# [Short Story] I Hear Violins



## Gift of Names (May 3, 2007)

*Pronunciation Guide:*
Shanghuo: _shawng hwah_
Xuelian: _soo-eh lee-en_

Comfortably cool. This bench was the only space in Shanghuo where Xuelian felt at ease and unflustered. Her special bench had a clear view of the edge of the city, and the river of molten rock it sat upon. She could just gaze out toward the point at which the glowing river dropped off and down, down, down into the ocean below. She could come here at night when the stars were out, and she would meditate upon the expanse of stars that met the endless waters and the red river. It felt it was just her and the sky and the Dragon God's breath.

Wrapped in a soft, white scarf, and wearing matching toque and boots, Xuelian felt cold yet warm. It was such a delicate and beautiful contrast that was not at all conflicted, but in perfect harmony. It was the harmony of Shanghuo and its Dragon God machinery - machinery that allowed the city to float on the river of molten rock without ever melting, and that cooled itself, creating a never-ending snowfall in the process. Xuelian had moved to Shanghuo four years ago from one of the southern city-states. She came to look for work, and to see the legendary city. She found one, but not the other.

As the third Moon came up out of the ocean, and its intense blue light flushed the city in hues of violet and gold, Xuelian's mind became very still and very quiet. The endless chatter of thought ceased and for a moment that stretched toward infinity she was right there. So perfectly pristine in that moment, and everything just fell into place. The world, herself, her place in that world; all of the struggle and hardship she had endured had stopped. It was only a moment, between breathes, between thoughts, and she just barely heard it, but it was so clear and so unmistakable. There was a soft tinkling of bells somewhere behind and to her right, and the sweet sound of violins behind and to her left.

Then the moment passed, and her mind began to form opinions, and analyze choices, and remember useless things. The Moon finished its climb into the sky, losing some of its blue hue, and the reds and golds of the fiery river re-asserted themselves.

Xuelian had experienced this every night for the last three-and-a-half years, and she had contemplated sharing it someone else, telling someone about it, but the bells said, "_no_." And the violins added, "_this music is just for you_."


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## HLGStrider (May 8, 2007)

To me this isn't so much a short story as possibily part of a longer work. Too much is hinted at that we don't really understand, there is a whole world here with its own science and theology we don't know a thing about. It makes it too bewildering to accept as just a piece.

The idea seems good and you seem to have a good grasp of the setting. You might consider simplfying your language. "So perfectly pristine" for instance is too poetic to ring true. Almost every noun in there has an adjective. Sometimes it is better to use strong nouns and let them stand on their own.


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## Gift of Names (May 9, 2007)

Thank you very much for your reply! 


HLGStrider said:


> To me this isn't so much a short story as possibily part of a longer work. Too much is hinted at that we don't really understand, there is a whole world here with its own science and theology we don't know a thing about. It makes it too bewildering to accept as just a piece.


I have a friend who has been trying to get me to write a larger piece set in this world I've come up with, and since I feel as though I lack the skills and experience to write something larger, I thought I could work my way up to it by writing smaller pieces. Writing moments that place across this world.

One of my older faults was that I spent too much time explaining the background elements of the world. I would mention one phenomenon in a sentence, then devote the next page to explaining it, and it wasn't helping the story in any way. So I'm also trying to find a balance between telling a story and explaining its elements.



HLGStrider said:


> The idea seems good and you seem to have a good grasp of the setting. You might consider simplfying your language. "So perfectly pristine" for instance is too poetic to ring true. Almost every noun in there has an adjective. Sometimes it is better to use strong nouns and let them stand on their own.


This is very helpful advice, thank you! At the time that I wrote this I was in the beginning stages of experimenting with more flowery language. Using stronger nouns sounds like the optimal solution, and may be less tiresome to the reader. I will certainly take your insights to heart!


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## Starbrow (Jun 5, 2007)

I enjoyed it and would like to read more of what you write.


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