# They're made out of meat!



## Eriol (Jan 21, 2004)

THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT
by Terry Bisson


"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat." 

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines." 

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?" 

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat." 

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?" 

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it." 

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream." 

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again." 

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."


***

Perhaps you enjoyed this. It not only amused me greatly but it raises some (very old, hehe) questions about the nature of consciousness .


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## Turin (Jan 21, 2004)

Thats funny, kinda weird though.


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## Sarde (Jan 21, 2004)

Hey, I'm not made of meat, I'm a vegetarian!


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## Lhunithiliel (Jan 21, 2004)

Hehehe  That was GRRRRRRREAT, Eri!

Now.. here's another example of how conscience can "work".



> "The Babel fish," said The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy quietly,"is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the
> Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy not from its carrier but from
> those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this
> brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind
> ...



Ooooo! I wish I had such a "device"!!!


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## Helcaraxë (Jan 21, 2004)

Sarde said:


> Hey, I'm not made of meat, I'm a vegetarian!



As am I. Vegetarian, through and through. Though not a vegan, I don't know what's going on there. It's not like you have to kill a cow to get milk.  

~H-ë


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## Niirewen (Jan 21, 2004)

> Hey, I'm not made of meat, I'm a vegetarian!





> As am I. Vegetarian, through and through. Though not a vegan, I don't know what's going on there. It's not like you have to kill a cow to get milk.


Same here. I've been a vegetarian for *counts on fingers*.. 6 years, and, having despised meat literally my whole life, love it.


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## Gandalf White (Jan 21, 2004)

Recently I was close to purchasing a shirt with the following message on it:

_How many vegetables died to make your salad?_ 

No offense intended, I just felt the need to share that experience.


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## Eriol (Jan 21, 2004)

Of all the possible ways this thread could turn out I never imagined this one!

But I'm sure you guys realize that if a person that does not eat meat is not "made out of meat", then cows are not "made out of meat" either, since they don't eat meat themselves (I mean, natural cows, not those who eat the brains of other cows in their rations  ).


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## Lhunithiliel (Jan 22, 2004)

Eriol said:


> Of all the possible ways this thread could turn out I never imagined this one!


That's what you get when you post in S&B!


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## Sarde (Jan 22, 2004)

Cool to know that there are a few fellow veggies here.  I'm somewhere halfway between vegetarian and vegan. I rarely eat eggs and if I do buy milk and cheese, I make sure it's from an organic farm. Do you call it that, organic? Or is that just with vegetables and stuff? Free range, whatever.


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## Niirewen (Jan 22, 2004)

> How many vegetables died to make your salad?


*rolls eyes* Carnivores.




> I'm somewhere halfway between vegetarian and vegan. I rarely eat eggs and if I do buy milk and cheese, I make sure it's from an organic farm.


I'm not a vegan, but I don't like eggs (by themselves, instead of in a cake or something) and I do drink soymilk.


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## Gandalf White (Jan 22, 2004)

Niirewen said:


> *rolls eyes* Carnivores.



Correction..._omnivores_.  

You have to admit that shirt was funny, though...


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## Sarde (Jan 23, 2004)

That T-shirt is funny, Gandalf White. I'd wear it actually! I'd definitely not be offended if I came across anyone wearing it, I'd just laugh. Yes, I am a veggie murderer. Thankfully, veggies don't have *consciousness* though (wasn't that what this thread was about in the first place?)




Helcaraxë said:


> As am I. Vegetarian, through and through. Though not a vegan, I don't know what's going on there. It's not like you have to kill a cow to get milk.



There is logic behind it. I am not a strict vegan myself, but I see the logic. You may not know this, but in order to give milk, a cow needs to give birth to a calf every single year. And guess what happens to all the bull calves? Veal... Similar story goes for eggs. Half of the eggs produce roosters, which are killed right after hatching (a common method for this, as it is a lot quicker compared to wringing their necks by hand, is throwing them into a shredding machine - *alive*!). So, yeah, to me there is definitely logic behind veganism and I try to limit my intake of milk and eggs and related products to a minimum.

Btw: I didn't write this to proselytize or anything, but many people don't seem to be aware of the cow-milk/chicken-egg problem.


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## Niirewen (Jan 23, 2004)

> Correction...omnivores.


You're right! I apologize.. 

Okay, maybe the shirt is a little funny..

Anyway, I prefer being an herbivore.

But I was thinking today, about that crazy Atkins diet.. suddenly everyone is like obsessed with it.. and if I were on it I would die because 1) it mostly consists of meat (which I don't eat, obviously) and 2) basically all I eat is carbs. I love carbs. I would die without my carbs.


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## Thorondor (Jan 23, 2004)

Sarde said:


> Half of the eggs produce roosters, which are killed right after hatching (a common method for this, as it is a lot quicker compared to wringing their necks by hand, is throwing them into a shredding machine - *alive*!). So, yeah, to me there is definitely logic behind veganism and I try to limit my intake of milk and eggs and related products to a minimum.
> 
> Btw: I didn't write this to proselytize or anything, but many people don't seem to be aware of the cow-milk/chicken-egg problem.


I actually hadn't heard that practice before. Growing up on a farm, I have mixed reactions to things like that. There is a demand for a supply of eggs, and sadly there isn't much of a function for roosters of that breed. It is a horrible outcome. I actually don't eat a lot of meat; not because of the morality of it, just my lifestyle. But I have a huge problem with the level of factory farms that are being created. I never buy eggs or chicken at the store, I would rather get them from my parents. 

Luckily I grew up with the old way of doing things, so I have an better understanding of where my food is coming from. When I make an omlete, I don't have to worry about how old the eggs are, what the chickens where fed, or if they spent their life in a tiny cage.


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## Sarde (Jan 24, 2004)

Well that's what really bothers me too, the factory farming and how animals are treated like products rather than sentient beings... Did you know that the owner of Kentucky Fried Chicken (forgot his name) refuses to speaks of 'chickens' or 'animals'? He just calls them 'proteins'. I guess that way he won't have to feel guilty about what he's doing to the 'proteins'.

If people want to eat meat that's fine with me, it's their choice, but I get really angry with people who do not want to know where their food comes from 'because it will spoil their appetite', or people who say they are very much against factory farming and greatly love animals, but still buy factory farming products because animal friendly products are more expensive. But thankfully I do see a tendency of people becoming more aware of these things and I think that the future of factory farming is not a very long one...

I once met a lady who said that she would not buy a whole chicken because 'it looked too much like an animal'. How hypocrite can you get...? I feel that if you want to eat meat, you should be ready to kill the animal with your own hands. If you have no problem with that, fine, go ahead. If you couldn't find it in your heart to end the life of a cow, chicken or pig, then don't go paying someone else to do the dirty work for you...

'If slaughter houses had glass walls, there'd be a hell of a lot more vegetarians' (forget who said that).

Hey, Sir Ian MacKellen is a veggie too!


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## Niirewen (Jan 24, 2004)

I completely agree with you, Sarde. Unfortunately, many meat-eaters like eating meat so much that they are unwilling to give it up even if it means being hypocritical.




> Hey, Sir Ian MacKellen is a veggie too!


Really? I didn't know that, cool!


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## Feorran (Jun 17, 2005)

If God didn't want us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat.

If the methods for getting meat were different it would be a lot better though... I just don't see the ethics in slaughterhouses.

~Feorran

Edit: ooh, sorry for bringing this thread up, I didn't notice how old it was...


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## Hammersmith (Jun 17, 2005)

I'm very glad you did! That thing on page one was HILARIOUS!


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## Alatar (Jun 17, 2005)

My mum refuse to buy factory chickens, we have a free range organic one from the village buchers every saturday, though it costs 9 pound more, when a chicken's average price is £3( three pounds for a profit on a chickens life, less than three pound to keep it alive).
I am fine with killing animals, the last time i fished we would cook what we caught, and i have know problem gutting fish or getting my hands dirty. My old next door neighbours a hunt, and i would have know problem killing my food.
By the way, the thing is funny.


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## e.Blackstar (Sep 6, 2005)

For the record: I am *not* a vegetarian, I eat and enjoy meat as much as I am able, I think Gandalf White's shirt is absolutely hilarious and I want one.


And:

I find that "article" tremendously amusing. 





And if Vegetarians eat vegetables, then I think Humanitarians scare me...


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## Daranavo (Sep 6, 2005)

There are many many ways now to get proteins that do not involve meat. I have an aunt who is a vegitarian however, she will eat fish and dairy. 

I am not a vegitarian however, I HATE Macdonalds and KFC, and I am quite peticular on how food is cooked. I prefer cuts of meats like steak, boneless chicken breasts, and filets. I live alone so I buy a package and it lasts me a long time. I also like soy products like tofu. I also prepare a salad or fresh veggie and rarely doI eat potatoes or pasta though I love them very much. My mom, however, cooks on sundays and catches me up on all my carbs in one shot. Carbs are the devil in my opinion but they will keep you going on a long bike ride. 

I do know how animals are treated especially cows, my dads uncle owned a farm and when I was a kid we watched them behead them. Not a pretty sight however we knew why they did it. A friends uncle owned a few acres and had chickens. When we visited, he wanted us to take out a couple of chickens. Well, and I do not know if this is how they always did it, he gave us large plastic bags to put over our clothes and large tree branch pruners. He had us go out, tie up a chicken and it hung upside down. We then pruned off its head. I did not get it in one fail swoop and so it took 2 tries to completely behead it. After we did, its body flailed around for several seconds and got blood over the plastic bags upon us. We then took them inside, soaked them and plucked them. I have never personally killed another animal since then. 

You must understand that thre are 100's of millions of people to feed in this country. We do not have the veggies to feed them all, nor are they very cheap anymore. Mass production of meat foods is essential though I do believe it could be more humane.


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## e.Blackstar (Sep 7, 2005)

Daranavo said:


> Carbs are the devil in my opinion but they will keep you going on a long bike ride.



Hey hey. Carbs are good! They give you energy...and they taste good too! I can't imagine life without bread and pasta and sundry...


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