# LOTR spoofs



## Kit Baggins (Feb 21, 2002)

*Monty Python and the Ring of Doom*

OK, at the request of Tookish-girl, here is the first part of my Monty Python/LOTR parody...

Monty Python And The Ring Of Doom (don't say I didn't warn you  !)

Scene 1 (somewhere in the Shire)
[wind] 
[clop clop clop] 
Frodo: Whoa there! 
[clop clop clop] 
Elf #1: Halt! Who goes there? 
Frodo: It is I, Frodo Baggins from the Shire, Bearer of the One Ring!
Elf #1: Pull the other one! 
Frodo: I am, ...and this is my trusted friend Samwise. We have ridden the length and breadth of the Shire in search of adventurers who will join me in my quest. I must speak with your lord and master. 
Elf #1: What? Ridden on a horse? 
Frodo: Yes! 
Elf #1: You're using coconuts! 
Frodo: What? 
Elf #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together. 
Frodo: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the Shire, through-- 
Elf #1: Where'd you get the coconuts? 
Frodo: We found them. 
Elf #1: Found them? In the Shire? The coconut's tropical! 
Frodo: What do you mean? 
Elf #1: Well, this is a temperate zone. 
Frodo: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? 
Elf #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? 
Frodo: Not at all. They could be carried. 
Elf #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut? 
Frodo: It could grip it by the husk! 
Elf #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut. 
Frodo: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Frodo the Ring-Bearer is here? 
Elf #1: Listen. In order to maintain airspeed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? 
Frodo: Please! 
Elf #1: Am I right? 
Frodo: I'm not interested! 
Elf #2: It could be carried by an eagle! 
Elf #1: Oh, yeah, an eagle maybe, but not a swallow. That's my point. 
Elf #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that. 
Frodo: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my quest?! 
Elf #1: But then of course eagles are non-migratory. 
Elf #2: Oh, yeah... 
Elf #1: So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway... 
Frodo: I give up. Come on, Sam, we're going to Buckland. 
[clop clop clop] 
Elf #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together? 
Elf #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line. 
Elf #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper! 
Elf #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers? 
Elf #2: Well, why not? 

Scene 2 (Isengard)
[thud] 
[clang] 
Orc Cart Master: Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[cough cough...] 
[clang] 
[...cough cough] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! Ninepence. 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
[clang] 
Bring out... 
[rewr!] 
...your dead! 
[rewr!] 
[clang] 
Bring out your dead! 
Customer: Here's one. 
Orc Cart Master: Ninepence. 
Dead Orc: I'm not dead! 
Orc Cart Master: What? 
Customer: Nothing. Here's your ninepence. 
Dead Orc: I'm not dead! 
Orc Cart Master: 'Ere. He says he's not dead! 
Customer: Yes, he is. 
Dead Orc: I'm not! 
Orc Cart Master: He isn't? 
Customer: Well, he will be soon. He's badly wounded. 
Dead Orc: I'm getting better! 
Customer: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. 
Orc Cart Master: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. 
Dead Orc: I don't want to go on the cart! 
Customer: Oh, don't be such a baby. 
Orc Cart Master: I can't take him. 
Dead Orc: I feel fine! 
Customer: Well, do us a favour. 
Orc Cart Master: I can't. 
Customer: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. 
Orc Cart Master: No, I've got to go to Gorbag's squad. They've lost nine today. 
Customer: Well, when's your next round? 
Orc Cart Master: Thursday. 
Dead Orc: I think I'll go for a walk. 
Customer: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look, isn't there something you can do? 
Dead Orc: [singing] I feel happy... I feel happy. 
[whop] 
Customer: Ah, thanks very much. 
Orc Cart Master: Not at all. See you on Thursday. 
Customer: Right. All right. 
[howl] 
[clop clop clop] 
Who's that then? 
Orc Cart Master: I dunno. Must be an Uruk-hai. 
Customer: Why? 
Orc Cart Master: He hasn't got stuff all over him. 

Scene 3 (somewhere else in the Shire)
[thud] 
[thud thud thud] 
Frodo: Old Balrog! 
Dennis: Troll! 
Frodo: Troll. Sorry. Who lives in that castle over there? 
Dennis: I'm thirty-seven. 
Frodo: I-- what? 
Dennis: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old. 
Frodo: Well, I can't just call you 'Troll'. 
Dennis: Well, you could say 'Dennis'. 
Frodo: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'. 
Dennis: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? 
Frodo: I did say 'sorry' about the 'Old Balrog', but from the behind you looked-- 
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior! 
Frodo: Well, I am a Ring-Bearer! 
Dennis: Oh, a Ring-Bearer, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the-- 
Female Troll: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do? 
Frodo: How do you do, good lady? I am Frodo, Bearer of the One Ring. Whose castle is that? 
Female Troll: Bearer of what? 
Frodo: The One Ring. 
Female Troll: What's that? 
Frodo: Well, this is. This is the One Ring, and I am its Bearer. 
Female Troll: I didn't know we had a Ring-Bearer. I thought we were an autonomous collective. 
Dennis: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- 
Female Troll: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again. 
Dennis: That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of-- 
Frodo: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle? 
Female Troll: No one lives there. 
Frodo: Then who is your lord? 
Female Troll: We don't have a lord. 
Frodo: What? 
Dennis: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive Officer for the week,... 
Frodo: Yes. 
Dennis: ...but all the decision of that Officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting... 
Frodo: Yes, I see. 
Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,... 
Frodo: Be quiet! 
Dennis: ...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major-- 
Frodo: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet! 
Female Troll: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh. 
Frodo: I am the Ring-Bearer! 
Female Troll: Well, I didn't vote for you. 
Frodo: You don't vote for Ring-Bearers. 
Female Troll: Well, how did you become Ring-Bearer, then? 
Frodo: The One Ring was passed on to me by my uncle, who had won it in a game of riddles from the foul cave-dwelling creature that had possessed it for five hundred years. I have been charged with destroying it, in order to save Middle-earth.
That is why I am the Ring-Bearer! 
Dennis: Listen. Strange creatures lurking in caves and challenging people to answer riddles is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a Mandate from the masses, not from some farcical subterranean ceremony. 
Frodo: Be quiet! 
Dennis: Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause one of your relatives won some jewellery in a guessing-game! 
Frodo: Shut up! 
Dennis: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was Royal High Ring-Bearer just because some one of my family got a ring as a prize for telling jokes, they'd put me away! 
Frodo: Shut up, will you? Shut up! 
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. 
Frodo: Shut up! 
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed! 
Frodo: Bloody troll! 
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?


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## Kit Baggins (Feb 22, 2002)

Scene 4 (Barrowdowns)
Black Uruk-hai: Aaaagh! Aaagh! 
Green Uruk-hai: Ooh! 
[stab] 
Black Uruk-hai: Aagh! 
Green Uruk-hai: Oh! Ooh! 
Black Uruk-hai: Aaaagh! 
[clang] 
Black and Green Uruk-hai: Agh!, oh!, etc. 
Green Uruk-hai: Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah! 
[woosh] 
[Black Uruk-hai kills Green Uruk-hai] 
[thud] 
[scrape] 
Black Uruk-hai: Umm! 
[clop clop clop] 
Frodo: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Uruk-hai. 
[pause] 
I am Frodo the Ring-Bearer. 
[pause] 
I seek the finest and the bravest adventurers in the land to join me in my quest. 
[pause] 
You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? 
[pause] 
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Sam. 
Black Uruk-hai: None shall pass. 
Frodo: What? 
Black Uruk-hai: None shall pass. 
Frodo: I have no quarrel with you, but I must cross this bridge. 
Black Uruk-hai: Then you shall die. 
Frodo: I command you, as the Bearer of the One Ring, to stand aside! 
Black Uruk-hai: I move for no Man. 
Frodo: [under his breath] Hobbit, dammit! So be it! 
Frodo and Black Uruk-hai: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc. 
[Frodo chops the Uruk-hai's left arm off] 
Frodo: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. 
Black Uruk-hai: 'Tis but a scratch. 
Frodo: A scratch? Your arm's off! 
Black Uruk-hai: No, it isn't. 
Frodo: Well, what's that, then? 
Black Uruk-hai: I've had worse. 
Frodo: You liar! 
Black Uruk-hai: Come on, you pansy! 
[clang] 
Hiyaah! 
[clang] 
Aaaaaaaah! 
[Frodo chops the Uruk-hai's right arm off] 
Frodo: Victory is mine! 
[kneeling] 
We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer-- 
Black Uruk-hai: Hah! 
[kick] 
Come on, then. 
Frodo: What? 
Black Uruk-hai: Have at you! 
[kick] 
Frodo: Eh. You are indeed brave, but the fight is mine. 
Black Uruk-hai: Oh, had enough, eh? 
Frodo: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left. 
Black Uruk-hai: Yes, I have. 
Frodo: Look! 
Black Uruk-hai: Just a flesh wound. 
[kick] 
Frodo: Look, stop that. 
Black Uruk-hai: Chicken! 
[kick] 
Chickennn! 
Frodo: Look, I'll have your leg. 
[kick] 
Right! 
[whop] 
[Frodo chops the Uruk-hai's right leg off] 
Black Uruk-hai: Right. I'll do you for that! 
Frodo: You'll what? 
Black Uruk-hai: Come here! 
Frodo: What are you going to do, bleed on me? 
Black Uruk-hai: I'm invincible! 
Frodo: You're a looney. 
Black Uruk-hai: The fighting Uruk-hai always triumph! Have at you! Come on, then. 
[whop] 
[Frodo chops the Uruk-hai's last leg off] 
Black Uruk-hai: Ooh. All right, we'll call it a draw. 
Frodo: Come, Sam. 
Black Uruk-hai: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off! 

Scene 5 (Buckland)
Elves: [chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. 
[bonk] 
Pie Iesu domine,... 
[bonk] 
...dona eis requiem. 
[bonk] 
Pie Iesu domine,... 
[bonk] 
...dona eis requiem. 
Crowd: An Orc! An Orc! 
[bonk] 
An Orc! An Orc! 
Elves: [chanting] Pie Iesu domine... 
Crowd: An Orc! An Orc! An Orc! An Orc! We've found an Orc! An Orc! An Orc! An Orc! An Orc! We've got an Orc! An Orc! An Orc! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found an Orc! We've found an Orc! An Orc! An Orc! An Orc! 
Bucklander #1: We have found an Orc. May we burn her? 
Crowd: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her! 
Merry: How do you know she is an Orc? 
Bucklander #2: She looks like one. 
Crowd: Right! Yeah! Yeah! 
Merry: Bring her forward. 
Orc: I'm not an Orc. I'm not an Orc. 
Merry: Uh, but you are dressed as one. 
Orc: They dressed me up like this. 
Crowd: Ah, we didn't! We didn't... 
Orc: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one. 
Merry: Well? 
Bucklander #1: Well, we did do the nose. 
Merry: The nose? 
Bucklander #1: And the armour, but she is an Orc! 
Bucklander #2: Yeah! 
Crowd: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah! 
Merry: Did you dress her up like this? 
Bucklander #1: No! 
Bucklanders #2 and #3: No. No. 
Bucklander #1: Yes. 
Bucklander #2: Yes. 
Bucklander #3: Yes. Yeah, a bit. 
Bucklanders #1 and #2: A bit. 
Bucklander #1: She has got a wart. 
Random: [cough] 
Merry: What makes you think she is an Orc? 
Bucklander #3: Well, she trapped me in Mordor. 
Merry: In Mordor? 
Bucklander #3: I got out. 
Bucklander #2: Burn her anyway! 
Bucklander #1: Burn! 
Crowd: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!... 
Merry: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is an Orc. 
Bucklander #1: Are there? 
Bucklander #2: Ah? 
Bucklander #1: What are they? 
Crowd: Tell us! Tell us!... 
Merry: Tell me. What do you do with Orcs? 
Bucklander #2: Burn! 
Bucklander #1: Burn! 
Crowd: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!... 
Merry: And what do you burn apart from Orcs? 
Bucklander #1: More Orcs! 
Bucklander #3: Shh! 
Bucklander #2: Wood! 
Merry: So, why do Orcs burn? 
[pause] 
Bucklander #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood? 
Merry: Good! Heh heh. 
Crowd: Oh, yeah. Oh. 
Merry: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? 
Bucklander #1: Build a bridge out of her. 
Merry: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone? 
Bucklander #1: Oh, yeah. 
Random: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh... 
Merry: Does wood sink in water? 
Bucklander #1: No. No. 
Bucklander #2: No, it floats! It floats! 
Bucklander #1: Throw her into the pond! 
Crowd: The pond! Throw her into the pond! 
Merry: What also floats in water? 
Bucklander #1: Bread! 
Bucklander #2: Apples! 
Bucklander #3: Uh, very small rocks! 
Bucklander #1: Cider! 
Bucklander #2: Uh, gra-- gravy! 
Bucklander #1: Cherries! 
Bucklander #2: Mud! 
Bucklander #3: Lead! Lead! 
Frodo: A duck! 
Crowd: Oooh. 
Merry: Exactly. So, logically... 
Bucklander #1: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood. 
Merry: And therefore? 
Bucklander #2: An Orc! 
Bucklander #1: An Orc! 
Crowd: An Orc! An Orc!... 
Bucklander #4: Here is a duck. Use this duck. 
[quack quack quack] 
Merry: We shall use my largest scales. 
Crowd: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the Orc! Burn the Orc! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh... 
Merry: Right. Remove the supports! 
[whop] 
[clunk] 
[creak] 
Crowd: An Orc! An Orc! An Orc! 
Orc: It's a fair cop. 
Bucklander #3: Burn her! 
Crowd: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!... 
Merry: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science? 
Frodo: I am Frodo, Bearer of the One Ring. Good Gentlehobbit, will you come with me to Mordor to destroy the Ring? 
Merry: I would be honoured. 
Frodo: What is your name? 
Merry: 'Meriadoc'. 
Frodo: Then I dub you 'Sir Meriadoc, of the Fellowship of the Ring'.


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## tookish-girl (Feb 23, 2002)

Thanks Kit, it's absolutey wonderful! Hope you get all the way up to the castle Anthrax scene!


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## YayGollum (Feb 23, 2002)

Can't wait to see who Gollum is. Probably the bridgekeeper dude. I've been thinking about my own LOTR/Monty Python parodies, like when the knights sing the song about Camelot. "Let's not go to Rivendell, it is a silly place."


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## Kit Baggins (Feb 24, 2002)

Sadly I had to cut out some bits (including Castle Anthrax  ) because I couldn't think of ways to parody them, and also because it's 40-odd pages long and took up too much space on my hard drive  .

Still, here's the next bit...Narrative Interlude
Narrator: The wise Sir Merry was the first to join Frodo's fellowship, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Samwise the Brave, Sir Peregrin the Pure, and Sir Smeagol the-not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Samwise, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Anfalas, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Esgaroth, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries: the Fellowship of the Ring. 


Scene 7 (Weathertop)
[clop clop clop] 
[boom boom] 
[Ainur sing] 
The Fellowship stand in awe before Eru
Eru: Frodo! Frodo Baggins, Bearer of the One Ring! Oh, don't grovel! 
[singing stops] 
One thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling. 
Frodo: Sorry. 
[boom] 
Eru: And don't apologise. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'. 
[boom] 
What are you doing now?! 
Frodo: I'm averting my eyes, O Eru. 
Eru: Well, don't. It's like those miserable prayers-- they're so depressing. Now, knock it off! 
Frodo: Yes, O Eru. 
Eru: Right! Frodo, Bearer of the One Ring, your Fellowship shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. 
Frodo: Good idea, O Eru! 
Eru: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold! 
[Ainur sing] 
Frodo, this is the Ring of Doom. Look well, Frodo, for it is your sacred task to destroy this Ring. That is your purpose, Frodo: the destruction of the One Ring. 
[boom] 
[singing stops] 
Sam: A blessing! A blessing from Eru! 
Pippin: Eru be praised! 

Scene 7 (somewhere in the Shire)
[clop clop clop] 
Frodo: Halt! 
[horn] 
Hallo! 
[pause] 
Hallo! 
Orc Guard: Allo! Who is eet? 
Frodo: It is Frodo the Ring-Bearer, and these are my Fellowship. Whose castle is this? 
Orc Guard: This is the castle of my master, Bôrrárz the Maimer. 
Frodo: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest to destroy the One Ring. 
Orc Guard: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see. 
Frodo: What? 
Pippin: He says they've already got one! 
Frodo: Are you sure he's got one? 
Orc Guard: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.) 
Orc Guards: [chuckling] 
Frodo: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look? 
Orc Guard: Of course not! You are Hobbit types-a! 
Frodo: Well, what are you, then? 
Orc Guard: I'm an Orc! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly Hobbit-a?! 
Pippin: What are you doing in the Shire? 
Orc Guard: Mind your own business! 
Frodo: If you will not show us the Ring, we shall take your castle by force! 
Orc Guard: You don't frighten us, Hobbit pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Frodo Ring-Bearer, you and all your silly Hobbit k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt! 
Pippin: What a strange person. 
Frodo: Now look here, my good Orc-- 
Orc Guard: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! 
Pippin: Is there someone else up there we could talk to? 
Orc Guard: No, now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! 
[sniff] 
Frodo: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable. 
Orc Guard: (Fetchez la vache.) 
Other Orc Guard: Quoi? 
Orc Guard: (Fetchez la vache!) 
[mooo] 
Frodo: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-- 
[twong] 
[mooooooo] 
Jesus Christ! 
Fellowship: Aaagh! 
[thud] 
Ah! Ohh! 
Frodo: Right! Charge! 
Fellowship: Charge! 
[mayhem] 
Frodo: Run away! 
Fellowship: Run away! 
Orc Guard: Thppppt! 
Orc Guards: [taunting] 
Sam: Fiends! I'll tear them apart! 
Frodo: No, no. No, no. 
Merry: Frodo! I have a plan. 
[later] 
[wind] 
[saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw] 
[clunk] 
[bang] 
[rewr!] 
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak] 
[rrrr rrrr rrrr] 
[drilllll] 
[sawwwww] 
[clunk] 
[crash] 
[clang] 
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...] 
[creak] 
Orc Guards: [whispering] C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here... 
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...] 
[clllank] 
Frodo: What happens now? 
Merry: Well, now, uh, Sam, Pippin, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the Rabbit, taking the Orcs, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! 
Frodo: Who leaps out? 
Merry: U-- u-- uh, Sam, Pippin, and I, uh, leap out of the Rabbit, uh, and uh... 
Frodo: Ohh. 
Merry: Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger-- 
[clank] 
[twong] 
Frodo: Run away! 
Fellowship: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! 
[CRASH] 
Orc Guards: Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh... 

Scene 8 (Mordor)
[clack] 
Voice: Picture for Schools, take eight. 
Director: Action! 
Historian: Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened Frodo. The ferocity of the Orcs' taunting took him completely by surprise, and Frodo became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest to destroy the Ring were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Frodo, having consulted his closest friends, decided that they should separate and search for Mordor individually. [clop clop clop] Now, this is what they did: Samwise-- 
Uruk-hai: Aaaah! 
[slash] 
[Uruk-hai kills Historian] 
Historian's Wife: Frank!


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## legoman (Feb 25, 2002)

It just keeps getting better, thats brilliant Kit.


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## YayGollum (Mar 1, 2002)

Arg! Poor Smeagol! I did like Sir Robin in that movie, but not quite so brave as Sir Samwise made me go crazy. sorry.


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## Gary Gamgee (Mar 2, 2002)

LMAO Brilliant everyone!


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## Kit Baggins (Mar 3, 2002)

.:begs YG's forgiveness (especially for this next part  !) :.

Scene 9 (Mirkwood)
[trumpets] 
Narrator: The Tale of Sir Smeagol. So, each of the Knights went their separate ways. Sir Smeagol rode east, through the dark forest of Mirkwood, accompanied by his favourite Minstrels. 
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Smeagol rode forth from Hobbiton. 
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Smeagol. 
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, 
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Smeagol! 
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, 
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken, 
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away 
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Smeagol! 
His head smashed in and his heart cut out 
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged 
And his nostrils--
Sir Smeagol: We thinks that's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot, precioussss. 
All Heads: Halt! Who art thou? 
Minstrel: [singing] He is brave Sir Smeagol, brave Sir Smeagol, who-- 
Smeagol: Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody really, We're j-- j-- j-- ju-- jussst um, just passing through. 
All Heads: What do you want? 
Minstrel: [singing] To fight and-- 
Smeagol: Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing, nothing really. We, uh, j-- j-- just-- just to um, just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight. 
All Heads: I'm afraid not! 
Smeagol: Ah. W-- well, actually we-- we are a part of the Fellowship of the Ring, precioussss. 
All Heads: You're part of the Fellowship? 
Smeagol: We are, gollum. 
Left Head: In that case, I shall have to kill you. 
Middle Head: Shall I? 
Right Head: Oh, I don't think so. 
Middle Head: Well, what do I think? 
Left Head: I think kill him. 
Right Head: Oh, let's be nice to him. 
Left Head: Oh, shut up. 
Smeagol: Perhaps Smeagol could-- 
Left Head: And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off! 
Right Head: Oh, cut your own head off! 
Middle Head: Yes, do us all a favour! 
Left Head: What? 
Right Head: Yapping on all the time. 
Middle Head: You're lucky. You're not next to him. 
Left Head: What do you mean? 
Middle Head: You snore! 
Left Head: Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath. 
Middle Head: Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth. 
Right Head: Oh, stop arguing and let's go have tea. 
Left Head: Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.
Middle Head: Yes. 
Right Head: Oh, not biscuits. 
Left Head: All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway. 
All Heads: Right! 
Middle Head: He ran off. 
Right Head: So he has. He's scarpered. 
Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Smeagol ran away, 
Smeagol: No! 
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely ran away, away. 
Smeagol: We didn't! 
Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. 
Smeagol: No! 
Minstrel: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Smeagol turned about 
Smeagol: We didn't! 
Minstrel: [singing] And gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet, 
Smeagol: We never did, precious! 
Minstrel: [singing] He beat a very brave retreat, 
Smeagol: All liessss! 
Minstrel: [singing] Bravest of the brave, Sir Smeagol. 
Smeagol: We never! 

Narrative Interlude
Narrator: Sir Smeagol had bravely run away from almost certain peril, but he was still no nearer Mount Doom. Meanwhile, Frodo and Sir Meriadoc, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging-- 
Crowd: Get on with it! 
Narrator: Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Frodo discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh! 

Scene 10 (Moria)
Old Man: Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha... 
Frodo: And this Wizard of whom you speak, he has seen Mount Doom? 
Old Man: ...Ha ha ha ha! Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha... 
Frodo: Where does he live? 
Old Man: ...Heh heh heh heh... 
Frodo: Old Man, where does he live? 
Old Man: ...Hee ha ha ha. He knows of a cave, a cave which no Man has entered. 
Frodo: Near Mount Doom? 
Old Man: There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no Man has ever crossed. 
Frodo: But Mount Doom! Where is Mount Doom?! 
Old Man: Seek you the Bridge of Death. 
Frodo: The Bridge of Death, which leads to Mount Doom? 
Old Man: Heh, hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hee ha ha... 

Scene 11 (Mirkwood)
[spooky music] 
[music stops] 
Head Elf of Ni: Ni! 
Elves of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! 
Frodo: Who are you? 
Head Elf: We are the Elves Who Say... 'Ni'! 
Random: Ni! 
Frodo: No! Not the Elves Who Say 'Ni'! 
Head Elf: The same! 
Merry: Who are they? 
Head Elf: We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'! 
Random: Neee-wom! 
Frodo: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! 
Head Elf: The Elves Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice! 
Frodo: Elves of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the Wizard who lives beyond these woods. 
Head Elf: Ni! 
Elves of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!... 
Frodo: Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh! 
Head Elf: We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us. 
Frodo: Well, what is it you want? 
Head Elf: We want... a shrubbery! 
[dramatic chord] 
Frodo: A what? 
Elves of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! 
Frodo and Merry: Ow! Oh! 
Frodo: Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery. 
Head Elf: You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive. 
Frodo: O Elves of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. 
Head Elf: One that looks nice. 
Frodo: Of course. 
Head Elf: And not too expensive. 
Frodo: Yes. 
Head Elf: Now... go!


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## YayGollum (Mar 5, 2002)

It's funny. I don't care. Sir Robin was always my favorite in the movie. Hurry up and do more!


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## tookish-girl (Mar 6, 2002)

Oh puh-lease, puh-lease Kit, do Sir Peregrin in the Castle Anthrax! You might get banned from it, but it'd be so cool!


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## Kit Baggins (Mar 6, 2002)

I couldn't think of a LOTR parody of Castle Anthrax  . If anyone has a suggestion for that scene, please post it  !

Anyway, the next bit:
Scene 12 (Minas Tirith)
Narrator: The Tale of Sir Samwise. 
Denethor: One day, lad, all this will be yours! 
Faramir: What, the curtains? 
Denethor: No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad. 
Faramir: B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that. 
Denethor: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a citadel on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest citadel in Middle-earth. 
Faramir: But I don't want any of that. I'd rather-- 
Denethor: Rather what?! 
Faramir: I'd rather... 
[music] 
...just... sing! 
Denethor: Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here. Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Middle-earth. 
Faramir: B-- but I don't want land. 
Denethor: Listen, Faramir. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get. 
Faramir: But-- but I don't like her. 
Denethor: Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge tracts o' land. 
Faramir: I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have... 
[music] 
...a certain,... special... something! 
Denethor: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying Eowyn, so you'd better get used to the idea! 
[smack] 
Guards! Make sure Faramir doesn't leave this room until I come and get him. 
Guard #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him. 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: No, no. Until I come and get him. 
Guard #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. 
Denethor: No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave. 
Guard #1: And you'll come and get him. 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: Right. 
Guard #1: We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room. 
Denethor: No, no. Leaving the room. 
Guard #1: Leaving the room. Yes. 
[sniff] 
Denethor: All right? 
Guard #1: Right. 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: Right. 
Guard #1: Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we-- 
Denethor: Yes? What is it? 
Guard #1: Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh-- 
Denethor: Look, it's quite simple. 
Guard #1: Uh... 
Denethor: You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right? 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: Right. 
Guard #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us? 
Denethor: N-- no no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he-- 
Guard #1: Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him-- 
Denethor: No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here-- 
Guard #1: Until you or anyone else-- 
Denethor: No, not anyone else. Just me. 
Guard #1: Just you. 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: Get back. 
Guard #1: Get back. 
Denethor: All right? 
Guard #1: Right. We'll stay here until you get back. 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave. 
Guard #1: What? 
Denethor: Make sure 'e doesn't leave. 
Guard #1: Faramir? 
Denethor: Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't leave. 
Guard #1: Oh, yes, of course. 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Guard #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a Guard. 
Denethor: Is that clear? 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Guard #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems. 
Denethor: Right. Where are you going? 
Guard #1: We're coming with you. 
Denethor: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave. 
Guard #1: Oh, I see. Right. 
Faramir: But Father! 
Denethor: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! 
[music] 
And no singing! 
Guard #2: Hic! 
Denethor: Oh, go and get a glass of water. 
[clank] 
[scribble scribble scribble fold fold] 
[twong] 

Scene 13 (Gondor)
Sam: Well taken, Bill! 
Bill the Pony: Thank you, sir! Most kind. 
Sam: And again! Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big one! Uuh! Come on, Bill! 
[thwonk] 
Bill: Message for you, sir. 
[fwump] 
Sam: Bill! Bill! Speak to me! 'To whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my Father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower of Minas Tirith.' At last! A call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to Mount Doom! Brave, brave Bill, you shall not have died in vain! 
Bill: Uh, I'm-- I'm not quite dead, sir. 
Sam: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain! 
Bill: I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, sir. 
Sam: Oh, I see. 
Bill: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, sir-- 
Sam: No, no, Bill! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular... [sigh] 
Bill: Idiom, sir? 
Sam: Idiom! 
Bill: No, I feel fine, actually, sir. 
Sam: Farewell, Bill! 
Bill: I'll, um-- I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir? Yeah.


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## Lucie Baggins (Mar 10, 2002)

Scene 14 (Minas Tirith)
[inside castle] 
Eowyn and Girls: [giggle giggle giggle] 
[outside castle] 
Guest: 'Morning! 
Sentry #1: 'Morning. 
Sentry #2: Oooh. 
Sentry #1: [ptoo] 
Sam: Ha ha! Hiyya! 
Sentry #2: Hey! 
Sam: Hiyya!, Ha!, etc. 
Eowyn and Girls: [giggle giggle giggle] 
Sam: Ha ha! Huy! 
Guests: Uuh! Aaah! 
Sam: Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!... 
Guard #1: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh! 
Sam: O fair one, Behold your humble servant, Sir Samwise of the Shire. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 
Faramir: You got my note! 
Sam: Uh, well, I-- I got a-- a note. 
Faramir: You've come to rescue me! 
Sam: Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't-- 
Faramir: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there... 
[music] 
Sam: Well, I-- 
Faramir: ...there must be... someone... 
Denethor: Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you? 
Faramir: I'm your son! 
Denethor: No, not you. 
Sam: Uh, I am Sir Samwise, Sir. 
Faramir: He's come to rescue me, Father. 
Sam: Well, let's not jump to conclusions. 
Denethor: Did you kill all those Guards? 
Sam: Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry. 
Denethor: They cost fifty pounds each! 
Sam: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything. 
Faramir: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Samwise. I've got a rope all ready. 
Denethor: You killed eight wedding guests in all! 
Sam: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady. 
Denethor: I can understand that. 
Faramir: Hurry, Sir Samwise! Hurry! 
Denethor: Shut up! You only killed the Bride's father, that's all! 
Sam: Well, I really didn't mean to... 
Denethor: Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head! 
Sam: Oh, dear. Is he all right? 
Denethor: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune! 
Sam: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding south from the Shire, when I got this note, you see-- 
Denethor: The Shire? Are you from, uh, the Shire? 
Faramir: Hurry, Sir Samwise! 
Sam: Uh, I am one of the Fellowship of the Ring, Sir. 
Denethor: Very nice place, the Shire. Uh, very good pig country. 
Sam: Is it? 
Faramir: Hurry! I'm ready! 
Denethor: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink? 
Sam: Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,... 
Faramir: I am ready! 
Sam: ...um, I mean to be so understanding. 
[thonk] 
Um,... 
[woosh] 
Faramir: Oooh! 
Sam: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. 
Denethor: Oh, don't worry about that. 
Faramir: Oooh! 
[splat] 

Scene 15 (Minas Tirith)
Guests: [crying] 
Denethor: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room. 
Guest: There he is! 
Denethor: Oh, bloody hell. 
Sam: Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha! 
Denethor: Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please! 
Sam: Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone. 
Guest #1: He's killed the Best Man! 
Guests: [yelling] 
Denethor: Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Sir Samwise from the Shire, a very brave and influential Hobbit, and my special guest here today. 
Sam: Hello. 
Guest: He killed my auntie! 
Guests: [yelling] 
Denethor: Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Faramir, has just fallen to his death. 
Guests: Oh! Oh, no! 
Denethor: But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter! 
[clap clap clap] 
For, since the tragic death of her father-- 
Guest #2: He's not quite dead! 
Denethor: Since the near fatal wounding of her father-- 
Guest #2: He's getting better! 
Denethor: For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. 
Bride's Father: Uugh! 
Guest #2: Oh, he's died! 
Denethor: And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense. 
[clap clap clap] 
And I feel sure that the merger-- er, the union between Eowyn and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Samwise of the Shire-- 
Sam: What? 
Guest #2: Look! The dead Lord Faramir! 
Guests: Oooh! The dead Lord Faramir! 
Bill: He's not quite dead. 
Faramir: No, I feel much better. 
Denethor: You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep! 
Faramir: No, I was saved at the last minute. 
Denethor: How?! 
Faramir: Well, I'll tell you. 
[music] 
Denethor: Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it!


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## Kit Baggins (Mar 10, 2002)

Gah  ! It happened again  !

.:beats head agains wall:.

.:beats sister's head against wall:.

Damn you Lucie, why can't you *ever* log out when you've finished  !!

~Kit


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## Varda (Mar 10, 2002)

Those are hysterical!


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## UngattTrunn475 (Mar 10, 2002)

lol, those are funny!


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## Kit Baggins (Mar 13, 2002)

Thanks  .

Scene 16 (Esgaroth)
[clop clop clop] 
[rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!] 
Frodo: Old Crone! 
[rewr!] 
Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? 
[dramatic chord] 
Old Crone: Who sent you? 
Frodo: The Elves Who Say 'Ni'. 
Crone: Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here. 
Frodo: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'. 
Crone: Agh! Do your worst! 
Frodo: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni! 
Crone: No! Never! No shrubberies! 
Frodo: Ni! 
Crone: [cough] 
Merry: Nu! 
Frodo: No, no, no, no-- 
Merry: Nu! 
Frodo: No, it's not that. It's 'ni'. 
Merry: Nu! 
Frodo: No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No. 
Merry: Ni! 
Frodo and Merry: Ni! 
Frodo: That's it. That's it. You've got it. 
Frodo and Merry: Ni! 
Merry: Ni! 
Frodo: Ni! 
Crone: Agh! 
Merry: Ni! 
Frodo: Ni! 
Merry: Ni! 
Gimli the Shrubber: Are you saying 'ni' to that Old Woman? 
Frodo: Erm,... yes. 
Gimli: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this age. 
Frodo: Did you say 'shrubberies'? 
Gimli: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Gimli the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. 
Merry: Ni! 
Frodo: No! No, no, no! No! 

Scene 17 (Mirkwood)
Frodo: O Elves of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now? 
Head Elf: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is one small problem. 
Frodo: What is that? 
Head Elf: We are now... no longer the Elves Who Say 'Ni'. 
Elves of Ni: Ni! Shh! 
Head Elf: Shh! We are now the Elves Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv'. 
Random: Ni! 
Head Elf: Therefore, we must give you a test. 
Frodo: What is this test, O Elves of-- Elves who till recently said 'ni'? 
Head Elf: Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery! 
[dramatic chord] 
Frodo: Not another shrubbery! 
Random: Ni! 
Head Elf: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. 
Elves of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!... 
Head Elf: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring! 
[dramatic chord] 
Elves of Ni: A herring! 
Frodo: We shall do no such thing! 
Head Elf: Oh, please! 
Frodo: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done. 
Elves of Ni: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! 
Head Elf: Aaaugh! Ohh! Don't say that word. 
Frodo: What word? 
Head Elf: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Elves of Ni cannot hear. 
Frodo: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is? 
Elves of Ni: Aaaaugh! 
Head Elf: You said it again! 
Frodo: What, 'is'? 
Elves of Ni: Agh! No, not 'is'. 
Head Elf: No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'. 
Elves of Ni: No, not 'is'. Not 'is'. 
Merry: Frodo, it's Sir Smeagol! 
Minstrel: [singing] Packing it in and packing it up 
And sneaking away and buggering up 
And chickening out and ****ing off home, 
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge. 
Frodo: Sir Smeagol! 
Smeagol: Frodo! It's good to see you. 
Head Elf: Now he's said the word! 
Frodo: Surely you've not given up your quest for Mount Doom? 
Minstrel: [singing] He is sneaking away and buggering up-- 
Smeagol: Shut up! No, no. No. Far from it, preciousss. 
Head Elf: He said the word again! 
Elves of Ni: Aaaaugh! 
Smeagol: We were looking for it. 
Elves of Ni: Aaaaugh! 
Smeagol: Uh, here-- here in Mirkwood. 
Frodo: No, it is far from this place. 
Elves of Ni: Aaaaugh! 
Head Elf: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word... 
Frodo: Oh, stop it! 
Elves of Ni: ...we cannot hear! 
Head Elf: Ow! He said it again! 
Wait! I said it! I said it! 
[clop clop clop] 
Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh! 
Elves of Ni: Aaaaugh! 

Narrative Interlude
Narrator: And so, Frodo, Merry and Smeagol set out on their search to find the Wizard of whom the Old Man had spoken in scene twenty-four. Beyond the forest, they met Sam and Pippin, and there was much rejoicing. 
Fellowship: Yay! Yay! 
[woosh] 
Narrator: In the frozen land of Rohan, they were forced to eat Smeagol's Minstrels. 
Minstrel: [high-pitched] Get back! Eee! 
Narrator: And there was much rejoicing. 
Fellowship: Yay!


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## Eithne (May 7, 2002)

*lotr parody--- take one*

not written by me btw, i found this!

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING 

FADE IN (SORT OF): EXT/INT. DARKNESS 

NARRATOR : Once upon a time, Sauron got the great idea of ruling the world via some rings. (SAURON, who looks like a kitchen appliance gone horribly wrong, shows off his flashy new jewelry. )

NARRATOR : Not everyone was thrilled with this idea, so there was a war. (Lots and lots of elves and men fighting orcs. ELROND looks ****y.)

NARRATOR : Sauron had the One Ring and was therefore whacking people left and right. (SAURON kicks the ass of ISILDUR’S FATHER and menaces the hell out of ISILDUR.) But, Sauron rather stupidly reached toward Isildur with his Ring hand and Isildur chopped it off. (First of many shots of SAURON’S FALLING FINGER with THE RING. ) Isildur could have destroyed it then and there, but nooooo. He was a big dope and kept it. The Ring was not happy with this and quickly arranged Isildur’s death. (RING calls in A HIT on ISILDUR. ISILDUR gets jumped by an ORC but somehow ends up in a RIVER with arrows in his back. RING ends up UNDERWATER.) 

RING: Well, this is inconvenient. 

NARRATOR : And everyone pretty much forgot about the extremely important war. (GOLLUM goes swimming and picks up THE RING.) The Ring did wonders for Gollum’s social life. 

GOLLULM: Precioussss…. 

RING: Hoo boy. (BILBO finds THE RING. GOLLUM freaks.)

NARRATOR: Which brings us to…Now. (EXT. THE HAPPY, PERKY SHIRE)

FRODO: Hi there. I’m extremely adorable. (GANDALF rides up, singing the only poem they bothered to write a tune for.) 

GANDALF: Hello, Frodo. Why don’t I not tell you things. (FRODO laughs. It would behoove the AUDIENCE to remember this sound, as they will never hear it again.) (GANDALF randomly drops off FRODO and goes to see BILBO.)

BILBO: I’m going to say some vaguely disturbing things while Gandalf engages in some slapstick. (GANDALF smacks his head on door frame.) 

GANDALF : Let’s have a smoke. 

AUDIENCE: I was gonna go research the Ring 

But then I got high. 

I was gonna destroy the bloody thing 

But then I got high. 

Now the world is in imminent danger 

And I know why. 

Because I got high, because I got high, 

Because I got high. 

(EXT. THE HAPPY, PERKY PARTY)

BILBO: We need to make several clever references to The Hobbit. (MERRY and PIPPIN do something stupid, thus establishing themselves as COMIC RELIEF.) Now, I will make an insulting speech that no one will understand because you can barely add fractions. God, I’m clever. (BILBO’S EGO implodes, causing him to DISAPPEAR.) 

GANDALF: Oh, for heaven’s sake. (GANDALF berates BILBO for wanting to keep THE RING.) 

BILBO: Remember those vaguely disturbing things I said earlier? Now I’m going to say some blatantly disturbing things. (GANDALF talks BILBO down by putting on a LIGHT SHOW, or more to the point, A SHADOW SHOW.) 

BILBO: Okay, I won’t do that freaky thing with my eyes again. 

GANDALF: Leave the Ring for Frodo. I’m sure he won’t mind having to keep the evil object. (BILBO goes off, also singing the only poem they bothered to write a tune for.) 

BILBO: The Road goes ever on and on 

Down from the door where it began… 

Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm… 

BORK, BORK, BORK! 

GANDALF: I’m going to wait for Frodo to come home so I can not tell him things. 

FRODO: I’m home! Why do we keep having extreme close-ups of Bilbo’s ring? 

GANDALF: I can’t tell you that. (GANDALF rides off to the CGI CITY OF MINAS TIRITH to have a FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK.) (EXT. THE CGI CITY OF BARAD-DUR) 

GOLLUM: Shire…Baggins! (The EXCESSIVELY CREEPY BLACK RIDERS go off looking for someone named SHIRE in the land of BAGGINS.)(EXT. THE HAPPY, PERKY, BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER, SHIRE)


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## Persephone (May 7, 2002)

this is sooo funny!!! Where did you get it?? I want more, more, more....


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## Muffinly (Aug 12, 2002)

I was watching LOTR the other day and I thought that there could be so many spoofs on LOTR.
Here are a few I came up with (I already posted them in a different place):


Top 10 LOTR spoofs. Mixed with other movies, of course. 

(count-down format) 

10. Gandalf on bridge in Moria- "None shall Pass." 
9. Frodo at moria Gate- "Help! save me from the Sarlaac!" 
8. "Lord of the Canadians," need I say more. 
7. "I am the great evil Sauron! Master of Mordor. The Lord of the Rings. Hear me roar. ROAR! You can call me Ronny." 
6. Uruk-hai after losing arm - "It's just a flesh wound!" 
5. Gimli at council of Elrond- "I was once known as Grumpy, before that stupid princess came along. 
4. "I am Gandalf Wan-Kenobi, young Frodo Skywalker. I am afraid Saruman has turned to the dark side." 
3. gandalf again on bridge- "The Grey wanderer, always triumphs....I'm invincible!" 
2. Legolas at Caradhras - "What is that voice in the air?" 
Gandalf - "It's the voice of Saruman" 
Picture of Orthanc. On top is Rafiki, dancing and singing "Asante sana squashed banana." 
1. No really, it is Borimir. Attachment: cast_binks.jpg
This has been downloaded 5 time(s).


Sorry, I seemed to have over-used Monty Python & Star wars in this list. 
I hope you still like it. 




Can you come up with any more?
Post them here


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## Gamil Zirak (Aug 13, 2002)

There's already a spoof book called "Bored of the Rings" with Bilbo renamed to Dildo. Maybe Mel Gibson will direct a spoof like Space Balls. Now that's funny.


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## Muffinly (Aug 13, 2002)

I also heard that the people who made Thumb Wars are going to make Lord of the thumbs.


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## Muffinly (Aug 14, 2002)

Does anyone else have any more ideas like the first post?


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## Muffinly (Aug 20, 2002)

I have some more ideas:

What if it was Lord of the Spam?



Celeborn: this is my realm, not yours.
Galadriel: I have the elven ring!
Celeborn: I object! You automatically treat me like an inferior.
Galadriel: Well I am Queen you know.


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## Rangerdave (Aug 20, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Gamil Zirak _
> *There's already a spoof book called "Bored of the Rings" with Bilbo renamed to Dildo. Maybe Mel Gibson will direct a spoof like Space Balls. Now that's funny. *



Please Oh Please!
Tell me you meant to say Mel Brooks?

I can't even begin to imagine a Mel Gibson parody.

RD


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## EverEve (Aug 20, 2002)

I was wondering about that meself! ah well, i do that sorta thing all the time!


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## steel_rose (Aug 20, 2002)

have any of you seen the tv comercial with thr "ringwraths" chasing the car? thats my idea of a spoof. now he is MY version of the comercial.....


ringwraths pounding through the forest....

Frodo and the hobbits running................

A car driving up beside the hobbits.........

"hey u small guys...Jump in"

the hobbits look at each other...

"What the heck this can't get any worse" frodo

"where ya'll headed?"

"the Prancing Pony please. Its just across the ford" Merry

well u get the idea!!

Hehe i hope you like it!!!!

steel_rose


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## EverEve (Aug 20, 2002)

definetly like ur version better. but id go test drive a car, for a DVD! are u kidding me! thats the bestest idea in the world!


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## steel_rose (Aug 20, 2002)

Glad you like it. here is another.

the fellowship walks into the forests of lorien. 

gimli talks about the witch elf (galadriel)

they get captured..

everyone is sleeping..

frodo and lady gladriel walk towars the mirror....

Gladriel pours the water in the mirror it over flows..

in an attempt to save the water gladriel knocks over the bowl...

well now we'll never know what happens next"

         
hehehehehehehehehe


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## Muffinly (Aug 21, 2002)

How about the Black Riders wriding those toy horse-heads on sticks.



Those are some good ones Steel rose. I might use them.

I am actually going to make a spoof myself called Lord of the Spam.

Merry and pippen will be one person with a split personality
Sam will be a musician of a different genre each scene.
gandalf will constantly change colors.


I changed a lot of the names, but i am still brainstorming.


I re-wrote the "One Ring" poem. It's now about Spam.

Here it is:
3 cans for the Elven Kings and/or Queens under the foil
7 cans for the Dwarf-people with their spam of stone.
9 cans for the mortal men and/or women doomed to spoil.
In the land of Mortar where the sauces boil
One can for the dark guy on his tin throne
One can with endless spam
One can to find them
One can to never end
And with the canned goods, bind them
In the land of Mortar where the sauces boil.


Here's a scene
Gandalf- He greatly desires the spam, he must not eat it.


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## steel_rose (Aug 21, 2002)

that is great! i love it! do you want more ideas? I have more, and my friend came up with a good one.


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## Muffinly (Aug 21, 2002)

any ideas would be just jolly!


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## Muffinly (Sep 6, 2002)

Here are some more things I'm doing with the "Lord of the Spam" thing.


Instead of my precious, it will be my "Delicious"
I'm changing all the names so that I won't violate any copywrite laws. Here are a few.

Bilbo - Billy-Bob
Frodo - Frudu (roll the R)
Bagins - Bubins
Legolas - Patrick
Borimir - Frank (the contractor)
Merry and Pippen will be played by one person with a split personality.
I might just call themm Pippy or merrin. They're both dumb but i like Pippy better.
Elrond - El Rod (an inside joke)

I need a name for the Shire.


I'm open to more suggestions for scenes or characters, etc.


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## steel_rose (Sep 7, 2002)

how bout instead of the shire "The Shed" and instead of Bag End, Box Top?
i know there are stupid but ohhh well!!!!!


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## Sam_Gamgee (Sep 7, 2002)

i like your number 2 muffinly. thats a good one


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## Bombadillo (Sep 10, 2002)

there is already a spoof of lotr with monty python, its right here and very funny!!!
ps yes it was already posted i know, but not in this thread

fellowship of the holy grail


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## Muffinly (Sep 10, 2002)

Just because someone had the idea fiest, doesn't mean I'm not going to use some Monty python scenes for the Spam thing.


And I think i might use the Shed instead of Shre. Thanks Steel Rose.

Any more scene ideas from anyone???>???


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## Bombadillo (Sep 12, 2002)

sure, do continue with the story, b sure to post it here somewere....
it wasn't ment as a way to stop you with writing....


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## Muffinly (Sep 12, 2002)

Ok.
The Fellowship of the Holy Grail is Hilarious, but i'm not going to steal any ideas because it's mean.

And I'm still thinking of names. Here are some more i thought up.

Elrond (recently changed to)-
El Rod de los Bollos. (Bollos are muffins)
Aragorn/Strider-
Stumbler. I need a real name for him too.
Gimli-
Grumpy (I have a 9" Grumpy toy from Disneyland).
Gollum-
Hiccup
Arwen-
She-who-is-fully-elf-yet-actually-3/16-human P. The-grandaughter-of-the-only-mortals-ever-to-set-foot-on-the-sacred-lands-of-valinor.
But she gos by P.

I still need names for the following:
Gandalf
Saruman
Celeborn
Galadriel
Barliman



I might call orcs Pork. Or maybe not.


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## Muffinly (Sep 16, 2002)

Misty Mountains: The Missing Mountains.
Bagins- Sagins (Or maybe Saggat. Billy-Bob Saggat) 

Anybody want to hear the plot?


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## YayGollum (Sep 16, 2002)

Me does. Why not? Just no making fun of Gollum too much.


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## Muffinly (Sep 16, 2002)

Every character will be made fun of.


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## YayGollum (Sep 16, 2002)

Well, I said too much, but whatever. Poor Smeagol. Pay no attention to me. You gonna explain now, or what?


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## Muffinly (Sep 20, 2002)

I haven't written the script yet.


I soon shall, I hope. i keep putting it off.


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## Eledhwen (Sep 21, 2002)

*I need help*

Some time ago, I found a really funny spoof screenplay for the Fellowship of the Ring, based on PJ's production, but I forgot to note the address and now I can't find it. Has anyone else seen it?


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## Muffinly (Sep 24, 2002)

No I don't know what that website is.



But I finally started writing the script, but I've just got to the part where Isildur died.


Lord of the Spam

Part 1 Fellowship of the canned goods

A summary:

After really fast talking about the meaning of the word true, copywrite laws, and habitats.

Then:
It started with the canning of the 3 fruits for the elves, immortal and healthy. 7 cans were given to the dwarves, expert vegitarians. And nine were given to the mortal men, who above all else desired processed meat. " Then it rambles on about Ronny creating the spam in the food processor of doom.
Then comes the last alliance of canned goods company employees whose meat had not yet met it's expiration date. 
Then Ronny, weilding a lawn flamingo and the one can says to the employees: "Hello, my name is Sauron, Great Lord of the Spam, but you can call me Ronny." 
Then A-Silly-Noodle-Seller, son of A-Happy-Muffin-Baker, cuts the spam from Ronny's hand, with a wet noodle.
He became dependent on the spam and even tried therapy, but he couldn't let go and stop eating it. One day while shopping, he and his companions were ambushed by a goldfish in the baby food isle. 583cans of baby food fell on top of A-Silly-Noodle_seller and he died.


I stopped there.

Somehow a walruis has to get the spam.

Do you like it anybody?


I wonder if Chowmeinaholic has any input.


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## steel_rose (Sep 25, 2002)

nice job keep working on it!


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## Wonko The Sane (Sep 27, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Gamil Zirak _
> *There's already a spoof book called "Bored of the Rings" with Bilbo renamed to Dildo. Maybe Mel Gibson will direct a spoof like Space Balls. Now that's funny. *



Don't you mean _Mel Brooks_ ....


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## Muffinly (Sep 27, 2002)

That's been said before.



Anyway, continuing script:

That which should not have been eaten, was lost. Fact became legend, legend became myth, and the spam passed out of all memory. Then one day, a lost walrus came upon a flooded grocery store and found the spam, and took it to the missing mountains and dwelt there for 500 years.

Gollum the Walrus - "My delicious"

But the spam fled from the wlrus and fell by chance into the hands of the 3rd most unlikely person imaginable: a hemit cram named Harold. Now everyone knows that hermit crabs donlt have hands, so it was dropped and then found by Billy-Bob Saggins. The odds were about 523,870.8 to 1 against him finding the spam, but calculating his time and location, the odds would be 1 to 2. Then he saw the spam and the odds were 456,399,823.443 against him not picking it up.




\Next comes the Frodo and gandalf first scene thing. I'm not done writing that part.


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## Goldberry344 (Jan 13, 2003)

*LOTR parodies*

well, i didnt see a thread for this sort of thing so i decided to start one. any parodies? ill post links to all the ones i have found....


http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=225872

http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/

http://www.lordofthepeeps.com/lotp/fotp.html


enjoy, laugh and add!


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## Viewman (Jan 14, 2003)

Heh they are good  DOnt have any at the moment but it will come


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## Dragon (Jan 15, 2003)

there's a book called bored of the rings, it's really short, and I don't have it, but I think it's kinda funny


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## Goldberry344 (Jan 15, 2003)

I've heard of that book, but i've never been able to find it!


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## Dragon (Jan 16, 2003)

are you kidding! I see it in every bookstore I go to!


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## 33Peregrin (Jan 16, 2003)

Bored of the Rings? I heard of it but never found it. Then my brother found it and got it just to spite me. He read it without reading LOTR. How stupid. I read it... It was hilarious at first... but then I thought it got kind of old and overdone with the fighting vegetables. Oops.


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## Bombadillo (Jan 17, 2003)

you also have monty pythons fellowship of the rings...
the last link i have is this one, but i don't know if it still works....
monty pythons fellowship of the ring


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## Dragon (Jan 17, 2003)

the pictures wouldn't load up, maybe it's just this really crappy school computer


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## Éomond (Jan 19, 2003)

That's awsome Bombadillo! I love Monty Python! This is great!


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## Goldberry344 (Jan 22, 2003)

*Hugs bombadillo* I've been looking for that everywhere! my friend printed it out for me.....and yay! tis awesome!


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## BlackCaptain (Jan 22, 2003)

> In attempt to cheer up Fellowship, Legolas took off all his clothes and performed scenes from Silmarillion: The Musical



LOL!!!!!! 

FUNIEST THINKG EVER!!!!


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## Anira the Elf (Jan 22, 2003)

oh man, can it get any better than this!!! i love it!!! expecially the monty Pithon one. it's the best i've read so far.

i know of a few more. they're called Lord of the Pants (i think) and Lord of the Things(i'll getthe script from my friend.
love the dede where's my ring one too!!!! hella funny!


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## Goldberry344 (Jan 22, 2003)

if you really feel like looking about, theres some other diaries in the "things lotr characters would never say"....courtesy of me.

Or i could just post them here.

this is the best one. it gets worse from here.(tis posted in full color in the other thread. too lazy to do that now)

THE WORKS OF MANY (credited to few)(and then they will say never have so many done so much for so few) and now for something completely different : The Diary of THE WITCH KING OF ANTIOCH..........we are deeply sorry in the fault of the thread title. those responsible have been sacked...(Antioch is quite beautiful in the spring, really....my sister went to Antioch, she enjoyed it and came back with several lethal weapons....) we apologize for the contiuiing fault in the title. those responsible for those sacking those who were sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked as well. so now we shall finish the title, and begin the post in a completely different way at great expense at the last minute...

GOLDIE, SMEAGOL AND ARATHIN IN THE DIARY OF THE WITCH KING! 

Starring 40 professionally trained ardvarks 
With 100 Hollywood aardvarks 
Also with a lovely purple ardvark as the Witch King's noble steed (you hear that?? i'm a noble steed)
8 Additional turquoise Nazgul steeds (who are ardvarks, but not quite as noble as the purple ardvark, who is acctually not that noble at all) (well, so much for noble steed!)
Also appearing is one light brown ardvark, who is not at all exceptional, but makes a slight appearance around day 6 

and now, for something completely different!

THE EXTREMELY TOP SECRET DIARY OF ANNE FRANK

whops

The Diary of the Witch King

Day 1

Met v. nice man over palantir. Have aggreed to meet him at Barad-dur tonight. v. excited and antsey. Rather dark and mysterious place to have a first date, i would prefer dinner and a war. however, he seems quite nice, with a large....palantir.

Day 2

Oh, man, is that Sauron guy nice. i mean, not only is he fiiiinnne, but he doesnt waste any time, im getting married in four days, yo, you should see the engagement ring (author's note cough evil cough cough) he gave me. yo, it has a killer red flaming eye on it. man, i love this ring as much.....more than i love sauron. dude, it is so addicting.

Day 6

Excretions, man, Sauron called off the wedding. i got there in my perdy white....suit riding my brown ardvark (authors note I TOLD YOU!) (i.am.smeagol *twitch twitch*). I looked quite good, may i say, but sauron, man is he flaming! he has aggreed to let me stay at barad-dur with him. score. now i get to see his large.....palantir every day.

Day 23
A wall to keep out water, (author's note...i cant say d-*-m-n on the forum!) we've been beaten. It all ended when Sauron was kicked in the.....Palantir by Elrond. expect that it has something to do with jealosy and some dirty night one evening in the first age. have told Sauron that he can do much better.....like me. 
have been forced to move to a tower outside of mirkwood. (kept..... palantir, though) eight other loooosers decided to try to glomp my man's.... palantir. 

Day I lost count a while ago, a wall to keep out water- it!

Have been sent to chase little man with vibrant, shining, sparkling, glittering, glowing, magnificent blue eyes.....sorry, got distrated by his.....palatir. i didnt know that it would be the same size and shape of Sauron's.....palantir.
Have been given a perdy purple ardvark to ride. im special, the other eight losers just go turquoise aardvarks. yar!

Day I lost count a while ago 2

Am beginning to notice a lack of self/skin on myself. it seems that i am invisible. score. #6 seems to think that since Sauron is out of the way, im fair game. will not submit

Day i lost cout a while ago 6
Have seen a little brown ardvark, wonder why he has hobbit on back. pretty blue eyes. perhaps i should chase him. 


noooooo! way too cute. rather attractive. however, that silly little manservant of his is all over him... "Frooodoooo, ill take care of your....palantir for you! Froooodooo, dont let merry and pippin play with your.....palantir like that. its baaaad for you" bloody favoritism. suspect he will kill me if i try anything. wait....can i die?

If you have read this, you have too much free time, go out side.



The diary's over. 

Really.

You're wasting your time reading this.

Move on! Seriously, i swear it's over. GO!


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## Mablung (Jan 22, 2003)

Ouch for the Witch King


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## Wolfshead (Jan 25, 2003)

Yes, all read Bored Of The Rings. I got it months ago before all the hype built up around it (yes, I know it's been out for about 30 years, so me getting early is nothing special). But now it's everywhere. I was in Waterstones, a major bookstore a few weeks ago, at number 19 in the book charts was Barry Trotter and the Shameless Parody (which I just got from the library) and at 20 was Bored Of The Rings. You will have no trouble finding it now, rest assured.


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## Goldberry344 (Jan 29, 2003)

i shall have to get it..

BTW, craig. i love your siggy. i started reading catch 22 but i havent finished it yet. perhaps thats cause i am in the middle of about 5 books right now, but never you mind. its a good book so far.


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## Wolfshead (Feb 1, 2003)

Catch-22 is very good, yes. I read it last summer but I'm rereading it just now for an english essay. Well, listening to it on tape, when I can be bothered. I have about 18 hours to go and the essay is at the end of Feb, oh well, guess I shall just have to rely on my memory...

Incidentally, I've read Barry Trotter, and it's surprisingly good for a parody. It takes a while to get into, but it starts addressing the morals behind turning a book into a film, deep stuff.


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 9, 2003)

These are all SOOO funny!


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 10, 2003)

There is an online quiz of LotR Engrish Subtitles. 

http://quizilla.com/cgi-bin/result/list/list.pl


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 20, 2003)

*DISTURBING!!!!*

These are disturbing pictures.

Only for the mature and such.
Slashart!


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## legolas84 (Feb 20, 2003)

bored of the rings is great! alot of the jokes you can't get though unless you were around in the 50's-60's like alot of the names of the charecters are different products...like Goodgulf is a gasstation...but i love it anyway...it's got jokes for every generation!
i've got tons of LOTR humor on my website...alot of it is uncredited though so if it's yours yell at me and i'll fix it!!!!

except....my webpage isn't workingg.........


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 20, 2003)

Does anybody like those naughty pictures?


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 21, 2003)

Fixed it...didn't realise it was broken!


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## Wolfshead (Feb 21, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Wonko The Sane _
> *Does anybody like those naughty pictures? *


 Well, the only ones I looked at closely were the female ones, can't say the rest really appeal to me, for obvious reasons. But are you sure that link is going to stay once a Mod reads it?


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 21, 2003)

Beorn said I could post it!
I showed it to him first!


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## Wolfshead (Feb 21, 2003)

Well, I guess that is alright then, isn't it? Unless anyone has any complaints. Actually, ignore that, I was trying to make this post worth while.

I failed.


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## legolas84 (Feb 22, 2003)

http://www.angelfire.com/hiphop3/biggillistyle

i got a lot of lotr humor there (it's working now) if anyone has any credits they want to give to the stuff there please tell me!


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 22, 2003)

Wow..after looking at all that neon green this page seems dull in comparion...


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## legolas84 (Feb 22, 2003)

hahaha.
i've always loved the hotpink/limegreen combo...
it's like a crazzzzy watermelon


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

But it makes you ill to look at it!!


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## legolas84 (Feb 23, 2003)




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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

Well...not ill so much as blind.

 But the stuff on the page is SOO funny that it's worth it!!

I LOVE Bored of the Rings!!


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## legolas84 (Feb 23, 2003)

yay!
 
i found some of the links i got the stuff from
http://www.theonespoof.com
http://legolasgreenleaf.angelcities.com
http://www.lawisewoman.com
http://www.ninecompanions.net
http://uk.geocities.com/panaka_rocks


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## Wonko The Sane (Feb 23, 2003)

I LOVE that Legolas Greenleaf page!!

Orlando looks gorgeous in that pic!

But I can't find any parodies on that site?


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## legolas84 (Feb 23, 2003)

http://legolasgreenleaf.angelcities.com/humorgallery.htm

it's just maybe 20 pic or so...i GUESS that could qualify as paradies...it definately qualifies as funny though!


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## Eledhwen (Mar 14, 2007)

*Re: Monty Python and the Ring of Doom*

That is VERY good - full of superb Pythonesque idiocy. I see you border the razor thin line between brilliance and insanity. May you never wobble.

I particularly like Lucie's contribution. Couldn't you think of anything to write there yourself?  

With two family members using TTF, I strongly suggest you both untick the 'remember me' box (or is it just that you both leave your computer permanently logged into the site?)


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