# Top 10 lists....



## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

Okay some are repeats from other threads...just thought I would consolidate them and see who else out there is funny..

I will post mine to start the ring rolling...


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Wizards would never say...*

1. Spell check?! 
2. I will have to check with my staff... 
3. What do you mean...what color am I??!!! 
4. You can never have too many hats. 
5. No thank you...I don't smoke 
6. I think I will just hang out here for a while. 
7. I don't care what's under the mountain. 
8. Yes...I know Harry Potter. 
9. Moria?...yes please. 
10. I remember when I was a kid, we used to have to.....


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 things Aragorn would not say....*

1. I need a shave and a haircut 
2. Oh...I thought you said Gondors "Ming" dynasty 
3. Yes...I know Harry Potter too. 
4. What could I possibly do with a broken sword? 
5. I just date Arwen... 
6. No...I'm not the Lone Ranger 
7. What's Spidey-sense? 
8. Brown just isn't my color 
9. I don't feel like going 
10. Reforge it yourself!!!


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Hobbits would never say.....*

1. I'm considering joining a gym...or maybe Slimfast 
2. Is this a lite beer? 
3. I'm going to shave my feet 
4. No thank you...I'm full 
5. I'd like the dinner salad please. 
6. Can I borrow your boat? 
7. Is that a pistol in your.....(never mind) 
8. I'm returning the spoons I borrowed. 
9. So your moving to a third floor apartment. 
10. A Quest....yes please!


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons Hobbits are small....*

1. You try living in a hole.. 
2. That much closer to the tap on a keg 
3. So they will fit nicely in your pocketsesssss... 
4. Stealth...stealth...stealth... 
5. To make for a perfect sized snack 
6. Thier downsizing... 
7. Fun at parties!!! 
8. So they might be mistaken for a dwarf 
9. Didn't eat thier Wheaties 
10. So that they might be inconspicous if ever chosen by a wizard to go on a journey


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons to live in Middle-Earth*

1. No Lawyers
2. No Lawyers
3. Great place to use a metal detector
4. Goldberry and Arwen are babes...
5. No one will ask you to quit smoking!
6. The marginal tax rate on capital gains is nearly non-existant
7. No lawyers
8. I want to see mountains....
9. The bird-watching is unreal
10. No phone salesmen


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons Elves don't like Dwarves...*

1. They smell...they do!!!...Dwarves smell... 
2. They try to use the courts to force everyone to make accesible toilets 
3. Always referring to thier fathers 
4. They carry axes...'nuff said 
5. There is no reason #5 
6. They are always trying to shave off the elves "golden" hair 
7. Poor table manners 
8. Thier not tender and juicy 
9. They keep referring to elves as "stretch" and "slim" 
10. That Balrog thing.....


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons to NOT smoke pipeweed...*

1. It gives you a long bottom 
2. The shipments are being tracked 
3. There is no reason #3 
4. It makes your hair grow unnaturally long 
5. The trees will start talking to you 
6. Just say NO... 

There are NO more reasons NOT to smoke pipeweed


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons Sauron was destroyed...*

1. He owned stocks in Martha Stewart 
2. Someone poked him real hard in the eye 
3. He always wore jewelry 
4. He never recovered from that Melkor thing 
5. Plenty of Mordor...not enough bricks 
6. He tried to remove "under God" from the pledge of allegiance 
7. The ring didn't fit anymore 
8. He tried to become friends with Hannibal Lecter 
9. Too many "bad" Hobbits....couldn't quit smoking 
10. Bad Hair Day!


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons Aragorn should NOT be King:*

1. He might have never returned. 
2. He's so scruffy...Hairagorn 
3. He doesn't validate parking 
4. How can you be king when your sword is broken 
5. He drives a Range Rover 
6. We saw him in Bree...eating cheese 
7. He doesn't know who his mother is 
8. Always has a bag of Kingsfoil 
9. Gondor has no king...Gondor needs no king 
10. I dont think he wears pants under his robes


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Dwarves would never say...*

1. Here is some gold for you to borrow. 
2. I like Elves 
3. Can I ride your horse? 
4. I'm entering a tossing contest. 
5. We prefer the term "little people" 
6. We will do the cleaning up 
7. Hello, I'd like to make a donation.... 
8. I don't know who my father is. 
9. I'm tired of living in this dingy mountain 
10. Mines...what mines?


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Elves would never say....*

1. I'm dead on my feet. 
2. Can you see that...I forgot my glasses. 
3. Let's go spelunking 
4. I'd die for a...... 
5. Elbereth who? 
6. I'm thinking of dying my hair red... 
7. Let's go talk to those Dwarves. 
8. Magic...we don't need no stinking magic! 
9. Are you going to eat that.. 
10. Orcs are like family.


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Top 10 reasons to stop by "The Prancing Pony"*

1. Hob-nob with Bob and Nob
2. Bill Ferny is a delight
3. Someone might break into song
4. The pony is a prancer
5. The view
6. No sales tax on beer
7. You never know who might drop by in the middle of the night
8. Some guy named Strider hangs out there...he's a gas
9. Can pick-up a pony for a great price
10. The smell of Bree cheese!


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 18, 2002)

*Re: Confusicated*

Love that number 6!!!


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## Camille (Jul 18, 2002)

> (girls....this is not ment t be taken seriously...so reconsider verbally attacking me)


  no reason why I should (attack you of course)... I just love your post! so funny


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## LadyGaladriel (Jul 24, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Confusticated _
> *Girls say about the LOTR movie..
> 
> 1 Elijah Wood is cute, he plays Frodo so well. I love him!
> ...


I was about to say you were a nasty sexist pig but after seeing all your message I wont bother. 


Things Boys say ;

1) (fighting Scenes) I could so do that .....
2) (Arwen and Aragorn bit ) God this is soppy . 
3) Look at that wimp Frodo.


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## Dragonblade (Jul 29, 2002)

What boys say?? I'm a girl and I say that stuff!!!!
Confusticated - LOL!!!! Nice post!! Very funny!!!!!


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## Dragonblade (Jul 29, 2002)

Top ten nicknames for the cast members of LotR: 
This is kinda pathetic...

1.) Frodo - the squeaky toy
2.) Sam - The unflotable bath toy
3.) Merry - Olsen twin in drag
4.) Pip - Olsen twin in drag
5.) Gandalf - The amazing breakdancing wizard with the dissapearing pipe
6.) Legolas - The lipstick wearing barbie elf
7.) Boromir - Borromirror, enjoys looking at self in reflection 
8.) Aragorn - The reincarnate of Kermit the frog
9.) BILL!!!! - The amazing dissapearing pony 
10.) Galadriel - The fortune telling gypsie

Ok...this is all in good fun...and I admit, kinda pathetic -_-;


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 29, 2002)

*You go Dragonblade....*

Top ten reasons I saw the movie (FOTR):

1. Thought it was Lord of the Dance..
2. Gimli is a sort of Mini-me
3. Dopey, sneezy, and Doc asked me to..
4. Arwen, Arwen, Arwen...
5. The lines to get in were short
6. I like previews
7. I like movie popcorn
8. Wanted to make shadow puppets poking Sauron in the eye
9. Lurtz was great in the book...wanted to see him on film
10. The scene on the bridge...(no joke here)


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## elfprincess (Jul 29, 2002)

LOL, DB!!! You posted the names!! I forgot that you had one for Gandalf! lol  Anyway... I have nothing clever to say so carry on...


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## Gandalf_White (Jul 31, 2002)

*Top Ten Things Sauron Would Never Say.....*

1. Oh, forget about the ring. Just make me a new one.
2. I think I need to move to a new fortress. One that gets a little more sun. I need to work on a tan.
3. Tell that dude, Saruman, he can take over my job while I go on vacation.
4. Hobbits? What the heck are those?
5. Hey you orcs don't attack Gondor that city is so beautiful I would hate to see it destroyed.
6. Hmm this red eye? Do you think I could get one in blue?
7. I wish I could thank Isildur for cutting off my finger. After all it's not everyday when you see a guy with 4 fingers.
8. (to the orcs) You're fired!
9. Buy me some air freshener this place stinks.
10. (to the orcs) Why don't you go and take a nice hot bath or shower, brush your teeth and then we'll go see about getting you some braces.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This thread is soo hilarious.  FINGOLFIN thanks for starting it.


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## FINGOLFIN (Jul 31, 2002)

*Re: Gandalf_White*

No problem GW! I love it too!

LOL...Yours are great too!

Thanks..please sign the petition 

Thanks again...I will post a new one soon!


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## Gandalf_White (Aug 1, 2002)

*Re:*

What petition?


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## FINGOLFIN (Aug 1, 2002)

*Sorry GW*

http://www.petitiononline.com/Hobbit/petition.html

It's a petition to have the Hobbit made into a live-action movie, hope you will sign it, and tell your friends!


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 10, 2002)

i just signed the petition. 

and i'm sorry i don't have anything funny to say. but my favorites out of this whole thread would preobably "yes, i know harry potter" "i don't know who my father is" and "no sales tax on beer"


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 11, 2002)

hey FINGOLFIN, i made this just for u!!! LOL!!!


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## FINGOLFIN (Aug 12, 2002)

*Re:LL12*

THAT IS BRILLIANT!!! 

I absolutely love it!!! Be sure to share it elsewhere in the site!

Glad to hear you enjoyed some of my humor.... 

I will post again soon, my computer crashed...still rebuilding...aaaaggghhh


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## Muffinly (Aug 12, 2002)

Top 10 LOTR spoofs. Mixed with other movies, of course.

(count-down format)

10. Gandalf on bridge in Moria- "None shall Pass."
9. Frodo at moria Gate- "Help! save me from the Sarlaac!"
8. "Lord of the Canadians," need I say more.
7. "I am the great evil Sauron! Master of Mordor. The Lord of the Rings. Hear me roar. ROAR! You can call me Ronny."
6. Uruk-hai after losing arm - "It's just a flesh wound!"
5. Gimli at council of Elrond- "I was once known as Grumpy, before that stupid princess came along.
4. "I am Gandalf Wan-Kenobi, young Frodo Skywalker. I am afraid Saruman has turned to the dark side."
3. gandalf again on bridge- "The Grey wanderer, always triumphs....I'm invincible!"
2. Legolas at Caradhras - "What is that voice in the air?"
Gandalf - "It's the voice of Saruman"
Picture of Orthanc. On top is Rafiki, dancing and singing "Asante sana squashed banana."
1. No really, it is Borimir. (see attatched file).



Sorry, I seemed to have over-used Monty Python & Star wars in this list.
I hope you still like it.


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 12, 2002)

glad to hear u like it. and i had something funny to say ...i just forgot it. LOL. oh well, here is another picture :


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## FINGOLFIN (Aug 12, 2002)

*Tolkien and Monty*

Your my kinda muffin!!!!


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## Muffinly (Aug 12, 2002)

Did you say Muffin?


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## Dragon (Aug 12, 2002)

hehehahahehaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was still good, even if you did use alot from Monty Python and Star Wars, besides, that makes it even funnier for me.

I can't think of any right now, but all the ones I've read are really funny


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 12, 2002)

LOL


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 12, 2002)

these are like so LOL!

*Reasons Timeshare has gone down at Orthanac** 
1.Sarumans obbsession with pits
2.lack of trees
3. Undesirable crowd (i.e. orcs)
4. Mad cackling from the main tower
5. Wizard fights on the pinnacle.
6. Strange phonecalls from mordor
7. door to door orc salesmen
8. the nearby mutant breading factory.
9. the constant raids by undesirables
10. talking trees make it seem like your always drunk

confuscated I luved your reasons (the one with all the hot guy mentionings) although the low point on the movie was when legolas got the smudge on his face...totally ruined his complexion


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## Muffinly (Aug 12, 2002)

Top 10 health threats in Middle Earth.


1.	Don’t smoke pipe-weed.
2.	Death by way of orcs.
3.	Fading away from excessive use of magical rings.
4.	All that saturated fat in lembas.
5.	Orcs.
6.	Second-hand pipe-weed smoke.
7.	Riding drunk.
8.	Orcs on steroids.
9.	Lack of Kingsfoil.
10.	Orcs.


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## Muffinly (Aug 12, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Tar-Ancalime _
> *these are like so LOL!
> 
> 
> confuscated I luved your reasons (the one with all the hot guy mentionings) although the low point on the movie was when legolas got the smudge on his face...totally ruined his complexion  *


*


But they forgot to dye his eyebrows, they were black, not blond.

But i really shouldn't know these things. I'm a guy.*


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 12, 2002)

> _Originally posted by Muffinly _
> *
> 
> 
> ...



I liked that it made him look hot...besides the excellent body. and if you are a guy and notice them I pity you


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## Legolas_lover12 (Aug 13, 2002)

LOL.
i liked the brown eye brows. and i hope u were joking about that being the downpoint of the movie....


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 13, 2002)

no the down point was when he got the smudge on his face! I was sad ...nahhh just playin


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## Muffinly (Aug 15, 2002)

It wasn't me who noticed the eyebrows, a girl I know told me. It's good I didn't notice, it really would be sad.


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## Muffinly (Aug 15, 2002)

Top 10 ways to get around in ME
1.	Call a cab.
2.	Allow yourself to be captured by a Nazgul, that he might take you to Mordor, if that is your destination.
3.	Put on your Nikes and run.
4.	Catch the ferry.
5.	Falling down a cliff is a lot faster than climbing down.
6. Ride Bill.
This is dumb, I can’t think of any more.


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 15, 2002)

Top ten reasons that got girls defending frodo baggins:

1. Frodo looks like a girl 
2. I think Sam and Frodo make a cute couple
3. Did you notice Aragorn and Frodo had a good chemistry together.
4. Now I know why Frodo was dedicated bachelor !
5. Wasn't Pippin quite grabby in the cornfield scene around frodo.
6. Frodo looks like chick
7. Frodo is gay and sam is too...in fact thier a gay couple
8. Frodo looks like a girl
9. hmm...No wonder frodo was such a good dancer.
10. Frodo looks like a girl.


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## Gandalf_White (Aug 15, 2002)

Tar-Ancalime, that isn't very nice. I wish you people would stop talking about LOTR characters being gay.


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 15, 2002)

I myself don't think those horrendous things...I just have lots of guy friends who do! Besides I am the dark queen


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## FINGOLFIN (Aug 19, 2002)

*Top Ten Reasons to smoke pipe-weed*

1. It makes even cram taste good
2. Suddenly all your rings are..like..."magic"
3. So your allowed under "The Party Tree" with all the other cool Hobbits
4. Now you know why the elves are laughing
5. To "Just say no" to the authoritarian state (under the control of Sauron)
6. It make the havens a little less grey
7. It makes the entwash taste even better
8. The smoke keeps the midges away
9. Whats good enough for Saruman is good enough for me
10. When smoked, everyone else has a longbottom


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## Dragonblade (Aug 19, 2002)

LMAO Tar-Ancalime, I totally agree!!!!!!!! And in RotK, Merry did want to place his 'sword' on the King's lap (can't remeber his name), evil dirty little hobbits. And in the movie, when they were in the Prancing Pony, and the squeaky toy (frodo) had that ahem...strange look on his face...one simple answer, Sam was sitting beside him...*shudders* EVIL THOUGHTS!!
Someone should do top 10 things proving the boys in the fellowship are gay. LMAO, contrary to popular belief I do like LotR and I think JRRTolkien is an amazing writer, I just enjoy picking on the characters, and actors for that matter...
Long live the lipstick wearing barbie elf!!

I didn't even notice the whole black eyebrows blonde hair thing, meh, the only way I knew was a friend of mine pointed it out, and yes I am a chick.


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## Eledhwen (Aug 20, 2002)

*One-Ring.Net's T-shirt top ten*

Getting back on the subject, theonering.net have a t-shirt with a list of the top ten reasons you can tell you're a Tolkien fan. I think some of their reasons are pretty lame (though some aren't bad), and I'm sure the fair folk reading this thread can come up with better ones. See the "official" list at http://stores.yahoo.com/rapgear/theontop10.html


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## Tar-Ancalime (Aug 21, 2002)

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL! neways ur so mean I don't believe that and now I hate you for being so mean!(directed towads Dragoblade)


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## Dragonblade (Aug 22, 2002)

LMAO!!!! Are you serious Tar?? If so then...ooooh...watch me shaking in my boots. It's better to be specific so no one gets confused!
Oh, you know how you said that Frodo and Aragorn had good chemistry together, well since Frodo is hte squeaky toy, and Aragorn is the reincarnate of kermit the frog...their offspring sounds like a squeaky kermit the frog (as Elfprincess so kindly told me yesterday) Or in not so many words...Eminem.


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## Tigress Danu (Aug 22, 2002)

*Well...*

I don't know about you, but Tar sounds a teeny bit rude herself, saying things to get people started then...not only criticizing them, but making them sound stupid. It seems to me that SHE is the one who needs to learn manners and how to act proper


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## Dragonblade (Aug 22, 2002)

Why thank you my pretty kitty...
Koi****eru Megami Sama...teehee...Gomen, I just had to put that...couldn't help it ^_^ 

So please Tar...if you are joking, you might want to clear your name before it really gets messy in here, and if not...ooooh...you hate me, watch me as I shake in my boots.


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## Tigress Danu (Aug 22, 2002)

hehe...DB you know i don't care....you kill as you please (i found out the hard way) and can take care of yourself....just wanted to make a dramatic entrance lol....sorry Tar.


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## Dragonblade (Aug 22, 2002)

And walking in whiping lightning bolts isn't dramatic!? LOL


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