mad and bashes the cave troll with a frying pan*

Cave troll: OW! *starts to cry* That hurt you mean nasty little hoobit!

Samp: Thats hobbit!

Cave troll: Whatever. *limps away* Im telling mom!

Frodope: Oh great!

Aragornt: YOUR ALIVE!

Boreyoumore: Darn......

*everyone looks at him*

Boreyoumore: Uh...darn GOOD THING your alive. Hehehe.......

Gandaft:Mmmm-hmmmm........

*the fellowship is running away from orcs and just when they are all surrounded all the orcs run away*

Legsalass: I scared em away!

Gimply: Yeah, they must have suddenly realized you were not a girl......*chuckles to himself*

Legsalass: You admitted it! * he screaches waving his arms around* you said i wasn't a girl! You KNOW im not!

Gimply: I never said- i mean- no.......your still a girl.

*Legsalass sticks his tongue out at the dwarf and flounces off*

Gimply: What's with hi-her?

Aragornt: PMS i suppose.

*Just then there is a loud rumbling noise from the door way and hot flames shoot out*

Frodope: WHATS THAT!?

Gandaft: I don't know....lets wait around until its almost on top of us and then we'll run.

Legsalass: IEY! BALHOCK!

Gandaft: How do you know?

*the elf shuffles some papers* 
Legsalass: Its in the script. Didn't you read it.

*Gandaft mutters something about having no time.*

Mery: Hadn't we better run?

Gandaft: Well i must make sure its a Balhock.

*more smoke and flames come from the door way and then a wip made of fire snaps near them*

Pupin: RUN!

Gandaft: NO! It could be something friendly.

*The rest of the fellowship run. Leaving him behind to greet the friendly thing that might not be a Balhock

*the thing that is now definatly a Balhock bursts into the room*

Balhock: Garbleblah!!!!!!!

Gandaft: What?

Balhock: SIEOMBLAHHHASKSOCOCCC!!!

*gandaft franticly shuffles through papers*

Gandaft: This is not right. I can't understand a word your saying! Whats the script say.....*he skims over it muttereing*

balhock says no gandaft i am your father....gandaft yells nooooooooo....*looks up waving the script under the Balhocks nose* see! Its in the script your supposed to talk!

Balhock:RAWBRITNEYSPEARSSUCKSAAAAWROOOOAAE!!!!!!

Gandaft: What?!

Balhock: Growf!

Gandaft: What...um...oh well, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Balhock: MEOW!

Gandaft: meow???? umm...anyways....YOU SHALL NOT PASS.....oh, did i say that before?

*the stupid balhock starts forword and cracks the bridge thingy they just happen to be fighting on*

Balhock: Woooooaaaaahhhhhh!

Gandaft: HAHAHhA! AH! *gets pulled down by fire wip*

Frodope: GANDAFT!

Gandaft: FLY YOU FOOLS!

Aragornt: There he goes with the fools thing again.....

Gimply: who are you calling a fool?

Legsalass: Yeah!? 

*they turn to look at him and he just manages to hide the comb he was brushing his hair with, behind his back*

Legsalass: What are you looking at?

*they exit the mines and sit there crying for a minute*
*Frodope stands up suddenly*

Frodope: Well, lets go, no use hanging round here........

Pupin:*quite cheerfuly* Yup! The old coots dead! Ain't nuthin we cin do 'bout it!

Mery: Right.......

*they start out*

Gimply: say Leggy....was that a hairbrush you had in the mines?

Legsalass: N-no twas a-a...uh....knife!

Gimply: Like fun it was!

Legsalass: IT WAS!

Gimply: Ahhhhh.....and i suppose you were doing your hair with it?

Legsalass: Yes....I mean NO!

Gimply: RIght....

Legsalass: OK! IV'E HAD IT WITH YOU! *he hauls off and punches Gimply in the gut*

Gimply: WOOF! OW! Wuzzat for!? Thats very unlady like of you-

Legsalass: GRRRR......*snatches off the dwarfs helmet and wacks him on the head with his bow*

Gimply: WOWOOWOW!

Aragornt: Whats the matter Gimp? I thought you said he was a girl....Why is he wooping your butt?

Gimply: Im a gentleman! Im letting him...er...her.

Legsalass: Thanks so MUCH! *Brings the top of his bow down onto Gimply foot*

Gimply: Why your wEOOOOOOOWCH!

*Legsalass beats Gimply over and over with his bow*

Pupin: Whats with all the violence in todays script?

Mery: the auther is havin a BLOODY BAD DAY!!!!!!!!!

*skip to scene were fellowship is walking through the woods*

Gimply: They say a witch lives in these woods! *he is clearly trying to scare the hobbits* a powerful elf queen! AND she likes to eat for dinner.....LITTLE HOBBITS!

Voice from behind: We prefer dwarf....SO much more meat you know, but hobbit is good with a lot of ketchup.

Gimply: EEK! *wirls around*

Legsalass: HIDER! Hows it going man!?

Hider: Leggy! Long time no see! Can i kick this dumb dwarfs butt?

Legsalass: Sorry, i get to do that once this quest thingy is over.

Hider: Alright then. Come along peoples....the queen wants to see you....*leers at Gimply* She' s HUNGRY.......

Gimply: she is?

Hider: Very. This way please.

Gimply: Why don't we take out some Mcdonalds before we go see her, eh? We could bring some back.

Hider: Hmmmmm....she IS fond of cheese burgers.....alright.

*they stop at Mcds*

Hider: Say sweetheart,how ya doin? two number five meals, and cokes.

Mcd person: Sure, say whos your friend? *is eyeing Legolass*

Hider: You always were a pain round chicks Leggy........

Legolass: My name is Legsalass, pleased to meet you.........

Mcd person: You are? *she leans forword* Well, so you are! Pleased to meet you as well!

Legolass: Yeah, can i have a number four please?

Mcd person: Sure honey.....anything else i can give you..... *smiles sweetly at him*

Legolass: thats all thanks.

*the rest of the fellowship gives their orders*

Hider: Nice meeting you babe!

Mcd person: Bye leggy!

Legsalass: yeah, bye.

*Hider reads sign above the mcd persons head*

Hider: Oh wait, thats not all i want. it says smiles are free!

Mcd person: Get OUTTA HERE! *chucks a large fries at him*

Hider: doesn't say nuthin about frowns....do i have to pay for that?

*they haul him out before the girl gets too violent*

*they arrive at the QOTW (queen of the woods) place.*

QOTW: travelors i give you greeting.

Aragornt: Ummm.... that's not exactly what your supposed to say.

QOTW: What?! *pulls paper out of pocket* Oh dear, oh dear how could this have happened??????

Gimply: *wistles*

*she looks up and glares at him.*

QOTW: Can i woop this dwarfs butt?

Legsalass: No, he's mine at the end of the quest thingy. Sorry.

QOTW: LEGGY! I didn't see you! *stops looking magestic for a moment....long enough to catch Legolass in a bear hug*

Hider: HEY! She never does that to me!

QOTW: Honey i MISSED you! Were have you been!?

Legsalass: Oh, around.

Hider: I really hate you............

*QOTW pouts*

*Legsalass smirks*

Aragornt: *wispers* he has fallen in to......

QOTW: OH! Oh right....Gandaft...he has fallen in to shadows? *looks unconcernd*

*skip to scene were Boreyoumore is talking to Aragorn*

Boreyoumore: ......and they will cry- look! The lords of Gondor have returned!

Aragornt: *mutters* They will cry, you old windbag......

*Boreyoumore babbles on*

Aragornt: Shut up you stupid fool.......

*he still won't shut up*

Aragornt: Look! You wanna know were you can shove that horn of Gondor?! You can shove it- *skip to scene were Frodo and QOTW are fooling around with a water pitcher and a dish in the garden*

QOTW: .....you will see things that have past, things that are and things-


----------



## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Frodope: That will be. Yeh, yeh, how did i know you were going to say that.......come on that is SO not original!

QOTW: Well are you going to look or not???? If you don't mind id like to get back to Legsalass.........

Frodope: Sure sure.....* leans over and peers into the dish of water* Akc! Michael Jackson again! Why does he keep coming up!?

QOTW: Michael Jackson.....isn't he that poor black boy?

Frodope: Nope! He's that rich white women.......

QOTW: Oh.......

Frodope: Ag! the ring! Its pulling! *falls face first into the dish of water* Argle! Blarg! *splutters and swears*

QOTW: *leans forwords and kisses Frodope on the forehead.* Oh heck! *leans forword even more and kisses him on the lips* Mmmmmm...........

*legsalass enters*

Legsalass: HEY! You stupid little hobbit! How dare you get fresh with my girl!?

QOTW: Im not your girl and he didn't get fresh with me.........

Frodope:very much the other way around.........

Legolass: Your just sticking up for him! Put your dukes up you retched dog!

Frodope: But i didn't-

Legolass: Don't lie to me! Just fight!

Frodope: but i don't want-

Legolass:Alright then if thats the way you want it!

*picks up Frodope by the color of his shirt*

Legolass: If you won't fight you cowardly little hobbit...you'll pay the price!

Frodope: B-but i never-

Legolass: Prepare to suffer my rath! But first....do you think im good looking?

Frodope: Put me do-What?!

Legolass: Am i good looking????

Frodope: B-but why-

*the elf shakes him violently*

Legolass: Say im beautiful!

Frodope: Your beautiful.

Legolass: and cute.

Frodope: and cute.

legolass: HOW cute?

Frodope: Very cute........and completely insane......

QOTW: Leggy! Let him go! Its not fair..........

*Legolass drops the hobbit*

Legolass: NOW your singing a different tune.........when you flirting with someone else im just plain old Legsalass but when your toying with me im "leggy" huh?


QOTW: NO...thats not..i mean..im not......um, yeah. Pretty much.

Legolass: You've cut me deep.

QOTW: Bull! Your always flirting with Other girls. Don't think Aragornt has not complained about you making eyes at Arwen back in Rivendale!

Legsalass: thats NOT true......

*skip to scene were the fellowship is setting off in boats*

Legsalass: Hope these things don't leak.......

Gimply: Um-

*QOTW stands in a swan boat looking down upon them majestically (did i spell that right? Oh well)*

Hider: Um....m'lady-

QOTW: HUSH hider, how am i supposed to look queenly and aloof if you talking my ear off?

Hider: But m'lady maybe you should-

QOTW: *turns a funny color* silence fool!

Hider: I hate it when they make the film negitive like that........

QOTW: Looks cool though, eh?

Hider: yes, don't you think-

QOTW: SHUT UP! *waves wildly to Legolass* BY LEGGY! *waves and jumps up and down* BY FRODO! YOUR A GOOD KISSER!

Hider: He's a good WHAT!? WOAH! M'lady stop jumping your rocking the-

**SPLASH!!!**

*the swan tips over and the queen (no longer looking very aloof or majestic) and all her company are thrown into the lake*

QOTW: OH! Its so COLD!

Hider: I TOLD you not to stand up, but would you listen? NOOOO! You had to go and-

*switch to scene were the fellowship is on shore*

Frodope: I think i'll go off to think.

Boreyoumore: I think i'll follow- I MEAN.....go to get fire wood......

Gandaft: Really now Boreyoumore-

Aragornt: Um.....hate to remind you but.......your dead.

Gandaft: Am i? Oh yes, so i am. How dreadfully droll.......*wanders off*

Pupin: The old bag couldn't resist getting a line in...dead or not!

Mery: Mushrooms! *both hobbits dive for the mushrooms*

*switch to scene were Frodope and Boreyoumore are in the woods together*

Boreyoumore: I know why you seek solitude-

Frodope: DO YOU!? Then why won't you let me have it!?

Boreyoumore: Tell you what......give me the ring and i'll leave you alone.

Frodope: You are not yourself!

Boreyoumore: Quite right. You see, Im you.

Frodope: *stops, looking confused* No, no you can't be. 

Boreyoumore: But why not?

Frodope: Because im already me!

Boreyoumore: Oh, *looks downcast* i did want to be you........

Frodope: *pats him on the back* thats ok, how about Legsalass, you could be Legsalass.

Boreyoumore: No no. Not hardly! I want to stay male.

Frodope: Oh, well you see he IS male.

Boreyoumore: Oh no. Gimply says-

Frodope: Of COURSE Gimply says...oh, never mind. How about aragornt? Or Pupin?

Boreyoumore: I don't like Aragornt. He smells funny. I'll be Pupin, i like Pupin...........

Frodope: Alright, now that that is cleared up, what now?

Pupin: You were about to give Pupin the ring.

Frodope: Oh dear, i can tell this will get quite confusing.......

Frodope: No! I know what you would say and it would sound like wisdom exept for the warning in my heart!

Pupin: But you trust Pupin don't you? 

Frodope: I...yes i suppose i do....but your- oh dear........uh, warning, yes.....the warning in my heart.....ahem, yeh.

Pupin: Oh thats just heart burn. You have been scarfing back to many mushrooms.

Frodope: Stay back!

Pupin: Give it to me! Its mine! Give it you little fool!

Frodope: Ack! Pupin can't run that fast!

Pupin: Oh well.......

*Pupin tackles Frodope. and Frodope turns invisable and kicks him in the behind*

Pupin: OWCH! I don't want to be Pupin anymore! Im Boreyoumore now........you can come back! Frodope? Frodope?!
*starts weeping* Im soooooorrrrrrry Froooooodooope come back!

*Meanwhile Frodope is running away with the ring still on*

Frodope: Ahhhhh! Jackson is MOONWALKING! Ahhhh!

*falls of a tall thingy*

Frodope: *takes the ring off* OOF! 

Aragornt: Your lack of cordination is really starting to annoy me....

Frodope: Stay back!

Aragornt: What? Whats wrong?

Frodope: He tried to take it!

Aragornt: WHO?

Frodope: Ummmm......either it was Pupin or Boreyoumore.....im not sure which.

Aragornt: Your not SURE who tried to steal the ring from you?

Frodope: Stay away!

*they go through the big swearing his loyalty thingy and then the RUN thingy*

Aragornt: RUN!

Frodope: No sorry, i do jog sometimes though-

Aragornt: GO! Its ORCS!

*Frodope clues in, and runs away. *

Frodope: I really hate running. Speedwalking maybe, sprinting even- OOF!

*falls again*

Frodope: WHY do i keep doing that? 

Voices from a bush: PSSST! Frodope, over here!

Frodope: Wha? Pupin? Mery?

Pupin: Hide here!

Frodope: No way! Your Boreyoumore now I'll bet!

Pupin: Huh?

Mery: He's leaving!

Pupin: Frodope! *jumps out of the bush*

Mery: NO, Pupin you idiot stop!

*the orcs turn to look at the two hobbits*

Pupin: Uh oh...........

Mery: Hey! Over here! Come get us! *runs away*

Orc #1: Forsooth! Yonder be the young hobbits! Tis our duty to capture these fellows!

Orc#2: Why are yer talkin like that all of a suddin?

Orc#1: Tis the auther again........

*the orcs run after the hobbits*

Orc#2: Get the hoobits alive!

Orc#1: Tis hobbits my good fellow, not hoobits.

*Orc#2 bashes him over the head*

*they are just about on top of the hobbits when- *heroic music* out rushes-*more heroic music-

Boreyoumore: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

*fights the orcs like mad*

*gets stuck with and arrow*

Boreyoumore: Heavens, that hurt a little you know! I will blow the horn of Gondor! *reaches into backpack* hold on, its here somewere......aha! *pulls out a bannana* Oh, all this time i thought i had brought it with me..........

*gets shot with another arrow*

Boreyoumore: Say, do you mind not doing that? Its a trifle annoying...........

*gets shot again*

Boreyoumore: Oh bother.......*hacks the nearest orcs head off*
So sorry.........

*gets hit with another*

Boreyoumore: Well REALLY! I ASKED nicely for you to stop.....no manners at all..........

*gets shot again*

Boreyoumore: Arggg!

*is starting to resemble a pincushion*

*falls to his knees*

*Pupin and Mery charge the orcs and don't even manage to kill one before they are carried away*

Nasty dude: Hehehe.........now i will finish you off........

Aragornt: Nooooooo! *bashes into the nasty dude*

*they start fighting*

*Aragornt jabs his sword wimpily into the nasty dudes stomick*

Nasty dude* hehehe........*pulls it in more* OWOWOOWOW!

*falls over*

Aragornt: Idiot..........

*Aragornt is kneeling over Boreyoumore*

Aragornt: Are you dead?

Boreyoumore: Your.........blocking.......my......light.

Aragornt: Your ALIVE!?

Boreyoumore: Get.......out......of......the......way.

*bends over and kisses him*

Boreyoumore: On the FOREHEAD you IDIOT!

Aragornt: Oh, yeah....sorry.

Boreyoumore: Yuck.......i think im gonna......die.

Aragornt: Really?!

Boreyoumore: Well, no.

Aragornt: Oh...........darn.

Boreyoumore: Im fine really- ack! *turns purple and flops over*

Legsalass: Is he dead?

Gimply: Is he dead?

Aragornt: Dunno...are you dead?

*no reply*

Gimply: HOORAY!

*they put him in a boat and shove him down the river laughing the whole time*

*skip to scene were Frodo is escaping in a boat*

Frodope: No SAMP im doing this ALONE!

Samp: Of course you are, why am i doing this? *turns back* Oh bother the waters to deep-

Frodope: Samp you can't swim!

Samp: I cant- gerble! Blub blub!

Frodope: Arg! You dork!

*reaches down and hauls Samp up by the hair*

Samp: Owowowowow! Mr. Frodope that hurts!

Frodope: Oh shut up and get in the boat.

*Samp tries to get in and ends up dumping Frodope in the river*

Frodope: *spluttering* I KNEW you were going to do that!

Samp: Woops.


----------



## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Frodope: fool.

*switch to scene were Aragornt, legsalass and Gimply are on the shore looking out at the water*

Legsalass: Gone are they?

Aragornt: Yep.....lets go hunt some orc!

Gimply: AllRIGHT!

*switch to scene were Frodope and Samp are in mordor*

Frodope: I don't expect we will ever see the others again.

Samp: I hope not Mr. Frodope.........I hope not.

THE END

Maybe............

Credits-


This script is a product of- Idiot films inc.

The acters in this script were-

Frodope- Hardly Smart

Samp: Frankly a. n. Idiot

Mery: Sostupid Ithurts

Pupin: Joe

Aragornt: General Lee Stupid

Boreyoumore: Neverdie Tillend

Legsalass: Matt ed Hair

Gimply: Simon .s. Dork

Arwen: Ima prettyelfanyournot

QOTW: Youra Prettyhotdude

Comments on the fun they had making this dumb thing-

Aragornt: He DIED! He's DEAD! YAHOO!

Boreyoumore: Yeah, i was kinda surprised that happened.

Gimply: Yeah, i had fun making this and fooling around with the elf ladys........

Legsalass: I......AM........NOT........A.........GIRL!

Samp: I wanted the ring.

Mery: Stop asking me if i had fun and show me the beer.

Pupin: Im kinda hungry.

Arwen: Yeah, um......i can't think of anything. I didn't have fun.

QOTW: Say, your kinda cute, lets say you and me-


We didn't get the rest of her comment because the reporter ran away.

TTT-


*Gimpy, Aragornt and Legsalass are running over the country side trying to catch the orcs that have taken their friends captive. Poor Gimpy (being gimpy) is laggin behind.

Gimpy: *pant pant!* wait up....erg...*gasp gasp* You stupid elf! Aragornt tell him to stop grinning at me! *falls flat on face*

*Legsalass laughs at him*

Aragornt: Shutup you two! Run!

Gimpy: Awwww....cant.

*Legsalass hauls him up by his beard*

Gimpy: Agg! Why are you always doing that?!

Legsalass: You have strong roots! What kind of shampoo do you use?

Gimpy: I don't shampoo my beard, you pathetic excuse for a male personage!

Legsalass: Personage?

Aragornt: Shut up and run! *cracks wip*

Gimpy: Where did he get that?

Aragornt: I had Indiana Jones drop it off. Now start running.

Gimpy: Herrison Ford was here?! Did you get his autograph?

*scene shows hobbits being carried along by scary orcs and Urakiah thingys*

Pippen: Bad......breath.....can't....breath!


Orc #23: Thats it! We want a breather!

Orc #22: *pulls out inhaler* You got asmah? I brought my inhaler..... *hands it to orc 23*

Orc #23: Woo...thanks......*weezes*

*All other orc laugh at him*

Orc #78: He's got asmah!

Orc #45: Wimpy!

*Orc 23 starts to cry*

Orc #25: We're hungry! We want lunch!

Orc #22: Can we stop at White Spot?

Lurtz: No good. We got kicked out last time becuase sooooome one strangled the waiter! *looks pointedly at Orc #3*

Orc #3: What?! He was laughing at my tie! I happen to LIKE little pink fishys!

Lurtz: I brought granola.

Orcs: Yuck! Gross..no way! I hate granola! What are you, a hippie?! 

Lurtz: Well I like granola. You'll just have to starve.

Orc #4: What about them? *points at hobbits* There fresh!

Pippen: Ummm.....actually im afraid you'd find us quite stale.....really......and i havn't had a bath in weeks.....

Merry: Its true! He smells horrible !

*Orcs look at Merry*

Merry: Uhhh....and me too! We'd taste awful......stop looking at us! Agggg!!!! Pippen!!!

Lurtz: Let go of them! NO EATING THEM! We don't have any ketchup anyhow.

Orc #5: What about their legs? They don't need those!

Merry: We don't?!

Lurtz: Your annoying. *chops off Orc #5's head* Meats back on the menu boys!

Pippen: Oh gross.......

*just then there is a crashing and stamping sound coming from over the hill.*

Pippen: Merry. Whats that?

Merry: The trees! They- oh wait....it's some one..WHAT?! It CAN'T BE!!!!!!

*Pupin and Mary's mouths are hanging open in shock as they watch Boreyoumore run towards the orcs*

Boreyoumore: *Tarzan yell*

Pupin: He's supposed to be DEAD!

Mary: Yeah....weird.

Boreyoumore: Die orcs! Die! This is Boreyoumore's last stand! For death and glory! For the red sun and all that stuff im supposed to yell!!!!

*gets stabbed about twenty times and falls over*

Boreyoumore: Why does this keep happening?

*just then there is a mighty stamping and drumming noise as an army of horse men fly to meet the orcs in battle (pretty poeticul sounding, eh? Im pretty proud of this line)*

Pupin: Merry! Quike! Run! Er....Crawl!

*both hobbit crawl away from the battle and Pupin manages to cut his ropes and then untie Mary*

Orc: Im gonna get you hobbits! *grabs Mary's belt*

Pupin: Mary! The belt!

Mary: Ahhh! he's givin' me a wedgie! *manages to tear away from the orc's grasp*

*both hobbits run into the forest*



later-

Gimpy: Slow down!

Aragornt: Wait! Some one approaches!

*they hide behind some rocks*

*horses go by*

Aragront : *Jumps out from behind rock* nan na na na boo boo!

*horse men come back and from a circle around them*

Horse man dude: What business to a dwarf, an elf and a man have on the.....the.....shoot!

Dwarf: Idiot.....didn't you read the script?!

Horse man dude: I got the FIRST part right! If your head where a little higher from the ground, Dwarf, id poke you in the eyes!

Legsalass: You would die before your- hey...wait......you would poke him in the eyes?

Horse man dude: There's to much talk of death in this script! Why can't we substitute it for less painfull things?

Legsalass: Ok..umm....you would be punched in the stomack before your....your- fingers fell......man, that sounds lame....

Aragornt: AHEM! ......ANYWAYS.... we are seeking two hobbits...they would be but children to your eyes.

Horse man dude: Oh we killed them I'll bet. I hate kids.....

Legsalass: WHAT!?

Horse man dude: Erm...i mean....we killed all the orcs. We saw no kids.....*mutters underbreath* hate kids! LETS RIDE MEN!

*they gallop off in a cloud of dust*



*scene where the hobbits are in the forest*

Mary: Did we lose him?

Pupin: I think so.

*Orc pops out behind bush*

Orc: BOO!

Hobbits: Waaaah!

*the hobbits climb up a tree*

Mary: How can we climb up this tree so fast? Tolkien said hobbits cannot climb very well at all-

Pupin: This is holly wood, Mary! Keep climbing!!!!

Mary: Oh sure, holly wood- GAH! *gets pulled down by orc*

Pupin: MARRRRYYYYYY- AHHHH!!!!!!! *he see's the tree has suddenly opened its eyes*

Treemustache: Oom.....oom...gloom, ect ect. *making tree noises*

*stomps on orc*

Pupin: MAry! Ruuuun!

*tree picks up mary.*

Treemustache: What this? Orcs in my woods?

Pupin: The tree, is talking Mary!

Mary: Its been given bad furtilizer..or...something....

Treemustache: TREE?! I may LOOK like a tree and ACT like a tree And TALK like a tree but don't let that fool you...i really am a tree!

Mary: He's using Groucho Marx lines, Pupin!

Pupin: Don't encourage it, Mary!

Treemustache: I am an ent. And you....young orc...are in my forest...

Mary: We aren't orcs! We are HOBBITS!

Treemustache: well....whatever you may be...i think i will crush you in half with my fists of iron anyhow.......

Pupin: Agg! We're HOBBITS! Halflings! Shire folk! Little People-

Treemustache: Yes i know...shut up will you? I'll let the white wizard deal with you.

*throws them down in front of the white wizard*

*Meanwhile back at the destroyed orc camp and scene of battle-*

Aragornt: THEY ARE DEAD! *kicks helmet and screams*

Gimpy: Well really...no nead to get all worked up about it!

Aragornt: *wimpering* Im not...i just broke my foot kicking that stupid helmet.....

*Legsalass peers into the helmet*

Legsalass: Well no wonder......there's still a head in it!

Gimpy: That is REALLY gross....

Legsalass: *drops the helmet* Eww yuck!

Aragornt: Hey wait! A hobbit lay here. Then he rolled over here and nearly got stamped by a horse....the horse was black.

Gimpy: How do you know that?

Aragornt: well.....because the tracks are two inches deep.

Gimpy: ..........

Aragornt: The horse had a rider on it.

Legsalass: WHO CARES!? what about the hobbits!?

Aragornt: The rider had blond hair.

Gimpy: Come ON! You can't tell what color hair he had!

Aragornt: And he hadn't brushed his teeth in a week.

Gimpy: The horse?

Aragornt: The RIDER!

Legsalass: HOBBITS!

Aragornt: No...the rider was a human.

*Legsalass hits him on his foot with the end of his bow*

Aragornt: OWwwwww!

Legslass: Get working! What about the hobbits...

Aragornt: Ok.ok....the hobbit rolled over here, cut his ropes and cut the other hobbits ropes....they where followed. Here's a hobbit belt. The Orc that followed them had really bad breath....

Gimpy: I could have told you that without looking at his tracks!!!

Aragornt: They ran away from the battle and into the woods.

Gimpy: What madness drove them in there?

Legsalass: Well how about a rabid Orc chasing you?

*scene switches to Frodope and Sam*

Frodope: I can't keep walking ......my feet hurt....the ring is heavy...im really hungry....

Samp: Do shut up Mr. Frodope......

Frodope: But im sooo hungry...

Samp: Have some Lembas.....im so sick of them anyhow....

Frodope: *winey voice* I don't waaaaant lebaaas...

Samp: There's a horrid stench....i warrant we are near a bog...

Frodope: so?

Samp: so as soon as we find it Id love to push you in.

Frodope: I think something is following us....

Samp: Yes i know.....iv'e been thinking that all along.....

Frodope: Have not! I saw it first!


----------



## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Samp: Did not! I did!

Frodope: Shut up and go to sleep...


*later*

Gulloom: We wants it....they stole it from us precioussss! Evil fat hobbits stole our precious!

Beagle: But you where stupid, precious..you let them have it!

Gulloom: No we didn't! You where the one who was supposed to be watching! 

Beagle: Stupid little monster! You where!

Gulloom: Was not!

Beagle: Shut up or I'll hit you!

Gulloom: Just try it!

*Frodope and Samp wake up to see Gulloom hitting himself in the nose.*

Beagle: Now you woke the fat hoobits, precious! Way to go!

Smeagle: Shut up and attack them! We must get the precious!

*Gulloom launches himself off the rock and onto Frodope...fighting with himself the whole time.*

Frodope: get him off! Samp help!

Samp: Let go the ring! I mean.....get off him!

*meanwhile Aragornt, Gimpy and Legsalass are walking through the forest*

Legsalass: The trees....they are old and full of anger....they are speaking to each other....

Gimpy: *wispers to Aragornt* do you think we should get him some help?

Aragornt: *wispers back* after this mission thingy we can take him to see a shrink....

Legsalass: I don't NEED a shrink!

Gimpy: Oh sure....*mimicks Legsalass* the trees! They're talking to each other!

Trees: CREAK! SNAP! CRACKLE! POP!

Legsalass: Hey! They sound like my breakfast in the morning!

Gimpy: Oh aye...im sure they do...*rolls his eyes* the trees talk, sound like your breakfast, and you think your a man....*to Aragornt* and he says he don't need a shrink!

Legsalass: I AM NOT A GIRL!

Gimpy: Sure...thats what you belive...

Legsalass: Aragornt! Tell him not to say that!

Trees: CREAAAK! CREAAAAK!

Aragornt: Ummmm...Gimpy...that tree is-

Gimpy: AGGGG! 

*Legsalass laughs hysterically as Gimpy tries to get loose from the tree, which seems to have pulled his underwear up to the middle of his back*

Gimpy: IIIEEY! ITS GIVIN ME A WEDGIIIIEEE!!!!!!!

Aragornt: Put down your axe!

*the dwarf drops his axe and the tree drops his panties*

Gimpy: OWOWOWOWOOWIEEEE!!!!

Legsalass: Hehehehehe! Oh man...that was great!

Aragornt: Ethnaik remmnan ishnail ippnickity pock!

Legsalass: Ummm......

Aragornt: Diffty nat rick tok pong!

Legsalass: WHAT?!

Aragornt: Yes.....Its true....be on your guard

Legsalass: NO! WHAT in the heck are you saying?!

Aragornt: I was speaking in Elvish!

Legsalass: You where NOT!

Aragornt: Was SO!

Legsalass: Maybe in elvish Piglatin backword and UNDERWATER!

Aragront: Huh?

Legsalass: I have NO clue what you just said...

Aragornt: Do i have to spell it out???

Legsalass: IN ENGLISH!!!

Aragornt: t-h-e w-h-i-t-e w-i-z-a-r-d i-s n-e-a-r-!

Legsalass: Your 'opeless

Aragornt: Isn't that line later on in the movie?

Aragornt: THE WHITE WIZARD IS NEAR YOU DORK!

Legsalass: Im NOT a dork!

Gimpy: White wizard?!

Aragornt: Well you think you'd understand-

Legsalass: You don't know how to speak Elvish!

Aragornt: I DO TOO!

Gimpy: Uhhh...guys?

Legsalass: Your SO stupid!!!

Aragornt: Am NOT!

Legsalass: You have the intellect of a DEAD SHEEP!

Aragornt: a WHAT?!

Gimpy: Umm...guys....the wizard?

Legsalass: WHAT?! You don't even know what a sheep is?! 

Gimpy: Helloooo! WHITE WIZARD?!

Voice from behind: Yes?

Gimpy: Ack!

*A blinding light shines in their eyes*

Aragornt: Ahh! Sarumon!

Gimpy: If you idoit weren't so busy arguing about dead sheep we would have spotted him before!

Legsalass: No it's ok...it Gandalf.

Aragornt: You aren't supposed to SAY SO idiot!!!!

Legsalass: Well the audience is going to find out sooner or later anyways.......

White wizard dude: Actually...thats where you'd be mistaken...

*the white light fades away and there stands-*

Legsalass: SARUMON?!

Sarumon: There's been a slight change in the script.......

Aragornt: Crap.....

*skip to scene with Frodo and Sam*

Frodope: Get him of me!

Beagle: Shut up! We are getting the precious!

Samp: No your not!

Gulloom: My, what lovely high cheek bones Elijah Woods has, yesss precious......

Frodope: Samp quick! 

*Samp grabs Gulloom's foot and pulls him off Frodope*

Gulloom: Arrrg!!!! Stupid fat hobbit! To many cheese burgers, preciousss!!!!

Samp: Im big boned! WHEN was the last time you had a BATH?!

Gulloom: Unatural long life the ring gives, yes. Not had a bath in a couple thousand days we havn't, no.

Samp: Help! Mr. Frodope! He's talkin like Yoda!

Frodope: He's confused......he looks rather more like Jar Jar.....

Samp: But only after he got run over by a dump truck....

Gulloom: Give us the preciousss!

*he chokes Samp*

Samp: *turning blue* MR. FRODOPE! Ack! Gurk! ect ect...{making choking noises...}

Frodope: What? OH! Right...... this is Sting! I think you've met him before.....

Gulloom: Hello Stink.

Frodope: STING!

Gulloom: Eehehehe! We like Stink better.....

Frodope: Let him go!

*Gulloom lets Samp go and starts to cry*

Gulloom: Stupid fat hobbit hurt my feelings!

Samp: What?! Stop whining! I didn't choke YOU!

Frodope: Who did you choke?

Samp: Eh?

Frodope: Who did you choke?

Samp: NO ONE! Why would i choke someone!?

Frodope: Oh well you said--- ahh...never mind.....

Frodope: Err----ahhh---oh yes. Gulloom can you take us to Morebored?

Gulloom: Morebored? Where Saroom himself lives!? *dramatic gasp* well i suppose so......

Aragornt: This is all wrong!

Gimpy: Why did they not tell us?

Sarumon: Oh well....they didn't have time.....

Legsalass: Shoot.....so what are we supposed to-

Voice from behind: WAIT WAIT!

Aragornt, Gimpy and Legsalass: GANDAFT!

Gandaft: Im HERE! *panting* I made it!

Sarumon: Oh....so this means i can go back to my tower?

Gandaft: Yes yes...thank you for filling in.

Aragornt: soooo confused.....

*Sarumon gets into a red Ferrari and drives away*

Legsalass: Nice car.

Gimpy: Since when are girls interested in cars?

Legsalass: ................

Gandatf: Come! We must ride to Rohan!

Gimpy: Why?

Gandaft: I don't remember...but i know its in the script.

Gimpy: Aaaaah...ok.

*they walk out of the forest and into a feild*

Gandaft: Wistles.

*A black horse comes running up*

Gandaft: Shoot! 

Legsalass: Thats black beauty!

Gandaft: Wrong movie horse!

*horse runs away and Gandaft wistles again*

*a pony trots up*

Gimpy: Its BILL!

Gandaft: We must ride to Rohan!

*Climbs on Bill*

Gandaft: Oh crud....my robe drags on the ground....

Gimpy: Thats what ye get for wearin a dress!

Gandaft: A ROBE!

Gimpy: Oh sure...whatever you say.

Legsalass: Why is it that you are suspicius of everyones manhood?

Aragornt: He's insecure....

Gimpy: Im NOT!

*soon they arrive at Rohan*

Gandaft: Do not excpect a warm welcome....

Legsalass: Well no...remember the king is-

Gimpy: SHUT UP! You keep trying to give the movie away! Sheeze...dumb blonds.......

Legsalass: IM NOT!

Gimpy: By the way...i noticed your eyes are brown today....

Legsalass: Shoot!

Gandaft: Did you forget your contacts AGAIN?!

*they arrive at the door of Rohan castle thingy*

Gaurd: Leave your weapons. I'll need your staff.

Gandaft: You wouldn't deprive...de...shooot...what was the line? Ahh.....you can't have it. *he hits the gaurd with his walking stick*

Gaurd: Eerp...oogle..l-let them in...*falls over*

*in the kings room thingy*

evil possesed king dude: hehehe...go away Gandaft the grey..

Wormteeth: You rymed your highness! Hehehe....

evil possesed king dude: cool.....

Wormteeth: Go away wizard person! We don't like you! *sticks out tongue*

Gandaft: Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth!

*wormteeth goes cross eyed trying to see his tongue*

Wormteeth: Ith not thorked! Akc! Whhhy didn oo ake izz taff?!

Guard: Heh?

Wormtheeth: *puts tongue back in* his STAFF!

Gandaft: get back! King person dude! I release you from this spell!

Evil possesed king dude: Hehehe....i rymed.....

Gandaft: I will draw you like poisen from a wound...

Legolass: *gives one of the guards the "haymaker* eewww...gross!

Evil possesed king dude: Noooo! 

*Sarumon flies out of the king and onto the floor*

Sarumon: OW!

Wormteeth: Dang....

Eyowin: UNCLE!

Aragornt: Stay back!

Eyowin: *pokes Aragornt in the eye and rushes to the king*

Eyowin: Uncle!

Un possesed king dude: You keep saying that.....

Eyowin: I know...father would sound better but i doesnt' work.....
Im so glad your alive! I your sons dead by the way....

Un possesed king dude: less of a grocery bill now......

Aragornt: *wistles at Eyowin* yeah baby!

Eyowin: Nice......

Gimpy: Waitil Arwen hears about this!

Un possesed king dude: YOU!

Gimpy: Me?!

Un posessed king dude: NO! YOU!

Legsalass: ME?!

UN posessed king dude: Not you! YOU!

Gandaft: Wha-me?

Un possesed king dude: Would you STOP THAT!? *points at wormteeth* YOU!

wormtheeth: Meep!

*throws Wormtheeth down the stairs*

Wormteeth: Ow! Oof! Ouch! I have been nothing but loyal..ow my poor back......

un possesed king dude: Aaaaggg! *raises sword*

Aragornt: NO YOU HIGHNESS!

Un possesed king dude: Why?

Aragornt: I have NO idea but thats what the script says.

Legsalass: I don't think they wanted to show Wormteeth having his throat slit close up......

Un possesed king dude: Oh.....

*wormteeth runs away*

*later on*

*you see a in the sky shot of Sarumon's tower*

Unseen voice: OW! Stop it! Woops!

*suddenly everything is shaky and the tower now appears to be coming towards you fast!*

Distant voice: YOU DROPPED THE CAMERA!


----------



## Aulë (Mar 30, 2003)

Ummmm......OK..... 

Thanks YayGollum for c+p all that.


----------



## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

**SMASH!!!!**


..........................................

...............................................

..............................

.......................................

..........................

..........................................

*much later*

unseen voice: Ok.....don't bump me this time......

*in the air shot of Sarumon's tower*

*slowly the camera is lowered and you see a window...closer....closer...now you can see inside Sarumons kitchen....where Wormteeth is raiding the fridge*

Wormteeth: *looking in the freezer* he has no ice cream!
*is reading the notes on the fridge* trim...nails....soon...
haha....gross.....*continues reading* get....some....of the weed.....that has clearly slowed Gandaft's mind. 
hmm.....got to....possess king of Rohan.....*yells* better take that note down Sarumon! 

Sarumon: Oh yes *he just walks in the kitchen* i ran out of ice cream yesturday.....one of those brainless orcs came in here and ate it all.......

Wormteeth: Oooo! Freezies! I love the orange ones!

Sarumon: yes...i see.....anyways....come see this....

Wormteeth: grabs a nearybye candle...*sure thing*

*they go into his living room*

Wormteeth: Uhhh...its a vat of powder? Magic dust.

Sarumon: Gun powder....

Wormteeth: Whats a gun...?

Sarumon: I have no idea.......

Wormteeth: Well lets- *drops candle in* woops-

Sarumon: Oh...crud.......

*Sarumon and Worm Teeth come out onto the balcony over looking the mighty army, they are both black and burnt looking*

Sarumon: Worm Teeth you are such an idiot.

Worm Teeth: I SAID i was sorry!

Sarumon: Well i still hate you....

Worm Teeth: oh well...er...wow...thats a lot of ugly looking...er..soldier type thingys.

Sarumon: Yes, it is an army bread for a single perpose.

Worm Teeth: Er...yes...?

Sarumon: Oh bother...Iv'e completely forgoten what it was.....

Worm Teeth: Well i would expect it would have something to do with killing and burning and pillaging.

Sarumon: Very likely...

Worm Teeth: But unless i am mistaken that was supposed to be Aragorn's line.

Sarumon: Im a bad guy....i can steal lines if i want.

Worm Teeth: Oh...yes...i suppose so.

*Meanwhile Eyown is staring star struck at Aragornt after nearly swiping his head off while she was practicing with her sword...*

Aragornt: ...I SAID you nearly took my head! Arn't you listening?!

Eyown: No im to busy imagining what it would be like to run my fingers through your hair and kiss-

Aragornt: What?!

Eyown: Er....nothing..who's that?

Aragornt: *turns around, then turns white* H-how what...what who...who...who-

Boreyoumore: You sound like an owl.

Aragornt: Your ALIVE!?

Boreyoumore: You don't sound very happy about it....

Aragornt: Er...well..it's just...sorry...i was shocked.

Boreyoumore: Quite alright. Arwen sent me.

Aragornt: Arwen..? *is looking slightly dazed*

Boreyoumore: Yes to deliver a message.

Eyown: Well hurry up and give it...we we're in the middle of something...

Aragornt: Er..we were?

Boreyoumore: AHEM.....*walks up to Eyowin* 
*suddenly grabs her hair and yankes it hard, says in a high voice (trying to immitate Arwen apparently) * STAY AWAY FROM HIM YOU LITTLE WITCH!

Eyowin: OWOWOW! Well you can give this message to her!
*she slaps Boreyoumore across the face*

Boreyoumore: Owch! Alright....*is looking rather misrable* Arwen already pulled my hair today....*slumps off*

Eyowin: Hmmpp! Stupid elf.

Aragornt: Er...er...

ok...Ummm there're at the dead marshes now-

Frodope: What is this place?!

Gulloom: *dramatic music* These are....*more dramatic music* the dead marshes!

Samp and Frodope: Gasp!!!

Gulloom: You must stay on the path...or the hobbits go down and light little lamps of their own...

Samp: *wispers* thats CANDLES, mutton head...

Gulloom: we likes lamps better...

Dead person in the water: yeh..so do we, the candles keep burning down and the wax drips on our fingers-

Gulloom: Shut up! You don't talk your dead!

Dead person in the water: Oops...sorry.

Frodope: Must go...*walking like a zombie* ...the dead people are so pretty and nice looking...must..dive...in...yucky..water...

Samp: Mr. Frodope...that water is very unsanitary....

Gulloom: Don't drink yucky water, master...

Frodope: *dives in*

Gulloom: Least he didn't drink it...

Samp: Mr.Frodope! Mr.FRODOPE! MR.FRODOPE! FRODOPE! MR. FRODOPE!!!!!

Gulloom: What you yell for?

Samp: Im always yelling..MR.FRODOPE! Thats all i ever do....

Gulloom: Not much good for anything more..stupid hoobit....

*meanwhile as his two companions chat Frodope is seeing strange and frightening people....they are frightening because...well because they have no skin on they're faces....not to mention that fact that they're dead...*

Frodope: Aaaaaggghhh!!!

Dead peoples: Join usss....jooooiiin ussss.....

Frodope: Your not supposed to say anything...just look all scary and dead....

Dead peoples: We know but thats kind of boring...

Frodope: Oh...er....*resumes screaming* AAAHHHGGG!!!

*the ugly and scary dead people surround him, some of them strangly remind Frodope of Michael Jackson....*

Frodope: Agggghhhhh! Agggghhhh! Agghhhh- oh where the heck is Gulloom...he was supposed to have pulled me up five minutes ago....

*meanwhile on the surface*

Gulloom: Well we like the orange skittles precious....red are nasssty!

Samp: I LIKE the red.....

Gullooom: The orange ones are nice and juicy..

Samp: Your 'opeless!

*Now we will go and see how Mary and Pupin are doing..*

Mary: They are STILL talking?

Pupin: ooo...look..they've stopped!

Treemustache: We....*stops for a full five minutes*

Pupin: Er...wot?

Treemustache: Have.....

*the hobbits continue waiting...*

Treemustache: ...decieded

*the hobbits talk about the weather while Treemustache is carefully choosing his next word*

Treemustache: ...That

*the hobbits get into a fight about politics as they wait*

Tree mustache: ...you

*they go berry picking and are back on time for his next word*

Treemustache: ...are..

* Pupin pokes Mary in the eye and they fight again*

Treemustache: ...impatient...

*the hobbits laugh and cry hysterically at the same time and the ents go off to discuss they're sanity*

*meanwhile at Rohan*

King person: Hey! Wormteeth has got away and is now telling the evil wizard so we must ride to Helms deep!

Aragornt: How can you tell? Will you let go of me, Eyown?

Eyown: Waaaahhh!!! You like Arwen better then me!!!

Aragornt: W-what? Ag! Thats not what i meant...hey...ummm stop crying....arg! *starts to pull out his beard*

King person: Well it says so in the script so i guess we had better get a move on....

Gandaft: I'll help you pack..

King person: Great! Can we bring all my pairs of Burmuda shorts! 

Gandaft: NO....this is the reason Im helping him pack you know...

King person: What about my bird books...can i bring those?

Gandaft: We will not be bird watching....

King person: awww...man...your such a party pooper...

*their voices fade as they walk down the hall*

Legsalass: *is laughing hard at Eyown who is hanging off of Aragornt's arm*

Gimpy: Haw haw! *beer dribbles down his beard*

Legsalass: *is looking at Gimpy with disgust*

Eyown: Tell me who you love best!

Aragornt: Some one HEEEEELLLPPP!!!!!

*door fling open*

Boreyoumore: *rushes up to Eyown* Message from Arwen!
*kicks Eyown's feet out from under her*

Eyown: OOF! *sitts on the floor* Waaaaah!!! boohoo!

Aragornt: Boreyoumore! Stop kicking ladys around!

Boreyoumore: *shrugs misrably* S'not me it's Arwen.

Aragornt: *helps Eyown up*

Eyown: Tell the witch that Aragornt helped me up, Boreyoumroe, and tell her this! *grabs Boreyoumore's nose and yankes it hard*

Boreyoumore: OWOOWW! Ok....

Eyown: AN THIS! *kicks him in the shin*

Boreyoumore: OOch! *limps off in a hurry*

*it has been a day now, and the trees are still talking to eachother...Mary and Pupin are very agitated*

Mary: Im SO bored.....*hits Pupin on the head with a rock*

Pupin: OW! Yeah i know...*throws a stick at him*

Nearby ent: Ow!

Pupin: Im sorry, was that your stick?

Nearby ent: You just chucked my finger at him!

Mary: Yuck...

Nearby ent: Tell me about it....

*the hobbits keep beating eachother up for lack of anything better to do*

Treemustache: We have decided not to help you.

mary: WhAT?

Treemustache: We have decided not to help you.

Pupin: Oh he was just saying that to be dramatic...

Treemustache: Oh....

Mary: WHAT?!

Pupin: yes yes mary....come on now...

Mary: Oh..er...sorry...um...but our friends are out there and they need help!

Treemustache: Yes yes i know...but those are your friends...not ours......

Mary: The whole of middle earth will be destroyed!

Treemustache: yes. but that will be later on...so thats ok.

*picks them up by the seat of their pants*

Treemustache: Come along.

*he starts off throught the forest when suddenly Pupin shouts..*

Pupin: Turn around!

Treemustache: What?

Pupin:Turn around!

Treemustache: *stops* yes i heard you the first time...

Pupin: Oh...well...we must go help our friends!!!!

Mary: Are you crazy!?

Pupin: Yes! But thats quite besides the point!

Mary: We'll be captured!

Pupin: Not this time!

Mary: Thats what you said last time!

Pupin: Well...yeah...but i was less brave and hero like then....

Mary: Ahh....

Treemustache: The enemy will find you....

Pupin: No they won't! it's the last thing they'll expect....us going back and all.....

Mary: Well they should know right away since they have all read the script...

Pupin: Naaahh....badguys are to lazy to read the script....

Treemustache: I guess that makes sense...


----------



## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

*he heads back the other way, and talks their ears off (very slowly) the whole way to the edge of the forest, where he see's the stumps of trees that have been hacked down*

Treemustache: Agggg!

Pupin: Your a tree herder and you didn't even know about this?

Treemustache: Nah...Im to stupid to notice what goes on in my own forest......

Pupin: Ahh...i see.

Treemustache: Many of these trees where my friends......no wait...this was my mother in law......hey, gotta remember to thank Sauromon!

Mary: Ummm.....so what does this mean?

Treemustache: It means...er...that he obviously didn't kill my father in law....and for that...we will go fight your battle little hobbits.....

*gives a great cry of pain*

Mary: Why are you giving a great cry of pain?

Treemustache: You have your foot in my eye....

Mary: Ahhh I see....

Treemustache: Well i don't....do you mind moving it?

Mary: sorry.....

*other ents come out of the forest to see what all the noise is about*



*Meanwhile the people of Rohan are marching towards Helms Deep...*

Aragornt: Where did Gandaft go?

Legsalass: Said something about a nearby pub and raced off....

Aragornt: Ahhh....

Gimpy: See! Watch me! Im really funny, Eyown! I can't stay on a horse! Haha! Isn't it funny?!

*falls off his horse*

Gimpy: I MEANT to do that....

Eyown: Yes..i know......

Gimpy: Your not laughing...

Eyown: Yes, i know.

Aragornt: Its the beards!

Eyown: What?

Aragornt: I don't know...thats what i was supposed to say at that time.....

Eyown: We never said a thing about beards!

Aragornt: Well you SHOULD have!

Gimpy: Well I- *falls of his horse again*

Legsalass: I never get to say anything.....

Gimpy: Thats ok....you just stand there and looks pretty. OWCH!

Legsalass: *grins*

Gimpy: He PINCHES! Like a GIRL! OWCH! Stoppit!

Aragornt: umm yeah..*looks over at Eyown who is looking all purty with the sun shining on her face as her hair blows back, she is laughing gaily at nothing*

*they exchange a long look and then Aragornt looks away*

Legsalass: well....now wasn't that touching?

Gimpy: Bet you wish you where in Eyown's place- OWCH! 


*a scout comes back*

Scout: Attack! By orcs on wolfy dog like things!

*Right away the women and children run around shrieking and crying and the men act all heroic*

King person: Prepare for battle men!

Women: Eeeek!

King Person: Get ready to ride!

Children: *sob sob*

Legolas: Come on Gimpy! 

Women: Ahhhhhh!

Gimpy: Arrrr! Battle!

Children: Boohoo!

King person: Eyown! Take them to Helms Deep! Us men will fight those orcs on the wolf dog type thingys!

Eyown: I can fight!

Aragornt: *ahem*

Eyown: I can TO fight!

Aragornt: Just not very well......

King person: GO!

Eyown: Alright fine! *sticks her tongue out at Aragornt* Come on ladys! Lets go! Stop whining!

*she grabs a stick and smacks the ones that won't shut up*

Gimpy: A real gentle woman that Eyown......

Legsalass: Bleh.....more like the "b" word....

Aragornt: Bananas!

Legsalass: er...yeh....

Gimpy: Im sure you could teach her some lady like manners, dear Leggy!

Legsalass: Now YOUR the "b" word!

Gimpy: How can I-

Aragornt: Bonkers!

Gimpy: Ahhh....

Aragornt: batty!

Legsalass: Er...no-

Aragornt: beautiful! No wait...Gimpy isn't beautiful..B..b..b...

*the dwarf and the elf leave him muttering b words under his breath*

Legsalass: CHAAARGE! *starts firing arrows from his horse and manages to hit one of the kings men* Aww...crap!

Gimpy: I would chop you all up into little peices if i wasn't stuck underneath three of those dog wolf type thingys and an orc! Im so funny! Where's Eyown?

Legsalass: Oh no! I didn't get to do my horse jumping scene! *he spots a horse with no rider start to gallop past and flings himself at it* Now i can do my horse jump! * he flips through the air over one side of the horse and lands on the ground on the other side of the horse*

Legsalass: OW!

Gimpy: I STILL am trapped under all this.....

King person:Stupid Gandaft wouldnt' let me bring my burmuda shorts.....i always fight better in my burmuda shorts.....

Legsalass: I STILL didn't get to do my horse jump! *trys to jump up on one of the dog wolf type thingys* 

*As soon as the battle is started it is over....and the bodies of the dead litter the grass*

King person: Lets go. Where is Lord Aragornt?

Gimpy: Dunno...guess he joined the battle when we weren't looking.....ummm.....i don't see him now.....

Nearby orc: hahahahaha! He fell over the cliff!

*Meanwhile, uknown to his friends and the orc (who was just saying his lines anyways) "lord" Aragornt is still back where they left him*

Aragornt: Bashfull...brave....bold...balderdash...big...bad..no, not bad...er..

*At Helms Deep*

Eyown: Gimpy! Where is Aragornt!?

Gimpy: Uhhh....we think he's dead....

Eyown: What?!

Gimpy: Umm...yeah....he fell in battle.

Eyown: Fell?

Legsalass: Off a cliff actually.....

Eyown: Aww man.....well at least Arwen won't end up getting him now!

*meanwhile...*

Aragornt: Baboon...brazen- aww i give up.....hey guys, wait for me!

*walks up the hill to see the aftermath of the battle*

Aragornt:..oh. 

*hears a sound nearbye coming from up the hill, he walks up to find a dying orc*

Aragornt: What happened?

Orc: He took a little*cough!* tumble*hack!* over the cliff! Hehehe!

Aragornt: Who did?

Orc:*weeze* He fell over! Hehehehe!

Aragornt: What?

Orc: Hehe! the cliff! *cough**hak*

Aragornt: *not getting any answere out of the orc he walk to the edge of the cliff* i don't see anyone at the bottem....of course there IS a raging river at the bottem.....

*he suddenly looses his balance and topples over the cliff*

Orc: Its about time.....

*Aragornt floats down the river and washes up on a nearbye river bank where he makes out with Arwen for half an hour and then finds out it was his horse*

Aragornt: Bleh! Pleh! Btthhhp! Yuck!

*after brushing his teeth and gargling with minty fresh mouth wash, he sets off on his faithfull steed*

*soon he spots the bad dudes army and rushes to Helms Deep*

King person: What!? A big army!? Dang! Now it's REALLY bad that i don't have my burmuda shorts! Im going to have to talk to Gandaft about that!

Eyown: I can fight!

Aragornt: we already went through this actually.....

Gimpy: Oh goody....now i can be comical somemore....

Legsalass: How will you do that while fighting? You won't be dribbling beer down your stupid beard this time.......

Gimpy: I didn't do that......

Legsalass: Yes you did......

Gimpy: Least i have the ability to grow a beard

Legsalass: Elves are just clean shaven

Gimpy: Oh sure....admitt it! You can't even grow a few measly wiskers! Iv'e been through your pack! You don't even have a razer!

Legsalass: You went through my pack!?

Gimpy: cosmetics check

Aragornt: and what did you find?

Gimpy: It was frightening....Im still having nightmares

Legsalass: lier!!!!



*meanwhile-*

Frodope: We are here! At the gates of Mordor!

Gulloom: don't go!

Samp: Bug off, ugly! Why'd you think we came here!?

Gulloom: We know a secret better way! This way has big spider to eat you, that way we don't have to do it ourselves!

Frodope: Well thats ok then...come on Samp!

Samp: Hold on....just let me throw myself from this cliff and practically into Sauron's lap.....

*falls off cliff*

Frodope: *yells real loud* SAMP!

Gulloom: Yes excellent master....yell real loud....then you can go ring the doorbell on the gate while your at it.....

Frodope: Wait a minute, while i fling myself after Samp...

*falls off the cliff as well*

*both hobbits are suddenly stuck in the ground with a blanket over top of them and two bad dudes nearly standing on top of them*

bad dude : Is that two hobbits underneath that blanket right there?

Bad dude #2: Yeah....they think we can't see them...

Bad dude: Sure, like thats even remotely possible....i could step on their fingers if I felt like it....

Frodope: OWCH! 

Samp: Jerk!

Bad dude #2: Come on....we gotta go....the orcs are eating all the bean dip......

Samp: Wow...that was close! *flings blanket off*

Frodope: Come on!

*the hobbits and the......thing (Gulloom), set out once more, soon they hear noises, and creep to the edge of the cliff, they can see a large army*

Frodope: Who are they?

Gulloom: The dark lord is calling all the evil armys to him!

Samp: Look! Oliphants! 

Frodope: Boy, they look exactly like elephants....

Samp: Except they're bigger!

Frodope: Oh...right.

*suddenly arrows fly out and hit the Oliphants*

Frodope: Ack! Lookout!

*the hobbits and Gollum scatter as the Oliphant staggers towards them*

Samp: Run!

Frodope: I am! What do you think-oof!

*he runs smack dab into Farimir*

Farimir: Oh look, little people from the dark army.

Samp: *draws his little sword* Mr.Frodope!

*the men laugh at him and grab him easily and he doesn't even get to stab anyone*

Samp: Dang!

Frodope: Why is that ALWAYS happening?! You know i don't think any of us hobbits have gotten to stab anyone ONCE this entire stinking movie!

Samp: It's probably these pathetic swords....they're the size of toothpicks.....

Farimir: Shut up...get moving guys.

Frodope: Noooo!!! You can't have the ring!!!

Farimir: The what?

Frodope: The one ring that you could rule the world with and have all that power in your own hands with.....you can't have it!


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## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Samp: Mr. Frodope that wasn't very smart....

Frodope:...oops....

*meanwhile...*

King person: *is in the armour room looking all heroic as someone puts on his armour*

Aragornt: Idiot! Can't even put his own armour on....i look far more heroic putting my armour on!

Gimpy: And the heroic background music helps a lot.

King person: How come i don't get any heroic background music!?

King person's assistent: Hold still sir. 

King person: Why are you taking off my pants!?

King persons assistent: Well you ordered your burmuda shorts, sir.

King person: I can do it myself!

King persons assistent: Alright...*leaves*

Aragornt: surprise surprise...the king is capable of putting on shorts by himself....

King persons assistent: *in a wisper* acutally he always puts them on backwords....

*a minute later the king comes out in all the proper armour...except for his burmuda shorts...which happen to be on backwords*

King person: To war!

*later in the armour room with all the other men*

Legsalass: Lelea haver dan!

Aragornt: Say what?

Legsalass: Hold on...i said that wrong....umm....narhatha dagger thier!

Aragornt: Uh......

Legsalass: Narhatha DAGGER THEIR!!!!!

Aragornt: Er...say again?

Legsalass: narhatha- owwhattheheck! They are ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!

*he becomes aware that everyone is staring at him and Aragornt is shaking his head*

Legsalass: OH....woops...your line...

Aragornt: Then i will die as one of them! Um....no, what am i saying......your all losers! Im leaving....this place is so uncool.....
*staulks out of the room*

Gimpy: Hmmmm.....do you think this chainmail makes my butt look big????

Legsalass: It's not supposed to be on your butt.....

Gimpy: Well....er...you'll be sorry when you get stabbed on the butt! IM protected there!

Legsalass: Sure Gimpy...whatever you say....

Gimpy: *kicks Legsalass in the butt* 

Legsalass: OW!

Gimpy: There now! Don't you wish you had chainmail on....? My spiked boots wouldn't have hurt so much then!

Legsalass: *says nothing...just picks up a nearbye spear*

Gimpy: WOAH! Where you going with that....hey...stay back!

Legsalass: Hold still....

*the scene skips to Frodope and Sam, Gollum has run off somewhere, the hobbits are locked in what looks like a wine celler....Farimir is questioning them-*

Frodope: You can't have it! You can't have my precious!

Farimir: Your what????

Frodope: You can't have it!

Farimir: Have WHAT!?

Frodope: It's my'n, my own! My preciousssss!

Farimir: *to samp* WHAT is he talking about?!

Samp: Er...his...umm...SHOE!

Farimir: His SHOE?!

Samp: Umm...yeah, he thinks your going to take his shoe....he's ummm...schitzo! *wispers loudly to Frodope* Shut UP mr.frodope!

Frodope: What? OH..oh yeah....umm...you can't have it! My preciouss! *grabs his left shoe protectivly*

Farimir: Hummm....sure....maybe you should get him some help-*suddenly see's the chain the ring is on* hey! whats this*he grabs the chain and see's the ring.*

Frodope: *lashes out and hits him in the nose* Don't touch that! 

Farimir: Ahhh....so this is it...the one ring eh?

Frodope: NO!

Farimir: Yes.....it is. Hmmm...my girlfriend would be very impressed if i gave her the one ring......

Samp: Oh like you have a girl friend!

Farimir: What?! Why don't i? YOU couldn't get a girl! You fat little hobbit!

Samp: Ha! At the shire the girls had to stand in line to TALK to me!

Frodope: Oh suuuure Samp.....

Samp: Shut UP mr.frodope!

Farimir: Haha, i KNEW-

Guard person: Hey Farimir! come on! The guys are playing ping pong and we need you bad! They're beating us and your the ping pong king!

Farimir: So there, Samp! IM the ping pong KING! Bet YOUR not king of anything!

Samp: Im king! Im king of...of.....mr.frodope what am i king of?

Frodope: *sighs* I dunno...gardening?

Samp: HA! King of the gardens! 

Farimir: Thats not very manly!

Samp: And ping pong is?!

Farimir: More manly then flowers!

*skip to scene where the bad army is marching on Helms Deep fortress*

King person: Get ready!

Aragornt: Wow...there's lots of them!

Gimpy: There is?!

Legsalass: haha! You can't see! Haha!

Gimpy: yeah...thats funny! Where's Eyown?

Legsalass: Would you like me to get you a box? Or how about a foot stool? or would you like a ladder?

Gimpy: Shut up! Im making the jokes here!

Legsalass: But your not even funny!

Gimpy: Sure i am! Everyone knows dwarves are funny!

Legsalass: Well maybe...but elves are decidedly cooler!

Gimpy: Oh sure! You all nance around in your little skirts with your long blond hairs and your wimpy little strings on a stick!

Legsalass: It's a bow!

Gimpy: My axe is WAY cooler!

Legsalass: YEAH?! Well who gets to surf down those stairs in the next scene..EH? THAT is cool! All you get to do is be SHORT...hahaha...

Gimpy: The surfing thing is such a gimic! Dwarves don't kneed that kind of thing to be cool! We are awsome and cool and very sexy!

Legsalass: Oh right.....sexy. Iv'e seen your dwarf woman! Yetch! 

Gimpy: Heh! Our woman could whip your woman any day! 

Legsalass: Oh sure....I'll bet they are even more manly then the dwarf men! Ick! Look, there is something WRONG when the woman have BEARDS! You can't tell the woman from the men!

Gimpy: Well now look who's talking! Half the time i get you and Galadriel mixed up! Man, i even phoned you once thinking you where her....

Legsalass: That was YOU!?

Gimpy: oops.

Aragornt: Human woman.....they're so much more..NORMAL!

Legsalass: No way man! You can't beat an elf lady!

Gimpy: The dwarf ladys kick butt!

Voice from below: You should see OUR ladys!

*they look down and see the Uruk army*

Legsalass: Uk! No thanks.......

*the people up on the wall of Helms Deep Fortress watch the fierce attacking army with growing fear, faces are grim as the Uruk's pound the butts of the spears into the ground, making the earth shake, suddenly one old man on the wall raises his bow, and points...*

Old man: What is that one Uruk got in it's hand?

Legsalass: It looks like.....a camera.

*the Uruk with the camera jumps in front of the huge army and starts snapping pictures*

*a voice near the middle of the crowd shouts out..*

Voice: Mom! Stop that!

Uruk with camera: But dear! Im so proud of you! This is your first battle *click! Flash!* We must have pictures so we can add them to your baby album *click! click! click!*

Uruk in front: Ow! Lady your frying my eyeballs with that flash!

Legsalass: Aww man...can we just start the stupid battle!

Gimpy: I still can't see!

Old man: Here...*shoots an arrow into the throat of a uruk*

Uruk #234: *happens to be standing next to the uruk who was shot* Oh yuck! Why does this always happen to me! He got blood on my new chain mail!

*The Uruks charge, and the defenders on top of the wall fire arrow after arrow into the hordes, Aragornt is yelling out commands to the elven archers who just suddenly appeared 'cause...heck! I wrote them in! To bad Aragornt's elvish isn't that good!*

Aragornt: Hey Amon! Enenish!

Elven archer #1: What he say?

Elven archer#6: No idea...

Elven archer#4: Just shoot!

Aragornt: Ishmish! Hicknail! amonwellona!

Elven archer #3: Someone shut that guy up....

Aragornt: *continues yelling in elvish*

Elven archer #1: Did he just say, "where's the bathroom please?"??!!

*they turn to see Aragornt reading "Tourists Guide to Elvish: Five thousand daily phrases"

Aragornt: A hamon enen nash!

Elven Archer #5: Pass the meatballs?

Gimpy: Whats going on down there?

Legolas: A battle...

Gimpy: Well i can't see a thing! I can't get at them! My axes are cool and all...but they don't reach that far!

Legolas: Useless lump of dwarf!

Gimpy: Pointy eared bow twanger!

Legolas: bearded bafoon!

Gimpy: Cross dressing elf!

Legsalass: Do not!!!

Gimpy: Whats that then!?

Legsalass: a tunic!

Gimpy: It looks like a dress!

Legsalass: It's just a long tunic!

King person: Ra! Ra! Fight men fight! Front archers fire! Back archers fire! And all that other battle stuff Your supposed to say!

Haldir: He has no idea what he's talking about does he?

Gimpy: Nope.

Haldir: Neither does Aragornt, right?

Gimpy: That is correct.

Haldir: And Legolas is some cross dressing ninny.

Gimpy: Uh huh.

Legoals: HEY!

Haldir: So who's gonna run this battle?!

Gimpy: Id help, but i can't see over the wall......

*Frodope and Samp are fast asleep in the wine celler when Farimir sneaks in*

Farimir: ppst! *pokes Frodope in the shoulder* Hey! come on! Wake up!

Frodope: G'way! S'not morning yet...

Farimir: Oh look! bacon!

frodope: What?! *jumps up wide awake*

Farimir: Shhh! Don't wake up the gardener person. *mutters* Who is NOT king!

Frodope: Where's the bacon?

Farimir: Shh! come with me!

*he leads Frodope to a rocky ledge*

Farimir: See! Thats the forbidden pool!

Frodope: Oh yes...very nice.

Farimir: Look! See? Who's that down there?

Frodope: Oh him? I donno? Skinny dipper?

Farimir: Yes you know.

Frodope: Do not. Now where's this bacon?

Farimir: FORGET THE BACON! There is NOT bacon!!!

Frodope: I came all this way and now you tell me there's not bacon?!

Farimir: Right! Shall i let the archers fire? *raises arm*

Frodope: Wait!

Farimir: What?

Frodope: Uhhh....

Farimir: SO...you know him?!

Frodope: No but i don't want to see him get an arrow in his throat at close range. Lets keep this PG13 people!

Farimir: arg! *raises arm*

*Archers raise there bows*

Frodope: Ok! OK! I know this guy, alright? Iv'e seen him on tv before once...umm...some really bad old sitcom.....only he was better looking then!

Farimir: I swear! I'll shoot him if you don't-

Frodope: Alright! Ok! He's our guide! Alright! Let me go down there and speak to him!


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## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

Farimir: Alright....

*Frodope climbs down to the forbidden pool*

Frodope: Ok Gulloom-ack!

Jar Jar: What? Meesa was just getting little munchy snacky from pool!

Frodope: What the heck are you doing in this movie!

Jar Jar: Stinky little animated creature asked mesa to fill in for himsa! *eating raw fish* Yuck! Besides! Mesa was happy to do it! Since my movie really stinks!

Frodope: *nodding* yes i suppose...but um-

Gulloom: Ok precious.....we are back! Yousa can-wups...you can go now......

Jar Jar: Here....you take stinky yucky fishy back! Wesa go now!

*walks off scene*

Frodope: Whats the big idea!

Gulloom: We had business to take care of!

Frodope: Fine...say your line....

Gulloom: *singing in high cracked voice* In the pool! It's nice and cool! It's all we wish to catch a fish..so juicy sweeeeeet! And to see girls in bikinis is really neeeaat!

Frodope: Don't remember that last line.....oh..er...Gulloom!

Gulloom: sssmaster? 

Frodope: Come on Gulloom!

Gulloom: Forget it punk! We know what happens when we comes with you!

Frodope: Gulloom come ON! *darts around the rock* OH WOW IT CAMERAN DIAZ!

Gulloom: What?! What did he say? *runs after Frodope and is seized by Farimir's men* Waah! He tricked us precious!

*Frodope is left by the forbidden pool while Farimir's men go to deal with Gulloom*

Frodope: Hmmm....that wasn't very nice...tricking him and all.....

*Silence*

Frodope: Umm...isn't it supposed to skip to another scene???

*more silence*

Frodope: Uhhh....it's not my scene anymore....it's Gullooms.

Forbidden pool: Swish..gurgle, ect. ect. <---- making pool noises.

*the silence is getting on Frodope's nerves.*

Frodope: THIS IS ALL WRONG! Whats happening? It's not my scene.....what am i supposed to DO?! *getting all worked up* it's not in the script! What do they want me to do?! SING or something...?

*There is a sudden wirring and crackling from overhead*

Frodope: *looks up: Wha-?!

*A phone booth drops out of the sky and onto Frodope's foot*

Frodope: ............

*the doors of the phone booth open*

Frodope: ........OW!

*two teenagers walk out*

Bill: Ted, this isn't the Spanish-American war!

Ted: Thats quiet correct Bill. Where are we, dude?

Bill: Dude, i have no idea.

Frodope: *gasping and weezing* my....foot!

Ted: Dude! Who's the little guy with the cool 'fro?

Bill: Hey wow...it's a midget!

Frodope: *Manages to yank his foot out from under the phone booth* Hobbit...Im a hobbit.

Bill: Dude! Like in the books!

Ted :What books, dude?

Bill: The book i had to read for school once. Uuuhh...Bored of the Rings! That was it! It didn't make a lot of sense though...

Ted: So this guy is from a book?

Bill: Yeah! 

Ted: Exellent! Lets take him back and show him to the babes!

Frodope: What?! Hey i have no idea who-

*they pull him into the phone booth*

Frodope: This isn't in the scriiiiiiipt!!!!

*Five minutes later*

*The phone booth touches down outside a large white building*

Ted: Dude! This phone booth must be busted! We got the wrong place again!

Bill: Pushes open the door* Well this place looks real new and stuff so we must be in the future!

Frodope: *tumbles out the door* Heelp!

*Bill and Ted don't seem to notice, the shut the door and the phone booth vanishes*

Frodope: I don't belive this! Where AM i?!

*The sign on the building says "Fantasy Convention! Please sign in at the door"*

Frodope: Maybe they can tell me where i am.

*he heads into the building*

*Inside there are hundreds of people milling about, they are wearing bad constumes, supposedly supposed to look like fantasy characters*

*A teenager walks up to Frodope, he has paper scotch taped to the top of his ears and a shirt that says "I AM A HOBBIT" on the front of it.*

Teenager: Wow dude! Your costume is SO awsome! Totally authentic! How'd you do it?

Frodope: Oh er...i- umm...whats that on your ears?

Teenager: My hobbit ears! Man, yours look cool! *tries to pull on one*

Frodope: Aaaah! get away!

*A second teenager wearing a bleached mop on his head, brandishing a cardboard sword comes up to Frodope*

Teen#2: Im an elf.

Frodope: Really? *backing away* how nice for you.....*he turns around to bump into a tall staff carring old man with a long grey beard* GANDALF?

Man: What? Oh yes of course! Like my constume?

Frodope: Wha-?

*five other Gandalfs surround him and begin compairing costumes*

*A tall girl wearing plastic pointed ears and a long shiny dress comes up to Frodope*

Girl: Ellen Sila Lumen omentielvo!

Frodope: Say what?!

Girl: Your dressed up like that and you don't know elvish?!

Frodope: Im a HOBBIT! What did you expect?

Girl: Well Im Arwen.

Frodope: *sighs in frusteration* look...i have to go-

*he is interuppted by a man standing on a platform yelling at the top of his lungs, he appears to be dressed in a toga of some sort and he has a long plastic sword which he waves around as he speaks*

Man: I am Henadicas! God of Fantasy! And now will you please all step into the room for the convention! Where famous fantasy auther Rick Dent will give a lecture on "How to Write Fantasy"

Frodope: Oh no! I must get out of here!

*Another girl in a long blond wig and a white night gown grabs him by the arm*

Girl #2: Hey come on! You can't leave! Your to cute! Come sit next to me! The conventions starting!

Girl #1: I saw him first!

Girl#2: Hey! Let go!

Frodope: Owch! Let go!

Girl#1: You let go you hussy! Im Queen of the woods!

Girl #2: Your a stupid dip in a bad costum! Back off! This is my hobbit!

Frodope: Someone heeelp!

*A nearbye Gandalf lays girl #1 out with his staff*

Girl #2: Oh goody! Lets go!

*she hauls Frodope into the conference room*

*There is a man on stage, he is wearing pointy ears, like everyone else, a shiny gold cloak, and he appears to have vampire fangs, he is trying to work the michrophone*

Rick Dent: Ith thith stupit thing not workin!

Frodope: *wispering* does he have a speach impediment?

Girl #2: I think he's talking that way because of his fangs....

Frodope: oh....

Rick: Ok! Finally thith thing ith fixed! Ahem! I would like to thay that i am vary proud to be here thoday!

*Audience applauds*

Rick: And you are all a fine upthtanding group of peoplthes! You all look tho good in your costhtumes!

*Audience applauds again*

Rick: Yeth, thank you. I can't thay how much thith meanth to me, mothly because of these thtupid fanhgs Im wearing.

*Audience laughs, some old lady in the back wistles at him*

Rick: Yeth....hi mom! *waves* anyhow, how you write a good book makeths for how you will turn out!

*Audience makes confused noises*

Rick: You hafe to think of it like a train! The wheels keep turning! And the thmoke pourths forth! 

*Audience stays silent*

Rick: yeth! There ith two good ingredienths for everybook i write!thoughths and chocolate chip cookies! Mutht have thothe!
However you can substitute them for chipths!

*He is inturupted by Henadicas, God of Fantasy*

Henadicas: *pushes Rick off the stage* ok sorry folks! It has become evident that Mr.Dent is simpy a babbling idiot. However! We have booths to go to now! So everyone....down to the basement!!!!

*Audience cheers and rushes out*


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## YayGollum (Mar 30, 2003)

There. I hope that everyone's happy now. Looks like the story isn't finished, though. oh well.


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## Kailita (Mar 30, 2003)

*...*

*Blink blink*

That...

Is...

Pretty dang scary...


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## Vixen Evenstar (Apr 1, 2003)

See Yay? Fanspot is so much more appreciative... Im just scaring people over here....hmmm they must be weirder over there....


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## YayGollum (Apr 1, 2003)

Well, the thing is pretty long. oh well. People usually appreciate superly funny people over here. I thought. *runs away*


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## MacAddict (Apr 23, 2003)

Well that is more information than I think i can just sit here and read meaning I'll dl the page and get back to later on how funny/scary it is  .



~MacAddict


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## Vixen Evenstar (Apr 24, 2003)

Oh it's scary alright!


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